Gordon Ramsay's Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 46
Contestants' Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 17
Total Number of People That Have Gone Home Due to Health Reasons This Season: 2
Previously: The merge! We now have a six-person Team Black. Ben and Robert went to San Francisco and I related a story about Cadbury Creme Eggs. The dinner service was just awful, and Andrea melted down. Giovanni lipped off to Chef Ramsay, and that didn't go very well. Ben couldn't cook his own chicken. Paula got praised, if "solid and consistent" is your idea of high praise. Giovanni got sent home.
And then! Chef Ramsay claimed he was shutting down Hell's Kitchen. I guess we'll find out what he means by that... right now! Incidentally, the "previously" had eight bleeps in it, but I don't count them. You weren't really checking my math, were you?
The chefs are still standing in the dining room as Gordon Ramsay tells them he's shutting down Hell's Kitchen and that they're all leaving the morning. Robert interviews that he is outraged that Gordon is snatching away his dream. Chef Ramsay continues, "I've just called Borgata Hotel [the place where the winner will allegedly be running things]. You're all going. To Atlantic City." Most of the chefs act happy and relieved, but Robert still seems ticked: "Aaw, [bleep] this, man. I can't [bleep] handle this." Gordon forces everyone back into line and tells them that they'll be getting inspired and smelling success and whatever. Ben talks about the door to success being opened, but to my sorrow he doesn't start talking about Wizards and Dragonslaying or whatever Coach was blathering on about on Survivor tonight.
Everyone goes back to the dorm and squeals in delight. Andrea in particular gives Ben a big hug from behind while he's shaving. I don't think that's safe.
Full moon.
The morning, everyone piles into a van to shouts of "Atlantic City, gentlemen!" and "Yeah, boyeeee!" They board yet another private jet at LAX as Ben mixes a metaphor for your enjoyment: "Here you are on your way to the end of the tunnel, and the end of the tunnel has sent you its personal form of transportation." There is champagne and hooting and whatnot, and they arrive at Atlantic City. The limo pulls up to the Borgata to more Yeah Boyee-ing.
As the chefs enter the hotel, they are greeted by a line of women. Robert goes for the classy approach: "I'll have you, you, you, a-and you." Michael Facenda, the Director of Marketing, greets them. Andrea interviews that she feels a couple of half-naked men would have been nice.
The morning, we learn how many people go through the Borgata every day. And there are stores and restaurants. Robert accurately describes the effect as "like a fine-dining food court". There's a Wolfgang Puck place and a Bobby Flay place. You get the idea. Finally, Mr. Facenda shows them the area that has been allotted for Gordon Ramsay's restaurant. It's a big, empty space. The contestants are impressed. We all continue to pretend that one of them will be in charge of it. Robert's plan is for a bar with a pink Cadillac coming out of the wall. Everyone wanders around and acts impressed. Ben talks to the space.
The tour of the complex continues. Robert is so impressed with the place, he claims to have momentarily forgotten he was in New Jersey. Zing! Anyway, there are massages and a pool and two young ladies that Robert refers to as "the Borgata Babes". For all I know, that's their actual job description.
After the relaxation, the chefs get to meet Nicholas Kurban, VP of food and beverage (I'll just have a Coke; I'm working) and Ron Ross, the Borgata Executive Chef. Ben is excited and says so. And then he says many other things. As Andrea asks a question about Human Resources and the interview process, Robert excuses himself from the table. In a weird back hallway, Robert tells a paramedic named Colleen that he's having chest pain. Uh oh. She tells him that he has elevated blood pressure (160/100) and suggests that he go to the hospital. Meanwhile, the chefs and Borgata employees worry a little about him. He doesn't look happy about it at all, but he's loaded onto a stretcher and put in an ambulance. At first, I thought it was rude of him to walk out of the room like that, but he actually might have had the most polite heart attack ever.
Robert calls Ben from the hospital and gives him the scoop. Ben looks worried, but that might just be the Crazy Eyes. Robert has to stay overnight, and Ben assures him that everyone's worried about him. The chefs have a toast to Robert, and I think it's kind of interesting that Danny and Ben have glasses of water but Paula and Andrea are drinking wine.
Via the magic of television, the four non-sick chefs arrive back at Hell's Kitchen. They've flown a lot in the last 48 hours, to go from Los Angeles to New Jersey and back. Ben says that he hopes Robert comes back, but doesn't think he will.
