The doctors are finally figuring out what House has known for years: everybody lies. Meredith lies to Cristina about still being hot for McDreamy, and Cristina returns the favor by lying about moving in with Burke. Cristina also does a number of awesome things in this episode, like getting in McDreamy's face about the way his behavior is affecting Meredith; learning how to stop worrying and love the Burke; and totally beating Alex and George in a hot-dog eating contest inspired by a competitive eating patient. Unfortunately, the actual competitive eater has torn her esophagus by downing one too many wienies. Meanwhile, George bonds with a sassy elderly woman who refuses to leave the hospital even though she's been discharged, because she doesn't want to go live in a nursing home. Alex, after waiting nearly the entire hour to open the letter, finds out he's passed his boards. Bailey goes into pre-term labor and is put on bed rest, but not before she reminds the interns that she is still watching each and every one of them. And Fool and the Gang devise a way to get rid of their pesky dog -- by giving it to Addison and McDreamy.
Over a shot of McDreamy in surgery, Mere gets right to it with her voice-over: "As doctors, we're trained to be skeptical, because our patients lie to us all the time. The rule is, every patient is a liar until proven honest." Mere watches McDreamy work from the observation deck; she's alone until Cristina joins her, shooting her a knowing look. Mere asks Cris why she's not busy prepping for rounds and stealing all the good cases, to which Cristina responds with the same question. Mere shrugs. "No reason." Cristina clearly doesn't believe her, and walks over to sit to her. MereVO: "Lying is bad, or so we're told. Constantly, from birth. Honesty is the best policy. The truth shall set you free. I chopped down the cherry tree. Whatever." Agreed. Mere confesses that she's waiting for McDreamy, because he's "doing [her] a favor." Cristina says she's avoiding Burke, because he thinks she moved in with him. Mere: "He thinks you moved in with him?" Cris: "You're calling him McDreamy again?" They have a little staring contest, then each sigh heavily. MereVO: "Lying is a necessity."
Cut to McDreamy taking a sample of Mere's blood. She thanks him for doing this, as they won't accept her mom into whatever trial she's entering without a full family history. McDreamy says he's happy to get her mom in, then stands up and leans in a little too close to Mere's face for my comfort. "All done. How's that feel?" he says dreamily, staring deep into her eyes, as she does the same. GAG. Don't get me wrong, I love these two together too (say that ten times fast), but this is more than enough. MereVO: "We lie to ourselves, because the truth? The truth freaking hurts." She jumps up and says it feels good. I'm sure.
Cristina and Mere pede-argue. Cristina can't believe she's calling him McDreamy again. Mere says it's nothing. Cristina: "What are you doing?" Mere: "What are YOU doing?" Cristina: "Stop repeating what I say!" Heh. They stop at the balcony overlooking the front door of the hospital, and see George and Izzie banging on the door, bad doggie in tow. George screams through the glass, "Cujo! HAS TO GO!" Cut to all of them, including the dog, in the locker room, where Izzie is informing Mere that the dog peed on her bed. George complains that they got him without even asking what he thought. Mere pleads with them to take pity on the poor thing. "He's our dog! We rescued him! Come on, you guys." George says he's putting his foot down; either the dog moves out, or he does. Mere looks at the dog, then George, clearly having trouble making up her mind. George is incredulous: "You hesitated! She hesitated!" Izzie: "You hesitated?" Mere says she was just thinking. George is all, "You have to think about it? Fine, I'm moving out right now!" He tries to storm out, but runs into Bailey, and turns right back around. "Later. I'm moving out later!" Aw, Georgie. Bailey, hugely pregnant, waddles in and looks around: "Tell me that is not a dog." All of the interns intone simultaneously, "S'not a dog." Before Bailey can order them around for the day, her pager goes off.
