We're down to our top four! The best four chefs they could find! And that's somehow Holli, Jay, Autumn and Benjamin. Go figure. And we've also finally reached the day MasterChef is debuting, so we don't have two episodes tonight. Only one hour of Hell's Kitchen? I could do that in my sleep! And if things don't start picking up, I just might.
Gordon Ramsay's Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 31
Contestants' Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 25
Crazy "Gotcha!" Swerves at the End of the Episode: 2
Coming out of the kitchen, I think Autumn tells Ben she's glad he's still there. It's either her or Holli. When Jay and Ben hit the patio, they take a moment to say that they like Jason, but that he's not as passionate as them. And then they resolve to beat the ladies. To make them look silly. Ben is confident that he's the best cook left. We'll see.
Roll call. Gordon Ramsay tells the chefs that he'll be cooking for them. As he says this, the picture suddenly switches from widescreen to 4:3. That's weird. Then there's an echo as it cuts back to normal. I'm sorry to dwell on a random technical glitch, but it's more interesting to me than someone undercooking risotto or overcooking scallops. Anyway! Gordon shows them a big monkfish, which he proceeds to skin and fillet before frying. Everyone's watching carefully, because they know there's a pretty good chance they'll have to recreate it. And they also dutifully suck up to Gordon Ramsay, telling him how great the dish looks.
Sure enough, it is a dish recreation challenge. But! Instead of cooking it themselves, they'll have to teach some bachelors with no cooking experience. Jay points out that Ben is a culinary instructor, which seems like the ideal background. Also, Jay is sad that the bachelors are cool dudes instead of hot chicks. Holli doesn't mind the dudes.
Everyone splits up. It turns out that barking "grab that and take it to your station" doesn't work when you're talking to people who don't know where their stations are. That's not really the bachelors' fault, though. Holli's guy puts a pepper on the grill, but the grill isn't on. Jay's guy has trouble opening the knife case, and Jay takes some time in an interview to sneer about the guy having a diamond in his ear. I may not have mentioned it, but Jay has blue hair. I have no objection to blue hair personally, but I do think it means you don't get to mock other people's sartorial affectations. Holli's guy is grossed out by the raw fish, so she flirts with him to get him to shut up and do it.
Autumn interviews about how great she is at teaching. In real time, we see her airily tell her bachelor to "watch the fish" while she goes back to the pantry. He does, but he doesn't know what he's watching for. Benjamin's guy has a lot of questions about where monkfish comes from and what pancetta is, and Benjamin handles them all pretty well. Although "Should I have washed my hands?" comes pretty close to getting him to yell at the guy, I think. Autumn's guy does some poor slicing. And we're done!
Tasting time. Autumn and some guy named Neil come up. Gordon dares Neil to describe the dish and ingredients, and he's quickly reduced to saying things like "small pea-looking things." The vegetables taste good, but there's not much monkfish there. Jay and Rick have very good presentation. Rick accurately describes the dish, presumably because he saw Neil have to do the same thing. Gordon nitpicks a little, saying that it could have maybe a little less vinegar in the salad.
Benjamin and Steve don't do as well with the dish description, plus their peppers are raw and pancetta is overdone. At Gordon's prompting, Steve says that Ben didn't teach him very well. Ben is, of course, cranky about this. Holli and Chris come up. Chris dries up on the description, so he says it's "monkfish... made with love." Then when Gordon savors the food, Chris says, "Take your time." He's sassy, that one. All the chefs panic a little at the idea of someone giving Gordon Ramsay the business. I think what happened is that Holli's flirtation relaxed Chris to where he felt comfortable joking around a little.
The winners are Jay and Rick, who are pleased. The bachelors each get a copy of Gordon's latest book and are told to [bleep] off. The losers will be fixing various tables and chairs that have started to fall apart around the dining room as well as changing light bulbs, sweeping up the parking lot, and prepping for the night's service. Meanwhile, Jay get's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to... do something. Before finding out, he chooses Holli. Which is fair, since she probably came second and also brought him along on her reward last episode. Autumn and Ben are given goofy overalls, and Jay starts panicking about whether he's offended Ben by not bringing him. In an interview, Ben doesn't seem that broken up about it. Although he does imply that Holli will be having sex with Jay.
