We pick up right where we left off, with Mere still elbow-deep in Chest Cavity Bomb Land, Kyle Chandler still hanging around looking cute, Alex and Izzie still doing the nasty in the linen closet, Bailey still attempting to delay birth, McDreamy still operating on Bailey's husband, and the Chief still bemoaning the quiet board and all that it prophesizes.
It's discovered that, even though the oxygen in Chest Cavity Bomb Land has been turned off, the main oxygen line is right beneath it, so if the bomb were to explode over the line, the whole hospital could blow the hell up. Kyle decides that the best solution is to move the entire operation elsewhere in the hospital. While this is going on, the Chief has an anxiety attack disguised as a heart attack and Mrs. Chief shows up to lord it over him for awhile.
George finds Hannah crouched in a stairwell crying and they have a heart-to-heart about her leaving the bomb behind. Somehow, this gives George courage to go into Bailey's room, where she's still not pushing the baby out and where Addison's still at a loss as to how to get her to push the baby out, and he starts lecturing Bailey that he expected more from her. His gentle prodding works and Bailey starts pushing, with George behind her, all, "Let's have this baby!" Aw.
As Burke and Meredith prepare to operate on Chest Cavity Dude and remove the bomb, Cristina chooses to enter McDreamy's OR and tell him that it's Mere who's holding the bomb, not Hannah. And that's when Tucker starts to crash on the table. Good god. So, Tucker's crashing, Meredith's making her last will and testament in front of Kyle and Burke, Bailey's pushing, more crashing, Kyle's talking Mere down off the ledge, more pushing and then -- wham! Meredith imagines Kyle is McDreamy and she finds the strength to remove the bomb as he talks her through it.
In the end, Mere removes the bomb safely and Stupid Von Bombgut survives, McDreamy brings Tucker back to life, Bailey delivers a healthy baby boy, and McDreamy comes out of the OR to find Mere and possibly profess his undying love for her, only frickin' Addison is there AGAIN to thwart his efforts. But he makes my damn day when he goes to Mere's house and sweetly reminds her of their last kiss and how glad he is that she didn't die today. Sigh.
After a relatively brief regurgitation of last week's episode (Mere thinks she's going to die, enter Stupid Von Bombgut with a big ol' unexploded WMD in his belly, hospital goes to code black, Kyle Chandler is hot, Bailey ain't pushin', Alex and Izzie sex it up, Cristina Ricci freaks, Mere sticks her hand in the Belly of Bombs and whispers "What'd I do, what'd I do, what'd I do" over and over again, et cetera), we get a sort of montage of different areas of the hospital, some empty, some filled with a non-pushing Bailey, as Mere voice-overs about how they say that in hospitals, you know when you're going to die; that it's a look some patients get in their eyes. "When the great beyond is heading for you," she says, "you feel it coming." She pauses. "Whatever it is, it's creepy." Heh. As we catch a glimpse of Addison looking scared and Alex and Izzie butt-nekkid in the closet at the closing of what appears to have been a marathon session of coitus, Mere says, "If you knew this was your last day on earth, how would you want to spend it?"
I'm thinking that "Up to my elbow in guts with my hand wrapped around a bomb" is not the answer most of us would come up with.
George is standing around, watching the Chief look panicked across the way, as Alex and Izzie scramble up and attempt to look like they did not just do it standing up against a stack of scrubs. Alex and Izzie are failing miserably at this attempt. George tells the Coitus Couple that something happened in OR Three and that Hannah the paramedic is missing. The Chief walks past them and George asks what happened and all the Chief will say is, "Quiet board. A quiet board's what happened."
We head off to check in with Martyr Medicine Man #1, McDreamy, as he's poking and prodding at the brain of Bailey's husband. No offense to Patrick Dempsey (because I LOVE HIM) but his surgical fakery is looking rough. I mean, dude looks like he's trying to crochet a hockey jersey with some salad tongs there. Anyway, Martyr Medicine Man #2, Burke, enters and asks how it's going and McDreamy smart-asses that no matter what tack he takes, there's a danger that ol' Tucker could hyphenate through his craniotopography and die. What? I don't have a medical degree. Hell, I don't even have a medical dictionary. Do I really need one for this show? This isn't ER, for god's sake. I just watch this shit for the hot doctors, yo.
