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Hunt has decided that in order to make Seattle Grace a better place to work, he's going to take all of the most valuable surgeons in the city out of the OR and put them on a baseball field so they can risk being injured in a battle with a rival hospital instead of working on the ground-breaking surgeries and trials that will actual assist the hospital's ranking. He's so desperate to beat the other team that he even hires ringer Henry as his administrative assistant for a day in order to win. Meredith and Cristina take the opportunity to get drunk in the outfield, which is genius, but not so genius is the way Mere decides to attack Bailey for not letting her on her trial. The two fight on the outfield, even though Meredith totally found the problem with the trial. Chief (Richard, not Hunt) sets them straight. Chief (Hunt, not Richard) gives everyone a pep talk when he realizes that the game is a hopeless case but they are actually good at their jobs. And then Lexie gets so jealous of the sexy ophthalmologist from the opposing team who is making out with Mark that she beams her in the boob with a fastball.
At the actual hospital, Shepherd wants to do a risky surgery and makes a mother feel guilty for not wanting to put her child at risk just so he doesn't have to be bored and think about his daughter. To prove that he can do it (after Hunt yells at him for turning away patients who came all the way to Seattle to be treated by the great and powerful Derek), he plays a computerized version of Operation… and he's terrible at it. But after getting batting advice from Lexie, he realizes what he's doing wrong (yes, it was a very softball-heavy episode).
Alex doesn't want to sign off on a hospital transfer for Zola and gets all uppity about that. So much so that he goes down to family services to get some answers. He even tracks the judge down to a hospital where he's getting a chemo treatment. You'd think this would screw everything up, but it doesn't. He gets Mere and Der a hearing with the judge, and doesn't even take credit for it.
Cristina is stuck doing an angioplasty on an extremely overweight fast food manager who doesn't seem at all bothered by the fact that he's enormously overweight. And while Cristina grumbles, and Meredith sticks her nose in where it doesn't belong, Teddy insists that Cristina go back to basics. April needs OR time so she begs to help a guy with a hand injury, the same patient who freaks Callie out with his etching tools. His surgery goes awry with a cardio complication and Cristina acts like a human being with feelings for a change and allows April do a lot of the work. Teddy plays genie in the bottle and grants Cristina her dream surgeries as a reward. Callie manages to save the hand of the garbage man/artist. Everyone wins… well, except the ophthalmologist who got nailed in the boob. -- Angel Cohn
Want more? The full recap starts right below!It's a relief to know that Mere thinks that surgeons can't be lazy. Of course, as she VOs this, she and Cristina are lying in the grass, looking at clouds like little girls. She continues that when surgeons stop pushing themselves, something terrible happens. Cristina gripes that Teddy has sucked out all of her imagination, but Meredith tells her that the new gameplan she is implementing is to just keep the faith and believe everything is going to be okay. Cristina tries it out by pointing out that Teddy told her she has something great for her today. She's disgusted to hear that Mere is working in OB again but Meredith likes it because she has a lot of downtime to secretly work on Bailey's trial; even though Bailey told to stay away, she feels like she's really close to figuring it out. A ball then flies at them and it turns out that they are lying in the outfield during a softball practice since Owen has put together a hospital softball team. Alex runs after the ball and mocks them for not playing but when he hears Cristina mention Zola (specifically, how she thinks Meredith is focusing on the trial to keep from thinking about Zola) he stops to ask if there's been any news and neglects to actually throw the ball back to the infield. Mere tells him that now they are just waiting for a court date, and so Alex throws the ball back to the catcher, Arizona, who happens to actually be afraid of the ball.
