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Well, this show is back, and now with even more characters than ever. Not sure we truly cared about all the other ones, but whatever. The first new guy is a creepy carnival employee who goes by the name of... well, we don't actually learn his name, so let's call him T-Bag since he's played by Robert Knepper. T-Bag has a funeral for his brother, talks about the importance of family, fills in the grave with telekinesis and can do magical psychic tattooing on a coworker (it disappears after a few minutes), which causes him to send his knife guy after Danko to get something. Also, T-Bag's pals with an older ailing gentleman who possesses the ability to send people back in time. He's like Hiro, but without the ability to talk, which is just about my dream.
Speaking of Hiro, he and Ando have gone in to business together. They've started a Dial-a-Hero helpline and it is remarkably unpopular. Hiro's sister Kimiko, who seems to be the brains of the family, hates Ando and thinks this is a stupid idea. Still, Hiro and Ando run to the rescue of a little girl's cat, Mr. Muffin. They realize that neither of their powers are useful in scaling buildings, but Hiro is able to stop Ando from crash landing by freezing time. However, using his powers paralyzes Hiro (sadly only temporarily) and gives him nosebleeds. Apparently, he's dying. And the only way to stop it would be to go back to 14 years ago to see the fortuneteller who told him he'd do great things with his life and stop his younger self from fulfilling his destiny. But he's way to ethical for that. Also, magical tattoo lady gets a picture of Hiro on her back.
Also related to the carnival life is HRG, he's lonely and making toast, when he and Angela aren't conspiring to revive the company and put a stop to Tracy. Tracy, for her part, tries to trap HRG in a flooded car (which is similar to a story I saw on Eureka a few weeks back). Danko saves him and wants to partner with HRG to stop Tracy and all the heroes, but HRG isn't buying it. And that actually doesn't matter in any way, shape or form, because Danko gets sliced to bits by speedy sword guy. (Tracy also gets cut up, but turns into water to save herself.)
HRG's kid Claire has gone off to college and is living with a highly driven and competitive roommate. She tries to adapt to regular school, but fantasizes about life on the lam. She also meets a freak named Gretchen, who is also from Texas and remembers the story about the cheerleader getting her head chopped off and living. Then there's some random awkward Guitar Hero moments and the apparent suicide of Claire's roommate.
In Petrelli news, Angela has visions of Sylar every time Nathan talks. Nathan can't remember anything about his old life and is freaked the hell out. And Peter is back being an EMT, using his powers to jump to the rescue (my husband cleverly dubbed him "Peter Parkour") and has no desire to get back in with his family or the company... unless it helps him save more lives. - Angel Cohn
Read about the second half of the premiere, then discuss this episode in our forums. Plus, see whether we thought last season's finale was one of the Best or Worst Finales of 2009!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!We pick up at the beginning of our latest volume, "Volume Five: Redemption," which was teased at the tail end of last season (you remember, I'm sure; it was a season so bad that even the few people crazy enough to still watch past season two gave up on the show -- including, apparently, Couch Baron). So, now we're in an outdoor landscape somewhere with rolling hills as the new volume titles flash onscreen. Regular Heroes music plays, with a bit of a higher pitch as we zoom in on a group of people in black, surrounding a plain wood casket in the ground. The guy at the head of the grave site is none other than T-Bag with an Irish accent. His sermon is our introductory voiceover, so apparently he's our new "foreign" narrator. Good riddance, Mohinder. (Spoiler people: Don't tell me if he's coming back; just let me enjoy this reprieve.)
