Once again, the show starts with Mike Richards banging that goddamn gong. Kong! Kong! Summon the Polynesian god of stupid premises! What is the will of Plot 'a Lame-ah? The classmates gather in the yard to hear the decree. "You guys have been having a lot of fun on the Hall Passes, right?" says Mike Richards. "Some of you been having more fun than others?" he chuckles. Really, he chuckles. The classmates chuckle back: "What, just because some people have gotten multiple opportunities to leave the house while the rest of us have had to spend the past eleven days confined to a house with no music or television, under constant camera surveillance, in a relentless drunken haze? Ha, ha!" Mike Richards winks at everyone and tells them that now he has SUPER-SPECIAL Hall Passes for them -- twenty-four-hour overnight ones to "exotic locations." At this point, the West Maui Kwik Mart #7 is considered an exotic location by some of the people who have been stuck in the house this whole time. When you look at Tim's eyes, you can tell he's thinking of beef jerky. "I could buy one of those little pocket packs of Kleenex…" Amy thinks. "Or maybe they'll have one of those five-cent copy machines…and I could copy, uh, my hand…or something." Just imagine. The classmates have to sign up for the Hall Passes as couples and put their names in the Secret Message box.
It's gotten so we're starting to all the fancy little production details, like the weird rocket sound-effect that goes with all the scene dissolves. Ssshhheeeeeeeewwwwww! It's like we're being teleported. Except we're always just winding up at the house. Oh, well. Everyone's all abuzz over the Twenty-Four-Hour Hall Passes. Twenty-four-hours! Will Kiefer be there? It's all very exciting. Maurice says it's "a fantasy date." JockDan says "it sounds really cool." Who will ask who? They've saved up all the clips of the classmates giving each other shoulder or back rubs, just to make the possibilities seem endless. Dan Barbato is massaging Sarah! Jeff casually caresses Patricia! Barbato rubs Natasha's shoulders! Why, it's a veritable grope fest, this house. Really, though, I bet everyone's just stiff from those sucky twin beds. In an interview, Chris says they've all officially dubbed the Twenty-Four-Hour Hall Pass "the Sex Pass." Chris is shown standing in the kitchen declaring, "I will put out at any time. I'm extremely easy!" Doesn't anyone want a piece of Chris ass? It's served with crackers, you know.
Summer's swimming around in the pool when she calls out, "Hey, Jeff -- wanna go out on the twenty-four-hour thing? We could get to know each other!" Jeff's on the patio, grilling bratwurst. "I think I'd rather just stay here and get drunk," he says. Summer says dryly in an interview, "That was really funny to hear him say that." From the pool she yells back: "I think you're gay, man -- you've gotta be gay!" In the interview, she explains that calling him gay was a joke to shield her ego. Back on the patio, Jeff turns back to the grill and tends to the brats. "I have a tremendously low self-esteem," says Jeff in a voice-over, as one by one he collects Scorched Weenies of Pride and lays them out on a platter. Go on, laugh at them. Laugh! "And I wasn't convinced that she would really actually want to go out with me," he says. He says he thought that if he accepted, she would say she was kidding and say she'd rather go out with a real man. Back in the pool, Summer is still trying to convince Jeff. "I'd wear this," she says, pointing to her Body Glove scuba shirt. Jeff turns back to his weenie-tending.
Over in their suite, Maya and Natasha and Patricia are hanging out in their walk-in closet, because they've figured out that trying on clothes with other people is another way to get compliments. Maya is apparently talking about the Super-Special Hall Pass: "At this point, I wouldn't know what to do…" "What do you mean? Like in bed?" snickers Natasha. Ha, ha! Because it's a Sex Pass! Whatever. "No, I mean about asking somebody," says Maya. She says in voice-over that she and Ben have been sort of "on hold" since their Hall Pass date. She says it's been "touch and go" since then, and instead of just asking Ben, she's insisting that he let her know he'd like to spend time with her. We see Ben hanging out on the patio, and the camera pulls back to show Maya lounging a few feet away in the foreground, reading a book. She's holding it up straight enough that you can see it's a big hardcover edition of News of a Kidnapping by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. Big enough to conceal a copy of The Rules? Maybe.