Basically, they are the Bad News Bears. Mark is busy making out with an ophthalmologist from Seattle Presbyterian who has shown up at the field before her own practice, and it turns out that he's been seeing her for a week. Lexie tries to kill her with a glare, proving that Mama Avery's warnings to Jackson were wise. Richard is reading on the bench and insists to Callie that he's just saving his energy for the game. Teddy keeps begging Owen to pitch but he wants to leave Derek on the mound. Lexie gets a hit and the doctors all go after the ball as if they are toddlers who haven't properly mastered the art of walking yet, because apparently when they set food on the field they all forgot their basic motor skills. Seriously, we've seen most of them run down the halls of the hospital and they look much more adept than we're seeing now. The rest of the Seattle Presbyterian team then arrives for practice, led by their Chief, McDougall. He mocks Owen for even managing to form a team with all of the embarrassing goings-on at Seattle Grace and Owen tries to stay calm and just promises to kick their butts the day. McDougall is understandably doubtful as he watches the sorry display on the diamond in front of him. Derek then gets a page and grabs Lexie to go and do a consult, so all of the other doctors take this as a dismissal and leave, ignoring Owen's protests. McDougall then blows a whistle and his team all run out to the field; you know they are good because they have on matching team shirts. You know they are at least better than the Seattle Grace team because they can actually jog like humans.
At the hospital, Cristina is asking Teddy what this promised good case might be and throws out all sorts of complicated-sounding surgeries. Teddy shoots down all her guesses but tells her that it will probably take all morning; she then opens the door and introduces Cristina to her very large patient, Mr. Felker, who is there for an angioplasty. Cristina turns the other way and at least lowers her voice to complain to Teddy that she thought she would be doing a heart surgery. Teddy points out that she is working to prevent Mr. F from having a heart attack. Mr. F is incredibly jolly and calls out to them, asking if they are going to get on with roto-rootering his veins. Cristina must be learning something from Teddy because when she turns around she at least tries to look happy about the job in front of her, rather than showing Mr. Felker that she probably wishes he'd just have a heart attack so she'd have something more interesting to fix.
April trots after Owen as he marches down the hall and proudly tells him she typed up his team roster. Owen compliments her on her administrative assistant skills but then has to clarify that as she is a surgeon, this isn't a compliment. He tells her that he thinks being Chief Resident has set her back and that she needs to start doing surgeries again. Please let this be the start of a new storyline for April, she is fast becoming the most boring doctor ever to work here. They head into a trauma room where they meet Carl, a trash man who fell off of the back of his truck and then was hit by a car. His hand looks like ground beef and he starts to panic when he hears Callie mention that he's probably going to lose part of it. Owen takes over and yells instructions at everyone, and is much more worried about the possibility of internal injuries than for Carl's pulverized hand. He shoos Callie away and finally she snaps off her gloves and testily tells him to just go ahead and page her when he needs her. Come on, Callie, it's only a hand. What does he need that for?
Arizona trots up to Alex and asks him to sign papers that would release Zola's records so that she can be transferred to Seattle Presbyterian. While she was obviously hoping he'd just accept this with no fuss he instead has a fit, despite her protests that this is a pretty big conflict of interest to have her at the hospital where Meredith and Derek work. Hey, it only took social services weeks to figure that out, too! No wonder Mere and Derek are still waiting endlessly. He grabs the paperwork away and yells about how they shouldn't be taking her from her doctors, then walks away and tells a doubtful Arizona that he'll take care of it.
Derek and Lexie's patient is a teenage girl who came from San Francisco to see the great McDreamy and his magic hair and hands herself. She has a somethingbadsoundingtoma which Lexie explains is a non-cancerous tumor sitting on the girl's hypothalamus. I don't ever want an anythingtoma sitting on any part of my brain with that many syllables, cancerous or no. They go inside and see that the patient is having a seizure but her mom is calmly holding her, clearly used to this. She's having more and more seizures each day and her mom, only known on IMDB as Mrs. Baer, has done her research on Derek. She knows he has an amazing success rate with surgery and wants him to do this one. Derek tells her that with the current accepted procedure he can only get part of the tumor, but Mrs. B just wants any measure of relief that they can get. Derek, however, wants to try a different procedure he thinks can get the entire tumor. She points out that none of the eight other neurosurgeons they saw suggested this procedure and he admits it's never been done before. She asks about the risks and Lexie takes her through the awful list of thing like memory loss, stroke, or, oh, death. But then again, isn't that a possibility with most brain surgeries or even really, any surgery, period? Mrs. B is absolutely against it, and so Derek asks to see the list of surgeons that she has seen and then politely recommends one of them to do the surgery before wishing her luck and leaving.
