Previously: Stephen quit like a big loser. John talked smack. Holly got to come back in. Sanjolly was in heaven. Lou won a cheeseburger, which the announcer calls "the greatest reward of all." Really? John and Lou got to talk to their families for Father's Day. And tonight: There will be lots of tough competition (most likely for food), and then two will be eliminated before tomorrow night's finale. Dumb opening credits. I used to think watching Spencer put on his sunglasses was bad, but tomorrow night, he'll be back, so now I sort of appreciate that he's silent in the opening credits.
Myleene and Damien welcome us to Day 23, and say we're only 24 hours from crowning the king or queen of the jungle (or, you know, 25 hours). They send us into camp, where the "celebrities" are sitting around the fire toasting each other for making the final five. Lou confessionals that it's been tough here, but it's also been a great time. Torrie thinks they've accomplished a lot. Sanjaya's excited it's almost over, but also can't believe it. Patti says her favorite moment was that first day when she was floating down the river, because she was able to get out of it herself. She also loved talking to her family. Torrie loved playing volleyball in the river when Daniel was still here. It reminded her of being with all of her brothers. Sanjaya loved seeing Holly walk back. He says it "warmed me on the inside." He also loved the torture tank because it was his first win, and he realized this game was 90 percent mental. Lou loved the "John Salley 'There's a spider in there dance'" when he first stuck his arm in that tarantula hole. John says he'll still do a jig dance if there's a spider on him, but he won't be as afraid. He says this jungle has changed his life and transformed the way he thinks. For example, he used to think he'd never bathe in a river because it was disgusting, but the river's changed his life. Dramatic shots of John sitting in the river. He talks about his conversations with Patti. Lou says being here has been complete, introspective, and emotional, and has brought into focus what matters. Sanjaya's loved every minute.
Lou calls everyone over the benches for a scroll. He tells them that millions have been following their jungle experience. Fortunately, so have the people at Colgate, who think their teeth are probably gross, so they send their new Wisp mini-brush (and some advertising dollars to NBC). The celebrities are all animated, "That's sweet, Colgate! Thank you!" They say that it tastes good, and that it's amazing. Totally unscripted, of course. Commercials.
Back with Myleene and Damien, who tell us they will eliminate people later, tomorrow's the finale, and all of the eliminated celebrities will be back for that. Back in the jungle, John reads a scroll. It's time for the individual food trial, "Catch a Crawling Star." That's all they get and then they head across the bridge. Lou's wearing a cowboy hat and he says, "Let's go get 'em, buckaroo," to which someone (John, I think) responds, "A-har. Hardy." Lou: "No, that's a pirate." Yeah, I don't think that was anything, but it definitely wasn't a buckaroo. They find Damien and Myleene, who show them their food, which is gourmet salad and bread. Myleene explains the game: They will race across cables that are suspended across the river. Along the way, they'll collect flags. The first one across wins, but a dropped flag is a 15-second penalty. Two can go at a time, but it's an individual race.
Torrie and John are first As they're getting locked into to their cables, Torrie starts crying, apparently afraid of heights. John gives her a really awesome pep talk, telling her not to look down and that if she falls, he'll race down like Spider-Man (Spidey, not Speidi) and grab her. He tells her she can do anything. See, America? John is awesome. It seems to work, as they start sliding themselves along the cable. John stays about a flag ahead of Torrie and finishes before her, then encourages her the rest of the way. Sanjaya and Lou are , and Sanjaya flies along the cable, probably because he weighs almost nothing. John yells for Sanjaya to drop one of them. Sanjaya says the hardest part was the exhaustion. Lou is starting to get closer, but Sanjaya wins pretty handily (though by less than a flag). Sanjaya says it was totally exhausting, and the first thing he thought afterward was that he needs beans and rice. Now.
Patti races against herself. She seems to be flying at first, but then slows way up and then falls under the cable and drops two flags. She keeps going and makes it to the final flag. She says she had to dig down deep to finish. Myleene and Damien line the celebrities up to reveal the results. With her penalties, Patti's time was 5:14. He tells her it's "very impressive." But I don't think he means it. Sanjaya finished in 1:58. Torrie finished in 2:50. Lou finished in 2:20. John's time was 2:10. So, Sanjaya and John both get to eat the gourmet salad tonight. Commercials.
