We Got Renewed? Miracle!

By Omar G | Season 3 | Episode 20

And here we are at the end of a slightly strike-shortened season with an episode that feels a little short and just barely delivers goods, but still has some pretty good laughs. Overall, it was a good season, and I'm sure we're all glad the show's been renewed for a fourth. Onward!

We open with Ted about to get into a cab as Radiohead's "(Nice Dream)" is playing. It's such a beautiful song that I'm surprised nobody's used it in a movie ad or other major TV show before. Or maybe they have and I missed it. I just saw Radiohead in Dallas last night, no lie. They didn't play this song, but they made up for it by playing all of In Rainbows as well as "Fake Plastic Trees" and a high-energy rant of "Wolf at the Door." But enough about Radiohead and their complete and total awesomeness (which even this show recognizes). You want to hear about Ted Mosby. SagetTed tells his kids in voiceover that this is a story about the cab ride that changed his life. He bends down to tie his shoelace as several cabs pass by. SagetTed wonders what would have happen if he had taken one of those, including a grimy, beaten-down car with "TAXI" spray painted on the side. He finally settles on a cab and, SagetTed says, it changed his life. The cab stops at an intersection and Ted looks out the rear right window. He sees something surprising, but we don't see what it is. He freezes and the music stops. "But first we need to back up a little," SagetTed says.

We side-whoosh to the apartment where Ted sighs deeply as he walks in. He asks if there's any beer in the fridge. Marshall, Lily and Robin are all sitting in the living room. Lily says it's 10 in the morning. On a weekend, I hope. Marshall is reading a copy of The New York Examiner, which has a cover story with the headline, "Nude cabbie vows to kill again." A police sketch of a bald guy with glasses and an eyepatch is shown. Marshall asks if Ted can bring him one. Ted explains that something bad just happened. He says that he and Stella were having breakfast together... immediate side-whoosh to the patio outside Popover Pantry, where they're eating. Stella tells Ted that her sister just broke up with her boyfriend. Ted immediately goes on a rant about how much he hated that guy, who was a vegan and was all hippie-dippy. "He's an idiot," Ted says dismissively. Stella says that her sister is marrying the guy, but she wanted Ted's honest opinion. Ted tries to backtrack and say that the guy is nice and kinda wise. Stella just laughs. She asks if Ted wants to go with her to the wedding so they can laugh their asses off as he wears a hemp tuxedo and walks down the aisle barefoot. Ted asks when it is. It's in November. Cut back to the living room where Lily is asking if that's the bad thing: getting invited to a wedding. Ted points out that six months is a long time to plan ahead in a new relationship. It means Stella thinks they'll still be together in six months. Ted brings up one of Barney's philosophies about planning ahead. We cut to a scene sometime in the past where Ted, Barney and Marshall are sitting in a corner booth at MacLaren's. Ted is presenting some Bruce Springsteen tickets he just scored for a future date. Barney warns him that he's messing with the date-time continuum. He says you never make plans with a girl in the future further ahead than the amount of time you've already been going out. That is amazingly good logic. Barney says that Ted's not going to a concert in January with a girl he's only been dating for two weeks. He tears up the tickets, to Ted and Marshall's horror. Apparently, they've never heard of Scotch tape. For extra funny, Barney says that by January, Ted won't even remember this "Robin" girl's name. Cut to the apartment, where Robin says, "Aw, man, I LOVE Springsteen! He's like the American Bryan Adams!" Har har, oh, Canada. Lily and Marshall give Robin funny looks. Ted says that Barney had a point. The wedding invitation did freak him out. Cut back to the breakfast with Stella. Ted brings up to Stella that six months is twice as long as they've been dating. Cut back to the apartment. Robin can't believe Ted said that. Restaurant: Ted goes on and on about how it'll be sort of a family trip, since Stella's daughter will be coming. Apartment: Marshall groans, "Oh boy..." Restaurant: Ted is getting really hot and uncomfortable. Stella asks what's wrong. "We need to talk," he says. Back at the apartment, everybody groans. Lily says you only say that when you're pregnant or breaking up with someone. Ted says he did break up with her. D'oh! Idiot! Robin asks how she took it. Flash back to the restaurant, where Ted says he was just trying to be honest. Stella, upset, says she has to get back to work. Ted says he doesn't want to leave things like this. Stella says it's all right. "We're good," she says, as she walks away. At the apartment, Lily leans over and pops Ted on the back of the head. Ted explains that Stella is a mom and that he has to deal with his doubts now, not in six months over tofu salmon at the wedding. He says he can't do that to Stella or her daughter. He claims he's being the good guy. Ted takes a sip of his beer. "Which brings me back to the cab ride," SagetTed says. "(Nice Dream)" is playing and we see Ted look out the cab window. What he saw was a black car approaching. It slams into the side of the cab, the side where Ted was sitting. Cut to black.

