So, as promised at the end of last week's Private Practice, Addison and Naomi arrive at Seattle Grace with Addy's brother Archer and the worms residing in his brain. No, seriously. It's 100 percent as disgusting as it sounds, especially since they felt compelled to show us the little buggers. Sam winds up joining the gang, so that it can really be a true crossover episode, and he manages to convince Derek to do the surgery and be a god like Addy begged him to be. And because he's Derek, he manages to get all eight of the worms, and there is much rejoicing in the land. He puts off Jen's aneurysm surgery so that he can work on Archer, but when he tells Jen it's going to be another day she manages to convince him to just operate on her that night so that she doesn't have to spend another night worrying that she might suddenly die. He operates, all seems fine, and then she wakes up gasping for breath and Alex screams at someone to page Shepherd. This means she's either going to make an appearance on PP or we have to wait a week to see what happens to her and her unborn baby.
Meredith is a little bit thrown off at Addison being in the hospital, but manages to be far more mature than I ever would have expected and everything is fine. She does make a comment to Cristina that she feels like she doesn't really know him once she sees all of the inside jokes and whatnot that were part of his life before he met her. Cristina isn't up to being supportive, and replies that she doesn't know him, just like Cristina doesn't know Hunt. It turns out that Blondie from last week is Hunt's ex-fiancée, who is in the hospital with her father (Bernard from Lost!), who has secret cancer. After Cristina successfully avoids his attempts to explain, Hunt finally lays out that he's totally a different person than he was before Iraq, he's not the man that was engaged to Blondie, and Cristina is the only person who sees him for the person he is now. Aw.
Izzie decides to help the interns love medicine again by creating a giant day-long game for them that involves various tasks and trivia. As she's putting it together (and a couple of times during the day), Alex notices that she seems to have a blind spot or depth perception problem. Of course, she denies that anything is going on but clearly these are the first signs (other than the ghost sex) of whatever it is that's wrong with her. Lexie wins the contest, but the real news is Sadie's ineptitude. George realizes that she doesn't actually have any medical knowledge and is trying to fake her way through the program so he offers to help her study. When she denies that anything is wrong and gets really defensive about it, he points out that she could hurt a patient and rats her out to the Chief. She quits/gets fired and with that, we bid adieu to a character that we never really cared about in the first place.
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"Every patient's story starts the same way." Mere gets right into the VO this week as an ambulance pulls up where Richard and Derek are waiting. "It starts with them being fine. It starts in the before. They cling to this moment, this memory of being fine, this before, as if their talking about it may somehow bring it back." In this case, the before is Addison, who gets out of the back of the ambulance with Naomi, and then they unload her brother Archer on a stretcher. It's a little distracting that they have everyone greeting each other and talking at the same time that Mere is doing her thing. Addie hugs Richard while Naomi hugs Derek, and then Addison falls limply into a hug with her ex-husband. "But what they don't realize is that the fact that they're talking about it to us, their doctors, means there's no going back." Addison starts to cry and tells them that Archer was fine earlier that day as they all follow the gurney inside. "By the time they see us, they're already in the after."
Izzie is at home doing what appears to be some sort of second-grade art project that involves construction paper and glitter. Alex comes in and makes the same face I am at seeing this, and asks her what she's doing. She explains that, "The interns are broken," and that being punished for doing surgery on each other is making them hate medicine. I don't think they've really got a leg to stand on since they were about as stupid as human beings can be with that little stunt, but okay, sure, they hate medicine now. Izzie is going to be the one to remind them that they actually love medicine, and she's going to do it by gluing glitter into a little swirly shape on a piece of orange paper. Alex wants to know if this is about Denny, and when Izzie tells him that it's only about the interns, he asks why she cares, as the interns are a bunch of losers. Izzie emphatically defends that they aren't, and I suspect we are supposed to feel the same way but seriously, I just don't care since I've only ever seen the interns as being pointless or foolish and reckless. Izzie just counters that they need to have fun, and she does as well. She then wonders what happened to the scissors and Alex points out they are right in front of her. This is supposed to be the first sign of what might be wrong with her, but they could have written a better example of that since I know that I always miss stuff that's right in front of me, and as far as I know I have no strange brain ailment to speak of -- I'm just kind of an airhead sometimes. She's confused for a moment but then gets back to work, and while Alex clearly thinks she's lost it, she cheerfully tells him that everything is going to be great.
