Judgment Day

S09E11

About a month after the events of the last episode, Meredith and Derek wake up in bed both excited for the day, but for different reasons: he's happy that it's the last day of her first trimester so now she can tell Cristina she's pregnant, while she's happy because the judge is coming back with a ruling in their case that will either make them rich or send the case to trial. As it turns out, they win, to the tune of $15 million dollars each. Callie is the only one who is excited about it, and she strong-arms everyone into having a celebratory dinner that the rest of them feel a little gross about attending.

Cristina and Owen are having lots of sex while Owen still continues to dodge questions about What It Means. The good thing is, at least for now, they seem really happy. Mere still isn't ready to tell Cristina that she's pregnant, but Cristina admits to Derek that she knows, and she's sure Mere knows she knows, but that Mere hasn't told her because she isn't ready to be happy about it yet. Cristina assures Derek that she'll do it in her own time. Overall, things are pretty good for Derek -- his wrist seems to be healed, and Callie is ready for him to test it out. She does this through ping pong, which she makes him play for 8 hours since the movement is similar to that which he would be doing in a long surgery. Since Smash is on his service, he's Derek's opponent and lets him win every game. Derek calls him on it and is able to goad him into playing for real. The others all gradually find out about it and watch from outside the conference room; Princess and Alex even make a $1,000 bet on the outcome. Oh yes, because they are friends now and she's sleeping at his house on the floor after their drinking sessions. Smash actually wins the game, but Princess uses her winnings to buy a couch and a six-pack for Alex which she insists is totally just a nice thing and not a girlfriend-y thing since she thinks of him like a brother. So they'll be doing it soon.

Speaking of doing it, Jackson and Stephanie are still hooking up but trying to keep it secret. Of course they aren't as discreet as they think and Leah figures it out; Jackson realizes that it's only a matter of time before everyone knows so he goes and tells April about it so that she will hear it from him first. She's floored, and she admits that she misses him and misses their friendship. He tells her that they can be friends but she's not ready since she still all she wants to do is kiss him every time she's near him.

Mere and Heather have a patient with a strange mass in her abdomen, and Mere offers Richard the chance to scrub in with them on the surgery since he still hasn't gone back to operating since Adele died. Catherine keeps trying to get a hold of him but he's avoiding her as best he can until she comes to the hospital to talk to him face-to-face. He winds up yelling at her because of how guilty he feels that they were having a relationship while Adele was dying, and then takes Mere up on the surgery to get away from her. The mass turns out to be a giant hairball (oh yes) which Mere saves for Richard's secret collection of surgical oddities and after they talk, he winds up going to find Catherine after all. She tells him that she just wants to be there for him as he grieves, and finally he lets her take his hand.

Mere, Derek, Cristina, Arizona and Callie do wind up having dinner, but no one other than Callie really wants to be there. Arizona tells them about her day, where she watched over Jackson performing a five-hour surgery she disagreed with, but which was ultimately successful. Callie points out how awesome it is that Arizona is now able to stand for five hours straight. She goes on to remind them that Derek's hand seems to be fixed and Cristina is happy enough with Owen to be sexting him during the meal, and that while they all miss Mark and Lexie terribly, those are good things that they should be celebrating. It really is quite touching, and everyone finally agrees to clink their champagne glasses. Everyone except Mere, who happily announces to everyone that she is pregnant. The mood is so jolly that Derek even gives Owen a call -- earlier that day they had a tense conversation where Derek blamed Owen for the crash, but Cristina confronted him about it and said Derek had to forgive him and move on -- and invites him to join them. Owen appreciates the gesture but tells them all to have a good time. After he hangs up, he then walks in to a meeting regarding the settlement where he learns that the insurance company found a loophole and is refusing to pay -- that means the hospital will have to pay, but since they don't have that kind of money, they will have to declare bankruptcy and close their doors.

Day breaks at the mountaintop McMansion, and Derek and Meredith are cuddling in bed; both are excited for the day though it turns out they are for totally different reasons. Derek is excited that it's the last day of Mere's first trimester and he thinks she'll go ahead and tell Cristina now. Mere was excited because the judge might have a decision in the plane crash case, until Derek came along and rained on her parade. He dismisses that idea easily and assures her that the case is going to go to trial and it will be months, and gets awfully frustrated when Mere insists on keeping an open mind about the outcome. He orders her to focus on the baby, relax, enjoy herself, and to tell Cristina she's pregnant. Yes, Derek, a frustrated order is what is sure to get Mere to finally relax. She VOs that the big day is here, test results are back, and that's good because then you can move on. "Whatever that means." All of the doctors here have particular strengths, but "moving on" isn't really one of them... for anybody.