Owen finds Derek to ask him, rather reasonably, why he just heard from a mother that Derek is refusing to treat her daughter. Derek has his prissy pants hitched up high and mightily and tells Owen he thinks he's amazing enough to try out a brand new surgery on the girl and everything else is wasting his time. I'm not paraphrasing as much as you would think. Owen is not pleased since these people got on a plane specifically to be treated by the Great Derek Shepherd but Derek staunchly refuses, saying the tumor will eventually grow back if he does the old-fashioned surgery. His reasoning is that his daughter was taken away and now all he can do is sit back and hope for the best, so he refuses to do that in other areas of his life too. Owen is still not impressed, and tells Derek that this isn't a hospital that sends patients home. Derek thinks a moment and agrees... that he's going to prove to the mom that his brand-new brain surgery technique will work.
Bailey is having a very difficult conversation with Teddy and Henry since she has to admit that there are problems with the device they implanted. Teddy kind of flips and upon hearing that Henry has to start testing his blood sugar again, snipes at Bailey about how this device that was supposed to help is now a failure. It was at this point that I yelled at the TV, "HelLO, this was a TRIAL," and then I'm echoed by a very easygoing Henry reminding Teddy of that fact. Bailey assures them that they did find out what is wrong and are now searching for a solution, and Henry reminds Teddy that he knew all of these things might happen when they gave it to him in the first place. Henry reassures Teddy that everything will be okay and that Bailey will figure it out, and they leave. Fortunately that leaves Bailey alone with her, "Shit, I'm not sure that's really true," look on her face.
Cristina gets started on her angioplasty and isn't really into the idea of having a conversation with the guy about his career in fast food while she does it, especially when he asks her if this is all she does every day. He doesn't notice her silence and just explains how he is the manager of his restaurant which means he has to pitch in and do a little bit of everything, including cleaning the restrooms. If only Teddy were there she'd kiss the guy on the lips for trying to teach Cristina the lesson she's been trying to drill into her all season. Cristina, on the other hand, has them sedate him a little bit further to stop his chuckling about how this is obviously the surgical equivalent of cleaning toilets.
Henry and Teddy see Owen shaking his head and he laments that he seems to have lost his starting pitcher to brain surgery. Dude, you can't complain after you were just insisting that your starting pitcher take the surgery in the first place. But this conveniently allows Teddy to beg to be the new pitcher, which conveniently also allows her to remind Henry that he was pro ball player once who can vouch for her. Actually, their short courtship never featured baseball but Owen perks up to hear the "former pro" part and wants Henry on the team as a ringer. He tells Henry that he'll hire him as an administrative assistant and fire him after the game. As Henry suggests he could have a cooler job title, the boys both ignore Teddy's continued pleas to be allowed to pitch.
Arizona seeks out Mere with the excuse that she has a new mom patient who is having chest pain, but Mere already called for the consult. That's fine, because Arizona obviously just wants to try and find out if Alex gave her any more secret news about Zola. Mere doesn't seem to have any idea about them wanting to move her to a new hospital, and Arizona mentions that the court asked for her records but insists it's probably nothing. She then notices that Mere has a bunch of islet cell info on her computer screen, but Meredith smoothly tells her that she's now working on the trial with Bailey. Arizona points out that Bailey seems to actually kind of hate Mere right now, but Mere insists they are good. She's not entirely convincing, and Arizona seems to not entirely believe her.
Speaking of Alex, he's in a suit standing in line at some depressing, cookie-cutter government building, trying to get information on Zola's case. He's unceremoniously shut down by the woman there who just repeats over and over that he needs to send any request in writing and it will take weeks to process the request. Alex finally asks for the address and she mentions the fifth floor, so he runs up there.
April brings Carl's chart to Callie and tells her that he's not bleeding internally, so he is now Callie's. Callie is still put out about having been treated like a second-class citizen, but April's head is so far in the clouds that she has to actually ask if Callie's sarcastic reply was sarcastic. She apologizes for being denser than a fruitcake and then asks if she can assist in order to get more hours in the OR. Callie tells her that's fine, and then goes to tell Carl about the state of his hand.
