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After spending all night playing cards, Jake finally learns the Auditor's name (Mimi), and Eric plans to really, seriously tell his wife that he's leaving her for Mary. Suddenly, the power comes back on, which leads to gratuitous Bachman-Turner Overdrive. Also, phones start ringing with an automated message from Homeland Security advising people to stay put, because "help is on the way." The townsfolk still can't get anything via television or the internet, though, which make it look more and more likely that the PTC has finally taken over the country. As an added bonus, having electricity back leads to a small explosion that injures Emily. Unfortunately, she survives, plus the library almost burns down. Meanwhile, Hawkins takes a portable satellite dish out to his yard, and uses his laptop to pass on some more secret messages. After dealing with the fire in his usual heroic fashion, Jake climbs onto a rooftop and peers around town through a rifle scope (don't ask) looking for other fires. He notices that Eric's house is ablaze, and also spots Hawkins behaving in a suspect fashion. Jake and Hawkins completely fail to save Eric's house, and while sifting through the ashes later, Eric finds out that April was planning to divorce him. Naturally, admitting that they loathe one another causes them to renew their bond. Or something. Jake almost tells Dad where he's really been for the past five years, but Dad insists that he doesn't want to know. Sigh. That evening, everyone troops down to the bar as usual, because the satellite dish at Bailey's is picking up what appears to be a presidential podium. So they gather to wait and see if anyone will appear behind it and say something. Instead, there's a distant rumbling, and everyone goes outside just in time to see missiles zooming into the sky. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously: I love the fact that this week the clips include Stanley saying that he couldn't find a pesticide container, and Heather's warnings about static electricity. Isn't the point here to help someone catch up by showing them scenes that are, like, relevant to tonight's show? Or at least slightly comprehensible to someone who missed the last episode? Maybe they're trying to make sure that anyone just tuning in is just as bewildered as the regular viewers are.
As dawn breaks over the empty streets of Jericho, Jake voice-overs, "I'm tired of war. No one ever really wins."
Cut to Bailey's, where Jake, Stanley, and the Auditor have apparently been playing cards all night. Yes, seriously. He was tired of War, the game. Apparently I'm going to have to dig out my Misdirection-Based-Comedy alarm. I hope the warranty's still good. The Auditor suggests playing Crazy Eights or Hearts while I try to figure out how they played a three-handed game of War. Mary offers them all coffee, and the Auditor says, "Make mine an Irish." Then Jake says, "So, Mimi, what would you be doing if you were back home in DC?" Her name is Mimi! And to think I thought this show would just tease us endlessly without ever answering important questions. Mimi says that if she was back home she'd be sleeping, and then complains that Jericho is so quiet that it's hard for her to fall asleep: "It's like my brain is an echo chamber." Oh man, too easy. Jake replies, "Why do you think I left town?" Good Cop strolls in with Eric and smirks, "I could tell her!" Jake warns Good Cop to hush up. Mimi guesses that Jake was "captain of the football team, prom king, most likely to succeed." The boys all chuckle, and Good Cop says, "Don't quit your day job." Stanley interjects, "I think [Jake] beat up the prom king." Then he says, "Eric, you must have a million stories about your brother screwing up, right?" Eric agrees uncomfortable, and then moves away to ask Mary for some coffee. As she gets it, Eric tells her that he's going to have a talk with April tonight: "And then I won't need coffee as an excuse to come see you." They fondle each other's hands as Jake watches with what may or may not be surprise. Then there's a clank as the lights come on, and the jukebox inexplicably starts to play "Takin' Care Of Business." It's particularly inexplicable since Bailey's, as we all know, has a generator. If they were actually trying to conserve power for a change, why did they leave everything switched on? Jake hurries to unplug the jukebox, and as soon as that business is taken care of, the pay phone on the wall rings.
Cut to a shot of the suddenly-crowded streets, where people stand around staring at each other as we hear more phones ring. The lights come on at Gracie's.
At the school, Heather hobbles down into what I guess is the teacher's lounge, where a woman is staring at the ringing phone. She's also preparing to pour out a hot mug of coffee from what sure looks like an automatic drip pot. Which sort of undercuts the "we've had no power for days" angle.
Dale rolls over in bed to look at his ringing phone. He actually moves to answer it, which is more than anyone else seems capable of.
Back at the school, Heather nervously touches the speakerphone button.
Dad grabs a phone at his house and says, "Hello?" And this is what everyone hears: "Hello, this is Assistant Secretary Walsh from the Department of Homeland Security. Do not be alarmed."