McDreamy asks what Burke wants and Burke seems to want to tell McDreamy that he's a stupid-ass for not evacuating. McDreamy's like, uh, takes one to know one, you pompous tool. "We should consider a change in profession," quips McDreamy. "Yeeeehhhsss," chortles Burke. "We should." McDreamy asks if Burke can operate on the guy without the bomb exploding, and Burke assures him that after the bomb squad gets through assessing the situation, he should be able to handle the job. "I gotta say," says McDreamy, "I don't wanna be the guy who kills Bailey's husband." Burke calmly considers this. "And I don't wanna be the guy who kills us all." Ouch. Burke wins this round of "My Job Sucks More Than Yours."
Sucking Chest Wound Operating Theater. Mere still has her hand inside Stupid Von Bombgut's belly. Cristina's breathing for the guy as Kyle "I'm Super-Hot" Chandler puts a flak jacket on Mere. Hot Kyle tells Mere that what she did was incredibly stupid, and Cristina doesn't even take a breath before she spits out that she agrees. "Okay, you know when you don't need to be made fun of?" Mere snaps. "Like when you've got your hand inside a body that's got a bomb in it and a stranger is velcro-ing a flak jacket to your boobs." Hee. So true, Mere. So true. Cristina shuts up, and Mere looks at her. "I had a feeling," she says pointedly. Cristina understands what Mere's talking about, because she gets this look on her face like, "Oh, shit. Maybe I should have paid more attention and, um, not physically kicked you out of bed. That might have been nice, huh?"
Out in the hallway, Burke rounds a corner. He pauses for a second, then seems to make a decision, and stalks toward the door of the OR. Once inside, he walks directly over to Cristina and says that it's time for her to go. She's all, I'm fine right here, thanks. He's all, yeah-huh, get the hell out. She's all, no, really, I'm fine and I'm sticking by my girl here. Burke's all, DID I MENTION THE "TIME TO GO" PART? He tells her that this isn't just some cool surgery and this bomb could go off any time, and Cristina gets pissy with him and says, "You think this is just about surgery --" "I cannot do this with you in here!" he hisses directly into her ear with an obvious note of panic in his voice. This gives Cristina pause, and she looks over at Mere, who tells her to go on and go and that they'll be fine. Cristina slowly goes to leave, but stops at Burke's side. "You know in the movies, how there's always the hero and then there's the other guy? You know, the guy who sees danger and then runs in the opposite direction?" "Yes," says Burke, looking at her. "Be the other guy," she says. They stare at each other for a moment and then Cristina finally leaves. Damn, I love them.
Watching this little scene, Mere tears up and she has to exhale deeply to get her shit together. "So…" she says to Hot Kyle, "you have a plan, right? You have a way to get me out of this, right?" Hot Kyle just looks at her, the thought "um, kind of but not so much, really, but if we get out of this alive, I'm totally asking you out" written across his face as clearly as if someone had scrawled it there with a red Sharpie.
Locker Room Confessional. George, Alex, and Izzie are all sitting on the floor, totally flabbergasted that Mere, their rock, their center, their somewhat narcissistic and whiny friend who rescues bad dogs from the pound and then dumps them on her ex-boyfriends, could possibly die today. They all have different ways of dealing with this information. George says that colors seem brighter; Alex says that it's adrenaline and that for him, smells are stronger; Izzie tells both of them to shut the fuck up and then has an inappropriate laugh attack. I feel for her. I've been known to laugh at christenings and weddings and wakes and funerals. It's very embarrassing. Especially when I'm wearing my clown suit.
Izzie can't stop laughing, so she runs off, and Alex runs after her to cure her giggles with a dose of coitus. Back in the ORs of Doom and Destruction, Cristina enters McDreamy's OR, and he tells her she doesn't have to be there, and she says that she does. She's very adamant about this and McDreamy lets her stay. He asks how Hannah is doing and Cristina's like, the who? McDreamy reminds her who Hannah is, and Cristina chooses not to tell McDreamy that Hannah is off drinking tequila somewhere in a stairwell while his ex-girlfriend is the one left holding the bomb. Good thinking, Cristina. Might want to save that tidbit for later in the episode when it has the potential to do the most damage.
