Turkey. Stuffing. Yams. My fat ass on the sofa. ForEVER. I thought I'd never get to this recap, but now that I have, I wish I were parked back in front of a plate fairly quivering beneath the weight of my Thanksgiving fare. Mmmm...mashed potatoes...
Oh, well.
On Grosse Pointe the show, Laura, Becky, and Kim are exiting the front doors of Grosse Pointe High. Laura can't believe that Becky's passing up a semester in Oslo. "I know," says Becky. "The fish. The fjords." Hee. Apparently, art is Becky's passion. Indicated primarily by the lame-ass daisy she's twirling between her fingers. Yes, all people passionate about art carry daisies. It's a well-known fact. The only thing keeping Becky away from all that whitefish and ABBA is, you guessed it, Stone. Too bad that Becky thinks Stone is having an affair. "Again?" asks Kim. Hee, "again." Laura's all, "Why would you think that?" Boyfriend-thieving ho-bag.
Just then, some skinny blond dude comes running onto the set screaming, "Courtney!" Kev tries to stop him, but since Kev has all the authority of a jar of Dippity-Do, this guy just shoves him aside and keeps on going. Kev nervously speaks into his radio. "Suspicious person entering the set. Possible stalker." Yeah. That oughta do it, Kevvie.
The blond dude storms onto the set, still shouting out Courtney's name. Before he can potentially rid Grosse Pointe of Courtney's winsome good looks, several stage hands tackle him to the ground. Courtney drops her schoolbooks and screams, "Stop! That's my boyfriend!"
Oh, God.
When we return from break, Rob's unconvincingly apologizing to Courtney's boyfriend about the aforementioned tackle. The boyfriend doesn't seem to mind. "It's no problem," he says. "I'm just glad to see you're taking such good care of my Court." Courtney coos and kisses him. Oh, please. If Hank4 pulled something like that with me, I'd kick his ass so hard it'd be protruding from between his lips. Of course, I'm not some hot chick on a WB show and Hank4's not a doofus, so this is really a moot point to make, actually. (P.S. Last week I referred to my significant other as "Ruprecht." This is a name that Sars coined for him when we met her in New York. When Hank4 found out about this nickname, he wasn't pleased. ["Jeez, what a baby." -- Sars] So he came up with his own alias, and "Hank4" it is. Gotta keep him happy. Or no more hanky-panky, if you know what I mean. And I think you do.)
So the boys walk over to a table to eat, with Dave carrying both his AND Johnny's trays. Can we stop this stupid Dave the Lackey thing already? PLEASE? Drop the tray, Dave. DROP IT. Anyway, Dave wants to see this fan's picture, but Dickless informs him that it's an essay contest so there aren't pictures. Oh, I get it. It's a "Win a Date with Dickless" essay contest. Ohhhhh. And here I value myself for my hard-won intellect. It took me almost thirty seconds to figure this one out. Hairless tells Dickless that he participated in a "Win a Date with Quentin" contest once, and that the winner was "sooo hot." He says that the "farm animals" are usually weeded out of these contest things. Dickless asks Hairless how old this contestant was. "Fourteen," Hairless leers. "DUDE!" says Dave, practically throwing up his mac 'n' cheese. "Please tell me you didn't!" "Nah," Hairless responds sadly. "They send a chaperone along so nothing happens." Hairless quickly realizes what that sounds like. "Not that I would have, I mean, with a fourteen-year-old. We're keeping in touch, though. She's not gonna be fourteen forever." All right, all right. We get it. Quentin's a sleaze. First he's screwing Hunter's mother, then he's trying to screw Shawn Shapiro, now he's talking about waiting until some hot fourteen-year-old is LEGAL?! The hell? Like any man with Quentin's male pattern balding would be getting this much play. As if.
Courtney comes up with Seor Stinky and introduces him to the boys as "Deegan." Don't care. He's Seor Stinky to me. Johnny stands up and shakes Seor Stinky's hand and tells him that he's a lucky guy. "I'd say we're both lucky," says Seor Stinky. Courtney bills and coos and kisses him, and I stick my finger down my throat and thank my lucky stars that Hank4 would do the same if confronted with the same sickening PDA. Hank4 rules.
So Hairless wants to know if Courtney told Seor Stinky about their little scene that afternoon. It would seem that Hairless/Stone and Courtney/Laura share a little forbidden lip lock in the hall or something. Seor Stinky sort of acts pissed and wonders aloud about Stone's already existing girlfriend. "Right, that would be Laura's first cousin Becky. But now we're starting to get it on behind her back." ENOUGH WITH SLEAZY HAIRLESS. Seor Stinky replies, "Well, that's pretty reprehensible." Ooooh. Big words for such a small-dicked man. "Yeah, well, it's TV," quips Hairless. Dave and Johnny look at each other confusedly. The cartoon bubble above Dave's head reads, "Reprehensible? The guy's wearing a Paul-Newman-in-Color of Money cashmere v-necked sweater. Let's just talk about how reprehensible THAT is." The cartoon bubble above Johnny's head reads, "What the hell does 'reprehensible' mean?"