By Omar G | Season 3 | Episode 20

The song continues to play as we see an attendant at a hospital making phone calls. Marshall, at the apartment playing Guitar Hero in his boxers, answers. He goes from happy to shocked. Then we see Lily answer her phone in her classroom. She's also shocked. Just as Thom Yorke sings, "I called up my friend the good angel," we cut to Robin, at her anchor desk. She's getting her makeup done and has napkins around her blouse neckline. She answers her phone, too. We cut to Marshall trying to put on pants at the apartment and doing a bad job of it. Lily has to leave her classroom with a sub. Robin runs out of her studio. We see slow-motion shots of Lily, Robin and Marshall all dashing to the hospital. Robin still has on her napkins. Did I say this was a good song? It's a GREAT fucking song. And so beautifully used here. The three of them all arrive at the emergency room doors together. Marshall still has his virtual guitar strapped around his shoulder. They all hit the reception desk together. Robin asks for Ted and they all head to his room, still in slow motion, still with Thom singing, "Nice dream... nice dream." It's not a dream sequence, by the way. The music cuts off as they enter the room. Ted is sitting up and eating something. "Jell-O?" he asks.

Ba ba pa pa! Ba ba pa last episode of Season Three!

In the hospital room, Lily asks if Ted is fine. He's not: he feels like he made the biggest mistake of his life breaking up with Stella. He's already left her about 10 messages on her phone, which is off. Stella is out at Kiddie Funland with her daughter. On a weekday? While school is in session? What day of the week is this? I thought it was weird that everybody was hanging out at the apartment at 10 AM earlier if this is the same day as when Ted broke up with Stella. A male nurse walks in. Ted says he has to go to Kiddie Funland. The nurse says Ted's not getting any morphine. The nurse says that Ted isn't going anywhere until they get his tests back to make sure he doesn't have internal injuries or brain bleeding. Ted thinks this really, really sucks. Marshall, on the other hand, thinks this is a miracle since Ted didn't get hurt. Robin is already skeptical. Robin scoffs and declares there's no such thing as miracles. Marshall says, "March, 2006: MacLaren's Bar." Side-whoosh to the bar, where Marshall, Ted and Barney are throwing pencils at the ceiling to try to make them stick. Is this like going to a sports bar that lets you throw peanut shells all over the floor? They keep trying as we cut to a few pencils stuck in the green tiled ceiling. Ted flings one up and it sticks. The guys cheer and do a shot together. As soon as they put down the shot glasses, a pencil falls, hits the table and bounces up into Barney's right nostril. Marshall and Ted cower in horror. Barney yelps. "No way," Ted says. "That did not just happen!" Marshall declares. Barney asks if he's dead. At the hospital, Marshall says that was a miracle. Robin is still doubting. She says it's not so much a miracle as a drunk jackass with a box of pencils. Marshall says it was a jackass called "God" with a box of pencils called "Destiny." I would like to try out those pencils. Lily says that she should give Barney a call. Ted asks why she'd do that since they're not friends anymore. Lily says that Ted would want to know if it happened to Barney.

By Omar G | Season 3 | Episode 20

Ba ba pa pa! Ba ba pa last episode of Season Three!

By Omar G | Season 3 | Episode 20

On the street, Barney is still running. He urges Ted not to go into the light.

Ted has a visitor. It's Stella. Is it enough of a shock that we should go to commercial without another laugh? The people behind this episode seem to think so. After the commercials, everyone leaves the room to give them some privacy. Ted starts with, "I love you." She says she loves him, too. He asks if they can forget about what happened earlier and she says it's forgotten before he can even finish his sentence. She looks at his chart and everything looks to be all right. "I think you can handle it," she says. "Handle what?" he asks. She mounts him right on the hospital bed and they start kissing. Yow! Robin, Lily and Marshall all go, "Awwww." Marshall thinks it's a miracle that they went from breaking up to dry-humping. Robin says sarcastically that the Vatican would probably tell him that most of their certified miracles also involve dry humping. Sacrilegious!