Bailey walks up to Addie to announce that she cleared her schedule for her friend, and then exclaims that she likes Addison's new haircut. That makes one of us! Derek comes out and reports that Archer's eyes are open, but he doesn't think he's awake since he hasn't tried to kill Derek. He then explains to Bailey that Archer hates him, and Addison heaves a sigh and tries to insist he does not. Wow, four minutes in and we've already covered so many TV clichés that it feels like junior high-schooler could have written these scenes. They bicker about Archer not just waiting until the divorce to pick sides, but doing it in the marriage, and then Derek makes a comment about how if Archer had his first seizure during sex with his girlfriend, why isn't she there? This is all so that Naomi can comment, "Oh, she is," and Derek can act surprised/appalled. It's TV Writing 101 around here today! Bailey and Addie leave so that Derek can do what he does so well and sound really condescending at another person's life choice. Naomi laughs about how she's not sure what's going on with them, and Derek then pointedly asks about Sam. It's pretty rich, coming from someone who has been through his own divorce that not everyone supported. And she essentially points that out, asking about Meredith. She then points out that here they are, both divorced and talking about his girlfriend, and then asks what happened and reminds Derek that he wrote Addison a song. She laments that they used to all think they all were going to last forever, wah wah. Is she always this annoying, or is it just for Grey's? She finally drops it and tells Derek he should call Sam, who misses him, but Derek seems to doubt this.
Callie is checking in on Rob and his mangled shoulder, and finds out he didn't sleep well. But it wasn't on account of his shoulder. Instead Jen explains that she kept him up all night, afraid that her aneurysm would burst and she would die. She sounds a little bit sheepish but really, it sounds perfectly reasonable to me. It's unfortunate, then, that Alex walks in to introduce himself and explains that Mere and Derek had an emergency and her surgery is going to be pushed back. Rob is pretty appalled at the idea, and Alex has to ask who he is since he wasn't in on their whole story last week. Jen explains again that she ran him over with the car before she knew she had an aneurysm, and Callie gives Alex a look while Alex tries not to smile at the absurdity of the situation. Jen pleads to have her surgery ASAP while staying totally polite and utterly charming and cute. Callie pulls Alex aside to ask about the emergency and is stunned to hear that Addison is in the hospital.
We finally meet the girl who can send Hunt into an emotional tailspin -- her name is Beth and her father is Bernard from Lost! I guess he figured out some way off the island too. She's worried because he passed out while they were eating dinner, and he assures her heartily that he's fine. He then assures her that she should go to work (she's a 2nd grade teacher) and she wishes "Daddy" goodbye while Cristina shoots her a disgusted look. Between that, her profession and her little pink cardigan, she really is extra cutesy in a very annoying way. She leaves, and as soon as she's out the door Bernard drops his smile and tells the doctors he has colorectal cancer for which he's had polyps removed and radiation, and that Beth doesn't know and he wants to keep it that way. That's a healthy family dynamic right there. Richard says that Cristina will do a CT and asks where he's been treated, which Hunt answers as he walks through the door. If looks could kill, Hunt would be nothing but dust right now. He sheepishly stutters that he works here now, and saw that Bernard was in ... Bernard cuts him off to finish that he waited until Beth was gone to show his face. "That's just like you to face up to things like a man." Hunt just tells Bernard that Beth deserves to know about his cancer, but Bernard growls that Hunt lost any right to tell him what to do when he broke off his and Beth's engagement with a two-line email. If Cristina's eyebrows were raised any higher, they'd recede into her hairline.
Naomi, who should never sing, is singing a cheesy song not worth transcribing to Archer, while Addie, embarrassed, tries to get her to shut up in front of Mere. Ah, this must be the famous song that Derek wrote for his former love. Mark comes in and happily greets them, taking credit for writing the line that rhymed "gross anatomy class" with "Addison's fine ass." He then sees Mere and calls, "My bad," but she assures him its fine, and that it sounds like a fine song. The subject turns to Archer's surgery, which he's still not sold on having though Addison insists he is doing it. Archer doesn't like surgery, especially brain surgery. Really? Because I thought it sounded like a day at Disneyland. Talk about stupid lines. I guess he's a neurologist, and Mark comments that he's probably seen patients post-brain surgery with scrambled eggs for brains. Addie tries to shut him up since they are trying to talk Archer into it, but Derek walks in and announces that surgery "is not an option." Derek explains that Archer has eight cysts in his brain, and Derek can't get through all of them without rupturing one. Addison plays dumb and asks what this means, and Archer tells her, "You're in a room full of doctor's Addison. We're all being very quiet right now. I'm going to die. That's what it means." She starts to crumble and a dramatic musical crescendo takes us to a commercial.
