Gordon Ramsay's Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 40
Contestants' Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: A whopping 61
Ramsay Quote of the Night: "You guys are [bleep] a bunch of losers."
Last week: The red team won the challenge and the blue team blamed Jen. Well, Jen didn't, but the others did. Then each team made a menu, and Gordon didn't like the blue one, which was heavily Jen-influenced. During the dinner service, Jen, Louross, and Matt got yelled at. Corey and Christina worked pretty well together. Petrozza said Louross should go home, and Ramsay agreed. Anyway, Jen and Matt got flopped back to their original teams, so it's Red Team (Corey, Christina, Jen) vs. Blue Team (Bobby, Petrozza, Matt). For now.
I noticed in this set of Previouslies that they reminded us of the prize. Did you remember that the prize this season is to "work with Chef Ramsay in his new Los Angeles restaurant"? Did you notice the phrase "work with" instead of "be the executive chef for"?
As soon as the chefs are dismissed, Jen tries to talk nicely to Corey and Christina. That's a good idea, but I don't think it's going to help; Christina interviews that they were glad to get rid of her and now feel like they're stuck with her again. Corey and Christina commiserate (in the bathroom, I think) about how they don't like Jen but did like Louross. Corey's plan is to make Jen's life "a living hell". I hear that's what blondes do when they conspire. I read it in a Judy Blume book. Possibly every Judy Blume book.
Meanwhile, Jen is hanging around the patio with Petrozza and Bobby. Petrozza is astonished that Matt is still around. Yeah, join the club, pal. Bobby refrains from outright trash-talking, but he certainly doesn't defend Matt or anything crazy like that.
Everyone goes to bed. It is still a full moon. What are the odds? The morning, they get a call to go do something. I'm a little distracted by the presence of leopard-print panties. That's not what I thought I'd see on a cooking show, you know?
The chefs are herded onto SUVs, blindfolded, and driven to a rooftop somewhere. Chef Ramsay informs them that the building beneath their feet will be "The New London West Hollywood". I capitalized all the words there because I'm not sure what part is the actual name of the restaurant. It looks like a random collection of adjectives and city names to me. He further informs them that one of them will definitely become the Executive Chef, which frankly makes me kind of leery of eating there.
The chefs lift the domes off the serving platters in front of them and discover that they're all now on the Black Team and cooking in one kitchen. Bobby describes the situation as "bases loaded, bottom of the ninth." That's not that bad. I mean, he didn't tell us how many outs there are or the score, so his team could actually be in a pretty good position. Anyway, two beefy bald guys in suits, sunglasses, and earpieces come in with suitcases containing $250,000 in cash, which unfortunately leads to Matt interviewing about how much he wanted to smell the money.
The chefs go downstairs to a construction area, where Gordon rhapsodizes about how extraordinary his restaurant is going to be. I've noticed that he has this ability to attach hyperbolic adjectives to things that don't actually exist yet; he has no problem informing people that they are going to cook "the most amazing little appetizers" or whatever. It does look like a nice space, but it's hard to tell without carpets or ceilings. The chefs are properly impressed, with Jen claiming that she will either get this restaurant or die trying. That seems like quite a thing to guarantee. You'd think she'd wait until Sweeps for that kind of stunt.
Everyone returns to Hell's Kitchen for the first Individual Challenge. Each chef lifts a dome to reveal an ingredient. Matt gets veal (and seems either overwhelmed or inspired by it. Whatever he's feeling, he's feeling it very strongly); Christina gets sea bass; Bobby gets duck (five dollars says he makes a duck version of Buffalo wings); Jen gets beef; and Petrozza gets chicken. That leaves Corey, who guesses that she'll have pork. No, it is a whole lobster. I would find that startling, because I don't normally expect to see giant arthropods when I lift things up. If lobsters are arthropods. Corey interviews that she's no lobster expert. Anyway, the challenge is to cook something unique.
Jen interviews that she is a culinary artist, and that her food is both bold and vibrant. Corey is told to "Make it count, yeah?" Her plan is to make something that tastes good. Matt is told to "Make it work", possibly because Gordon wants to use someone else's catchphrase for a change. He hasn't called anyone a [bleep] donkey in quite some time.
Time's up! Matt's first, and he made a roasted veal loin. Chef Ramsay praises it, sort of, with "Nice. In terms of flavor, there was hardly anything wrong there." This leads Matt to gloat in an interview about how he smells victory. Stop talking about smelling things. It's weird.