Back with the Chief and the rest of the rabble, he's kind of freaking out and Addison is unwisely telling him to calm down. The Chief is like, uh, did you just say "calm down"? Because I got a bomb in a body cavity, a shut-down OR, two of my favorite drinking buddies -- erm, I mean, two of my finest surgeons trapped within a ten-foot radius of an explosive device, a missing paramedic, an intern with her hand wrapped around a bomb, and my favorite resident who's in labor but refusing to push the damn baby out. I'm thinking that CALM DOWN is not in my vocabulary at this moment, you pinched-face little TWIT. "Okay, don't calm down!" snaps Addison. The Chief looks at her like, "That's what I THOUGHT you said." Hee.
George steps up and muffles that Dr. Bailey is scared and that it's a day to be scared. The Chief and Addison look at George like he has a vat of pigeon poo dripping down over his head. Then they hilariously ignore him (aw, poor George!) and continue their discussion of Bailey's non-pushing as if George never spoke at all. Addie's worried that if Bailey doesn't push, she's going to have to do an emergency C-section, and in order to do that, she's going to need an OR. The Chief hollers that he doesn't HAVE an OR to GIVE or doesn't Addie remember the part about THE BOMB? The Chief wants Addie to convince Bailey to push because, after all, Bailey's rational. Addie wants the Chief to try pushing a prize-winning watermelon out of his ass and see how rational HE is. She also wants him to find her an OR, build her an OR, pull an OR out of thin air, she doesn't care, just do it, or Bailey's baby will die. Addie stalks off, and the Chief subtly touches his left arm a couple of times as a nurse hands him the set of blueprints he asked for. I didn't notice the Chief touching his arm the first time I watched this, but now that I see it, I can only say nice little signal, there, Chief! Methinks there's an attack of some sort coming up some time soon!
Izzie's back in the Linen Closet of Looooove. Alex enters (ha! I'm twelve) and sits to her as she giggles inappropriately some more. She says she laughs at funerals and he says he doesn't go to funerals and before we know it, Izzie's launched herself at Alex's face. In a surprising move, Alex stops her. Izzie pulls back and confesses that she was jealous of Meredith and the chest cavity surgery and now…well, now, Meredith might die. "I was jealous, Alex," says Izzie. Alex touches her face and they kiss and my guess is that he's going to administer that dose of coitus Izzie needs so much.
Sucking Chest Wound Operating Theater. Burke, Mere, and Hot Kyle seem to be just hanging around, waiting. Seems like a perfect time for a chat. Mere asks if this is the strangest thing that's ever happened in Burke's OR and he says that it certainly is. "Good," she quips. "Because I'm very competitive." Heh. "All the best surgeons are," he says seriously. Aw. Dammit! I can't cry already! It's only sixteen minutes into the bloody episode! Sniff. Tissue, anyone?
Speaking of needing a tissue, George is calmly trying to talk Bailey into pushing, and Bailey looks like she'd remove George's testicles with a set of nail clippers if she could manage to get her baby-laden butt out of the chair. George tells her about the potential emergency C-section and Bailey just irrationally demands a ride home because this baby is not coming out today, no way, no how. George tells her the baby could die and she just hollers, "CAN YOU GIVE ME A RIDE?" George doesn't respond, and Bailey orders him to get the hell out. He reluctantly leaves.
Back with the Chief, he's looking at the blueprints. "Is there any news?" says a female voice. He looks up, and it's Mrs. Stupid Von Bombgut. She shakily blathers something about her husband and how he could die because he's losing a lot of blood, and I know that I should feel sorry for her because how awful would it be to lose your loved one in this way but -- and you can hate me for this if you want -- I kind of just want to take her out back and beat her around the head and neck with a Nerf bat for a couple of hours. Maybe it's because of all the screaming she did before. Or, really, I suspect that it's her husband and that stupid friend of his I really want to do damage to, but one of them has a bomb in his gut and the other one isn't here right now, so beggars can't be choosers and I'd really like that Nerf bat right about now, okay?