Izzie has all of the interns in a room full of medical dummies on gurneys. She tells them that in their envelopes is the name of a surgery, and they are to drape their dummy for that surgery. Once they're done and correct, they'll be given a new envelope with a new task. Sadie looks totally confused, and then decides to copy what Lexie is doing. Izzie then goes up to Ryan and begins to yell in a fake voice that her mother could drape better than he can. He's practically immobilized with fear and she has to explain that she's trash talking, just for fun. It loses a whole lot of its punch once she's got to do that, and she sends George a pleading look to join in, so he gives a weak "Woo!" Lexie is done and correct, so she gets a new envelope, so Sadie calls that she is done as well. George takes one look and tells her that a whipple is for pancreatic cancer -- was she planning to go in through the mouth? She's got to start over again.
Derek is looking at brain scans when Addison walks in and gives him Bambi eyes. He tells her that there's no way, and two other top docs he called agree with him. But she cuts him off, and begins to explain how after the divorce, she put him in a tiny little box in her head and shoved it away. This is what I don't miss about the show lately -- people talking and talking and TALKING about their relationships in stupid metaphors and ridiculous descriptions instead of just having a conversation and living life. She made him "petty and inconsequential" so that he'd fit in the box and then she could move on. But now ... well, now comes the worst line of all of the previews for this episode that made me want to put my head in a blender. She needs to believe that he can do this. "I need you to be a god. Just today, be a god." The last thing that Derek needs is somebody ever giving him license to feel that important. Also? Give me a fucking break. How much more overblown can you get? "Be a god?!?" This show already suffers from a lot of corniness, and not in an endearing way, and this is not what we needed from this Crossover Event. She leaves, and Derek contemplates his godliness.
Sam shows up and in his dreamy smooth voice asks for Archer's room. There are a few people who could make me crazy just by reading the phone book aloud, and Taye Diggs is near the top of that list. "Lauren Shotwell. 555-1212." ROWR. Bailey overhears him and introduces herself, asking who he is. When he's confused, she explains for anyone not keeping up at home that Archer is Addie's brother, Archer's girlfriend is Addie's best friend and her ex-husband is Derek's best friend with whom he hasn't spoken since the divorce. I guess that's one way to take care of the backstory quickly. He says that is him and introduces himself. She apologizes since she wasn't expecting him to show up, and he laughs uncomfortably and admits he doesn't know why he's there. I just appreciate that he's there to add to the man candy quotient of this episode. She directs him to Archer's room, and then calls after him to say that Derek is looking at the scans, and that the case looks difficult. Unsaid is, "So go talk to him, you doofus, since that seems to be why you're here unless you're into torture-watching your ex-wife fear for another man's life."
Mere finds Cristina and fills her in that Archer is probably going to die, and Cristina speaks a great universal truth when she points out, "Worms in the brain. Not how you want to go!" Mere then expresses surprise that Addie even has a brother, which she thinks Derek might have mentioned. And why he'd bother telling his girlfriend about his ex-wife's family, who knows, but doesn't this sound like there's more tension between the couple? She also brings up the fact that he used to play the guitar, so Cristina counters that Hunt's ex-fiancée, whom he never mentioned to Cristina, is in the hospital, which I think trumps the guitar playing. Mere asks what's wrong with her and Cristina answers, "Well, she calls her dad 'Daddy.'" That's funny and I even call my dad, "Daddy," though I like to think I don't sound quite so saccharine as Beth does when I do it. Mere corrects to ask why she's in the hospital, and Cristina tells her that "Daddy" is the patient.
Lexie runs up to Mark and reads from the card in her hand that she's to find him and ask him his symptoms, and if she diagnoses him correctly she can move on. He tells her he's a little flushed with a rapid heart rate, and below the belt... but she cuts him off to remind him that there will be no dirty secret flirting. If he goes public with their relationship, then she'll do public flirting... she completely melts and loses her train of thought, then snaps back to ask his symptoms. I never thought I'd say this, but there is some real chemistry between these two. As he gives her his "actual" symptoms, Sadie moseys forward so that she can hear Lexie yell, "anaphylactic shock!" George totally catches her and calls her on the cheating, and gives new symptoms to Mark, which makes Sadie pout and look even more unpleasant than usual.
