After Ramsay dismisses the chefs, Dan practically throws out a shoulder literally patting himself on the back, since no one else seems ready to congratulate him. Zach wants to know how Dan keeps dodging bullets, and I'd like to know if he's tried actual bullets. On the Red side, Susan is apologizing to her teammates for stinking up the joint, and receives much more support in return.
The morning, Ramsay leads the cheftestants outside, telling them the ingredients they have now are the freshest they'll ever see. Which means that there's a pen full of live animals outside. Ducks, pigs, sheep, turkeys. Nedra appears terrified of the live animals, while Mary exists in a world of anthropomorphic farm creatures that play concerts at night in the barn when all the humans are asleep.
The teams have to wrestle the animals into cages, each with a starch label that will complement the protein. Nedra almost screws Red by screeching like an idiot and running away from the animals, so there's an entirely reasonable fear that Red won't get their full slate of ingredients, but she eventually shoos a turkey into the yams cage.
I briefly hope that the specific animals will be butchered right there for the challenge, but apparently the proteins and starches are already in the kitchen. Dammit.
The chefs get forty minutes to cook their dishes, much of which, I'm going to assume, Ray spent bragging about how awesome his meatballs are, and how he should open a "meatball factory."
When it comes time for judging, Ramsay announces that the guest judge was recently named the hottest chef in L.A. or something by some publication, and out comes "John Shook," chef and owner of Animal. He looks like your buddy who just got out of rehab and is starting to put his life back together, and I'm willing to bet that this "Animal" restaurant is the kind of place where the logo is very plain, the name written low-key typewriter font. [Note: Accurate! -- Rachel.] Susan knows about this guy, and says she's been trying to get to Animal for a long time.
The judging -- though not all the dishes are chosen, and Dan stews because he gets shunted to the sidelines in favor of Michael -- gets underway. Turkey first: Nedra's turkey legs with sweet potatoes and sweet potato strings. Ramsay mocks her Captain Caveman dish -- has he been to Disney World? -- but despite the fact Shook thinks it should have been cooked a little longer, he gives the point to Nedra over Ray's dry turkey meatballs.
Susan's duck breast with citrus quinoa goes up against Anthony's seared duck with jasmine rice. His dish is too crispy, and Red gets the point. Zach's lamb and roasted potatoes beats Mary's pecan-crusted lamb with couscous because hers is raw, apparently. Mary squeaks out an apology for almost killing the chef, and Zach yells, "Mary Mary quite contrary, GET IT TOGETHER WOMAN." That's not how I remember it going.
Amanda goes up against Barret. She's got seared pork with an onion ragout and cheesy gratin. Her pork is overcooked. Barret's got pan-seared pork that is glistening enough that Shook apparently doesn't even bother to try before awarding Blue the point.
Ja'Nel has made goat with a wild mushroom ragout, earning praise from both judges. So Michael's got to come up big. He's made ribs with couscous. Shook tries it, and says it's something he'd feed his dog in the backyard, it's so tough. Not a surprise, since the subplot of Dan being annoyed at Michael being chosen over him has been a thing. And naturally, Ramsay wants to taste Dan's goat dish, and he brings it over, and of course Shook says he would have picked this dish over the ribs. It's starting to look like Blue team might have to consider that Dan can be a massive tool and know how to cook.
Red's reward is a day at the Aquarium of the Pacific, where they'll feed penguins and swim with the fishes. Anthony in particular seems bummed at missing out. Ramsay tells Blue that for tomorrow night's service -- Family Night -- and they've got to put together a petting zoo. He takes great glee in telling Blue that they have to take much care in making sure the animals are as comfortable as possible.
Zach's not done with the nursery rhymes, complaining about being from Philly but now he's the farmer in the dell. "Hi-ho the derry-o, the farmer in the fuckin' dell," he says. Meanwhile, Nedra is terrified of a penguin. Yeah, they're killers, all right.
Blue make ratatouille for pigs, and Red get on the snorkels and swim with the fishes. Even the alpaca won't show Dan any respect, and eventually he stomps off, outraged beyond belief that he has to share in the punishment for a competition that he wasn't a part of, and one that they would have won had he been a part of it. "Fuck you and your fucking mother!" Dan yells at us during an interview. What did we do? His strategy now is to let the Blue team fail and just taking care of himself. I have to admit that I'm fascinated by how Dan will behave now, given that apparently up until this point he thinks he's been operating from a team-first perspective.
The morning during prep, Dan is still clearly pissed, but Michael figures that if they have a bad dinner service, they'll just lose Dan. I think that really depends on Dan not cooking well too, though, right?
Anyway, Ramsay announces that his own children are here tonight, and they'll be on the Blue side. This ruffles some feathers on the Red side, since they have clearly performed better and deserve to feed the Royal Family. They should consider the obvious benefits of not being the team that screws up the order for Ramsay's family. Then there's the montage of kids at the petting zoo and fair, looking adorable with their balloon animals. There's a kids' menu (complete with a picture of Ramsay to color in, which I'm sure all the kids must have been mad for).
