Ramsay boots this season's shitheads out of the dining room, with Barret castigating himself for being the chief shithead. In a talking head, he's practically in tears. His teammates don't want to hear his mewling, and attempt to shore up his confidence by telling him to sack up. And then he goes up to the bathroom and starts shaving his head. Well, that's a start. But who's going to play drums for Mötley Crüe now?
Meanwhile, Red are basking in the glow of another successful victory over the men, but also talking about how they need to not get cocky. They feel they're competing against themselves. Well, there's no way we'll have reason to revisit this scene at the end of this episode, right?
The morning, Ramsay notices Barret's lack of sideburns and is even more surprised when he removes the ball cap and is completely shorn underneath. Nedra's surprised that Barret's gone all "Britney Spears" on them. Leave Britney alone, Nedra!
Tonight is steak night, and the challenge is all about creativity, apparently, which is a nice change from conformity and raw chicken. Andi and James bring in cuts of beef. Jacqueline tells us she's slobbering "in [her] mouth," and I'd like to ask her where else she would possibly be slobbering. Since there are seven Red to six Blue, two Reds will double up on the filet, and Ramsay instructs them they'll have thirty minutes to grab their meat and enhance it, cooked to medium rare. I guarantee you none of the Blue team have ever required thirty minutes when they grab their meat, but there you have it.
The chefs get to work, with Ja'Nel expressing reservations (to us) about Mary's planned blackberry vanilla ribeye, and Anthony is working on a banana mint citrus ribcap. Jesus, it's like picking your cola flavor at movie theatre. Raspberry chipotle! Well, Ramsay is emphasizing creativity. Amanda is not as able to throw two random flavors together. Jalapeno boysenberry, Amanda! Chocolate milk poppy seed! Meanwhile, Barret appears to be masturbating his beef. And he's the one who espouses the "we're men, we eat steak" line of thinking. Again: foreshadowing alert!
Ramsay calls time on the cooking, and the teams get set to present their creations. First up, porterhouse. Cyndi vs. Jon. Wild mushroom dusted, with black garlic thyme rosemary butter from Cyndi. Ramsay praises the flavor, says she did a great job. Jon: blackberry sauce, black garlic, lavender. Ramsay says it's cooked perfectly, and is delicious. Tough call, but he gives the point to Blue.
Nedra and Susan bring up their filet, up against Zach and his Chinese and pink peppercorn with lemon zest and mustard seed... his list of ingredients grows to comical levels. Ramsay praises his perfect medium rare but asks if it's supposed to be that sweet. It is, says Zach. Nedra and Susan's raspberry chipotle filet is also cooked perfectly but doesn't taste like a Skittle. Ramsay likes both of them though, and awards points to each of them.
New York strip: Amanda's smokehouse barbecue (she forgot salt and pepper, Ramsay tells her) versus Michael's truffle-crusted. Ramsay doesn't like Amanda's, and Michael cooks his to medium. No point for either side.
Ribcap: Anthony's shallots and dried banana ("That actually works," says Ramsay, looking surprised and disgusted with himself for thinking so) against Jacqueline's black garlic, lemongrass and lemon rub. Ramsay thinks they're both great. A point apiece.
Hanger steak: Ja'Nel's Argentine chimichurri with orange versus Barret's black garlic. I'm not sure I've even heard of black garlic before tonight, and half the steak dishes have used it. Anyway, Barret overcooked his steak, and Ja'Nel gets the point, Ramsay praising her dish. The score is tied at three.
So it's down to the ribeye: "The butcher and the senior," says Ramsay. Michael notes that Ray has been doing this for longer than most of them have been alive, so hopefully he earns them the point. Ray's sauce is made with... Grand Marnier? Yep. I have to go to the closed captioning because his pronunciation seemed a little weird to me. Ramsay notes that it's not the kind of thing you usually see with a ribeye. Plus it's overcooked a little. However, Ramsay says it's nice, and he's amazed it works. He tries Mary's blackberry vanilla ribeye -- cooked perfectly, he notes -- and he likes it, but "there's a lot of blackberry in here." Too sweet versus too cooked. The point goes to...
...Mary. Red cheers, and Mary is ecstatic, partially because she beat Ray. Ramsay tells Ray that if his steak had been medium rare as requested, they would have won.
So Red's reward is a day by the pool, a 360-degree view of the city, and manicures. After a gratuitous shot of Susan getting dressed, Ramsay tells Blue that tonight is steak night, and he uses only the freshest ingredients possible: meaning a special side of beef is going to be delivered. They'll have to break it down and prep every station.
"Oooh, that's a big bitch," Zach says when they see the side of meat in the truck. They're still carrying it in when the cackling women pass by on their way to their rooftop pool. Mary the butcher is actually a little conflicted since she enjoys hacking up meat. I presume her qualms were quashed when they arrived at the pool and its gorgeous view of the city.
Back at the kitchen, the men seem kind of clueless about how to cut the side of beef, and Ray's zen "You have to listen to the carcass" advice is useless. Meanwhile, over at the pool, Nedra is getting her gnarly feet tended to. The men are still prepping when the women return, and Zach wants to "whoop their asses."
Prep done, Anthony decides it's time to shit on Barret, Michael and Ray for blowing it for them. Since none of the dudes who overcooked their meat are Dan, they're actually quite contrite about it, at least until Zach decides to run his mouth a little about how it seems like they don't want to win, and there's only so much Ray can take. Will he stab Zach to death? Tune in after the commercial!
He will not. They shake hands and make up. Ray tells us that tonight he's going to make sure that they do what they need to do. Michael and Barret are also keen to redeem themselves. It's weird to see this humility in Blue. Again, it's partly because Dan is gone. And partly because they lose all the damn time.