Owen sneaks into Alex's house with two coffees and sees a slender brunette with curly hair crouched in front of one of the cupboards wearing only a t-shirt. He tiptoes up and then slides his hands around her waist, moving them north until he realizes that the chest in his hands does not belong to his ex-wife but in fact to one of his interns. Princess freaks out as he apologizes profusely and then runs out of the room.

Cristina, sitting in bed with her coffee, finds this to be the funniest thing she's ever heard. Owen's still mortified but he giggles as he crawls into bed to her. So, the divorce is going well, it seems.

Once she's fully dressed, Princess recounts her humiliation to Alex because apparently they are friends now and she spends the night at the house after their platonic drinking sessions. She's (rightly) appalled that he has no glasses in the house -- nor, I'm guessing, does he have spoons and bowls since he's eating cereal from the box. She also has to sleep on the living room floor because he has no furniture, and she says she's not drinking with him again until he gets a couch. She leaves as he claims that she can just drink out of the faucet, and illustrates how it works. So Alex is now a homeowner who is too mature to sleep with interns, but other than that he's regressed to living like a frat boy.

At the hospital, Jackson walks up to Richard with a tin of cookies and a note from his mom that he's been ordered to read out loud to make sure Richard hears it. Richard is just embarrassed and tries to put Jackson off but Jackson forges ahead and reads that Catherine's in town for a surgery but not sure if Richard got any of her messages. She's worried about him, and wants to make sure he's okay. Richard is embarrassed, but tells Jackson to pass on that he's fine and then manages to politely decline the cookies.

Owen just catches the elevator and runs in to find Derek, who doesn't say anything but just delivers a sidelong glare. After an awkward moment, Owen tells Derek he heard that there might be a judgment, and he hopes that it works out for them. Never one to accept anything with grace, Derek spits back, "No you don't." He reminds Owen that would mean that the hospital was negligent and he did something wrong. "Which you did." I love that it doesn't seem to occur to Derek that Owen would be fully aware of his hand in the tragedy and beating himself up for it already. Owen just nods and says its obvious Derek has been thinking that for a while, and he's glad he got it out. As he exits the elevator, he turns back and adds that for the record, he really does hope it works out.

Cristina and Alex see each other in the lounge and Cristina calls Princess Alex's girlfriend; he corrects that she's not, but he knows it's weird because she's hot and always hanging around. He makes the age-old claim that he doesn't look at her that way and to prove his point, adds that it would be like the two of them sleeping together. Cristina is appropriately grossed out. They laugh about Owen's copped feel, and Cristina giggles like a schoolgirl when she talks about her ex-husband sneaking around to see her. Jackson comes in to drop off the rejected cookies and tells them his mom has ordered him to assess Richard's mood. We learn that it's been a month since Adele died and while Richard is back at work, he's not yet doing surgery. Jackson can't figure out if he's appropriately depressed or too depressed.

Princess claims to be mortified about what happened but still tells all of her fellow interns about and Heather really wants specific details on how exactly she was grabbed. Jackson walks in just as Stephanie is illustrating what happened with her hands on Leah's boobs. Leah is on Jackson's service for a facial reconstruction, Smash is excited because he's with Derek and thinks that today might be Derek's return to surgery, Princess is working with Cristina and Heather is with Meredith. Stephanie tells Jackson she's got scut that day and casually asks if she can tag along with them. Jackson is carefully blasé as he agrees with a shrug.

Once they are in the hallway, though, they put their heads together and cackle about how sly they are since no one suspects that they are sleeping together. And honestly, who would possibly guess that they are involved when they are whispering delightedly with their foreheads practically pressed together? Well, any remotely intuitive person, really, but in this case it's Leah who catches it and isn't fooled when they leap apart and start talking loudly about the history of the shunt. Truth be told, I'm shocked they've managed to keep their shunting secret for an entire month.