The gist of T-Bag's narration: He and his brother, Joseph, have had two families. He says the first one "didn't work out too well," so they made themselves a new one. I get the sense he and his brother, Joseph, maybe have killed their actual family, though he doesn't come out and say this. Anyway, their created family consists of everyone standing at this funeral in the middle of nowhere. He says he and Joseph needed a family as we get what are supposed to be meaningful close-ups of the mourners (including Ray Park, a.k.a. Darth Maul). He says family offers protection from the outside world. Theme music really kicks up as he continues to talk, and we get a series of past scenes of the heroes we know. "A world that never understood or appreciated what makes us different..." as Peter stands on that rooftop in the series premiere. T-Bag continues that "there are others like us out there, in the shadows, in the light," as Peter "jumps" off the building, and then we cut to Claire jumping off that large, rusted structure in the premiere, then running up the Greek forum stairs and hugging HRG goodbye on the bridge of tears. T-Bag rambles on: "...each grasping for meaning in a world that won't accept them for who they really are..." Then we see Claire jumping off some building, which I don't remember happening, so can't link to when it was.
T-Bag's not done yet: "They, like us, are blessed. Gifted with extraordinary abilities. And they, like us, struggle with finding their place in an ordinary world..." As we see Sylar with ominous flame hands on a New York rooftop, Nathan sopping wet with longer hair (I have no idea when that happened; anyone?), and then Nathan flying away and then landing in his pajamas. Music picks up just as Nathan lands, and T-Bag continues -- "Haunted by their past... [sic]" -- as Niki, er, I mean Jessica ... oh, wait, Tracy shatters her first human. "...from those who would harm them and keep them from their destiny..." as Danko shoots and shatters frozen Tracy. "Every one of them deserves a chance to be who they really are..." as Matt Parkman hugging Janice (who cares when that is, really? I know that Parkman's boring, but is that really what they chose to wrap up Parkman's history on the show?) and holding Baby Matt the day he met him. Hiro "Yatta!"s in Times Square. "But to what end? For what purpose?" as Hiro wheels Ando out of the Parkman home.
T-Bag wraps up, finally: "Here, in this place, we offer salvation, we offer hope, we offer redemption. And, one by one, they will come to our side, to our family, and they will find their way home." A shorter-haired Claire is holding a box of stuffed animals on a college campus. HRG spins his wedding ring on a table. Hiro and Ando look through a glass door in an office building. Matt holds his kid (which is a different kid than before). Sylar runs out of the woods all dirty and wearing a sweat suit (!) riddled with bullet holes. Tracy opens a door and walks through it. Peter's in an EMT jacket pushing a gurney in an ER. We're back at the funeral as T-Bag says "All who have gathered will be strong. And all who have gathered will stand. In unison. I say it's time we found our way back home again." He opens a compass, looks at it, and throws it into the grave with a quiet, "Find your way home, brother." T-Bag pushes his arms together and the dirt falls on the casket, which appears to be the power to move things you aren't touching, no? Mourners cry. As do I, because all of that already happened and we're only three minutes in. As they walk away from the funeral, we see they're walking toward a carnival in the distance. Title card. Phew. I need a nap. May I point out that showing clips of when the show used to be good doesn't mean it's good now? It only means it's so bad that the best things they can come up with are old scenes. Although, you know, not having Mohinder in the episode can't hurt anything. Except aesthetics.
Claire's carrying her box (and one duffel bag and a messenger bag) up the stairs in her dorm room hall as the episode title chyron -- "Chapter One: Orientation" -- appears behind her on the wall. And she's in Arlington, Virginia. Seriously all I can see in her box are stuffed animals and a trophy. If you pack that light, Claire, you leave that crap at home. She enters her room, where one half is already decked out all pink and the other side is hers. Claire's crazy, overprepared roommate Annie comes in carrying a stack of textbooks, introduces herself and immediately starts bugging Claire about why she was so private that Annie couldn't friend her on Facebook before meeting and how she has a life plan and Claire should have one, too. I hate her, and mostly that's just because the show is stupid enough to make her so over-the-top that she puts Tracy Flick to shame. But we all know subtlety isn't part of this show's vocabulary. Anyway, nothing important is established in this scene other than Annie being batshit. Oh, and Claire got her GED, but got into this amazing school that cannot be named anyway, because her "scores" were high. Claire tells Annie that her mom breeds championship show dogs (really? Mr. Muggles?) and her dad works for the government. Annie also tells Claire she needs to place into some class at a placement test today. This is all a dumb storyline that goes nowhere and I'm annoyed at this show for making me recap it.
