Duck, Duck, Jerk

S06E22

So in a fit of I don't know what, Owen asks Cristina to move in with him, using the totally unromantic "my shrink thinks it would be a good idea," but he does sound excited and Cristina, drunk at a party Derek is hosting, totally agrees. She's totally stoked about it, so Mere and her Death Glare of Judgment decide to drop the bomb that she's suspicious of Owen and Teddy. Unfortunately, even though she's already said more than Derek ever would have wanted, Mere decides to stop there to keep his secret, and refuses to give a now freaked-out Cristina any specifics. I hope she managed to make herself feel better, because she basically managed to muck everything up enough to get it off of her own conscience while selfishly not following through. Cristina watches Owen and Teddy as they work together throughout the day but with a lack of anything concrete from Mere she seems willing to believe the best even though some little doubts are obviously creeping in to her head. It doesn't help that their patient is an old man who hears the voice of Callie's patient and recognizes her as the best friend of his (now dead) wife, who he fell in love with 50 years earlier on the eve of his own wedding. Having to spend the day watching a couple admit they should have married each other when they had the chance instead of doing the right thing certainly isn't helping Cristina cope. Mere at least finally tells Owen that he needs to sack up and admit what he did, and he does, and it doesn't go very well, so that whole moving in together is postponed for now.

In happier couple news, Lexie and Alex are acting all super cute together and she finally admits she wants to know what they are, so Alex says that they are a "thing," much to Lexie's delight. He admits later to Mere that he's "being a duck" -- he's walking and talking like a duck because that means that he'll probably become a duck, or rather a good boyfriend. All is well and good until Mark, who hooked up with Reed and got caught and dumped by Teddy, has his eyes opened for him by Callie, who points out that he obviously still loves Lexie and she still has feelings for him, so he should do something about it. He finally tells Lexie he's still in love with her and wants to marry her, and though she manages to squeak that she has a boyfriend and sticks with Alex for now, she's obviously shaken and unsure. It's going to really be a bummer for Alex, who is not only trying to be a good guy, but also had an amazing patient save with the help of Lexie's photographic memory and seems to be in a more positive headspace than he's been in forever. Demi Lovato, playing a teenage paranoid schizophrenic, is brought in to the hospital to be committed but Alex feels like something is missing and does a bunch of research, including having Lexie search the Lexiepedia for something that might match all of the girl's symptoms. It turns out she has some super rare hole in her inner ear that's been causing all of her problem, Derek operates and fixes it, and she's now a normal teenager, all thanks to happy and surprisingly well-adjusted Dr. Karev.

The remaining docs are all also involved in relationship drama -- Callie and Arizona are broken up but clearly still crazy about each other, and though Callie thinks nothing is going to change, Arizona grabs her and kisses her in the elevator in a way that seems to give some hope that they might figure things out in the future, even though she doesn't say a word and just runs off afterward. And Bailey and smoking hot Dr. Warren are still dating and finally do the deed, but Bailey freaks out the day when she sees him flirting with a nurse and thinks he's already moved on now that he's bedded. Fortunately he's able to explain himself and manages to convince her that he is still the good guy he appeared to be. She reminds him she's got a kid and a bad divorce and isn't up for something casual but he tells her solidly that he knows all that and he's not just fooling around either, and they wind up holding hands. Aw.

Party at Meredith's house! Wooooooo! Only... this time it involves people dressed up, servers with trays of tiny food and an actual bartender that isn't Mere staggering around with a bottle of tequila in her hand. She starts this week's VO: "It's a common belief that positive thinking leads to a happier, healthier life." Alex is fidgeting with his tie and they tease each other in a sickeningly cute manner -- she tells him to stop fidgeting, and then when Lexie complains that she's wearing [brand name not used because they didn't get the rights but we know she means Spanx] so that she could zip up her dress and that she's fat, Alex points out that she's got no fat on her, just a nice ass, which he happens to like. She thanks him for the disturbing yet awesome compliment and proudly juts her behind out a little more, and he asks if she wants to go make out upstairs. She refuses, though, as they are there to support Derek, and Alex just gripes how much the party blows.