Cut to the ambulance bay. The patient is a twenty-nine-year-old man who's severed three fingers on his left hand. The fingers, fortunately, were retrieved and are on ice. Rick the Fingerless asks anxiously if they can sew them back on. "'Cause they sewed that guy's penis back on, right?" Bailey tells Rick that penises and fingers are like apples and oranges. Heh. Rick explains that he lost his fingers loading his "gear" onto a truck, and they got caught in the lift gate. We learn that Rick is a guitarist. Oops. He's freaking out most entertainingly, begging someone to tell him this really isn't that big a deal...right? "Oh, dude, I so better not be out of the band." Crazy lead guitar music twangs us into the credits.
We return to McDreamy telling Rick that the cuts look clean, so that's good, but if the surgery is successful, he's looking at a long recovery. He examines Rick's hand, which has a hideous flamey tattoo on it. "You smoke?" Rick asks why he wants to know. McDreamy says smoking constricts the blood vessels, and he's seen really good grafts fail over a few cigarettes. Rick asks if that means his fingers will fall off if he smokes after his operation. Cristina just can't help herself: "No, first they turn black and necrotic. Then they fall off." Rick lies that he doesn't smoke anyway, so it doesn't matter. Cristina holds up one of his severed fingers. "Really? 'Cause judging by the nicotine stains, your fingers do." Anyway, isn't some kind of law that all musicians -- especially guitarists -- have to smoke? How else are they supposed to look all hard and cool without that nail hanging from their lips while they shred on that awesome cover of "All Along The Watchtower"? Rick knows.
An elderly woman calls from her hospital bed, "Helloooo? Is there anybody out there?" Only Pink Floyd, ma'am. A nurse wearily tells George that "she" was supposed to be discharged after her hip replacement surgery, don't look at her. George asks why she's still here, then. Nurse goes off: "Because I am not a bouncer, and this is not a nightclub. I am doing what I can with extremely limited staff and resources, and if you have a problem with that? Take it up with the chief!" This last part she yells right at Webber, who has just walked up. The woman starts singing loudly, and Webber tells George that Mrs. Larsen has to go. George wants to know what he's supposed to do about it. Webber: "She's 78 and non-ambulatory! You have the upper hand here." Webber catches Alex out of the corner of his eye and asks if they can talk for a second. Uh-oh. Webber hands Alex an envelope containing the results of his board exam. Izzie wants him to open it immediately. He says he'll get to it.
Mrs. Larsen's room. She's still singing. When she's done, George applauds nicely. Mrs. Larsen, who is what I believe they call a "firecracker" or a "pistol," dramastically thanks him. George introduces himself, and Mrs. Larsen gets all excited. "Oh, an Irishman! I love the Irish. They have a sparkle, you can see it in the eye. And a swagger." She flirtily asks George to show her the swagger. George attempts a swagger, but only succeeds in looking like he's sprained his ankle. Heeeee. Mrs. Larsen tells him the eyes are right, but the swagger needs a little work. George tries to tell Mrs. Larsen she needs to get the hell out of the hospital, but she interrupts, "Call me Sophie. Now, be a doll, and bring me a remote. This one's busted!" George says he can't bring her a new remote because she's no longer a patient, and according to her chart, she has a room waiting for her at the Sugarmaple Nursing Home. Sophie sets her jaw, and says she's staying until the room at her daughter's house is ready. "She's doing it a shade of pink," Sophie informs George as she rubs a little lotion into her hands. "Now, bring me a remote, Irish. I'm going to sing until you get back." Sophie starts singing in her little old-lady voice again, and George is defeated. He takes the busted remote, and heads off to find a new one.
