So who's it going to be? Cyndi or Jon? Mahi mahi or halibut? No wasting time (apart from a few seconds revisiting the Story So Far despite the fact that it was all outlined in the previouslies) and Ramsay names Jon the winner, then kicks everyone out, warning them Hell's Kitchen will be open for dinner tonight.
In the dorms, Susan offers congratulations, Ja'Nel is annoyed (but in a healthily competitive way) and Zach is busy big-upping his own dish still, much to Mary's annoyance.
Prep gets underway, with the women seemingly rarin' to go, while in Blue, Anthony and Zach seem to have their heads all the way up their own asses: Anthony because he feels vulnerable, Zach because he was pissed that his dish didn't win. "I'll be thinking about that for a long time," he says, maudlin piano playing, and in the talking-head he actually cries. And during prep he cries, but that's probably because he wanted an excuse to take a break and go hang out in the dorms. So Red is prepping with four, while Blue is down to two, thanks to Zach taking a break ("emotional sabbatical," the narrator calls it). Jon starts something burning on the stove, filling the kitchen with smoke, which at least lets Zach feel like the team is falling apart without him.
Ramsay gives his pre-game prep talk, telling Blue that sitting at their chef's table will be Maria Menounos. Zach seems to suggest that he wants Menounos to perform oral sex on him. Red gets Jeremy Sisto, and the women manage to keep it classy, their reactions a textbook example of, "Him? Well, OK!" Ramsay tells them to cook with passion and for once to make him proud, which ought to lift everyone's spirits. Wait, Jim O'Heir is there? He's on Parks and Recreation! Move over, Sisto! Maria Menounos arrives, and the men can't keep their eyes off her, which... well, fair enough.
Over in Red, I guess now's the time to learn that Mary cooks with her tongue hanging out, kinda like the way Michael Jordan played basketball. In Blue, Anthony doesn't know what Ramsay's on about when he says "Out in one," referring to taking the scallops out of the pan in one swift motion, rather than one at a time, but at least he cooked them right. Menounos seems to enjoy them, and Jon seems to suggest that he would like to serve Menounos his penis for dessert.
In Red -- Sisto fashionably late. Classic Sisto! -- Mary didn't drop the lobster tails when she was supposed to but apparently it was Cyndi's job to remind her. Everyone blames Cyndi, including Cyndi. In Blue -- Menounos enjoying the up-close view of the action, including Ramsay reaming out Jon and Anthony for serving up unseasoned risotto.
Sisto finally gets his Suburgatory ass to the chef's table, just in time to see Ramsay chew out Cyndi for the mess her station is in and call her a dirty little big. He looks like he thinks he just walked in on a hate crime. "I'm going to need a week in therapy after this," he tells his dining buddy. Not only is Cyndi making a mess, she's making too much risotto and dragging the kitchen down, says Ramsay. But Sisto's enjoying his food, so at least there's that.
Blue's not doing too bad, until Anthony brings up one lobster tail instead of two like he's supposed to (and like the replay clearly indicates Jon asked for and Anthony confirmed). When he does bring two up, they're overcooked and rubbery. "You're the only weak link in this chain right now," Ramsay tells him, but Anthony's lobster tails are fine.
Both teams complete appetizers, so Zach's going to start coming into play a little more on the meat station. Anthony seems to realize, at least in a talking-head, that he and Zach need to make sure they work together to win, since Jon has immunity, and might not have as much motivation to perform well. In practice, though, he walks some bass up to the pass much too early because Zach still needs more time for his meat. Menounos seems scandalized that she's getting more bread obviously because her food is delayed. Some nobody in Blue complains about how she's hungry because she's been working all day (as opposed to everyone else in the dining room, whom I guess she thinks are on welfare). Since everyone should know you come here with a risk that you might not actually get food, we know she's just here to maybe see herself on television, so mission accomplished.
Now that they're on entrees, Susan's teammates are worried that she may kill someone with raw lamb, but she starts strong. Zach is likewise cooking lamb well, if a little slowly, it appears. Red's on a roll. Ja'Nel cuts herself (bleeding, but not like that old SNL Julia Child bit). I don't know why Susan's worried about temporarily going down a person; they are up against Blue, after all. Blue has Anthony, who has just served up some raw halibut, and Ramsay pulls him into the back, the better to tear him a new asshole.