"April 2008, Lily's kindergarten classroom!" Marshall tries. Marshall is telling Lily that he's going to go bed for his old job back. He says the job market is tough. He tries to get the classroom of kids behind him, but as Lily points out, they'll cheer for anything if you say it the right way. She gets the kids to cheer for a devastating oil spill off the coast of Alaska. We cut to Marshall, wearing a business suit, and meeting with one of his old bosses. (Sadly, it's not Bob Odenkirk.) We cut back and forth between the classroom and the law office. This really feels like a plot that could have been in a whole different episode. It's post-strike, end-of-the-season cramming time, I guess. While Lily goes to grab some glue from another room, she asks Marshall to watch the class. Marshall uses this as an opportunity to play "Tiny hat on a huge man." As he entertains the kids with his various hats, we see him also grovel for his job at the law firm, saying he made a huge mistake. In the classroom, he tries on a small Pilgrim's hat and says it's not small: he just has an abnormally large head. You know I love Marshall, right? This scene still goes on way too long in an already too-short episode. Marshall does Abe Lincoln , as Future Law Office Marshall is scratching his head. The kids are much more entertained by the tiny hats and Marshall's booming voice than I am. In the law office, Marshall realizes that all the head scratching is because he got lice from the tiny hats. That's too bad, because his boss was going to give him a second chance. "Those little bastards gave me lice!" Marshall thinks to himself. He tries not to scratch, but of course, that just makes it worse. He squirms as his old boss talks and talks. Marshall tries to rub his head with the chair. He drops a pen so he can scratch his head on the corner of the desk. Marshall keeps trying to keep his cool, but of course he can't. "I HAVE LICE!" he finally screams. The boss yells at Marshall to get out. Over an intercom, he orders an evacuation of the building. Marshall tells Robin that if it wasn't for the lice, he would have gotten his job back and two weeks later when the SEC came knockin' (we see a clip of two of the bosses being taken out by police), Marshall would have been in trouble, too. It's a miracle. Get it? Stella emerges from the hospital room. Lily hugs her and says she's so glad they're back together. Stella asks what she means by that. Stella says it was a small fight, not a breakup. She figures out that Ted thought it as a breakup. "Son of a bitch!" she says. She goes back into the room and knocks the Jell-O out of Ted's hand. She asks if that was a breakup. Ted thought it was clear that it was. She didn't know. She meant, "We're good" like you'd say it to a waiter when you're fine. Ted tells her to forget about all that. After the accident, he's happy with her and doesn't want to break up. "But you did," she reminds him. She thinks he's going to have those feelings again and keep breaking up with her. She can't count on a car accident every time Ted has doubts. She tells Ted he can have his breakup. "We're good," she tells him, in a very different tone this time. Ted looks around, shell-shocked.

By Omar G | Season 3 | Episode 20

Lily, Marshall and Robin are back at Ted's bedside. They can't believe what just happened. Marshall asks if Ted actually said the words, "I want to break up." Ted says that of course he didn't. It's terrible to say that. Everyone agrees. Ted's phone rings. It's the same nurse who called everyone earlier about Ted's accident, but she doesn't seem to remember his name. She's calling because Ted is listed at Barney's emergency contact. Ted is confused, but SagetTed is ready to explain.