, Christina did a pan-seared sea bass. Chef Ramsay describes it as "quite fascinating," but in a good way. Corey shares a high five with Matt because they both made acceptable dishes. Petrozza brings up a chicken breast stuffed with prosciutto and duck confit. It's okay. Corey made an asparagus, pea, and lobster soup. It's tasty, but Gordon isn't happy that she didn't use the whole lobster. Is he going to be mad at Jen for not using an entire cow? Let's find out: she thinly sliced a rib-eye, which he interrogates her about closely before terming it "a very dangerous dish, but you pulled it off." Finally, Bobby has made some kind of duck soup, which is a great movie. It fails, but just barely.
Chef Ramsay says that all the dishes were very good, but it's between Jen and Christina. He heaps praise on both dishes and finally (after like twenty dramatic music stings and some commercials and more music stings) picks Jen. She bursts into tears at the news that she's going to Las Vegas to have dinner with Rock. You know, the guy who won last season? Jen gets to pick one person to bring, which seems like it will be hard since she doesn't like any of them. But she picks Corey, who seems surprised. Me too; I thought they despised each other. Christina cheerfully interviews, "When Jen won the challenge, I was disappointed. But I don't wanna go to Vegas with Jen. She's a bitch!" She says that last part in kind of a confiding whispery tone that I enjoy very much.
The punishment for everyone else is that they have to unload the delivery trucks. Meh. That doesn't sound that bad. Anyway, Jen interviews that she's had issues with Corey, but she's had issues with every single person there. And at least she should be able to have fun with Corey. I can see no fault in her logic. Corey interviews that Jen is a big fakey fake and that she's not falling for it.
Outside the kitchen, Christina jumps into the truck and takes charge of the paperwork, checking each item off the list and making sure everything's there. This has the side effect of making the other chefs do all the box-carrying. Sure, the other chefs are all the men, but they still notice how she avoided doing any heavy lifting. Also, Matt is eye-rollingly disgusted by the idea of rotating stock so the new stuff goes to the back.
In Las Vegas, Corey and Jen are impressed by the suite. It looks pretty nice, but we cut back almost instantly to the kitchen, where Christina is jogging backwards in front of the men on the way out to the trucks. Matt is a big whiny baby who's racking up the bleeps, and they eventually get out to the truck, where they have to get two bags of ice each. Matt complains constantly, saying he wants to be sent home, until Christina calls him on his lousy attitude. He responds just about as you'd expect: "Shut up, Christina." In an interview, he expands on that theme, calling her a "whiny little [bleep]". Man. Dude doesn't like carrying ice, I guess. Not his thing.
Back from his interview, Matt is just sullenly glaring at the other three chefs in the kitchen. "[bleep] all of you guys," he spits, which mostly just prompts laughter and disbelief. That's our Matt! Bobby is practically delighted, saying "Matty's on the warpath! I'm giving Matty fifty feet for about five, ten minutes!" He may be giving Matt fifty feet, but he's needling him from fifty-one feet away.
In Las Vegas, Jen and Corey meet Rock and Terra Verde, which I guess is the place he won. His jacket says "Head Chef Terra Verde", which is nice. Rock emphasizes that Chef Ramsay is looking for "a future chef", not "the best cook". Interesting spin. I don't fully understand it, but it's interesting.
The morning, Matt is babbling on about how it's game on and he has confidence in himself and darn it, people like him. Christina rolls her eyes and tells him to knock it off because he's driving everyone crazy. She tells him he should close his mouth sometimes, to which he responds with the Number One Comeback of the fourth grade: "No, you should close your mouth sometimes." Zing!
Corey and Jen return. Christina tells Corey that Matt went [bleep] crazy, so Matt says "You wanna see [bleep] crazy? This is [bleep] crazy!" and kind of vaguely hits his forehead. I'm pretty sure he's trying to imitate Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon, where he was imitating Curly from the Three Stooges. But it doesn't come off at all. Then he fake-cries, leading to Christina commenting that he's kind of getting scary. There are a lot of shots of Matt fondling knives, but all chefs do that.
Chef Ramsay comes in and reminds them that because there's only one kitchen, there will be twice as much for each person to prepare. Then he assigns the stations: Jen and Petrozza are on appetizers, Bobby is on fish, Corey is on vegetables, and Matt and Christina are both on meat. What? The two people who are at each other's throats are on the same station? What are the odds of that? That doesn't feel like contrived drama at all!
