House TV Show - The Down Low - House Recaps, House Reviews, House Episodes | TWoP

By Sara M

We open on some shady dealings in a parking garage. Eddie and his assistant Mickey try to sell drugs to some guy named Marco, who wants them to cut him a deal. Eddie won't go for it, causing Marco's assistant, Tom, to pull out a gun and point it at Eddie's head, demanding that he show Marco "some respect." First of all, Eddie wasn't being disrespectful. He was being a good businessman. Second of all, I don't think this kind of stuff actually happens except in movies. Well, and TV shows. Mickey steps in front of the gun and tries to wrestle it away from Tom. It goes off and Mickey falls to the ground, looking dead. No one's happy about this development. But he wasn't shot, which Tom proves by showing off his foot and the hole he just blew into it. He and Marco take off, leaving Eddie begging Mickey to wake up.

LOL Jennifer Morrison is still in the credits. I hope she gets paid for that. I doubt it, though.

House is on stitch-up duty for some reason and tries to fix the gash in Mickey's head that he somehow got in the scuffle. He recommends that Mickey get a CT scan, but Mickey protests, probably because drug dealing doesn't come with health insurance. That also explains why they're at the Clinic, although not, so much, why House is on Clinic duty. Not that I'm complaining; I like it when the writers remember these things. I just wish it happened more often. House immediately figures out that his patient and his patient's friend are up to shenanigans and that Mickey has a much bigger problem than a scrape and an unexplained blackout. Mickey doesn't care and tries to walk out, only for House to prove it by banging his cane against the gurney, creating a sudden loud sound that takes Mickey out again.

GUYS!!!! OMG OMG OMG!!! CHASE GOT A HAIRCUT! Like, a real one this time. Somehow, it makes him look both 12 years old and like a professional doctor at the same time. House takes note of it by asking if Cameron got his hair in their divorce, which I'm guessing is now final. Cameron is free to marry yet another winner. Maybe this time she'll meet a guy who kills people while also dying from a terminal illness. Oh! She could be one of those women who try to start relationships with men on death row! Chase should have fired back that House lost all of his hair when he went to the mental hospital, but I think we're supposed to forget that that ever happened at this point, so he doesn't. House hands out copies of Mickey's file to the Cottages. Taub notes that it's blank except for a strained back three years ago. House says Mickey is reluctant to provide details since he's a drug dealer, as House figured out by a wealth of circumstantial evidence: Mickey and his boss had expensive jewelry on and pre-paid cell phones. Meanwhile, Foreman gets bored and goes for a walk around the meeting room, picking up and pocketing a piece of paper he finds on the floor before returning to his seat and diagnosing Mickey with acoustic neuroma. House has an alternate diagnosis: lidocaine toxicity from cutting coke with non-coke substances. Even though they don't know for sure that Mickey is a drug dealer or that, if so, he deals cocaine.

By Sara M

Hey, is that a new establishing shot of the Princeton area? And did Wilson also get himself a new haircut? Why yes, he did! And yet, they couldn't find the time to cut Jennifer Morrison out of the credits or put Peter Jacobson and Olivia Wilde into them even though they've been on the show for two seasons. How does that work? Anyway, Wilson is talking to his new neighbor at the Fuck You, Cuddy Condos about local hotspots. I sense his interest in a good coffeehouse has less to do with coffee than it does that she's an attractive woman. For her part, she makes sure to mention that she's single, because, hey -- he's a handsome doctor. Wouldn't you (until you found out he was thrice-divorced)? Oh, but things take a turn for the worse for Wilson when he asks the woman out, only for her to accept on the condition that he brings "that good-looking guy with the cane" along. Was this script written by Hugh Laurie? Oh wait, it gets worse! When Wilson asks if she means House, she says, "your boyfriend's name is House?" "He's not my boyfriend," Wilson sputters, as if this is the first time someone has thought that. I mean, come on now. The woman apologizes for her faux pas, then asks if they refer to themselves as husbands or partners. "We're not gay!" Wilson says. "Seriously?" the woman asks. You just met the guy and you're going to assume he isn't telling the truth? This woman is kind of a bitch. Move on, Wilson.