Hunt finds Cristina and without preamble says she must have questions, so ask away. She asks medical questions about the patient and when Hunt tries to get her on the right topic, which she clearly does not want to discuss, Ryan runs up and asks her symptoms. Hunt yells that it's not a good time but Cristina reads blandly off a card a list of symptoms for testicular cancer. She then walks off to go get Bernard's test results when Beth walks up, declaring she was useless at work, but she then goes silent when she sees Hunt. There's a whole lot of staring, and she sounds like she's about thirteen as she squeaks, "Owen? I don't understand ..." He mumbles that he works here, and she asks what he means and when he got back. She also just saw his mom, who clearly doesn't know he's back. She tearily tells him that she's been praying for him to live through Iraq and just when I think she's about to rip him a new one for lying, she throws herself at him and hugs him, happy he's home. He gives Cristina a pleading look, then pulls Beth's arms off of him and walks away.
Addison has gone to the chapel, where she is sitting by herself while Bailey, Naomi, Richard and Sam gawk in the doorway. Richard thinks she's praying but Sam dismissively answers, "Addie doesn't pray." Callie then walks up and when Naomi reports that Addison is praying, Callie snorts, "Addison doesn't pray." And, ha ha, I get it, everyone knows Addison ... but I just didn't find that funny so much as kind of offensive. I mean, her brother has worms in his brain. Let the woman try to pray, already. Addison can hear them talking and yells at them that she is in fact trying to pray, "But I don't know how to pray because I'm a WASP and we only go to church on Christmas." See? Worms in the brain bring out the (attempted) prayer in people. Callie dismisses the others, saying she's got this, and goes and sits to Addison. I'm still totally loving Callie's bangs, by the way. Addison moans that she's sure God doesn't even know who she is, which is really unfortunate since she needs help. Rather than answer, Callie kneels and prays out loud to show her friend how it's done. She isn't praying about Archer, but rather about her kiss with Arizona. Addison is excited to hear that she kissed a peds (I know that looks like "peds" as in "the tiny invisible socks" but since all anyone ever says is "peeds" instead of "pediatrics" I'm just using it, and using it as the most logical shortened spelling, so my apologies if there's any confusion) surgeon and then raises an eyebrow when she learns through the prayer that said surgeon is another woman, but seems to just go with it. Callie's problem with Arizona is that she's perky and has butterflies on her scrub kit. Her prayer is, "So... help me get over the butterflies? Amen." Oh, so, you see what she did there? Because there's the actual butterflies, and then there's the stomach butterflies... har har... lame. But she redeems herself when she then turns to Addison and informs her, "You're an amazing doctor, you save babies. God knows who you are." Addie asks her if she really believes in God, and Callie admits that she does, most of the time. "When it counts."
Derek is staring at a scan of Archer's brain with eight little bright spots in it. Sam comes in and announces, "Your wife's in the chapel, praying." Good God, you guys, how much ruder could you be about not letting Derek and Addie's relationship just be over? Especially since you yourselves are divorced? Derek informs Sam that she isn't his wife and she doesn't pray (heh) but gets up and happily hugs his friend. He asks Sam how he is and Sam admits to a midlife crisis that resulted in him getting his ear pierced for a day until he realized how dumb that was. He then tells Derek that he met Mere, and gives his buddy a friendly, "way to go" punch in the shoulder. Derek tells him kindly but firmly, "She's not a midlife crisis. She's the real thing." Look at him, acting mature and standing up for his girlfriend. If he could just cut out the condescending bullshit when he's talking to her, he'd be in the ballpark of the McDreamy of yore. Sam says he's happy for Derek, and seems to mean it and doesn't again bring up anything more about him and Addison, so for now he's better-mannered than Naomi. They apologize to each other for not calling, admit they've all changed, etc. but Sam comes back to Addison and the praying. Derek admits, "She's expecting a miracle," but he can't do it for her. He tells Sam about the 8 cysts, and Sam suggests that maybe he's too close to the situation, and offers another idea -- how would he take care of just one? Derek begins to explain it.