Cut to Hawkins Homestead, where Hawkins is listening to the message in his bunker. Assistant Secretary Walsh continues, "If you are safe, stay where you are. Do not attempt to leave." I do love that it's not even the secretary; it's the assistant secretary. That kind of rings true. Darcy appears on the stairs and asks who's calling (at this hour!). Hawkins makes a "just a sec" gesture.
At Bailey's, everyone's crowded around to listen to the phone Jake is holding up. Walsh says, "We will be in contact again shortly. Until then, know that help is on the way." Then there's a beep, and the message repeats. What a useless message. Which also rings true. Suddenly, there's a different beeping, as the TV blips to life with a message that reads "Emergency Alert System. Please stand by."
Credit. I've been meaning to explain how I'm grading the episodes. Basically, I feel like this is an awful, awful show, but it's not quite awful enough to deserve an "F," which I reserve for things that are truly awe-inspiring in their badness. So far this show has been hovering between grades of "D" ("so ridiculous that I'm entertained") and "C-" ("dopey yet strangely dull").
Eric and Good Cop head for Town Hall. Mimi says that Homeland Security is supposed to take charge in the event of a disaster. Mary wants to know what will happen , and Stanley asks, "Why are you asking [Mimi]? She's from the IRS." Mary shrugs, "She's from DC." Stanley makes a funny face which pretty well captures my own response to that line. Mimi says, "This is what they told us..." and before I can wonder who "they" are, she continues "First they restore power, then communication, then transportation." She then coos about returning to her life of "non-fat lattes and shiatsu." So she can afford to live in DC proper and lead a fairly luxurious lifestyle. On a government salary. Trust me: that's funny. I'm starting to wonder who audits the Auditor. Jake asks if anyone has a quarter, saying, "If they can call in, maybe we can call out."
Emily walks down the street while trying to call Roger on her mobile phone. She just gets a fast-busy signal.
At town hall, Bad Cop hurries over to Eric and asks if his phone rang. Eric sighs that everyone's phone rang. I think that moment did more to make me like Eric than all his heroism later. Dad marches in and leads everyone on a pedeconference as he explains, "Kansas has a reverse 911 system -- if there's an emergency, it just pulses out a call." He goes on to explain that now everyone's trying to use the phones, so they've overloaded the system. Bad Cop asks if the power is back permanently, and Dad says he's not counting on it.
Skylar is sitting at a table outside the Cyberjolt Cafe. There's a table in the foreground holding an opened laptop displaying a 404 message. The owner has apparently wandered off for a moment. I'll come back to this in a minute. Skylar's got a 404 as well. Allison suddenly appears out of nowhere and asks "Any luck?" without preamble. Skylar moans that she wants to check her email in case her parents tried to contact her. Allison asks, "Have you tried typing in a straight IP address?" I like her "Well, come on, who hasn't memorized the IP address for GMail?" delivery. Skylar is, of course, confused, so Allison leans over and types in some numbers while expositioning, "The internet was built by the military. It's supposed to survive nuclear war." So that when we're gone, the roaches will have all the free porn they need. Suddenly, the laptop's screen fills with that same "alert" message that was on the TV. Judging by the murmurs, the same thing has just happened to everyone else sitting at the café. Allison sighs, "We're being blocked out." We pull back to show the laptop I mentioned earlier, at the neighboring table. The laptop's owner has not reappeared, but the screen shows the same alert message. So when you're working up your theory on how DHS managed to take the entire net offline, be sure to account for the fact that these people didn't have to try to load a page to bring up the alert message -- it was sent out to them. Apparently there's a reverse 911 system for computers. Such magic.
Hawkins fondles a black "America Express" card and slides it into his wallet. He grabs his laptop and a large case and heads out of the bunker.
Mimi hurries into Gracie's and heads straight for the ATM. Gracie calls, "Uh, Miss? You can't do that." Mimi ignores her, slides her card in, and gets a "contact customer service" message. She whines that the machine ate her card. Gracie continues ringing up groceries as she says, "It doesn't work. That's what I tried to tell you." Mimi snits, "Thank you. You're just so helpful," and stomps out.
Jake enters Dad's office, where Dad and Eric are watching while Bad Cop slowly flips through every channel on the TV. Aha! Jake's shameful secret is that he lost the TV remote. No wonder he's the black sheep. The alert message appears over and over. Dad says that the radio is broadcasting the same "sit and wait" message from DHS, and that, when the phone lines aren't flooded, they'll try contacting someone in Topeka, since that's the source of the message. Eric says that everyone will do that: "I say we start with the National Guard base in Great Bend." Dad admits that that's a good idea. Jake says that he'll go to the gas station to help everyone refuel. Eric says that Good Cop's already doing that. Jake says, "We need to recharge our batteries." Eric points to a table covered with phones and radios that are charging up. Jake says, "Well, then I guess I'll go have a not-very secret extramarital affair -- oh wait, Eric's already taken care of that, too!" Okay, actually he just slinks off, but tell me that wouldn't have been awesome.
