Livin' on the Edge

S08E10

Callie Rogers is a young lady who ran away because she was tired of taking care of her drug-addicted mother. But she ended up in a nice empty house and she's still going to high school. She's even captain of the volleyball team. So she's doing all right for herself, but that doesn't stop Dr. Adams from meddling and calling social services. The mother comes by and she and Callie have a lot of arguments. Then they appear to reconcile, but then Callie sneaks out. Oh, and she had some kind of parasitic worms, as opposed to an aneurysm or alcoholism.

Meanwhile, Foreman is still sneaking around with Anita, that married lady. House blackmails him a little, but then it turns out that Anita has already told her husband about her affair. Foreman is thrown by her desire to keep going out with him while still working on her marriage, and they eventually break up.

Also, Taub is bored by his daughters and House treats a pair of Civil War reenactors who refuse to break character. Neither story is compelling, but at least the reenactors have goofy accents.

The hospital. A girl is having trouble breathing, which her father says has been going on for a week. She assures House that it's "asthma or something." She had strep five months ago and remembers that she received amoxicillin for it. She asks for an inhaler, and House busts them on being unrelated homeless people. She starts to storm out, but House tells her she's bleeding from the ear. And she is! She says she hasn't been hit in the skull. House pulls out an ear thingy to check the ear canal. There's no fever. He tells her to pay the fake dad off, which she does with two cans of Budweiser. So much for him. The girl sounds freaked out, and House saying he has no idea what's wrong with her doesn't help.

The team meets House in a diner 30 miles away from the hospital, which he claims is just because he got his ankle bracelet off. Adams says that the patient is under eighteen, which requires a guardian's approval for any treatment. House rejects her request to call Social Services. Taub proposes various homeless-related diagnoses like malnutrition. Foreman walks into the diner with his married lady and House acts surprised. Foreman claims she's a pharmaceutical rep and that this is a perfectly normal business lunch. At a diner thirty miles from the hospital. Chase has a medical theory, but Taub shoots it down with a clean middle ear. Adams asks if she's been vaccinated and House says to proceed with the theory of pneumococcus.

Adams tries to bond with the runaway, who is uninterested: "Being homeless isn't a vacation for me. And I'm not acting out." Taub tries to tell her there are other options, but the runaway's not going for a group home or a foster parent. Adams noses through her bag and discovers a history book, because the runaway goes to school.

House goes to the clinic and meets two civil war reenactors dressed as Confederate soldiers. They refuse to break character, saying things like "We swore that we would see the elephant together." The general has diarrhea (or "the green apple squats," as he calls them), so House tosses him some pills. He offers to add mercury to make it more authentic for them.

Hospital café. Chase, Foreman, and Taub. Foreman talks about how great his new lady friend is. He's vaguely guilty about how he's dating a married woman, but Taub encourages Foreman to get in there. Then he talks about his own life and how he has to child-proof his house and try to find ways not to be bored with his daughters. He's getting rid of all of his magazines so he can focus all of his laser-like attention on them. Adams calls in to report that the school definitely vaccinated her. She and Park are in the vacant house where the runaway has been staying. There's plenty of food, water, and beer. Park says the girl is even head of the volleyball team. Adams spots some mold under the sink.

The runaway is furious that they went to her school. She starts to leave, saying she'll get some fluconazole at a clinic. I'm impressed with how much she knows about medicine. Then she collapses because she can't feel her legs. It's not a fungal infection!

House is shooting skeet. Adams continues to encourage him to get Social Services involved. House says no. He's terrible at skeet-shooting and Park accurately points out that he's never done this before. Chase proposes vasculitis. House puts the runaway on steroids. Adams says she's calling Social Services. House insists that she participate in a skeet-shooting bet and she naturally wins. He looks shocked.

The runaway appears to be responding to the corticosteroids and is friendly with the social worker. But Adams spots some suspiciously high heels on the social worker.