Tokyo. A giant billboard of Ando and Hiro, then a smaller version in a room they're sitting in. They have apparently started a "Dial A Hero," but they haven't gotten any calls. Ando says no one understands the company, so it's not really working, but Hiro pulls out a bar graph to convince him otherwise. It's not clear if it convinces him because Ando glimpses a photo from their childhood, and tells Hiro what happened that day (WHEN HIRO WAS THERE, ANVIL SEEKERS): Ando spilled his drink on Hiro's sister, and that's the moment she started hating him. Man, what a priss. Why would he even care if she's that uptight? Hiro: "Women. What are you going to do?" Ando says he still loves Kimiko, but she thinks he's an idiot. Just then, she storms in and yells at them for spending all of this money on "Heroes for Hire" (don't worry: Hiro corrects her on the company name). [Good, becase that's a Marvel Comics lawsuit waiting to happen. - Zach] Kimiko thinks this has Ando's name written all over it, by which she means "inane" and "irresponsible." She storms out, with Hiro just saying "bar graph" to try to convince her. Ando's like, "See? She hates me." Yes, Ando, we see that. Thanks for that completely useless scene. Then the phone rings, and someone's looking for a hero, it seems, judging by the way Hiro's face lights up.
New York. Peter is in his ambulance, telling everyone over the radio that he and his partner are on something that's 12 blocks away. His partner says they won't get there with all the traffic, so Peter opts to "hoof it," telling his partner that there's always a shortcut. He goes all Spider-Man, running up walls and leaping onto fire escapes. When he arrives at the accident and finds a car on its side with a pregnant woman at the wheel, he rips the door off her car and says, "I'm here to save you." No one talks like that, show. Not even someone as pompous and whiney as Peter.
Back at Claire College, she's entering a classroom when Annie's all, "Roomie!" and calls her over to sit by her for this placement test thing. Annie hopes Claire's in the class so they can keep each other on their toes. But, like, no pressure and it's not a competition, okay? It's all about sisterhood. Claire tries to be sweet, but hates Annie as much as the rest of us. Anyway, the teacher -- Ted from QAF -- tells them that only 35 of them will get into this class, then he pulls down a complicated equation and starts a timer. Claire thinks it's impossible, and wonders if this is a joke, so Annie's like, "Are you sweating?" I really thought this would go somewhere, like maybe that equation would have something to do with the formula, but nope. Nothing. Except Claire hallucinates snipers shooting her with tranq darts and moans out loud. Then she leaves, telling Annie this class isn't for her. [Yes, basic algebra is clearly not for Claire. - Z]
In a New York ER, Peter's filling out paperwork, as his partner tells him that the woman he saved just had twins, and named them after him. Peter knows that's not true, because he knows everything about the woman, but he won't go visit her even though she'd like to thank him in person. What a weirdo. His partner seems to agree with me on this point. They continue in their locker room. Partner thinks Peter should be happy, since he saved three lives all on his own, but Peter says if he'd gotten there seconds later she wouldn't have made it, so he needs to be faster. Partner's all, "What?! You went faster than humanly possible." Peter finds out a shift he was trying to take was snagged by someone else, so he leaves, even though Partner totally wants to hang out. Get it, y'all? Peter's a lone reed.
Tokyo. A little girl tells Hiro and Ando her kitty cat, Muffin Man, is stuck up high on this building. Can they save him? They can't believe their first client's a cat, but Hiro volunteers Ando to climb up there "old school" and save him, since neither of their powers apply to this situation (and, let's be realistic: how many situations would these two's powers apply to? Not many). Ando gets Muffin Man, and then the little girls tells him the cat hates people. He starts scratching, and Ando falls. Which is why it's good Hiro stayed on the ground to freeze time and save everyone involved.