So, whatever, Mrs. Stupid Von Bombgut asks the Chief if her husband could die, and the Chief honestly answers her that yes, he could bleed out and die. Mrs. Stupid takes this relatively well and leaves to go cry in a corner and avoid my Nerf Bat of Pointless Revenge. The Chief watches her go and then shouts that he wants an update and where in the HELL is the head of the bomb squad? "I'm right here," snaps Hot Kyle impatiently. "And we're good to go." He says that his team is in place and Burke is ready and they can have the bomb out in under ten minutes, "If I'm not interrupted again." Heh. The Chief takes Hot Kyle's snotty tone in stride and then calmly announces that, even though he's turned off the oxygen in the room with the bomb, the main oxygen line for the entire floor of the OR lies directly beneath the bomb room. Well, clearly that's not a good thing.
Linen Closet of Looooove. Alex and Izzie have just finished another treatment of coitus and are putting on their clothes. Alex tells her that it's all going to be okay and Izzie rolls her eyes at him, like, what a stupid thing to say, Dr. Love. Izzie rushes off to help in some way and thanks him for the okay comment, even if it's incredibly clichéd and not very comforting. Alex chases after her, in case she comes down with another case of the giggles and needs another Hot Love Injection.
Exploding Stomach Wound Theater. Mere's standing over the body, squinting in the general direction of the door, where Burke and Hot Kyle are whispering and hissing to each other as they keep turning and looking back at her. Finally, she's like, dudes? I can SEE you and you're ANNOYING me. I'm not five, I'm not a patient, tell me what the hell is going on. Burke tells her about the main oxygen line running directly under the room. "Okay," she says. Burke just looks at her. "Not okay?" she says. Heh. Neither of the guys elaborates on the oxygen line story. "I need one of you to tell me what this means exactly," she says, getting irritated. "Because I think I know what it means, but I tend to be glass-half-empty these days, so I won't trust what I think it means, because what I think it means is that if the bomb were to explode over the oxygen line, the whole hospital could blow up. And that's just crazy, right?" Neither Burke nor Hot Kyle says one damn thing, so you know that Mere is right on the money.
Meanwhile, Izzie and Alex run up to the Chief with their sex hair flying and offer their assistance. "We need an assignment, sir," says Izzie. "And I need a defibrillator, STAT because I'm havin' a heart attack, people!" says the Chief in his head as he grabs his arm and starts sweating profusely. "Also, have you two been sexing it up in the linen closet? Because that hair ain't fooling anybody, dudes." Izzie and Alex, grateful for an assignment, any assignment, crowd around the Chief and attempt to take care of him. Commercials.
Man, this is one busy hospital. They got bombs in guts, interns in peril, doctors in labor, husbands of doctors in labor with their brains hanging out their heads, chiefs of surgery having heart attacks, interns having sex with each other AND with their superiors -- and this is all just in one day! I shudder to think what a whole week looks like around there. Black holes, rips in the fabric of time, alien invasions, mutants being led astray by Magneto and trying to take over the world…
Sucking Chest Wound Operating Theater. Hot Kyle tells Mere not to worry, that all the oxygen line scenario means is that they have to move the body. Burke shoots Hot Kyle a look like, the hell you say? Mere's like, uh, I can't wiggle my fingers because it could upset the ammo, but now you're telling me you want to move the whole damn gurney? What are you, on a strict diet of Alpo or something? Hot Kyle says it's the safest option and they'd better get the show on the road. Burke jumps into action and the Moveable Sucking Chest Wound Operating Theater hits the traveling circuit.
Back with the Chief. He's in bed, being tested for the heart attack, but this storyline is already boring me, so I'll just state a couple of things for the record. 1. Izzie's sex hair is hilarious, 2. Loretta Devine as the Chief's wife is awesome, and 3. watching Izzie attempt to throw some medical jargon at the Chief's wife about made me fall out mah chair. For reals. The Chief tries to get out of bed in order to go back to work, but Mrs. Chief just sassily tells him he'll have to body-check her to get out of the room, and he reluctantly lies back in the bed.
