So we pick up about a minute from where the last episode left off a few weeks ago, and Sloan wasn't kidding about the baby coming -- in the time it takes Mark to go across the hall to try and get some supplies, Teddy throws on one of his shirts and delivers the baby boy who, after a couple of seconds of TV-mandated worry, is totally fine. Mark is totally smitten with the newborn, and is gutted when he realizes that Sloan is still planning to go through with the adoption. While sort of going along with it by calling the adoptive parents at her request, he also tries to talk her into keeping the baby and is very nearly successful until a slip of the tongue causes Derek to remind him that Sloan is his child, not this little baby. He decides to be a dad to the daughter he already has, and she decides to go through with the adoption. While it seems to nearly kill him to hand the baby over, he does so, and Sloan is going to come live with him for a while. Joy.
The unexpected arrival of this newborn comes right as Arizona and Callie have finally started talking about how Callie wants one and Arizona doesn't -- if by "talking" you mean "yelling and stooping to low blows." Callie is shocked that Arizona won't change her mind on the subject, especially when she's obviously so good with kids, but thinks she figures it all out when she remembers that Arizona's brother died and figures Arizona is terrified that something like that will happen to them. Arizona only gets angrier when Callie suggests this, orders her to lay off and all but gives an ultimatum that they will only stay together if Callie accepts that this is the way Arizona is. Callie seems to decide to try and forget about her baby fever but when Arizona sees how upset she is, she melts at least enough to be nice to Callie again, even though I doubt her mind is changed.
In a far lighter situation, Alex and Lexie have a patient who has been speared by a giant shark hook after an accident with his son on their fishing boat. Alex started his day off by gazing at Lexie while she slept and clearly got too wigged out at the idea of having any actual feelings, so he spends the rest of his time being a complete jerk to her instead. When Lexie realizes that the father and son have a rare and highly infectious strain of pneumonia, she nearly hands Alex the diagnosis (and therefore the awesome saving of the day) but Bailey realizes that she's being a doormat and orders her to find her spine, save the day, take the credit she is due and tell Alex that if he keeps treating her like crap she's done sleeping with him.
Teddy could use a good Bailey pep talk herself -- while she started her day off by delivering a baby she winds up coming down with a cold, and one ill-timed sneeze causes her to nearly kill the hooked fisherman during his surgery. It's especially unfortunate because Derek has invited a hotshot cardiothoracic surgeon to come do a surgery that day and to check out the place in case he wants Teddy's job. I guess when she got herself a little cottage and decided she wanted to stick around she never told Derek, and he thought that when her temporary contract was up she was going to look for something else. Cristina is so overcome with awe over assisting the visiting doc that she doesn't pick up on the fairly obvious fact that he's there essentially for an interview, which is the last straw for Teddy. While Teddy's in the elevator with Owen she falls apart and so he pulls her into a comforting hug that, because all elevators at Seattle Grace are SEXY elevators, nearly turns in to something more. When Teddy finally tells Cristina what's going on and points out that Cristina wouldn't get to assist nearly as much with the new guy, Cristina begs Owen to put in a good word for Teddy with Derek. He's still feeling a little bit confused and guilty on account of the almost-kissing, though, and instead tells Derek that Teddy will be fine if she doesn't get the permanent position in Seattle. Unfortunately for him, she winds up getting the permanent position -- though no one but Derek and Richard know it's only because the hotshot turned down Derek's job offer. Her staying really just means we have guaranteed romantic confusion and possible cheating and heartbreak coming, just in time for the last few episodes of the season -- good old-fashioned Grey's Anatomy style.
We pan over Seattle at night as Meredith kicks off this week's voiceover. "We're doctors. We're trained to care for human beings and we're pretty sure we know what to look for: cuts, infection, genetic mutation." After saying last week that they were going to talk about the baby issue, it looks like the talk quickly became a screaming match, and that's what we're lucky enough to see. Callie thinks that Arizona's feelings about not wanting a child make no sense, both because everyone wants kids (oh dear) and because she has roller skates in her shoes. Arizona is mightily pissed off, thinking Callie is saying that something is clearly wrong with her; that she's not natural or womanly, but is instead cold and dead inside. Callie argues that she's not saying that but I agree with Arizona when she says that in a small way, she totally is. She is obviously angry, but she also seems pretty desperate. Callie tries to pull herself together, and after a moment asks Arizona to humor her and picture a little baby. Arizona's mad face is making me laugh -- she pushes her lips together and out and kind of looks like a duck. I'm wondering if this is an acting choice or what Jessica Capshaw also does in real life. Callie gets all wistful and mushy as she describes the sweet baby and its baby smell, and asks if that doesn't just melt Arizona. Arizona isn't melted a drop, and tells Callie that what melts her is them going on a vacation to Spain and drinking Sangria on the beach. Callie gets thoroughly angry and can't believe she isn't getting a baby because Arizona wants some sangria.
