The Featura font tells us we're now in day seven of this ridiculous outbreak. The helicopters that come bearing the "They" of Ilaria corporation settle in the snow. Incidentally, expert Greek person Nia Vardalos once wrote that the name "Ilaria" means "something that is joyous and funny," so here's hoping that whomever is on this chopper brings some joy and/or humor to a show that is otherwise deadly dull now that Doreen has gone to the great CDC investigation in the sky.
Alan and Sarah hastily dress while they watch the monitors displaying the helicopter landing, and young Dr. Gizmo demonstrates that she really has no clue what one does after one bangs one's boss on impulse. Which… no surprise. I don't think they cover this at MIT. Alan seems a little put off by this, but the two are now far more intrigued by the armored strangers invading the place.
The lead figure acknowledges Hatake's bow, then whips off her helmet to reveal that she's Jeri Ryan, all teeth and great hair. Jeri Ryan is playing "Constance Sutton, Chief Operating Officer of the Ilaria Corporation." She knows who Alan is, and I fervently hope this is not another woman who will end up on the receiving end of his micropippetor, if you know what I mean.
Although Constance feeds Alan the line that she's here solely to cater to him, glorious him, O thou plague-savior of the CDC, we quickly find out that really, she's here to make sure he finds a cure to the virus. Alan tells her he can't really get anything done until Julia's brought up from Level R (we see Sarah in the back, giving her best "Gizmo is sad" look to the man she banged not half an hour ago), and sure, there's the outside possibility that Julia's a goo-spewing monster, but she is apparently the only RNA expert in a research base full of brilliant scientists who have spent the last several months monkeying with the basic building blocks of life, so why not launch an expedition to Level R?
Then Constance and Hatake have a check-in, which she opens with a throat-grab and a shouted, "Two things, Hiroshi! Two things only!" He points out that he created the virus (apparently on Ilaria's request) but there's a slight problem with crafting a cure. Constance reiterates, "Virus and cure. One without the other is meaningless. We don't want to kill everybody, just thin the herd a bit." Hatake gasps, "And rule them." "It's time. We've waiting long enough," Constance says, neither agreeing nor disagreeing with Hatake.
So now we're to believe that Ilaria collected a bunch of pet scientists for the express purpose of creating a worldwide pandemic … that they could then sell the cure for? I really hope they have a separate arctic enclave filled with pet economists pointing out that things like "natural immunity" and "total collapse of civilization" are two potential wrenches in this moneymaking machine.
We also found out that Hatake went off the reservation when he did Narvik A and B, and that once Alan and his ladies find a cure for this virus, everyone on the base is going to be killed. Hatake protests this and Constance points out that this is not new news. She growls at Hatake, "Say it! Say it!" and he looks right at her as he says, "No one gets out alive."
Cut to Anana giving Balleseros a hard time as she snowmobiles across the snowy wastes. I like her, because she keeps this jackball uncomfortable and off his game.
Alan and Dr. Gizmo have a discreet conversation about Constance, where he makes the bold proclamation, "I don't think she's telling us everything." OH, YOU THINK?
One of the problems in this show is that the characters of Alan and Sarah are far too dull to really carry the series as leads. And this is bad, because they're the stand-ins for we viewers – the ones who quietly prefer a world free of goo-spewing ragemonsters, etc. – and because it's all too easy to get distracted by every other character. Dr. Van Eigem was a hell of a lot more relatable as a scientist grappling with mortality than tumor-riddled Sarah, for example, and in terms of investigative savvy, all we've learned about Alan is that he's very good at being white and male and unthinkingly privileged, but beyond that … eh.
Anyway, Alan and Sarah figure that their biggest problem is how to work on a cure without letting it fall into "big pharma's" hands. Too bad there's no Internet connection, because Kickstarter, duh.
Meanwhile, down on Level R, Julia's worried that she's going blind. Apparently getting the silver eyes hurts? Who knew? Hatake seemed fine with it.