Elsewhere in the hospital, Addie's scrunched up on a gurney somewhere, looking less than pleased. George approaches and he's full of questions. He's all, what do we do about Bailey? Can we drug her? How about we put a burlap sack over her head and drag her to a safe house and perform the C-section there? Is this annoying? All my questions? Because I can stop? But then I'd have to actually do something? And I'm not sure how to do that? Because I'm cute, but not too bright? Addison finally snaps and says, "Do you think I'm not doing everything I can to help her? I mean, do you think I'm just out here because, I don't know, I'm just feeling a little…lazy? Just need a little 'me' time?" Heh. She's awesome. George is flustered. "I'm just asking --" "Stop asking!" shouts Addison. "Because no matter what you ask me, the answer is 'I DON'T KNOW.'" Whoa.
She goes on to say that Bailey's husband is in mortal danger, and there's not a hell of a lot Addie can do to comfort her right now because there's not a hell of a lot that Addie can do to comfort herself right now, and she's doing her best and Bailey's doing her best and Addie needs GEORGE to do his best, and unfortunately, his "best" doesn't involve him standing around asking the world's stupidest questions. You know, I love George and all, but she's got a point. Like, do something, dude. You got questions? Well, sometimes you have to answer the questions yourself instead of looking for the answers everywhere else. George is rightly stunned by Addison's outburst and he kind of sheepishly walks away as she just slumps back against the wall and retreats into Passive-Aggressivaland.
George heads to the nearest stairway to stew in his own juices. Before he can get too pruney, he hears crying in the distance and gets up to lean over the balustrade. He sees Hannah below and asks if she's okay. She doesn't answer, and he sees blood on her hand and runs down to help her. She says her hand is okay, and he asks if she's Hannah. Duh. I just said she is, George. Stop asking so many stupid questions! She says she's Hannah all right and George looks conflicted for a second, as if he shouldn't be helping the woman who put his beloved Mere in the path of a bomb.
Down in the ORs of Doom and Destruction, McDreamy asks Cristina for some scissors, but she's too busy peeking out the window at Burke and Hot Kyle as they move down the hallway. She rips off her scrubs and runs out to see what's going on, like, way to leave the surgery, Yang! The trio is moving the gurney steadily and slowly down the hallway as Meredith asks Hot Kyle to go over the plan with her again. He tells her that the bomb is about eight inches long and that, once Burke's team and the bomb squad are in place, Hot Kyle's going to ask Meredith to take the hand she has in the chest and wrap it around the bomb and pull it out. "Pull it out while keeping it level," he says to her intensely. That's…I'm sorry. But I have a dirty mind. And every time they say "pull it out," well, you can imagine where my head goes. It's not a pretty place.
"You know, I don't like you very much," says Mere to Hot Kyle. "I don't like you either," says Hot Kyle. Well, that's the biggest load of horseshit I've been served up in a long time, because it's pretty clear they're both totally hot for each other. Or am I projecting? Cristina rushes up then and is all, what're you doing? And Hot Kyle is all, DO NOT MOVE DO NOT TOUCH THE BOMB. Mere says they're moving to another OR that's away from the oxygen line. "You know, in case we blow up," she squints. Cristina asks where Burke is, and Mere says he's getting another OR ready. Hot Kyle orders Cristina to stand over by the wall, and she moves so the gurney can pass.
Mere orders Cristina to tell her something and Cristina's like, the huh? Mere says, "Cristina. I have my hand on a bomb. I'm freakin' out. And most importantly? I really have to pee. Tell me anything." Cristina pauses. "He told me he loved me." Mere looks at her. "Last night, he thought I was sleeping, but I heard him say it." Mere can't believe her ears. "Burke loves you," she says. "Yeah," says Cristina. She catches Hot Kyle glaring at her and shoots him a look and says, "Mind your own business." Heh. Hot Kyle's glare drops right off his face. That's right, Hot Kyle. Bombs are scary, but Cristina? Scarier. Mere again repeats that Burke loves Cristina and all Cristina can say is, "Yeah, everybody has problems." Hee. Oh, also, I should note that several times during this scene, we get a close-up on the wheels on the bottom of the gurney, so I imagine that's going to muck up this transport here in just a second.