There's a commotion and she walks out of her room as Cristina opens the front door to a desperate Mark looking for suture kits. He then yells for Arizona and as Owen joins the group he manages to spit out, "Baby, now!" just as Sloan lets out a loud scream. They all run in and find Teddy in one of Mark's shirts holding the baby, and everyone springs into action. Callie runs to get Arizona's bag while Teddy cuts the cord, and then Arizona takes the baby, who still has yet to let out a cry. Teddy assures Sloan that she did great while Arizona massages the little guy's chest and coos at him, and eventually he lets out a cry. Callie runs in just in time to see her hand him gently over to Mark, and it appears the sight hits her like a knife in the chest. She recovers quickly, though, and beams at him as he grins at the cute baby in his arms.
Derek is meeting with some dude in his office and Mere comes across Cristina waiting nervously outside. When Mere tries to ask her if she helped deliver Sloan's baby Cristina shuts her down because the dude in Derek's office is someone named Tom Evans, and she begs Meredith to act cool. As Teddy walks by Cristina calls the news after her and catches Teddy by surprise -- turns out the guy is a famous cardiothoracic surgeon who is going to be doing a "bloodless cabbage on a beating heart" that day. Is he going to chop up a salad inside someone's chest cavity all while keeping the knife clean? Cristina is surprised that Teddy didn't know about it but encourages her to scrub in, but Teddy sneezes and then gets a page and leaves.
Derek walks out and introduces Evans to Cristina, who fawns all over him, stuttering. Derek pretty accurately calls her a groupie but also tells him she's one of the best residents around, and she adds how honored she is to be scrubbing in. She can barely control her excitement and wriggles around like a puppy as she tells him she'll be following him all day if that's okay. Derek then introduces Meredith and when Evans makes a really lame joke Cristina laughs like he invented comedy, but he obviously loves the attention and is used to this kind of thing. She then leads him away and Derek gets a page and heads off as Avery and April walk up. They ask about Evans, and April says she overheard Derek talking about how Teddy's contract wasn't permanent, adding that it would be a genius move to offer the spot to Evans. Avery rolls his eyes and comments, "Here we go again," while Mere laughs and asks what. April tries to get him to shut up but he spills that she thinks Derek walks on water, and when she tries to defend that it's only personal and duh, because he's married to Mere and they're both so awesome, she only digs herself into a deeper hole. Meredith just looks at Avery, a little overloaded.
Derek has joined Mark and they're staring down at Baby Sloan; Mark asks if Derek can see the resemblance. He comments that it just looks like a newborn, so Mark goes for the most inappropriate and squicky move ever -- he unbuttons the baby's onesie to show off his goods as proof of his family heritage. Derek does make an impressed noise but points out that it's probably swollen from birth and will go down. Mark, however, is too proud and grins that he's definitely a Sloan.
In an on-call room, Alex is watching Lexie sleep to him, with a face that says, "I'm confused and this is supposed to be easy and I might kind of like her and ew I hate myself." Both their pagers go off and they yelp at the news that a trauma helicopter is on the way, so Alex jumps up and as Lexie asks if he can hand her clothes over, he's already out the door, running away like he does best.
Teddy runs after Derek, who is excited that the helicopter is arriving and he gets to be an actual doctor for a little while. Teddy would rather get to the point, and -- she mentions Evans and then cuts off whatever Derek's response was going to be by bluntly asking if he's interviewing for her job. Apparently she was waiting to hear from Derek about a permanent contract, but he turns and furrows his brow at her as he thought she was looking elsewhere. Teddy admits that she stopped and apologizes, realizing now that she should have told him, but when he says he's happy to consider her for the position, she gets all ticked off at the idea of interviewing for her own job. Derek points out that he had to look for someone since he couldn't end up without a head of cardio, and while I don't like to agree with him on anything, it's totally fair that he would be searching for someone else as he's not a mind reader. She pretty quickly seems to realize this, or at least she realizes that being bitchy isn't going to get her very far, so she calmly tells him that she would like to be considered.