Hawkins carries his gear through the homestead, and stops as he passes the bathroom, where Allison is standing in a fuzzy pink robe. He asks if she took a shower, and she sneers, "Nothing gets past you." So Allison got up, discovered the power was on, went down to Main Street to offer her computer expertise, and then went back home to take a shower. Just so we're clear. Hawkins tells her to clean out the tub and fill it. She asks why, and, as Darcy appears in the background, Hawkins lectures Allison about how they need to store as much water as they can in case the power goes out again. Before he's done speechifying, Allison stomps away and slams her door. Darcy harrumphs, "She's your daughter, Bob, not your employee." Hawkins smirks mysteriously and tells his wife, "I don't know how long I'll be here, so whatever I gotta teach her, it needs to happen now."
Green house. Jake comes downstairs after changing clothes, and finds Mom vacuuming. As soon as he appears, she demands to know whether he's going to leave town again when they find out what's happening. Jake says she shouldn't think about that yet, but Mom says she can't help it: "I finally have you back." Jake says that she was always good at "blocking out the bad," unlike Dad. Even though she isn't blocking out the bad, since she's openly asking if he's going to leave. Mom harrumphs that Dad had more to block out. This is a very confusing conversation. She says that Jake left behind quite a mess, and adds, "You have no idea the lengths your father went to, to square things." Jake huffs, "Why didn't he talk to me?" Mom says that Jake would have resented it. She advises Jake to tell Dad the truth. Jake says, "You mean, tell him about my...about my time away?" With the circus. Mom nods, and says that "this house is too small for big secrets." The lights flicker, and Jake declares that it's a power spike.
Heather is overseeing a bunch of her students as they gambol around splashing each other with water from a fountain in front of the library. Whee. Emily wanders up and asks, "How'd you get your kids back so soon?" Seriously. No, seriously. Heather chuckles, "Always lead with recess." Nice evasion. I think Heather's been keeping all these kids in her basement. In case she needs food later. Suddenly, there's a sizzle, and a transformer attached to the front of the library explodes in a shower of sparks. A power line falls to the ground near the kids, and Heather shouts at them to run. Then the line emits another blast of sparks and somehow zaps Emily, who collapses. Its work done, the line ceases to pose any threat as Heather leans over an unconscious Emily. She looks up to see that the remaining wires attached to the transformer are now on fire.
Commercials. I know I said I'd stopped caring about this, but: I lied. The thing with the with the cops and the convicts? Okay. Good Cop wasn't one of the ones who found the bus. So apparently what happened is, the convicts killed the sheriff and three deputies, and then, later on, they also captured Good Cop and Bad Cop and held them hostage. It's really a shame Emily and Jake killed the convicts, because they're obviously a lot more competent than any of the town's residents.
By the time the commercials are over, the library's roof is ablaze. Much to my surprise, since I expected that to be another fake-out, and that when we came back, it would turn out that Emily had just fainted and that the fire was a trick of the light. Two kids have wandered back to watch Heather telling Emily to wake up. The transformer goes kerblooey again. Heather reminds the kids about their emergency drills, and says, "Go find your buddy and sit behind the fence." The kids scamper off, except for that one boy with glasses who was so impressed by Jake's surgical skill. The kid asks if Emily's going to wake up. Heather assures him that she will, and the kid has a follow-up question: "With superpowers?" Heather replies, "Probably not." Johanna is pleased that Heather said "probably." Heather's seen enough weird stuff lately that she's figuring anything's possible. Heather tells the kid, Lucas, to run, and he finally does.