Derek walks in to a conference room to find Callie setting up a small net across the table. She thinks that after his last surgery they tried to get him back in the game too fast, so this time she wants to take baby steps. Derek tries to argue even before he knows what she has planned but she refuses to let him speak and reminds him that he is the patient and she the doctor. It turns out that the motion he would use in some particular surgery is similar to that of hitting a ping-pong ball, so she's going to have him play to see how he does. Oh, and the surgery usually takes about eight hours, so that's what he's going to be doing all day, with an unsuspecting Smash as his opponent.

Bailey meets a couple of ambulances in the bay and is introduced to her patients: a couple who have had an unfortunate stripper pole accident. The husband, Leonard, has a crush injury, but he's more worried about his wife Sheila. (Played by Beth Grant, who I think of as one of the townspeople in To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar as well as the lady who freaks out and gets blown up on the bus in Speed.) (Spoiler alert?) (Yes, my awesome taste in movies continues to be awesome.) (What?) From her cries we learn that she had a stripper pole installed in their bedroom as a surprise for their anniversary and poor Leonard was definitely surprised, especially as he merely wanted an iPad. I have no idea if Sheila's name is a wink to Sheila Kelley, who is widely credited with having started the stripper pole workout craze with her program, S Factor, but I like to think that it is.

Cristina is enjoying Catherine's worry cookies and tells Mere the story behind them; when April hears Jackson's name she tries to casually ask about him but no one is fooled. Cristina is surprised that April is still pining for him and teases her about it so April storms off. ("Cookie" was used all through the hour as a metaphor for "vagina" but it all felt a little twee to me, so I'm generally ignoring it.) Mere asks casually if Cristina is back together with Owen and Cristina immediately becomes sincere and dreamy as she admits she doesn't know what's going on, but the sex is awesome. Mere is skeptical, not least because Cristina usually manages to avoid sincerity at all costs. Cristina turns the subject to Mere and asks pointedly if she has anything to tell, but Mere lightly tells her there is nothing. So Cristina either knows or suspects the pregnancy -- that much is for sure -- and it does feel like Mere knows exactly what Cristina is asking but is choosing to play dumb. Cristina walks off but Mere gets a page and calls after her.

By Lauren S

Derek's phone is ringing but he's ignoring it because he's in Competitive Man Ping Pong Zone and Smash is kissing his ass regarding his mad ping pong skillz. Arizona walks right and grabs the ball saying he needs to answer the phone because their lawyer needs them at the courthouse immediately.

Callie sprints through the hallway and into the courtroom, flustered and apologetic for getting stuck in surgery. Arizona, Derek, Mere and Cristina all look kind of blank and she assumes the worst but finally Arizona manages to say quietly, "We won." Derek explains that since the airline had a history of mechanical problems and it was public record, so the hospital should have known and they have been found negligent. Callie starts to smile -- she's still the only one -- and then asks if there was any mention of the reward. And was there ever -- Arizona tells her in an empty voice that they are getting $15 million dollars. Each. None of them seem to have any idea what to think.

Their attorney is also all smiles as she says that the insurance company needs to go through their usual procedural hoo-ha but that pending an appeal, they will then issue everyone their big fat checks. She and Callie appear to be the only ones who are happy about it. Derek gets up to go back to ping pong and Arizona follows him since she has a surgery. She tells him that it happens to be a kid he and Mark operated on years before. Callie stops everyone and rather desperately tries to convince them that they need to celebrate, but they all look like she just suggested they go for a trip in another small, unreliable aircraft. She admits that "celebrate" is too strong a word but thinks that after all of their months sitting in rooms together, talking about this, they should at least sit down and share a meal to commemorate its being over.

By Lauren S

Bailey examines Sheila, who explains that her pole accident came when she tried to execute a "sexy flexy" which does appear to be an actual move, according to the interwebs. Bailey tells her she bruised her tailbone so she must have landed on something hard, but Sheila tells her sadly that she landed on her husband and there was, in fact, nothing hard about him. What I want to know is, why was he standing directly to the pole where she could fall on him? That's not giving him any kind of sexy nor flexy vantage point and merely makes him a target if something goes unsexy or unflexy, as ultimately happened.

Bailey then goes to see Leonard and takes April with her, telling the story as they walk in. She then leaves to set up a scan and poor farmhand April can't hide her shock at the notion of a scandalous pole-dancing accident. Leonard tells her to take her face right now, and then imagine how he felt. Leonard sounds like a guy who actually could use some more sexy and flexy in his life.

