Gold Diggers

S09E18

A few weeks into their hospital ownership, the Grey + Sloan Memorial Hospital board is ready to reopen the newly redesigned ER which now features a fancy space-age x-ray machine that can take scans and bake cookies in under a minute. Owen, April, Jackson and the interns are all salivating to use it, but of course they don't get a chance for most of the day. Only one scary emergent patient is brought in after an ATV accident and she's in such bad shape she needs to go straight to surgery. Her dad turns out to be terrifying and only gets meaner and meaner each time Smash tries to give him an update on the girl's surgery. After it's over, Derek goes out with Smash and winds up having to practically tackle the guy to calm him down, and we all learn a lesson about trying to be Zen but doing what needs to be done, or something like that.

Derek is also trying to be Zen about dealing with Meredith, whose way of handling her pregnancy fears is to assume and vocalize all possible worst-case scenarios about the baby. Her patient is a super sweet teacher; Mere thought she had gallstones but in surgery realized she actually has super advanced cancer. The woman is devastated and doesn't want to see her students because she can't bear to face them with the news. But when they show up in a giant group, she decides to let them visit and then carefully starts to prepare them for the fact that she won't be returning to school. That evening, Derek tells Mere she has to stop voicing all of these potential horror scenarios because he can't deal, and he has her face her fears and go get an ultrasound where they find out the baby is a boy, and he's doing great.

Alex has a young cancer patient who coincidentally also has a crush on Princess, so they decide to start pranking big-armed Jason because they are both jealous. Richard catches on to their grade-school antics but just when you think he's going to chastise Alex he instead tells him to up his game. This includes getting Jason to give a urine sample to Bailey which she most certainly does not want. Jason finally realizes who is behind it and though Alex says it was all because of his patient's crush, Jason realizes that Alex has got it bad for Princess and gets the last laugh by rubbing Alex's face in how Jason will be banging her in the bathroom at Joe's later. Stay classy, boys.

Arizona continues to improve to the point where she gets herself a high-heel-capable prosthetic, and she's also feeling good enough to finally promise Callie a night of sex. After a few hours of walking on the leg, though, she gets super sore and Callie realizes that once again nothing is going to happen. She's also annoyed because Arizona still won't let her have anything to do with the actual medical aspects of her condition. But when Callie finds her hiding out in pain, she finally forces Arizona to let her take a look on account of her being an orthopedic surgeon and she pretty quickly realizes it's soreness in her leg and nothing to do with the fit of the prosthetic. She gives Arizona a massage that seems to break down the last of the barriers between the two and that night they finally get down to some super sexy times.

April is frustrated because she's not having sexy times with Matthew, which is what she thought she wanted but since she knows what sex is like now she's having a hard time going without. She spends a lot of time comparing her not-sex life to the woefully unused fancy x-ray machine. But at the end of the day a patient is brought in after some sort of crash and everyone watches in joy as the machine does its thing; Owen comments that it was worth the wait and April seems to apply this to herself and calm down for now.

Bailey spends the day running around after the various board members, trying to pitch them on the gene mapping research she wants to do. They all keep putting her off until she's able to corner Mere and Cristina, and once they hear her out they seem kind of interested. They are both still a little bit uncomfortable with having to make all of the hospital's financial decisions and it's not helped when Cristina does a crazy cutting-edge surgery with Jeff only to find out later that he was just pitching her for money and not actually wanting her help. They are able to shift the budget around and give Bailey the money she needs and we find out that they got the money by taking it away from Jeff. He's livid but Cristina cheerfully tells him that she's going to be his assistant to make up for the few that will have to be cut, which ultimately makes everyone happy again because he still gets to do the phase of his trial while she gets to practice cutting-edge medicine once again rather than just crunch numbers.

This week Meredith warns us that when work is slow, doctors are prone to play jerky tricks on each other or to spend their time worrying. (I could be paraphrasing.) I think she should have VO'd about the dangers of eating Greek yogurt and honey over your laptop while writing a recap. But maybe that's just me? The ER is still closed, the signs are still up, but beds are now installed and Cristina and Owen are flirting in front of a big fancy new full-body x-ray machine called LODOX. Owen waxes poetic about how this will save time, money and lives while Cristina looks incredibly proud of herself and asks if he likes his new toy. He does, so she throws her arms around him and orders him to say thanks. With his hot body.