Alex's patient is Yumi Miyazaki, an extremely attractive young Japanese woman who is presenting with persistent hiccups. Izzie tells Bailey that Yumi was given chlorpromazine, which stopped them for a while, but now they're back, and she needs a surgical consult to rule out esophageal perforation. Yumi is a champion competitive eater who doesn't speak English, as we learn from the man with her. He not only speaks English, but he is also her coach. Her competitive eating coach. I'd love to see his résumé. "Led over twenty competitors to eating titles, with only eighty instances of regurgitation." "Skills include coaching on consumption of bananas, hot dogs, oysters, mayonnaise, pixy sticks, and Krystal burgers." "Seriously, this is a real job." Izzie can't believe eating is a sport, but Alex recognizes her n
ame. "Miyazaki. Yeah, she's like a rock star in Japan." Yumi smiles at him. Alex asks Coach to tell Yumi that he saw her on TV, and he's an athlete, too -- a wrestler. Coach translates, "The young doctor wants you to know that he is a wrestler. I think he's flirting with you." Hee. Yumi responds in Japanese between hiccups, "Tell him I eat little boys like him for breakfast." Coach thinks on this for a second, then tells Alex that Yumi wonders how a wrestler got smart enough to be a doctor, because most wrestlers she knows are dumb. Alex, all cocky, says to tell her she hasn't been hanging out at the right gyms. Bailey stops this little exchange by telling Coach to tell Yumi that her hiccups could be an indicator of something much more serious, and she needs an esophagram. Coach says Yumi is competing that day, so can't they just give her a stronger dose of that drug? Bailey baileys, "Did the hiccups come back?" Coach: "Yes." Bailey: "THEN IT DIDN'T WORK." Awesome. Not so awesome is the fact that Bailey can barely get out of the room before she's nearly doubled over in pain. Contractions? Bailey stands there in agony for a minute, then realizes something is bad wrong. "All right, somebody page Addison Shepherd." Commercials.When we get back, Addison's got Bailey up on the ultrasound table. She says her contractions look like nothing more than Braxton-Hicks. Bailey says that may be, but she recognizes the mild-concern tone in Addie's voice, as she's used it herself on patients. Addison gently tells her that false labor is sometimes the body's way of telling us to slow down. Bailey's all, "I'm a surgeon. There ain't no damn slowing down." Addie tries to get Bailey to understand the realities of her pregnancy, and Bailey says the first thing Addie can do is help her get down off that table. Addison's hair, by the way, is down here, and she looks beautiful, unlike when they pull it back so tightly she's nearly Asian. Pay attention, stylists! Izzie interrupts to tell Bailey there are some questions about Yumi's esophagram. When Bailey's out of the room, Addie asks Izzie to look after Bailey today, and keep an eye out for any painful contractions -- more than five an hour, anything that could indicate pre-term labor. Izzie rolls her eyes, still hating Addison for her mean trick. Addison reminds Izzie that the favor's not for her, and she knows that. Izzie knows, but pretends she doesn't care.
And here's where my sound went out for a few minutes. Here's what's on the screen: Burke greets a patient, who is the woman we'll learn later is unnaturally and incredibly happy. He tells her something with a look of concern, which I'm guessing is about her heart since he's there. The woman doesn't care -- she's all smiles! She holds out her hand to show Burke and Meredith a wedding ring. Burke and Mere watch her babble with mild bemusement. She points to a man who is presumably her new husband. He smiles, and says something to Burke and Mere. Happy Mirthington calls her new husband over, and proceeds to giggle and kiss and love all over him. Mere and Burke say some stuff to the new husband, now looking a little worried. Happy just keeps smiling.
Out in the hall, Mere and Burke confer. Oh, hey, sound! Mere thinks that Happy is high as a kite. Burke is skeptical, but tells Mere to order a tox screen just in case. He really doubts she's on anything, and says you develop a sixth sense about these things. Mere counters, "Everybody's a liar." The dog, inexplicably roaming the hospital halls, barks in their general direction. Burke: "Dr. Grey, is that a dog?" Mere: "No."
Outside Rick's room, McDreamy tells Cristina she was a little harsh in there. Cristina says he was lying, and besides, his harsh is another man's refreshing! McDreamy says they need to be compassionate; the man lost his fingers and his one remaining habit all in one day. Cristina is not understanding this thing he speaks of, this "compassionate." McDreamy: "It's an emotion. Have you ever heard of it?" Cristina suddenly wheels on him. "Have YOU?" Ooh, this should be good. McDreamy stares at her in surprise. Cristina says Mere's barely back on her feet, and he's got her calling him McDreamy again. "You know, I was just telling the patient the truth. You might want to try it sometime." Face hard!