Mark finds Arizona in Sloan's room, where she and her baby are both asleep, and thanks her for her help. Sloan wakes up as Arizona tells him she was happy to do it, and when they go to her she asks for her bag. She then dumps it out on the bed and Mark is surprised to see that it's full of toys -- most of which are things like cars and Army men that look like tiny little choking hazards, which Arizona gently points out. Mark is all gushy that Sloan even thought to buy things for the baby and Sloan, in that unpleasant, defensive way she has, mumbles that the baby was going to need stuff and she was already at the store, even if the boy stuff isn't as good as the girl stuff. She adds that he'll be getting nicer things soon and hands Mark a paper that has the contact information of the adoptive parents, asking him to call them. Arizona can see that Mark clearly doesn't want to and offers to take care of it, but Mark says that he will.
Derek, Meredith, April and Avery are apparently all on the same case, and ride the elevator up to the helicopter pad to meet their patient. April excitedly reports that they were in a fishing boat accident and that one of them has a fish hook in him. Derek doesn't notice Meredith glaring at her, and he just asks why they would send someone just for a fish hook. Honestly, could he not guess where this might be going? As they run out, Avery pauses a moment to mock April's breathy, "Chief Shepherd" to Mere. Bailey is already up there and takes the son, Doug, who has a head laceration and some crush injuries -- always a good time. Then they wheel the dad, Walter, out, and report that he has a penetrating chest trauma. They pull back the blanket wrapped around him to find a giant hook the size of my head hooked all the way through his side -- not a surprise, DEREK -- but I will give the makeup team props here because as GA injuries go, this one was extra disgusting looking and made me flinch.
Cristina is watching Evans as he talks to his patient who can barely breathe -- all glossy charm as he tells her she'll be running after her grandkids in a week. Teddy has walked by and can't help but roll her eyes at the show, but when she tries to leave unnoticed she sneezes, and Cristina tries to get her to come in and join them. Maybe she's allergic to high levels of smarm? Much to Cristina's confusion, she won't join them.
As Derek and his underlings work on Walter and his giant hook, Owen and Teddy run in to join them and are told how something fell on Walter which made him fall on the hook. His son Doug then comes to the door, not looking in great shape himself with a cut on his head, and wants to know how his dad is doing despite the doctors all trying to get him to leave. He says he doesn't know what happened, but that he did it and he's sorry, and Lexie immediately assures him that it wasn't his fault. Walter has overheard, though, and is a wee bit cranky at having a giant hook through his abdomen; he yells that of course it's Doug's fault, because he let go of the rope which then threw Walter onto the shark hook. Lexie and Alex finally get Doug out of the room as the doctors clip a portion of the exposed hook off.
Back in his own room, Lexie, Alex and Bailey are working on treating his head injury as he explains that growing up his dad tied knots with him rather than doing things like playing ball, and says he knows how to tie the knot that presumably failed. Bailey assures him that it was a terrible accident, but Doug just asks her what if it wasn't, admitting that he's thought about hurting his dad because he's a giant jerk. Bailey asks sternly if he's admitting to trying to kill his dad and Doug quickly realizes she's not one to mess with and says that he didn't do it on purpose. He starts to feel sick and Lexie tries to soothe him, but he just turns and vomits down her gown. Bailey tells her to order some tests but Alex runs out to do it so that Lexie is left with vomit clean-up duty, while Bailey makes a mental note of Alex's behavior.
Sloan is looking over his discharge paperwork, not really believing when Mark tells her that it's a good thing that she's being discharged the day since it means she's doing well. Mark is cuddling his tiny grandson as Sloan gripes that she has nowhere to go since her mom kicked her out and her friends in Portland had the audacity to tell her to pay rent. Mark doesn't take his eyes off of the baby as he suggests she come live with him until she figures things out and says she's going to be okay because Sloans are tough -- however it looks more like he's convincing the baby of this. As we all know, things went awesome the last time he offered to have his dimwitted daughter come live with him. Sloan actually has enough of her wits about her to realize he's not totally talking to her, and suggests slowly that maybe she should keep the baby. When Mark turns and asks if she thinks she could, she gives a totally unconfident, "Maybe." He then asks if she wants to hold him, and she's totally not into the idea at all but Mark pushes him into her arms, convinced that she's a natural. She thinks a moment and then tells Mark that the adoption is up to him -- if he thinks they can do it, they can raise the baby together. Arizona walks past just in time to hear that, and immediately pops into the room to try and send the baby up for his checkup. Mark tells her he took care of it already and so thwarted, she tells him sternly that she'd love a word when he has a second.
Richard pops in to Derek's office just for the chance to ask, "Caught a big one, huh?" He's amused himself terribly, but Derek not so much, and Derek just asks Richard what he saw in Teddy to hire her. Richard good-naturedly puts it back on Derek, asking what HE sees in her, and Derek admits that she's good and works hard before adding that while he feels bad looking for someone he'd feel worse if he lost out on someone stronger. Richard, who seems to have gotten much more comfortable with not being the man in charge, needles Derek that it's not such an easy job after all, and then when Derek asks for insight says that he can't do his job for him, he needs to do it himself. Derek, of course, isn't too happy with the idea but doesn't really have much of an argument to make.
