By Montykins
Although Fox is pretending this is a two-hour episode, I'm treating them as two separate episodes. Because that is what they are.
Gordon Ramsay's Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 28
Contestants' Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 49
Movies Referenced in Recap: Grease, The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the Eighth Dimension and Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Benjamin introduces the episode by complaining that Jason was the worst chef and stating that he was splitting the team. Jason waits until everyone's up in the dorm's patio area (which isn't really a patio because I don't think the chefs are allowed to see the sun) before he starts ranting about how put-upon he feels. Apparently, everyone is supposed to work as a team and that means specifically not nominating Jason. Because to do so is messing with his future and his children's future. Also, he is very angry and could destroy a chair with his bare hands. An attempt is made to gently suggest that this sort of tirade is the reason that he's hard to work with, but that doesn't go over very well.
The day, the chefs are lined up in the dining room so Chef Ramsay can lecture them about the importance of teamwork. This somehow means that they'll be open for lunch. They'll be serving burgers and fries, which prompts Autumn to smugly interview about how she can "cook on a level that not many people can." Boy, I hope that hubris doesn't come back to bite her!
The teams head to their kitchens and start prepping. They appear to be taking care of business. And tonight's stunt guests are ... the USC Marching Band! They seem full of pep, which means this was recorded before USC got smacked around by the NCAA. That's a topical reference! Oh, and there are cheerleaders there. But it looks like it's mostly the marching band. The tie-in is that the band knows that value of "teamwork" and "coordination".
The first order for the blue team consists of six salads, five cheeseburgers, and one chicken sandwich. Chef Ramsay feel that Jason doesn't shout "Yes, Chef!" loud enough when the order is called out, which he interprets as a lack of teamwork. That's Gordon Ramsay's definition of teamwork: shouting in unison when Gordon Ramsay tells you to do something. Jason's working salads alone, while over in the red kitchen, Fran and Autumn are doing the salads together. Those two sure work together a lot for people who seemed to be having a feud in the first episode.
Jason falls behind, and continues to not answer Chef Ramsay when his orders are called. And every table has six salads, so that happens a lot. Jason explains in an interview that he's purposely being less vocal because he doesn't want to intimidate his team. Riiiight.
Jason falls behind, and continues to not answer Chef Ramsay when his orders are called. And every table has six salads, so that happens a lot. Jason explains in an interview that he's purposely being less vocal because he doesn't want to intimidate his team. Riiiight.
Red kitchen! Nilka's hamburger patties are very thick and take longer to cook than anticipated. Maria appears to blame Jamie and shoves her out of the way to cook for her.
Blue kitchen! Scott sends up a burger that's raw. Then suddenly each team has three tickets left. There is a flurry of cooking while the kids in the dining room chant and shout. Both teams are down to the fries, which is a more extreme example of It Always Comes Down to the Last Dish. The women win. Maria freaks out at us in an interview.
The reward for the red team is "a relaxing day in the sun." See, because they're not allowed out normally. And the punishment for the blue team is to clean up the Los Angeles River. They get yellow jumpsuits, which are supposed to be humiliating but are actually a pretty good idea. As the women get ready, we learn that one of them has a big tattoo along her spine. And that Fran calls herself a MILF. The men complain bitterly about their bus ride, and are then a little confused when they find out that the Los Angeles River doesn't have water in it. They're all whiny and annoying, when they should be saying things like "Hey, I think the climactic race in Grease was shot here!"Also, scenes in Buckaroo Banzai and Terminator 2. In fact, if you read my recap of T2, you'll note that I describe the Los Angeles River as "the concrete thing that looks like the race from Grease."
Okay, anyway the women pile into wood-sided cars and won't shut up about how great they are. When they get to the beach, they're thrilled to see... Gordon Ramsay. He challenges them to a game of beach soccer against his kids and wife. Apparently his daughter Matilda's nickname is "Naughty Knickers." The antics are wacky and, frankly, not up to World Cup standard. Although the goalkeeping isn't much worse than England's. (Another topical reference!)
The Ramsays leave the women alone for the rest of the afternoon. We are led to believe that they spent their time recreating the Hell's Kitchen logo in sand.
That night, everyone preps for dinner service. Jason is trying very hard to be friendly and communicative, and it appears to work. The women are all smiles, but then Fran has to dump some boiling water. And as she carries the pot, some boiling water splashes on her arm. She says she can't feel anything, but suggests in an interview that she's lying.
Chef Ramsay rounds everyone up to tell them that JP has had to do a lot of stalling, so to show them what he's gone through, Holly and Salvatore will each be assistant maître d' tonight. This will provide shenanigans but presumably be irrelevant to the cooking.
Holly and Salvatore get dressed up exactly like JP. It's adorable.
Salvatore's first ticket is unreadable. Holly's is fine. So the blue kitchen is behind already. Salvatore's excuse to JP is that he can't write in English, but JP points out that most of the ticket is in French anyway.
