Are you serious? Another two-hour chunk? Boy, if I didn't know better, I would think Fox was desperately burning these shows off as quickly as possible.
Gordon Ramsay's Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 43
Contestants' Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 41
Alternate Title for This Episode: Blood Sausage Catastrophe
Okay, let's get going. As you remember, Autumn and Scott swapped teams, which Gordon is going to pretend is because their teams hate them. I'm not sure how true that is, but I guess a couple of the women have said they're sick of Autumn. And Scott is all up in everyone's grill (cooking reference!) all the time.
After everyone files out of the dining room, Fran looks for Autumn to give her a goodbye hug (that feud didn't go anywhere at all!), but she's already with her blue-clad buddies. Fran appears to be a little hurt. Scott makes noises about being a team player.
The morning, the sous chefs invade the dorms with butcher outfits for everyone, complete with sassy neckerchiefs. Everyone figures they'll be butchering or slaughtering, and Holli interviews that if you eat meat, you should be willing to kill what you eat.
Out in the parking lot, Gordon is standing in a pig pen, surrounded by happy capering pigs. He sharpens his knives while everyone looks nervous. But it's a swerve; he's not really going to make them kill and butcher pigs. Although on one season of The F-Word (where you can see an entirely different side of Gordon Ramsay), he raised, slaughtered, butchered and served pigs. They're not doing that this time. Instead, the chefs will be let loose in the pigpen, where they will grab at pigs, which are wearing collars with ingredient names on them. Each team will grab three main cuts (all pig-based, to vaguely justify the pigs) and three side dishes.
So then it's messy and noisy for awhile. It doesn't have a lot to do with cooking in a restaurant, if you ask me. Nilka goes first and takes forever to get a pig. And when she does, it's blood sausage. Gordon has a big laugh at everyone. When everyone has their dishes, the teams split up to decide how to pair things up. So each team will make three dishes, each consisting of a pork-based main dish and a weirdo side. I'm not sure I'm into Blood Sausage and Prunes, to be honest.
For some reason, we see some chefs in their underwear before we cut to the kitchen. I realize they had to change clothes, but that seemed unnecessary. The cooking, however, begins. In spite of Scott's claims that he'll be sitting back, he orders at least half the team around. Even Gordon gets annoyed with him, although I recognize that that isn't very hard. On the blue side, no one will tell Autumn where the tasting spoons are. That's pretty lame drama.
Nilka and Fran have a blood sausage catastrophe due to neither of them ever having cooked it before. And also because blood sausage is innately gross. When Nilka brings their dish up to Gordon, she doesn't sound enthusiastic at all. But c'mon, you try saying "blood sausage and prune puree" and making it sound appetizing. Gordon spits it out and asks who thought prunes would go with sausage. There is no answer, although a flashback reveals Scott saying "We're gonna do a nice sausage and we're gonna garnish it with prunes." Meanwhile, Benjamin has a pork loin with bok choy and it's very nice. 1-0 blue team.
Holli/Siobhan now take on Jason/Autumn. Jason presents honey-glazed bacon with honey slaw. It tastes "nice," but too sweet. Gordon says that it needed mustard, and we flash back to Jason telling Autumn not to add mustard. Holli's dish is pork tenderloin with sweet and sour apple. The red ream wins, and we're tied going into the last dish. No kidding.
Jay presents a pork loin chop with pinto beans. It's nice. Maria has... some kind of concoction involving ham hocks and sweet potatoes. She never gets around to saying what it is. It appears to be soup, so I'm going with that. Gordon tells them "Congratulations... because you just screwed your team!" Who are the people who love these sudden mid-sentence twists? I assume there are a lot of them, because they happen constantly on every reality show. Anyway, Gordon's objection is that the soup doesn't use ham hock as the main ingredient; it's sweet potato soup with a dash of ham hock. Blue team wins.
The red team's punishment is to put on overalls and go outside to clean the pigs. The blue team, meanwhile, gets robes to go with their outing to a spa. This episode has a lot of costume changes.
The blue team enjoys their time at the spa. Autumn enjoys her massage. The men get painted with seaweed and then take showers. This is all highly relevant to the show. Back at the parking lot to Hell's Kitchen, the red team isn't complaining half as much as the pigs. Those guys really do not want to take their baths, and their little piggy shrieks are a little unsettling. The contrast between the two scenes is pretty nice this time, since the blue team is in a mud bath and the red team is in a mud pit. The camera lingers a long, long time on Autumn in her bikini.
Oh no. We're going to spend some down time with the contestants as they hang out together in the dorms. This is always death. Holli tells everyone that she has a giant porn collection, and Jay thinks he has more. Salvatore asks if Holli makes the porn herself, and she denies it. Then she admits to having recorded some with old lovers. An incredibly frankensteined quote from Siobhan (I think) announces, "I used to work... somewhat... topless... and.... somewhat.... nude." That might have been the same "somewhat" used both times in that quote. So she used to do fetish balls under the name "Shannon Marie". Everyone has a good time.
The day, we're finally ready for another dinner service. And tonight's "first time ever" gimmick is barbecue. Both teams start on the prep. Nilka and Benjamin are both pretty excited about doing barbecue. And then, at 2:01 PM, Nilka announces that the chicken is frying up perfectly. Isn't it a little early for that? Gordon Ramsay certainly thinks it is, and he tells the red team that they're supposed to be fine-dining barbecue, not fast food. Don't cook the food before someone orders it! When he's done, Chef Ramsay tries to rile up Nilka by accusing her of sulking, but she doesn't bite.