Foreman has House and Adams in his office. That was a hooker posing as a social worker, which I guess could be a fetish for someone. House called off the real social worker by pretending to be a Mr. Pujols. I mention that because House finds the name "Pujols" funny. "Poo-holes." Foreman is calling the cops. Exit Adams. Foreman is going to give House additional clinic hours. He thinks House can't get out of it because Chase deleted the pictures on his phone. But House has actual pictures. House insists on reduced clinic hours and unlimited Internet porn. In my opinion, Foreman should not be letting House blackmail him while he's still on parole for driving a car into his boss's house.

Lobby. Wilson tells House he's protecting the runaway because he likes her. He feels that she's House's road not taken. House denies having a connection with the kid. Wilson says that when the parents show up, House will protect her.

Taub has two babies and some hand puppets at his home. He is nearly as bored by this as I am. He gives the kids each a hand puppet and starts to read his DVR manual.

Back at the hospital, Adams assures Taub that kids are just boring. Taub's sure are. I imagine parents of actual twins are rolling their eyes at his complaints about how his kids just sit there. I bet there are more inconvenient things a pair of tiny babies could do. Adams and Taub find the Runaway, who's packing to leave. She says her mother hit her and that she doesn't trust the system to protect her. The mother enters and announces herself as Ellen Rogers. The kid is Callie. A Social Worker tries to calm things down, but Callie breaks the tension by coughing up a lot of blood.

By Montykins

House is watching a hundred-dollar turtle race. I appreciate the lengths this show is willing to go to in order to provide a crazy backdrop for the same old conversations. Adams says the autoimmune diagnosis is out and Park wants to talk about where the blood was coming from. She also bets a hundred dollars on one of the turtles, which does not match her established income level. Remember how she couldn't even get her car fixed? Now she's dabbling in turtle-betting? This does result in her yelling, "Move your ass, Mr. Chips!" and I believe that's a reference to My Fair Lady. Chase proposes sinusitis. Adams counters with Zollinger-Ellison if the blood comes from her stomach. House says to do an endoscopy and to get the mother's approval. Now Adams doesn't want the mother involved. Then she shouldn't have called Social Services! Park's turtle loses and she pays House off. Now she's just got hundred-dollar bills in her pockets?

Adams snots at the mother. The mother cops to being a drug addict (Oxycontin, mostly) and a bad mother, especially after the father died. She says she hurt Callie a lot, but she never hit her.

Foreman and Anita (that's his lady friend) at his home. He tells her about House having pictures. She says blackmail won't be a problem, since she already told her husband. Foreman is thrown. She says neither of them is giving up on the marriage and she's also not giving up on the Foreman affair. She goes in for a kiss.

Clinic. House is unwrapping a bloody foot. The Confederate shot his foot with a blank. He's not talking like a Confederate soldier and explains that the other guy (Sheldon) is a "progressive", a super-obsessive reenactor. They never break character while in costume. He and Sheldon are brothers who bonded over the reenacting. House thinks that's idiotic.

By Montykins

Callie admits that her mother didn't really hit her. She just lied because she wanted to get out of seeing her mother and it was a simple story. Her new story is that she had to get a job and work double shift to keep her mom alive. So she decided to leave and be a grown-up on her own. This is exactly like the story that Chase told last week, but even though he's in the room, he doesn't seem to notice. Adams assures her that her mother wants to try again. Callie says that she'll feel that way until she starts using again.

Adams and Chase in the lab. They want to talk about people changing, but first they spot a bleeding ulcer in Callie's esophagus.

House's office. The team throws around lots of diagnoses. Adams suggests alcohol-induced esophagitis, since there was a lot of beer at the house. House says she hasn't been drinking around them. So maybe some of the symptoms are due to the DTs? He suggests a berry aneurysm. There's no sign of that on the CAT scan, but it could have been hiding. The two proposals are alcoholism and berry aneurysm. Let's do some brain surgery!