Derek apparently did really redo his office, though we haven't seen it since he was cleaning out Ellis' journals. There, he's showing Mark and Owen his plans for the new house, which we also hadn't heard much about in a while. It seems the house in the woods is actually going to be built. Mere comes in and points out that at her parties they drink beer and dance on tables, and he realizes that she's insulting his party. She tells him it's getting lame but I'm sure it was lame from the start -- it's just that when people dress up and see an actual bartender they get excited for a bit and now that seems to have worn off. The guys all file out and she smiles at them, but when Owen walks past and gives her a tentative smile of her own she just gives him a smirk, much like the one that got her in trouble last week, and his face clouds right over. Her VO tells us, "As children we're told to smile and be cheerful and put on a happy face," which obviously neither of them is doing too well.

"As adults we're told to look on the bright side." Callie has her cleavage out for the party and it's rather mesmerizing, but she can only stare glumly across the room at Arizona. Mark comes over and calls her on it, then asks if she wants to go home and have sex in the shower since Teddy is stuck in surgery. She tells him, not amused, that she's not in the mood for jokes -- though I'm certain he was only half joking and would have happily jumped at the chance if she had agreed. She storms out of the room and from afar, Arizona sees this and looks bummed.

By Lauren S

"Sometimes reality can get in the way of our ability to act the happy part, though." Cristina is in the kitchen, and she's not just acting happy, she is incredibly happy on account of the fact that she's positioned herself to grab the finger foods as they are brought out of the kitchen, so she gets her pick of whatever she wants. Owen walks in and she delightedly tells him about how this is working out splendidly and as she takes a big bite of sushi, and as Mere walks by the door in the other room, he tells Cristina they should move in together. Mere starts to simmer judgmentally while Cristina chokes (and has no idea of Mere's eavesdropping) and he's glad because it means she can't answer right away, and he tells her to just think about it; that he told his shrink and she thinks it's a good idea. Aw, and they say romance is dead. But to Mere's horror, once she dislodges the food from her throat, Cristina says yes. She admits happily that her judgment is impaired by the four martinis she's had, but then also points out that she's an easy lay right now, and he's thrilled -- mostly about the moving in but I'm sure the easy lay part wasn't a bad thing either. They make out while Mere burns disapproving lasers into them from afar.

April, Reed and Avery are huddled together and Reed announces that she's going in, much to April's horror. She insists that Reed can't do whatever she's going to do because they are in the Chief's house (and obviously she doesn't want to look bad in front of Derek) but when she looks to Avery for backup he tells Reed to go for it. Like a shark swimming towards its prey, she heads towards Mark. As she walks, Mere VOs, "Your health can fail, boyfriends can cheat, friends can disappoint." She sways on up to Sloan and compliments him on a surgery he performed, and as the other two watch Mark gets her meaning right away and steers her off to get another drink.

"It's in these moments when you just want to get real, to drop the act and be your true, scared, unhappy self." In an apartment with candles burning everywhere, Bailey is making out with her hot anesthesiologist. She stops him, though, and after pushing him off starts her patented Bailey speechifying about how she doesn't want her personal business all over the hospital like everyone else's. She goes on to detail how he's not allowed to flirt with her or even look at her like he's seen her naked, but he's not listening too closely, because he's busy peeling off his clothes. She gets a bit distracted but forges ahead, arguing that she's got a good reputation, and she's a lady -- "And a lady does not show her drawers at the office." Hey, it's a sound lifestyle choice. She can't really ponder her brilliance, though, because he then strips off the last piece of clothing he's got on -- his own drawers -- and sadly we're left with a strategically placed something in the frame so we can't fully enjoy the view. She's happily stunned enough to stop and with a grin he tells her he's naked, he looks good (boy howdy, he's not wrong) and does she want to lecture him or go to bed with him so he can have his way with her? Being a sensible woman, she takes his hand and he leads her to the bedroom.

Teddy, meanwhile, has finished up her surgery and arrives at Mark's to find the door unlocked. She heads in and calls hello, then starts telling him about her bad night as she strips down to her own skivvies. She walks into the bedroom and stops when she sees Reed in the bed, and the resident pulls the comforter up to her eyes as Mark walks out of the bathroom clad only in a towel. After an awkward moment he tells the ladies that this could be fun... if they all decide to let it, and then grabs at his towel and I swear I thought he was going to rip it off dramatically. He doesn't, though -- just leaves it up to the ladies, and Teddy is pretty aghast when Reed shoots her a look that at the very least, isn't ruling out the idea.