Sadie rips a cuff off of Rob's arm as Izzie and Alex watch, and I'm stunned that she seemed to actually get something right as she announces his blood pressure. He asks the residents what the prize is for winning, and Jen adds that they need a prize. Izzie assures them there is a big prize, then leans over and tells Alex they need a prize. Ah, writing cliché #143 this hour. Mere comes in and asks what's going on as Sadie starts an ultrasound on Jen, and Alex explains that Jen and Rob needed a distraction, and Izzie needed real patients for the contest. Izzie is still a little bit over-excited about how much fun this all is. Jen asks when her surgery will be and Mere assures her it could be any time now. But first, Jen's in for a horrible shock when Sadie puts on her "bad news" face and says that she can't find a heartbeat. Alex is there in a flash to announce she's on the baby's butt, and finds the beating heart much to Jen's relief. Izzie claps maniacally at Sadie to try and lift her spirits, which just makes Sadie madder and Izzie look all the more insane. I do like the nod towards Alex and his good touch with moms and babies, which has basically been forgotten since Addison left and the writers got tired of that storyline.
Hunt finds Cristina supervising Bernard's scan and announces (as if the technician isn't even there), "It's not what you think." Those technicians, nurses, and other random employees must go home every night and just tell their friends the most amazing overheard gossip. Hunt also tells her that he's not as much of an ass as she thinks she is. She ponders this and then asks him if his mother knows he's back. His silence answers that question nicely, so she turns and asks the technician to page her when he's done and then leaves.
Derek is back in Archer's room, explaining the method he came up with (courtesy of Sam) for removing the cysts. He needs to create room to maneuver, which he'll do by deflating the cysts one at a time. I don't really understand it, but all that's required of us viewers is to smile and nod and know that Derek is putting on his God hat. Archer throws back that the cysts will rupture, so Derek counters that he'll be able to suction the fluid. Archer says he'll have to be precise, and Derek says he will be. There's clearly no love lost between these two, and I suspect that Archer is covering up his fear by being an asshole. Addison explains for the laypeople that Derek will control the way the cysts rupture, but Archer thinks he can't do it and starts to tell everyone that while he's supposed to fight, he's totally not doing it. Derek cuts him off before he can say all that and taunts him, calling him a coward and saying that as a neurologist he's a "coward by trade," who pawns patients and responsibility off on the surgeons. Derek's trademark confidence is back, and he boasts, "I can assume the responsibility. The question is, can you?" Archer glares at him, and there's a lot of manly tension in the room. Inexplicably, Mark seems to be in the room for this conversation. Maybe to up the hotness factor, which is already nearly off the charts with Sam there as well?
Archer appears to have risen to the challenge, because he's in the OR while Naomi and Bailey watch from the observation deck. Sam joins them and notices that Bailey is filling out a peds surgery fellowship, which she comments is crazy since she's nearly done with general surgery. Sam thinks it's surprising and tells her she doesn't seem like a peds person, which clearly he has picked up from the meaningful five minutes they've spent together thus far. His reasoning is that she doesn't smile, which is something peds surgeons tend to do. Bailey, unsmiling, asserts that while she's not smiling now, she does smile other times. Mark then joins in and, when he sees the paperwork, gives a surprised, "Huh," which causes Sam to snort. Bailey tells the two that she's got a child, she's great with kids, and she's going to be excellent, which, duh, all of us already know. Sam teases that she'll have to keep her temper in check around the kids. He does not know what kind of whoop-ass she can unleash on him if this keeps up. Mark then comments on how weird it is to see "Archie" on the operating table, and Sam takes a puff of his inhaler, which is low. Bailey takes it from him and orders yet another previously unseen doctor to go refill it for him. "It's good practice. Asthma's big with the kids." Callie walks in past them and goes to stand with Addie, who is leaning against the window, begging Derek to say his line. After Derek looks up at her, he tells his staff, "Okay everybody, beautiful day to save lives," and Addie smiles, knowing that this god is now at work. Oh, give me a break.
Hunt has gone back to try and talk to Bernard, and says that they are going to have to tell Beth about his condition. Bernard pointedly reminds Hunt how she gets worried when a student has the sniffles, and that she can't handle bad news. "She's a sunshine girl. And you used to know that about her." Man, she sounds horrible -- I like to be optimistic and a nice person but if I ever get this wide-eyed, stupid and whiny, shoot me. Hunt ignores the barb and points out that she'll find out eventually, to which Bernard responds by starting to cough up an alarming amount of blood. Hunt yells for Cristina, who has been talking to Beth, and the latter is understandably freaked out to see her dad's condition. Hunt tells her that there's a complication and Bernard needs surgery, but when Beth asks what the complications are from, Hunt ignores the pointed stare he's getting from Cristina and just says that Bernard will be okay and they'll keep Beth updated.