Taub sets Mickey up with a hearing test to see if he has that neuroma thing Foreman was talking about, then returns to the booth with Foreman, who shows him the paper he found on the ground earlier. It's a pay stub with Hadley's full name on it, revealing that her middle name is "Beauregard." What the hell? Is she a Southern man? Why are Hadley's parents so weird? Foreman thinks the pay stub is a fake planted by House to stir up jealousy among the other, lesser-paid Cottages. "There's no way she makes that much money," he scoffs. Oh really? "I make that much money," Taub says; "and apparently ... you don't."

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By Sara M

House sticks Eddie in an exam room he's turned into a makeshift interrogation room and demands a sample of his drugs thusly: "I NEED THE DRUGS!" It does not get the intended result. "Hmm. Works for Jack Bauer," House says, adding, "who you can see on the new season of 24 in a four-hour, two-day season premiere beginning Sunday, January 17th at 9 PM following the hot new series Human Target!" Eddie gives a little by saying he "wishes" he could tell House what he wants to know. It turns out he can if he claims that he works in textiles. So House has to play a fun little game where he asks if Eddie deals in "H ... for hosiery." "We deal more in culottes," Eddie says, amazingly knowing the proper spelling of the word. I always thought it was "kulats" until I typed that in and the spell check yelled at me so I looked it up. House asks if Mickey "cuts" the "fabric," but Eddie says no -- "no one touches the culottes."

At this point, Wilson walks right on to interrupt House's progress and to tell him the urgent news that the entire building they live in thinks they're a gay couple. Because that's something that needs to be talked about during work hours. Come on, Wilson. This is why all your patients die. House isn't too bothered about it, saying that's a natural conclusion for people to draw when two men over the age of 30 move in together. Especially when one of them is Wilson. House says they'll figure out that they're straight eventually, but that's not good enough for Wilson, who wants to date "the cute girl in 3B." Why not the cute girls in Apartment 3-G? Stay away from Margo, though -- she's a bitch! Meanwhile, the culotte dealer would like a glass of water. Without a second though, Wilson immediately gets it for him while saying that just telling 3B wasn't enough, as she still "side-stepped" his dinner invite. He says it must be because she thinks he's gay and not because she isn't interested in him. Then he answers House's question about what a culotte is. But he's not gay! Eddie says Mickey doesn't "wear" "culottes," so he trusts him implicitly to watch the product without dabbling in it himself. Then he wonders why it's taking so long for Mickey to come back from his test. "It's an ear test. I'm pretty sure he'll live," House says.

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By Sara M

Oh, except that this is PPTH, so we immediately cut to Mickey in the process of dying in the middle of his ear test. Which he passed! Silver lining!

After the break, we're back in the meeting room. Mickey is doing much better, thanks to some medicine for his skyrocketing blood pressure, which caused the near-death experience. Hadley says that since Mickey got worse at PPTH, that rules out House's coke-lacing diagnosis. Foreman says that means they can "stop the Bloodhound Gang routine and go back to being doctors." Um, since when did the Bloodhound Gang deal with drug dealers? Wasn't that more about kid-friendly issues? Since, you know, they were on a kid's show? Although there were some references to elder abuse in "The Case of the Cackling Ghost" if I recall correctly. House seems to agree, and the Cottages get to diagnosing. Except for Foreman, who is distracted by a nice new watch on Hadley's wrist. Uh oh! Is she a drug dealer too? She comes up with a diagnosis of Carotid Stenosis that is sure to be wrong and House orders her and Taub to test for it. That leaves Foreman and Chase behind to have an awkward conversation where Foreman asks Chase how much he makes.

Apparently the answer was more than Foreman, as he runs to Cuddy's office to demand a raise. Cuddy totally blows him off, rudely texting away on her phone as she says they can discuss this in August. Foreman says he's making less than the other Cottages and now that they know it, they'll never respect him. I don't think they respected him in the first place, though. Cuddy says she can't discuss her employees' salaries. Also, doesn't PPTH have an HR department for stuff like this? I think the Dean of Medicine should really be considered too important and busy to deal with petty shit like this. Then again, there are only six people who work at PPTH, so she might as well. "It's not fair," Foreman whines. Cuddy says salaries aren't about fairness, and since Foreman isn't hirable anywhere else, he should take what he can get.