As Mere and Cristina arrive at the hospital the morning, Mere glumly repeats that Cristina is thinking of moving in with Owen but Cristina happily corrects her that she is doing, not thinking. Mere turns super-drama-queen and starts shuffling down the hall with a nauseated look -- It's totally the picture of discretion for someone who has been told not to say anything about what may or may not be going on. Cristina of course realizes something is up and tells her to spit it out, so finally Mere admits she thinks there might be something going on between Owen and Teddy. Cristina laughs it off but Mere, in her best Eeyore impression, says she's pretty sure. Of course when Cristina asks her why she thinks this, Mere finally draws a line and says that she can't say, but Cristina should think about it. Really, Meredith? You told Derek you wouldn't say anything so your answer to that is to totally say something, but not to say enough to make it worth it for totally ruining your friend's day and possibly her relationship? I'm not saying Cristina shouldn't know what happened but come on, either tell her or don't -- this is just gross and selfish. Cristina in fact calls her out on that, but Mere can't handle it and runs off while Cristina assures her they aren't done.

Teddy is telling Arizona about what happened and they have a good laugh at Reed's expense for not dismissing the threesome idea, though Arizona points out that it might not have been so bad and fairly accurately calls Reed a "brunette surgical Tinkerbell." Lexie has been listening, disgusted, and Cristina is there as well, so her antenna goes up when Owen arrives and asks what they are talking about. When Teddy tells him he turns all gruff and alpha male and says angrily that Mark cheated on her, but Teddy tells him they weren't exclusive so there was no cheating. While she does seem a little bit bummed, she honestly seems pretty okay about the whole thing. Arizona runs off to see a patient and Owen offers to say something to Mark but Teddy just laughs at him and tells him he doesn't have to defend her honor. Cristina doesn't really seem worried even though she's been paying close attention, and she and Teddy go off for rounds.

By Lauren S

Callie's patient is an older woman named Betty who got in a car accident, and puts Callie on the phone with her son to assure him that she'll be okay after surgery, and Betty then assures him she doesn't have to fly out. How does Seattle Grace wind up getting so many patients who just happen to be in town? I feel like I should worry for my safety if I ever go on a trip back up there. Betty is established as being spunky and likable, and after she hangs up she tells Callie and Lexie that her son is single, wink wink, and just a little bit older. Lexie gets flustered and finally says she's dating someone but then icily calls to Reed that she goes for older guys, right? Betty realizes she's suddenly in the middle of a very uncomfortable situation and asks if it was something she said but Callie assures her it wasn't while glaring at Lexie, who's totally indignant that Callie is mad at her.

Owen is actually working with Teddy and Cristina that day -- all the better for Cristina to observe the two of them -- and Richard is there as well to help out with Henry, an elderly patient who fell down the stairs of a cruise ship and broke some ribs. Cristina prints out his test results and realizes he probably passed out and Teddy tells him that he's got an irregular heartbeat that causes blackouts. He then tells her they should also check his head and the docs get kind of worried until Henry continues that he thinks he is seeing a ghost, and calls out to Betty, who Callie is wheeling by. They are both in complete shock and happy surprise to see each other, and catch up -- he knows her husband who has passed away, and it turns out that his wife died a few years ago as well. It's kind of hilarious how Betty beams as she tells him that she's so sorry. As they continue to chat Cristina tries to get them to take Betty away, and when Henry says they haven't seen each other in 50 years she quips that it won't be a hardship to wait a bit longer, then. She's actually got less venom in her voice than usual but Richard still admonishes her and Callie happily tells an elated Henry what room he can find Betty in later.

Our super special guest star of the week is Demi Lovato of Disney fame, playing a girl named Hayley who is tied to her bed with soft restraints and whispering to herself that she's not crazy, which usually means that someone is actually in fact batshit crazy. Alex comes in and another doctor explains that she's a 16-year-old paranoid schizophrenic who tried to claw her eyes out (she has the red scratches all over her face) and that she needs to be cleared medically before this guy can take her to psych. Hayley's dad explains desperately to Alex that he and her mom always tried to keep her safe and have her on all sorts of meds, but she can't eat or sleep or even listen to other people talk, so they are having her committed. They turned their backs for one moment, and that's when the eye clawing took place. Of course, they turn their backs for a moment to explain all this to Alex so Hayley (whose one hand is now inexplicably not restrained) reaches over and grabs a syringe of something or other, threatening to stab it into her heart. She swears desperately over and over that she'll do it while her mom begs her not to, but she cries that no one believes that she's not crazy. Unfortunately she's not really helping her case right now. Alex calmly introduces herself and tries to talk her down -- when she demands to know if doing it will kill her Alex tells her to trust him and that he believes she's not crazy and will help her if she puts it down and lets him run some tests. She asks him, both suspicious and desperate, if he promises and a few moments after he says yes she finally dumps the syringe in his hand and the nurses quickly restrain her again as she starts again chanting that she's not crazy. Alex just tells them to page Derek.