Back at their apartment, Callie is sitting on the sofa, wringing her hands while she waits for Arizona to finish up whatever she is doing. It's clearly leg-related since Arizona wants no help at all from her wife. Finally, she opens the door and walks out looking amazing in a t-shirt, underwear, and high heels. She finally got a high-heel leg! Callie gets all hot for her, but Arizona says she has to practice walking so that she can wear it to work. Callie's face falls in disappointment but she sucks it up and forces herself to be supportive.

The McMansion only gets more awesome -- they have a fireplace in the master bedroom! It's roaring and Meredith and Derek are lying in bed while he tells their baby about the first time he went fly fishing. Meredith is reading a pamphlet and optimistically muses about all of the things that could be going horribly wrong with the baby as it grows. Derek looks exhausted at this -- it seems like this is not the first time they've had this conversation. He finally tells Mere to stop talking, while Mere begs the baby to stop kicking. The baby is probably just pissed that she's assuming all of these awful scenarios.

When they arrive at work we see that Grey + Sloan Memorial Hospital has a new logo laid in the floor, and fancy new coffee sleeves as well. Mere asks Cristina to confirm that the cost of the sleeves was worth it and Cristina reminds them of a long, painful meeting they had about branding, so yes. The takeaway is that they have been swimming in grown-up decisions since taking over.

Behind the desk, a sheet is hanging over something on the wall and Jackson says he assumed it's because they were having some sort of unveiling. Richard adds that it would be unlucky if they didn't have someone at least say a few words. Callie and Arizona then walk up and the heels are definitely agreeing with Arizona, who looks amazing. Callie proudly turns her around to show off how her ass is popping, and the ladies all excitedly tell her how amazing she looks. Welcome to a conversation that can generally only be had between women. Callie, though, offers the guys a one-time pass to admire her wife's ass. Richard is the only one brave enough to try and compliment it but when he tells her it's a "fine glute" Arizona quickly shuts down this conversation so that they can do the unveiling. Jackson seems to have changed his mind and points out that the painters probably just left the sheet by accident; with no ceremony at all he pulls it down to reveal the sign with the new hospital name, EST. 2013. Everyone does seem to be momentarily wowed but he then sends them all to work with no speech, good luck be damned.

Cristina is reading a magazine featuring an article about the hospital and she's quite proud about the article and about how good the gang looks in the pictures. Mere is still fretting about all of the various things that could be going wrong with the baby now that it is at 28 weeks but Alex is there and he dismisses most of her fears since they are all things that can be treated or fixed. Cristina chimes in each time Meredith suggests something cardio-related, telling Mere impatiently that they'll fix anything if it is wrong. Cristina then gets distracted when she turns the page and finds an article about a guy with whom she went to med school. He's been written up for some crazy new cardiac trial he's doing with his attending, and Cristina is appalled that he's now "beating" her. She storms off while Alex teases Mere with a story about a delivery gone wrong. Instead of getting mad, Mere seems satisfied that finally someone will play along.

Alex and Princess then visit their Patient O'the Week, a 12-year-old kid in the hospital with cancer. He looks a little Beiber-esque, with an oversize stocking hat on his head, and he's flirting hard with Princess. Big-armed Jason then runs in and asks if she wants to come observe him doing a c-section. She teases him about finally doing real surgery and asks Alex, who dismissively tells her he doesn't care. Mini-Biebs has been watching all of this with his face growing darker, and he finally pulls out some tube that I suspect was attached to a catheter and winds up shooting liquid all down the front of Jason's pants. He acts all innocent and apologetic but gets insulted when Jason calls him "little man." After Jason and Princess leave, Alex calls him out for doing it on purpose and while he agrees he tries to say that you can't do that to another doctor. Alex gets ready to leave but Mini-Biebs tells him he's got an idea for something they can do to Jason. Alex is skeptical but intrigued.