Maria's first risotto needs more cheese and other ingredients. She admits in an interview that she's never cooked a lot of risotto before. Oh dear. Nilka cuts in at one point and makes Maria send up some risotto she's not sure about, which is praised by Chef Ramsay.
Ed leans into Scott's appetizer station and Scott tells him to back off. "I'm not gonna get yelled at for somebody else's mistake." Scott's potatoes are not acceptable, because they don't have enough color.
Holly and Salvatore chat with the customers.
Jason is behind on garnish, and Chef Ramsay shouts at him for not having stuff ready. Benjamin's meat is acceptable. Some guy who looks like Jesus seems to like it a lot. Salvatore brings back a plate for not being Medium Well, but apparently he didn't write that down on the ticket. Chef Ramsay is furious that this person who apparently barely speaks English and has never worked in the front of the house is not perfect at it. Who knew this gimmick would backfire? Chef Ramsay makes Salvatore go into the kitchen and tell the team himself. He asks for a well done wellington quickly, and the chefs cheerfully agree to do it. That's not enough drama for Ramsay, though, so he shouts a bit about how Salvatore made a mistake. The other chefs still don't seem that offended, presumably because they're glad it's not them getting yelled at.
Salvatore walks out. JP tells him to fight back, but he's done. Out the front door. JP catches up with him in the lobby and implores him not to take Ramsay personally. Salvatore agrees to finish the service, but then he's nominating himself for elimination.
Holly also brings back some steak that is allegedly not medium rare. Chef Ramsay checks on it and sounds pretty disappointed that the customer is correct. Fran, trying to focus on the food to keep her mind off her hand, starts to get some things wrong. She seems flustered and asks Autumn for some help.
Over on the blue side, Jason's garnish is holding up some halibut. Jay sneers a bit about how his mother could do it better. Scott tries to help Jason, which offends him.
Jamie has a problem, and Siobhan steps in to help. Chef Ramsay catches her and shouts at both of them. And Siobhan's halibut is raw, which leads to Chef Ramsay's new favorite move, where he smashes the fish in someone's face.
Benjamin and Scott have a disagreement about whether some beef is properly cooked. Scott's all over the kitchen tonight, isn't he? Anyway, Benjamin was correct that the meat was ready. Fran has some beef that's medium rare, not medium. Doom! At this point, Fran is willing to admit to Autumn that her arm is scalded pretty badly, because when she reaches in the oven it's excruciating. But she immediately regrets telling her and won't show her the burn. She doesn't want sympathy; she just wants to concentrate on the cooking. But I don't think that's going to work, and the reason Fran is so stressed right now is that she knows she can't just willpower this away.
Autumn rats Fran out to Sous Chef Andi, saying "Fran's hand is hurt badly and she won't see a medic." Fran looks at Autumn with pure hatred. Finally, Chef Ramsay gets the word and makes her show him her hand and sends her to the medic. We get a good look at it, especially where a rubber band got stuck to the burn. The red team is in disarray without Fran, since she was on the meat station. She gets the medic to wrap her up and let her back into the kitchen.
Both teams get to the last ticket. They finished the dinner service, although it took a bit over four hours. The blue team wins, and Benjamin gets special praise. The red team is told to come to a consensus on two people to nominate.
As they light up, Holly reports that the refires on meat were what killed them. Fran admits that it was her fault for not telling them she burnt her hand. Everyone agrees that Fran is probably the first nominee, and Jamie and Maria appear to be duking it out for the second spot. Maria goes for the high ground in an interview, mocking Jamie's repeated claims of "I got it": "I got it! I was like, 'Listen, the only thing you have... is an excess amount of weight.'" First of all, that's classy. Second, you didn't say that to her face. So you were not, in fact, "like" that. You were "like" someone who doesn't say anything at first, then says an insult when the other person can't hear you. So there's that. Maria and Jamie argue with each other. Maria denies that her risotto was bad.
Down in the dining room, Nilka reports that the first nominee is Fran for all the refires and losing her composure. The second nominee is Jamie for burning the mashed potatoes that one time. You know, the time that was so important that I don't think I bothered recapping it.
Okay. Jamie, why should you stay? "I know I'm a strong chef. My flavor profile is always spot-on." Normally you hear the words "flavor profile" over on Top Chef, not here. Anyway. Fran? "I have a drive like no other." Chef Ramsay says he can't teach an old dog new tricks, which is pretty insulting, really. Fran points out that her hand isn't making her quit. Ramsay sends Fran back to the line and sends Jamie home. Jamie is ticked off.
Fran brags about walking around with burns. Jay says the red team is "a bunch of girls who can't keep their emotions in check." Nilka shows entirely unjustified confidence.
week: is right now!
Check out Part 2 of the double episode here, then discuss it in our forums, and see why we'd never eat here!
Want to immediately access TWoP content no matter where you are online? Download the free TWoP toolbar for your web browser. Already have a customized toolbar? Then just add our free toolbar app to get updated on our content as soon it's published.
Monty's daily blog is Mysterious Exhortations. You can email Monty at montykins@gmail.com if that's your idea of a good time.