Mere asks if Cristina's going to say it back to him and Cristina's all, hell no! He said it to sleeping me! I don't have to say it back! And the gurney moves toward a little strip of metal on the floor. "Besides," says Cristina. "He might blow up." "Excellent point!" says Mere as the gurney hits the metal strip and everyone looks at each other like, "D'OH!" After a moment, Hot Kyle gathers his senses and orders everyone to keep moving, nice and slow. He shoots a glare at Cristina, who ignores him, and she looks at Mere. "You had to say you were gonna die today." "I told you," says Mere with a shrug. Hee.
Meanwhile, George is attending to Hannah's hand. She asks after Meredith, and George tells her that Mere is still alive. Hannah kind of sighs, and she gets this look on her face that's like, "Man, I suck." George, sensitive as always, reads her correctly and tells her that Dr. Milton should never have left her there alone and that he's a coward. Hannah thinks she's a coward because she ran away. "You think you're going to be different," she says. "You think you're gonna be the kind of person who stays and does something. You know, the good man in a storm." She laughs wryly and goes on to say that, as a paramedic, she's supposed to stay and do something instead of running away to hide under the stairs. I can honestly say that I would be the person who stayed behind with her hand on the bomb. And then, when the reality of my situation crashed through my bravado, my butt would be outta there faster than you can say "Scarlett Johansson is a no-talent ass clown." All I'm saying is, yeah, I'd like to think that, given the chance, I'd be the kind of person who would throw themselves on top of a bomb and scream at everyone to go on with out me, but I'm fairly sure that, if the chance presented itself, and an alternate choice appeared in the form of a big-ass exit door, I can't guarantee that I wouldn't be running for that exit like I had rocket-fueled rollerblades on my feet.
Elsewhere in the hospital, Alex walks up to Izzie and tells her that the Chief's blood work came back and that all he had was an anxiety attack. "Who's gonna tell him?" asks Alex, as if telling the Chief that he didn't suffer a heart attack is somehow a distasteful task. "I gave you sex in the linen closet," quips Izzie. "You tell him." "Fair enough," says Alex, walking off. Hee.
Bailey's Room of Non-Pushing. Addie's trying to get Bailey to turn over onto her back and push, but Bailey just cries and won't move. George watches from a distance. Addie tries one final time to reason with Bailey, but it's simply not working. She moves past George and tells the nurse to tell the Chief to get them an OR. Before she can leave the room, George suddenly locates his spine. "Dr. Bailey, I'm surprised at you," he says. "I really thought -- this is not how I thought how you'd do this." He moves over to Bailey and grabs a wet cloth and runs it over her arm...because women in labor like wet cloths? I don't know. "I truly…I expected more," George continues.
Addie starts to protest, but she shuts up when she sees that Bailey appears to be listening to him. "You're Dr. Bailey," says George, getting closer to her face. "You don't hide from a fight. You don't give up. You strive for greatness. You, Dr. Bailey…you are a doer. I know your husband's not here and there are a lot of things going on here that we have no control over. But this…" He touches her chin gently and she opens her eyes and looks at him. "This…we can do. Okay? Okay." Addie sees that Bailey's starting to turn over, so she gets the stirrups ready, and George helps Bailey sit up and then he climbs onto the bed behind her and she falls back against him. "Let's have this baby," he calmly says into her ear. Tissues, STAT! No, seriously. Bring the box. I'm not well.
New OR of Doom and Destruction. Burke's ready to start operating. The bomb squad's ready to take the bomb. The only person who doesn't seem to be ready is Meredith, who's suddenly having a moment of fear-fueled indecision. Burke asks her if she's ready and she asks if she has a choice. Basically, no. She doesn't. Burke starts to cut, and as soon as he extends the wound, Meredith's going to have to quickly pull the bomb out, all while keeping it level. We switch to McDreamy's OR, where Cristina's just shown up again. McDreamy asks how the girl with the bomb is, you know, because the guy that the bomb is inside of doesn't really matter, and Cristina chooses this precise moment to tell McDreamy that "the girl" is actually Meredith. And Tucker chooses this precise moment to crash. Jesus. Nice timing, TUCKER.