Half moon. Apparently it's been 14 days since the full moon we saw earlier in the program. Which was two nights ago. Maybe they're just flying the moon at half-mast in memory of Robert.
We're told that it's been "a couple of days without any word on how Robert is doing," and the chefs assemble in the dining room. Gordon Ramsay brings out "Chef Robert", who is walking but doesn't feel good. He's got pericarditis, which is something that leads to heart disease. And Robert tells Chef Ramsay sadly that he's not coming back. He hands out hugs to everyone. Chef Ramsay tells him that he's been a fantastic competitor who had the potential to win. But hand over the jacket and leave. Ramsay calls him "big boy" a few times, which is something he does when he likes you. And off Robert goes, the second chef to go out because of injuries.
Montage of Robert's greatest moments, including those two times he got screwed over by being too fat to get the full benefit of the rewards. And we see him being loofahed, which is suspiciously close to "I wash myself with a rag on a stick" territory for me.
So now it's down to four. Challenge time! Everyone is told to make their signature dish, which I guess will be different from the episode one challenge, which was exactly the same. Forty-five minutes. Go!
Ben interviews that of the four contestants, he, Paula, and Danny are the only contenders, because they don't [bleep] around in the kitchen. We see him lean past Danny for some basil, but Danny claims he needs it all. Danny is just kidding, although my family's motto is "Never too much basil," so I was prepared to believe him.
Danny interviews that he seems to come in second a lot. Paula says that her plan is to cook. Interesting!
The winner of the challenge gets immunity from elimination. Danny's first, and he has a pan-seared sea scallop with citrus basil champagne sauce and crystallized ginger. Chef Ramsay says it doesn't look great, but it tastes good. Andrea has a green tea-crusted tuna served with black sesame rice cake and pear kim chee. Pear kim chee? Ben is dismissive, because he considers it basically sushi and far too simple. Ramsay likes it. Paula has a smoked salmon ceviche, but it cooked too long. Chef Ramsay thinks it's seared, not overcooked, and that it's delicious. Ben interviews that he's awesome and serves his dish: pan-roasted tiger prawns served over mango-scented turnips and basil-crushed Yukon Gold potatoes. Chef Ramsay says that it's very pretty, but then asks why there's an empty prawn tail on the plate. Ben explains that it's just for presentation. Chef Ramsay hates that sort of nonsense and explains to Ben that given a choice between a prawn and a tail, he would prefer to have the prawn on the plate.
Judging! "Ben. You're definitely not safe. Danny, Andrea, Paula, well done." The three of them interview that they would like to win. The winner is, in fact, Andrea. So she's guaranteed Final Three, and since I agree with the general consensus that Danny and Paula are the best two, that means that I hope Ben is eliminated tonight.
Cut to the dorms. Ben and Danny are smoking and Ben is complaining that with Robert gone, Andrea shouldn't have immunity. He insults her dish because it was cold, although I thought it looked pretty good. Danny agrees that Andrea would have been to go, but now it will be one of "the three top dogs".
Before service, the top four are gathered in the kitchen for a quick yelling session. And here come the customers! With the first order, there's a lot of shouting and communication, and things seem to start okay. But Andrea's scallops get sent back for being raw. Her stove isn't on High, and when she tries to explain to Chef Ramsay that she doesn't like having it all the way up, he accuses her of slowing the team down. Which kind of makes sense. I mean, I'm no thermodynamic scientist, but I'm pretty sure things cook faster over higher heat. She interviews that the stoves are way too hot to cook over. Her replacement scallops are no good.
Now it's entrees. Ben is unable to repeat an order of two medium wellingtons, and is also slow with some hot carrot puree. And when it comes up, it's cold, which doesn't please Chef Ramsay. When the proper puree is finally provided, Chef Ramsay takes a moment to do an insulting imitation of Ben, saying "I'm good, I'm brilliant, I'm from Chicago." That's pretty good, actually.
