Gordon Ramsay's Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 23
Contestants' Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 28
Kids, the secret words for the day are: "Staff Sgt. Otis James"
After Lovely's been sent home, Tek complains about being counted out. The chefs are still milling about at 1:15 AM, and Dave is having trouble microwaving a chicken pot pie because of his busted thumb. You know how sometimes on Top Chef, someone will make a big deal about being so classy and upscale that they don't even know how to operate a microwave? There's none of that here, apparently, because the chefs are being fed on frozen dinners.
The morning, the chefs are arranged in the dining room for the news. Staff Sgt. Otis James, fresh off a 30-month Marine Corps tour of duty in Iraq, is going to be the guest of honor for "the most amazing" dinner the day. And we're going to be hearing the name Staff Sgt. Otis James a lot. So each team is set to create one "stunning" appetizer and two "stunning" entrees, and Gordon and Mrs. Staff Sgt. Otis James will pick a winner.
But first, Gordon wants to see Robert and Suzanne in his office. Mrs. Staff Sgt. Otis James explains that her husband likes seafood, shrimp and baked potatoes. Man, me too! Robert gets her to admit that she likes Southern food, and Suzanne learns that grilled lobster tail is a favorite. Robert and Suzanne go down to join their teams with instructions to share the information.
Suzanne appears to reject the catfish in the pantry, while Robert likes it. Robert is also emphatic that Staff Sgt. Otis James wants beef. Beef! Robert tries to recommend a double-baked potato, but they don't really have time. Kevin (who's working on a seafood-potato appetizer of some sort) interviews that Robert did a good job of providing a direction but not trying to make each person do a specific thing. On the red side, Suzanne, unsurprisingly, is micromanaging her team, telling each person what to be doing. Tennille is frustrated that Suzanne won't say something like "he likes baked potatoes," rather than her more specific angle of "you need to sauté the bacon and then toss the spinach in and hold it." Well, Suzanne's getting on her teammates' nerves here, but if she turns out to be right about what Staff Sgt. Otis James likes, she'll be a hero. I think the rest of the red team would prefer it if Suzanne acted like a peer, rather than someone who's already the executive chef.
There is a flurry of doily-seeking and tarragon-adding, and then the plating is finished. Appetizzers first!
Ariel brings up a "Caesar-style salad with baked prawns." It's good. Kevin has a "spicy seafood-style bouillabaisse." It's also good. Gordon says they're both great, and Mrs. Staff Sgt. Otis James picks the salad. Kevin figures that's because women like salads. I see. Moving on!
Andy and Amanda are . Amanda has a bacon-wrapped filet with grilled shrimp. Andy admits that it probably tastes good, but he doesn't care for the way it looks. He's got a four-cheese macaroni, stewed collards and a buttermilk-fried catfish. The blue team wins. Robert is smug.
So it all comes down to the last dish. Surprise! Robert and Suzanne bring up their dishes. Suzanne has a broiled lobster tail with some other fancy seafood things around it. Robert has a bone-in New York strip with a cajun rub, a twice-baked potato mash and a grilled lobster tail. Grilled. Like the lady said in Gordon's office. The winner is the blue team. Which seemed obvious, even though the show tried to build up suspense by putting a commercial break in there.
The men's prize is to go pretend to be fighter pilots while the women redecorate the restaurant. Naturally, I immediately start wondering if Robert's still too big to get rewards. On the patio, the women are unhappy about Suzanne. And Suzanne isn't happy about not winning. The general feeling is that Suzanne should have said the words "soul food" to her team, even though the dishes they made were apparently very good. The most distressed, of course, is Tennille, who's up in the dorms fuming about not having been allowed to make soul food. There's some squabbling, and Tennille continues her stretch of shouting everything in her interviews. Meanwhile, the men are in jumpsuits and walking in slow motion because they're about to be bundled into fighter jets. Well, that's what they say, but the vehicle in question is clearly not a jet. My first clue was the big propeller at the front.
It's time for the women to redecorate Hell's Kitchen, and they'll be managed by Gordon's wife Tana. Tana directs them on bunting and centerpieces and all that sort of thing and says "precise" a million times. Meanwhile, the men are in a side-by-side cockpit and actually getting to fly the planes themselves a little. They're directed through some dogfight moves, and it's pretty cool. Not as cool as the biplane thing from last season, but it's okay. The women goof around with the helium for the balloons as Suzanne sneers about being too old for that.
Time for dinner service! The special event for Staff Sgt. Otis James will involve the blue team's winning items, and it looks like Jim is purposely concealing part of the recipe. This impression is reinforced when he interviews that "the Blue team will do whatever it takes to win." All the women know what the score is, and they're worried about it. Although they're still mysteriously confident, considering that they don't think they know the recipes.