Maya talks to Dave while he gives her a backrub. There definitely seems to be some sort of back muscle crisis in the whole house. Maya says, "You understand that I, um…" Dave finishes: "Wouldn't mind getting to know Señor Reb?" "Where did you get that information?" Maya asks. The hell? He can suggest an entire sentence to her like that? He's Yoda now? He tells her that Ben would love to get to know her. "He's made a lot of money, and he's shy, and it's a tough combination." Maya says she understands shyness, but "if I was interested in somebody, I wouldn't downplay my feelings to such an extreme." Ben continues to hang out on the patio, oblivious. Maya continues to sit just out of sight, reading her book. Like Summer, Maya's also wearing a Body Glove scuba shirt. Body Glove: Official sportswear of sending mixed signals.
Ssshhheeeeeeeewwwwww! It's time for Dave to ask Holly out on the Ass Pass. Supposedly he's all nervous. Cue the slow-motion repressed memory -- I mean, "repeat footage" -- of Dave's massage date with her. "She's gorgeous. She's a Playboy model! Who wouldn't want to be with Holly?" he says. He sits out on the lawn facing her and tries asking her: "We have an…opportunity…and…I know…that…you…are not…completely comfortable with it…" Aww, he's all constipated with the sensitive talk. "I'd like to go," says Holly matter-of-factly. Dave is so thrilled that when they stand up to go inside, he grabs Holly to kiss her. Like all significant moments, it's in slow motion, except in this case the slo-mo emphasizes the way Holly's arms just hang slackly at her side while Dave presses his face against hers. Nice of them to slow down the one moment of the kiss where it looks like she's a doll he's inflating. It's really disturbing. Well, she gets into it eventually. The classmates cheer. They all need to get out more.
Later that night, Holly and Dave sign up to go on the Twenty-Four-Hour Hall Pass. Dave says he's relieved because, he says, "I knew then that she had feelings for me, and I'd successfully made it through that moment of terror that a boy goes through in asking a girl out on a date!" What's with Dave's "boy" talk? Is he in 98 Degrees now? The hell?
The night wears on, and everyone's got Ass Pass on the brain. You can see it in their faces as they walk in slow motion! Ben strides through the kitchen slowwwly, checking out somebody, maybe…Amy, who is walking somewhere else, slowly, checking out somebody else altogether…could it be…Jeff? Walking slowly? Checking someone out? In an interview, Maya tells us that all the classmates realized that it wouldn't necessarily have to be romantic, "but could maybe lead to that." Jeff asks Amy, "Would you be interested in like, a thirty-second date?" Amy laughs. Well, considering her screen time, thirty seconds with Amy would be like a whole day.
Again with the ssshhheeeeeeeewwwwww! sound effect. Or maybe it's the sound of all common sense being sucked out of the room as Jason marches up the stairs to present a single red rose to Patricia. Patricia is sitting with Holly and Nicole. "You look very nice this evening," Jason says. "I had a really good time on that cruise," he says. "And I was thinking I would ask you on the Hall Pass," he says. "Will you accept?" Aww, Jason. It's like he's trying to read the cue cards in his head. Patricia takes the rose and says, "Yeah, that's really nice." "Were you thinking the same thing?" he asks. "Yeah, I was thinking it would be really fun to go," Patricia says. "Thank you!" In an interview, Patricia says, "I don't know why I said yes." Oh, I have a theory, Compliment Slut. "I was like, 'Damn, okay, get out of my face, I'll go with you!'" she says.