Owen gives the interns and some other filler hospital staff a tour of the new ER, which features a new electronic patient board which is connected to individual workstations at every bed, as well as the Pegasus tablets. After showing them all this, Owen proudly takes them over to unveil the LODOX, and the doctors all gasp in pleasure. Heather volunteers to be a guinea pig so that they can try it out, telling a story about a marble that she stuck in her nose when she was six and which has never been recovered. Everyone is a little taken aback, as per usual with Heather, and Owen tells them it's not a toy and they'll wait for a real trauma. On cue, a nurse calls out that paramedics are on their way with an ATV accident victim. Jackpot!

As Jackson walks down the hall, Bailey runs after him and begins a sales pitch for a human genome mapping program that she wants to start. He just tells her that there's no money since they spent it all on the new ER. When she tries to hand him a folder with her proposal, he declares that today is his day to finally practice some actual medicine and brushes her off. He's not quite as mean as it sounds, but he's still a little rude.

The ATV victim is a 16-year-old girl involved in a collision, and Owen and the others run her to the LODOX. But before they can start the 13-second scan, Owen realizes that half of her face is basically peeling off and she's at a risk of stroking out. He sends her with Smash up to Derek in the OR without passing go or collecting $200, much to the disappointment of the other interns. Heather again offers the chance to search for her marble.

Smash then goes to talk to the girl's dad, Mr. Kramer. The guy is wild-eyed with fear and though Smash assures him he's got the best neurosurgeon in the history of man working on his daughter, the guy wants absolute answers and a guarantee that they are going to fix her. He blows up when Smash mentions that she wasn't wearing a helmet and explains that he always made her wear a helmet every time they rode together, and that she had just taken hers off to take a photo when some other guy crashed into her. Kramer threatens to hunt that guy down and crack his skull open and then screams at Smash to get back to work.

Bailey finds Cristina and chases her down the hall while making her pitch but Cristina is on a mission of her own to find Jeff. She's pissed that she's been dealing with policy instead of doing research and is determined to get back to work to beat her med school nemesis in the research game. Cristina isn't interested in Bailey's cutting edge research because she wants to find her own, and wants it to be cardio-related. Jeff walks up and is thrilled to hear this last part. He tells her that he has a procedure that afternoon that he thinks she'll like, and they walk off, leaving Bailey a bit miffed.

Big-armed, pink-scrubbed Jason goes to the ER in response to a page but he can't find whoever actually paged him. Meredith is doing an ultrasound on Martha Kent, who is in the ER with abdominal pain. She's a teacher who hadn't taken a day off in 28 years but finally was felled by the stomach flu and stayed home, where she found she has a love of cooking shows. Mere is pretty sure she's got gallstones that can be removed laproscopically. Martha isn't thrilled about needing surgery but takes it in stride and figures at least she has some more time to relax and watch people cook things while she recovers. She is delightful, so surely something will turn out to be horribly wrong.

By Lauren S

When Mere walks up to the ER desk with her tablet April excitedly shows her how the info she just put in automatically changes on the board with a happy ding. They then get to chatting, with April asking about the baby and Mere asking about Hot Paramedic Matthew. April says sadly that he's perfect and wonderful and she'll probably have to break up with him. When Mere asks why, April desperately asks if this is a real question, pleading that she needs to talk to someone about it. Mere is now a little bit terrified, but she's in too deep and has to be the ear April wants. April tells her that Matthew has never... been to the carnival, and he thinks April has never been either but since she has, and she's ridden the rides, she's missing the carnival greatly and wants him to go too. Mere realizes she's talking about Jackson the Human Carnival Ride and points out that she's not the one to ask since she loves the carnival and goes as often as she can. She finally proposes that there must have been a reason God let April go to the carnival already, and maybe that reason is that she's then supposed to take Matthew. April can't wrap her mind around this and realizes that she really did ask the wrong person.