Taub and Hadley return to House's office to say the test for Carotid Stenosis came back negative, of course. House is too busy listening to the bug he planted in Mickey's room, hoping Mickey will reveal where they can find his stash and thus what is making him sick. Yes, he's still stuck on the coke-lacing diagnosis no matter what the Cottages say, and only agreed with Hadley's diagnosis because it gave him an opportunity to plant a bug in Mickey's room while they took him off to test for it. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that Mickey doesn't have health insurance, so I'm sure he'll appreciate the extra thousands of dollars House's little ploy just tacked onto his bill. Which there's no way he'll be able to pay anyway, which is why Cuddy has to implement these cost-saving measures that ultimately screw Foreman over. Anyway, the bug quickly fires back some nasty loud feedback and House decides to give up on it and lie to Mickey that they'll test his blood for weeks until they find the toxin they're sure he's been poisoned with. Unless he tells them the truth now, in which case he'll save a lot of time and money.

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By Sara M

Mickey responds to this by demanding to be discharged. Well, that's one way to avoid weeks of tests. He drives away in his Land Rover and is followed by Hadley and Chase, who were apparently expecting this reaction. Hadley is enjoying the adventure, saying it's better than sitting in a lab all day. Chase begs to differ, then criticizes Hadley's following ability, saying she's too close to Mickey's car. She backs off, and then they reveal that they don't make more than Foreman after all -- this was all a big practical joke they planned to have fun at his expense. Yeah, that's a lot of fun. I'm sure Foreman thought it was just hilarious when his boss's boss told him he wasn't worth anything. Also, this isn't a surprise to me because my stupid DVR said in the episode info that this was going to happen. Thanks a lot, DVR. Hadley says they're doing it to take Foreman down a few pegs, although Chase wonders if this isn't her little mission to get back at her ex-boyfriend. At this point, she's forced to run a red light in order to stay with Mickey's car and is promptly pulled over. Chase snickers adorably. "Shut up," Hadley says. And really, it's not funny that drug dealers are free to drive the streets of Princeton and ply their illicit wares because the police are too busy pulling doctors over for minor traffic infractions.

3B goes to her mailbox, only to have to talk to House, who appears from around the corner where he was no doubt lying in wait for her. He warmly introduces himself, using his first name. Then he gets crass and says Wilson told him that she thinks they "like to polish each other's swords. And by swords, I mean 'pistols.'" 3B feels awkward, but House tells her it's an understandable mistake. And it is a mistake. "We're both straight!" he says. And then he unwraps a large package left for him that turns out to be a huge framed poster for "A Chorus Line." "Oh my god, that is beautiful!" he says in a very homosexual manner; "we finally have the room to display it the way it deserves." What, there were no giant Judy Garland posters available? That's such an expensive fuck you to Wilson, who takes the fuck you present crown with his condo purchase to get back at Cuddy on behalf of his best friend who then thanks him by ruining his chances to date the hot neighbor. I guess when you're a doctor, you can afford to be this petty. House asks 3B if she can help him carry it to the apartment. She happily accepts because 3B either has a lot of free time or she just loves her some gay men. House makes sure to compliment her Louis Vuitton shoes, just in case the giant "I AM A GAY MAN" poster didn't get the message across.

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By Sara M

Back at PPTH, Taub asks Foreman how things went with Cuddy. Foreman says she shot him down, and he has no choice but to hope for a raise in August. "That's what I would do. But I'm a coward," Taub says. They're within three feet of the exit when their pagers go off. Eddie brought Mickey to the PPTH ER with a fever of 105. Meanwhile, where are Chase and Hadley? Did they just give up and go home after the ticket or did they get sent to jail?

Back from the break, Taub says they got Mickey's fever down with the help of "soft steroids," whatever those are. Chase says this only proves that House was right and Mickey's problem is environmental after all, since he got worse when he went home. Hadley exposits that her car was impounded by the police. The hell? For going through a red light? Did she have major unpaid parking tickets or something? That sucks! It's also, as House says, "amusing." I hope she got her car back, or else she'll have to take the bus. A cab is right out, since all area cab drivers hate her. House takes note of Foreman's absence and guesses it must have something to do with the paycheck practical joke he already figured out the Cottages are playing on him. He congratulates them on a job well done, then gets back to the patient. He says he's abandoning his environmental theory since Mickey wasn't at home for long enough to get sicker from something there, and the fever suggests an infection. And that means it's lumbar puncture time!