More Ben and Maya blah blah blah. Ben puts on a black satin bowling shirt with this sort of gold faux-lizard collar and trim going on -- like, whoa, Andrew Dice Gaylord. Ben hangs around the pool table and talks with Jason and Dave and Maurice about asking Maya out on the Ass Pass. He asks Dave if he has any "insider information." The other guys gather around and give him advice, but Ben's all hemming and hawing. Man, his shirt's got more ego than he does. In fact, I think it's leaching ego out of him. The guys are telling him to just go and ask her. "Aw, well, I don't know if that's my style," says Ben. "Yo! Ladies!" says Ben's shirt. Ben decides he'll ask Maya after he makes another shot at pool. He misses. "Nice shot, chump-ass," says his shirt.
Meanwhile, JockDan goes upstairs. He calls Maya aside and shuts a door for privacy. "Did Jason ask Patricia out on the twenty-four-hour date?" he whispers. Maya says yes. "Do you want to go on the twenty-four-hour date with me?" he asks her. Maya explains in voice-over that she and JockDan had talked earlier in the day about maybe going together, and it sounded fine with her. From what I can tell, it sounds like JockDan wanted to ask Patricia, but had talked with Maya about going together "just for fun" if those plans fell through and if Ben didn't ask Maya. Downstairs, Maurice is telling Ben that Maya really dug his compliments at the cocktail party and he should just make his move. "If you want it, you have to go after it," says Maurice. "Women are just crazy bitches!" says Ben's shirt. Ben is finally persuaded to go ask Maya. He leads Maya out on the upstairs porch and asks her to go on the Ass Pass. Maya explains that she thinks they'd have fun, but JockDan asked her first, even though JockDan really wanted to go with Patricia, and she tells Ben that she was just so completely convinced that he had become a spineless wretch in a tacky shirt who'd never ask her that she'd had no choice but to accept the invitation of JockDan, stupid backwards visor and all. This isn't verbatim, but you get the idea.
So then Maya goes to talk to JockDan, and Ben goes back downstairs by the pool table and tells Dave and Tim and Jeff that he was too late. Dave says, "Go get a dozen roses right now and tell her, 'I'd really like you to come with me,'" and if that doesn't work, Dave says, the four of them should perform a tender pop ballad with synchronized steps. Meanwhile, though, JockDan is figuring out that twenty-four hours is an awfully long time to spend with someone, especially if you have to compliment them all the time, and he's cool about not going. Maya says that she needs to go on the date with Ben and figure out "what's happening."
Dan Barbato. Natasha. Whatever. Dan Barbato and Natasha. Whatever whatever. Natasha asked Dan Barbato on the Ass Pass, whatever, and Barbato had no doubt in his mind about going and whatever, and Natasha predicts, "We'll have a lot of fun!" like, whatever, and whatever whatever Barbato says whatever and he thinks there's a chance of a long-term relationship with Natasha and what? And he says in an interview, "I hope she realizes how serious I am about this relationship," and WHAT? Like, what the fuck?!
The issue with Maya and Ben is settled: they're going. Elsewhere, Patricia remembers that she actually can't stand Jason. In an interview, she confesses that when she agreed to go with Jason, she "didn't think it out entirely." Well, I'm sure she thought at least a little farther than "damn, okay, get out of my face." Probably she thought as far as "oh wait, give me that rose, okay, now get out of my face." She says she was "mortified" when she heard that Jason had tried to kiss other girls in the house. She goes and tells him that the Twenty-Four-Hour Hall Pass is stressing her out, and she doesn't have the sort of feelings for him that he has for her, and she doesn't want to lead him on. Jason tries to call her on that shit and points out that he'd asked her if she was feeling the same way he did, though he should kind of know by now that it's pointless to ask Patricia what she's feeling. "You said you were feeling exactly the same way," he says. "So…that's why I went ahead…and continued…my pursuit," he says. He is but a simple human, and her cyborg ways confound him.