Derek, meanwhile, has to remove a giant chunk of ATV girl's skull to get to the damage in her brain, and things look pretty bad. When he tells Smash to go update her dad again, Smash balks, but Derek assures him that he's really good with this kind of thing. He calmly gives Smash some tips to start with the positive news, and not make promises he can't keep. Smash is terrified but finally agrees to channel Derek and tries it out by announcing, "It's a beautiful day to save lives!" Oh Smash, you are awesome. Derek is not quite as impressed as I am.

Cristina is in an OR with Jeff and is nearly orgasmic as she watches him do work with his new lotus valve. She explains in awe about how groundbreaking it will be for valve operations and medical blah blah technical details n'stuff. He tells her that phase 2 of his trial has been going great and phase 3 is bound to be "a hoot." She's so excited about the technology that she doesn't pick up on the fairly obvious point that this is totally a pitch and she's even less inclined to realize it once he hands over the apparatus and lets her do the procedure.

April is gazing dejectedly at the unused LODOX when Callie walks up and remarks on it, and April likens it to a sad carnival ride with all of the lights turned off, going to waste. Callie doesn't know yet that April has just roped the unsuspecting LODOX into her sex life metaphor and gets a little confused when April continues to muse about why God would put this gorgeous thing in front of them if not to use it? Callie points out that this machine actually was intended to be used, and April just shoots her some giant puppy dog eyes until Jason comes up, trying to answer another mystery page.

Alex then documents this and all of the other fake pages and shows the photos off to Mini-Biebs, who dubs Jason a tool for searching all over the hospital. Just then, they hear an announcement calling him to proctology and have another laugh. Alex then tries to excuse himself to go be an actual doctor but Mini-Biebs has another idea and plays up the "dying cancer wish" angle to get Alex to agree to do it.

Martha is asking Mere questions about her diagnosis and Mere has the unhappy task of admitting that chemo might buy her more time but that there is no cure for it. Martha is understandably devastated, but tries to pull herself together when three of her young students unexpectedly show up in the doorway. She gently chastises the kids for skipping their after school study session and when they complain that their sub, Mr. Arnold, sucks, she reminds them that they don't use that word. Of course, she is beloved and wonderful with these cute kids who adore her. When they ask for confirmation that she'll be back soon she's at a loss for words, but eventually tells them of course she will be. She then has Mere back her up, which she does, quite sadly, since they are both fibbing to adorable children now.

Smash comes back out to update Mr. Kramer but as before, Mr. K can't absorb what's being said or deal with the lack of concrete answers regarding his daughter's condition. When Smash tells him they'll be operating many more hours and that they have to wait and see how extensive the damage is, Mr. K begins to scream, demanding to know if she is paralyzed. When Smash continues to try and explain that they won't know yet, Mr. K screams and backs him up to a wall, slamming his hand against it right to Smash's head. He threatens that Smash shouldn't come back until he has some actual information, and Smash looks plenty fine with following those orders.

Martha, now also gutted about lying to her students for the first time, cries to Mere that she just couldn't bring herself to do it. Mere gently asks if it might help her to try and help prepare the kids. But she's bereft, having gone from thinking she had the flu to realizing she could likely die before the end of the school year, and absolutely thinks she can't do it. Martha finally cries, "This sucks!" and adds that (as we heard earlier) she doesn't usually allow the word, but right now it fits. That gets me, because when my grandpa was in the hospital with pneumonia and was intubated, he communicated by writing on my mom's palm with his fingers and one of the first things he said was, "This sucks." And we are super lucky because he came through it and is now in amazing health, but there are times where you really can't say anything else.

Heather, Leah and Jackson are hanging around the ER, trying to come up with something good enough to get Owen to let them try the machine. Finally, Heather manages to get to him with the lure of a patient with a badly sprained ankle. They all look shocked when Owen begins to entertain the idea.