Derek wants to run some tests, but Hayley's dad is against it as they've already been to doctors and she finally was diagnosed with schizophrenia. His wife steps in and quietly explains that his father had it as well and killed himself when her husband was a boy, so Derek and Alex do take a fairly soft approach with them as Alex insists that it's just a few more tests, and Hayley wants them. Derek works on the parents too and after Mom asks Dad to do it, he agrees, though he looks tortured about the decision.

In another room, we meet Amber, the patient, and her best friend Trish who is hanging out with her. Both have burns on their faces and it's explained that they met in the burn unit and became best friends. As Mere tells the story the camera pans slowly around Amber so we can see that while one half of her face is relatively untouched, the other side is covered completely in burns that have taken off her hair as well. The rest of her hair looks like it's been teased up for a night on the town. Apparently she was in a car that flipped and was pinned underneath as it burned; Trish quips that they strongly recommend not texting while driving. Sure, it's a PSA, but in this case I'd say it's a fairly effective one. Avery explains that they used a tissue expander to stretch her healthy tissue with her hair (which is what's giving her that style) and are going to then do a hair transplant to put that extra healthy skin over the burned stuff on her scalp. She's in remarkably good spirits for someone in her situation and doesn't really notice at first when the doctors all gather to look at her fingers, three of which look almost black. She hadn't paid attention since they look bad but realizes that the docs all have their too-impassive faces on and asks urgently if they can still do the surgery. Bailey tells her they will know after they get some films, and Trish gently admonishes her for being bummed about x-rays, joking that she should be bummed about the "twin" she has growing out of her head. Amber seems to pull herself together and smiles at her friend.

Henry and Betty are both getting worked on while telling the story of how they knew each other -- we go back and forth between perspectives but what it boils down to is that Betty's best friend was Henry's fiancée, but one night at a party they ran into each other outside, fell right in love, and both lost their virginity that night -- Henry had been waiting until his wedding night. Betty beams as she tells Callie and Lexie that it was the first time she felt complete, but she didn't want to ruin her friendship (though she admits it was ruined anyway by her bailing on the wedding) and Henry (who did want to call off his wedding) admits it would have been a huge scandal. Betty instead took off, skipped the wedding, and built a life elsewhere. All of the surgeons in both of the patient rooms are listening with rapt attention as Henry says that he married his wife and loved her, but she wasn't Betty. At this point Cristina steals a glance at Teddy, who is lost in the story. Betty tells the girls that she figured there would be plenty of Henrys in her life but of course there weren't, and while her husband was a good man he wasn't Henry. Callie is sad after hearing about this lost love, but Richard then comes to the doorway of her room and tells them with a big smile that he has an idea.

thing we know they are in a hospital room together with their beds pulled close to each other, and all of the doctors watch from the hall as they catch up happily. Everyone is happy and totally in love with their story, though Teddy also looks a bit wistful. Cristina walks up and tries to burst everyone's bubbles by asking without a trace of sentimentality if that's a good idea since Henry should be resting -- whether it's conscious or not, she's clearly trying to avoid setting up a situation that could parallel her own -- but Richard just tells her that a happy patient is a healthy patient. Owen looks at the films Cristina is carrying and realizes they have to operate, but Richard tells him it can wait an hour so that they have more time to catch up. Cristina is still pretty appalled and can't believe Teddy is on board but she admits she's a romantic and totally with Richard. Owen looks after her fondly as she walks off, while Cristina gets more annoyed.