Now that power's been restored, everyone has decided to shake up their normal routine and head to the bar for a change. Mimi has recovered from the loss of her ATM card, and eagerly wonders when "they" are going to come. I'm sure that Jericho is at the top of the list for any rescue missions being planned. Stanley sounds a little hurt as he notes, "You really can't wait to fly this coop, huh?" Then he pulls at his beer and asks if she's still going to file a report about his farm. Mimi says that it isn't her first order of business, but that "it is why [she] fell into this godforsaken hellhole in the first place." He asks if that means yes, no, or maybe. Mimi says it means "Eventually." Stanley decides against asking if that means days, weeks, or months. Mimi finally confides, "If it were up to me, I'd see what I could do." I'm pretty sure that much is up to her. Stanley changes the subject, and asks whether she has family back home. Mimi has fish. Stanley says, "I'm sure they really miss you." Mimi finds this charming, for some reason, and giggles. Then she chugs the rest of her Irish Coffee, and it all makes sense. I hope Stanley's interest in Mimi is just based on an evil plan to seduce her so that she doesn't dun him for back taxes. The good times are interrupted by the sound of sirens. Stanley gets up, presumably because the sirens makes him think that Jake's nearby. He asks Mary to keep his tab open. Mary snickers, "Your tab?" He also asks her to make sure that Mimi says drunk, though he doesn't phrase it that way. As he leaves, Mimi snaps her fingers and says, "You heard the hillbilly." Y'know, a good use for iodine would be as a flavor enhancer in Mimi's drink.
Out at a picnic table in his yard, Hawkins pops open a collapsable satellite dish and then sits down at his laptop. A common problem with contemporary visual storytelling is that it's very difficult to make someone typing at a computer look exciting. This scene is no exception. Hawkins types and types, and finally a pop-up opens on top of the alert message, asking for an ID. Hawkins pulls out his America Express card and turns it upside down. So, for instance, the last five digits ("") become "2E0BL." Even more mysteriously, we get a close-up of his typing and, before the characters are replaced with asterisks, we see that he's typed something that includes both a "J" and an "R." Despite the fact that nothing on his card, even upside down, resembles those letters. I'd like to take this opportunity to give props to Suryb0i for brilliantly pointing out that the black American Express card is also called the Centurion card, and concluding, "It WAS the Cylons! Hawkins and his family are models nine through twelve!" When Hawkins is done typing, what looks like a commercial website in Russian appears. Yet another pop-up opens, and Hawkins enters another IP address.
To relieve the almost unbearable roller-coaster of excitement, we cut back to the burning library. An ambulance has arrived, and April is tending to Emily. Heather stares over at the kids, who have ventured back to watch the cool conflagration. She calls, "Where's Ashley?" Lucas says that she went to get Alice. Heather boggles for a second and finally asks, "Alice In Wonderland?" Lucas is like, "Well, sure!" and points at the building. I retract my theory that the children of Jericho are smarter than the adults. Heather promptly heads for the library door, and as she opens it, a cloud of smoke wafts out. But she goes inside anyway. Without even pausing to tell anyone what she's doing or why. Brilliant.
Inside, Heather runs back and forth through the smoky aisles calling for Ashley, and then ducks into a room.
Fire trucks finally arrive at the library. The fire chief gets a call over the radio that there's another fire on the south side of town, and sends off one of the trucks. Jake scampers up, and April explains that Emily was electrocuted. Jake ponders the fact that Emily might be a mindless creature, incapable of expressing emotions or rational thought. Or...well, you can fill in the punchline. The chief asks how the fire started, and April shouts, "Power line!" Jake expositions that if they pour water on the fire, "everybody gets fried." Then everything goes into staggered slo-mo, and plaintive piano music plays.
Town Hall. Mom arrives just Dad's getting into his fireman's gear. Dad says he thought she was at the ranch. Mom says, "The horses are safe." Johanna and I giggle madly, but I can't explain why yet. Mom says that there's nothing but dirt surrounding the stables. Wow, those horses must be miserable. Mom tells Dad that he can't go fiirefighting. Dad says that he did all his chores and his homework already, really. Well, actually, he says, "I let Chief Carroll and half the department go to Denver." Did he, now? Then whey did they also send Shep out on that fact-finding mission to Denver? Do they even have a showrunner? Jesus. So anyway, Mom doesn't want Dad to join the firefighting. She wins the argument when Eric calls in asking Dad to go downstairs and shut off the power to the library.