Wait! We've got another "first time ever" gimmick! The restaurant has been overbooked (whatever that means in this case) so they'll be doing a double seating. The red team will cook while the blue team serves, then they'll switch. Gotcha. Here we go!
The dinner starts at 5:00 PM to make time for the second service. They're got a hard time limit of two hours. The first appetizers are Maria's crabs, and they're raw. And she's not particularly communicative when she's asked when the new ones will be ready. Meanwhile, Salvatore is out in the dining room. You remember that time Salvatore was in the front of the house and got yelled at so much that he wanted to quit? Let's see if it happens again! He brings up an unreadable ticket, and Chef Ramsay asks disbelievingly if he ever went to school. Salvatore explains that no, he did not go to school. He was always working because his family needed him. The wind is out of Chef's Ramsay's sails, and he just thanks Salvatore for his honesty.
There's a communication breakdown when Nilka doesn't hear Fran and then takes offense at Fran yelling. See, I don't think that works. If you claim you didn't hear someone, you can't get mad when they raise their voice, you know? There's a bunch of shouting, but not the good kind of communicative shouting. No one listens to Chef Ramsay when he calls out an order. Only Fran is taking care of business on the appetizers.
Out in the kitchen, Autumn is "helpfully" suggesting to customers that she could bring food back to the kitchen if it's not perfect. And in an interview, she admits that that's what she's doing. Siobhan sadly refires two burgers.
Scott brings up some fried chicken, which is apparently cooked to [bleep]ing [bleep]. Chef Ramsay gets very angry and roars at him about leaving his oven door open, which is something Chef Ramsay would prefer he not do. I guess it's risky. Chef Ramsay says that they're the most dangerous kitchen in the country. Well, people do get injured a lot on this show. But back to the cooking: Siobhan has a couple of nearly raw burgers on the last order of the night. Chef Ramsay demonstrates this with his new favorite technique of slamming his hand down on them so raw meat splatters everywhere. I guess he's not that into health and safety.
Chef Ramsay announces that he's shutting down the kitchen. Shut it down! They missed out on the last table, although I think that means there are tables that just got their entrees that are now being hustled out the door so "new" people can be brought in.
Switch places! The blue team is now cooking. It's 8:00 now, and I don't know what went on between 7:00 and 8:00. Nilka does not enjoy being a waitress and finds it complicated and annoying. It is! At 8:10, the first order makes it into the kitchen, and Jay's appetizers work well. We're already on entrees! But Salvatore doesn't answer anyone, which is the primary sin here. Apparently he doesn't like having a bunch of different people shouting at him, but that's what happens when he doesn't answer the first person.
Front-of-house drama: there are three different tickets all claiming to be for table 33. That doesn't sound ideal, especially since one of them already went to the kitchen. My recommendation would be to quickly label the other two "33A" and "33B" and figure out what table they're actually for after handing them to Chef Ramsay. In fact, it appears that both Holli and Maria both took that table's order, so two Tables 33 are the same. [And the people at Table 33 are dillweeds for ordering twice. - Zach] Chef Ramsay shouts at them for being bad waitresses. Which they never said they were good at, so I don't care.
Back to the subject of the show: Autumn has some cold ribs. It's because of all that time she spent in a bikini in the first part of the episode. Come on, you know that line was awesome.
Maria has screwed up another order, so the table sends back the food they got. But that seems less relevant than the fact that Jason has dropped a piece of fried chicken in the same basket that was already cooking fries. Shout, shout, shout. Commercial. Repeat shout, repeat shout, repeat shout. There are ten minutes to go, and that results in a flurry of surprisingly competent cooking. With one minute to go, Jason says he needs three minutes. He doesn't get it. That's time!
The teams are lined up in the kitchen for the post-service dressing-down. Chef Ramsay is very, very disappointed in everyone. The red team loses, although Fran impressed Chef Ramsay. Two nominees will be selected for elimination, and it's not clear whether it's supposed to be a consensus or just Fran. Up in the dorms, Maria admits that she had a bad service, and Scott agrees emphatically. She points out that he also stunk, and he gets a bit condescending: "The difference is, I put in a hard-ass effort from the start and you didn't." Fran says that she has to put two up and they'll just have to fight. Everyone says they don't want to go home.
Fran walks away from the patio over to the dorms and Scott follows her. He says that Maria vs. anyone will result in Maria going home. So what's he worried about? He has a theory that if both he and Maria are put up, they might both go home tonight. Well, it's not out of the realm of possibility, but I really think they should keep in mind that Ramsay will eliminate whomever he feels like, regardless of who was nominated. So Fran shouldn't worry too much about it.
Down in the dining room, Fran is asked for the nominees. First up, Maria because she's an emotional rollercoaster. Second, Nilka, which comes as a surprise to Chef Ramsay. And to Nilka. Chef Ramsay specifically asks why Scott isn't nominated, and then calls him up with the other two anyway.
Nilka gets sent back to the team right away, with specific instructions to stand close to Fran. That's a little weird. Let's move on. Maria, why should you stay? "I had an awful, awful service today." What an odd argument. Scott? "You can teach technique. You can't teach leadership." I love these guys that think they're natural leaders when nobody can stand being around them. Maria gets sent home.
Maria feels that Scott had a worse service than her, but that doesn't seem to matter. Fran gets scolded for not nominating the right people.
Watch Part 2 of the double episode here, then watch the episode here, discuss it in our forums, and see why we'd never eat here!
Want to immediately access TWoP content no matter where you are online? Download the free TWoP toolbar for your web browser. Already have a customized toolbar? Then just add our free toolbar app to get updated on our content as soon it's published.
Monty's daily blog is Mysterious Exhortations. You can email Monty at montykins@gmail.com if that's your idea of a good time.