Webber passes by an open utility closet, and finds George in there frantically searching for Sophie's new remote. Webber asks George whatever happened to the "upper hand." George asks Webber if he's ever actually met Sophie. Webber: "Why do you think she's been here this long? In a private room." Oh, Webber, you pushover! George can't believe Sophie handled Webber, too. Webber's all, "Well, she sang for the troops, you know!" George pleads with Webber to let Sophie stay, just until her room at her daughter's house is ready. Webber nixes this idea, then says all wink-winkily, "Not on surgical service, anyway." George gets it, and heads over to Sophie's room.
Sophie tells George she's missing her program, and certainly doesn't see a remote in that hot little hand of his. George tells Sophie he noticed her urine output has increased slightly since yesterday, and he's going to have to take her to gynecology to make sure she doesn't have a prolapsed uterus. George is so cute when he's trying to be sly. Sophie says her uterus hasn't seen any action in years. George says he knows, but it might be an issue now..."you know, one that could keep you here, in the hospital, for tests." Sophie grins and grabs the bar on her bed. "You drive. I'll ride shotgun." Izzie arrives just then and tells George he's not moving out. She helps him wheel Sophie out of the room as George tells her he sure is. "I gave an ultimatum. I threw down the gauntlet. I drew my line in the sand!" Izzie says he'll just have to un-give, un-throw, and un-draw. George reminds her that Meredith had a choice, and she chose the dog. If I recall correctly, she didn't actually choose anything, just sat there with her face screwed up in confusion. Sophie can't believe a girl chose a dog over George. George agrees.
Alex stares at his unopened envelope. In front of him is a tray holding a giant pile of hot dogs. Eating contest! George and Cristina sit down with their similarly loaded trays. Izzie is supposed to be refereeing, but she first wants to know what she's supposed to put on the flyer advertising their bad, bad dog. Cristina suggests, "Destructive, aggressive hell-dog available!" Heh. Mere sits down and tells George hey. George glares at her, then spits, "Don't talk to me! You'll only make me mad." He's afraid she'll mess up his game, and he's in the zone. Izzie gets her stopwatch ready, then yells, "Go!" And it's on. The three competitors down their hot dogs as fast as they can. It is by turns hilarious and disgusting. George takes the "stuff the most food in my mouth possible at one time" approach. Alex takes lots of tiny, rapid bites. Cristina eschews both methods and concentrates on eating the wienies first, sometimes two at a time. In a nod to Takeru Kobayashi, the actual hot-dog eating champion, Cristina wets her buns before eating them. That came out much dirtier than I intended. Fine, it totally didn't. While this is going on, Mere and Izzie discuss the dog and try not to retch. They're arguing about the flyer when Cristina raises her hands in victory. "It's a record!" George, his mouth still full of hot dog, tries to protest, but it's clear: Cristina's the champ. She stands up and starts talking a bunch of trash, then stops suddenly, a look of revulsion on her face. Izzie cries, "Crap, she's gonna blow!" and everyone runs away from the table in terror. Cristina tries to hold it in as we go to commercial. Best. Scene. Ever.
We return to Webber's assistant telling him about an angry l
etter the nurses have written him. Webber asks why she can't do something about it. "You used to be one of them. Don't you speak nurse?" His assistant says that's why he doesn't get any respect from them: surgical arrogance. I'll say. She says he's killing them with their workload, and they need more nurses. Webber scoffs, but takes the letter.Bailey shows Yumi's coach what is causing her hiccups -- a tear in the lining of her esophagus, which they can fix surgically. Coach wants it to be after the competition today. Bailey isn't having any of it. She tells Coach that Yumi can't compete today, and if she enjoys the taste of solid food, she'll give up the sport for something a little less aggressive. "Say, boxing." Hee. Coach says he understands, and asks for some privacy for himself and Yumi. Outside, Bailey tells Alex to get a translator up here, to ensure that Yumi is getting the whole truth. No more watery hot dog buns for Yumi!