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By Sara M

As Mickey steels himself for the lumbar puncture, he gives his doctors some helpful advice, saying time they want to follow someone they should take two cars. Instead of saying thanks, Chase lectures Mickey on the fact that he sells harmful drugs to people and that's wrong. Chase, who murdered a patient, has a problem with drug dealers? Okay. Mickey points out that liquor store owners sell alcohol that has the same potential to send people to the ER, but he doubts they'd lecture one if he ended up as one of their patients. Oh, I don't know about that, Mickey. These doctors are really good at finding faults in their patients and lecturing them about them. So yes, they probably would tell off a liquor store owner. At this point, Taub inserts the needle into Mickey's back and hits bone, which sucks for Mickey. Taub's second try is successful, although Chase notices that Mickey's heart rate has stayed normal during what should be a stressful process.

Wilson stops by House's office to say that 3B told him she and House had an "Evita listening party" last night. Ha ha ha! House takes a second to enjoy the fruits of his labors. He says he told 3B that they weren't gay like Wilson asked him to, but for some reason she didn't believe him. "You're doing this to mess with me," Wilson says. Yeah, no shit, Wilson. What did you think he would do? Did you forget who you live with? Honestly, I blame Wilson for this. He just handed House an opportunity on a silver platter. House says messing with Wilson was his primary reason, but now he's moved onto doing it to try to sleep with 3B. That makes no sense. Straight women don't want to sleep with gay men. Am I right, girls? I mean, that can't possibly be fun. Sure, he probably smells nicer and is fitter than a straight guy, but he's also fantasizing that you're a man the entire time. That can't be good for your self-esteem. But House thinks that if he keeps confiding in 3B about his fake relationship woes (which he's blamed entirely on Wilson, which is so unfair even if it is fictional) then they'll bond and one night, get drunk and sleep together. And the morning, he'll realize that he was straight all along. Yeah, because that happens. Tons of guys think they're gay until they actually experience a woman. We women are just that awesome. Wilson says House certainly has put a lot of work into sleeping with the woman Wilson expressed interest in. House shrugs and says he's interested in her, too. "I saw her first," Wilson says. "Seriously? You're invoking the guy code?" House asks, saying that Wilson is only doing this because he doesn't think he can win 3B any other way. Well, no, now that she thinks he's both gay and bad at communicating. Chase walks in to say there was no sign of infection in the lumbar puncture, but the fact that Mickey's heart rate didn't go up when they stuck a needle into his spine suggests some kind of nerve disorder. House has another idea.

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By Sara M

House and Chase enter Mickey's room. "You're a wuss," House says. Chase backs away a bit, just in case. But Mickey is too sick to attack House, only threaten him. "Say that when I'm better," he growls. House says he's not too worried about Mickey beating him up in sickness or in health since he's figured out that Mickey has such a hard time dealing with stress that he has to take beta blockers. Thus, his heart rate doesn't go up when he's in stressful situations, such as beating people up or getting his spine tapped into. Mickey sighs, "sometimes I have to do bad things and not always to bad people." And in the last few months, he's had a hard time with it. He begs them not to tell Eddie because then "the guys" will think he's gone soft. I think the fact that he can't hear a loud noise without collapsing does that already. He says he took his last beta blocker the night before his original PPTH admission. House says that means they can eliminate Mickey's hypertension episode because it was simply a result of beta blocker withdrawal. Wow, you miss one dose of those things and you almost die? That sucks. I'd rather have the stress. Chase says that might also add a new symptom of extra stress, since Mickey's been a dealer for a long time but only started having problems with it in the last few months. Maybe his adrenal glands are producing extra adrenaline. House orders an MRI on Mickey's adrenal glands. Uh oh. But maybe this time the MRI (of DOOOM!!) will go easy on Mickey because he's a bad guy and the MRI is evil. Maybe they'll even become friends. House says Mickey will be back to his old drug dealer self soon and then checks with Chase to make sure he won't try to kill his patient for moral reasons. Again. Chase sort of laughs this off, so either he's been taking stress-reducing beta blockers himself or he just figures he paid his dues to society by losing his wife.

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By Sara M

Wilson comes home to see the TV on what appears to be the Style channel. He's initially happy to see that the cable has been turned on, but then notices what House is watching ... and who he's watching it with. Yes, it's 3B, enjoying a backrub from her harmless new gay best friend. And they have Chinese food! And candles. And wine. House has a great time grinning triumphantly at Wilson, who appears to be wondering to himself why he didn't see this one coming. Then he decides to accept 3B's invitation to hang out with them, much to House's dismay. Is it just me, or is this turning into Three's Company?