Back at the library, the chief -- who I guess isn't The Chief, but whatever -- signals to his men by whistling. Isn't this why they have a PA system in the fire truck? One fireman screws a hose onto a hydrant. Another turns a wheel on the truck. This week on Jericho: guys turn things. Jake lurks around uselessly as April hauls out a blue bag. He asks what she's doing, and April says, "I'm treating my patient, Jake. Butt out." Or else she says she's making sure Emily didn't have a heart attack. Why they haven't taken her to the clinic by now is anyone's guess. Jake puts a hand on Emily's shoulder reassuringly as she opens her eyes. I would pay money if they did a War Of The Roses thing where, with her dying breath, Emily reached up and threw Jake's hand off her arm. But alas, that doesn't happen. Dad calls in and says that he's shut off the power. They start spraying water onto the roof, but after a few seconds, the spray dies down to a trickle. The chief-in-name-only announces that they've lost water pressure, maybe because someone is filling his tub with water. He barks that the pump must be on the same part of the grid as the library, and tells the men to try another hydrant. Jake prepares to head for the pumping station, where I guess he plans to power it back up with his intense gaze. That's when Stanley drives up, so Jake hops into his truck and directs him to the pump. Meanwhile, April finally prepares to move Emily into the ambulance, but Emily wants to know where Heather is. April tells Eric that Heather might be in the library. Eric says, "They said they cleared the building." The firemen said that? But they arrived after Heather went in. And long after Ashley was in there. Man, the firemen are filthy liars. Eric grabs a spare jacket off of a fire truck and races into the building as April protests.
Gracie's. Lisa picks up a magazine (called Me) and says, "I wonder what Lindsey Lohans [sic] is doing right now." I wouldn't dare speculate, but I'm sure that, whatever it is, she's dressed terribly. Y'know, I can't believe that the actress playing Lisa doesn't know how to pronounce the name of the actress in question. Anyway, Skylar is trying to call her parents on her mobile, and whines that her battery's almost dead. Dale materializes, and Skylar asks if Gracie's sells phone chargers. Because...she doesn't have a charger? At her house? Where her generator is? What? The fuck? Ever? Dale takes her phone and says that he'll look for a charger. Once he's gone, Lisa asks Skylar why she likes "that freak." Skylar harrumphs, "Why do you like stupid bulimic actresses?" Ah, the mispronunciation is explained. Is a single "S" really enough to protect them from a lawsuit, though? If it is, I can't wait to hear what these kids have to say about Stom and Skatie. Ooo, or maybe I've just figured out who bombed the country in the first place! A couple of boys skateboard into the store, much to Gracie's displeasure. One of them looks eerily like Joaquin Phoenix. To the point that I had to ask Johanna if there was yet another Phoenix sibling roaming around. The guy tells the girls, "Check it out -- library's burning and I didn't even do it!" Gracie, horrified, asks if anyone's been hurt. Doppelphoenix says, "Probably." Ha! I like him. Lisa hurries off with the boys to watch the fiery destruction of knowledge. Skylar waits as Dale returns with a universal phone charger for her. She starts to invite him along to watch the blaze, but Gracie tetchily interrupts, asking Dale to make sure that the extinguishers are working. Which...oh, whatever. Dale offers to charge Skylar's phone for her, and she gratefully accepts, adding, "If my parents call..." Johanna fills in, "Don't answer -- I don't want them to know I've broken caste rules by speaking to you." I suggest, "Tell them I'm dead, because that would be better than the shame of associating with you. Especially when you're wearing that horrendous turquoise, red, and brown plaid shirt." Dale figures that Skylar just wants him to come get her. It really is an atrocious shirt, though.
Jake and Stanley arrive at Pumphouse #5, and Jake reminds us about that thing with the fire and the burning and whatever.
In the flaming library of doom, Heather opens a door and enters a small room full of toys, calling for Ashley. It wasn't until I was describing this episode to my friend Kelly that I realized how weird this library is. I mean, the children's section is in one small room? With a door? Maybe it's a Kansas thing, so that the kids are kept safe from any books that mention evolution. Heather spots Alice In Wonderland sitting on a chair, and then ducks down and sees Ashley hiding under a table. She reaches to take Ashley's hand, smiling reassuringly.
Eric bumbles through the library, where random bits of the floor are spouting flames for some reason. He finds the children's room a lot faster than Heather did, and urges, "Let's go!" Heather tells Ashley, "Better do what the angry fireman says." Ha ha ha! Also: heh. Ashley finally climbs out from under the table, but as Eric prepares to lead the way, he's conked on the head by a burning timber and falls back into the children's room. He's fine, though, because his head is his least vulnerable point. He pushes the door closed with his foot, and stands up again.
Back to the "guys turning stuff" motif. Jake and Stanley struggle unsuccessfully to turn a big wheel in the pumping station. Stanley says, "It's not gonna budge," and Jake sighs, "Thanks, Stanley." Hee. Then Jake expositions that this is the manual override, and adds, "When the power spiked, the solenoid valve shut down in the off position." Stanley gasps, "You're freakin' me out. How do you even know that?" Jake snaps, "How do you not?" Bwah ha ha! Jake may have just trumped "I was a cop in St. Louis" in the Goofiest Explanation For Esoteric Knowledge competition. Jake and Stanley go on explaining the problem to you, the home viewer, for a minute, and Jake finally says that they need leverage. Then Stanley has An Idea, just as I use up my stockpile of Randomly Capitalized Words. Er, sorry about that. Stanley tells Jake to wait, and hurries off.