Holli and Jay go off on their mystery tour. And they arrive at the Goodyear Blimp! Oh, man. My girlfriend is going to freak out when she sees this. She loves airships. And off they go! Meanwhile, Benjamin is whining about how much he hates Autumn. I guess he hates the punishment, too, but he's specifically complaining about Autumn. Meanwhile: the blimp ride continues! They do arrange one shot where the blimp can be seen in the background of a Hell's Kitchen exterior shot. JP, Autumn, and Benjamin watch it go past and read the LED message scrolling past on the side: "Losers, hope you're enjoying your punishment." That's pretty cute, actually. Benjamin speculates on whether they're joining the Mile High club, but admits that it probably isn't that high up. Good reward, boring punishment.
Half hour to go until service. Benjamin and Autumn are prepping as Holli and Jay stroll in. There appears to be some tension, although most of it comes in the form of Benjamin interviewing about how he thinks Holli has been lucky to get this far. He's got a pretty big mouth for someone who's been thrown out of the kitchen. Gordon Ramsay comes in and claims that he's expecting the night to go perfectly. Really? That seems optimistic. And he's also going to do something he's never done before in Hell's Kitchen, which happens with monotonous regularity. This time, the never-before-done gimmick is to let the chefs decide who will be on which station. Incidentally, the four real stations are Appetizer, Garnish, Fish, and Meat. Whenever there are more than four chefs in a kitchen on this show, people are either doubling up on stations or being stuck on things like "Dessert".
Okay, it's negotiation time! It is not particularly contentious, as Holli volunteers for fish, then Autumn takes garnish, Jay takes appetizers, and Ben takes meat. There were pauses before each of those, so it looks like everyone's okay with the choices. Of course, at this point in the season, everyone should be at least competent on all of the stations. Jay is confident in everyone's station. And we go!
The first table comes in and everyone forgets to shout "Yes, chef!" This prompts a rant about communication and energy and all that. Ignoring the stations, Autumn grabs a pan of John Dory off of Holli's station and brings it up to the pass. One of the pieces is raw. Chef Ramsay demands to know who decided they were ready, and Autumn says nothing. When the question gets repeated, Holli tells him it was Autumn. Jay's first risotto is insufficiently seasoned, and when he gets it back he oversalts it. But this time he catches it himself and tells Chef Ramsay that the replacement risotto will take a few minutes. Chef Ramsay appreciates being told this, since normally people on this show just bring lousy food up to the pass and rely on him to tell them if it's not good enough.
Holli has some correctly cooked scallops. She points out in an interview that in normal kitchens, people don't yell compliments at you. Jay's got some good risotto. Things go well for a bit until Holli has some undercooked John Dory. Ben is gleeful about her problems. During the refire, Chef Ramsay shouts at her for a bit. Jay brings up some potatoes that are not currently needed, and Chef Ramsay accuses him of being disorganized. He explains to us that he got ahead of himself by one ticket.
More orders are called out, to which Ben says "Oui, chef!" I don't think he's kidding, either; he appears to have just automatically answered in French. No big deal is made out of it. I just thought it was neat. He's got two duck and two beef to make, which he has to sync up with Holli's two Dory. But he won't answer her when she asks how long it will be! She asks four times how long it will be, and he doesn't answer. Finally, Chef Ramsay shouts at him, "Benjamin, talk to your brigade!" And he gives a distinctly unsatisfactory answer: "What's that order, Chef? I'm sorry." Oh dear. Someone (I think Autumn) tells him he's on the hook for two duck, two beef. He answers, "Two duck, two beef?" But he doesn't say how long! Chef Ramsay shouts at him repeatedly to talk to his team, while Holli asks how long the two duck and two beef will be. Benjamin says nothing, which I think is a mistake.