And now, Constance tries showing Daniel who's boss, which is adorable because Daniel is an island unto himself. Constance detects Daniel's reticence and says, "I'm feeling some pushback, and I need a quick win, so hear me out on this one, okay?" and I have to ask: Did any of the writers who worked on this episode ever actually work in an office? Or did they just conceive of the character Constance, say, "Put Playboy in a blender with Fast Company and see what comes out." Anyway, Daniel is immune to Constance's charms, which is just delightful to see, but once she realizes this, she switches to Plan B: Making Daniel doubt whether Hatake really loves Adopted Son Number One.
America's new fun couple, Balleseros and Anana, are camping by an abandoned artic warming station for the night. He makes another appeal to Anana to have his hands untied but she just kicks him in the gut and hog-ties him. I love Anana more and more with each scene.
Julia's bandaging her eyes and talking to her hallucination of Peter, and she utters the silliest two lines this show has had to date: "Are you connected to my silver eyes? Is that why I'm seeing you?" As is the case with all useless hallucinations, Peter has no answers. He does asks why Julia's hallucinating him and not Alan, and I snort from the couch, "Because Alan's a boring prig."
Hatake is looking through scrapbook of Julia-surveillance photos (so creepy, that one) and Daniel comes in to report that Constance is trying to turn him against Hatake. "Of course she is," Hatake shrugs. Daniel is clearly waiting for his withholding adoptive father to thank him or say, "Good job, sport!" or something, but it's not happening. As he reaches the door, Hatake says, "Sutton can be a dangerous enemy … she destroys anything that gets in her way." "She said the same thing about you," Daniel counters. Hatake sighs, "What is it you want from me?" and Daniel snaps, "Your trust." Hatake replies that he's trying to protect Daniel, then charges Daniel with making sure Constance never gets access to Julia. Daniel's all, "…?" Hatake's all, "Yeah, I've shared enough for one conversation. Just watch out for Julia, okay?" Way to keep on winning hearts and minds, you cryptic weirdo.
And now, a weird and creepy scene in which we see Constance using a tool to grind down her own teeth.
Another scene where Anana resists Balleseros's charms. I do find it notable that the one demonstrably awful bastard on this show is the only one who manages to talk to women like human beings and actually listen to what they have to say.
Alan and Constance have a confab, and Alan tells her no Julia, no cure. Constance is nonplussed to find out that Alan will be accompanying her security team down to retrieve Julia, mostly because this means we now have to have a scene where Alan goes into Level R, instead of spending the rest of the episode focusing on more interesting characters. No, wait, that wasn't Constance. That was me.
And now, the security systems flash up and Daniel checks a monitor. He sees Anana and Balleseros, and Balleseros lifts up his arms to show he's cuffed. When the two come in, it's chaos for a moment, as Balleseros attempts to tackle Daniel – this, despite the cuffs – and Anana sees a doppelganger for her other brother and flings herself at him with, "Miksa!" Daniel disentangles the strange lady and accuses Balleseros of trying to pull something. Balleseros snarls, "Don't look at me. She's got another one exactly like you back at home." Anana pulls out a picture of her and Tulok, but he's all, "Nice photoshop job." I'll say this for Daniel, he has an admirable sense of skepticism. Balleseros is bundled off to "isolation."
Julia tries to wander around her hidey-hole as a blind lady, but her prep is soon interrupted by a vector who has serious super-strength. Bafflingly, Julia does not rip off the bandages to see the danger until AFTER the vector has seemingly left. But when she stands up, the redhaired lady-vector is back. Julia is very nearly toast until her eyes flash silver and then the vector runs away all freaked out. How handy!
Constance is in Hatake's office. Even worse, she's twigged to Julia being important – and broken into his securely-locked scrapbook drawer to rifle through his album. (This is not Hatake's episode, that's for sure.) We also learn that like Hatake and Julia, Constance has the silver eyes.