Mickey gets his MRI (of DOOOM!!) while Taub and Foreman chat in the booth. Foreman says he spoke with Cuddy again, this time bluffing that he had a job offer in the hopes that she would give him a raise now that he had some leverage. It didn't work, so now Foreman will be leaving PPTH as soon as Mickey's case is over. "OH SHIT!" Taub's face says. And yes, this is definitely an episode of Three's Company.

Wilson invites 3B over to the apartment to give her a dose of the truth: "House is lying to you." 3B thinks he's talking about how House and Wilson keep saying they're straight and just friends when they are obviously a gay couple. "It's 2010. Nobody cares if you're gay anymore," she says, somewhat inaccurately. Wilson attempts to prove his heterosexuality by telling her to look around the apartment and notice how straight male it is. They have no furniture, for instance. Why not? What happened to all the furniture in CTB's apartment? Also, "there are no window treatments." 3B thinks the fact that Wilson called them "window treatments" shows that he's kinda gay. Yeah. I'm a straight woman and even I don't call them that. What's wrong with "curtains?" Also, 3B noticed a Carpenters album. Oh, come now. Straight men can't like the Carpenters? What kind of world do we live in? Wilson says that House is just pretending to be gay to win her trust and sleep with her. As he says this, I think he realizes how insane he sounds. 3B accuses Wilson of being jealous that his boyfriend has a new friend and isn't spending enough time with him. 3B is a moron.

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By Sara M

The rest of Mickey's MRI somehow went without incident, but didn't reveal the adrenal gland tumor they were expecting. As House and the Cottages pour into the meeting room, Hadley is behind House's desk trying to work his bugging receiver. As the lone woman in the group, it was up to her to actually read the directions the receiver came with and assemble it properly. It wasn't working before because House screwed the antenna into the wrong socket. She corrected the problem and is ready to listen in on some fun conversations. Her smug smile lasts for half a second before screechy feedback fills her ears just like it did House's. She blames it on the receiver not being able to find an open frequency, but her excuses trigger something in House, who wonders why there isn't an open frequency. Maybe something else is blocking it.

House and Hadley, PPTH's new technical expert, enter Mickey's room and get rid of Eddie by claiming they're about to give Mickey a rectal exam. "I'll check out the cafeteria," Eddie says, because rectal exams apparently give him an appetite. As soon as he leaves, Hadley shuts the door and closes the blinds -- er -- "window treatments." House asks Mickey why he took beta blockers instead of something more suitable for stress, like Xanax. He says some people take beta blockers to deal with stage fright as he removes his bug from the bottom of Mickey's mattress, then finds Mickey's. "You bugged your own room? Are you ... an informant?" Hadley asks. She totally watches too many cop shows. House doesn't think so. Informants are weasels, but Mickey wouldn't give up the location of the drug stash for the sake of his own health. He thinks Mickey is actually a cop.

After the break, the Cottages watch Mickey from the hallway. Foreman says he doesn't see how Mickey's copness is relevant. Taub and Chase, meanwhile, should look ashamed of themselves for their judgments. House says that any information they know about their patient is helpful, plus now they can use it against him. He sends Hadley and Chase into Mickey's room to do exactly that. Hadley uses her cop show lingo to threaten to tell on Mickey to his handler. Mickey isn't fazed, saying they don't know his real name or what branch of law enforcement he works for. Chase doesn't seem to think that putting lowlife dealers away is worth Mickey's life. Mickey says Eddie murdered a snitch three weeks ago on his boss's orders. His boss, by the way, is one of the biggest coke importers in all of New Jersey and has a meeting with "the Big Fish" tomorrow night that the cops will bust -- unless those meddling doctors interfere. Hadley still doesn't think it's worth Mickey's life, but he says that he's already given 16 months of it to this undercover mission, in which time he hasn't been able to see his wife or even his dog. "I've put far too much into this and I will not let it fail," he says; "just keep me alive for another 24 hours and I will tell you everything that you need to know." That sounds easy enough, right? Well, no. Because when Eddie re-enters the room, Mickey suddenly clutches his abdomen and screams in pain.