Washington, D.C., skyline as we hear Angela Petrelli talking on a phone about how "all four" were Danko's men. She says these are revenge killings, and we both know it's Tracy Strauss. We see Bennet's on the other end of that call, in a crusty D.C. apartment. Bennet thinks he'll be on her list soon enough, and Angela adds, "Or Nathan," which is why she needs Noah to put his personal problems aside and take care of this. She says Nathan tattled that Bennet's not taking his phone calls, and he's like, "You mean Sylar?" He says it was a hasty decision he made to be nice to a grieving mother, but he regrets it now. Angela says there was no other choice, and then reminds us what happened at the end of last season (though she doesn't explain how it makes sense that Matt could make someone bad think they're someone relatively nicer all along, but then again ... this is Heroes). Bennet says he can't look at Nathan knowing who he really is. Angela tells him that's fine, but he needs to get the company up and running, since he's supposed to be the man with the plan. He says he's not that guy now that he lost his family, and he's already late to Claire's first day of school.
Bennet hangs up and gets in his car, which won't start and then fills up with water. The outside starts to get all icy. He's trapped until someone shoots a hole in one of the windows and water pours out. Bennet opens the door and falls out with the flooding water. He looks up at the gun-wielder, who we can't see, and says, "Danko." Danko steps forward and says he can't figure out how Tracy's doing this, since he watched her shatter into ice. Bennet doesn't think it's weird. He just says, "Ice melts." Danko's here to offer a solution to their mutual problem, which is to kill Tracy before she kills them. Danko also says he's still hunting "these people," even though the government isn't, and he's also heard Bennet's going back into business with the Petrellis. I'm sorry, but how would Danko know that? Unless Sylar's still reporting to him? Which he better not be, or this show is even dumber than I thought (which is saying a lot). Bennet denies it, and says he's changing careers; it's time to start over. Danko says guys like "us" don't start over, and Bennet protests that they're not alike. Danko says that's fine, Bennet's on his own when Tracy comes back for him.
Claire College. She picks up a flier as the slutty teen from Californication stalks her until she catches up and makes fun of cheerleaders. To which Claire manages not to reply, "I'm THE cheerleader, bitch!" Instead, Claire agrees, because she knows from experience. They introduce each other. Slutty teen is Gretchen, and she's from Texas, too, just like Claire. Then she's like, "You're not that Claire Bennet, are you?" Claire wonders how she heard about that, and she says you sort of remember when a cheerleader gets her head sawed off (and you apparently remember who was also nearby, not just said cheerleader?). Gretchen, who I loathe more every second, thinks Claire should have changed her name. Claire says she did that for awhile, but she wants to be herself and she foolishly thought people might forget. Then she excuses herself from this more-awkward-by-the-minute conversation.
Back in Tokyo, Hiro brings time back and Ando gives the little girl her kitty. She thanks him and says she loves Dial A Hero and is going to tell everyone. She and Ando turn and see Hiro is frozen, so Ando tells her Hiro's just joking. She leaves, but Ando still can't get him to snap out of it.
