By Lauren S
Yes, I totally stole the homepage title from one of Cristina's rantings at the universe at how insane it is that her life has been in danger so many times, and I will forever be upset that I didn't think of it first.
We pick up exactly where last week left off, all fire and wreckage and blood and people strewn about the forest. The plane broke into pieces as it crashed so when Mere comes to, the only people she knows have made it are Cristina, Mark, the plane's pilot Jerry, and Arizona, who is in some massive shock and realizes that her bone is sticking out through her leg. Jerry is pinned to his seat and can't feel his legs, so the two become disaster buddies in a sense since they aren't going anywhere while the others go off to search for Derek and Lexie. After hearing he was sucked out of the plane as they hit the trees, Mere goes to look for Derek while Cristina and Mark follow a rhythmic clanging sound to find Lexie trapped under the back section of the plane in seriously, utterly horrible shape. Cristina's shoulder is dislocated so she has Mark pop it back into place and then they try to move the wreckage to free Lexie, but they can't budge it. She has Lexie give the rundown of her symptoms which are bad, worse, and devastating, and both women seem to know that this likely isn't going to end well. But Cristina goes to get supplies, and while she's gone Mark and Lexie have a tragically sad scene together where she tells him to tell Meredith how much she loved her, and he tells Lexie that he truly loves her and always has. He tells her that she can't die because they are going to have an amazing life and family together, and she smiles at the thought, and then... she dies. And guys, I am so cynical about this overblown ridiculous storyline and yet I totally shed some tears.
Derek did survive the crash but he somehow got his hand stuck in a piece of plane and to get himself out, has to use a rock to literally smash his hand back through the hole in which it was stuck. Meredith can't find him so she goes back to Mark and Cristina, and completely breaks down when she learns her sister just died. Eventually, Derek shows up and faints upon seeing the girls. When he comes to, they have to create a tourniquet and safety pin his skin back together which is completely gross, but eventually he seems stable enough. Cristina gets mad about Mark just sitting in misery, holding Lexie's hand, but when she goes to yell at him to pull himself together he passes out and she realizes he has a massive chest injury and there is likely blood pooling in his heart. They have to figure out how to use the tube from a bottle of hairspray to get the blood out of his chest before it kills him; they do, but he's still doing fairly awful. By the time everyone gathers at the plane to wait for help he almost gives up but Arizona pleads with him to hold on and come home to Callie and Sofia. But when will they get home? We don't know, and won't know until September because the flare gun was broken in the crash, so when a helicopter flies overhead they are unable to signal where they are and it flies away when it doesn't see anything through the trees.
Somehow, the docs back at the hospital never realize that they are missing because Owen is busy with some big trauma coming in and he tells someone to send all of his calls straight to voicemail. And lord knows there is no other phone line or way of possibly communicating with anyone else at the hospital when a planeful of surgeons fails to show up at its destination. He and Teddy work together all day and he finds out by accident that she's been offered an amazing job basically running all of the Army's surgical operations in the US and Europe. He's pissed that she didn't tell him, and pissed at the idea that he's losing another surgeon, and then even more pissed when she tells him that she isn't going to take it. She explains that while she'd love to leave Seattle and Henry's ghost, Owen was an amazing friend and took all of her shit for months, and now that he's losing the love of his life and things are falling apart she won't leave him there. So later, Owen calls her into his not-office and fires her to force her to take it. She thinks he's kidding but he's totally not, and reads her the riot act for how disruptive and shitty she's been for months. She storms out, but then comes back and the two hug and cry and she orders him to fight for Cristina with everything he's got.
Bailey is still pissed about Ben's shocking job offer, and she sulks and glares like a pro during the few moments we see of them while he tries to convince her that they can make a long-distance marriage work. Somehow, she reaches the same conclusion and tells him that he's no longer to make any decisions like this on his own since he'll be part of a team because yes, she is going to marry him.
Richard has planned a dinner that he does yearly for all of the nearly-former residents and he's excited to take them all out to a fancy restaurant to celebrate. Alex, April and Jackson -- the three lucky enough not to have gone to Boise -- are not in the mood at all and gripe and try to figure out how to get out of it. Callie is in an incredibly great mood because she loves her wife and is surprising her with new lingerie when she gets home, etc. etc. and when she realizes what pills they are being, gives them a big lecture about how this moment of their lives will shape them, and even if things look bad life will work itself out. She's so happy and certain that her life has reached a wonderful place that I fear for Arizona's chances between now and September. Avery finally decides that he's going to go to Tulane though it's kind of killing him to leave April when she's such a mess. She admits she's going to miss him and loved having sex with him but now she's having a total crisis about who she even is anymore. They decide to call a truce for the evening and just enjoy the dinner and hanging out with each other. And here's where it's just stupid. Did no one in Seattle check in with Boise and see how the surgery was going? Or, if they weren't worried about the surgery itself, did no one think to call just to see if it was on schedule before going to the restaurant and being seated? Richard, Alex, April and Jackson wind up sitting at the table with two empty seats and champagne poured, but THEN Richard waits to make a speech until Cristina and Meredith arrive.
And back at the hospital, Owen finally decides to check his voicemails which are all just a series of calls from Boise -- the first message is someone just wondering when the Seattle surgeons will arrive, but the messages get increasingly worried as they report that nobody showed up and no one has any idea what happened. I have no idea why at this point no one from Boise tried calling the general number and asking for someone other than Owen, but I have months to ponder because that is where we wrap up season eight.