Callie finds Arizona looking at some scans and slides into the room to ogle her ass some more, but Arizona isn't feeling sexy and instead complains about how her leg is sore and it was probably dumb to wear heels all day since that hurt even before she had one fake leg. Well, true, but as a woman who wears heels most days when her knees tell her she shouldn't... they just look so good! But she still refuses to let Callie take a look at it, insisting that Callie is her wife and not her doctor. It's finally too much for Callie, who slumps and comments flatly that they aren't having sex tonight. Arizona seems genuinely surprised so Callie explains that she already knows that when they get home they'll play out a familiar scenario with Callie getting ready for sexy times and Arizona turning her down. After that, Callie guesses, she'll look disappointed and Arizona will beg her to understand since Callie knew her leg was hurting all day. Arizona looks taken aback and asks, "What kind of manipulative bitch do you think I am?" Callie, to her credit, is quick to point out that Arizona is neither, and that she herself is the bitch because Arizona has been uncomfortable for a long time but Callie just can't keep being patient about the whole situation like a good person would be.

Jason somehow hasn't realized yet that he's being punked, and runs back to the ER excited that he finally knows the name of the person who paged him. The nurse tells him he's welcome to try, and so in classic Simpsons style he calls out for, "Ms. Taylia? I'm looking for Jenny Taylia?" I'll give y'all a second to say that out loud. Naturally, everyone starts laughing and he realizes what's up, while across the room Alex and Mini-Biebs share a fist bump. It's as indiscreet as it sounds and Richard catches it and calls Alex over. But instead of yelling at him for being an immature ass, he tells Alex that he should up his game.

As Derek continues to work on Susie's brain, Smash starts to panic during a risky portion of the surgery because he's afraid something will happen to her and Mr. K will actually kill him. Derek, as if he's talking to his unborn child, tells Smash the soothing story of his first fly fishing experience. Smash is confused until Derek points out that this just calmed him down. Then, in dulcet tones, he explains that they are about to do something risky that could go terribly wrong and the only way to get through something this scary is to be calm. Knowing that a lesson is being taught, Susie's brain conveniently starts to swell and Smash starts to freak out again. But Derek asks questions in a calm voice, and Smash is able to come up with a solution.

Cristina and Jeff come out of surgery, and she can't stop exclaiming over the revolutionary and exciting lotus valve. She asks Jeff when he's going to start phase 3, and he answers that that is up to her. Her face falls as he explains that he needs some pocket change to the tune of $12 million dollars to keep this research going. Cristina almost pathetically comments that she thought he was bringing her on to the trial, but this was all just a pitch. He chortles in response and crows that it's great to have someone on the board that understands what he's doing. But as he walks away he misses the sneer on Cristina's face -- she may understand him, but he doesn't understand her if he thinks she's just going to happily give up the chance to work on this and just be an administrator instead.

She finds Mere in the lounge and complains to her about the administrative stuff taking over her whole career but Mere only half pays attention because she's focused on the kicking baby inside of her. She begs Cristina to talk to it since, she explains, her own voice makes baby kick more and she hopes that maybe Cristina's is soothing the way Derek's is. For how easily she can speak to Zola, she's a stilted mess talking to Unborn Grey/Shepherd and Bailey walks in to witness the disaster. But when she hears Mere begging Cristina to just say anything, Bailey jumps in and introduces herself to the bump and begins to give it her genome mapping project pitch. Mere is just excited that it is working so Bailey goes on; she can't help getting in a little dig about all the money the board spent on logos and coffee sleeves that might have gone towards her research. The girls finally realize she's talking to them, but they are interested and accept her proposals as she sucks up her pride and asks them for the money. Once she leaves, Cristina has some sort of revelation that will help her crush Med School Nemesis.

I guess Owen wound up nixing using the LODOX for a sprained ankle because he finally calls Heather over and offers to try to find her marble. She scurries over and climbs on to the machine while the rest of the staff excitedly lines up to watch. But just as they are about to start they get a call that the real deal is coming in -- a motorcycle accident with extensive crush injuries. Owen shoos her off of the table.