Cut to Stanley rushing back to his truck and pulling a rifle with a sniper scope out of the front seat. For real. Johanna says, "He's gonna shoot Skeet for being a know-it-all." Go Stanley!
The chief-in-name-only grabs April as she tries to run into the burning library after her husband.
Library of doom. Heather tells Ashley, "We're gonna go out another way." She moves to a second door, and all my questions about the building's architecture are renewed. She grabs the handle, and then gasps and pulls her hand back in pain. Eric says that the other door is blocked, too. Hilariously, Ashley shrieks, "Smoke!" Because she's been able to ignore everything else, but the smoke seeping in under one of the doors has finally managed to alarm her. Heather tosses a plush snake from the toy collection over to Eric, and he uses it to try to block the gap under the door. As Heather reassures Ashley, Eric picks up the bottle from a water cooler in the room and pours water over the snake. Heather notices smoke seeping in from the other door, and says, "Eric? We need another snake." Best line of the episode, against some fierce competition. Eric gasps, "Jesus, Heather -- not in front of the kid! And nothing personal, but I'm already having one illicit affair."
Hawkins: If I knew anything, I would tell your Mayor.
Jake: What do you know?
Strega: Jake, his statement strongly implied that he didn't know anything.
Hawkins: Not much.
Strega: ...Unless Hawkins-speak is not like our Earth language. You win this time, Jake.
Hawkins elaborates that he got the same DHS message everyone else in town did. Jake stares at him blankly. Hawkins realizes what he's dealing with here, and carefully enunciates, "Do you want my help?" Jake gets into the truck and finally says, "Get in."
Bailey's. Mimi whines some more, and finally makes conversation by asking Mary what she's planning to do when life returns to normal. Mary, wearing quite the cleavage-intensive top, says that she's just going to live her life. "With Dudley Do-Wrong?" Mimi asks, as she inhales a martini. Mary harrumphs that Mimi doesn't know Eric as well as she does. "Mercifully," Mimi snickers. Heh. Mimi tells Mary that guys never leave their wives for girls like them. For as much Mimi drinks, she really should know better than to piss off the alcohol supplier. Mary huffs that Eric's telling his wife everything tonight, and Mimi gives that the proper yeah-sure-he-is response, and then raises her glass and insincerely toasts, "To the happy couple!"
Jake pulls up in front of what is presumably Eric's house. A neighbor is valiantly spraying a hose at the flames. Jake's all, "Hey, I'm the designated hero here!" and chases the neighbor away. Then he grabs the hoses and leads Hawkins across the street to the community pool.
As Jake connects the hose to a pump, Hawkins attaches the second hose to the end and says, "Filter system. That's pretty smart, Jake. Not as smart as chasing the neighbors away before we'd even set up our hose, of course. So where'd you learn to do all this?" Jake says, "I was a pool guy." Hawkins looks amused, like he's thinking, "My cover story is so much better than yours." Then Jake finishes with the pump and runs back across the street while Hawkins prepares to start the pump. Isn't this supposed to be another electrical fire? Since they made that point about how it's bad to just pour water on electrical fires and all? Just asking. Jake reaches the front yard, and shouts, "Turn it on!" Hawkins fiddles with the pump, and nothing happens. Jake looks back to see Hawkins making a "cut it" gesture, shaking his hand in front of his throat as he shouts something. Jake yells again for Hawkins to start the pump, and then the front window of the house explodes out with a fireball, whee! Jake dives to the ground, and when he looks up, Hawkins is gone. D'oh.
I think it's fantastic that there are so many ads for candles during this show. I wonder if they sold the ads by saying, "This episode makes electricity look like a much worse fire hazard than mere candles!"
When we return, Jake races back over to the pool, shouting for Hawkins. He looks at the pool's pump, tries flipping a switch or two, and then grunts, "Come on!" Then he runs off, directly into the path of an SUV that's zooming across the lawn toward him. Oh no, Stanley's escaped, and he's gonna run Jake down! Oh, wait, it's Hawkins, who stops the car just in time. Dammit. Hawkins jumps out and explains, "The fire knocked out the power. So I found my own." He pulls a plug out of the pump, and plugs it into an outlet in the back of his SUV. Then they both race back to Eric's front lawn and start spraying water onto the blaze. Jake commends Hawkins for his quick thinking, and Hawkins says, "I was a pool guy, too." Hee. Jake gives Hawkins an amazed look, like, "Really? I never saw you at the meetings."