Cristina goes to check on Rick, and finds the entire cast of Rock Star in his room, smoking and laughing and -- yes, there's one guy with a guitar strapped to his back. Also, another guy twirling drumsticks. Jesus. Cristina tells them to put out their cigarettes and get out, because she has to prep Rick for surgery. The band and their hairdos leave reluctantly. When Cristina pulls Rick's sheet back, she finds a pack of smokes he's concealed in his gown. Rock stars are stupid. He tries to tell Cris that he totally wasn't going to smoke them, seriously, take them, et cetera. Cristina's like, "Whatever, do what you want." Rick realizes that Cristina doesn't think he's going to be able to quit. No, she doesn't. Who would, Rick?
George hears Sophie belting out another song from her room, and stops, all, "Oh, no." He walks in and she greets him warmly. "Irish! That nice lady doctor in gynecology said that since I had a hysterectomy back in '74, I don't have a uterus to prolapse." Poor George. Foiled again! Sophie says she has been feeling a bit feverish, however, which could be an indication of any number of awful diseases. George says he took her temp an hour ago, and it was normal. He apologizes to Sophie, but says she really has to go. Sophie: "I'm telling you. I'm warm." George sighs and places his hand on Sophie's forehead. Sophie closes her eyes, claps her hand on top of George's, and purrs, "That must be one hell of a dog." George is, of course, totally charmed and possibly in love with ol' Sophie.
Mere finds Burke to tell him that Happy Mirthington's tox screen came back negative, which she doesn't understand, because she was sure she was right. Burke suggests she adjust her worldview, as she now knows there are people out there who don't lie. Mere is still skeptical. Burke says the drug use would have explained the valve failure. He tells Mere to schedule Happy for her surgery. Mere says okay, and starts walking off. Burke blurts after her, "Do you want to come over for dinner?" Mere stops and turns around, all, "Huh? Why?" Burke says she's Cristina's best friend, and he wants her to feel welcome "to have friends at our home." Haaaa! At the word "our," Mere does a funny little hiccup and says, "So, she moved in with you?" Burke's like, "Yes, duh, didn't she tell you?" Mere lies that of course, of course she did, why wouldn't she, and how great is that? Burke agrees, it's pretty great. Aw.
Instead of Meredith, it's Cristina that McDreamy meets in the elevator this time. He says he just came from Rick's room, and he's convinced that he won't be able to quit smoking, with which she agreed. He wants her to go in there and tell him she was wrong. "Say whatever you need to say, but get him to believe that this is about you. Not him." Cristina crosses her arms and says fine, she will. McDreamy reminds Cris that he's her boss, and asks her what her problem is. Cristina tells him to shut up, he's not her boss right now. "We're in an elevator. That's your specialty, right? McDreamy moments in elevators?" Damn. McDreamy calls her "Dr. Yang," trying for the upper hand, but Cristina is on a roll. She tells him that just for a moment, she's not Dr. Yang, and he's not Dr. Shepherd. "You're the guy that screwed up my friend. The guy who drove her to get a dog she can't keep, a dog she only got because her boyfriend? Lied to her about his wife." McDreamy insists he never lied to her. Cristina says she knows a liar when she's sees one, 'cause she's a liar. "You want me to lie to the patient? Fine, I'll lie." She storms off the elevator, leaving McDreamy to stew in his lying liarface juices.
Alex brings the translator to Yumi's room, which is devoid of any competitive eaters or their coaches. He asks a nurse where the patient named Miyazaki is, and the overworked nurse says she left. She assumed someone else had done the paperwork, because they're short-staffed. Damn you, Webber!
Rick is kicking the shit out of a disobedient vending machine when Cristina finds him and demands to know what he's doing out of bed. He says he's got to get a candy bar. Cristina leads him back to his room, saying he's on morphine and about to have surgery. She apologizes for earlier, saying she was out of line. Rick says no, she actually got him to think. "I don't want to be a guy sitting in a bar with a stump for a hand, having a smoke ten years down the line, bragging about how I used to play better than Dave Navarro." Cristina understands that he doesn't want to be creepy, bitter guy. Not unlike Dave Navarro ten years down the line. Rick says the thing is, his last cigarette was this morning, but he didn't know it was going to be his last cigarette, if she gets his drift. Cut to Cristina standing outside with Rick, puffing away on his last cigarette. McDreamy catches them, but Cristina cares not. Commercials.