"His words are just hitting me in the face like a punch," says Anthony, who nevertheless says the dressing-down was also motivating, and he gets back into the kitchen more fired up. And Ja'Nel now has a Band-Aid on, so she's good to return. Well, theoretically, anyway. She's on garnish but seems distracted. Sisto and his buddy watch in amusement, buddy giggling his ass off whenever Ramsay yells at someone. And in Blue, Anthony's halibuts are beautifully cooked. Too bad Zach's "fucking Wellingtons" are raw. "If it's not one person, it's another person," sighs Jon. "He's in hot water," Menounos notes, while Ramsay yells at Zach.
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But it only gets worse, because he has no more Wellingtons prepped. While he gets more ready to put into the oven, his strategy appears to be pretending he doesn't hear Ramsay ask how long it'll be, and if he does that long enough, he won't have to say "twenty minutes." But he's forced to come clean, and Ramsay can't believe it. He goes into Red because Susan's got extra Wellingtons. "That's just humiliating," says Anthony. Susan's a little annoyed that her perfectly cooked food is going to make someone else look good.
Meanwhile, Susan goes over to the chef's table to flirt the fuck out of Sisto. She tells us that she doesn't know what Sisto's status. As for her, she's got "cabin fever," which I guess means she's horny as all hell. Her whole strategy appears to center around being a woman, and later, if Jeremy Sisto feels like having sex with a woman, maybe he'll remember, "Hey, there was that woman in the kitchen."
Oh, Blue. Oh, Blue. Zach's got the order wrong, and the food he has cooked is overdone, and he's starting to worry that Ramsay is literally going to physically assault him. What does happen is Ramsay just calmly takes over Zach's station. Zach buzzes around like a gnat, trying to at least appear to still be fighting. In a talking-head, he's teary-eyed again, referring to Ramsay as his mentor, and saying Ramsay wouldn't quit. I can't tell if he's emotional either because this wound up costing him his jacket or if he's grateful that he wasn't kicked out. We'll find out soon enough. Meanwhile: Yay, Menounos gets her food! I presume it's safe to assume she did not wind up having sex with any of the chefs.
Debriefing: No contest, Red won. Jon's immune, and he's got the unenviable task of deciding who should be dropped from Blue: Zach or Anthony. Meanwhile, Red's got to pick someone to join the men, since after this, Red will be four to Blue's two. I guess I shouldn't have assumed the black jackets were going to the Top 6 this year.
In the dorms, Jon talks to both his teammates to determine who he wants to keep. He's like the Bachelorette, trying to decide which of two idiots to keep. For Red, there doesn't to be as much appetite to join Blue as there once was, although a lot of that seems to be a lack of interest in dealing with Zach's shit. Ja'Nel, though, feels like it might still be a good chance to display some leadership. "Thank god, I am so relieved to not be going to the Blue team," Susan tells us. To her face, her Red teammates are all, "Yeah, this should work out fine!" but in their talking heads they're basically like, "R.I.P. Ja'Nel."
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When they come back to the dining room, Ramsay asks who he's nominating, and Jon says Anthony. Ramsay tells him he appreciates his decision, but he still wants to hear from both Zach and Anthony themselves, and he makes them step forward.
Anthony says he's shone since he's been here, and feels still being on the Blue team at this point is an accomplishment in itself. He might have something there! "I can only go higher from this," he says, adding that his heart separates him from Zach.
Ramsay asks Zach about the wall he hit tonight, and Zach talks about his determination, creativity, leadership and love. He calls himself a fighter, and says this is passion. Ramsay points out that Zach's big downfall is sugarcoating a problem and not moving right to the solution.
And since we've dragged out one elimination over two episodes, we have still more time to fill, so we see mini-montages of the two nominees of scenes JUST FROM TONIGHT, and then Ramsay asks for Anthony's jacket, telling him he's been on a downward spiral for a little while now, but he needs to walk out the doors and continue his journey. Everyone yells goodbye to Anthony, who says, "Win, Jon," to the guy who just wanted him to leave the team.
Anyway, Ja'Nel goes over to Red and everyone files out, Zach yelling at us about how he's a fighter from Philly. "You seen that Rocky movie, right? Well, you're looking at him!" Zach yells.
At this point I'd like to point out that Rocky lost the championship bout in Rocky. But Zach, being a fighter from Philly, probably knows that already, right?
Daniel is a writer in Newfoundland with a wife and a daughter. At this point, he feels like he could have fit in comfortably on Blue and they wouldn't have done any worse. Follow him on Twitter (@DanMacEachern) or email him at danieljdaniel@gmail.com.
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