Will is blind, but that's not tonight's medical mystery. Everyone already knows about it, for one thing. It wouldn't take very long for the team to figure it out. They'd pretty quickly run through all the obvious alternatives: "Are the lights out? Are his eyes closed? Is he just facing in the wrong direction?" He's also got an ex-girlfriend who loves him and a current girlfriend who sells him LSD-laced ice cream and kind of gets forgotten about in the second half of the episode. In the end, his problem is that he breathed in some deadly spores at some point. They can cure him, but it will involve destroying his hearing. And that's the happy ending!
Meanwhile, House's mother Blythe has stopped by to check on him. And she brought Billy Connolly, who may or may not be House's biological father! After some shenanigans, all is revealed and it turns out that Blythe knows all about House going to jail. She claims she's been reading the Princeton police blotter ever since House moved there. That's a pretty good idea! Oh, and Billy Connolly isn't really House's biological father.
Having said all that, this episode will actually be remembered, if at all, for Park's acid trip in which she sees everyone as rabbits who are trying to kiss her.
A young man buys a fancy ring in a jewelry store, then gets a little snotty at Sam and Stacy for ripping him off. He walks out with a cane that reveals he's blind. Sam says, "Such a shame he's a handicap." We follow him out to the street corner, where incredibly loud beeping makes him disoriented. He's holding his head and wandering into traffic! Cars! Trucks! Wacky camera! Siren! Opening credits!
House tells his team that he's a blind diabetic. But he's not! And his tox screens are clean, which no one ever checks before diagnosing. House is teleconferencing from somewhere. Park suggests noise-induced epilepsy to counter Chase's suggestion of auditory hallucinations.
Wilson brings a pleasant old woman into the office. Taub claims that House is at an out-of-state medical conference in Baltimore. The woman introduces herself as Blythe, House's mother.
Chase and Park enter the patient's room, where his girlfriend Melissa is tending to him. He says he's never had a seizure. Park introduces herself as being short and Asian. Her offer to let him feel her face seems weird to everyone. Melissa says that they were on a break. This leads to a comment about Friends. Will (his name is Will) insists that he doesn't have epilepsy. He'd know! Chase says there will be tests.
Blythe interrogates Wilson about how House is doing. Is he happy? He notices her medical bracelet, which she dismisses as being related to some mole removal. She refers to House as "Greg," which is creepy. Wilson notices that she has a book about dealing with terminal illness. She would like House to call her, since she's in town for three days. Then she refills her drink and (kind of ostentatiously) leaves her bag behind so Wilson can see that the book is specifically about terminal cancer.
Adams and Taub are running hearing tests on Will. Taub has opinions on how people break up. At 300 hertz, Will appears to have a seizure. But his EEG is clear! They determine that he's choking. He coughs up blood. And a tooth! I think.
Yes, it's three teeth that lodged in his throat. The team throws around ideas. Park suggests poison. House insists on periodontitis, which doesn't cover everything. House throws in broad-spectrum antibiotics.
House and his fake wife are playing video games in the kids' room. He's paying them for adorable children's' drawings of Africa trips. She does a terrible job of pretending to play Xbox as House leaves.
Wilson tells House he needs to talk to his mother because she's sick. House throws away the drawings. Wilson tells him she's staying at the Grand for the three days.
Taub tells Will he needs to practice better oral hygiene. Melissa is snotty about how Will doesn't even undress for bed. He admits that he doesn't floss and encourages Melissa to go grab some food. As soon as she's gone, he asks Taub and Park to get his laptop for him. He's got a secret ring he wants them to hide for him. Park assures him that it's beautiful.
Taub stashes the ring in Will's closet and starts snooping around. Park steals some ice cream. Taub wants to talk about Park's experiences with bad relationships going on a break. Park had a boyfriend who convinced her to go on a break, then slept with three of her friends. Then she's grossed out that the ice cream is sugar free.
House paces. Then he knocks on Blythe's door with his cane. She's in a robe. He wants her medical records and primary physician. He is distracted by Mr. Bell (Billy Connolly! House thinks he's his biological father! That happened in a season and I remember it only vaguely!), who is in the bed. She admits that she used the book to fool Wilson. Her real news is that she's marrying Billy Connolly!
BEEP BEEP BEEP! Will is spasming all over the place. Well, mostly in the bed.
Adams wants to add epilepsy to the list. Chase wants it off because it doesn't explain the teeth. Taub suggests that the periodontis could be coincidental, which Chase mocks. Sure, he could be blind, diabetic and have a super-rare disease. But blind, diabetic, have a super-rare disease and bad teeth? Ridiculous! Park says it's acid. She knows this because she's "tripping balls right now." She's acting the same. House checks her pupils. She sees Chase as a rabbit. And Adams is a sexy, sexy rabbit. There's a fisheye lens going on. Taub is a tooth fairy. House is still just House. Park finally laughs a little. House sends Taub to get the stuff she ate, and Chase and Adams to find out where he bought the stuff.