Big-armed Jason finds Bailey and with a flourish hands her a full specimen cup. She gives him a look that should turn him to stone as she asks if that is really his pee but he's unfazed, mentioning the memo that said she was the contact for random drug testing. Across the room, both Bailey and Jason catch Alex and Richard laughing up a storm -- I have no idea why they seem unable to clear the room before they start cackling, though eventually they do run off. Jason grabs his specimen cup and stomps out as Callie walks up to Bailey, her hand mercifully devoid of a container of urine. Happily, Callie tells Bailey that they found the funding for her project. Bailey is still thinking about the prank she just witnessed thinks this is a really cruel joke but after a lot of explanation, Callie convinces her that it's true. Cristina called a quick emergency board meeting and they were able to shift some funds around from another department. Bailey finally squeals in glee...

...as Jeff storms up to Cristina because he just saw that his budget for phase 3 has been cut. He yells about losing the funds for two needed residents and research assistants but Cristina is very calm and tells him that in their place, he'll have her. He's confused as she is not four people, but she promises to do the work of four and to knock his socks off. She adds that she'll do everything he needs and also any projects she finds on her own, and he's to go ahead and pile as much work on her as he wants. He's doubtful, but she tells him mock-grandly that the board believes he can make this work.

Callie then finds Arizona looking at scans again and reports how happy Bailey was at the news of her research funding. But Callie quickly realizes that Arizona is in pain again and despite Arizona's denial she has her sit down. Arizona says that she doesn't want to keep saying yes and then not following through, but Callie brushes that off and calls herself a jerk for putting pressure on her wife. They are both right and I'm just thrilled that they're having these conversations rather than shutting each other out and things getting super ugly again. Callie then locks the door and tells Arizona she's going to adjust her leg. Arizona is horrified and embarrassed but Callie is all business and insists, beginning with the order that Arizona take off her pants. And she really does mean that in a totally non-sexy way. Arizona is horrified when Callie reaches up and takes off her prosthetic and then won't look at her for a few moments but Callie forces her to do so and then realizes after a moment that the pain is in Arizona's leg and has nothing to do with the prosthetic -- something that Callie sees often and can help with. She starts massaging Arizona's leg and though Arizona won't look at her, she finally admits that it's helping. As an olive branch, she then offers to give Callie a massage but Callie laughs off the idea because of Arizona's "girly hands." Arizona finally relaxes enough to sincerely thank Callie, who reminds her that right at this moment that's "Dr. Torres" to her.

Mere walks into Martha's room holding a large, colorful "Get Well Soon" poster but admits she's not sure if Martha wants it. Martha realizes that this means her students are actually there and Mere can't help but smile as she admits there are a whole lot of them in the lobby. She offers that she can tell them Martha can't have visitors, but Martha has her bring the super cute poster over so that she can take a look and mull it over.

In the ER, the crushed motorcycle dude is placed on the LODOX and all of the staff gathers to watch. Heather and Leah count the 13 seconds it takes to run the scan and then the x-ray is up, which shows a body that seems to be bendy in ways nature did not intend it to be. Leah exclaims that to see all of these breaks they normally would have to run at least 15 different scans. Everyone is beaming over the magical machine, and Owen conveniently just happens to turn to April and say that this was definitely worth waiting for. Of course, this hits home for her though she still looks tortured.

Derek and Smash are finally done with their surgery and they gear up to go talk to Mr. K. Derek gives Smash a pep talk and a reminder to stay calm and start with the good news first. They walk into the room and Smash starts out by telling Mr. K that his daughter is alive. But when he continues that they won't know more until she wakes up, Mr. K starts yelling again and tries to throttle Smash. Derek hollers at him and gets in the middle of the fight, practically tackling the guy. He screams that the girl is alive, and repeats it a number of times while Mr. K looks at him with a psychotic comic-book face, teeth bared and eyes bugging out. It would be funny if he weren't so genuinely scary. Derek gives him the rundown and adds that it's no good for anyone for him to fear what they don't even know yet. Hmm, that could apply to a situation Derek is in, too, couldn't it? Mr. K finally breaks down crying and wails over and over, despairing, that she always wore a helmet. He grabs Derek, who half-holds him while he sobs. Everyone is sad.