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By Sara M

In the meeting room, Chase explains that Mickey had an infarction in his gastro-intestinal tract caused by a clot in an artery. They removed a foot of his bowel, but he could get another clot at any moment, and this time it could be fatal. "And the moron still won't talk," House says. Taub points out that House thought Mickey was really cool until he found out he was a cop and not a drug dealer. Yes, well, House has had much better experiences with drug dealers than he has cops, hasn't he? Maybe if the cops could find out who shot him four seasons ago he'd feel differently. Also, Tritter. Chase says their patient is a hero, risking his life to put dealers in jail. House shrugs that they'll only be replaced by other dealers. Yes, but I'm sure the family of the guy Eddie killed will be grateful to see him punished, don't you think? Foreman gets back to the actual case, listing the symptoms: vertigo, fever, and now thrombosis. He says they've ruled out cancer, an infection, and autoimmune diseases since Mickey showed no improvement after they gave him those steroids for his fever. All they have left is House's environmental theory, but without any samples of Mickey's environment, there are too many choices and not enough time to test for them all. Hadley says if they can't get the information they need from Mickey because he's all noble and stuff, maybe they can get it from one of his more self-serving friends.

And so, she hands Eddie a cup of coffee while he's waiting for Mickey to recover from his surgery. Eddie, meanwhile, is reading up on the latest parenting tips from Generic Parenting Magazine, as he has a six-and-a-half year-old. Right, well, I'm pretty sure that Generic Parenting Magazine does not recommend that parents be murdering drug dealers. That's sort of Step 1 to raising a happy, healthy child. Hadley decides not to comment on this, saying that Mickey seems to be getting worse and they don't think they can help him without knowing where he lives and thus where the coke stash is. Eddie doesn't want to put himself in harm's way, but Hadley points out that if it is environmental, it'll only be a matter of time before what affected Mickey starts making others sick, too. And, in fact, that matter of time is like one second, as Eddie suddenly starts feeling strange. "Are you okay?" Hadley asks with fake concern. She suggests that this could be the same thing that's affecting Mickey, but Eddie is not buying it. "Did you drug me?" he asks. "What?" Hadley asks, so guilty. Eddie figures that Hadley is hoping to trick him into feeling sick so he'll show her the coke stash location. Unfortunately for her plan, feeling drugged and feeling sick are different, and Eddie is kind of an expert on that. Busted, Hadley rolls her eyes and says Eddie will be fine in an hour. She thinks her little ploy has failed, but actually it's proven to Eddie how serious Mickey's condition must be if the doctors are willing to drug him. Um, or it proves how unprofessional PPTH is. Out of concern for Mickey, Eddie agrees to show Hadley the coke stash. Of course, it'll take an hour before he can do so, thanks to Hadley's drugs, but it's not like time is of the essence or anything.

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By Sara M

House has entered Phase 2 of Operation: Fauxmosexual and is having dinner out with 3B to whine about Wilson, who is says is very jealous and doesn't seem to be able to express his feelings in "a normal way." Which is especially rich coming from House, who doesn't show anyone any of his feelings in a normal way. Especially not caring. He accelerates to Phase 3 and hints to 3B that he needs a place to stay tonight because he doesn't want to go home to Wilson. Naturally, she invites him to stay with her. "Really?" House asks. Oh, and what is he wearing? He has a dress shirt and jacket on, but the collar of the shirt is out over his jacket. Is that how he thinks gay men dress? Because I think he has them confused with lesbians. House is about to seal the deal with 3B for a "fun sleepover party" when Wilson appears, looking emotional and apologetic. House senses that this could be very bad for him, and says "nothing you can say is going to change anything," through gritted teeth. Wilson decides to test that by pretending to summon up all his courage before announcing to the entire dining room that he loves House. The diners all turn around, some of them gasping. Why? If I was eating dinner at a nice restaurant and some guy started making announcements, I wouldn't gasp. I might throw a dinner roll at him because I'm trying to enjoy my meal and that's difficult with other people's emotions getting in the way, but that's it. With that, Wilson gets down on bended knee while House makes a series of awesome facial expressions. He's annoyed that Wilson is ruining his plan while at the same time has to admire the lengths Wilson will go to. Wilson even brought props to this, and pulls out a ring as he proposes to House. I hope that was cubic zirconia. Or wait -- do men get diamond engagement rings? What is the etiquette? And does this make House the "woman" in their relationship? Ha ha ha! "Wow. This is unexpected," House says. 3B, meanwhile, is thrilled to be part of such a special moment in the lives of the two men who live in her apartment building that she just met like two days ago. Over at the corner table, some old bag urges House to "say yes!" Mind your own business, lady. Also, way to get the crappy table in the corner. 3B decides to leave so House and Wilson can talk things over and runs out, probably sticking House with the check. And no sex, either. And he's the woman in his fake relationship with Wilson. It's been a bad night for House. As soon as she's gone, Wilson snaps the ring box closed and takes her seat and her glass of wine. Good for them, but now everyone else who witnessed this is going to be wondering what the hell just happened for the rest of the meal. Way to ruin everyone's night out, guys.

