Gordon Ramsay's Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 19
Contestants' Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 26
Previously: Gordon Ramsay pretended to shut down Hell's Kitchen, but it was just an excuse to send the chefs to the Borgata in Atlantic City. Robert had chest pains and left the show with pericarditis. Andrea won the challenge and was given immunity in a transparent attempt to build up tension since clearly no one was going home at the end of the episode. And indeed, Andrea stunk even more than Ben. So we're left with Andrea, Ben, Paula, and Danny.
As the chefs file out of the kitchen, Gordon tells Ben to practice, saying "I was wrong," then chants it at him as he leaves. That's kind of petty. I like it! In the dorms and in an interview, Ben talks about how he's having a rough time. Danny thinks Andrea should be going home. Paula thinks Andrea is fighting, but that doesn't really say anything about her cooking ability, does it?
The morning, everybody comes into the kitchen as Chef Ramsay finishes some dishes. He talks about timing, speed, and accuracy and presents his dishes as being things he serves in his restaurants. There's "the most amazing duck", beef, and a fish stew. Excuse me, "a beautiful fish stew". How come the beef didn't rate an adjective? The chefs eat and Chef Ramsay insists they pick favorites. Paula and Andrea like the fish, which Chef Ramsay is delighted to tell them is all cooked in one pan. Danny likes the duck, but Ben goes with the fish. And the challenge is to duplicate the fish stew. Thirty minutes. Go!
The voiceover tells us that the kitchen contains all the required ingredients, which seems only fair. But there's a lot of other fish in the refrigerator, so they have to decide if it tasted more like red snapper or squid or lobster. If only there was some sort of random fish-choosing device. Some sort of wheel of fish, say. Danny picks red snapper, while the other three go with halibut. Andrea has bay scallops, but everyone else has sea scallops, which are larger. I think Gordon likes sea scallops more. Paula is using water, and everyone else is using fish stock. This is starting to sound like one of those logic puzzles, where Andrea lives in the red house to the right of the person who raises cockatiels. For alcohol, Danny and Paula use white wine, Andrea Sambuca, and Ben Pernod. We see Ben cover his bottle with a towel and smile devilishly. Ramsay calls him a "shellfish bastard". Andrea congratulates herself on not making a big deal out of it.
We see Danny over at Chef Ramsay's dish a lot, tasting it over and over again to try to get his dish to taste exactly the same. That seems like a good strategy. Andrea looks at everyone else's choices because she lacks self-confidence. Everyone serve!
Andrea's stew is "actually quite nice." Ben's has "nice flavor, yes?" Paula's is "delicious. Nice and light." Danny is "nice. Rustic, in terms of flavor."
The correct fish was red snapper, which only Danny had right. The liquor was Pernod, which is a point for Ben. Sea Scallops were correct, so Andrea is definitely out. Ben is told that he used too much saffron, making his stew bright yellow and not good enough. So it's down to Danny and Paula. Paula's does look a bit more like the original dish, if you ask me. And I'm going to assume that you are asking me. Too bad I don't know which tastes better. After a lot of deliberation, Chef Ramsay picks Danny for using fish stock, not water. So Chef Ramsay and Danny will be "embarking on an amazing little adventure," according to Ramsay. Chef Ramsay asks Danny if he's scared of heights and hands him some enormous goggles, which Danny wears upside down in an interview.
The other three chefs will be polishing the crystal and cutlery and washing the carpet before doing all the prep for the night's dinner service. Andrea interviews in a disgusted fashion as though she thought that going on a show like this would involve no dopey scutwork at all. Jean-Philippe welcomes the chefs to what he claims is his world and they start cleaning.
Chef Ramsay greets in the parking lot and gets into the limo with Danny. Danny tells us that out of the kitchen, Chef Ramsay is a lot of fun to be around. They blather about success until they get to an airport and a bright yellow biplane. Danny says it's "Sweet", and Gordon describes it as "[bleep] me" and "Holy [bleep]". See, he still swears just as much when he's out of the kitchen, but at least he's not shouting in your face when he does it. It looks like a lot of fun, although it's a little weird that Gordon and Danny don't do it at the same time.