Hayley is getting an MRI/CT... I can never quite remember the difference between the two while Alex, Arizona and Derek talk about her. Alex is pretty sure she's not schizophrenic but Arizona thinks trying to stab yourself in the heart is a pretty good indication of having the crazy. The scans come up and are totally negative, and Alex is pretty pissed that Derek and Arizona just accept that her diagnosis is correct. He argues that between his family and his unfortunate ex-girlfriend Ava he knows crazy and doesn't think that's what is wrong, so he asks for more time. Derek's pretty annoyed by this point when Alex can't give him even an idea of a possible diagnosis and is clearly about to shut him down, but Alex takes one last stab at it. He points out that Arizona always reminds him his job is to advocate for the patient rather than the parents, and that Hayley's hell is worse than the one they are going through. Arizona admits that she does in fact say that, so Derek gives Alex a generous four hours until his board meeting is over to figure out what else might possibly be wrong. As Hayley is helped up by a couple of technicians, a single poetic tear runs down her cheek just so we are assured she really is going through hell -- like the scratches on her face from trying to claw her own eyes out aren't doing a good enough job illustrating that.

By Lauren S

Lexie finds Alex and with no preamble, asks if they are a couple. She's not demanding so much as desperate, and tells him she needs to know because people are asking and she doesn't know what to say. After saying she's over Mark, she adds that she knew they said this wouldn't become a Thing, but she likes him and wants to know where they stand. Instead of turning to stone as is his pattern in the past, he chuckles, kisses her, and tells her that they are indeed a Thing, and he seems pretty genuinely happy about it. He still brushes it off as not a huge deal and takes off to do research, but manages to stay really cute about it, and Lexie is beaming.

While in Henry's surgery, Cristina asks Teddy if she can help with something but Teddy tells her she's got it, and Owen jumps in and the two of them have a weird, finishing-each-other's-sentences, mind-reading exchange. Richard comments on their shorthand and Owen brushes it off as a byproduct of their having worked together so long, but Richard is drifting down memory lane and somewhat dreamily tells them that he had the same thing with Ellis from the very first day they worked together. Even Teddy -- who I am not sure even knew the saga of Richard and Ellis (other than what she would have heard in the lecture series, which probably didn't include Richard telling them about the on-call room trysts) -- widens her eyes a second like, "Webber, seriously, do you need to go there with the comparison?" As Richard goes on that he misses it, Cristina watches Teddy and Owen closely.

By Lauren S

Alex and Mere are in the cafeteria and while Mere eats lunch, he pores over books and lists all of the symptoms, but she disregards his small four-hour window and wants to talk about Lexie and his and her Thing. Alex tells her he's acting like a duck -- figuring if he walks and quacks like one, eventually he'll feel like one. He adds the ringing endorsement that Lexie is nice, normal and healthy, which sounds rather like he's describing his prize livestock. That said, he seems happy enough. Cristina comes in but as Mere starts to clear a space for her she marches over to a nearby empty table and sits down. When Mere tells Alex that she's mad because Mere planted seeds of doubt Cristina yells to not talk about her, and Mere tells her to come over and talk with them, then. Cristina just points out that she'll talk when Meredith has something to talk about, and does she? Of course Meredith just turns around, though Cristina is totally justified in asking for that much.

Lexie comes over and sits down and Alex tells her he needs the Lexiepedia, which appalls Mere who points out that Lexie isn't a book he can flip through. Lexie admits that in fact that's pretty much exactly what she is, so Alex lists Hayley's symptoms and then waits while Lexie tries to pull up any information. Because she is totally a book that he can flip through, she remembers a page number of a June 2004 issue of a journal, and while she can't remember which one she knows it had a mint green cover. Alex ribs her for being like a computer that froze when it was going to tell him the name, but she just sends him off with a playful glare knowing she gave him enough information to figure it out. After he kisses her and runs out, she comments to Meredith how gross it is that Mark slept with Reed, but she's trying too hard to sound conversational and Meredith reminds her that she is with Alex. Ah, how quickly we become relationship experts after Post-It weddings. Lex tries to brush it off as just a conversation about the grossness of the situation, and is finally saved by her pager and leaves. Cristina picks up her tray and walks over to Meredith to ask, without sitting down, if Meredith thinks she's Thatcher. Meredith is actually so dumb and self-absorbed as to not get what she's saying, so Cristina has to spell it out and Meredith answers sadly that she doesn't know. This just ticks off Cristina even more, and she takes off. It really is appalling that Mere is acting like the put-out party here, like the weight of the world is on her shoulders. She couldn't keep it to herself so she assuaged her own guilt by putting just enough on Cristina to be distressing yet unhelpful, so she has no right to act tortured now that things are going badly.