Mere, Cristina and Derek are in the elevator, musing about what they could do with all of their money, while Alex sneers at them from behind. Mere muses about buying a house but this gets upgraded by the others until somehow they are buying multiple football teams. Clearly none of them are actual football fans if they think $15 mil each is going to get them a team. Stick to the houses, kids. Maybe they can pool their money to get Troy Polamalu to be their pool boy for a season. Alex finally can't take all this talk of their buckets of money and gripes as he gets off the elevator that he should have been on the plane. Ah yes, how easy it is to forget that if he'd been on the plane, he might be dead right now, or at least short an appendage.

Jackson's facial reconstruction patient is a teenager named James with a condition that prematurely fused his skull bones together as a kid and resulted in what James calls a "weird-looking face" that is all out of proportion. His mom admonishes him but James seems to be pretty awesomely well-adjusted and at ease with his condition, more than most teenagers would be. Mark had been his doctor for most of his life and he and his parents adored and miss him now, but since they know Jackson was his "guy" they trust him. Jackson throws them for a bit of a loop, though, when he suggests a more radical surgery than what Mark had planned which involves moving all of the bones of James' face forward, rather than just his jaw. He and Stephanie can't help but be flirty as they explain everything, and Leah is not blind and sees the sparks. James' parents seem a little nervous at the idea of a new plan but Jackson explains how James' development went differently from what Mark expected and the family seems open to it. Arizona then comes in and greets them all but when she hears that about the new surgery, she calls him into the hall to "discuss."

As the three walk off the elevator Mere comments that she doesn't want to do dinner and the other two seem to agree. Heather runs up needing help with a patient, a teen who is nauseated and has a distended stomach but swears she isn't pregnant. It's all a convenient way for Mere to laugh and comment that teenagers like this always say that and then they are always pregnant -- Cristina hears this and raises an eyebrow. Mere leaves with Heather and Cristina muses that it's a problem, people claiming not to be pregnant when they really are. At this she turns on Derek with a flourish as if pulling a rabbit out of a hat but he actually smiles when he realizes that she knows. Cristina points out that Mere's boobs got huge and she's eating everything in sight, so it wasn't a big mental leap to figure it out. She hasn't told Cristina yet but Cristina assures Derek that Mere knows she knows. "She'll tell me when she's ready to be happy about it." She then congratulates him and leaves. For the show's faults, I will always love the best friendship between Mere and Cristina and how well they know each other.

Heather's patient Taylor turns out to really not have a bun in the oven but she does have a completely overbearing mother and a habit of chewing nervously on her hair. She can't answer any of the doctors' questions because her mom steamrolls her and obnoxiously gives every answer with a special snide flair until finally Mere manages to usher her out of the room. Taylor is in awe of Mere's ability to actually handle her mom. Mere then comes back in and instructs Heather on how to deal with interrupting parents -- make them leave -- and Heather goes back to examining Heather and the unexplained lump in her abdomen.

As Derek plays ping pong, he's called Jackson up to discuss James' surgery at Arizona's urging. Jackson thinks the new plan could give James a better future, improving his looks 5-10%. But Derek argues that it's a riskier surgery with a longer recovery, and he advises Jackson to stick to Mark's original plan.

Cristina runs into Owen, who panics when he sees Princess heading their way. Cristina points out that they are working together and orders him to relax, but he can't seem to contain himself and after she gives Cristina the rundown on a patient, Owen tries to explain that their hair is similar and from behind... Princess stutters that it was an honest mistake but gratefully bolts when Cristina gives her instructions. Cristina then turns to Owen and mocks him for making things even worse, teasing him all the way into a room where they can make out.

Once they come up for air he mentions the judgment, and she admits that it hasn't really sunk in yet. She then invites him to the Bad Idea Dinner and thinks that if he were there it might actually be fun, but Owen tells her that Derek won't want him there. She's surprised to hear it but Owen takes it in stride, saying he understands why Derek feels that way. Cristina admonishes him for acting like a martyr but he holds firm and finally distracts her by kissing her again. He tells her they should forget the crash and everything else and just enjoy being there in the moment. Hmm. He still seems awfully concerned with enjoying naked moments together and refusing to think about anything long-term between the two of them. Some little bitty alarm bells are starting to ring in the distance.