Back in the kitchen, Andrea is bummed. She interviews that she misses her family and life and so on. And her hair hurts. There's a lot of complaining. Up in the air, Danny is delighted that his pilot will loop the loop for him. And in a powerdive, the smoke from the plane appears to create the Hell's Kitchen Trident in the air. It's magic! It really does look cool, and I believe I'd like to do it.
In the kitchen, Ben suggests that they set up each of the stations and then continue with the prep. Andrea: "I have a better plan. We don't we all just rebel and go home?" No one's sure what to say to that. Ben thinks Andrea will be to go home, and I have to say I can see his point. Andrea is pounding on a bag of ice with a pot, but sometimes you have to do that to break the ice up. It doesn't mean she's automatically psychotic, you know?
Danny returns to the kitchen still wearing his snazzy goggles (over his backwards baseball cap, but you can't have everything), a white scarf, and a Hell's Kitchen flight jacket. Nice! And the other chefs actually seem sincere in their congratulations.
Prep is almost done and Danny smugs a bit in an interview about not being in any danger of going home. Chef Ramsay gathers the chefs in the kitchen and claims to have had a thought. Andrea: "Here we go again! Here we [bleep] go again!" No kidding. Anyway, Chef Ramsay sends all the chefs back to the dorms because there's something he wants them to see. This turns out to be some Gordon Ramsay-branded pans. Hooray?
Back in the kitchen, Chef Ramsay claims he's wiping the slate clean. Danny interviews that he personally liked his slate. Too late. Service!
People order stuff. Chef Ramsay emphasizes that he wants loud communication. Chef Ramsay's "Two spaghetti, two scallops" is answered by Ben's "Absolutely, two spaghetti, and a soup." Ramsay makes sure he knows what's up. Paula's scallops are perfect. Ben's risotto is very nice. Andrea marvels at how it's a team effort, which I believe is how it's supposed to be every night in a kitchen. There's a shot of a customer for no other reason than to justify the hours the cameraman spent staring at her cleavage.
Chef Ramsay makes himself clear: "Look at me. One minute from now, drop two spaghettis." That's relatively clear, right? The head chef knows what he's doing, so wait sixty seconds and then drop the spaghetti. Well, that's not how Ben rolls. He puts the spaghetti right into the water. He explains that the water wasn't yet boiling, so this will work out fine. I'm not so sure that it will. Chef Ramsay yells at him a bit and then comments to sous chef Scott that Ben cooking ahead like that is "always a sign of a chef panicking." Interesting! And probably true!
Appetizers seem to be going well. Chef Ramsay calls out the entrees, and Andrea (on meat) is a little slow to respond. Her beef wellingtons are... cooked perfectly. A little scare there for Andrea.
Ben explains in an interview how things are working: "Some people, you squeeze, they fold. Some people, you squeeze, they produce. Chef Ramsay, he's kicked a tire and lit the fire with me." Wait, I guess that doesn't explain anything at all, does it? It's just nonsense. Oh well. Anyway, Ben's got a bland risotto, which angers Chef Ramsay. Bland!
We see two types of fish in one pan, which I think is frowned upon. Let's find out! Chef Ramsay calls out a fish order and Paula asks for another minute and a half because she missed a John Dory. Chef Ramsay wants her to cook faster. Nothing is said about the two types of fish in one pan, so I guess it doesn't matter. Now I'm sorry I mentioned it.
A special order comes in! Ben is to make a mixed salad with a plain vinaigrette for a vegetarian. He wants to know if it should have tuna on it. No, it should not. In fact, those croutons he's put in are also not appropriate, I guess. I'm just guessing from the number of times that Chef Ramsay shouts "Plain salad!" while an inch from Ben's face.
"Exclusive" Extra Helping. Chef Ramsay declines to answer "boxers or briefs", but is willing to tell us what five ingredients everyone should have in their kitchen. The answer: pasta, tomatoes, shallots, garlic, and olive oil. I am dismissive of shallots.
Ben interviews that Chef Ramsay spends a lot of time shouting at him, and the only reason he can come up with is that Chef Ramsay must see a lot of potential in him. Yeah, that must be it. It couldn't be that you constantly screw up. We see Ramsay check with Scott to make sure that "plain salad" doesn't mean something different in America.
Oh, lord. A customer takes Jean-Philippe aside and explains that he wants to propose to his girlfriend tonight, which naturally delights JP. The customer wants to give JP the ring, which will be brought back with the dessert. Chef Ramsay tries on the ring, which is kind of funny. Then he sets it aside.