Henry is done with his surgery and visiting more with Betty, telling her all about his house and flirting that the view from there would be even nicer if he had someone to share it with. He then invites her to come live with him and when she argues that they barely know each other, he insists they do know each other and that he missed his chance once and doesn't want to again. Callie clearly regrets having to get in the middle of things but she needs to take Betty to surgery, and Henry just asks her to think about it. Betty, though, puts her hand on his and with tears in her eyes, tells him she already got over him and went on to have children and grandchildren that she loves. Callie watches as Henry's face totally falls and then wheels Betty out, who tries to remain stoic and dignified even though she has tears in her own eyes at the dumping she just performed.

As Bailey finishes up removing Amber's fingers, she pulls the oh-so mature move of asking Mark to ask Ben if he can start lightening up her anesthesia. Ben points out she could ask herself but she's like a kid asking someone to have their sibling sitting to them pass the salt. Everyone in the room is clearly upset by their own personal soap operas and they all sit there a moment until Mark tells Ben not to lighten her up just yet, because he wants to do the hair restoration after all. It seems the risk of infection isn't that big, and he thinks they all could use a big of "magic" right about then. Ben gives a tiny nod and when he looks to Bailey, she happily agrees to it.

Mere is scrubbing out of surgery when Cristina walks in and after standing a moment, she takes a deep breath and asks Mere if she thinks her mom ever got over Richard. Unfortunately for Cristina, Mere glumly admits that her mom loved him until the day she died. That established, Cristina gets desperate and begs for Meredith to tell her what, if anything, is going on that she might have missed. Mere has the gall to still look all upset and then whines that Cristina has to understand that while it was just the two of them for a while, there's now both her and Cristina and her and Derek -- she claims she did what she did because of them, but she can't say more because of the her and Derek part. Cop-out. Cristina finally tells Mere that she needs Mere to understand that she needs to have there be a Cristina and Owen. Mere looks sad and turns away, still making this all about herself.

She then finds her husband and informs him that she hates his job. He tries to lighten things up by telling her he loves her and they flirt a bit before Mere asks if he thinks Owen loves Teddy. Derek shakes his head, clearly against having this conversation but Mere persists and asks what kind of read he got when Owen was in his office recommending that Derek not hire his friend. Derek knows what this is about and just says she can't tell Cristina, and Mere claims to know while again repeating that she hates his job. I have a feeling that Derek wouldn't consider Meredith's actions "not telling Cristina," but whatever. He gives her a hug and they have another schmoopy moment.

By Lauren S

Amber's films obviously didn't look good, because she has to have those three fingers removed, and she's positively horrified. To add insult to injury, Mark admits they have to postpone her hair restoration, and she visibly deflates. Trish reminds her in a "buck up, little camper!" voice that she survived her car wreck and can survive this, and Amber knows, but when she tries to say something Trish cuts her off to remind her of their motto -- that they are both alive, which is all that matters, and, "Everything else is just bumps and bruises." Bailey clearly feels for Amber and sees some of her own disappointment in the girl, so she can't just let this go and tells Amber that this is a lot to absorb and she can cry. Trish argues that the way they get through everything by staying positive but she has no idea who she's arguing with, and with a quiver in her voice Bailey growls that she was excited and hopeful and that was all crushed, so she has the right to have feelings about it. "You can be positive tomorrow." It's what Amber needed, and she thanks her and starts to cry.

Derek and Alex are talking with Hayley's parents and Derek tells them that she's got the ultra-rare Crazylongname Syndrome. Alex adds that it wasn't even written about until recently and that basically she's got a small hole in her inner ear that makes her super sensitive to any kind of noise -- she can hear everything going on inside her own body and everything outside is magnified, which explains why she couldn't eat or sleep. They are stunned, and when Alex finishes up by telling them point-blank that she is schizophrenic, they hug and cry happily.

Bailey is scrubbing in when Mark walks in, and she gives him a long look over her surgical mask before asking him if the sex with Teddy was bad. He's caught off guard and she continues, asking if one woman is just never enough for some men? She assures him she really wants to know, because she thought both she and Teddy were good judges of character. He realizes that he's on very shaky ground and just scrubs away, finally saying calmly that he and Teddy were never exclusive. She scoffs at him, so he asks if she and her guy were exclusive. She immediately gets her hackles up and informs him that they weren't talking about her before scrambling into the OR.