Christina straightforwardly interviews that if Matt gets in the way, she won't hesitate to kick him off the station. Matt interviews that Christina needs to grow up, and also that she's "a nasty little bitch with a lot of cellulite on her ass." Way to take the high road there. Also, I don't think Matt's in any position to be pointing fingers at other people's unsightly asses.
We're open! The menu is the usual stuff, plus the rib-eye that Jen made earlier. Within ten seconds of the first order coming in, Matt has set fire to his pan and has been scolded for blowing on it. Apparently, blowing on a burning pan will just feed the fire and also get burning hot oil on your face. Useful tip.
Jen's first risotto gets a compliment; she's on hot apps while Petrozza is on cold apps. The first cold appetizer is rejected because the bottom of the plate has chives stuck to it where it was resting in Petrozza's filthy workspace. Petrozza interviews, with no hint of embarrassment, that he's dirtier than the average guy. After the bottom of the plate is cleaned, Chef Ramsay actually compliments the food that's on top. So he doesn't have anything against Petrozza, except that he works like a pig.
Jen interviews confidently that she knows she's the best chef there. Naturally, this is followed by her trying to give Chef Ramsay some salty risotto. However, the appetizers seem to be going out smoothly, which means that it's time for the meat. And Matt can't even remember the order that's being shouted at him. That's "regular kitchen shouting", not "furious Gordon Ramsay shouting." We'll have some of the latter kind in a second.
Chef Ramsay takes a moment to berate Corey for not having garnishes ready and does not accept "Matt won't talk to me" as an excuse. She interviews that everyone's in it for themselves and won't step in to help anyone else. Matt mutters to Christina that they have to work together, and she agrees. The thing we see is Christina cooking chicken and beef in one pan. Can you do that? I mean, in a real restaurant? I know it's theoretically possible, but Chef Ramsay does not like it. Christina apparently figured it would save on burner space, but she knows it was a bad idea. And as soon as Chef Ramsay is done with her, he sees that Bobby has salmon and scallops in one pan. Bobby also has no excuse, especially since he's allergic to shellfish.
An hour in, only half the entrees have been served (which would have been a pretty good track record around episode three or four), and some are coming back. The rib-eye is coming back raw. Jen is not happy about her special dish being done wrong, and there is some dispute about how long the meat is supposed to be cooked for. Jen may or may not have told Christina it was four minutes. It's about as exciting as it sounds, so it's a nice change when Corey's pan goes up in a huge blaze, delaying the garnish and giving her a burn. Chef Ramsay orders her to go to the medics, but she refuses, wiping away a defiant tear. Jen describes her as "koo-koo in the head" for talking back to Chef Ramsay.
After the commercials, Corey allows herself to be ordered off to the medics. The medics, incidentally, have black "Hell's Kitchen Medic" T-shirts. I guess they figured if they were going to get all this screen time, they might as well look good.
Out in the dining room, customers are complaining about not having food. Jean-Philippe's plan is to send out more water. I'm not sure that'll do it. Chef Ramsay spots Matt popping something into his mouth, but Matt claims he's not eating; he's just tasting. It does look like he's "tasting" pretty large chunks of meat there.
Corey comes out with a rubber glove on and looks like she's just rounding up pans now instead of cooking. Ouch. Christina gets an order wrong (two rib-eye instead of two John Dory) and gets shouted at from about an inch away from her face. She interviews that her game plan was to keep from crying. He tells her to get lost and asks Matt what's cooking. Matt does not know. Man, at least Christina knew what was cooking, even if it wasn't exactly what had been ordered. Bobby smugly interviews, "I don't know what's up with the rest of those chefs. I hear every word he yells out." And yet, it turns out that Bobby has only one John Dory going, even though Chef Ramsay just spent quite some time shouting at Christina that there should be two. Apparently Bobby is just reflexively saying "Yes, chef." He ends up having the fish ready, but mostly by coincidence.
Then Matt brings up some meat that's undercooked and overcooked at the same time. Upon being told to look at it, he tries to take it off the tray. This leads to Chef Ramsay throwing meat at him, knocking the tray to the floor, and bleeping up a storm. Then Matt reaches around Chef Ramsay to look at a ticket, even though Ramsay is directly asking Matt not to touch him. Matt claims to have a migraine and gets yelled at because Chef Ramsay does not want the ticket taken away. At this point, Chef Ramsay is just staring at Matt in disbelief. He asks Matt what's going on, and Matt mutters, "I'm busy getting yelled at."