Back with just Myleene, who tells us once again that it's Day 23. She says Damien's heading into camp to reveal tonight's first elimination. Oh, and we can vote later. But she says no matter who wins, they are all winners. I would have said "losers," actually, but whatever. Back in camp, Lou reads a scroll that it's time for them to give each other awards. There are 13 awards lined up, one for each celebrity who spent time in the jungle. They all have to decide which award each person will get. They start with the people who are still in the jungle. John nominates himself as "best chef." Everyone quickly agrees. John accepts it on behalf of his mom, who taught him how to cook. John nominates Patti for the "I'm a Celebrity NOW" award. She accepts it graciously but says in confessional she would have rather been "best swimmer" or "quietest." She then stops talking for a long pause. I would say she did it for effect, but I don't think she's that smart.
Lou nominates Sanjaya for the Internal (or Infernal) Music award, but John names it the "jungle funk award." Sanjaya fans himself off, all high-pitched, and says he doesn't know what to say. John suggests Lou as "the Entertainer." He thanks the Academy, since he'll never get to say that in his life. They all laugh. I like that anytime Lou gives me an opportunity to make fun of him, he does it for me. Lou's proud they picked him as an entertainer, since it's what he gets paid for. Patti nominates Torrie as "Strongest," but she doesn't like it, so Patti asks how about "I'm more than a pretty face," and Torrie accepts it, but accidentally calls it the "I am not a pretty face award," which is really funny. Patti corrects her and they all laugh.
They then move on to those who already left. Suggestions for Janice: "Most Loogie Award" (and we are lucky enough to see her hocking them again). "Pain in the Ass Award." "Best Liar." But John gives her the "Do You Know Who I Think I Am? Award," and then Torrie pretends to be Janice in confessional, with the Janice award. She says she was the first supermodel and then fake-hocks a loogie. : Spencer. They give him the "Best Spence Out." Um, yeah, who else could win that? Lou accepts it on his behalf by screaming about it being a billion-dollar award. It's hilarious. Lou says generations will look back on this night and say, "Wow. That was the birth of a really silly idea." But at least Lou got to continue to entertain us.
Damien is outside of camp and about to go in and tell us who's the first to go. The camera follows him inside. It's a rainy night in camp, and Damien tells them the vibe feels pretty heavy. He says he's sure they know why he's there, since two are going home tonight. He tells them America has voted, and lines are closed. Everyone looks nervous. Damien starts with Torrie, who is... safe. She's made the final. Then Lou. Who is also safe to the finale. Of course. The first person eliminated tonight is Sanjaya. Which sucks, obviously. Since when did Torrie have more fans than American Idol? Who is watching this show? A bunch of horny, teenage boys? I guess it could also be a bunch of horny, middle-aged men. Whatever. Bye-bye, Sanjaya. At least maybe he can still catch Holly at the hotel and make more Sanjolly magic. Everyone hugs and kisses Sanjaya.
Back outside of camp, Damien says it's between Patti and John: One will go home later, and one will be in the finale. But now we have to say goodbye to Sanjaya. Inspirational music plays as he crosses the bridge and hollers, "Peace out, fam!" In confessional, he says his goal when coming here was to learn as much as possible and find fears and conquer them. He says his role was as the younger brother. He's the youngest, but surprised people. John says Sanjaya's as tough as nails and no one knew it. Then we get a cute Sanjolly montage. Sanjaya says it's been life-changing, but he came in as "Jungle Boy" and is leaving as "Rain Forest Man." Awww, Jungle Boy's all grown-up. Commercials.
Myleene, who looks so fashionable in a cute red dress and a headband, by the way, is waiting for Sanjaya to come out and talk live. He shows up and she congratulates him on 23 days in the jungle. He's disappointed, but happy he made it to the top five, and he's ready to watch his fellow campmates compete in the finale. He tells Myleene he's learned a lot, but the main thing is it doesn't matter how old you are or who you are if you put your mind to something. Myleene tells him that out of 12 trials, he won nine. He's sort of amazed to find that out, but he says it was all about his mind, and it was in it to win it. She says he's being very humble. Then she wants to talk to him about love. With Holly. She asks if they can look forward to something happening outside. He says she's his best friend in camp, but he doesn't know. Myleene shows Sanjaya (and us) a Sanjolly flashback, including them in the river together and her saying he's attracted to her. He looks shy and smiley.