We cut to a street where Barney, sweaty and out of breath, is right across the street from the hospital. "I made it. I made it!" he announces. He puts his suit jacket back on and is promptly hit by a bus. Cut to Barney's bedside in the same hospital. Ted, now dressed in regular clothing, is with Robin, Marshall and Lily. He can't believe Barney ran all the way to the hospital. Barney, in pretty much a full-body cast and with scratches all over his face, pretends that Ted is just flattering himself. Barney lies that he had to attend an important international business meeting on this side of town. He says he's doing awesome without Ted. He says he can play the sympathy card now with the ladies. "And, BTW, there's one bone downstairs that ain't broken." He tries to get a high-five from Marshall, which involves wiggling his fingers above the place where his whole arm is in a cast and sticking up. Barney says he had it set that way so he could do it. Marshall gives him a too-rough high-five and Barney screams. "Worth it," he whimpers. Ted is touched. "You could've died," he says. Barney apologizes for breaking the Bro Code. Ted says he's sorry, too. Quietly, Barney asks, "Ted, can we be friends again?" On the verge of tears, Ted says they're more than friends. He says they're brothers. All right, I got pretty teary-eyed here, in spite of the fact that Ted is a total douche to go from not wanting to see Barney ever again to calling him "Brother." Screw you, Ted. You're lucky Barney is so hollow inside. "You're my brother, Ted!" Barney says, smiling and looking incredibly adorable. Now they do cry as Ted comes in and hugs Barney's chest. "Did you hear that, Marshall? We're brothers now!" Barney says. Ted invites Marshall in as another brother. Or rather, a brother from another. "We're all brothers!" Marshall says, cuddling in. Barney tries to make sure that he and Ted are, in fact, Best Brothers. SagetTed says that this is how they buried the hatchet. He tells us that things got pretty mushy after that, so we're gonna skip ahead. Barney is telling them what happened after the accident. He almost passed out when the paramedics took out an electric blade... they cut off his suit. "My beautiful suit!" he says. Marshall says that with Ted and Barney both alive on the same day, it must be a miracle. Robin blows a raspberry and gives him a thumbs-down. Marshall asks how she can be so cynical. Robin asks if he really wants to know. She tells a story.

By Omar G | Season 3 | Episode 20

When she as little, Robin had a dog named Sir Scratchawan. Ha. Nice. He got really old and her parents had to put him down. We cut to Robin as a little girl, sitting on a rug with her golden retriever. "I love you!" she tells the dog, who looks very tired. Awww. Robin says it was the hardest day of her life. She kisses the dog. Her parents told her that the vet discovered, just that day, an experimental procedure called a canine/testudine cerebro-xenograph. Nobody's heard of it. She says it saved the dog's life and he lived another seven years. "Miracle!" Marshall declares. Except for one thing. We cut to Young Robin. She's welcoming home Sir Scratchawan. He is a large turtle. Robin goes a little nutty as she tells the group about how her dog turned into a turtle, yet didn't remember his old tricks. They look worried for her. We flash back to Young Robin throwing a bone for the turtle to go fetch. Wow. That is sad and funny. The turtle won't go. Robin looks very angry. "How long was it before..." Lily begins. "Longer than I'm proud of, Lily," Robin says. Boy is she messed up. Robin says that's when she realized miracles aren't real. Barney starts to giggle as Robin excuses herself from the room. The male nurse comes in and tells Ted that he's fine and doesn't have to stay. Ted has to go. Barney is cool with him leaving. Barney is giving a little pep talk, but Ted doesn't hear it because he's gone. Marshall tells Barney that before his accident, Ted's life flashed before his eyes, or at least what he loves did. He asks if Barney had that experience. Marshall and Lily start joking about what Barney must have seen. "Boobs." "Scotch." Money. Suits. Suits of boobs. Robin comes back into the room and Barney just stares at her. "A giant boob wearing a suit of money!" Marshall declares. "And the boob is lactating Scotch!" Lily adds. The camera zooms in on Robin as she laughs. Barney, completely serious, can't stop watching her. "That's pretty much everything you love, right?" Marshall asks. Barney finally looks away from Robin. "Yeah," he agrees, "pretty much."

By Omar G | Season 3 | Episode 20

SagetTed explains, over a shot of the city at night, that he's had a lot of weird and random things happen, but the car accident was one of the few that he calls a miracle. Not because of what happened, he says, but because of what happened . Ted finds Stella at the Kiddie Funland. Her daughter is playing Whack-A-Mole. Ted asks to talk to her. They sit in a racing game. He got her a little stuffed orange kangaroo. Ted says he's been thinking about what's changed since the accident. He says he's changed and he's ready to give her what she needs. He says he spent 10 minutes at the claw machine trying to get her a big fake diamond ring. But all he could get was the kangaroo. "Diamond ring?" she asks. "Will you marry me?" Ted asks. They're facing each other and we go to black immediately. No tag, no epilogue, no hints. That's it. Season Three is over.

Thanks for reading this season and thanks to the show for being so consistently funny and entertaining. And yes, awesome. Have a great and legen... wait for it... dary summer!

-- Omar G. is a journalist and comic living in New Braunfels, Texas. You can find him on Terribly Happy, Space Monkeys! and at Videogamey.com.