Big thanks to Montykins for covering for me while I was A) celebrating a birthday and B) recuperating from The Bachelorette season finale and Bachelor Pad season premiere. Montykins, here's your black jacket. Now, back in line!
We're down to the top six cheftestants and they still can't complete a dinner service?
In the aftermath of the Southern cuisine debacle, Robyn is in near tears over her near-ouster, while Dana's bemoaning the fact they're down to three to Blue's four. She figures a two-person team is better than a three-person with Barbie on it. The editing makes it look like Barbie is making psycho faces at her teammates again, but I'm sure that's some editing shenanigans.
The morning's challenge is a communication relay: One chef in the kitchen at a time, cooking for five minutes at a stretch and then relaying the status of dishes to the team member relieving them.
First up are Justin and Dana, cooking risotto, lamb and cod -- chosen because they have wildly varying cooking times and techniques. The chefs get to work, and before you know it, Clemenza and Christina are spelling them off (with only fifteen seconds to "download," according to the narrator). Clemenza appears to spend half his time trying to tie his apron, and then Barbie and Brian are in the kitchen. Then Robyn -- who burns some cod -- and Dana who seems frantic and doesn't appear to accomplish a whole lot from Barbie's perspective, although Barbie takes four hours to clean a sinkful of oysters.
Justin, spelling off Robyn, thinks she's pretty useless at communication, and Christina likewise isn't impressed with the lack of organization in their kitchen.
Final round is Clemenza and Barbie to finish things off. Clemenza suddenly stops speaking English because he doesn't understand the instructions from Justin. Barbie calls the kitchen a hot mess. They plate their team's dishes, and we go to commercial assuming the dishes are either raw or burned or some unholy combination of the two.
Clemenza calls his ten minutes total cooking time "a lot harder than it looks." I guess it would have to be, because it doesn't look that hard at all. But obviously the communication skills is what made this tricky, reflected in the risotto. Neither chef who started that dish realized the prepped stuff was raw at first, and the end product isn't too inspiring. Both look like plates of risotto that's already made a trip down someone's esophagus and back up again. Red's is burnt, and Blue's is crunchy, so neither gets a point. "Are you kidding me?" says Ramsay, like even he can't believe he didn't award a point.
The cod's : Blue's is missing broth, and Red's is raw. Again, no point. Barbie blames Christina. Again, no points awarded.
Clemenza's got high hopes for the lamb, which is "basically cooked," he says, a ringing endorsement if there ever was one. I'd like that to be in waiters' vocabularies. "How's the salmon tonight?" "Basically cooked." Ramsay has to spit out Blue's cod, because the sauce is disgusting, and tastes like a gas station.
So Dana shouts at us -- why does she always shout at us during her talking heads? -- that they've got this one, but Ramsay points out Red's looked like it wasn't sliced but chewed. And he also has to spit theirs out.
Bottom line: no points, no winner, no helicopter ride to the beach in Malibu, because for the first time, Ramsay can't pick a winner. Dana shouts at us that they're making history but for all the wrong reasons.
Ramsay outlines the punishments: cleaning (including the Hell's Kitchen SUVs and front entrance) and prep for tonight's service, and Ramsay warns that he won't wait until the end of service to get rid of dead weight.
So the cleanup begins (the red convertible that would have been their transportation parked there, mocking them), with Robyn arguing with her team on how best to clean the SUVs and really getting under their skin.
When they're done -- we're not witness to much conflict beyond Robyn, but it's hard to get any video for any amount of time without Robyn opening her yap to the annoyance of someone -- they had into the kitchen where Ramsay stresses the importance of bouncing back for a better service, and brings out a domed dish for inspiration, the revelation of which will be on the other side of the commercial. Brian says he smells mint, but Ramsay's like "It's not mint, you fuckwit." He lifts the lid. It's the coveted black jacket. That's what they're cooking for tonight. How about that mint smell, Brian?
Dinner service begins. Clemenza dreams of slopping sauce all over a black jacket instead of his blue one, and despite his initial nervous lack of communication, he rocks the pasta appetizers. Meanwhile, Christina dishes up a delicious risotto, and the only complaint is that she served too much of it. Then she mixes some of the leftover with a new one, until he calls her on it. She apologizes on it, chalks it up to not wanting to waste it, and tells us it's one of the things you do in kitchens that don't have the same standards as Ramsay's.
Then Clemenza gets an order for five risotto appetizers. Justin offers to help, and Clemenza refuses it, and since we're watching what's happening, we know it's going to be a problem.
Sure enough, he serves it up in three different pans, with varying shades of risotto. Clemenza yells at the rest of Blue to yell at Clemenza that he should have served the risottos up all in one pan.
Similarly, Barbie is obsequiously providing some unwanted help to Christina on her risotto, annoying Christina, who then serves up some burnt risotto to Ramsay, who screams that she's out of control. At least Barbie gets to be all, "I told you so," but Christina bounces back and her order is great. Clemenza has also delivered five fine appetizers, and now it's Brian's turn to fuck up, which he does immediately, on some meat entrees. His having to refire all of it means Robyn's garnish is just sitting there, and then to Ramsay's horror she holds it by putting it (including spinach) into the oven, and she blames her teammates for telling her to do so, and all of them deny having said that. This is usually the part where contradictory video evidence would surface, and since it doesn't, I think it's fair to say it didn't happen. That doesn't stop Robyn from yelling at them and telling them how the Red team does things. You can imagine how much of a fuck the rest of Blue gives about that.