Meredith goes in search of Richard and finds him in his secret storage area where he keeps all of his medical oddities. Mere is in awe as she looks around at all of the jars and excitedly picks up one full of pennies, saying she remembers that patient from her intern year. Richard holds up another jar with scissors that the guy swallowed a year later. He's wary as to why Mere is there and she offers to have him scrub in with them on Taylor's surgery since it could be interesting. Richard turns her down and when she expresses worry he assures her that he's fine, and he needs to just be left alone. Reluctantly, she agrees to do so.

Jackson's panties are in a twist that Arizona told on him to Derek, but she is defiant and itching for a showdown about James' surgery. They are interrupted, though, by Callie trying to figure out a babysitter for Sofia. Callie doesn't know any of the girls' names and remembers them by unflattering nicknames a la Cristina and her interns. Jackson is anxious to leave but Arizona motions for him to stay as she tells Callie to get the sitter who has worked for them longer. She then turns to Jackson and uses that to make her point, saying that when it comes to this case he's like the new babysitter who doesn't know where they keep things in the house. Arizona isn't actually just trying to stir up shit for shit's sake -- Mark was really invested in the case and that's why she wants to stick to his plan. Jackson admits that he'd come to her to tell her that's what he decided to do after all; shocked, she thanks and apologizes to him while he scowls and stomps out.

Bailey goes to Sheila and breaks the news that her unsexy unflexy fall caused a rib to puncture her husband's diaphragm, so they are going to have to do surgery but it should be an easy fix. Callie then comes over with an inflatable donut to make her ride up to radiology a more comfortable one. It seems no indignity is spared when you have a pole injury. Sheila asks tentatively if the x-ray will be affected by her having metal on her... cookie. It turns out that she decided to try out Jennifer Love Hewitt's favorite pastime of vajazzling, and she lifts up the blanket so that Callie and Bailey can check it out. Bailey is disgusted while Callie is actually rather delighted until she's quieted with a glare from Bailey.

After Derek has a particularly good ping pong shot, Smash is a little too "golly gee willikers!" as he declares that Derek won yet again. Derek calls him out on letting him win but Smash readily admits to it, saying that he knows that beating Derek would be a poor career move. Derek changes tack and tries to goad him into it, but Smash just calls him on that and claims that Derek won't like it "when" he loses. Hmm, so maybe that's the other reason Smash is so clueless with women -- in his few off hours during med school he was perfecting his ping ponging. Derek tells Smash that he needs a real test for his wrist and then bribes him, saying that if he wins Derek will help him get on a surgery the day with Dr. Ramsey, whoever that may be. Smash, well, smashes the ball across the table and with a dead serious face announces that the score is now 1-0. He looks ready to take on Venus and Serena with that scowl.

Richard is talking to someone at the nurse's station when Catherine walks in, not content to have her cookies delivered by someone else any more. She declares that she's taking him to lunch and won't be deterred by his polite excuses. She admits that she is about him and as she asks if he is eating and sleeping, she puts her hands gently on his chest -- that's the magic move that causes him to come unglued. He grabs her hand and growls that she's not his wife, and in fact his wife died while they were "carrying on." Mere walks up in time to catch the end of the heartbreaking show, where Richard yells that his eating and sleeping are none of Catherine's concern, and he doesn't want to do anything with her. "I don't want you here!" She just looks at him with hurt in her eyes so when he sees Mere, he makes an excuse that they have a surgery to get to and walks off, leaving her almost in tears.

Princess and Alex are watching the ping pong grudge match through the window and she asks him what he plans to do for furniture since she's sick of sleeping on the floor. Where was she living before she and Alex formed this oh-so-totally sibling-like drinking-centric friendship? He thinks that if he holds out, Cristina will break down and furnish the entire place. I think manic furniture-buying is more of a one-time event, but hope springs eternal. Princess then decides they should bet $100 on the game, even though she doesn't really have that much to pay up if she loses. Callie joins them and compliments herself on the state of Derek's wrist while Princess decides that betting even more money she doesn't have would be an even better idea and she ups the stakes to $500. Callie then goes into the room and calls time out to check out how Derek's wrist is doing. Smash is all riled up and starts talking smack, then quickly apologizes when he realizes what he's saying to his idol. He's actually getting to Derek, though, who thwacks the ball across the table to score a cheap point. Callie tries to remind them that this is just a game and a form of physical therapy but they ignore her. Derek also tries to ignore the talk of the dinner; Callie wants him to act excited about it so that the others will hop on board. The problem is that Derek isn't actually excited about it, so she resorts to a bit of desperate pleading before leaving them to the game.