She also tells him he has won legions of fans, but especially his campmates and shows him a montage of people telling him how much they love him (I'm thinking they must have recorded these for everyone?). Torrie tells him he's a sweet light in this camp and he always entertained her. Patti enjoyed Sanjaya's singing and thinks he was a joy to be around. John says he was a pleasure to have in camp, and he wants him to "sing, sing, sing, because that is your passion." He tells him he loves him a lot. Lou calls Sanjaya "my son," and says he's happy to know him at 19, on the doorstep of manhood. He thinks Sanjaya has an open mind and heart. Myleene asks who Sanjaya wants to win, but he's crying too hard to choose. Myleene holds his hands and asks "everybody" to cheer for him, so they do. The crew, apparently. In a little while, Myleene says, Damien will eliminate one of the camp's BFFs, Patti and John. Commercials.
Damien's outside camp, about to head back in to reveal who else is eliminated. He goes back in, reminds Torrie and Lou they're safe, and Patti and John that one of them is leaving tonight. He says "going home tonight," but I doubt that, since the finale's tomorrow and they'll be there. The to leave is... Patti. She shakes her head yes and says, "Good." I think she actually means it. She hugs everyone and tells Torrie to kill these guys. Damien gets all dramatic outside of camp about Torrie, John and Lou being our finalists. He says it's time for Patti to leave, and talks nice about her. Inspirational music as she crosses the bridge. John tells her to "Start writing," so they must have talked about a memoir or something. [Or being pen-pals? - Zach] We flash back to her talking about her life, and in confessional, she says she will take hopefulness from this experience. John says meeting her was wonderful. Torrie also says she's become an incredible friend to her. Patti didn't expect to feel so welcomed and encouraged. Lou thinks they won her trust. John says she's a kindred soul. She says she found more strength within herself here. Myleene tells us the phone lines are open again, so we can vote for our winner. Live shots of them as she tells us, and John's jumping around, excited to have made it, I think. Commercials.
Damien and Myleene welcome us back, and remind us who was eliminated and who our final three are. Then they call Patti over to talk. They hug her, and ask if she expected to last that long. She didn't, but says she got stronger every day. Patti says she loved it here, and doesn't think she'll experience anything like this again. Myleene says she got here three weeks ago, and opened her heart up to this group of celebrities. We get a clip of Patti hugging and talking to Speidi, Torrie, John and Lou. She says she seems to have gotten the crying out early on, and she's happy now, no matter who wins. They ask her about her friendship with John, and she says he was encouraging and helpful. She says they all plan to keep in touch, and have even planned a reunion for year at this time. They'll invite everyone, even Speidi. Damien says Patti is considered a sexy mom, and she says she's flattered by that. Myleene says Patti's shown she's a fighter, and asks if she thinks life will seem easier now. Patti does. Who does Patti think will win? She says she likes all of them, but she hopes Torrie wins it "for all us girls."
Damien says Patti's won over the heart of America, "which is really, really impressive." Wait... we all share a heart? That is impressive. He says she's also won over her campmates, and we get her goodbye montage. Sanjaya says she's one of the strongest women he's ever met and it was an honor to get to know her. John calls her his "BFF in this Costa Rica jungle." He says they've had great conversations and will for the rest of their lives. Torrie appreciates Patti's generous heart and loves her. Lou says the strength, reserve, and poise she's shown here and with everything at home makes her a truly admirable woman. She tells Myleene and Damien the campmates have made an impression on her, too. Myleene gets the crew to cheer for Patti, too. They remind us that it's between John, Torrie and Lou in the finale, and we can vote if we care.
If you're still undecided, you can check out how much they want to win. Clips of the three of them really wanting to win. They're all competitive. It is funny that the three most competitive people have made it to the finale. Apparently America actually cares who wants to win. We get clips of Torrie winning a lot. Lou and John winning a lot. They all want to win. John gets the last word again: "I plan on winning this. I hope America understands the plan." If I cared who won the finale, I'd totally vote for him. Speidi, Baldwin brothers, Janice, Holly, Sanjaya and Patti will be back tomorrow for the "big finale." See you then. And then I will collapse, like you do after a marathon or something. That's how hard this has been. (Marathon runners: I know it doesn't compare. It's a joke.)
Discuss this episode in our forums, and watch episodes here. Then see why vloggers Val and Beth think that Sanjaya's presence should have been a warning to others in TV is the Answer!
DeAnn is a writer and editor in Portland, Oregon. You can contact her at twopmodmars@gmail.com.