Now it's Paula's turn. She's on the meat station and has to wait a few minutes for Andrea (on fish) to catch up. Chef Ramsay shouts at Paula for planning on waiting, telling her to bring him the meat as soon as it's ready. She interviews that she doesn't want to hang Andrea out to dry like that. Chef Ramsay tells Paula not to wait for the fish, and also tells Andrea to hurry up and turn up the burners. It's really no surprise that Gordon Ramsay thinks all burners should be on "high" all the time. It's how he lives his life! In an interview, Andrea has no words, so she resorts to an ancient Teutonic gesture to convey her feelings. Paula's tray of wellingtons is deemed "beautifully cooked, again".
An hour and a half in, Chef Ramsay asks Ben what's on. Now, Ben appears to be on garnishes, so he should know. But he says nothing, which leads Gordon to say, "Oh, my God almighty, oh come on. Three dory, two salmon, one chicken. Why is he putting the lettuce in there like that? It's not even sautéed. [Ben: "I don't know, chef."] Look at the mess on this guy." Ben is wiped out and doesn't know what he's doing. Chef Ramsay shouts at Ben for a while about how he's not good enough and eventually throws him out.
"Exclusive" Extra Helping. A viewer asks Gordon Ramsay why he curses so much and if he thinks he needs anger management. "If only you knew what I had to deal with every [bleep] day, you would curse too. [bleep]." .
Ben washes his face and resolves to fight. He goes back into the kitchen, where he is immediately set upon by Chef Ramsay: "Hey, you, c'mere, you. What's going through your mind now? You still going to [bleep] butcher me and slice me and serve the [bleep] to them?" Unsurprisingly, that was not what Ben was planning on doing. Then Gordon calls him a donut!
A raw salmon gets sent back from the dining room, and Andrea gets shouted at for awhile. I don't even know what station Danny's on, which presumably means he's doing it well. Ben gets back in the groove and starts paying attention to what's happening. Good for him. Andrea refires two dory and Danny is sent over to help her out. Oh, he's on appetizers, which I guess means he's been doing nothing since the entrees have started. He interviews that it's annoying to have to back up the person with immunity.
Andrea has some raw dish and burnt tuna and is accused of sabotage. Gordon tells her she's [bleep], and she agrees that she is indeed [bleep].
Back from commercial, Gordon Ramsay sets the scene: "Last order, 'cause you're all so brilliant. Service, please. Stoves off. Best dinner service my ass." After the customers are gone, he tells the chefs it was embarrassing how bad the dinner service was and tells them to go upstairs and decide as a team which two of them should be nominated.
In the dorms, Ben says that Andrea would go up if she didn't have immunity. Andrea actually starts to defend herself, but everyone agrees that she had a lousy night. But given a choice between Danny, Paula, and Ben, there's a stalemate, because if none of them can nominate Andrea and none of them are willing to nominate themselves, it's a three-way tie. Ben seems to take that situation personally. Danny explains how things are and points out that it's really Andrea's call, since she's the tiebreaker.
Dining room! Gordon has apparently done the math as well, because he asks Andrea to name the nominees. First up: Ben, who had the weakest performance of the possible nominees. Second: Paula, because of her lack of communication. With a muttered "This should be quick," Gordon has Ben and Paula step forward.
Ben, why should you stay? "Because I have never given up. I have always moved forward." Hey, Ben liked Meet the Robinsons too! Paula? "I feel like this whole competition, I've been a solid performer --" and that's where she gets cut off and told to get back in line. And Andrea is told to step forward, because Gordon Ramsay doesn't care about rules, even rules he made up.
Chef Ramsay tells Andrea she cooked worse than Ben and somehow caused Ben to cook as bad as he did. "You sunk him!" After an ominous pause, Andrea is still safe, because Gordon Ramsay says he's a man of his word. Now, it's down to Ben. Gordon: "Tomorrow night, I wanna wake up with a clear conscience. And your performance tonight was not as bad as Andrea's. And had she not been safe tonight, she would have gone by now. So Ben, this is your last chance. Back in line." Yeah, it had nothing to do with Robert going home in the middle of the episode.
The chefs are told to shape up. Ben interviews that Andrea is "flying on borrowed wings," which is not actually a saying.
week: "The chefs turn on Andrea", but they all already hate her. And we see Chef Ramsay shouting at Paula and Danny just to keep things weird.
In addition to contributing to The Incomparable, Monty has a blog devoted to Movie Novelizations, cleverly entitled Monty on Movie Novelizations. You can email him at montykins@gmail.com if that's your idea of a good time.
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