Angela's pouring herself sake in a sushi place when someone walks in and, in Nathan's voice, says, "What have you done to me, Mom?" Then we see him, and it's Sylar, who says it took him a half-hour to get here. He apologizes for his lack of manners, gives her a creepy kiss on the cheek and says she looks lovely as usual. Angela snaps awake in the back of a car as she is actually pulling up to the sushi place. [Which appears to be right near where Bennet lives, unless I'm going crazy. - Zach] Nathan arrives and says the same thing as before, but it's much less ominous coming from the real Nathan (or, you know, the Sylar-as-Nathan-not-knowing-Sylar's-in-there Nathan; as opposed to the Sylar-as-Nathan-with-hints-of-Sylar-coming-out Nathan). Angela looks pensively at him, so he asks if she's okay. She says she's just worried about the company, because Noah's been distracted. Sylar-as-Nathan eyes the sashimi in front of him as he distractedly tells her he'll talk to Bennet, then asks, "Do I like sushi?" She says he's the one who wanted it; she wanted Italian. He picks up a piece and eats it. He says it's interesting, and she says new horizons keep life from getting stale. He agrees and says he's been taking stock of a lot of things lately, and feels like there's a lot of change. He feels like when he looks back on his life, it's not his life he's looking back on. She brushes it away as self-reflection, which is natural when you hit 40. But Nathan's being serious: He's not happy with the kind of person, brother, father, son he's been. Seems to be Nathan here, not Sylar, but whatever. It's too confusing to keep up. He tells her he's going to reconnect with the important people in his life and be "a better me." She tells him his life is stressful and at his age, he starts to feel his own mortality. He says that's just it; he feels invincible. She tells him it's a midlife crisis, and he should get a sports car and a young woman, just like his father did. They drink more sake as he eerily asks what he would be without her? Well, uh, mostly Sylar.
Matt's on the floor with his son when Angela calls him. Apparently he told her never to call, but she says there's a problem with that thing he did six weeks ago. She says Sylar's beginning to emerge again, and Matt says that's because he is Sylar. She says that's not true, because Matt erased Sylar from him; she saw it happen. She needs him to fix it, by going back into his mind and erasing more or upgrading it or whatever. For someone who's so sure of what she saw Matt do, she sure doesn't know crap about what it is he did. Is this the first time we have had a lack of continuity between two sentences in a single scene? Oh, probably not, but still. Matt's not doing it, because he stopped using his powers. He's done. He's out. Angela says there's no such thing as out for people like them. He disagrees and says this is her problem, wishes her luck, and hangs up. Then he looks worriedly at Baby Matt.
In his office, Sylar-as-Nathan looks thoughtful as he reaches for his cup of coffee... which comes over to him, because the Sylar power is seeping out. He looks amazed, and tries to do it again. He can't, but he does shoot some electricity out of his hands. He's like: WTF?!
Claire enters her dorm room, where Annie's telling Bennet that Claire could be an above-average student if she would just apply herself. Claire greets her dad warmly, and he says he's sorry he's late: car troubles. Heh. Annie tells Claire she'll see her at the mixer tonight, where she heard they have Guitar Hero 3 (why 3, writers?), at which she totally excels and is looking forward to kicking Claire's ass. She leaves, and Bennet tries to talk about the math class with her, but she has bigger news about being recognized. He, too, suggests changing her name, but she doesn't want to be anyone but Claire Bennet, daughter of Noah Bennet. Wow, show, do you think those of us watching don't even know how these two are related without hammering it out in the screenplay? Claire says she sort of told Annie the truth about his job, and she liked it. She wonders what if her way of reinvention is telling the truth. Bennet thinks maybe not the whole truth and tells her to be careful. They hug sweetly, but I'm not even touched. Is it possible I don't even love sweet, paternal HRG anymore?
Carnival. Wherever the hell it is. A girl walks slowly from one tent to another, and ends up with our friend T-Bag. She takes off the one slip of clothing she's wearing and reveals her tattooed back to him. He puts some ink on her back and asks her to show him who he is. He watches as Danko's face slowly emerges on her back. The lady tells T-Bag Danko's name, as Ray Park walks in. He greets T-Bag as Samuel, and wonders what he wants. Samuel wants a favor from Edgar, which Edgar seems to know means killing someone. Edgar doesn't want to do it, because he really wants that redemption Samuel talked about. Samuel says he left out the part about vengeance, which is where Danko comes in. Edgar says they only kill when they have to, so Samuel says "A line has been crossed; they crossed it, not us." He wants Edgar to go kill Danko and get the compass back, like Joseph would have wanted. What?! Didn't Samuel put the compass in the grave with Joseph? Is Joseph's power to send something from the afterlife to a place where he will then tell someone who has tattoo-reading power? That's some power, huh? So useful. Anyway, Samuel takes his stabby ink pen and stabs Edgar with it, which sends an ink blot up Edgar's arm until it forms a hand around his neck and chokes him. So, Samuel's power is moving dirt and controlling ink? Anyway, Edgar's obviously going to do as he's told in order to avoid death by ink. Which I had never thought of as a possibility before. Samuel says he's sorry and promises not to ask him again after this one. Somehow I don't trust him.