The teams get ready for dinner to start, and Amanda is nervous because she's not comfortable with meat temperatures, so she's going to let Jacqueline drive their station. Except Jacqueline seems a little out of her element too.
Ramsay rallies the chefs, letting them know they'll be serving prime rib tableside, Susan doing it for Red and Zach for Blue. Ramsay wants them to be in sync (and he's not talking about the [bleep] boy band that hasn't existed for years, either. Everyone laughs).
Jean-Philippe opens the kitchen, and it appears this show isn't even trying to get D-list celebrities anymore.
Blue gets off to a bad start when Barret erroneously starts frying up crab cakes when he's not supposed to, and in Red, Mary doesn't hear Ramsay order a slider (still one of the grossest names for a food I can think of). She eventually gets the sliders out -- except one of them has a hair in it, discovered by the diner. Ramsay brings it back to the kitchen. He orders them to refire but isn't quite as screamy about it as you'd think he would be. In fairness, not all of the sliders had hairs in them!
Meanwhile, the men are almost done with appetizers, but Barret is responsible for garnish and he can't seem to handle the French fries. He's dying. Ramsay yells at him for not adding the salad to the crab cake like he's supposed to. He seems to get it together, though, even if he's feeling like he's been hit by an eighteen-wheeler.
Mary's working her ass off, hoping her sliders have less hair than attempts, and seems to be successful so far. Red moves on to entrees, but Jacqueline stops cooking meat for some reason, waiting for Susan to serve prime rib tableside. Ramsay's got no time for that, and huddles them all together and screams at them to give him their best, or they might as well go home.
Over in Blue, Ramsay is yelling at Ray and ordering him to have to more "senior moments" tonight. Ray is, what, five years older than Ramsay? "I think he likes me, to be honest with you," Ray tells us, also pointing out that they're pretty close to the same age. Then Ray serves up some raw New York. "Do we have any fight left?" Ramsay yells. Michael's going to cook now, but they're going to have to refire the whole order since the New York will be another three and a half minutes here. Anthony complains that because of the meat station they're drowning, only he pronounces it "drownding," so fuck Anthony.
Red's not doing much better. They seem uncoordinated and uncommunicative. Then they serve up raw filets. "The easiest to cook. The most glamorous. The most in-demand. Cold and raw," Ramsay announces. Mary blames Amanda, Amanda blames Jacqueline, Jacqueline blames Amanda. Nedra starts snapping at her teammates. Ramsay tells Ja'Nel to tell the "three blind nice" that three women cooking the same steak is a recipe for danger. And then they serve up more raw meat. "Now they're taking the piss," he mutters. He brings it back from the pass, starts pounding the counter, and he winds up kicking out Cyndi, Jacqueline, Amanda and Nedra. Cyndi doesn't even know what the hell she's being kicked out for.
So Ja'Nel and Mary have to get to work, and Susan comes back in from the dining room to get to work in the kitchen. In the dorms, Amanda seems to be the only one willing to accept blame for the poor performance, although she's not got a lot of time for Nedra getting on Jacqueline's case since Jacqueline was supposed to drive the station. There is much screaming and cursing.
In Blue, Ray brings up some steaks that cause Ramsay to sigh... with relief, as he sends them out to their destination. And both Blue and Red finish dinner service. Ramsay informs Blue that they won, but not to get overexcited. Obviously, with their slow start, Blue's lucky that Red just sucked more tonight.
Ramsay reads Red the riot act, accusing them of letting their success go to their heads. He orders them to pick two people for elimination. And the fighting begins: Nedra's back on accusing Jacqueline of not driving her stations enough. Amanda tells them to stop blaming Jacqueline because she's the one who fucked up the filet. She, however, doesn't think she deserves to go home based on tonight's performance alone. Jacqueline, looking to spread the blame, reminds everyone of Mary's hairy slider.
Red comes back into the dining room, where Ramsay reminds them how embarrassing their performance was tonight. The first nominee is Amanda, since that wasn't in doubt, and on the other side of the commercial break, we learn that Jacqueline is the second nominee. "She drove right into an accident, yeah," agrees Ramsay. He calls the two nominees forward.
He asks Jacqueline -- informing her it was her worst performance so far -- why she should stay in Hell's Kitchen. She says she thinks she's better than Amanda, and stays calm, cool and collected. "I can temp meat, chef," she says. Ramsay points out that she then knew the steaks were raw and sent them anyway.
As for Amanda, she says she's passionate about this, and until tonight has been nothing but an asset. "You disintegrated like a little mouse," says Ramsay. She apologizes for letting him down on the meat station. Then he calls her forward, just to send her back in line and take Jacqueline's jacket instead.
She tells us he's making a huge mistake. "I don't need some guy who screams at me to tell me I'm a good chef," she says. Well, you're on a show in which the bloody point is to get a guy who screams at you to tell you you're a good chef, so shut up, Jacqueline.
Ramsay tells the survivors that he hopes this isn't the beginning of a trend. Amanda's all "tomorrow is going to be a whole different story" and Nedra wants homegirl to "watch out." Then Zach yells at us a bit.
"Jacqueline talked a good game, but unfortunately for her, I need someone who can deliver," says Ramsay. It's sad when an exiting contestant is so unmemorable that Ramsay can't come up with a pun or anything.
Daniel is a writer in Newfoundland with a wife and a daughter. Steak my breath awaaaaayyyy. Steak it or leave it. He could do this literally all night. It steaks a nation of millions to hold us back. OK, he's done. On this show, that's as rare as unicorns. Follow him on Twitter (@DanMacEachern) or email him at danieljdaniel@gmail.com.