Day Twelve. 7:08 AM. Mike Richards bangs the gong. By God, he'll break their spirits yet. Everyone shuffles out to the patio. Mike Richards announces that the reunion is almost over. Apparently he must explain this because time has lost all meaning for the classmates. "If you've got any more issues that you want to resolve, now's the time to start resolving them," he says, like they're all in rehab at Promises. But, Mike Richards adds, "tomorrow night is Prom Night." Natasha way over-acts her reaction. Everyone else applauds. Summer, bless her heart, rolls her eyes. Mike Richards says that since there are nine guys and eight women, somebody will be going stag. "Aw, crap," says Jeff, predictably. Mike Richards offers to be his date. Like Mike Richards knows gay from straight, or waking from sleeping, or sentient existence from the wooden crate where they store him every night. Anyway. It's time to distribute the Ass Passes. Barbato and Natasha get one, Ben and Maya get one, and so do and Dave and Holly. Everyone else claps and smiles and nods and says, "Oh, well then -- it's okay that we spent all day yesterday desperately trolling around and awkwardly propositioning each other and basically whoring ourselves out, all because we were under the impression that we'd actually have a chance to get the fuck out of the house for once! Ha! Ha! Why, we're fine with that!"
Maya and Ben iron their clothes and pack to leave on their Hall Pass. In an interview, Chris says that they are "a couple shrouded in mystery." Well, those didn't look like mysterious shrouds they were ironing, but whatever. Natasha and Barbato pack. Nicole would like us all to know that "Natasha's definitely cheating on her boyfriend," and "Natasha will probably have sex with Dan," and "Natasha went through a phase a few years back where she cut her hair short and dated women." Okay, Nicole didn't say that, but we did hear that, so I had to fit it in there somewhere. Jeff comments that "Sex is definitely in the air." As Dan packs, Dave asks him if he has protection. Snicker, snicker.
KK: If Dan Barbato starts having sex on TV I think we're going to need protection.
Wendola: Um, here's a big throw pillow we can hold up. I think it'll cover the screen.
KK: Or we could just turn off the TV.
JS: Yeah, but we need a barrier method, too. For safety.
Dave and Holly pack. Or rather, Holly is off in her room packing and Dave is wandering around delivering some lecture on the sexes: it seems that women need to tell you what to wear for dinner because that's what they're good for, and women say they don't care so you have to ask them again, and make them choose between two things and then they tell you what color to wear because really, it proves they cared all along, but they're just too flaky to tell you the first time so you gotta ask twice, yep, and then when you've picked out your clothes for dinner you can tell them to make you a chicken pot pie. Holly says she thinks Dave is funny, and deep down, he's really sweet.
Back at the house, Summer, Tim, Maurice, and Chris hang out in the kitchen. In an interview, Tim says, "I didn't ask Summer to the prom." Apparently he didn't pick up on how much Summer wanted him to ask her. "I took it as a big dismissal, and I never quite forgave him for that," says Summer in an interview. "We had a lot of miscommunications in high school," says Tim. You mean she was dropping hints that whole time? Not HITS? Man, that explains a lot. She'd be talking about getting a corsage to match her dress color and he'd be all, "Dude, but then the colors melt and make these weird sounds." It was just a big misunderstanding. In the kitchen, Summer is telling everyone how, on the day of prom, Tim shaved his entire head, except for one curl in the middle of his forehead. Okay, so he was a little baked when she said she wanted to dress up in a formal gown, and yeah, so he heard wrong and dressed up like Charlie Brown. Summer jokes to Tim that he's "responsible for all the damage." Tim's like, "Hey, it's my brain."
The Ass Passers arrive at the three separate resort destinations. Maya and Ben walk through their hotel suite and admire the room and the view outside. But we'll see in comparison that they get the lamest accommodations out of all three couples -- the smallest suite, and their building doesn't even overlook the ocean directly or anything. That's what you get for wanting to go slowly. Maya notices there's only one bed. Maya says she pointed at it and told Ben, "We'll talk about this later." Yeah, okay, and enjoy your view of the golf course, guys. At Dave and Holly's resort, they get an enormous suite. It's as big as their potential for looooove! Also a big fancy bathtub. At the third resort, Dan B. and Natasha get their own cabin, their own Jacuzzi, and their own ocean in their very own self-absorbed popular universe. "It's just us," coos Natasha.