Derek is entering the cyst-infested ventricle and we see the view inside on a screen that looks very much like they took it from the (totally awesome) movie Innerspace. He grabs a little floating egg-looking thing, which is one of the cysts, and deflates it and suctions whatever away, then manages to pull it out. He drops it into a petri dish that Mere is holding and she pokes it until a little yellowish-white worm wiggles out. Now, I can handle squirmy bugs like that when they are just outside in nature, but the idea of one inside me makes my skin literally start to crawl. For the rest of the evening after I first saw this I kept thinking I felt worms crawling all over my skin, which is something I don't really appreciate from my weekly television shows. Addison smiles at this first success, however, and Derek reminds himself that he just needs to do this one at a time.
Addie then sits down and announces that she needs to be distracted, so someone needs to talk about something else. Callie tells her that Mark is good at talking about himself, but clearly neither of the women was expecting Mark to launch into a description of a new surgical technique that he's using. Addie asks, appalled, what happened to him and Callie explains that he met someone.
Rob is standing to Jen's hospital bed, eating what appears to be pudding. He explains to his wife that Callie said he needed to eat, and she tries to be supportive and asks how it is. When he says it's amazing, she bursts into tears, clearly not expecting such a positive response about hospital food. Rob begins to backtrack, apologizing and assuring her that it's really bland, which is (as most everything this couple has done) very cute. Normally I am annoyed and sick of all the cute from patients like this, but these two manage to make me continue to love them. Jen starts to yell that she needs her surgery now, and wonders, "What kind of hospital is this?" You don't really want to hear the answer to that, honey. Alex yells at her to stop, which makes her cry harder, and he firmly tells her that she needs to calm down for her blood pressure, or else she'll start contractions. He then does another ultrasound and pulls up a mildly creepy 3-D rendering of the baby, telling her that she needs to focus on her son's face so that she can hold on for a couple more hours. In his own weird way, he's very, very good.
During Bernard's surgery, they find a tumor and lament that he'll need more aggressive treatment. Cristina points out that he's going to have to tell Beth now, clearly rather unimpressed with the idea of coddling a grown woman like he's been doing. Hunt explains that her mom died when she was little, so Bernard always gave her everything she wanted and sheltered her. Healthy! Cristina points out that she'll find out eventually, so Hunt digs himself deeper by explaining that she would call him in tears if she ever found a spider in her apartment. Look, people, some spiders are really scary, okay? I may hate Beth, but in the spirit of being honest... well, I wouldn't be crying, but I can't promise I wouldn't make (or haven't made) that phone call. Call recipients, you know who you are. Cristina's not taking any of this and points out that Bernard will need chemo, and could need hospice care, and then what? "She'll find out when it's already over. She deserves more than that." It's totally what Hunt already did to Beth with their engagement, and seems to be doing to Cristina now -- not the best emerging pattern of behavior.
Derek has gotten 7 of the cysts out, so of course on the 8th there is a problem. The cyst ruptures and a worm slides out and merrily floats off through Archer's brain, which causes him to flatline. They start a previously never-seen "code clock" which gives us a giant view of how long he's down while Derek tries to get to the worm. Mere wants to start compressions but Derek stops her and tells them he's got two to three minutes to try and get the worm before they're in real trouble.
Derek strings it out for maximum dramatic effect, through a commercial break and up to where it's been 2 minutes 20 seconds since the worm got loose. All of the women upstairs are looking desperately through the glass, and Mere is trying to get him to face reality and stop what he's doing. But Derek is a god, and he's able to grab the worm and get it out. Archer's heart rate pops back up to normal, and everyone cries tears of joy for this kind of obnoxious character that regular Grey's viewers hardly know. I mean dude, we know him WAY less than we know Jen. But as Derek says to his team when he thanks them, they just made a bunch of his friends really happy, so we can just take it at that.