Owen is working on some paperwork when Meredith walks up and informs him that Cristina loves him, and she wants to but she can't because she wants to punch him. I also am not really sure she wants to love him, either, because I suspect she'd still be a little bit jealous despite her own marriage, but that's a storyline for another day. She informs him that she knows he tried to have Teddy fired, and she thinks that means he still loves Teddy, and if he cares about Cristina at all, he will admit all this to her -- if he's really the good guy she thinks he is. She then threatens that if he doesn't... both he and she will know he's not that guy. Honestly, I think the biggest reason he'd consider listening to her is just to try and avoid the lifetime of passive-aggressive glaring he'd get from her until the end of time. I do think, though, that she would have been far better off to do this earlier rather than to just offer vague warnings to Cristina that sent her into a mental and emotional tailspin.

Mark is walking down the hall when he sees Teddy, but when he walks in the room she starts to leave. When he starts to say something to her she cuts him off that she should have known and declares calmly, "It's that simple and it's that over." She leaves him dumbfounded and that's how Callie finds him -- she walks in and immediately tells him to talk to "her." He argues that he just tried to, but she tells him she means Lexie since obviously he still loves her, and the reasons that they broke up (Sloan and the baby) aren't issues any more. I am just so grateful that finally she's not blaming everything on Lexie's supposed immaturity anymore, because man had that gotten old. It's a shame her own relationship breakdown gave her this new perspective, but hey, it's a silver lining of that breakup. Mark thinks about it and points out that Lexie is with Alex but Callie argues that Betty married Mike but never got over Henry. Mark is appropriately confused, and the face he makes is awesome. Callie just clears things up by warning him not to let 50 years go by before he realizes he let the love of his life get away. When she tells him to try, and hits the ball back into her court and asks if she's going to try again with Arizona, but Callie sadly tells him that their reasons for breaking up are still there. He pulls her into a hug and kisses her forehead, and for the millionth time I think to myself how much I love the friendship between these two.

Owen did listen to Meredith, and took Cristina to the stairwell -- not enough serious conversations have been had there in recent seasons; they really did need to revisit it as a perfect angst location -- and obviously told her what happened. Cristina, despite Meredith's warnings and whatever suspicions she might have had, can't seem to wrap her head around what she's hearing, and is asking Owen why he would tell her he put in a good word for Teddy when he did basically the opposite. He's pacing angrily while she tries to work it all out but when she mentions Meredith's name, he turns around angrily, just in time to see the light bulb go on over Cristina's head. She asks him what's going on between him and Teddy, and he says it's nothing, and then talks about his shrink, and eliminating triggers. Cristina asks if she's a trigger then, and he admits he doesn't know what she is, and that she's all wrapped up with what he went through in Iraq and with the breakup of his engagement, and that it's complicated and screwing with his head. I feel like maybe he should have talked all this over with Dr. Amy maybe before he talked about his great idea to move in with Cristina, but it looks like that didn't happen. She's both angry and heartbroken and he turns to her and pleads that while he doesn't know what he feels for Teddy, he does know what he feels for her. He also thinks he doesn't have to explain what he did regarding the hiring to Cristina (which she obviously doesn't agree with) and he angrily adds that he definitely doesn't have to explain himself to Meredith. That part, I'll give him, but I think that he kind of does have to explain himself to Cristina when it's something that pretty deeply concerns their relationship. Their fight is broken up when they hear a pager that doesn't belong to either one of them, and they look down to see Teddy on the stairs below. It's not entirely clear if she just happened to walk in or if she was standing there listening to everything but regardless, the damage is obviously done. She tells them that something is wrong with Henry.

All three run into his room and Betty tells them that he suddenly couldn't breathe. She doesn't want to leave the room but Cristina informs her that if she wants to help she has to let go of his hand. Oh, how very subtle.

The docs are all there when Henry wakes up; Richard tells him that they are going to have to put in a pacemaker before he leaves the hospital so that they can control his irregular heartbeat, and Teddy adds that she's talked to a doctor at his local hospital who will see him when he gets home. Henry thanks them, and then Betty walks up and he nearly passes out again when he realizes that she stayed. She tells him sweetly that he can't do that and scare her again if she's going to move across the country and shack up with him. He's in shock and she continues, in happy tears, that he makes her feel, "like the prettiest girl at the party," and tells him she never stopped missing him or wondering what if. It's really all very sweet, if a little bit of a club over the head with regards to the Owen-Teddy-Cristina triangle. When she kisses him, he asks her how long he has to wait until he proposes, and as they kiss again Cristina can't take it and walks out. Owen chases after her but she just orders, "Don't," and keeps walking, leaving him all agitated.