Oh, by the way, it's a surprise party, so Staff Sgt. Otis James will be shocked and delighted. Well, he looks pretty pleased, but I don't know if I'd describe him as blown away. Gordon babbles away about how honored he is, and then introduces Staff Sgt. Otis James's mother. Everyone is impressed. Enough stalling. On with the cooking! The men get the table for the guest of honor, and I don't think I've noticed cheeseburgers being on the menu on episodes. I'm going to assume they added those because there are a lot of kids in the house. Anyway, the blue team is going well, which prompts Andy to talk about how zen he feels/
On the red side, there's some drama about Sabrina's mushrooms. Her excuse: "Oopsy-doopsy!" Wow. Suddenly, I hate her! Chef Ramsay is furious because he sent out the non-mushroom appetizers for that table already. When the acceptable mushrooms make it out, the customer is a little sarcastic.
We jump forward! The blue team has done all of their appetizers already, so now Jim and his steaks are the center of attention. Sous chef Scott warns Jim to keep track of how many steaks he's got, because they're more popular that they'd thought. Jim's got nine steaks all on the grill at once. Kevin offers to back him up, "because I'm the [bleep] man!" Also because Kevin is on desserts, which means he doesn't have much to do right now. When Chef Ramsay asks how long five New York strips will be, Jim doesn't answer him and Kevin is right there to answer. Chef Ramsay is briefly distracted by something Van's doing, and Jim has the sense to ask Kevin to quickly tell him what order is . Unfortunately for Jim, Gordon just skips him and tells Kevin to tell Jim what's going on.
The red team is done with their appetizers, and Tek is on the grill. The order comes in and it looks fairly typical for the night: five New York strips, one chicken. All anyone wants tonight is the steaks and the cheeseburgers. Tennille leans over Tek's shoulder to tell her to arrange the steaks better to make some room, and once Chef Ramsay rejects some steaks for being raw, Tennille is all up in Tek's grill (ha!) for messing with her station. Ariel is of the opinion that the grill is just for marking the steaks, and they should actually be cooked in the 500-degree oven. Chef Ramsay shouts a bit about how he can't serve steaks that are blackened to the same table as the properly cooked steaks. I like the theory that it's okay to have steaks that look a little wrong, as long as that's the only kind that a table sees. Anyway, all the women are starting to mutter dark imprecations as they cast sidelong glances at Tek.
Tek complains that it's hard to maintain her focus when people are shouting and buzzing around. That's the situation, isn't it? If you can't work in a shouty environment, you aren't going to do well on this show.
The blue team is successfully delivering entrees, even when it requires One-Hand Dave to do something. But Tek's a bottleneck and nothing's coming out of the red kitchen. On the blue side, Kevin is making a big show of "backing up" Jim, at one point stepping in front of Jim to get some drawn butter and bustling it to the pass while Jim stands there with drawn butter in his hands looking dejected. But as the Blue kitchen is serving its last entrees, it seems like whatever Kevin and Jim have been doing is working.
The Red side, meanwhile, hasn't served any entrees. Amanda tries to help out with the lobster for the surf and turf, but has apparently neglected to cook it. Cue tirade.
So now it's a big kick in the pants for the red team, because the blue team is brought over to handle their orders for them. Ouch. Jim describes it as a kitchenpocalypse, "like a hand grenade went off in a cow's ass." All the women look on sadly as the blue team do all of their entrees for them. Except for Kevin, who's doing all the blue desserts by himself. Man, that's bad. Bad!
Chef Ramsay says goodbye to Staff Sgt. Otis James. That's the end of Cheerful Gordon, because we cut directly to the part where he's shouting at the red team after the service. He objects to the lack of communication, teamwork, and general cooking ability. He tells the red team to work together and decide on two people to nominate. They trudge off. The blue team, on the other hand, is very happy right now.
Suzanne makes a big speech about how it's "who can cook, and who can't cook." Tek defends herself halfheartedly, and everyone jumps down her throat. Suzanne says she's not going to be sensitive anymore, which makes me wonder what she thinks "sensitive" means. Tennille shrieks about how she's not going to be put on the block. I don't think it matters, because Tek is clearly going to be nominated and sent home no matter who she's to.
Down to the dining room! Tennille says that the first nominee is Tek, because the team feels she's deflated. The second nominee? "Unfortunately, chef, which is a load of [bleep], I've been put up, chef. I'm not the [bleep] weakest person on this team, though." Naturally, Gordon asks who she thinks should be in her place, and she goes with Amanda.
Tek and Tennille, step forward. Also Amanda. Tennille, why should you stay? Bleep, bleep, bleep. "Don't you see how pissed off I am?" Tennille gets sent back to the line. Tek, why should you stay? "I know that I have it in me to have these successes." Also, she's passionate about food. Amanda? "I know I can get more vocal." What? Amanda starts crying and promises that she's not done. Chef Ramsay doesn't see anything left in Amanda, but she promises that she's not done. Anyway, Tek's sent home. Obviously.
Tek tells us that she's "a crazy, bad-ass girl." Well, okay. Are you sure you weren't looking for a roller derby reality show? Because that sounds more like what you're looking for. Tennille shouts at us in an interview some more: "I don't trust none of 'em! I'm not playin' no more! From now on, it's Tennille time! For all y'all. Sit on it." Sit on it? Good one, Potsie.
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