Previously on Hell's Kitchen: the whole season! Also the six seasons, I guess.
Gordon Ramsay's Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 2
Contestants' Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 29
It's hard to tell when the Previouslies are technically over. A lot of time is spent reminding us who Jay and Holli are, and that they've been caught canoodling on camera. But it's not really new content, so I don't feel any particular urge to recap it. The actual episode starts with Gordon telling Holli and Jay to go upstairs and start thinking about their menus.
Both of them assure us that they intend to win. Then they go upstairs and hug. We fade out on vaguely pornographic music. Moving on to the day, Holli and Jay prep in their individual kitchens. Jay's in the blue kitchen and Holli's in red, because Gordon Ramsay refuses to let go of the division-by-sexes thing on this show. Can you guess which of them has the male sous chef and which has the woman? Hey, you were right!
Holli explains that the inspiration for her menu was French. And California. Sous Chef Andi tells the two contestants to go upstairs and dress nicely, because the limo will be there soon. There's yet another shot of Holli in her bra. The limo arrives and whisks them off to Gordon's confusingly-named restaurant "The London West Hollywood." The Savoy is still under construction, so they have to go here. He takes them to the rooftop pool, where there's a view of a giant sign congratulating them. And there's also a big crowd of extras cheering them. One of them yells "Holli, you're smokin' hot, baby!"
It's final challenge time! Each of them will have one hour to cook five dishes, and then they'll be judged by five of Gordon's executive chefs. And it will come down to the last dish, although Gordon doesn't mention that part. Jay refers to the judges as "the head chefs of Europe," which is a phrasing that suggests to me that he has once seen a movie starring George Segal. As they cook, they're shown on the big projection screens outside, and the crowd cheers fervently for one or the other of them. It's super-fake. Although I'm willing to believe that the images really were projected on those screens.
The first of the five executive chefs to judge a dish (and I'll just spoil the drama by revealing that none of them is a season's winner) is James Durrant of Maze. He's doing the amuse bouche. Holli presents a virgin Bloody Mary with a worcestershire foam. He likes it! Jay has a cold shot of tomato water. Jay wins!
For cold appetizers, we now have Diego Cardoso from Murano. Holli has several types of stuffed caviar, while Jay has a grilled lamb loin. Diego selects Holli, and we're tied up 1-1.
Hot appetizers! Clare Smyth is head chef at the tastefully named Gordon Ramsay at Royal Hospital Road. Holli has foie gras, and Jay has bacon-wrapped scallops. Holli wins and leads 2-1.
Steve Allen (not the guy from television) is from Gordon Ramsay at Claridge's and will now judge the fish course. Holli has five-spiced tuna, and Jay has arctic char. The challenge would be over if Holli won, so obviously he picks Jay. We're tied 2-2 and we go to the final dish, just like we always do.
Meat entree! It will be judged by Stuart Gillies, who is billed as "Patron Chef" at Savoy Grill. Note that the Savoy Grill is the alleged prize this season. So a "patron chef" is clearly above the "head chef" job they're trying to win. Anyway, Holli serves up a wagyu filet and Jay has a grilled Kobe strip. They're both delicious and Stuart pretends he can't decide. Gordon makes him decide and the crowd shouts for whichever cook their segment was previously directed to shout for. I mean, they haven't even tried to justify how these people have decided on their passionate preference.
Stuart picks Jay, which makes Jay happy. I can understand that. Holli tries to assure us that all that matters is the last service.
This season, there is no wacky reveal of the previously-eliminated goons. Instead, Siobhan, Fran, Nilka, Jason, Benjamin and Autumn just walk into the kitchen. Gordon is positively giddy about the idea of losers coming back onto the show. This is because he is somehow not as sick of Benjamin as I am. The chefs will be returning to the dorms, which bums Jay out, because he thought he would get sexytimes with Holli. I'm sure Ben is wondering why he had to pack all his stuff up yesterday. I mean, I don't like the guy, but it still seems like a lot of extra work. Gordon makes some unconvincing chit-chat with the returned losers, and then it's time for the picking.
Jay picks Benjamin, which leads to Ben doing his usual bragging in an interview. Holli picks Autumn, and both of those picks seem fine to me. Jay grabs Jason, Holli takes Nilka, and we're down to Fran and Siobhan. Jay picks Fran, which means that Holli gets Siobhan. Siobhan rants about the disrespect that Ben showed her sandwich that one time. I was on her side on that, but I stopped caring when she left.
In the patio, Holli shows her team (Autumn, Nilka, Siobhan) her menu and assigns prep tasks. Siobhan has not cooked foie gras before, and Autumn offers to help her. Autumn interviews that she's going to have to work "fish and garnish and also cover hot and cold apps to help out Siobhan." That seems like a lot of work.
Up in the dorms, Ben shows his team -- wait, I have that wrong. It is, of course, Jay's team. It only felt like Ben's because he's the one writing on the giant notepad and doing all the talking. Okay, so Jay's team is Ben, Jason and Fran. I think Fran looks a little thrown by the menu. Jay's team is confident.
Overnight, the dining room gets turned into the half-and-half thing they do for the finale. Then it's time for prep! Holli is frustrated by Siobhan's slowness, and Autumn tells us that Siobhan doesn't have the training for fine dining. I had hoped that by THE FINALE we would have been past the point of dealing with people who aren't trained for this. At this point in the season, I'm supposed to be watching with open-mouthed awe at the amazing work of these remarkable chefs. Anyway, everyone watches Siobhan's chopping technique with horror and Sous Chef Andi goes over to show her what to do.