By Lauren S

Poor Bailey is totally flabbergasted by her Patients o'the Day, and as they operate on Leonard she wonders aloud whatever happened to good, old-fashioned, non-pole, non-vajazzled sex. "When did plain old 'get nekkid' become boring?" She also muses that men are probably trying to bedazzle their penises, too, which really conjures up an interesting mental image and a lot of logistical questions... I'm going to try not to think about it. Poor April is also trying hard not to think about it and Bailey muses that Jesus probably isn't a fan of vajazzling. They hear a laugh from the end of the table and look up, Bailey questions, "Bohkee...?" Ha! Well, well, still waters run deep. And sparkly.

Richard did actually scrub in for the surgery; presumably after leaving Catherine like that he had to do so to seem credible in front of whoever witnessed the uncomfortable scene. He's not really keen to discuss his state of mind and wants them to focus on the surgery, which takes a turn for the gross when they pull out a big, black mass. It turns out to be just what it looks like -- a hairball the size of a rat there as a result of Taylor nervously eating her hair. Heather chooses that moment to comment, almost as if she's unaware she's saying it out loud, that she used to eat dirt. So, you know, in case we forgot, she's the weird one. Isn't it enough to have her just be "the likable one"?

The crowd watching the ping pong match has grown to where the hallway is filled with doctors we've never seen before nor will ever see again. Alex walks up to Princess and she tells him that it's the final point, advantage Smash. She's so confident that she challenges Alex to go double or nothing and like Derek goading Smash into the game in the first place, she's able to get Alex to agree. As soon as he does, they have a ferocious volley and Smash wins the game. Derek is, as always, a poor loser and tries to immediately start another game but Smash dances around and crows that he won, he's in on the surgery the day, and Derek better call and get him on Ramsey's service or else he'll... he again realizes that he's caught up in a not-so-smart career move and immediately apologizes again and thanks Derek for the opportunity. Derek tells him they are playing one more game, but this time he's playing with his dominant hand. I've got to admit, when he first picked up the paddle I thought to myself that I didn't think he was left-handed, but then I forgot about it. Now that we know that he isn't actually left-handed it makes his play that much more impressive. Which again begs the question, how did all of these doctors get so skilled at ping pong??

Alex is really unhappy that he owes Princess $1000 and tries to put her off, but she dances around him and says she'll walk to the ATM with him to get the cash. The hospital must have special High-Yield ATMs that dispense drug-deal-sized piles of cash unlike regular old pesky ones with things like limits.

Richard has retreated back to his House of Horrors again and Mere walks in with the hairball in a jar, calling it too cool to go to medical waste. She's sad at the idea of Richard throwing all of these weird specimens away, but he explains that when he looks at each of them, he sees a holiday or vacation or the like that he missed with Adele. He says that everything he sees there reminds him of his failures. Mere looks heartbroken for him but he pulls himself out of his funk and changes the subject to the settlement. Now it's Mere's turn to reflect sadly, and she calls the settlement "blood money" since her sister is dead. (Which does make me wonder -- do Lexie's and Mark's families also get a settlement or is that just for the four survivors? I wonder if we'll ever find that out.) Richard tells her it's a good thing, and asks, "Haven't you suffered enough?" Mere tosses it back to him and asks, "Haven't you?" Touché.

Bailey and Callie join April at Sheila's bedside and give her the good news that she really does just have a bruised tailbone and can go home. They also let her know that her husband will be released in a couple of days and will be fine as well. Sheila thanks them, but when Bailey hands over a baggie with her vajazzles and warns her a little bit condescendingly to stay off the pole, Sheila snaps at her that she just got back from her honeymoon and she should just wait and see what things are like after 45 years of marriage. She just wanted to spice things up and have some sex rather than giving up and sitting in front of the TV for the rest of their lives. Callie assures Sheila that Bailey is sorry, but Bailey glares at her and doesn't look very contrite. Sheila cries that the worst thing is that her husband looked embarrassed for her, and that hurts more than a bruised tailbone. She demands to know if it's wrong to want to celebrate her anniversary with sex, and the other three all quickly assure her it's not to try and hold off a total breakdown.