When we get back, Cristina and Meredith confront each other about their respective lying. They respectively continue to deny that: 1) Cristina is living with Burke, and 2) Mere is still in love with McDreamy. That went well.
George has Sophie out in the hallway, where he's conferring with another doctor. The doctor is incredulous: "West Nile Virus?" George is all, "Well, look at her! She's feverish! She's much weaker than she was this morning, she could be decompensating!" Sophie gives a wan little cough. Heh. The other doctor tells George that Sophie's been in the hospital for over a month, and he sure hasn't seen any mosquitoes lately. Sophie tries her hand: "Such a handsome young man. Those chocolatey eyes." The doctor informs her that to test for the virus, they'll have to do a spinal tap. The mission almost complete, Sophie bats her eyes and asks him, "Will you be doing it?" He folds, and wheels her off. Sophie calls after George, "Nice meeting you, Irish!" George smiles to himself, all atwitter.
Mere is scheduling Happy for surgery. She smiles a lot, again, and tells Mere what a gorgeous young woman she is. "Look at you!" She tells Mere she should smile more. Uh huh. Mere finds Happy's husband, Mr. Kline, outside the room and they make a little small talk. Mr. Kline finally confesses that Happy's, er, happiness really freaks him out. He thought at first it was just falling in love, and the wedding and everything, but he was kind of hoping the honeymoon would be over by now. Mere agrees that it's not normal. Mr. Kline whispers conspiratorially in Mere's ear, "NOBODY'S that HAPPY." Mere walks over and asks a nurse to run another tox screen on Happy. The nurse asks on whose orders. Mere: "Dr. Burke's, of course." Cut to Mere forging the order, and also Burke's signature. Good going, Little Miss "Everybody Lies."
Izzie awakens Bailey, who's napping in the on-call room, to tell her that Yumi is on her way back in: she collapsed at the competition, and is vomiting blood. Bailey sits upright. "Dayum fool. Probably tore her esophagus in two by now." She gets up, but nearly has to sit back down. Izzie asks if she's okay, and Bailey ignores this,
and barks, "Complications of Boerhaave's Syndrome. Go!" Izzie reels off the list as they rush off to meet Yumi. Alex is already there, and tells them she's cyanotic and tachycardic, and he's given her saline. Bailey says they need to get her to the OR, and as they start wheeling her, Yumi grabs Alex's hand. Alex glares at Coach through the window, and says he should be the one on this freaking gurney. Bailey tells him to keep his eyes on the prize, which is saving Yumi's life. Alex and Izzie hang back, because Alex would like to kick a little Coach-y ass. Izzie tells him he's an idiot if he's going to get in a fight and get himself kicked out of the program before he's even opened his board scores. Well, there is a 50% chance it won't matter anyway.In surgery, Bailey quizzes Alex on what she's doing, and has to stop and take a deep breath. She throws her head back in anguish, and Izzie tells her that those are not Braxton-Hicks contractions. "I believe you're in pre-term labor." Bailey gives Izzie a look that says she might, kind of, maybe agree this time, and Izzie pages Webber.
Webber bursts into the OR all, "Why didn't you call me sooner?" He gets ready to take over. Bailey tells him she was going to fashion a gastric patch, and Webber reminds her that he taught her the procedure. Aw. He tells her to leave, now. She does, but she haaaaates it.