It's really not good. She tries to tell him that given everything that happened, he's kind of lucky, but the bottom line is that he might lose two of his fingers. And now we have the Great Promo Fakeout of the Week. We saw a guy waving a scalpel around at Callie but it turns out that he pulls the instrument out of his backpack as he is looking for his phone. Callie is freaked out since he's super upset and just grabbed something sharp but he very immediately drops it and assures her that it's not any kind of weapon; it's a tool he uses for woodcarving, which he does in his spare time. He calms Callie down and she takes some deep breaths as he pulls out one really ornate carving, and then a notebook of complex illustrations clearly for more carvings. She compliments him on the work and finds out that he doesn't sell anything, but just does it because he loves it. He then goes to call his wife and warns Callie that she's going to be upset, but Callie seems to have a new idea and tells him that she is something of an artist herself.
Derek is trying out his newfangled brain surgery on a fake brain but unfortunately he keeps fake-paralyzing his fake patient. Lexie is there watching his progress on a monitor and tells him each time he kills some important motor function. Owen comes in to see how it is going and Lexie shuts off the monitor, probably so he won't see just how badly things are proceeding. Derek supposes it's time to suck it up and do the original surgery but Owen tells him to try his procedure again, and then insists that he's practicing his coaching skills. After much convincing, Lexie turns the monitor back on but Derek keeps ruining important parts of the fake brain.
Cristina appears to be doing her angioplasty in a room that has its windows open right out on one of the hallways. I mean, really? No curtain, even? It might be just roto-rootering someone's arteries but it is still a surgical procedure and I don't know that a patient needs an audience of, like, someone else's mom. Meredith runs in to let Cristina know about Zola's medical records being subpoenaed, which they think could possibly be a good sign that they might be doing it in preparation for Mere and Derek to finally get a court date. She emails Janet, despite having just told Cristina that they have been bugging her to much, and Cristina reminds her to keep the faith. Meredith complains that she can't figure out a problem in the diabetes trial, and Cristina just laments back that she used to be a real surgeon doing real surgeries. Mere gets an email back from Janet that turns out to be an out-of-office response, and that kills any possible faith-keeping she had left in her since she assumes Janet is on vacation and doesn't really care. She walks out complaining that Zola has probably forgotten her by now.
Alex heads up to the office where he hopes someone can help him out with Zola's case but he's fully ignored by almost everyone there and the one woman who will at least speak to him says she hears sob stories all the time but yet still won't release info on pending cases. Conveniently, however, she has a giant mole (Have you seen Austin Powers in Goldmember? "MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY!" Dude, I can't help myself.) and Alex is able to sweet-talk her by pointing out that it could turn into cancer and he'd be happy to check it for free since her government insurance is probably crap. She (MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY) finally takes the files and tells Alex who the judge is, but that he's currently being treated for prostate cancer. (MOLEY) (Lest I have offended anyone with my mole-insensitive outbursts: I am covered in moles. I sing this to myself every time I go to my dermatology appointments. Y'all should definitely get your moles checked as skin cancer is not a laughing matter.) (MOLEY MOLEEEEEEEEY)
The consult of convenience that Arizona asked Mere about is also a convenient way for Mere to talk to Teddy about Cristina. Not one to keep her nose in her own business, she asks Teddy why Cristina is doing an angioplasty and explains that both girls are wondering if this is going somewhere. Teddy isn't thrilled and reiterates that this is in fact none of Mere's business, but she also seems to know that letting Mere in on her thoughts might be an additional help to get through to her mentee. Teddy explains that when a first year does the procedure it's to learn the skill but when a fifth year does it, it's to learn respect for heart disease that will be seen throughout one's career. Mere listens seriously as Teddy tells her that you have to go to the beginning in order to see the end. And while this was just a conversation about Cristina, something about that saying triggers another idea for Mere.