Will says that he's been blind since birth and wanted to see if LSD would give him visual hallucinations. I love that plan! Anyway, his girlfriend got it for him. Not Melissa. Someone else. The ring is for the interim girlfriend.
Will gives them her cell number, but he doesn't want her to know he's in the hospital.
Park is sort of covered with a jacket in House's internal office. Wilson walks in to talk to House. House updates him on all this and also reminds us that he thinks Bell is his biological father. You guys know that a "Dr. Bell" was the source for Sherlock Holmes, right? Just thought I'd mention it. Wilson tells House he avoids his mother because her opinion matters. They argue. Park interrupts with an observation about penises.
Adams and Chase run more tests. She's outraged that Will wants to keep Melissa around until he's out of the hospital. Chase says that the break was Melissa's idea. Anyway, there's something on the brain scan.
House comes in to look at the dark spot. Chase says it might be related to the blindness. House announces that it's a clot. Park is back in his office being soothed by Wilson. Adams reluctantly proposes Lupus. House counters with Behçet's. Taub realizes that all the normal symptoms involve eyesight problems.
Wilson fends off a tripping Park with a chair. Blythe and Bell (Thomas Bell) enter and he talks her down, assuring her that her teeth have been returned by the rabbit who stole them. Blythe gets her something to drink. I'll just assume it's orange juice. House comes in and Wilson leaves.
Will: "Give it to me straight, doc. Am I ever gonna see again?" Very funny. Adams is here to bandage up his eyes, which he thinks is a waste of time. He can tell from Adams's breathing that she's mad. He assures her he'll tell Melissa later. He bought the ring for Melissa, but then she wanted to go on a break. So that changed things. He's mad that she told him to date someone else before she'd marry him. It's like Dana's Dating Plan in here. About the new girl, he says that it's the first time he has someone who needs him instead of the other way around.
Blythe tucks in a sleepy Park. House wants to know how she knows about bad trips. In the room, Bell and Wilson are looking at a photo album. Bell offers House a handshake. House no-sells it, so Bell gives him a hug instead, claiming that they're "practically family now." Wilson says he invited them out for dinner.
Melissa offers Will a drink through a straw, and then tells him that on the break, she didn't see anyone else because she just loves him so much. Then he starts coughing up a lot of blood.
Melissa asks Taub if he'll be okay. Taub doesn't know yet! Will insists on telling Melissa something very important. The team gathers outside the room and Park describes some of her hallucinations: everyone tried to kiss her! There are various suggestions, and then Melissa walks past them near tears. Taub says she's young and hot, so she'll be fine. Park says she put on 82 pounds in that situation. "People called me Park. Ing. Lot."
House has brought Dominika to meet his mother and the man she's sleeping with. Wilson is uncomfortable.
Adams pontificates on how she sees people with disabilities all the time. Well, sure. She works at a hospital. That's going to happen. Chase thinks she's writing a Facebook post. The scene is interrupted by the MRI machine not malfunctioning at all. It just shows that the clot is there in his lung.
House cheerfully admits the green card plan. Bell approves. And Blythe already knows he was in jail, because she's been reading the Princeton Police Blotter ever since House moved here. And she has something to tell him, too: She and Bell got married two months after House's father died. He digs for any other secrets. They don't have anything. So he reveals the results of his DNA test. And then his birthmark! Bell is outraged that he's a pill-popping lunatic. Also that Blythe lied about him being a preemie. Blythe demands an apology. Bell leaves for some fresh air.
BEEP BEEP BEEP! Will screams for help. His eyes feel like they're on fire!
Chase and Adams brief House on the dangers of gangrene. The what? They look at the lung-clot picture and House announces that he breathed in a fungal spore. House has a new thing he wants to do to Will, but Adams is concerned that it will leave him deaf, thanks to a medication. House says it'll cure him.
Adams has been dispatched to give Will the news. She tells him there's a small chance he'll still have some hearing. Will refuses treatment.
Bell is in House's office. He apologizes for his lack of aplomb. House has him run through the other things that Blythe told him to say. House says he respected his father, although he didn't like him. Bell asks if he respects his mother. He assumes the answer is yes, calls him "Son," and says he'll see House at dinner.
Will in bed. Melissa is there. Will accurately guesses that Adams, who thinks he's an ass, has brought Melissa to convince him to live. She knows it won't work. She says she's made enough decisions for him. "Why'd you come back?" "Because I love you. And I wanna be with you for as long as I can." They are both scared. She promises she'd still love him if he was deaf.
Morning at PPCC. Will is responding well. His hearing is gone, but they don't know if it's permanent. His eyes are still bandaged. Melissa takes his hand and squeezes it once to indicate that it's her. He asks her to marry him. She takes her hands away completely. Then she says "Yes." He hears her, although he makes sure to verify that with her.
House barges into Wilson's office. He claims to have seen Wilson steal Bell's fork to check his DNA. Wilson fails to deny it. And he hasn't told House yet, which can only mean..."He isn't your father either." House looks at the chart. "You know what that means?" "Your mom's a slut?" Nice! Actually, it's that she's not as boring as House thought she was.