Because Grosse Pointe has moved to a different night this week, the announcer gives his little lead-in about the show-within-a-show, and the confusion to which that can lead. Then we see Hunter, Courtney, and Tori2 sitting in the dressing room. Courtney reads aloud from a magazine feature entitled "Kinky Love Triangle." It says, "Hunter Fallow's real-life mom steals her TV boyfriend and sets the stage for a comeback." Hunter makes a bitchy remark and stalks off in her plaid skirt slit up to the waist. Courtney wonders why she even tries to talk to Hunter. Tori2 sees that she's in "What Were They Thinking?" again. She's opened the magazine to a three-quarter-page shot of herself in pink capris, a red sleeveless duster, and a turban. Under the image of smiling, waving Tori2, it says "fashion FAUX PAS". Oh, how sad. "Well, your turban is pretty," comforts Courtney. Courtney's wearing pink capri pants and a pink top with a few red flowers, so no one should listen to her, ever.
While having her hair brushed, Hunter overhears vomit-inducing banter between her mother and Quentin. "My God, you're huge," Helena says as she strokes Quentin's bicep. She hopes it's believable that someone her age could seduce a toned young man like Stone. She claims to be thirty-nine years old, and Quentin says he's twenty-seven. Then they each admit they're lying, and throaty laughs abound.
In a scene of Grosse Pointe the soap, Hunter's character Becky is clearing the table and crying. Becky's mom comes in and asks what's wrong. Becky worries that Stone's been cheating on her because she's not pretty enough for him. The mother character comforts her. Meanwhile, Quentin and Helena sit offstage and whisper in each other's ears, giggling and oozing hormones. The scene is cut, and Hunter stomps over to her mother. Helena applauds effusively. Hunter says she wasn't even watching the scene. Helena says, "Why, sure I was! I can do two things at once." "Good to know," says Quentin, to Hunter's disgust. Mary, the woman who plays Becky's mom, walks by, and Hunter introduces her to Helena. "You guys can tell each other apart because at least she pretends to listen when I talk," says Hunter of Mary. "Well, maybe you can teach her some manners," says Helena. Mary and Quentin look at each other like two deer caught in the headlights of drama-queen steamrollers.
Afterwards, Dave asks Johnny why he's wasting his time on Courtney, who will never "give it up." Johnny is sure that Courtney won't be able to resist the "ultimate aphrodisiac" that is going to a premiere with the star of the movie. "Dude, the dog is the star of the movie," says Dave.
On the set, we see that Take 1 of Scene 12 is starting. Quentin/Stone writes on the chalkboard while Helena/Ms. Gander feels him up. Hunter/Becky comes into the classroom and asks what Stone's doing. "It's called Algebra 2, Becky," says Ms. Gander. Becky apologizes, picks up her notebook, and leaves. Stone does a lunge against the desk in his tight jeans, saying that he can't continue his affair with Ms. Gander because he doesn't want to hurt Becky. Ms. Gander assures him that Becky will never find out. She kisses him. The scene is cut, but Helena and Quentin keep kissing. When they finally break, Quentin says, "I really liked that last time," or something like that. Hunter, nauseated, runs off of the classroom set with Tori2 and Courtney in tow. Hunter expresses dismay that her mother is sleeping with Quentin. "Do you know how many uncles I've had?" she cries. "Not to mention aunts!" Courtney's bumpkin sensibilities are offended.
In Quentin's trailer, he and Helena bask in some afterglow on his couch. She's in a dress, but he's only wearing a black robe that he got from Frederick's of Hollywood. "Now I know why they call you Stone," Helena purrs. Kevin walks in with some rewrites or something. "We were just rehearsing," Quentin says. "And if you tell anyone, I'll have your ass fired!" Kevin quickly exits as Helena begins to rub Quentin's foot. She asks if he's ashamed to be seen in public with her. She wonders why he didn't ask her to the premiere. Quentin vehemently states that he isn't going to "watch flashbulbs pop in Johnny's face." Then he asks, "What's with the stopped rubbing?" Helena resumes massaging his foot and points out that their off-screen romance is more newsworthy than Johnny's dog movie.
The wardrobe mistress watches Tori2 pose in a pink piece of stretch-satin shit. It's very tight on her butt, and that figures prominently in the foreground of this scene. Tori2 doesn't like it. She wants to look like "Jennifer Lopez. You know -- sexy. Classy." Yeah, because those are the words that spring to mind when I think about Jennifer Lopez. She did say "skanky" and "flashy," right? The wardrobe mistress, who looks like the fortune teller on whom I wasted $10 at the flea market last summer, says that she does have one dress that's "to die for." But not everyone can pull it off. It'll take posture, commitment, and stamina. Tori2 can do it! She begs to try it on. Hunter comes out of the dressing room in a flouncy off-the-shoulder maroon number. There are little transparent straps over Hunter's shoulders, holding everything up. Wow. So that's how they do it. I guess if you go to a celebrity function in real life, you see those little straps on everyone. But when you're watching from your beat-up sofa at home with your Hot Pockets and your generic soda, you think it's all magic. Or double-sided tape. Hunter's arching her back as hard as she can, but it still doesn't do anything for the dress's dcolletage. I'm reminded of Gwyneth Paltrow playing dress-up with that pink thing at the Oscars. Hunter brags that she looks good in everything. The wardrobe mistress doesn't know who's going to look sexier -- Hunter or her mother. Hunter throws a tantrum when she learns that Helena's going to the premiere with Quentin. She says Helena's only doing it to spite her. "Yeah," says the wardrobe lady. "That and the sex."