As Bailey, Alex and Lexie do some sort of procedure on Doug, Bailey muses about how awful it must be to live on a boat five months out of the year, working 20 hours a day. Lexie of course knows some stats on the subject and tells them that in 2007 crab fishing was the most dangerous job in the US, with a fatality rate 28 times higher than average. The other two docs look at her, but while Bailey is impressed Alex sneers and drops an insult about how it's like working with Forrest Gump. They then discuss the possibility of Doug having done it on purpose -- Alex thinks he did, while Bailey figures it was 70% accident, "30% attempted murder." Lexie is shocked but Bailey just figures, "Too much nature makes people crazy." The woman's not wrong -- I will always maintain that my Girl Scout troop was happier than any other troop in our town when we gave up camping and held sleepovers instead. Earning our makeup badges > sleeping in a leaky tent in the rain. Bailey then offers Lexie the chance to finish off the procedure, and Lexie is happily stunned. However, when she babbles that she's never done it before, Alex grabs the instruments and does it himself, griping at her to not overanalyze things and to instead just do them.
When Mark finds Arizona for their talk she asks if he called the parents, but he only says that Sloan is having second thoughts, not admitting that he fully helped plant those seeds. Arizona points out that Sloan picked the parents and was clear when she asked him to call them, but Mark argues that she's not clear now. Callie walks up as they bicker and only adds fuel to Arizona's fire when she thinks it's great news that Sloan might want to keep the baby. Callie pointedly tells her girlfriend that sometimes people change their minds, obviously thinking this could be like her own situation, but Arizona doesn't bite and instead insists that the baby needs parents and not a teen mother with a dad she just met. Mark yells at her to shut up, that while he appreciates her help he's got no real family left and she needs to give him a minute because he won't turn his grandson over if he has a chance at a family. The girls are both taken aback by how mad he is, and Arizona makes her own mad duck face again in return.
Doug is still upset about the whole situation and Lexie notes that he's got a rising fever, but Alex could care less, figuring it's nothing. Lexie asks Doug if he wants to see his dad before surgery but Doug is sure that he doesn't want to see his son after he's nearly killed him, and tells them his dad has always hated him. Lexie sits down to talk with him and tells a story about how when she was young she had heard that saccharine could kill people, so when she got really mad at her mom she almost put a bunch of Sweet and Low in her coffee. The music quickly goes from serious to quirky so that we know to laugh. I appreciate Lexie's effort but it probably was better kept to herself since it's not really in the same league, and Alex realizes this and one-ups her by telling Doug he once tried to run his dad over with the car, so trying to kill one's parent is normal. Doug is just sure that he's never going to be allowed near the boat again, and wonders where he is supposed to go now. He then complains of a headache and so Lexie pulls Alex aside to tell him they need to order some tests to figure out why he's got a fever. Alex doesn't care, though, because there's hook surgery to watch; he tells her to run the tests herself.
Callie finds Arizona working in the nursery and tries to smooth things over by happily reporting that the baby smiled at Mark. Arizona pissily replies that she feels sorry for the baby's parents, so Callie snaps at her to stop calling them that. Honestly, Callie, I understand your position but think for a moment here before you say that. I could just be overly sensitive to this issue as I have friends dear to me who were doing an open adoption and then had the mom back out, and I saw how awful it was for them. I know Callie's hurt and having a hard time and best friends with Mark, and Arizona is being kind of extra jerky about everything and not trying to see anything from Callie's point of view, but she's better than this and should think a moment. Arizona pointedly again calls them the baby's parents and says that they are a mature, stable parents who Sloan picked personally when she was thinking rationally and not filled with extra hormones while watching Mark get all gooey over the baby. Callie thinks she has a lot to learn but sounds hopeful -- Arizona cuts her off to assure her that she did the right thing already by putting him up for adoption and that they should respect that. She then gets a page, and freaks out because it's Sloan.
Sloan is trying really hard to back up Arizona's argument that she's totally not ready to be a parent -- she paged because the baby was crying and she freaked out, sure something was seriously wrong. Mark runs in with a bottle and Callie immediately assures him the baby is fine, and that Sloan just got a little freaked out. If just a baby's cries cause panic, this could be a very long and hard road indeed for her and even more for Mark. She refuses to take the baby despite efforts from Arizona to show her how to give him a bottle, still too freaked out, and Arizona gives Callie a very pointed look as she feeds the baby herself. Mark sits with Sloan and gives her some water, and she starts sucking it through a straw in the side of her mouth, looking very much like a toddler herself.