Danny is a little slow with some garnish. Andrea has some beef wellingtons timed right with Ben's sauce, and they're beautifully cooked. Ben interviews that Andrea has done some good meat, but he still thinks she should go home. Chef Ramsay calls out a long string of appetizers, ending with "drop the spaghetti now." Instead, Ben drinks some water. Chef Ramsay bemoans his fate, which seems like a little much for some spaghetti that will be a minute late.
Andrea has some beef wellingtons that are too dark on the outside. She tries scraping off the burnt part, but finally has to come clean: "Chef, I [bleep] these wellingtons up. I don't know what to do here." Chef Ramsay decides they're not quite black, and positions them so you can't really tell.
Appetizers are done and Ben swaps over to desserts. The proposal dessert looks very nice, with the ring half-buried in chocolate, and the words "Will you Marry Me?" written in icing on the place. It looks like it was written by someone with the time to do it right, not one of these stressed out freaks. JP brings it out, uncovers the plate, and the young lady seems happy. And she says "yes", so there you go. Ben says it's like being stuck in prison, but seeing a rainbow. Huh.
Danny's on garnish, which means that he spends a lot of time keeping track of the few orders: "four minutes on those two medium wellies, and behind that, you have a chicken, two lamb, and three wellies, right?" And after that, two more wellies, which Andrea does not have. Two wellingtons are missing! So Danny and Paula rush over, grab some puff pastry, roll up some more wellingtons, pop them in the oven, and generally get shit done. Finally, Andrea gets the meat out the door and we are led to believe that's the last order, although you'd think there would be desserts at that table.
After the service, the chefs are lined up in the kitchen for Chef Ramsay to rant at them. He hated the last ten percent of the service and wants a consensus on one person who should leave. Well, I can see them getting three out of four to agree, but a consensus seems hard.
In the dorms, Paula asks who wants to start. Ben points the finger at Andrea, and runs his mouth about how much experience he has running a huge brigade and how many levels he is above her. Andrea, on the other hand, says Ben, on the grounds of that night's service. Danny thinks Andrea did worse and asks for her experience, and she refuses to defend herself. Paula tells Ben that he messes up a lot (seriously, he does), and he is outraged. Outraged! Finally he goes with "I'm not a line cook!" Well, you're on the wrong show. This isn't a cooking competition. It's a Line Cook competition. It's a "working in a kitchen" competition. Or, as Paula puts it in an interview, "You think you're some great chef and you're beyond being on the line and knowing how to cook? You're not a chef to me." Seriously. Ben claims that Paula had more issues than Ben or Andrea tonight, which I do not believe. In an interview, Ben's armor of self-delusion remains uncracked.
So right now, Danny and Ben say Andrea, and Andrea and Paula say Ben. Paula thinks they should just put up both Ben and Andrea (in flagrant violation of their instructions), get yelled at, and let Gordon decide. Danny thinks that will suck for them. He's probably right.
Back to the dining room. Chef Ramsay asks if there's a consensus, and he's disappointed. Andrea tells him that it was a tie between her and Ben, and he has them both step forward. Gordon: "Same faces, different day." Ben, why should you stay? "I have more to offer." Andrea, what makes you think you're much better than Ben? "I'm more well-rounded than Ben." Also, 110%. Andrea mentions the brigade at the Borgata, but she just borrowed that from Ben's speech.
Ben is out. Good, I'm sick of him. Chef Ramsay praises his energy. Let me tell you, I live right to an elementary school playground. There's a great deal of energy on display out there, especially during recess. I wouldn't trust most of those kids to run a restaurant. That's all I'm saying. In Ben's exit interview, he says he'll live to fight another day. What?
Chef Ramsay tells the chefs that the decisions are not easy here for anyone, which I think is his way of letting them off the hook for not coming to a consensus. Then he says he has a surprise for them, which we don't see.
week: special guests and that thing where the chefs have to shout at people. And apparently I'll be shocked. That's good to know, I guess.
In addition to contributing to The Incomparable, Monty has a blog devoted to Movie Novelizations, cleverly entitled Monty on Movie Novelizations. You can email him at montykins@gmail.com if that's your idea of a good time.
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