Henry and Owen are hard at work on the team lineup, again in a conference room. Owen, dude. You need an office. You don't have to be in it all the time, I promise. They decide to put Bailey in center field and then when Henry sees Mere walk by he thinks she should go in left field because she is tall. Henry realizes they don't know if she can catch the ball so Owen makes a super safe sudden throw to her, yelling heads up. Richard is right behind her and makes the perfect catch after the ball almost takes out Mere's head, and yells at Owen for being an idiot. Meredith then turns to Richard and asks to see her mom's journals again so that she can look up the original hypothesis she had for the trial. He can't help but laugh that he knew she'd get invested but she warns him not to gloat and they leave to get them.
Lexie goes up to the roof where she finds Owen and Derek doing batting practice. Thank goodness they have a bit more sense with this than they do with their golfing and they are using a net so as not to bean some unsuspecting passerby down below with a softball. Though I suppose that would give Derek another awesome brain surgery. Lexie is annoyed because their patient's mom wants to know if her daughter is having surgery and she obviously considers softball kind of a waste of time. Owen, though, insists that he's just giving his brain a break to see if somehow he gets inspired once he loosens up. He gets a call so he has Lexie take over tossing balls for Derek; she gives him a bunch of tips and finally admits to a surprised Derek that she used to be a pitcher. She then brings up Mark's newest love, who has clearly set up camp right under Lexie's skin. At Owen's cheerleading she goes back to just giving Derek pointers and tells him that he needs to adjust his head since it's not connecting right with his body. This does suddenly give him an idea -- he declares that the head is at the wrong angle, and the two run off to go think about actual surgery again.
They then go to talk to Mrs. B, and Derek is confident that he can get the entire tumor, but does admit that there are bigger risks to this surgery than the other. Mrs. B is mainly worried about her daughter dying on the table though she talks as if this other brain surgery is totally risk-free. I mean, it's still brain surgery. Regardless, she's against having her daughter be the first test patient. Derek has thought out his approach this time, though, and he asks her if in all of her research she found any case that involved the child actually fully recovering? He knows full well what the answer is and reminds her that this way her daughter could actually have a life, and that this is the best shot she has. Her mom turns to look at her daughter in bed -- the future of America, texting furiously away.
Bailey walks in to the conference room where Henry and Owen are handing out jerseys and admits that she might not make it to the game since she has 49 more patients to call to tell them that their devices might wind up failing. Mark is there and tells them that Derek's going to miss the game too because of surgery -- I guess this means Mama B said yes. Teddy starts wriggling and shoots her hand in the air, begging again to be pitcher, and finally Owen agrees. Callie then comes in and smoothly asks him to sign off on something, but Owen doesn't miss that she's asking for approval for lots of expensive titanium hardware and whatnot for a hand she said wasn't going to make it. Callie just tells him she's trying to rebuild the hand and arranges to meet April in the OR. April then has a small meltdown when it turns out that they are out of small shirts, which shouldn't have happened with her order, so we know she hasn't yet kicked her admin assistant attitude. Mark and Jackson share a manly high-five over how awesome they are going to be, which just makes Lexie cranky. Jackson tells her that Mark is in a good mood which is actually making life great for Jackson since he's handling a ton of procedures, and seems to still be oblivious about the fact that Lexie is completely and totally jealous of Mark's new girl and associated sexed-up good mood. Everyone except the managers head out and Owen and Henry just keep trying to convince themselves that they are winners already because of their winning attitude.
I really do think that, when building this guy a mangled hand for the show, the guys deployed generous amounts of ground beef. It's disgusting. As Callie works, April complains about how Owen doesn't understand that all this administrative work she does makes everyone else's surgeries possible, blah blah blah underachievingcakes. Callie asks her if she wants to be an assistant and when the answer is no, tells her to get a grip and just get into the OR. She then hands over the very large drill with a very long, very fine bit on it and offers April the chance to use it, if it will make her heart sing. April happily takes it, though she's not very careful when wielding this giant needle-like thing. We're saved from watching her by alarms that start to blare because something is going wrong with his heart.