Derek heads to the OR, elated to actually have the chance to operate, and the others report that they are about to take out the hook. April asks if after that they will go in and fix Walter's skull, and when Derek makes a lame "catch and release" joke she laughs so hard it's a wonder she can breathe. She and Cristina are competing for the "crushing airhead" title of the day, that's for sure. Avery and Meredith just exchange a look. They then discuss the accident and when Teddy says she thinks it was an accident, Derek has his second rational gem of the day, pointing out that a teenager shouldn't have been out there in the first place. Teddy argues that he went into the family business and something should be said for loyalty, but Derek can't resist taking the bait (yeah, and I couldn't resist the pun, sorry) and says that someone should have that job based on skills rather than just being family. Owen watches the very pointed exchange, and Teddy snaps and asks Derek icily if he's intentionally comparing her to the kid who dropped a crab cage on his dad, or if it's coincidence? Owen chimes in that it's time to pull out the hook and then reminds everyone not to move as they all grip it and he starts to count down. Right before they are ready to go, though, Teddy sneezes and the hook comes out too fast, so everyone has to jump to action while Teddy apologizes and Derek snottily tells her, "God bless you."
Later, Teddy and Owen are scrubbing out when Derek comes to scrub in; Owen reports that Walter is stable and Teddy apologizes again. Derek, through with being the bigger person, just tells Teddy that if the job decision doesn't go her way, she shouldn't take it personally because she's great but Evans has published a lot of papers. He might as well just have given her a shove and told her not to let the door hit her on the way out, for how graceful that was. Owen takes offense on her behalf and asks if it counts for nothing that she earned a Bronze Star while serving her country, but Teddy just looks like she'd rather melt into the floor than have this going on around her. I adore Owen but he needs to learn not to jump in when his ladies are fighting their own battles -- this happened with Cristina earlier in the season. Derek doesn't reply, he just heads in to the OR and Owen watches Teddy as she slumps away.
Evans is doing his bloodless spinach hernia or whatever it is, and Cristina is watching and excitedly peppering him with questions. He happily explains it all and asks her if she's applied for her fellowships, which stuns her, and when she explains that she's only in her third year he smoothly says that he felt like he was working with a fellow. She beams and offers to cut his last suture, but he even does that himself. Cristina, however, is too delighted to really notice and gushes over his marvelous work. She then sees Teddy watching from the gallery and does a little happy dance as Teddy tries and fails to fake a smile in return. Cristina's too excited to pick up on that, though, either.
Mere and Alex are having a lunch break and comparing notes on their patients, and Alex reports that there isn't anything for him to do now and that Lexie is babysitting Doug. Cristina then comes up and excitedly asks if they saw Evans' surgery, causing Alex to point out that she's like a kid collecting trading cards, but with surgeons. She readily agrees that she has to have them all, and when Meredith reminds her that she said Teddy was the love of her life, Cristina admits that while she is, she loves Evans too. "I'm a cardiothoracic whore," she tells them unapologetically. Mere uses the subject of whores to segue to April fawning over Derek, and when she calls April an intern Alex corrects her, but this sparks a conversation about if Derek is into fawning interns. Mere points out that she was one herself, so obviously he is, but Cristina replies that it's not his thing anymore. Alex watches the girl talk and just laughs at them, smirking that he's sure Derek has grown out of girls who shave their legs, laugh at his jokes and call him Chief Shepherd. They try to scoff at him but are clearly starting to think he could be right, and Alex just points out that he's telling them how it works, and that guys in power like girls who adore them. (See: Evans and Cristina.) Meredith seems to finally be a little bit worried, and what do you want to bet she's off to find a razor?
Callie and Mark are staring at the baby (who, let me point out, is SUPER CRAZY BEYOND cute, and whose cooing is causing my ovaries to ache) and as Callie comments on how delicious he is, Mark tells her he thinks he'll take a couple of weeks of paternity leave to help Sloan get the hang of things. When Callie points out very rightly that she's not sure that's enough time, Mark tells her that Sloan is a good kid with good instincts. Oh for the love -- has he MET her? He's clearly caught some of those postpartum hormones that are impairing his own judgment. Callie, realizing someone has to be the rational adult in this conversation, reminds him gently that her instincts told her to put the baby up for adoption, and both she and Mark sadly admit they don't really know what's right. Callie then mentions Arizona's dreams of Spain, and Mark asks if Arizona didn't have an idyllic childhood, as confused as Callie is at her decision. Callie is happy to have someone backing her up and adds that she talks to her parents every day, but then adds that part of that might be "the brother thing." When Mark asks what she means, something dawns on her and she replies, "Her brother died. And I'm an idiot." She walks off, and Mark goes back to being mesmerized by his grandson.