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By Sara M

Chase stops by the lab, where Hadley and Taub are testing the dry cleaner samples. The three discuss their guilt over Foreman quitting and try to figure out what to do . "We have to tell him," Taub says. "We can't tell him," Hadley immediately replies. I thought Taub was the coward, and yet, Hadley's the one who doesn't want to get in trouble. Also, I think she's looking forward to working at PPTH without her ex-boyfriend. Chase says there's a third way: they can tell Cuddy and beg her not to let Foreman quit. Taub points out that begging didn't work so well when Foreman did it, and then Foreman walks in and says the albuterol they gave Mickey, believing his illness was caused by dry cleaner chemicals, isn't helping and he is now coughing blood. Hadley knows why the albuterol was ineffective: her tests on the dry cleaning materials just came back and it turns out that the drug den dry cleaners is environmentally friendly, which means no harmful chemicals and thus no environmental cause for Mickey's illness. But way to go, drug dealers! The Earth truly is our most precious resource.

The morning, House makes it into work, where the Cottages update him on Mickey's condition: the lung bleeding was caused by a pulmonary aneurysm, which Chase treated only for three more to appear. Foreman takes a look at the scans and says the aneurysms look like the kind caused by a fungal infection, which is consistent with Mickey's other symptoms. Hadley whines that she didn't see any fungus at the dry cleaners, but it was pretty dark there what with the mood lighting and all. She also points out that the steroids they gave Mickey earlier would have suppressed his immune system and made things much worse for Mickey than they already are. House says she has a good point there, but Foreman ignores it and says he wants to start Mickey on anti-fungal medicine before he dies. House agrees.

Foreman sets Mickey up with the IV and leaves so Mickey and Eddie can talk. Well, Mickey won't be doing much talking, what with the lungs full of blood and all. A lot of watery coughing, though. Eddie gives him a pan to spit the blood into and kindly wipes his mouth. All he gets for his trouble, though, is a lecture from Mickey about how Eddie is an "imbecile" for bringing Hadley to the drug den. Yes, because drug dealers often use words like "imbecile." Probably when they're in the middle of ordering supplies for the green dry cleaners they use to store their drugs. Eddie says it was the only way he could do something for his friend, just so Mickey can feel extra-guilty about everything. With that, Eddie says he has to go meet "the Big Man," but will stay with Mickey if he wants and send some other guy instead. Mickey doesn't hesitate to urge Eddie to go so their hard work will pay off. If he isn't going to let his own life stop him from seeing the undercover job through, then he sure as hell isn't going to let Eddie's.

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By Sara M

And speaking of people who feel guilty about screwing other people over, no matter how much those other people deserved it, the Cottages sans Foreman are in Cuddy's office, admitting that they lied about their paychecks to make Foreman feel inadequate, thus causing him to quit PPTH. Cuddy remarks that House appears to be rubbing off on his young protégés in more ways than one. Chase asks her to give Foreman just a little raise so he'll stay at PPTH, but Cuddy quite rightly points out that she won't give one employee a raise just because three other employees played a trick on him. Hadley says they figured she'd say that, so they decided to offer part of their own salaries to cover Foreman's raise, although Taub obviously isn't thrilled with how this has turned out for him. "Foreman is a good team leader. He deserves it," Chase says. I guess he's right. After all, Chase killed a patient on purpose while Foreman only did it by accident. Cuddy accepts their offer before informing them that Foreman never came to her about quitting PPTH. And she had nothing better to do today than play along, apparently. Although she was obviously pressed for time leaving for the hospital in the morning, seeing as she seems to have forgotten to wear a shirt underneath her cleavage-baring cardigan.