Meredith is reading while she walks, which I know my mom repeatedly warned me not to do because of exactly what happens: Mere smacks right into Bailey. When Bailey sees what she's reading she gets instantly suspicious but Meredith won't admit to anything and they glare at each other and walk away.
Cristina goes in to check out Carl since Teddy is in surgery and declares that it's something or other that requires him to open his chest up right away. Cristina tells April to get started on a thoracotomy while they page Teddy. April's freaked out about starting the procedure herself but she manages to pull herself together and do it.
As the alarms merrily ring accompanied by the dulcet tones of drilling, Cristina and April work on the tear in Carl's (heart/artery/something crucial like that). Cristina teaches April who is still so nervous that she doesn't realize she's really already done the procedure. Teddy comes in and asks what's up; she's incredibly confused to hear that April did most of the work. She goes to scrub in and asks Callie to leave until they are done, but Callie insists she's also saving his life too and so Teddy, unlike Owen, lets her stay and work. Teddy is still baffled and goes back to ask Cristina again why she didn't start the graft herself, but Cristina insists that April already had it.
Derek's got a probe deep in his patient's brain and has Lexie hold it and keep it really steady as he moves the girl's head into position. Lexie's really unsure about this idea but he insists that it's more dangerous to take the probe out while they move her. Unfortunately alarms start to blare and so he has to wind up taking it out; there's still tumor left, and he tells Lexie they'll just go back in and try again. As he does, there are some really delicious squelching noises accompanying his work and I might have just thrown up a teeny, tiny bit.
Heart surgery over, Cristina is stapling up Carl's chest (that's also a sound I almost have to mute when they pull it out on this show) and Teddy is still confused, and asks Cristina yet again why she didn't start the procedure herself. Cristina is pretty fed up to think she's now in trouble for waiting when before she was in trouble for just doing. Teddy points out that she doesn't understand why she'd let April do something she'd love to do herself, especially since she doesn't even like her. April pipes up to heartily agree. How did April get through med school with zero self-confidence? I would have figured they would have weeded people like that out somehow. Cristina just announces that she could have done it herself but April had it. Seemingly satisfied, Teddy finally answers, "Exactly." Cristina finishes up and Callie shoos them both out so that she and April can continue fashioning Carl a hand out of hamburger.
Once they are in the scrub room, Cristina throws up her hands in frustration and cries that she is officially giving up since she has no idea what Teddy is trying to teach her. Teddy tells her to make a list, but that strange request does nothing to ease Cristina's confusion and frustration. She starts to rant but Teddy cuts her off and tells her to make a list of every amazing surgery she has ever dreamed of doing and that she'll then try to make those things happen. Cristina seems to think this is about the least funny joke she's ever heard but Teddy is serious and tells her that she finally graduated from the school of unselfish surgeoning, and this is her present. Because Teddy saw that Cristina is finally willing to work on a team and put the patient first, Cristina now gets to make a bucket list of sorts and Teddy will try to be her fairy godsurgeon and make it all come true. She leaves, and Cristina finally allows herself to smile.
Kicky music accompanies us into the mouse lab, where Bailey catches Mere looking at something under a microscope and begins to lose her shit. Mere yells back at her to hang on a second just while she looks at something, and then exclaims joyously that the cell she's looking at survived. Bailey is confused enough that she asks what Mere is talking about, so Mere explains that she went back to look at her mother's original hypothesis and realized that there was a flaw in it because in one particular way mouse cells react different than human cells and that's why the device is failing. She then adds a wee bit smugly that she marked the page for Bailey, and then leaves as Bailey glares after her. But she looks under the microscope, and lo and behold sees a happy, healthy cell. (Well, I assume. I think she saw a bunch of red and white blobby stuff through the microscope.)
Derek goes to talk to Mrs. B and her sleeping daughter and when he tells her that the tumor is all gone, she doesn't hear anything else he says and just jumps up him to hug him. The doctors beam at her and at their good luck in surgery.
Carl wakes up to see his hand in all sorts of crazy traction but nonetheless, it's a hand with five original fingers. Callie explains what she did and when he asks tells him that it should work just fine, though after some more surgery and a whole lot of physical therapy. He's beside himself and thanks her sincerely, then turns to his wife and brags that he told her Callie was an artist. I think Callie has earned the happy and proud grin on her face.