Back at the library, the fire is out, and so the firemen are hauling out books. Five at a time. I assume they're making busy-work for themselves because they've decided to let the rest of the town burn to ashes. A crowd of townsfolk applaud wildly and add the books to a cart in the street. I can understand why getting the books out of the building is a higher priority than anything else going on, because the people of Jericho obviously place a high value on developing their minds. And obviously the firemen are all tuckered out and therefore incapable of carrying more than two pounds at a time. I must admit that I'm a little unclear as to why they're not bringing the books out with the wheeled cart that's right there, though. Heather checks up on Ashley, and Eric says that she'll be okay. Heather asks if the other fires are still going, and Eric says, "The south side's under control," which sounds like a "yes" to me. Then she asks about his house, and Eric says that he hasn't heard any news. He looks around for April and, suddenly concerned, wonders where she's gone. Well, I'd assume that she's gone to the clinic to tend to her patients, but in a town where the firemen prefer working as librarians, it's possible that the doctor has raced off to fix someone's plumbing.
Skylar returns to Gracie's and seems surprised that Dale's still there. He tells her that her parents haven't called, and hands over her recharged phone. Skylar asks whether he's headed home, and Dale doesn't answer. "You gonna stay here all night?" Skylar teases. Dale finally says, "Don't have anywhere else to go," and explains that the fire burned down the trailer park. Skylar apologizes, and then yells at him for taking this so calmly. She urges him, "Cry, hit something, break something!" She grabs his arm and tells him, "We'll start with the Mayor." Gee, I don't think that Dale should hit the Mayor. Then Skylar explains that Dale should ask the Mayor for a place to stay and stuff. Oh, that makes more sense. Dale harrumphs that he can take care of himself. Skylar takes offense somehow, and sniffs that she was just trying to help. Dale says he knows that, and then they stand around awkwardly until someone realizes that the scene is over.
Eric stands in the burnt-out remains of his home. I guess when Jake realized it was hopeless, he ran away so that he wouldn't have to face Eric. Good move. Eric moves to help Alice, who's filled up a box with what she could salvage. She insists that she's got it, but when Eric picks up the box, it collapses, dumping its contents onto the floor. As they pick up the papers and books, Eric spots something: a petition for divorce. Alice makes an "Oopsie" face. Then Eric says, "This is fantastic, because I was gonna divorce you!" And April says, "Wow, that really is good news, then!" Eric explains that he's been having an affair with Mary for years, and April looks awkward and says, "Er, so have I." Or maybe what happens is that Alice says she had the divorce papers drawn up before the bombs went off. I should think that was obvious. She says that she's changed her mind. Eric admits that things have been bad between them for a while. They stare at each other, and Alice finally kneels in front of Eric and sobs, "We can think about this...just, not today." If everything they own has been destroyed, it'll make dividing up their property a lot easier. If you ask me, this fire is a sign that God wants them to get divorced.
It turns out that Jake went home after totally failing to save his brother's house. I wonder if he's keeping a diary. "Oct. 18: Stole Stanley's rifle and truck, watched Eric's house burn down. A good day." Having finished updating his journal, Jake wanders downstairs and notes that Mom is setting the table with the good silver, which prompts Mom to yammer that "from now on, every night's a special occasion." Then she somehow changes the subject to Jake's Mysterious Past: "You know that thing you've been running away from?" One of the zombies has been stalking Jake? She continues, "It's not out there. He's upstairs, waiting on dinner." Oh my God, Mom caught a zombie! And she's keeping it in the house! That's bad-ass. Jake looks put-upon, and finally heads up to look at the pet zombie. As soon as he's gone, Eric and April enter with their boxes of flotsam.
Bailey's. Can you imagine what would have happened if the bar had burned down? Stanley would have been sitting in the ashes sobbing, "Why, Lord? Why couldn't you have taken me instead?" Incidentally, Stanley seems to have escaped from whatever fiendish trap Jake left him in. Although, with Jake, an L-shaped maze probably qualifies as a fiendish trap. But then I'd be genuinely impressed if Stanley found his way out of such a thing, so I guess it balances out. Anyway, Stanley and most of the townsfolk are at the bar, like I even need to say that. Mary shouts, "Last call, folks! Closing early tonight." Stanley asks how they're supposed to keep watching the alert message on the TV if they can't stay at the bar. Mary suggests, "Watch it at home." The crowd goes, "Aww." But then, as if on cue, the alert message vanishes, and is replaced with a shot of a podium bearing the Great Seal of the U.S.. It's the greatest seal ever! Mary says, "Stanley -- go tell everyone." Isn't everybody already there? Stanley whines, "But I wanna watch." Mary says that he can pay his tab, then. With that, Stanley grumpily heads out to serve as town crier.