Burke calls Meredith over to the reception desk, mad as hell. "I got paged, Dr. Grey...for the results of the extensive bloodwork that I ordered. You forged my signature?" Mere looks sheepish. "That's really bad, right?" Heh. Burke says yes, that's really bad, and also, Happy's screen came back negative, again. Mere can't believe it. Burke asks her to please let him know time she's going to forge his signature. Mere: "That's it? You're not going to yell and say 'Damn it, Grey!' and storm out?" Burke says (sexily, lest you've forgotten) that he will if she wants him to. Mere declines. The tox screen nurse hands Burke another report: Happy's serotonin level is through the roof. A light bulb goes off in Burke's head, and he asks Mere when Happy developed asthma. Mere says after her first surgery, why? Cut to Burke telling Happy and her husband that they found a very rare carcinoid tumor in her lung. It's very hard to diagnose, and masks itself as a mass of seemingly unrelated symptoms, like valve failure, asthma, and -- ding ding ding! -- an increased level of serotonin in the blood, which is what's giving Happy a false sense of euphoria. Happy giggles. It's funny. Mr. Kline is relieved as hell that his wife has a tumor, and isn't actually this happy. "Thank God." Happy giggles some more, and brushes off all these people with their talks of tumors. She claims to be infected with love. Mere says she's sorry, but her body is lying to her mind. Happy crows, "Let the lie continue!" Mr Kline: "How soon can you cure her?" Burke says they'll operate tomorrow, and Happy will be back to normal.
Out in the hall, Mere thanks Burke for not chewing her out for forging his signature. Burke responds with some thanks of his own. "It was probably you who convinced Cristina. She's very strong, but she listens to you. If you told her to move in...anyway. Thank you." Sniff. Mere watches him walk off all, "No problem."
McDreamy has Rick in surgery. As he prepares to reattach the fingers, he asks Rick if he's got any sensation in his left arm at all. Rick says no, and a nurse goes to put a sheet up. Rick asks if he could watch, because he wants to see every nerve and blood vessel he's going to screw up if he ever smokes again. "Not that I'm gonna. Ever again. I smoked my last cigarette." Cristina gives him a supportive look, and McDreamy nods back at her as well. "Okay," he says. "Let's get started."
Sophie's daughter has arrived, and she's not happy. She asks a nurse how hard it could be to remove her old and infirm mother from the hospital. The nurse is like, "Have you actually met your mother?" Daughter says fine, and asks where she is now. George is passing by and overhears. He introduces himself, and says Sophie is in the infectious disease wing now. Daughter understands, and says her mother is unbelievable. George gushes, "Yeah, she is! So, is her room ready? Because I can go and get her right now." Daughter, of course, has no room ready for Sophie. Poor George is like, "But…the pink room? No?" Daughter gives George a bitchy look. Shut up, Daughter.
Cut to Sophie in her room, watching her program. George walks in and says hi. Sophie: "Irish! What a wonderful surprise! You won't catch my 'disease,' will you?" Aw. George says he thinks he'll be okay, then has to break the news that her daughter was just there. Sophie's face falls, and she tells George that nursing homes are for old people. "I know I'm elderly. I do know that. But if I have to go to that place...I'm afraid I'll become old." George takes her hand, and says he doesn't think that's possible. Strummy la-la music plays and the tears start to fall as George tells Sophie he would keep her here if he could. Sophie says oh, no, darling, he can't waste any more time with her. "You have to go balls out with the dog." George is like, "Excuse me?" Sophie says so what if she chose an animal over him? Women are fools; that's old news. "But life's too short for you to give in, Irish. So fight. You fight for what's yours." George looks at Sophie with wonder, and brings up her hand to kiss it. He walks out, and she calls after him, "Now that, my friend...is a swagger." George slides her door shut and places his hand on the glass. Sophie holds her hand up in return, and OH MY GOD, the tears. I should also tell you that I saw Brokeback Mountain just before I started this recap, which might possibly have something to do with my uncontrollable crying. Or, you know, that's just how I roll.
Webber is just finishing up Yumi's surgery when Grouchy Nurse knocks on the window and holds up a sheet of paper. Webber ignores her, so she walks in with a mask over her face and informs him that the second shift nurses aren't coming in, because they're going on strike. She says she's put in a call for temps, but this is his official notification that they officially go on strike in ten official days. Webber is speechless, which is a good time for commercials.