Night has fallen, and Izzie's game is nearly over. She, Alex and Richard are waiting for the winner, and she tells Richard that she needs a prize, but she knows it shouldn't be too big on account of them taking out their own appendixes. Dudes, they only took out one appendix -- it was monumentally stupid, but it is still probably unfair to attribute more organ removals than that. Doing stitches on one another doesn't equal full-on illegal surgery. George is there too, looking bored and sitting on the phone, which seems kind of like an encapsulation of his character on the show now. When he does appear, he's doing nothing and it's really boring for him AND for us! Izzie goes on that she knows they are still being punished and she knows Richard thinks they aren't even qualified to hold a clamp, so does he have any prizes that will work? And while it was only one appendix, she's overdoing things a little bit here by making Richard sound like a bad guy for putting the interns on probation. There's a happy medium in here somewhere, Iz. (I'm glad to see I can still thoroughly dislike Izzie as much as usual even when I'm thrilled beyond words that Denny hasn't yet reappeared.) George then reports that the interns just got their final symptoms, and that it's time to get out the finish line. Alex unrolls some tape and hands the roll to Izzie, who holds out her hand but doesn't get close to actually grabbing the roll. The pointed look Alex gives her tells us this is sign #2 that Something Is Wrong. She finally concentrates and takes the roll from Alex, and after the line is set up Lexie, Two and Ryan come racing around the corner. It's a three-way tie, and when each gets a chance to diagnose the illness from the last set of symptoms, Lexie comes out the winner and is given a giant ribbon to wear around her neck. Richard tells her that her prize is getting to scrub in on the craniotomy with Derek, where she'll get to hold the "doomsday sucker." She's beyond excited even though she doesn't know what that is, and when Izzie asks Richard quietly what it is, he says it's just a regular sucker. (Whatever that may be.)
Bernard's surgery is over, and Hunt sits down with Beth to tell her how things went -- they removed the diseased part of his bowel and he's now in recovery. Beth doesn't seem to really be listening, though, and instead spits, "You don't even look like yourself." I'll give it to this actress -- she can perfectly play the totally naïve, unsophisticated spoiled baby who is trying to sound worldly. Hunt is taken aback and she goes on, "You look hard." She then tells him she knows it wasn't easy in Iraq, and knows it's not easy to come home and he can't be normal right away... wow, I think I'm glad we didn't know Hunt before because anyone who could be with this girl I think I would find as insufferable as she is. Hunt stands up to finish and leave, so Beth finally says what she's wanted to say. "Two lines in an email? I deserve more than that." They stare each other down, and he makes a decision that she does deserve more than that; he tells her that Bernard has cancer. She looks like a deer in the headlights as he explains that Bernard didn't want to burden her, and wanted to spare her more pain (which is clearly an explanation for his own actions) and then he walks off, leaving her gaping.
Derek is greeted by the Santa Monica gang and congratulated on the surgery while Mere watches him from upstairs. She comments to Cristina that they sang and played guitar, and that it's almost like Derek was a different person, to which Cristina says that he was. Mere says that it kind of freaks her out, that she feels like she doesn't know him, but she's smiling the whole time so nothing she's saying matches her relaxed, amused body language and I don't believe that she's worried for a second. I'm glad about that because I can't take any more manufactured relationship doubts between these two, but it also basically makes her half of this scene pointless. Cristina plays her part much better, stating matter-of-factly that she doesn't know Owen -- they both don't know their partners. She then walks off, while Mere watches the gang some more.
Now that the contest is over, George finds Sadie and delicately offers to help her review some basics or put in some hours in the skills lab. She bristles immediately, but he continues that as a repeater, he knows how it's easy to get behind. She snaps that she doesn't need a tutor, and his delicate tone has a tiny bite to it as he asks, "You don't? At this point in your training you should be able to hear symptoms, diagnose the problem, and decide whether or not a patient needs surgery. Can you do that?" She has no answer, and he asks again and explains that her bosses think that she can. "And they will put you in situations where you have to." Sadie sulks, pissed at the idea that she should be able to keep up with her schooling, and marches off. George calls after her, worried now, that she could hurt someone, but she just breezes around the corner.
Cristina is walking down the hall when Hunt comes up and steers her into an on-call room. She takes a moment to face him as he tells her that he calls his mom once a week, but he hasn't told her that he's back yet and she thinks he's calling from Iraq. Cristina sags a bit, as if this conversation really is the straw that broke the camel's back. He says that if he drove the few miles to his mom's house, he'd only make her sad and she'd look at him like Beth does. He doesn't mean, "Like a self-righteous spoiled child," but instead that she'd look at him like he's not there. "The only time I don't feel like a ghost is when you look at me, because when you look at me, you see me." He repeats this while she stares at her shoes, and then it turns into a plea as he begs her to see him. Finally, she looks up at him and he smiles at her -- both have tears in their eyes.
Now that the worms are taken care of and his friends are happy, Derek can visit his other patient who could potentially die at any second. He tells her that her surgery is scheduled for first thing tomorrow and turns to leave, but she calls after him, using his first name. She thinks that they are becoming friends, and with that in mind she begs him not to make her wait another night. I think this is totally fair, given that it's not like she has some simple little problem that can keep for a while. Derek smiles at her and tells Rob, "She's good." Rob responds, "Try being married to her. You'll never say no again." But it seems like Derek is going to agree.