The minute Constance leaves (presumably to take her goons down to R-17 to fetch Julia), Hatake heads down his secret back staircase.
Constance and her team prep to go to Level R, and Constance browbeats Alan into arming himself too. He does, and that is right when he sees a security team dragging Balleseros down the hall. Cue Alan launching himself in a blind rage at Balleseros. Constance shouts for him to stop, and once the goons peel Alan off Balleseros, Alan shouts, "That man killed Dr. Boyle." Constance looks at Balleseros and says, "That ma – (to Balleseros) you killed a member of the CDC who was trying to find a cure for this virus? (back to Alan) I promise you, I will make this man pay." Alan would like to see that happen ASAP, but Constance is all, "Our action item is fetching your ex-wife, then you making a cure for this virus, so I'll take Balleseros off your plate."
Cut to us discovering that Constance is Balleseros's boss, and they have a smack-y/kiss-y relationship. Ugh, whatever.
Hatake's come down to fetch Julia before anyone else can, and he's all, "Hey! Nice not having any virus symptoms!" but Julia's all, "Look, I'm technically clear on this whole infection thing but I have crazy, painful silver eyes. Hatake's all, "ON IT." Hooray! He can ingratiate himself to a frightened lady! That's not at all creepy. Nor it is when Hatake wraps up her eyes and tells her that there's a woman coming down to kill Julia. "You have to trust me. Julia, please," he implores.
And now, the sequence in which Constance and her security goons find out exactly how fast and feral the vectors are. At the end of the massacre, Constance is all, "Yeah, Alan, let's put a pin in this."
Alan insists on getting Julia. Constance pulls a gun on him and tells him to get upstairs. Alan thinks he's outfoxed her by pointing out that shooting him now won't help find a cure, and Constance shrugs that she'll either shoot him now or shoot him when he's a vector, and the only non-shooting option is for him to hop to. Alan tries to call her bluff all, "Go ahead, then," but Constance calls his by saying that after she shoots him, she'll tie up the last of the loose ends by shooting Sarah too. Alan can't stand the thought of Sarah's death on his hands, so he caves.
Meanwhile, Anana's making considerably headway with Daniel, who is suddenly a lot more receptive to the idea of a family that is not about the withholding of information/approval/affection/civility. (Also, I think Anana and her relatives would be a riot at Thanksgiving.) Daniel's not calling himself "Miksa" yet, but the fact that he lets Anana ambush Hatake in his office in the scene suggests it's only a matter of time.
Hatake checks Daniel's face and recognizes that it's about to go pear-shaped for him, then the security goons speak up and say they're here to bring Julia back to the lab. Hatake presses a small cylinder in her hand, saying, "Take these – you'll need them. Go! You'll be fine." He nearly cracks after that, but Daniel and Anana block him from chasing Julia.
Alan gets bitched at for Constance for her wasting her men on a fool's errand and he stands, broken-hearted, as he thinks of never getting to Julia. But she's in the lab and looking at the contact lenses Hatake gave her. Cue Alan coming in. The two have an emotional reunion, and it doesn't taken Alan long to notice that Julia's somehow cured. Then the same man who did not notice Sarah's massive scar or tremors twigs to Julia not looking at him once. She shows him the silver eyes.
Speaking of Dr. Gizmo, she's seen the whole reunion. She makes an adorable Mogwai sadness face, then goes off to do whatever it is she does in her spare time. I hope it includes kicking her own ass for not womaning up after that quickie with Alan.
And now, the final scene. It would appear three of the vectors had the brains to ride the elevator's top, and we see them break through the ceiling of the elevator (which is locked in the inoperable position and thus open right to a corridor) and begin stalking down the halls of Level B. Oh, week should be fun!
Lisa Schmeiser is an Oakland-adjacent reporter, editor and blogger. She regularly tweets here, blathers about comics here, and posts the oddball personal piece of writing here.