While Tucker's busy ruining McDreamy's day, Burke has made his incision and says that Meredith is good to go to remove the bomb. Hot Kyle tells her to wrap her hand around the nose of the bomb, but she's kind of not paying attention to him. The insidious sound of "Breathe" by Anna Nalick starts up on the soundtrack and as appropriate as the song may be to the situation, it's already been played to death on every radio station ever invented and therefore is totally pulling me out of the scene because man, do I hate this song. I may have liked it the first four hundred bazillion times I heard it, but I pretty much lost interest in it after that.
We switch back to McDreamy's OR and Tucker's still crashing. Everyone scrambles to save him. We switch back again to Mere. Hot Kyle says her name, and Mere pulls off her mask and says that George and Izzie shouldn't have to move out of the house. She's giving her last will and testament, basically. Hot Kyle says, "No," in this determined sounding voice, as if he's willing her not to accept defeat. Aaaaand then we switch to Bailey, who's pushing and pushing and pushing. And back to Tucker who's still fighting for his life. Nothing's working. Back with Mere and Hot Kyle and Burke and Mere's starting to freak out, and she tells Burke and Hot Kyle to go and she'll deal with the bomb herself and Burke tells her that nobody's dying today and finally, Hot Kyle orders Meredith to look at him.
"I know this is bad," he says. "And I'm this ass who's been yelling at you all day. So pretend that I'm not. You pretend that I'm someone you like. Whatever you need. But you need to listen to me. Okay?" Mere looks down and when she looks back up, McDreamy is standing across from her instead of Hot Kyle. Hell, I'll take either one of them, really. I'm not picky. "I'm scared," Mere says. "I know," says McDreamy. "You can do this. It'll be over in a second. You can do this, Meredith." She visibly calms down and says, "Okay." We see a shot of them from above and they're in an empty hospital room and this image merges with the real Mere with her hand in the body and Hot Kyle standing across from her. She slowly pulls the bomb out of the body as the Burke and Hot Kyle watch her.
Simultaneously, Tucker's still crashing as Bailey's still pushing. Addie orders Bailey to stop pushing and George peers into the mirror behind Addie's head and tells Bailey that he can see the top of the baby's head and that it has lots of hair and is cute. "O'Malley?" Bailey gasps. "Stop lookin' at mah va-jay-jay!" HA HA HA HA. Oh, god. It's not just the word that's funny. It's Chandra Wilson's delivery. It's like quiet on the first syllable and then explosively pissed off in the second two. Genius. Adding to the funny is T.R. Knight's expression as he pointedly looks far, far away from the va-jay-jay and says, "Yes, ma'am." Heeeeee.
Stop laughing -- Tucker's still crashing. McDreamy goes into hero mode and leaps around the table and starts delivering the chest pumps himself. Still nothing. Cristina looks at him in alarm. Bailey pushes. Tucker crashes. McDreamy pulls back from the table in defeat. Then he hauls off and throws all his weight into a punch to Tucker's chest. We switch to Mere, who's finally pulled the bomb out of the chest and is slowly handing it to Hot Kyle. Back with Tucker, McDreamy's shot to the heart (and you're to blame!) apparently has magical healing powers because suddenly, Tucker's alive again and all is right with the world. Hot Kyle has the bomb now, by the way, and he looks at Mere and tells her that she did good. Aw. He slowly turns and walks out of the room as Mere steps back to let Burke get to work.
Mere's breathing heavily as she watches Kyle walk away. Suddenly, she decides to go after him, maybe to tell him thank you or to give him her number or something, but before she can say, "I love you, Hot Kyle!" the bomb blows up and so does Hot Kyle and Mere gets thrown back through the air and lands on her head as Hot Kyle's Pink Mist floats down around her. The hallway fills with smoke and flaming papers and dust and ash and debris and man, even though I saw that one coming, I still jumped right out of my skin when it happened. Poor Hot Kyle.
The rest of the hospital must have heard the explosion because when we come back from the commercials, the Chief is on the phone demanding to know what the hell is happening down in his OR. "Who's coming up?" he asks. "Okay." He gets off the phone and yells at everyone that "they're" coming up, only we don't know who "they" are. The camera swoops along at floor level toward the elevators as the Chief and Mrs. Chief and the entire Seattle population, apparently, go to meet whoever it is who's arriving. The elevator doors open up and we see Burke and McDreamy leaning against the back, utterly exhausted. They look out and seem surprised to find a welcome wagon staring back at them. They walk out, and Burke throws a look at McDreamy. "Derek," he says with a smirk. "Preston," volleys McDreamy. Heh. Aw. They're friends now!