Ben and Maya go scuba-diving. Wow -- that's fun, but kind of complicated for a date. Maybe Mike Fleiss is hoping they'll get all kinky with the latex gear and things will get sexier. Nope, they just like each other like normal people.
Ssshhheeeeeeeewwwwww! Back to the house. Summer and Tim lounge around on the patio and talk, and Tim says in voice-over: "To have Summer here just eclipses my feelings for all the other girls." He says he decided to write her a letter, "because I've really enjoyed being around her, and I just thought I had an opportunity to resolve something." Cue slo-mo footage of Summer that's made to look all jumpy and grainy and scratchy -- like, what, Tim's memories are only available in Super-8 format and not VHS? Tim reads aloud the letter: "Summer -- the vibrant blood that flows in your veins, the electricity of your presence, the soft silence when your heart is open and your eyes understand. I want to be indelibly alive for one more moment just to know you in a place of love, so we can share sacred space, and let what has been slip away to greet the golden beams of a new day, and, oh, that's my soy milk in the fridge, so could you stop using so much of it in your coffee? Thanks." Tim says he wants to know that the emotional stuff with Summer "was on both sides -- it was mutual, and in a different world it might still be there, you know what I mean?"
Lava is all around for Dave and Holly. They're making a lava connection, those two. Hot love lava! Well, actually, it's not hot at all; they're having to hike over hundreds of yards of nothing but lava rock and they keep getting lost and Dave admits in an interview that the hike "was a little disappointing." Though for once it's kind of nice to have the people on this show do something where they're not ooh-ing and aah-ing and blathering about how wonderful it is. They stop for a picnic and Dave complains that the rock "is close to the most uncomfortable ground that I've ever sat on." Holly asks him what was the most uncomfortable. "I don't know, but I think I'd rather be on street pavement!" says Dave. This seems to completely crack Holly's shit up.
JS: Oh, bless her heart, she thinks that's funny.
KK: What does she do again? She's a lawyer?
Wendola: She's a corporate attorney, I think.
JS: Well there you go, then.
"He's funny," says Holly, "which is really important. And most importantly I think he's really -- "
Everyone: [in unison with Holly] SWEET.
Back, once again at the house, They Who Would Have Been Voted Out Of The House Had The Premise Of The Show Allowed It sit around and chant one of our school cheers. Sarah: "O-P!" Chris: "R-F!" Sarah: "O-P!" Chris: "Ooooooaaaaak Park!" Really, that was how it went. Shut up, I never went to the games. In an interview, Chris talks about the "anti-Twenty-Four-Hour Hall Pass sentiment," and how they decided to try and do something fun instead of being upset. What, so do they finally manage to drug the production crew guy who guards the front gate? Because suddenly they can just waltz out and commandeer a couple of those mini-vans. The classmates get to go to the top of Haleakala National Park. They're given these bright yellow jumpsuits, and for a minute it looks like maybe they were so bored they agreed to work as a hazmat crew, but it turns out they get to bicycle down through the park. We were all wondering what was up with the yellow suits, and JS's husband guessed -- correctly, I think -- that it's so they can find your body in case your bicycle careens off a cliff or something. Anyway: they bike down. "We had a great time," says Maurice. More footage of them biking. "We were literally flying through clouds," says Sarah. Still more biking. "The group that went biking maybe had more fun than the couples that went on the overnight trip," says Sarah, sort of hopefully.