Owen gets on the elevator and finds a bereft Teddy who can only shake her head. He tells her gently that she has a cold and that it could have happened to anyone, but she points out that it happened to her, and on the day someone else was interviewing for her job. And though she was totally an idiot to forget to tell Derek she planned on staying after all, I feel for her here since every one of us has had this day where things need to go well and in fact everything goes terribly, horribly wrong. Fortunately for most of us, when things go wrong they don't usually involve us possibly accidentally killing someone, but still. Teddy goes on that she's the new girl, but the straw that breaks the camel's back is when she reports how much Cristina loves Evans. She starts to cry and then pathetically sneezes, and Owen pulls her into a hug as she starts to sob, his hands in her hair as he holds her. She pulls herself together pretty quickly but when she pulls back it's just far enough for them to rest their foreheads together, their mouths now within very easy accidental kissing range. Owen starts to get lost in the moment and brushes her cheek, but they are saved by the doors opening and their pagers blaring, and I thanked the TV gods out loud when the doors opened to an empty hallway. I had been holding my breath, worried that we were going to have the oh-so-overdone moment of a grinning Cristina waiting on the other side, but this way they just pull apart and Teddy bolts as soon as the doors are all the way open.
They've been paged to Walter's room, who has developed a complication and Teddy wants to go in and fix it immediately. Derek is there, still playing surgeon, and tells her they should get a CT first before going in, but Teddy tells him firmly that they don't have time and firmly tells Derek that he needs to trust that she knows what she's doing. He smirks at her but then calls the OR to say that they are coming. Owen and Teddy sneak a glance at each other and Meredith, who has been helping out, seems to catch them and make a mental note.
Lexie has paged Alex and Bailey because Doug seems to be going downhill as his fever goes up. Alex is completely petulant about it and doesn't care because he just wants in on the new hook surgery and thinks all of the symptoms Lexie is asking about are nothing. Bailey tells her to let him go, and he thanks her and runs out. Lexie turns and tells her that both the guys have signs of sepsis and that if that's true, whatever they have is highly infectious. Bailey calmly tells her she thinks Lexie is right, but asks why she is acting like she wants to hand the info over to Alex so he can act like he figured it out? Lexie denies that she's doing this but Bailey informs her that she's handing power over to a guy because he's giving her sex and when Lexie protests, Bailey shuts her down with, "I am Dr. Bailey, I know everything." People, we all know this already, it's easier to just go with it than to waste time protesting. She tells Lexie that she's got a gift in her photographic memory and that she's also a good doctor, so not to let Alex treat her like crap no matter how good the sex is. Lexie stutters but Bailey cuts her right off, and a nurse then comes in with the test results -- naturally, Lexie's hunch was totally right. Bailey says she knew, and then asks Lexie what she is going to do about it? As Lexie runs out, Bailey smiles a proud little smile to herself.
Alex walks in to the OR, happy to finally have a "good" case, and when Owen asks how Doug is doing Alex says that he's fine but that they are running tests due to his spiking temperature -- laying the groundwork nicely in case Lexie was to catch anything. He doesn't have the chance to claim anything, though, because Lexie bursts in and yells at Teddy to hold on. Owen chastises her but she quickly blurts out that Doug has reallybadsoundingblahblah pneumonia and that she thinks Walter does too, so they need to start reallypowerfulstuff medicine right away or things will really get bad. She adds that reallybadsoundingblahblah pneumonia is highly contagious in close quarters... just like crab boats where men have been living for months. Alex gripes at Lexie for not giving him a heads up, but she just says he was busy. Also, doofus, she totally tried and you kept brushing her off because you're too afraid to maybe actually like her. Owen suggests going in to make sure, which seems a little risky and like he only suggested it due to their close moment and his desperate affection for her, but Teddy says she thinks she was wrong this time. From the gallery, Derek calls down angrily to get Walter to the ICU now, and Teddy slumps like she's sure she's fired now.