In the OR, Jackson tells his two interns that he's going to show them how to prep for the somethingorotherthatisn'tMark'splan. Arizona walks in and overhears it, and freaks out since Jackson had told her earlier that he was going with the original plan. Jackson tells her calmly that he was, but he wasn't comfortable doing that. When she challenges that he can't just change his mind during surgery he replies that he didn't; he discussed it with James and his parents and another plastics attending. As she gets increasingly upset he gets mad and announces with finality that Mark isn't there anymore, so he has to do what he thinks is best. He sits down and begins to do just that, while Arizona crosses her arms and pouts.

Callie is musing to Bailey about what might be going on with Sheila and Leonard and when Bailey continues to have no sense of sympathy or humor about the situation she calls her on it, figuring that as a woman just back from her honeymoon she should appreciate an older couple with a healthy sex life. Bailey argues that she does and then stutters a bit before rushing through an anecdote from her honeymoon, during which she had sex... once. It seems Ben wanted to have sex on the beach, so on the first night, they did so. However (and this is something I've always wondered about and the very reason why personally I do not have a burning desire to have sex on a beach or other similar location with lots of granules of stuff that can get stuck in... crevasses) Bailey got sand in her ladyparts which resulted in a nasty infection and sand flea bites on her "boo-tock," as the local doctor called it. Consequently, Bailey has no time for anything other than good old getting nekkid in a nice, fluffy, clean bed. Callie tries to keep a straight face but finally can't help herself and begins to absolutely howl with laughter.

She goes from there to the survivors' dinner where there is significantly less laughing and instead a lot of uncomfortable chewing and small talk. Arizona tells Derek about Jackson's surgery and says that she stood there for all five hours to make sure he didn't mess anything up. Callie listens and then approves a bottle of champagne that a waiter brings to the table. Arizona begs her not to make a toast but Callie insists and once she starts talking, she actually has some really sweet and valid points. She points out that Arizona was able to stand for a five-hour stretch without a second thought; Derek was able to play a monster game of ping-pong and his wrist felt so good that he wanted to keep playing -- his ego may have been bruised but he had nary a twinge in his wrist. Cristina gets a text and smirks as she starts quickly writing back; Mere outs her and tells the group that she and Owen are sexting. This in fact works into Callie's toast -- Cristina and Owen are at least reconciled enough to send inappropriate messages to each other during a somber dinner, and Callie notes that Mark would have especially enjoyed that. She gets serious as she points out that they are all trying to move on and while it feels weird and they miss Mark and Lexie, it's also exciting. Callie has to take a moment to regain her composure at those two names but she then smiles through the tears and orders everyone to toast. Mere turns down the champagne and Callie pleads with her that she has to have some; Cristina starts to smile when she hears Mere say quietly that she can't. Finally, Mere smiles too as she speaks up and tells everyone that she is pregnant. Cristina grins and congratulates her while they all cheer and clink, finally, in celebration.

By Lauren S

Stephanie must have admitted to Jackson that the word is out, because he goes and finds April to tell her about the two of them. Her face falls, and she tries desperately to act nonchalant but it obviously hurts. He admits that he didn't want her to find out but since gossip will probably spread he wanted April to hear it straight from him. Finally, in response, she manages to tell him she misses him. She's totally embarrassed to be upset and admits that they used to be friends but now things are weird. He thinks they can still be friends but all she can think about when she stands in front of him is how much she wants to kiss him, so she's not ready to be friends yet. She finally thanks him for telling her and walks away, into Leonard's room.

She informs him that Sheila is fine, medically, but after a moment goes to his side and announces unceremoniously that Sheila is horny and needs some sex. Somehow, the pole and the vajazzling were hints that were just too subtle for poor Leonard but now he gives a knowing, "Oooooooh," like she just turned a light on over his head. April confirms that the "equipment" is working and orders him to go ahead and use it already, because if she was married she'd be doing it all the time. He's stunned, but doesn't seem opposed to it, either.