Meanwhile, Barbato and Natasha go horseback riding along the ocean. Wow, Dan B. took her to the place where his horses run free. It's beautiful! It's amazing! Well, for the horses, it's all just plodding inevitability. Actually, it's kind of that way for us, too. In an interview, Barbato says that he's nervous because "I've been feeling in the back of my mind for awhile that this girl could be the one." Oh, no. Behind him, the two horses graze and listen to him talk. They're like, "Hey, did you kick him in the head?" "No, dude -- did you?" Barbato leaves a trail of white roses for Natasha leading to a romantic dinner on the porch. Again with Barbato and the white roses. I'm beginning to think he shits them or something. In an interview, Natasha says she's nervous, too, "because we're spending the night together, and I think something might happen between Dan and I? And I think that's really…bad on my part?" What, her grammar? Yeah. "Because I could hurt somebody," she says. Ah, yes, her boyfriend. Him could be very hurt by she.
The Better Than Sex Bike Excursion makes a stop at a scenic overlook, where the classmates get to have fancy fruity drinks. Sarah sticks her knees up inside her sweatshirt, and Maurice pretends they're her boobs and feels them up; Tim and JockDan and Summer sip through straws from one drink, and Summer yells, "It's a three-way!" It's just like when Speech Team went to that tournament in Springfield. Man, was that a sex-fest. Tim approaches Summer with a flower and asks her to Prom. "Aww! But I was gonna go stag!" says Summer. "Well, I was figured that we didn't…that since I dropped the ball in high school on that whole thing…that we could make up for it," says Tim. Summer goes, "Aww!" some more, and accepts. Aww! Tim says that he hopes they can have a really beautiful night together. "Imagine, like, the ideal date you never had." The classmates stand at the scenic overlook and toast "to the friends we never knew we had, the friends we once lost, and the friends we have yet to make." Or to the friends that they thought they knew they didn't have but really had, only they got lost. Or something.
Holly and Dave have dinner in their suite. It looks romantic enough, but, like, the table's up to their chin or something. I guess those two are both kind of short, but they're not that wee. They talk about Prom, and Dave's like, who are you going with, ha ha? And Holly's all, oh, I don't know, heh heh! And should she ask him or has he already said yes to someone else, ha ha ha! And Dave doesn't know, and he has to think about it, and hee hee, isn't it cute? Ha ha! No. Oh yeah, ha ha! No, really. Dave presents her with a bouquet of red roses and asks her to the Prom. Holly says, get this: "He was very, very funny, and yet at the same time very…sweet."
Back at the house, Tim calls out, "Hey Summer! I think you better check your bed!" Tim pulls back the door to her room and shows her that another envelope with the telltale awkward block handwriting of her secret admirer is on her bed, along with a silver bracelet with a heart charm. Summer says she thinks it's a little suspicious that Tim found the note. "I just happened to be up here," says Tim. The note says, "I look forward to revealing what's in my heart." Summer shrieks and yells, "More cryptic messages!" Nicole's like, "It's Tim," and Maurice is like, "It's not Tim," and Tim's like, "It's not me," and Summer's like, "It's freaking me out."
Maya and Ben have their candlelight dinner. In an interview, Ben says, "There've certainly been moments when we seem to have a romantic connection." JS: "Dude, you can tell he watches reality shows, because he knows to say 'romantic connection.' Nobody ever has one of those in real life." They make a champagne toast, and Ben asks Maya to Prom. In an interview, Maya says she's not sure what's going to happen on the date, but she thinks "it may turn out to be a smooch." She says, "I definitely want it to happen, and I definitely want it to be very memorable." Um, okay, I think maybe they've got a Hollywood production staff kind of working on that or something.