Dad sits down with Jake in the living room, and pours them each a drink. Dad observes that they "lost a few buildings, but no lives." Which I first typed as "livers," which made me think that, at the rate these people drink, they'll start losing those soon. But anyway, he continues, "A lot of folks are saying how lucky Jericho is to have you back." He adds, "I try to correct 'em, but nobody listens to me." Then he coughs a bit, because this week he has to squeeze a whole episode's worth of coughing into the couple of scenes he's in. Jake says, "You know what the hardest part about growing up your son [sic] was?" Learning grammar? As Jake monologues, Dad leans way back on the couch like just listening to this is putting him to sleep. Hee. Jake eventually says, "I always knew you were a great judge of character, and you thought mine was lousy." Dad looks over blearily, like, "Huh? Did you say something?" Undeterred, Jake continues, saying that he kept trying to prove Dad wrong, and kept proving him right instead. He says, "Dad...I wasn't just in San Diego." Dad rubs his head wearily and snaps, "I don't care." Then Jake drops the bomb (er, metaphorically): "I was also in...La Jolla!" No, of course not. What really happens is that Dad repeats that he doesn't care, and so Jake doesn't reveal his Mysterious Past. And yes, it's just like that time onLost, and yes it's just as shamelessly irritating as Lost always is. Grrrr. Dad says that, whatever Jake did, it changed him. Then, like he has to say it fast to say it at all, he blurts, "A stupid little punk may have left home, but a pretty decent fella came back." And then Dad and Jake drink a toast to denial.
Hawkins is back in his yard, playing with his computer. He loads up a site for the State Department, complete with a window allowing him to search on "persons of interest." The camera pans across the screen, which now displays a lot of visits to countries in Central and South America in 2004. And also Qatar. Wow, that circus Jake was with really got around. Then the list of places visited is replaced with a big scary picture of Jake. Hawkins looks over Jake's passport, and we learn that Jake's full name is Johnston Jacob Green, Junior. Hawkins grins, possibly because Jake's photo is just awful. Oh boy, I hope this means that Hawkins and Jake are going to engage in a fiendish battle of wit. And no, that wasn't a typo.
After some ads, Hawkins moves back inside, but keeps on typing away at the laptop. Samuel is playing with a sock monkey as he asks why Hawkins was working outside earlier. Hawkins says that he had to fix something. Samuel asks some more questions, and doesn't really get any answers, so he's probably the most relatable character for the audience. Then Darcy tells Samuel that it's time for bed. Well, that was enlivening.
At the Green house, Mom's turned the lights down so that they can have a candlelight dinner. I should think they're all more than a little tired of eating by candlelight. Mom burbles happily about finally getting the whole family gathered together. And all it took was a nuclear blast and a destructive fire. Jake smirks, "Careful what you wish for." I'm so disturbed that Jake and I essentially made the same joke, I can't even tell you. Eric gripes about the instant potatoes, and Mom says, "Things'll be better after we get real food." This leads to everyone wistfully describing the meals they're looking forward to, and I'm usually happy to see Stanley, but I've never been more grateful than I am now, as he barges in and ends the menu recitation. He explains that the satellite at Bailey's is picking up a feed. "Woohoo, it's been hours since we've been to the bar!" the Greens exclaim as they hurry out. Eric lingers behind, and pointedly blows out the candles. Heh. Once burned...
Hawkins is at the bar, too, so I guess Stanley makes a good town crier. Mary looks up as the Greens enter, and beams at Eric. Until she sees April. Then the picture on the TV goes out, and grumbling ensues. Mary picks up the radio and tells someone, "Keep moving it -- we lost the picture." Why were they moving the dish to begin with? And who's up there? Maybe some of the homeless trailer-park people are living up on Bailey's roof now. I hope Mary's at least sending up drinks on a dumbwaiter or something. Good Cop insists that the picture will be back in a second. And then there's a rumbling that rattles the glasses hanging above the bar. Everyone troops outside and stares at the missiles zooming up into the sky.
time: cowboys! And I swear there was a shot with a vampire walking down the street to Mom. Ooo, maybe they're having a Halloween episode!