Lexie is admiring her ribbon when Mark walks up and congratulates her, pointing out that he's doing so professionally and with no innuendos. She happily accepts as Addie looks on with a surprised but knowing look on her face. She walks up and introduces herself and then Derek joins them and refers to Lexie as Little Grey, letting her know that the surgery is now. Lexie runs off to get ready and Addison turns to him and asks, "Can you believe? Little Grey and..." Mark cuts her off in the most effective manner possible, by asking if she knew that Derek is proposing to Meredith. Derek runs off, while Addison just stands there, shell-shocked.
Alex finds Izzie in the locker room, cleaning everything up. Very seriously, he asks her what's going on but she chirps that everything is sunshine and brightness and tra la la. She is happy to have proven that the interns aren't losers and will make good doctors, and then repeats for good measure that she's fine a couple of more times. Alex finally seems to know better than to believe her, though.
Through a window we see Sadie slumped in a chair, talking with the Chief. Outside, George tells Mere that Sadie knows nothing and was a danger to the patients, so he told her that she could tell Richard or he would. He let Meredith know because she and Sadie are friends, but he says that for the life of him he doesn't know how or why that is. He leaves and Sadie storms out to Meredith, announcing that she quit -- she'd rather be a quitter than a cheater. So, in addition to her having an important father, she also managed to cheat her way in -- that's quite the double-whammy since usually just the father thing would do it. When Mere asks if she cheated, Sadie tries to smooth-talk her way out of it and says Mere knows that she isn't book smart. She admits that basically she thought that Mere could help see her through the program, and Mere takes it a lot better than I would. She reminds Sadie that they aren't 25, sleeping their way through Europe anymore. Sadie lights up at the memory and suggests that they hop on a plane and do just that. When Mere shuts her down, Sadie comments, disgusted, "They sucked the life right out of you." She starts to talk about the Meredith she used to know, but Mere jumps in to say that she's the same person, she just wants to be here now.
They've got Jen in surgery, and Lexie is ready with the doomsday sucker, which makes Derek giggle. She calls him on mocking her excitement, and he admits to it until he goes in and something is bad. He calls for the sucker immediately, and Lexie suctions out a massive quantity of blood. Fortunately, once it all pours out, they got what they needed and things are good. Derek even goes so far as to admit, "That will teach me never to mock an eager young intern again." I guess that means that Lexie made a difference somehow, even though I didn't entirely get that from the situation. But yay for Little Grey and her good sucking!
It appears to be dawn in Seattle, and the Santa Monica gang and Mark are celebrating in Joe's. Addie and Mark are talking about Derek's proposal like they haven't just had a good long time pass since Mark blurted out the news where in real life they would have already had this conversation. Regardless, when Mark asks if she's okay she admits that she is, and that seeing Archer in surgery changed her perspective. Mark needles her a little: "But you sort of wished it'd been you first." She yells at him to, "Shut it!" but come on, we totally know he hit the nail on the head. That would be the case for anyone. She then asks if he's going to tell Derek about Lexie, and adds that if they call Mere a 12-year-old, what is Lexie, a preschooler? Mark gets serious and says Lexie is a woman, and he's going to tell Derek. I'm still surprised, but pleasantly so that I'm kind of on board with this Lexie/Mark pairing as it grows. When Derek walks in, they all applaud him, and Addison hugs him and tells him he was a god. "You slew dragons, you walked on water, you... were a god." Enough, already! This is the last thing Derek needs, especially when he's been relatively tolerable lately. Fortunately, she tells him that now he has to go back in the box. They talk about Archer and Jen, and then the others all walk up and Naomi and Sam start to sing Derek's song for Addison. Mark even joins in, and it's still too awful to describe. Derek tries to stop them and looks really uncomfortable, but they take no notice and Addison even helps them remember the verses that they forgot. Derek steps in to correct one line that Addison had wrong and manages to joke with them, but still looks really unhappy about the trip down this particular memory lane. What great friends, to totally keep harping on a subject he's tried to shut down and to not pick up on any cues whatsoever that this is really unwelcome. Mercifully, the song ends and Derek is a good enough sport to clink Sam's glass, but maybe it's because he's as happy as we are that it's over. Everyone's relaxed and celebrating...