Martha of course couldn't resist the poster, and all of the kids gather in her room around her bed. They complain more about Mr. Arnold some more so she offers some suggestions of what they might make the situation a little bit better. Finally, after a pause and a long look at Meredith, she sucks it up and asks brightly what else they might do to help him if Mr. Arnold was their teacher for the rest of the year. The kids come up with ideas, but one of them realizes what's going on and tries to get her to say she'll come back. She's silent, and one girl starts to cry just a little. Martha takes her hand and asks what would happen if she didn't come back. The boy says that it would suck, and then quickly apologizes for use of the forbidden term. Martha doesn't get on him this time and instead agrees, and Mere leaves them as Martha keeps the mood bright and asks for more suggestions for Mr. Arnold.

Once Mr. K is sitting by his daughter's bed, Smash asks Derek what happened to being cool and calm. Derek says immediately that it would have never worked with this guy, and you just have to shake the hell out of some people. And speaking of, here comes Meredith, ready to go home! Derek asks about the baby and she says that it's stopped kicking, so it's probably dead. Derek can't handle it anymore and tells her seriously to stop it. She finally admits that it makes her feel better to be prepared in case something bad happens, while Derek wants her to stop thinking about it -- both of them ultimately have the same point, which is that they have no idea how this is going to turn out. But then Derek remembers that they own a hospital full of helpful machines and takes Mere to find out all they can about their baby. How... did they not think to do this before?

While Princess talks with Mini-Biebs in his room, Richard and Alex are hanging outside, laughing about their oh-so-mature-and-clever prank on Jason. Richard warns Alex, though, that if anyone finds out what happened he's throwing Alex under the bus. I mean, seriously? They were running around, laughing like schoolboys, feet away from where the prank took place, with Bailey and Jason staring at them. Do they think everyone is blind? Richard admits he's scared of what Bailey would do, somehow not realizing that she's doing nothing since she SAW IT ALL. And of course, when Jason walks up Richard immediately runs. Jason smiles and tells Alex brightly that they really got him with those pranks. Alex lamely smiles back and says that Mini-Biebs has a crush, and they were just having fun. Jason is an intelligent human being who has lived in the world, though, and knows that Mini-Biebs isn't the only one with a crush here. He smiles and tells Alex to have fun laughing with the kid about it while Jason is nailing Princess in the bathroom at the bar. He then goes in to say hi, while Alex watches, all sad at the romantic idea of Jason and Princess doing it amongst the grime of Joe's restrooms.

Back at their apartment, Callie is in sweats and seems to be at ease with not having sexy times, but when she walks into the bedroom she's struck dumb by Arizona lounging on the bed in lingerie. Arizona asks coyly for another leg massage and then when Callie obliges, keeps flirting that she needs to go a little higher... and higher... until finally the two of them share a big, long kiss.

I really wouldn't have thought that Derek and Mere needed to own the hospital to have an ultrasound. Regardless, they are ready to do it and Mere is fretting about the baby having two heads. Of course once they can see it on the monitor it's a nicely formed baby with a single perfect noggin.

By Lauren S

Bailey saunters up to Jackson and reminds him that she thought he was too young and inexperienced to run the hospital but then admits that she was wrong. She promises him that she's not going to disappoint him, and then thanks him sincerely. Jackson smiles and it seems that thanks was just what he needed even if he hadn't yet realized it.

Cristina walks up to Owen with her arms full of research that she has to get through that night. She's happier than she's been in months to be bogged down in actual cardiac-related work, while he's still on a LODOX high. She asks if he's going to stay late to play with his toy, but when he cries that it's not a toy, they both look in and see Leah and Heather running a scan for fun. They then hear a delighted cry that Leah just found Heather's lost marble.

Derek and Mere are watching the screen and happily count ten fingers on their baby. Mere then freaks out when she thinks she sees an extra finger, but pretty quickly they realize that's not what they are seeing and that they are having a boy. They both look overjoyed and clasp hands, while Mere reminds us that not always focusing on work is a good thing so we can get some perspective on what's really important in life.

Lauren S is a writer who lives and works in Atlanta and appreciates a high-quality coffee sleeve. She wants everyone to know: "The views expressed in my recaps and anything else I might write on TWoP are my own and do not necessarily reflect the views of my employer."