The cooking gets underway, and Dan serves up a burnt Margherita pizza, and Ramsay also has to yell at him for brushing the oven in front of the pizza. Michael comes over to help, and is actually diplomatic enough about it that Dan accepts the assistance.
Over in Red, Jacqueline is dragging her arse on scallops (the kids' meals are being served alongside parents' appetizers), and when she serves them up, they're rubbery. "You've got the easiest appetizer!" Ramsay yells at her. "Fuck you, fuck you all," he adds. Happy Family Day, kids! And now, because of the scallops, cold pizza and cold fish and chips, the whole ticket has to be redone.
In the dining room, the children are getting restless, and Blue finally gets an order out, and then Red bounces back as well. Jean-Philippe charms a girl happily chowing down on her food. Then Blue starts preparing the order for Ramsay's family. There is much talk about how they're performing a symphony, which can only mean that someone's going to blow their spit valve all over the place. Sure enough, Ray somehow serves up a cold cheeseburger. "That's my family!" Ramsay yells. Seriously, Ray! These aren't emergency-room doctors or nurses or firemen! That's his family! "I wouldn't do that to your family," Ramsay says. No. I mean, he might curse them out, but at least the food would be well-cooked. Ray seems practically suicidal about it, saying he'll remember this for years, but Blue recovers, feeds Ramsay's family, and keeps going.
Red has completed their appetizers and children's meals and is moving on to entrees. Mary, nervous because of how often she's been up for eliminations, starts things off right by serving up some beautiful Wellingtons, and then Susan endears herself to me by correctly praising Mary for doing a whole 180 (instead of 360). Then someone named Gretchen Rossi, who is apparently someone on something called The Real Housewives of Orange County, is there and is impressed with the food. I'm impressed she was available!
In Blue, there's pressure on Barret to produce on meat station, but his first attempt at lamb is raw. He's not sure his quick-fix attempt worked, but takes it up to Ramsay anyway, ignoring the warnings of his teammates, and then unsurprisingly gets screamed at. His batch passes muster, thankfully.
Red's already through half of their entrees, though, so Ramsay is pressuring Blue to speed it up, but things are bottlenecking thanks to Barret.
And now Red are on their last ticket. They're really communicating well and working as a team, and they finish up easily. Ramsay praises them, and then sends them into the Blue kitchen so all the children can get fed. Or killed, as the case may be. Barret serves up some raw chicken to a table that just happens to include Chef James' pregnant wife. Even worse for Barret is that James is some sort of triple black belt in taekwondo. Ramsay doesn't want Red to help anymore; he wants Red to take over. "Y'all know I'm not enjoying this, right?" says Dan. God, shut UP, Dan! Mary's got no patience for Blue's bitching at this point, and Nedra's pleased with the way Mary has taken control. Time to bust out the "bitch" in the endearing tone of voice.
So thanks to Red, Blue finishes up their service. Barret's beating himself up over things, but it's not like Ramsay's not willing to give them shit for it. He orders them upstairs to come up with two nominees for elimination. Michael yells that he's never worked with so many amateurs in his life. This isn't something he says during a talking-head; he actually tells his team this. He might not be wrong. He singles out Ray, and Jon gets on Barret's case. Barret can't defend himself, but he can bitch about Dan, which he does, for not being a team player, and there is some support among the teammates because of the way Dan was during prep and how he blew it on the pizzas. He's still feeling like Ramsay's favorite son right now, so he's not sweating it.
Blue heads back into the dining room, where Jon tells Ramsay that Barret is the first nominee, and after the commercial break, and a bit of a pause, is Dan. Jon says Dan walked around all day with his thumb up his ass and couldn't be bothered to help his team. Well, I'm not sure it would have been very hygienic of him to help out, really. Dan says he deserves to stay because he's proven he can cook. Ramsay points out that Dan has become something of an outcast on his team, but Dan doesn't care. "I don't expect you to be best friends, but you have to work together," Ramsay reminds him.
As for Barret, Ramsay thinks he's going backwards and doesn't give a shit. Barret, naturally, disagrees.
I thought Barret would be going home after, you know, almost killing Chef James' wife and future child, but it's Dan who has to hand over his jacket, spraying insults in his exit interview. Example: "Barret, you are a weapons-grade douchebag." OK: heh. His message to Blue is to shove it up their asses. He's probably not going to get invited to any Hell's Kitchen reunions.
At the moment, Blue is too busy being dressed down for losing yet again to shove anything up their asses, and Ramsay warns them that if they don't turn things around, he'll have to start eliminating more than one at a time. Susan, who hasn't exactly lit the world on fire yet, is dreaming of an all-woman final six. Barret, meanwhile, is near tears over being told that he doesn't give a shit, what with this being his dream and all. Well, if it's your dream, maybe cook the chicken just a tad longer? I mean, I can't tell you how to live your life or anything.
"Dan was just too much of a wildcard. There's just no way I'm betting a restaurant in Vegas on him," Ramsay tells us, and he's out.
Daniel is a writer in Newfoundland with a wife and a daughter. Poor Blue. It's not fair that they keep losing just because they're raging arseholes who try to serve raw food to people. Follow him on Twitter (@DanMacEachern) or email him at danieljdaniel@gmail.com.