In Jay's kitchen, Fran expresses concern that Benjamin might be taking on too many of the responsibilities. And it does look like he's doing a lot of the prep himself. Sous Chef Andi pulls Jay and Holli out of prep to go upstairs and talk to Gordon. They're both panicked about what horrible things could be about to happen. I like that on this show, people anticipate horrible swerves. On Top Chef, they always seem so shocked when the rules change. Anyway, here are some things that Gordon might be about to tell them. He might say, "You're switching menus and teams." He might say, "Whoever loses will be killed and barbecued by the winner." He might say "[Bleep]." Or he might just wish them good luck and give them their Head Chef jackets. Let's find out!
In fact, he tells them both that they're going to Australia. What? Well, that was not on my list. They're not going right now, though. For now, he wishes them good luck and gives them their Head Chef jackets. Shocking!
Jay is confident because he has not-Siobhan on his side. Holli describes herself as "scary confident" and her team does a Team Fistbump. Holli warns them that she'll probably be a bitch tonight. Good to know!
Jay's mother and stepfather are on his side of the dining room. Holli's side contains her son and friend-who-is-the-son's-father. JP brings the first orders in. Holli stumbles a bit on calling it out, but Jay is very clear. Jay's good at that. Siobhan is slow on Holli's amuse bouches and has to remake one. Holli is a little worried about that.
Fran burns some scallops and explains to Jay that the oil got too hot too fast. Oh, dear. And on Holli's side, Siobhan misses the veg for some lobster, which means that Autumn feels the need to take over, but she doesn't know what's on order. It's kind of a mess. Jay gets his first table out and tells his team they're doing well. He tells us that it's stressful having Gordon Ramsay prowling around your kitchen. I bet it is!
Nilka is heard muttering "I hope this brioche is good," which is a bad sign. And the brioche gets rejected by Holli, which I think is actually going to be a mark in her favor in Ramsay's eyes. She can't control how Nilka cooks, but she can control what she sends out. Her kid appears to enjoy the food.
Jay catches some raw lamb from Jason and sends it back with a few [bleep]s. The replacement lamb is still raw and now even Gordon is getting frustrated with Jason. Incidentally, if you've ever wondered, I call him "Gordon" on the challenge rewards, "Chef Ramsay" when he's running the dinner service, and "Ramsay" or "Gordon Ramsay" at other times. Right now, he's not in charge of the kitchen, so I'm just calling him Gordon. We've been together for three and a half seasons, so I think I've earned the right to be a little casual with him.
So now there's a table out there with three people eating and one person waiting for his lamb. But Jason eventually gets it right. Holli, meanwhile, moves on to entrees. And the drama will be coming from Nilka, who has never cooked venison. She brings up some meat to the pass and Holli rejects it immediately, asking Nilka if she even looked at it. Apparently it looks like venison jerky, which sounds pretty tasty to me. Nilka gets a little frustrated when both Holli and Gordon get on her case.
Jay gets some food returned for being tough and he tells Jason to try slicing the steaks a little thinner. Jason gets behind a little, so Jay decides to try something not in the Gordon Ramsay Playbook. Explaining to us that Jason doesn't react well to yelling, Jay talks soothingly to Jason, telling him to calm down. Gordon looks a little disgusted, but it's not clear if he's mad at Jay for being nice or Jason for screwing up.
At this juncture, Benjamin decides to get some more screen time. He starts calling out the orders and generally acting like a sous chef. Jay appreciates it. Holli praises Nilka's venison, but Autumn is overloaded and doesn't have the garnish. Holli says for someone to help Autumn out, but Autumn insists she doesn't need help. So where's the garnish? Autumn does not have an answer, but insists (repeatedly) that no one on the team but her knows what they're doing. That's great, but then where's the garnish?
The problem, in Holli's opinion, is that Autumn has twelve pans going at once. But Autumn thinks she's the only one who -- oh, that was all a red herring. Suddenly we have only three tickets to go. Holli has to reject some tuna for being cold in the center, which means that Jay finishes first. Jay and Holli's tables stop by to congratulate them and we're done with service!
Lined up in the kitchen, Holli and Jay thank their teams. Gordon sends them upstairs to relax while he reads customer comments. They sit on the couch and smoke while they reflect on how rough the last day and week have been. Jay is starting to panic, so Holli recommends some wine. He downs the glass.
Jay and Holli walk into Gordon's office. From a direction where we've never been shown a door. Oh, it's because normally they approach from the dining room, but that's all loaded with people right now. And they had to rig the doors for the reveal. Still, I find it jarring when they just stroll on from offstage like that.
Gordon Ramsay tells both Holli and Jay that he's very proud of them. He stands them in front of the two doors. As usual, the chef whose door opens will be the winner of Hell's Kitchen.
Gordon says to open the doors on the count of three. Now, normally when you do something "on the count of three," you count to three at a steady pace. That's why you do it; so that people know when to push or whatever. This time, though, it's "1 (beat) 2 (beat beat beat) 3" and then a commercial break. And then they do it again with more beats between two and three. And then Holli wins. Congraulations, Holli!
Much of the crowd is happy for Holli. Except for Jason, who is shocked. Holli tells us that she's glad to win, but would have been happy for Jay if he won. Jay is unhappy to lose but is happy for Jay. Holli's kid is delighted for her. Cute kid.
Gordon tells us that Holli won because she grew during the competition. Then he sprays champagne all over the crowd. And an unhappy JP. Ben finds it in him to hug Holli and congratulate her. So does Jason.
Check out the episode below, discuss it in our forums and check out our recaps of Gordon's Masterchef!
Want to immediately access TWoP content no matter where you are online? Download the free TWoP toolbar for your web browser. Already have a customized toolbar? Then just add our free toolbar app to get updated on our content as soon it's published.
You can email Monty at montykins@gmail.com if that's your idea of a good time.