Mrs. Stupid Von Bombgut approaches Burke and asks if her husband is alive, and Burke says he is. She asks if he's going to stay alive, and Burke points at Hannah across the way. "Thanks to that young lady over there, he is." Mrs. Stupid Von Bombgut starts crying and she walks over and hugs Hannah. Aw. Way to throw the credit to the scared paramedic, Burke! McDreamy makes his way through the crowd with a panicked look on his face. The Chief sees him and walks over. "Where is she?" asks McDreamy, obviously distressed. "You had to be a cowboy," snarks the Chief. "Wh-where is she?" demands McDreamy again. Mrs. Chief is watching their interaction very carefully. "She's right here," says the Chief as…Addison comes careening around the corner and worriedly throws herself into her husband's arms. McDreamy's face visibly drops and it's quite clear that, even though he's not throwing Addison to the ground and walking over her crumpled body in order to go off in search of Meredith, Addison's not the "she" he was looking for. Mrs. Chief picks up on this too and pointedly remarks to the Chief that Addison wasn't who Derek was looking for. The "you dumb-ass" is implied.
The "she" McDreamy was looking for is in the locker room, being attended to by Cristina and Izzie. In a scene that directly mirrors the opening scene from last week's episode, George appears in the doorway as Cristina turns on the water and she and Izzie begin to take care of their friend. Slowly and carefully, they remove Mere's OR gown and lean her back under the spray of the shower in order to clean the blood and debris off her. No, I'm not crying. Shut your hole.
Later that night, Cristina falls into bed, exhausted, and looks over at her sweetly sleeping boyfriend. She asks if Burke's awake, and he just snores. "I love you too," she says to his oblivious face. Aw. She turns over to go to sleep. I said I'm not crying, dammit!
McDreamy's Magic Fist of Revivification apparently also has miraculous powers of recuperation attached to it, because just hours after his skull was cracked open, Tucker Jones is wide awake and conscious and taking a nice, long look at his firstborn son, William George Bailey Jones. Awwwwwwww. Sniff. Bailey sighs with relief and puts her head in the crook of her husband's neck. SNIFF.
House of Ominous Declarative Sentences. Mere's lying in bed, probably still in shock. Izzie knocks and enters and says that there's someone at the door for her. Mere heads downstairs and McDreamy's there waiting. And yes, he even waits hotly. "Hey," she says in a tone of voice that's like, "Uh, what're you doing here?" "Hey," he says back in a tone of voice that's like, "I almost lost you and I STILL can't bring myself to leave my wife so, yes, I'm still a pussy."
"You almost died today," he says. "Yeah, I almost died today," she says. There's a pause and there doesn't seem to be much more to say, so they just look at each other for a moment. Then Derek decides to leave, because kissing her and telling her he loves her is clearly out of the question. "I can't…" starts Mere. "I can't remember our last kiss." Derek stops and looks at her. "All I could think about was, 'I'm gonna die today and I can't remember our last kiss,' which…is pathetic, but…the last time we were together and happy…I want to be able to remember that, and I can't, Derek. I can't remember it." He kind of thinks for a moment and then smiles and says, "I'm glad you didn't die today." Oh. Okay. Thanks, Derek! Thanks for that!
Thankfully, he doesn't leave it at that. Instead, he turns at the door and says, "It was a Thursday morning. You were wearing that ratty little Dartmouth t-shirt you look so good in. The one with the hole in the back of the neck. You'd just washed your hair and you smelled like some kind of…flower. I was running late for surgery, you said you were gonna see me later. Then you leaned into me, you put your hand on my chest…and then you kissed me. Soft…but quick. Kinda like a habit. You know, like we'd do it every day for the rest of our lives. You went back to reading the newspaper and I went to work. And that was the last time we kissed." He goes to leave. "Lavender," says Mere. "My hair smelled like lavender, from my conditioner." "Lavender," he says with a sexy little smile, and finally leaves. She looks after him as her voice-over says, "If you knew this was your last day on earth, how would you want to spend it?"