Naturally, Chef Ramsay heard that. He hears everything. Is Matt really complaining about being yelled at for serving overcooked meat? He is. Is he arguing with Chef Ramsay? Oh, yes. Matt interviews that he's a team player, and that the problem is that everyone else is not a team player. So the problem isn't you, it's the team? That's why you cooked the food wrong? Got it. It's surprising how much time "team players" spend blaming the team for things they mess up, isn't it?
Matt starts to melt down, complaining about a migraine in every sentence, not knowing what he has cooking ("two of... those") and generally giving up. Everyone in the kitchen, including Chef Ramsay and sous chef Scott is standing around staring at Matt as he takes some aspirin or something. Chef Ramsay takes a shot at humor ("I've had a migraine ever since you walked in here!") and tries to talk Matt down, but Matt literally will not stop talking, saying "I know. I know. I know." through everything Chef Ramsay says. I've known people that did that. It's pretty annoying. Chef Ramsay takes Matt by the hand and leads/drags him through the kitchen and into the back room. He might as well be dragging him by the ear.
Chef Ramsay tells Matt to go upstairs and lie down (which is a good idea if he really has a migraine), but Matt mysteriously wants to work. We go to commercial on Ramsay yelling "Get out!" We actually hear him say it twice, but I think he only says it once.
No, I take that back. Coming back from commercial, we get to see him say it. It's definitely "Get out! [bleep] get out!" There are many more bleeps on the way back into the kitchen. Jen smugly interviews that they all have migraines, but it's not stopping her. Christina (alone on the meat station, which I think is a Clive Barker story) runs across a pot of burnt rice on her station. Apparently Jen just left it on the heat, so now she's being told to leave the kitchen and go up to the dorms. Well, she claimed to have a migraine, so she can lie down for a bit. She interviews that she completely forgot that she put it on. But Chef Ramsay's not done: Christina didn't notice a pot of burning rice this whole time? She's sent to the dorms too!
That seems like a lot of people being sent out, doesn't it? Chef Ramsay thinks so, because he tells all the remaining chefs to [bleep] themselves and closes the kitchen.
Later, everyone's in the kitchen getting yelled at. Everyone is supposed to come to a consensus on two people to get put up for elimination. They're dismissed, but Matt wants to talk to Chef Ramsay for a minute. Ramsay deflates and says "Oh, [bleep] me." Matt wants to complain about his migraine some more. Super. Chef Ramsay is in no mood to stroke Matt's ego so he just tells him if he, Ramsay, were in his, Matt's, position, he'd be fighting for his life. Somehow, Matt takes that to mean that he's Chef Ramsay's favorite and that he has a real chance to win.
Matt joins everyone up in the patio, and they inform him that it's unanimous that he's going up. Matt's eloquent and mature response is to say "Anyone who wants to [bleep] put me up there, it's gonna be a waste of [bleep] time." Why? "I'll fight that [bleep]. Put me up there! I don't even give a [bleep], because you can all [bleep] yourselves. Kiss my [bleep] ass already." In an interview, he expands on this sentiment: "They're all a bunch of [bleep] worthless pieces of [bleep]. You put me up there, I guarantee you all go home before me." Matt leaves the patio to lie down, claiming that he'll get the last laugh. Corey watches him leave with a disbelieving look on her face and makes an ancient Teutonic gesture. Man, can you imagine having this guy as your head chef? Giving wise counsel to the contestants on the season?
Bobby's opinion is that Matt "deserves to get kicked off the universe," and we move on to the phase where they need to pick a non-Matt candidate. Various names are thrown up, and Corey even nominates herself. But we don't learn who it is before we go to the dining room.
Petrozza puts up Matt on the grounds of bad service and lousy attitude. Corey puts up Christina because she was also on the meat station, but mentions that she thought she herself should have gone up. Ramsay agrees, so it's Matt, Christina, and Corey. Corey, why should you stay? Unlike Matt, she didn't quit. Matt? "I keep getting picked on by everyone." Also, did he mention that he had a migraine? Christina, what about your lack of experience? Well, she thinks it's about heart, not experience.
Matt: go home. Finally! What an idiot. Remember that time he made Chef Ramsay throw up with his "signature dish"? He interviews that his career isn't over. Oh, I think it is.
week: A cooking school for models or something. Live lobsters. Squealing. Petrozza thinks the models are cute. The chefs stand in ascending order of height again, which is always funny.
See the reasons that we here at TWoP wouldn't be caught dead eating at Hell's Kitchen.
Montykins is just glad Matt's off the show. Monty also watches a lot of movies, which he writes about on Monty on Movies. You can email him at montykins@gmail.com if that's your idea of a good time.