Back at the house, Princess leads Alex into the living room with his eyes covered and then dramatically unveils a new couch with a six-pack of beer sitting on it. He didn't have to con Cristina into furniture after all, because Princess used her winnings to buy him a sofa so that now she has somewhere to sleep when she's drunk. Alex is a little unnerved since he thinks this is a really girlfriend-y move but she once again insists that's gross and he's like a brother to her. She sits down and cracks a beer, and Alex eventually does too while he ponders how weird it is to have a girl who is just a friend. He admits that Mere was also just a girl-space-friend but comments that she probably wanted to do it with him at some point too. Princess calls him a douche and orders him to shut up and drink, and they clink bottles to their sibling-like friendship.

After Callie's toast, it seems like the booze really started flowing at the celebration dinner. Derek calls Owen and orders him to come down, telling him that he knows the crash wasn't his fault and he's moving forward. When Owen doesn't seem to be rushing over, Derek puts Cristina on the phone. She rather drunkenly tells Owen that she doesn't know what their status is right now but it doesn't matter because she's drunk and happy and wants him there with her so that they can have sex in the bathroom. Owen chuckles at the magnificence of this drunk dial, and tells them he'll join another time and to enjoy the party while Meredith VOs that ignorance is bliss, because once you learn the diagnosis, there's no going back.

By Lauren S

Catherine having dinner and a glass of wine alone at the restaurant where she and Richard had their first real date when Richard walks up, and while he doesn't apologize, he says sadly that he should have been there and he thinks he failed Adele. He won't let Catherine interrupt and instead admits that he feels like he lost the right to grieve when he started seeing another woman. But Catherine just tells him gently that this is grieving, and he shouldn't have to do it alone. Gently, she tells him she'd like to just hold his hand, and she puts hers out across the table. Slowly, he reaches over, puts his hand in hers, and breathes what might be his first deep breath since Adele's death.

Jackson goes to visit James whose face is bruised and bandaged, but more in proportion than it was previously. James' parents thank him on a job well done but he gives Mark all the credit, saying he just took it into the end zone. Out in the hall, Leah watches while Stephanie gazes adoringly and reports that "Jackson" thinks James might not need another surgery. Leah immediately jumps on her use of his first name and then goes on a rant about how everyone made her a punchline for sleeping with Alex, but now Stephanie is also sleeping with her boss. Stephanie gasps and asks how Leah knew and as has happened a million times before and will be said a million times after, Leah answers that she didn't know, but now she does. She gives Stephanie a knowing smirk and saunters off while Stephanie absorbs what she just did.

I think what they were mocking Leah for was much more her endless pining for Alex and not just the sex, since Heather slept with him too and got none of the grief. For all of her weird quirks and inappropriate admissions, Heather seems to be the most well-adjusted of this crop of interns. She visits with Taylor and tells her she'll have to learn to stand up for herself, which is then immediately put to the test when her mom bustles into the room, screaming about Taylor's hairball. Heather interrupts and tells her that it's an actual condition that makes people want to pull out and sometimes eat their hair, but that they will set Taylor up with a therapist. This is too much for Mommie Dearest, who announces that she's just going to make herself stop, and that's that. In a rush, Taylor finally finds her voice and yells that it's a medical condition and she is going to take her to see a therapist. Mom has no idea how to react and is stunned into silence but Taylor looks at Heather and smiles proudly. So kids, the lesson is to stand up for yourself, and also to not eat your hair because it turns out that digested hair is like that old wives tale about chewing gum -- if you swallow it, it will just sit in your stomach and accumulate until you have a giant, disgusting mass in there.

By Lauren S

Owen then walks in to a conference room where the newest female board member is sitting with their attorneys, going through mountains of paperwork. She announces that the insurance company found a loophole -- no more than two attendings were ever supposed to be on a plane at once, so when Arizona took Alex's place they violated that rule -- and they are therefore refusing to pay. And that, my friends, means that the hospital has to pay instead. Owen is confused as he reminds them that they don't have that kind of money lying around, but she knows that already. She tells him matter-of-factly that they will have to go bankrupt and close the hospital down. Ruh-roh.

Back at the restaurant, Meredith again reminds us about the bliss of ignorance as the five happy, ignorant survivors gather and have someone take a picture of them, grinning sincerely for the first and maybe the last time for a while.

Lauren S is a writer who lives and works in Atlanta and would totally hire Troy Polamalu to be her pool boy. She wants everyone to know: "The views expressed in my recaps and anything else I might write on TWoP are my own and do not necessarily reflect the views of my employer."