Taub and Adams tell Callie and she accurately notes that they don't believe the aneurysm theory. She says she's not an alcoholic, since she only has beer with friends occasionally and most of the beer she keeps around is for payment. She insists she's not an addict. She wants the brain surgery. But it's her mom's decision. Callie orders her to approve the surgery. "I need a few minutes," says mom.

House yells at Adams for undermining his diagnosis in front of the patient. She tells him not to bully the mother into approving brain surgery because she's feeling overwhelmed. House says the daughter is going to die from the aneurysm she decided not to treat.

House sits by the mother and ostentatiously takes some Vicodin in front of her. He tells her she shouldn't be making the decision. He wants her to leave. He follows up, "She hates you" with, "Your daughter is better off without you. So let her be better off without you." He tells her he's doing the surgery. And he seems to have left his pill bottle to her. She reaches down slowly and eventually calls after him. "My daughter's care is my choice. And so is this. Treat her for alcoholism." She gives him the bottle back.

Foreman asks Chase and Taub why Anita would tell her husband about the affair but not stop. Yeah, why? Chase is playing with the kids and getting on Taub's nerves. Foreman mopes about hurting the husband. Moving on.

Foreman and Anita. Foreman wants her to tell her husband they broke up so they can go back to sneaking around. He doesn't know why, though. "This just feels wrong." She decides to leave.

Clinic. Confederate soldiers are vomiting into the trash can. House looks at the jacket of one and asks which one is the cheap bastard. The uniforms are polyester, not wool. This caused got antimony poisoning, causing the diarrhea and numb hands and vomiting. Sheldon claims that he was being authentic in that he only spent $21 on the uniform.

The mom brings Callie a banana muffin, which reminded her of a trip they once took to St. Petersburg, Florida. Callie wants to know if she was high on that trip. "Not when we were together. I used to wait until you went to bed." Callie doesn't seem delighted by that news, but tells her mother she can stay if she wants. Adams is happy. Callie eats the muffin. BEEP BEEP BEEP! She goes unconscious. Adams says she was wrong and that the berry aneurysm must have just burst.

Surgery. The various lobes and ventricles are clear. House says the aneurysm must have leaked instead of bursting. No, everything is clear. She doesn't have a berry aneurysm. BEEP BEEP BEEP! Blood pressure dropping! House calls Adams out.

Adams says that Callie got a little better on steroids. They went to Florida once. Cholera? Dengue fever? House mocks that, gets as far as "lays in wait for several years," then goes to talk to the mom. Did they go swimming in a lake or everglade? Yes! In a canal! House intones, "Family vacations kill." House has the mom go with him on the grounds that he doesn't want to explain it twice. Not sure I buy that. He loves explaining things.

House interrupts the surgery to announce (without a surgical mask) the latest diagnosis: ascariasis. Caused by a parasitic worm in feces. The steroids agitated the worms, which sent them to the esophagus. It will be fixed with Mebendazole will fix it.

Adams and the mother talk happily about Callie's recovery. But when they get to her room, they discover that Callie has split. There's a note.

Adams tells House that Callie didn't want to be there when her mother slipped again. "You got the ending you wanted." House tells Adams that he just wanted the case ended. He doesn't care if the people who work for him are screwed up.

Taub looks longingly at a football magazine while his two quiet, well-behaved daughters watch him. He decides to tell them about Aaron Rodgers. They seem to enjoy the story. Then he mocks Terrell Owens. Why do so many of these episodes end with strummy emotional music? Taub's emotional journey does not merit musical scoring.

House pokes at Foreman about his affair, so Foreman says she broke it off. "I'm not really an affair guy after all." House tells him he lost interest when it stopped being an affair. Foreman claims not to be like House. House admits that Foreman doesn't limp.

Follow Monty on Twitter at @montykins and read his blog, Mysterious Exhortations.

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