Alex decides that the best way he can help his friends is to stalk the judge on their case, and that includes seeking him out when he's a truly captive audience during his chemo treatment. The judge is pleasant until he hears that Alex wants to talk about a case, and tries to get Alex to understand that he's not allowed to discuss it. Alex just persists and tells him that the parents are two doctors and the baby has a serious condition and shouldn't be with some joe schmoe foster family who can't properly deal with it. The judge starts yelling for a nurse, so Alex finally decides to leave but not before leaving the file with him and begging him to take a look. As he goes, the judge calls after him that attempting to influence a judge is a federal offense. Alex just ignores him and goes. He's got very good intentions but this execution was about as bad as it could be.
Derek must just be That Good because he successfully finished a never-done-before brain surgery and unexpectedly still had time to make it to the game to be a pinch hitter. He gets a hit, but overall the Seattle Grace Mercy West team isn't as good as Seattle Presbyterian. We know this because our team is in jeans and other assorted non-matching pants while the S.P. team has matching baseball pants for everyone. That, and Meredith gripes that the S.G.M.W. team is already down 8-0. They run to take their places on the field and Mere pulls out a flask so that she and Cristina can get their drink on while Cristina gleefully thinks of her bucket surgery list. Mere's upset there is no news about Zola but says that she might have cured diabetes, so there's that. Soft music starts up and Cristina tells her quietly that her mom would have been proud. Fortunately, after a beat the two start laughing uncontrollably at this maternal notion. It is somehow not a surprise that Teddy is actually a horrible pitcher. But that doesn't really matter when two outfielders are already drunk and Callie shows up and just joins in to make out with Arizona in the outfield. One of the opposing players then gets a hit that is headed right towards the drinkers, and Cristina and Meredith panic a little as they try to get into position. Before they can do anything, though, Bailey runs up behind and catches the ball. When Mere yells that she had it, Bailey sarcastically asks if she really did, "or were you going to let it fall to the ground again?" Meredith has had enough pussyfooting around and demands to know what her problem is. She theorizes that Bailey doesn't want her on the trial basically out of spite, and Bailey asks if she is drunk. I don't think she thought the answer was actually going to be yes; I think it was supposed to be a metaphorical, "Are you insane?" But Cristina cheerfully tells her that they both are. Mere and Bailey then begin yelling at each other in earnest, and when Richard sees he calls a time out and then trots out to the outfield to handle the mess.
While all this is going on, Mark and his ophthalmologist ladyfriend are standing on first base while going to first base. Lexie's fed up with watching their lusty display and moans for them to get a room, but Jackson just tells her to give them a break. She doesn't, and finally, finally, FINALLY, Jackson seems to realize that his mom might have been right and that his girlfriend is having a bit of a jealousy conniption fit over another man. He asks her for confirmation that they are happy together but she just stands up and yells at everyone to get a move on and start playing again. He sits back, now actually worried.
Bailey is finally yelling everything she's kept bottled up for weeks about Meredith being reckless and irresponsible while Mere yells back that this is between her, Richard, and Derek and so Bailey needs to just butt out. And while I understand why Bailey is angry I actually think that Meredith rather has a point. Richard comes up and mercifully breaks into their arguing and yells at both of them. To Bailey he points out that she has nerve rubbing Meredith's nose in her mistakes since she can't even fix her own failing trial, and she really does need Meredith for that. To Mere he orders her to put some blue scrubs back on again and be a surgeon. He then tells them that they are to meet up in the lab on Monday morning. Both of them reluctantly agree, though Bailey's agreement is more of just a grunt. Cristina grins at someone yelling at Mere to give up the pink scrubs as Richard walks away and resumes the game, while Bailey and Mere try to shoot each other dead with their angry glares.
Teddy throws yet another awful pitch and this time, their Chief hits a home run. Time must have elapsed without our seeing it because they are now losing 12-0, and Chief McDougall is happy to rub it in as he jogs leisurely around the bases like he's Kirk Gibson.