Natasha and Dan B. You know the drill. Barbato doesn't want to let go of this whole thing with Natasha only to regret it at the end of his life, blah blah, carpe boobatem, et cetera. "I think Dan is thinking long-term thoughts about this, which confuses me even more," says Natasha. It's so confusing, the future! Like, all those days of the week! How do they figure out which ones are the Thursdays and which ones are the Saturdays? It gives her a headache! Okay, she's not that dumb, but she'd like you to think she is. They sit on the lawn outside their cottage and start kissing. Slow-motion, multi-angle kissing action. In an interview, Natasha says, "And then suddenly I remember -- my boyfriend!" Yeah, except I think first she remembered she left the iron on back in Chicago, and then wondered if someone would notice something after seeing her mail -- which she also just now remembered she forgot to cancel -- piling up outside her door, and would they stop in, and also check on her plants, because she just also remembered that she wouldn't be there to water them, and then she remembered, oh, wait, somebody else lives in her apartment! And THEN suddenly she remembered her boyfriend.
Back at the house, Chris does a parody of the Braveheart speech: "Those people on the Twenty-Four-Hour Hall Passes! They can have their fun! But they will never! Take! Our boredom!!!" I think that's from Braveheart, at least. He and the other classmates make a toast: "Here's to those of us who did not go on the Twenty-Four-Hour Hall Pass, who do not care about sex, and a romantic date, and good times, and possibly the most memorable moment of our life." Heh.
Holly. Dave. Holly and Dave on the beach. Dave says Holly's the greatest surprise that could have come this week, and she's beautiful, and nice, and caring, and mysterious, and fragile. Holly says Dave's really funny! And he's sweet! Oh, wait, no -- this time she says he's perfect. Well, that's progress.
Ben and Maya, also on the beach. They're lying on a blanket, looking up at the stars. First Maya gets pissed that she sees a shooting star and Ben misses it. "I always see shooting stars by myself!" she complains. Ben says he kept resisting the temptation to kiss her, but at some point it got too strong. We see him roll up on his side to kiss her. The lighting and angle is all weird, so it's hard to tell how Maya is reacting -- I think she's reciprocating a little, but we just see that their heads are kind of stuck together, and then after a few seconds they disengage. "That was sort of forward of you," Maya says. "A little bit…but that's what we were looking for," says Ben. Who, you and Mike Fleiss? "Was that bad?" he asks. In an interview, Maya says the kiss "came out of left field," and then she says that she hadn't thought she'd find anyone that she would want to kiss -- so somehow, apparently, being kissed by somebody she hadn't expected to meet but then did meet and whose kiss she nonetheless expected at some point during the date but then didn't come at a moment she was expecting made her, she says, "uncomfortable." Ben said he thought she was sending out signals that she wanted to be kissed, as if having a woman indicate she wanted to be kissed was all there was to it, silly man. Back on the beach, he moves in to kiss her again, and this time she's clearly more wiggy. "I wanted Ben to kiss me that night, but I didn't want to think about it, I wanted it to just happen, and then it did just happen, and it took me back, because I expected it to be more predictable." Maya's in her own kooky universe where shooting stars shoot when she expects them to shoot, except when she's with someone else, dammit.
Ben and Maya walk back to their room, where they will Have A Talk, and then Sleep And Think About It. Elsewhere, Holly and Dave walk back to their room, where they will have…I don't know, perfection? They keep referring to each other as "perfect." Natasha and Dan B. walk back to their room arm-in-arm, and then they do this perfect little arm-over-shoulder-turn-spin to face each other, except they do it with complete seriousness, as if out of an almost Fascist hatred of physical awkwardness, and then they grasp both hands and Natasha gazes at him wide-eyed, and then Barbato starts in with the one-finger chin caress, because clearly he thinks women have these amazing erogenous zones in their chins, and all the while they're talking in voice-over about going with what they know is right, and so they kiss to the cheesy music, and to the sounds of their own voices blathering their self-absorbed personal philosophies, and you know they wouldn't have it any other way. If there were ever such a thing as narcissist porn, it would be this scene.
"We're going to have to ask you guys to leave," Barbato says to the camera crew. They close the doors to their cottage. Fade out. You know, nobody else had to ask the camera people to leave at bedtime, but then again, they didn't invite the cameras in to film the freaking foreplay. Ewwww.