Nighttime. Bennet's eating at the same sushi place where Angela and Sylar-as-Nathan ate earlier when Tracy walks up and sits down to him. He says he was thinking he'd be the one who got away, and she's like, "No. You're just number five." He says that used to be his lucky number and wonders if it still is. She hasn't decided yet, though she will drink his sake. He says he saw her break into a thousand pieces, so she explains (for all of us, I presume, since she hates him) that she felt herself shatter and melt, at which point all of the pieces floated back together with one cohesive thought: to kill all of Danko's crew. She says all she is now is a killer, but Bennet says he can help her get her life back. She wonders why he would do this for her, and he says, "Twenty years of bagging and tagging, and I never helped a single one of you." Uh, what? You took one in and loved her as your daughter, and you've saved numerous others. Selective memory, much? He says that maybe they're both working for redemption. Tracy's teary about it, though not ready to work with him yet. She bets he wishes it was that easy. And, yeah, I think he sort of does.
Bennet meets with Danko in some dark office space. Danko wonders if Bennet changed his mind about Tracy. But Bennet's here to convince Danko to let this thing with Tracy go himself. Danko's not having it. He's going to kill her, even if that means sucking her up in a Wet Vac. Bennet gives Danko an envelope, which he says is a chance to start over. He says not being interested is not acceptable, because he's going to get what he wants. We pan back to see the Haitian behind Danko. Awesome. I love Bennet and the Haitian, especially together, so this might be the highlight of the episode. The Haitian does his brain-suck thing.
Nathan looks thoughtful and confused. No, really, that's the whole scene. Peter's phone is ringing, but he ignores it. It's Nathan, who really wants to talk to his little brother. He's left him three messages and really needs to talk to him. He says something's happening to him, and he thinks Peter might understand. He asks him to please just call. Then Nathan leans against his desk and we see the cup he moved earlier. Peter tacks up an article about the woman and twins he saved on a wall covered in articles about people being saved. He's like the opposite of a serial killer, if that's possible. A sociopathic saver of some kind. Why are they doing this to Peter, who I somehow usually like but am going to hate if he keeps holing himself up like a spoiled brat who didn't get his way?
Tracy follows Danko into his apartment. He turns with a gun and asks who she is. She thinks he should know, so figures out that Bennet made him forget. Danko's all, "Still not with you, lady." She says it's not worth it and turns to leave. She hears Danko being confronted by Edgar in the room. Danko tells him he's never going to find what he's looking for, but Edgar thinks he will. And, apparently, the best way to get someone to tell you where it is is to kill them with crazy martial arts knife skills. So he slices and dices Danko. Then Tracy comes in, and Edgar tries to slice and dice her, but when he cuts her, she's just water and then reforms into herself. SO DUMB. So, now we have another invincible hero? And it's the most annoying, least important one of all? Though the special effects when he slices her face into water are sort of cool. Edgar flees when Tracy ices up his arm a little. She looks over at Danko's dead body.
Read about the second half of the premiere, then discuss this episode in our forums. Plus, see whether we thought last season's finale was one of the Best or Worst Finales of 2009!
DeAnn, a writer and editor in Portland, Oregon, is ashamed to admit she was a cheerleader once. You can contact her at twopmodmars@gmail.com.