Ramsay stands there, hands on hips, in the back of the kitchen. Then he drops to his haunches, rubbing his face with his hands, while Blue bickers and circles the drain.
After a commercial break, Justin wrestles the team back in control and starts coordinating the dishes, What he doesn't do is refire fresh bass to go with the fresh New York strips Brian put down, and Ramsay tears him a few new orifices over it. Robyn's not so concerned about her team's misfortunate that she can stop smiling about it.
Red's diners, however, are getting delicious food on schedule, with Barbie earning kudos from Ramsay on her Wellingtons. So he nitpicks with Dana over cooking three bass in one pan instead of one each in three smaller pans. She says it's the same thing. It isn't, but at least she's got the good sense not to disagree with Ramsay to his face.
Red's in a great mood as they shift into desserts. The departure of Tiffany and Kimmie over the last couple of episodes has REALLY improved the general mood in Red, hasn't it? They're high-fiving, braiding each other's hair, standing up for each other at weddings. It's beautiful to see.
But Blue's disintegrating, and their diners are starting to walk out. Don't go! You're going to pass up these overcooked Wellingtons! Ramsay, who has taken to calling Brian "Comedian" (which I approve of), calls reinforcements in to the Blue meat station in the form of Barbie, who comes over to teach Brian a lesson in humility (and Wellington doneness). "I'm fucking furious. You've gotta be kidding me," says Brian. He feels like a "castrated dog," he says. Barbie relishes the chance to take over, and yells at Brian that he can't put that much meat in one prep. Brian bites his tongue, but he's visibly frustrated at being demoted. And Barbie serves up perfect Wellingtons. Brian mimes hanging himself, but if he did it for real, the Blue diners might actually get to eat before midnight. It's at the point where Blue diners (those who have stayed) express surprise when their food finally arrives and toast "finally being fed."
When the service is done, Ramsay takes the black jackets over to Red kitchen, where they squeal and hop up and down. It's nice to watch people enjoying themselves instead of miserable losers.
Speaking of miserable losers, Robyn is grouching that maybe she should have stayed on Red, not realizing that had she done so, I think that would have improved Blue's odds immensely.
Ramsay comes back to Blue to lecture them (over the celebration and champagne of the black jacket-clad formerly Red team). He tells them to think of which two don't deserve a black jacket. And he can think of four easily, he says. But there are only four people on the team -- ohhhhh.
In the dorms, Robyn starts off: "Justin, you're a liar." And Robyn, you're 13 years old. Justin says things are getting ugly pretty fast, and sure enough we're right into a shouting match between Robyn and Brian, which is like Alien vs. Predator only far less enjoyable. She says she deserves a black jacket, while Justin and Brian disagree. Clemenza stays silent, but after the team votes, they've only agreed that Robyn's going up. There's a two-way tie between Clemenza and Brian for the other nomination. Given Barbie had to come in to save Brian's ass, I can't see how he's not the nomination, but clearly he doesn't want to give up that black jacket tonight.
Blue files back into the dining room. Formerly Red, now Black, are seated to the side, and someone whispers "good luck, guys" and they blow kisses. Clemenza makes the sign of the cross.
Ramsay shakes his head, and asks Clemenza for the nominees: Robyn is first, obviously. As for the second, he says they couldn't decide between himself and Brian. "So you failed at dinner service, and you failed at the assignment now," he says. JESUS, you Blue idiots! Ramsay orders all four of them to step forward.
"Unbelievable. One simple task, and we couldn't even agree on that," he says.
Robyn: She says she has passion and drive, and on redemption night, she proved she deserves to be here.
Brian: He's got heart and soul and he's capable.
Clemenza: He's a team player, he's given 100 percent, and he's learned from his mistakes.
Justin: He's never been so focused and he's pushed himself to levels he's never had to go to before.
Ramsay's decision: Clemenza, who is ordered to take off his jacket, and when Justin gets the same order, you know they're getting black ones, although Ramsay makes sure to clarify that they sure didn't earn them with tonight's service but on their total performance.
So it's properly down to Robyn and Brian. They both take off their blue jackets. "This by far is my most difficult decision," he says, then tells Robyn that her time in Hell's Kitchen ... (the pause gives it away) continues. He gives her the sole remaining black jacket. Clemenza looks stunned. Ramsay shakes Brian's hand, and he leaves, to applause from the survivors. "I think I had a shot at winning. I really do," he says, adding that it's difficult to lose it at this point.
Ramsay makes it clear to Robyn that he has reservations, and warns her to not make him regret his decision (that decision being to keep one of the remaining sources of conflict and discord). She promises him he won't, and he dismisses them. And then Robyn, to us, starts railing about all the haters. Clemenza says he's pumped up like Arnold Schwarzenegger. I can see a few differences.
"Brian had a lot of energy, and he was a funny guy, but after tonight's performance, I wasn't laughing. And that's why he had to leave Hell's Kitchen," Ramsay tells us, and we're out.
Daniel is a writer in Newfoundland with a wife and a daughter. It figures that on the two episodes he misses, Tiffany and Kimmie are eliminated, but when he comes back, Robyn stays. Come back, Montykins! Follow him on Twitter (@DanMacEachern) or email him at danieljdaniel[at]gmail.com.