Mark dejectedly shuffles into Derek's office and complains that the day needs to be over, and Derek readily agrees. Derek pouts that he was supposed to watch Evans work and instead was stuck in an OR watching Teddy fall apart. Beggars can't be choosers, dude -- you're the one who was complaining you never saw the inside of an OR anymore. Mark then asks about Evans and when Derek says Evans is looking around, Mark's hackles immediately go up and he asks why when Derek has Teddy. Derek, in his best Superior Asshole voice, points out that he doesn't need Teddy if he has Evans. Mark is shocked and rather desperately says that he can't do it, causing Derek to heave a weary sigh and bitch that he can't do his job and staff the hospital based on her being Hunt's friend and Mark's current plaything. He then moans about his job but Mark's pissed, and yells at him for complaining about that when Mark is about to lose, and I quote, "everything." He picks up and throws a coffee mug, smashing it to pieces, so Derek picks up a glass award sitting on his desk and hands that over to Mark to smash . Mark is confused by the gesture and glares at it for a while before demanding to know how he is supposed to call some strangers and then hand over his kid? Finally someone has caught what has been obvious the whole day -- that this isn't just a grandson to Mark, but more like an actual child -- and Derek reminds Mark that Sloan is his kid, and he's not losing her. (Unfortunately.)
Cristina runs up to Teddy, working on a chart, and is too excited to see how glum her mentor really is as she asks if she saw Cristina in the OR that day. Teddy's past her limit and just responds by informing Cristina that she's an idiot. Cristina is so surprised she doesn't seem to get at first that Teddy is serious, but Teddy just asks if she really thinks that Evans will take her under his "award-winning wing." Teddy answers for her, that he won't because he doesn't and doesn't care about teaching because he's a rock star. Cristina still doesn't really get it -- she agrees that he's a rock star and thinks it's all fine, so finally Teddy points out how she lets Cristina hold her instruments during surgery in order to teach her, and that she'd be way faster doing it herself. She reminds Cristina that she didn't do a single thing during the surgery today, and when Cristina argues lamely that Evans was only there for a single surgery, Teddy realizes she's not going to ever get it and announces that Evans is there for her job, asking if she really didn't get it. She wishes her luck with her new attending and angrily storms off.
In case we weren't sure that a Big Emotional Moment was coming, the music swells as Callie walks in to talk to a still-angry Arizona. As Arizona works, Callie softly tells her that she gets it, that Arizona watched her parents go through the horrible pain of losing a child and watches other parents go through horrible pain all the time, but that if they had a baby that wouldn't happen to them. Is Callie all-knowing, now? Jeez. Callie goes on and smiles as she says that their baby would be so happy, but Arizona just starts making her duck lips again, signaling that she's about to lay the smack down. She informs Callie that she's only going to say this once, and then tells Callie that she's not broken for not wanting kids, and that her lack of wanting isn't something that Callie can proudly diagnose and fix. She just likes her life the way it is and doesn't want it to change. "I thought I liked it with you in it. I hope I'm not wrong." She then gets up and walks out to let the semi-ultimatum sink in.
Sloan is in bed, twiddling her thumbs nervously, when Mark appears in the hallway and announces that he called her mom. Wait, is someone finally acting like a responsible adult in this situation? Sloan freaks out but Mark assures her that she was worried and misses her, and says she's on her way. Mark admits he is worried too. Sloan asks if her mom convinced Mark that keeping the baby was a bad idea because she's young and irresponsible, and her super defensive tone only works to validate that theory as she's trying to deny it. She then guesses that Mark figured he didn't have time for a kid, and pouts that she can handle him on her own. I guess this is where we're supposed to feel sorry for her and her trust issues, but I still think she's just brat. Mark, though, really has gotten his common sense back, and tells her she totally can't handle a kid on her own and that she IS young and irresponsible, and that keeping the baby probably is a bad idea but if that's what she wants to do, he'll be in, and he's not too busy for family. She starts to tear up as he adds, "But don't keep the baby for me. You'll always have me. And I'll always want you." Aw, I do still love Mark even though he lost his senses for a little while. It's just a shame that they made Sloan such an insufferable pain in the ass. He takes her hand, and tells her he's so happy to have gotten to know her, and she smiles back at him through her tears.
Cristina -- Teddy's words having sunk in -- finds Owen and steers him towards Derek's office while telling him that he has to tell Derek to hire Teddy instead of Evans. Owen is clearly not happy about this plan but Cristina is too worried now to pick up on that, though he's pretty obviously unhappy. After Evans and Derek shake hands, and Cristina gives Owen some unasked-for advice about how to act, Evans leaves, complimenting Cristina on her work on his way out, and Owen walks in and shuts the door. Derek cuts him off to say that he thinks Teddy is a "fine surgeon" -- the medical equivalent of a girl telling a guy she thinks he's, "really sweet, but..." -- and Owen asks if Evans is in. Derek thinks so, and Owen tells him he thinks it's a good move for the hospital because Evans is good and would draw patients from all over. Derek is glad, but confused and not sure how to react when "righteous and misunderstood" is taken off the table. Owen tells him that Teddy has lots of connections, though most are on the East Coast, and will be fine if Derek decides against her. He walks out, Cristina runs up and kisses him as thanks, and his shoulders droop. Obviously he's thinking it will be easier for him for Teddy to be on the East Coast. Dude, again I remind everyone that this storyline was pretty effectively written, acted, and RESOLVED earlier in the season and that this feels like a retread, and a predictable one at that.