The Cottages emerge from Cuddy's office to find Foreman waiting for them, very pleased with himself. Yes, he's seen enough episodes of I Love Lucy and Three's Company and worked for House long enough to have played the players. And he got a raise out of the deal, too. Meanwhile, I don't think anyone has checked in on Mickey in hours.

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By Sara M

3B stops by her new gay best friend's office and asks if he's free for coffee. He says it's a bad time, but she points out that he's the one who invited her out, and this is the only time she can make it. I don't know why, seeing as how she clearly has no life whatsoever. House invites her into his office and decides to give up on his dream of having sex with her, either because he realizes that Wilson will go to any length to make sure that doesn't happen or because he's just not interested in 3B anymore because she's annoying and kind of clingy, showing up at the workplace of the guy she just met. He says he isn't gay after all, and only told 3B he was to screw with Wilson, who liked her. And then he kept things going because "I want to touch your boobs." Ah, yes, that's very heterosexual of him. He says the fact that he listened to Evita, which he apparently knows well enough to hate, not once but twice shows just how heterosexual he really is. 3B gets ready to storm off angrily, but House calls her back to endorse Wilson, saying he's a "good guy" and he likes her. But he's only saying that so 3B will think that despite his many faults, House is a good friend and then sleep with him, which makes her angry enough to say she just might date Wilson after all to get revenge on House. I think she should just move. It's obvious that her new neighbors are sociopaths. House lists off all the reasons why Wilson wouldn't be a good boyfriend: three divorces and he sleeps with terminal cancer patients. "Sure, he looks like a boy scout -- " House says, cutting himself off because he's having his epiphany moment. He leaves 3B in his office wondering what the hell just happened.

House enters Mickey's room, where Chase and Hadley are tending to him as he coughs up more blood. House says they were wrong about the fungal infection. The aneurysms only looked like a relatively harmless fungal infection. The reality is that the hypertension was a real symptom after all, and the diagnosis is an autoimmune disorder called Hughes-Stovin. Mickey asks what the treatment is, but he already knows the answer based on Hadley and Chase's faces and their refusal to look him in the eye. Chase says the disease is too advanced to do anything. Mickey will keep getting aneurysms until one of them ruptures and he dies. "Are you sure?" he asks. "If you die in the day or so, I will be," House says, because now is definitely the time for jokes. Hadley makes sure to tell Mickey that his refusal to share information with them didn't make a difference. "You did the right thing," she says. Uh huh. Meanwhile, his doctors ran around playing practical jokes about paychecks and sexualities instead of concentrating on their patient. I'm sure if they'd caught this earlier before the aneurysms formed, they could have done something for Mickey. Actually -- hold up a second. Don't they give steroids to people with autoimmune disorders? And didn't they give Mickey steroids? To the extent that Foreman ruled autoimmune disorders out because Mickey didn't improve after taking steroids? Why didn't those help him? Mickey decides to call his wife. She hasn't seen him in sixteen months, and now she gets about sixteen hours with him. But there is good news for her: after Mickey dies, House will swoop in and try to sleep with her while pretending to be gay.

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By Sara M

Tragic music montage time! As Mickey lies in bed with his very sad wife, Eddie's drug deal goes down. Mickey's aneurysm bursts as the cops rush in and arrest everyone.

So Mickey's dead and Eddie is going to jail forever. But let's not be too sad, because Wilson and House have made up and are watching manly sports on TV. Wilson exposits that he saw 3B in the elevator and while she no longer thinks they're gay, she does think they're awful people she would never sleep with. House is just glad that it means they can get rid of the "A Chorus Line" poster. Wilson shrugs that he likes it more than the ugly orange sofa House bought, which is more like two recliners attached to each other at the armrest than a sofa, really. Also, it has a little table in the middle for snacks and beer or a remote control. I think it's pretty cool. I'd get it in a different color, though. Wilson decides the only way to get rid of the sofa is to threaten to sing showtunes until House agrees to throw it out. And he has the support of the soundtrack, which plays along with him just to make sure we don't end things on a downer note.

You can read more from Sara Morrison at L.A.me, follow her on Twitter, or you can email her at saramorrison@gmail.com.

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