Alex, Arizona and Derek are all waiting in Hayley's room when she starts to wake up, and they and her parents all watch her expectantly as she comes to. No pressure, though. Arizona reminds her parents that there's no guarantee that the surgery worked as Alex gently Hayley how she's doing. She says she's good and then starts to really absorb her surroundings -- she's not restrained to the bed, and whatever seems to have been driving her crazy seems to be gone. Shocked, she repeats that she is good, and then says it a couple of more times for good measure as her parents start to cry and hug her. Mere starts to VO this episode to a close: "Ask most people what they want out of life and the answer is simple: to be happy.

"Maybe it's this expectation, though, of wanting to be happy, that keeps us from ever getting there." Bailey is waiting for the elevator and is not happy when Ben comes up to talk to her. She cuts him off by announcing that she gets that he wants to see other people and be free to get "cheeky" with Liz. She's extra prickly, obviously to hide her humiliation and insecurity, but he responds by telling her how Liz is the meanest nurse on the floor, who makes life hell for his entire staff, but that she likes him so he flirts in order to keep her acting nice and setting his schedule the way he likes -- flirting makes his job easier. But he also points out that the middle-name flirting is really bad, lazy flirting, and that he brings his A-game with Bailey because he really likes her and means it. And what an A-game he has -- I'm still thinking about his stripping down at the top of the hour.... Okay, wait, where was I? Back to the recap. He repeats himself and then when he asks if she is hearing him she finally speaks, fighting back tears. She is obviously all confused and mixed-up, and tells him she has a child, a job, and a horribly sad and difficult divorce that she's going through, so she has no time for games. He assures her that he gets it and that he's not playing either, he's in it for real. They agree, and when the doors open she marches right in as he follows with a small but very happy smile. They stand to each other and after a moment, she grabs his hand and holds on to it tightly, which obviously tickles him.

Lexie is doing some paperwork, dressed and ready to go, when Alex comes by and excitedly tells her that she was right about the medical journal. He leaves to go drop some things off before they leave for Joe's, and Lexie beams at him and goes back to what she was doing until Mark walks up and calls her name. She turns around and he just looks at her for a moment before announcing that he's still in love with her, and that his trying not to be didn't work. He calmly tells her that Sloan is gone, there's no baby, and he doesn't want to sleep around, but he does want a second chance, and he repeats that he's in love. She's totally stunned and tears up while she stutters Alex's name, finally telling Mark that she has a boyfriend. He tells her he knows, but, "I'm saying you could have a husband." Well, so his proposal technique could use a little bit of work. She looks absolutely gutted, and as he turns and leaves Meredith VOs, "Maybe the more we try and will ourselves to states of bliss, the more confused we get..." Alex walks up and totally startles Lexie when he puts his arm around her, but he doesn't seem to notice. As they walk off, she puts her arm around him too -- her attempt to act like a duck -- and he sweetly pats her butt. Aw, I like all of these people and now one of them is going to end up really sad and if it's Alex -- probably emotionally scarred beyond belief. I so hope I'm wrong.

"...To the point where we don't recognize ourselves." Callie is already on the elevator when Arizona gets on, and as they travel along Callie stares at the back of her head and finally says her name; Arizona turns and practically jumps on her, kissing her with an almost desperate passion. But as soon as the doors open, she practically runs out without a word while Callie stares after, stunned. Mere VOs, "Instead we just keep smiling, trying like hell to be the happy people we wish we were.

"Until eventually it hits us. It's been there all along." Mere and Derek are looking at plans for the new house in bed when Cristina comes to the door, looking bereft. Derek immediately excuses himself to go get something to eat and Mere smiles at him as Cristina runs over and climbs into bed with her bestie. They sit a moment and finally she says, trying to sound light, "Well, I'm not moving in with Owen." Meredith looks at her with the same unhappy face, although hopefully now some of it is for herself and not her poor troubled plight, now that Cristina knows everything. By way of reply, she opens up the plans and shows Cristina that she has a room in the new house. Cristina smiles as she wipes the tears off her cheeks and then thanks her, before hooking her arm in Mere's and laying her head on her shoulder. "Not in our dreams or hopes but in the known. The comfortable. The familiar."

By Lauren S

And remember the comfortable and the familiar, kids, because if the on is any indication, this is the last comfortable moment we're going to have for quite a time.

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