When we come back, Yumi is out of surgery and whispering frantically to Alex and Izzie. They go get the translator so she'll understand what's going on, and run into Coach in the hall. Alex wants to know what the hell he's doing here. Coach says he thought she would be fine, and he's sorry. Alex doesn't want to hear it. "Tell her. Tell her how her career is over because of you." Coach looks in at Yumi, and walks in sadly. He goes to her bedside, and bows as low as he can. Aw. Even Alex looks affected. He pulls out his mystery envelope, and asks Izzie to open it, saying he can't. Izzie wastes no time ripping it open. She looks at it, and says, "Congratulations. You are not an idiot. Except when you're being an idiot." Yay! That's Doctor Idiot to you.
Cristina checks on Rick, and reports to McDreamy that he's doing fine, except for the cigarette cravings. McDreamy says good, then adds, "I was being nice to her. I can be nice without being..." "McDreamy," Cristina finishes. "I know." McDreamy says he really can. Cristina says okay. McDreamy: "Okay then." Heh.
Bed Rest Bailey is being wheeled out of the hospital in her regular-people clothes. Izzie hands her a gift from all of them, at which she rolls her eyes. Addie, hair still down, smiles as Bailey is wheeled into the elevator. Bailey stops the door with her foot and faces down her interns. "I may be forty-seven months pregnant, I may be on bed rest, I may not be able to see my own feet. But I am Dr. Bailey. I hear everything. I know everything. I'm watching each and every one of you, and I WILL RETURN." The door c
loses, and all the interns look kind of scared. AS THEY SHOULD.The hospital is abuzz with news about the nurses' strike. Webber turns to Burke and McDreamy at the board and tells them, "You are all a bunch of arrogant surgeons." McDreamy and Burke just look at each other and laugh, arrogantly.
Cristina finds Mere, once again, in the observation deck. Mere says Izzie refuses to take the dog home. Cristina sits down heavily. "Fine. If you want me to tell Burke I didn't move in, I'll tell him." Mere says no, don't tell him -- at least not right now, or tonight. "It can wait. I lied about Derek. We're not just friends. I mean, I'm not. He's still McDreamy." Cristina says she knows, and pats her arm. Best friends!
The poor dog is resting on the floor of the locker room. George sits down on a bench to Meredith and launches right into his Sophie-inspired speech. He says he knows she's going through a bad time, and she gets to be a little selfish, but she doesn't get to choose a dog over him. "I'm George. I sleep down the hall from you. I buy your tampons. I have held your hand every time you've asked. I've earned the right to be seen...to not have you think of me as less than a dog you got at the pound." Aw, Georgie. He tells Mere that he's not moving out; whether she likes it or not, he's staying. Mere has little to no reaction here, but I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and say she's just stunned speechless at George's very awesomeness right there in front of her. Anyway, she starts a voice-over: "No matter how hard we try to ignore it or deny it, eventually the lies fall away."
Cut to Cristina and Burke in bed, at "their" house. Burke puts his arm around her and says he's glad she moved in. Cristina, only having to think about it for a second, says she is too. MereVO: "Whether we like it or not."
Mere, Izzie, and George pull up to McDreamy's trailer and get out with the dog and all his paraphernalia. McDreamy and Addie run out of the trailer and greet their new pet. McDreamy is very cute with the dog, all, "Hey Doc! Welcome home, buddy!" But Addison is even cuter, gushing about how beautiful he is and bending down to pet him. Mere thanks them for doing this, since it's a lot to ask. Addie says it's all right, and takes the leash from Mere. She leads Doc inside, leaving the rest of them to have an awkward moment. Izzie says she and George will just wait in the car. Mere stands a little closer to McDreamy and says the dog chews everything, doesn't like cats or small yappy dogs, and also...not housebroken. McDreamy gives her the Sex Eyes and grins, "Oh." He says it will be fine, and besides, he's got all this land going to waste. Mere doesn't really believe him, but McDreamy lies that it's just a dog, it doesn't mean anything, and the dog will be okay. They exchange another little moment of longing, and Mere tells him good night. As she walks back to her car, he watches her walk away. Mere voice-overs that the truth about the truth is that it hurts like a bitch, and we fade out.