Jake and The Man pull up outside of a riverside apartment. Or maybe it's lakeside. Either way, it's gorgeous and on the water. As they make their way up the stairs, a woman, all pre-office, post-coitus, briefcase, pointy shoes and sensible hair, comes out and hollers, "Call me! If you don't, I'll hunt you down like a dog! Bye, baby. Ooh, you've got company!" She's off. And who emerges? A man. A manly man. He's in a navy bathrobe and holding a gun. The guitar starts a very A-Team-esque mischievous riff. His face comes into frame (not the unlit cigar? SO bad-ass), and oh my fucking god. It's Lee Majors. Lee motherfucking Majors. How meta is that? If anyone reading this doesn't know why it's meta that Lee Majors is playing a government agent from the '80s on J2, let me explain. Four words. Six Million Dollar Man. Popular TV show in the 1970s. That was him. The bionics thing. The whole "we can rebuild him," thing. And yes, there was a bionic dog. Also, yes, he married Farrah Fawcett, but Lindsay Wagner was the Bionic Woman. Excellent stunt casting, really perfect. So yeah, Richard Fox, who shall be known from here on out as $6 Million has his gun casually drawn, checking out his "company," cigar askew, bathrobe loosely knotted. He inspects The Man and Jake. The Man holds up a hand and pulls out his NSA identification, and introduces himself. And could he put away the gun? The guitar riffs on, and $6 Million shoves the gun in his bathrobe pocket. It'll be safe there. The Man raises an eyebrow (drink!) and says they want to talk about Subjectovitch, the rogue ex-KGB chica. He is $6 Million, right? The camera pulls in tight on his face and he says, "Call me Dick." Dick Fox. I love it.
Credits. Jake's life just got reeeeeal interesting.
We're back at $6 Million's pad, and after zooming in on a black model car with massive tailfins, we arrive at the wet bar. Jake and The Man sit like school kids on phone books at a boring church spaghetti dinner. Jake coughs politely at $6 Million's cigar smoke. $6Mil doesn't notice, and is jovial. "Anybody want a Fresca?" No thank you, sir. $6 Million flips open Subjectovitch's file for a look-see. "She always was a real bastard. You boys got a problem, all right." Right. Which is why they stopped by, Mister Fox. $6 Million fixes Jake in his sights and says bluntly, "Dick." Heh. Well, then. Maybe "Dick" has an idea on how to capture Subjectovitch? The Man takes a deep breath and says, "At the risk of sounding corny, your country needs you." Oh, really? $6 Million is gruff as he holds out his wrist. "I gave them thirty years of my life and they gave me this nifty watch." Not that he's ungrateful. He just needs a bit more motivation than knowing the good old US of A is in need. Like, maybe an $80,000 retainer? The Man doesn't think he can swing that. Okay, "Dick" is flexible. "I was just kidding. Make it fifty." Then Jake, complete nerdlinger who reads all the fine print, looks at the contract: Dick Fox can be called back into active duty at any time. Failure to do so could result in imprisonment or suspension of pension. $6 Million looks at The Man and says, "I thought you were the smart one." The Man thought so too. And Jake has never looked smittier than he does right now. Okay, $6 Million is on board. "But if we're gonna do this, we're gonna do this my way. Is that clear." Jake and The Man exchange meaningful looks (drink!) and say he can take it up with their boss. $6 Million says that oh, he will. What's his name? Meaningful look part the second, with a wry glance. Drink again.
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