Benjamin is still rushing around cooking stuff, but he's not talking to anyone. Autumn brings up some garnish, but it's cold. And so is the replacement garnish. Make a note: Chef Ramsay does not like his spinach cold. Holli is a little slow with some John Dory, so Chef Ramsay comes over and micromanages her, making sure there's enough oil in the pan and adding salt. You know, that sort of thing. We punctuate with yet another clip of Benjamin insulting Holli's cooking skills. I think the problem might be that Benjamin just sat there for hours, trashing both Autumn and Holli, which means that his interviews are useful for spackling together an episode.
JP comes out to a table in the dining room and stalls. Meanwhile, back in the kitchen (the part of the show that matters), Chef Ramsay catches Autumn not listening to an order being called out. She guesses what it was, but is not successful. And over on the meat station, Ben's beef wellington is falling apart because he's using the wrong knife. And it's not cooked enough, which does not please Chef Ramsay. When Ben puts it back in the convection oven, Jay looks over his shoulder and helps him out. Then Ben goes off to do something and has Jay check on his steaks. Jay reports that they are currently rare, not medium rare.
Things start to sound good, with people calling out how long their food is going to be and what the tickets are and all that. Chef Ramsay loves hearing things like "How long you got? Two minutes?" "Two minutes!" And that seems to translate into food going out to the customers. And none of it comes back, which Chef Ramsay claims is the first time ever. That can't be right, can it?
They get to the last ticket as triumphant music swells. Chef Ramsay distributes high fives. Jay interviews that he thinks he did a good job but that anyone could go home.
After the service, Chef Ramsay tells them they did a good job, but that he's not looking for four chefs. Jay is singled out for praise and is told to go upstairs and decide on two nominees. Out of the three choices. Everyone tells him they don't want to go home, which is logical but unhelpful. He tells Autumn she's his first choice. Ben brags about how great he is, although Autumn thinks Holli has done better in challenges and in the kitchen than Ben. Jay asks for them to tell him what to do, and Holli tells him it's his choice. Seriously, quit being a baby and pick someone. You're supposed to want to beat all of them, remember?
Okay, down to the dining room. Jay's first nominee is Autumn for having "some rough services". The second nominee is Ben, which he says before the usual time-filling commercial break. He explains it in terms of not picking Holli because she hasn't had bad services. Whatever, dude. Benjamin and Autumn step forward.
Ben, why should you stay? "Because of my experience and my passion." Autumn? "I have been called a princess." She means that in a bad way, because people have accused her of not having passion. Chef Ramsay's decision happens after the commercial. He eventually announces, "My decision is... Autumn!" Everyone waits to see if there's a twist. After a while, Autumn steps forward sadly. "...Get yourself back in line!" Listen, if no one bites, you have to eventually just say it. It's not fair to wait forever, make her step forward, and then pretend you were just taking a little break in the middle of the sentence. Anyway, we're not done. "Benjamin." Ben starts to step forward. "It's gonna be really hard for me to say this to you. Take... yourself back in line." These mid-sentence swerves are stupid. They don't build drama. They're not even grammatically correct.
Finally, Gordon announces that he can't do it and that none of them deserve to go home. He brings in Autumn's boyfriend and her best friend. And Jay's mother and stepfather. Holli's four-year-old son and his father. And Benjamin's wife and one-year-old daughter. Everyone gets to sit down and be happy with their families.
Autumn complains to her friends about how everyone's so intimidated by him. Benjamin likes his child and claims to be thinking of her all the time that he's not cooking. Not according to his interviews, which are mostly about how great he is. Jay and Holli also do the hugging and crying you'd expect.
The families get rousted out of the dining room, leaving us with just the chefs. Chef Ramsay has a final announcement: "Jay. Benjamin. Holli. Autumn. I'm gonna push the boundaries out even further. I'm gonna turn it up another notch. Is that clear?" What? No, it's not clear. I have no idea what you're talking about.
Everyone goes back upstairs while Gordon tells us in a voiceover that he's cutting two chefs in the episode. Wait a minute... no elimination one week followed by a double elimination the week? This is exactly what So You Think You Can Dance did last week!
Check out a clip below, discuss this episode in our forums and then read our weecap of Gordon's new show, MasterChef!
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You can email Monty at montykins@gmail.com if that's your idea of a good time.