Derek is in checking on Walter, who is doing much better. After he's done, he asks the fisherman if he likes being a captain. Walter gives a rueful laugh and immediately tells him no, but that it, "Beats not being captain." Derek ponders this as Lexie wheels Doug into the room. Walter calls Doug over, and he's clearly terrified, but Walter just asks if he's okay, and then assures his son that it's his fault and he's sorry. Doug is gobsmacked, and when Walter takes his hand he finally is able to say thanks.
Mark is talking to the baby, giving him advice for his upcoming hormonal years. He tells him that Sloans bloom early, and not to be shy of the hair on his face, which will make the other guys jealous -- it's okay to rub it in a little but not too much, because he doesn't want to be thought of as too arrogant. It's a really sweet little moment, but it ends when Callie comes in and quietly says his name before bringing in the adoptive parents. They beam and Mark looks at them warily but hands the baby over, and they both in happy tears. Mark just watches them and then finally hands over the bag of stuff and a teddy bear, and the new mom thanks him sincerely while she beams at her new son. Mark walks over and takes Callie's hand, squeezing it as hard as he can for support as they watch the new parents and their new baby.
Derek is working in the conference room and there's a knock at the door -- when he calls "Come in," Meredith leans in and breathily asks, "Chief Shepherd, are you busy?" He's thrown but she tells him to go with it and then closes the blinds and locks the door, to his surprise but obvious delight. Clearly everything got to her that day and she's making a bit of an effort to be the lovestruck intern again, though in this instance without all the tequila. She kicks off her Converse, which hilariously fall to the floor with a decidedly unsexy clunk, but Derek's loving it as she sits on the desk in front of him and sweet-talks until they start to make out on the table.
Alex is having a beer at home when Lexie walks in and demands that he hand one to her. He doesn't want to and pouts that she screwed him over and made him look like a moron at work, so tells her to get her own beer. Lexie takes a deep breath, and then says what she's obviously been rehearsing a bit, that he can't be an ass all day and then expect her to respect and sleep with him at night. She orders him to stop with the patronizing nicknames, and adds that most people would find her charming for not even being able to try to kill her mom with artificial sweetener. He's now looking at her like she's crazy, but she goes on and tells him that he'd better be nice or she's not sleeping with him any more even if she wants to, and again orders him to give her a beer. It looks like she's found the magic solution -- assertiveness -- and Alex hands one over, now looking at her rather admiringly. Mere picks up her VO: "As doctors, we have an arsenal of weapons at the ready."
Arizona is in bed and when Callie gets in, Arizona turns away, her entire body radiating anger. Callie just scoots closer to her and spoons her, and after a moment says softly that her cousin's baby punched her in the face once and gave her a black eye, and who needs it? It's obviously taking all of her effort to get this out, and her voice cracks and she starts to cry a little bit as she goes on that babies cry and smell, and Arizona herself finally cracks. She turns to Callie and tells her, "Don't," and they begin to make out. I can't tell if they are going to reconcile or if this is the beginning of the end, though.
"Antibiotics to kill infections, narcotics to fight pain, scalpels and retractors to remove tumors and cancers -- to eradicate the threat." Mark is outside Sloan's room when Teddy walks up, and with more than a hint of desperation in her voice he begs her to tell him she's staying. He looks positively like a lost little kid. After a moment she tells him that she's staying, like she doesn't quite believe it herself, and she's obviously exhausted from the day and, I'm guessing, from her weird, yearned-for moment with Owen in the elevator. But the two lean up against the wall to each other, and both say, "Okay," since at least for now it kind of is.
Richard catches Derek on his way out the door and happily says he heard that Derek gave Teddy the contract -- he then gives the opinion he held out on earlier, that it was the right thing to do and that showing loyalty like that is the sign of a great Chief. Derek just defensively asserts that he offered it to Evans first and Evans passed. He then turns and leaves, and Richard grits his teeth, seeming to realize that Derek still has a long way to go in his Chiefhood. Mere wraps up about all of the tools they have: "But, just the physical threat. For every other kind, you're on your own." And man, if our doctors have proved anything, it's that they aren't necessarily so good at handling these kinds of things on their own.
See Bailey's pep talk to Lexie.
Find out who will be guest-starring on the final episodes of Grey's this season.
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