For one brief moment Owen tries to pretend Teddy isn't horrible but when her own husband says it, Owen readily agrees. He tells Derek to get ready to pitch but Derek calls on Lexie, now that he knows she actually once was a pitcher. When they go to pull Teddy she's actually surprised and insists she is just warming up, so apparently once she gets out of scrubs she turns brain dead. Henry is super cute as he teases her and so she eventually gives up the mound. Owen then calls time out and has the whole team gather around him so that he can tell them how proud he is and how they are incredible, teaching each other and learning from each other, and stepping up when they need to. Cristina thinks he might actually be drunk too and questions if he really thinks they have a shot. Incredulously he tells her there's no way because they are all horrible at softball but as a surgical team they are awesome and he's their proud leader. He then declares that now they'll at least go down fighting.
Lexie is getting ready on the mound when the sexy ophthalmologist starts trash talking about her horrible pitching arm. Without hesitation, Lexie turns around and beans her right in the boob. She then acts all wide-eyed and calls that she thought she was trying to steal second base, while the other doc doubles over in pain. I was hit once in the chesticles with a football and I will tell you right now that while I don't like this girl and am a giant Mark-Lexie shipper and found that on some level satisfying, I also doubled over, clutching my own chest at the mere sight of it. The benches clear and Chief McDougall yells at Owen about how that could have been her hand. Her hand? Oh yeah, she's a surgeon. As a woman, the thought of any other body part flew out of my head. McDougall claims he's calling the game but Owen realizes this can only happen if he forfeits, and McDougall has a fit complete with throwing his hat on the ground and stomping. Psst -- if you were really worried about your surgeons' hands, you probably shouldn't have put together a softball team in the first place. I'm just saying. The drunk ones in the outfield just cackle as they watch the madness unfold.
Meredith starts up her weekly VO wrap-up, telling us that surgeons might not always be winners, but they aren't lazy and they like to take chances. When the game ended it appeared to be a very sunny afternoon, so I guess everyone decided to sit on the bleachers together for hours until dark to give the scene more of a feeling of wrapping up the day. Cristina passes around the flask but April has decided to just start drinking tequila from the jug. Slowly people start peeling off; Henry thanks Owen for letting him be a (rather inconsequential) ringer and he and Teddy leave. Derek is kissing Mere, so I guess they are still happily married again. Lexie seems to be feeling some remorse over what she did and asks if Mark's girlfriend is going to be okay; Callie laughs that it's her boob and with Mark, she's in good hands. That doesn't really help so much, and Jackson just keeps drinking away the new realization that Lexie has remained hung up on her ex, who happens to be his mentor. He finally asks Lexie what she meant by it, and Lexie lamely clings to the excuse that she thought the girl was stealing a base. Jackson bluntly tells her that she didn't think that at all, and then walks away. Unfortunately for him, Lexie doesn't seem super troubled when he leaves.
A very drunk April leans in to Bailey and whispers that she can hear her heart singing, which is a cue for Bailey to drive her home. Before she leaves, she tells Mere gruffly that she needs to be in the lab before rounds. Richard congratulates Owen on making it through four innings, which is more than he ever managed, and Cristina keeps thinking out loud about fancy surgeries. Alex hands Mere her flask back (try saying that five times fast) as Derek gets a text, and while he reads it Mere inexplicably asks Alex where he was the day before. If she's working in OB, would she really notice he was gone? I doubt it. But it sets it up nicely to remind us of all of his awkward scheming so that we're that much more surprised and touched when Derek tells Meredith that he just heard from Janet that the judge is looking at the files and setting a court date. Meredith reminds us that sometimes when you swing for the fences, you get a home run. And sometimes when you flaunt federal laws, you get lucky and the judge doesn't nail your ass to the wall and cancel your friends' pending adoption.
Lauren S is a writer and gal-about-town who lives and works in Atlanta and she is positively giddy that a good juicy love triangle is starting up between Jackson, Lexie and Mark. She wants everyone to know: "The views expressed in my recaps and anything else I might write on TWoP are my own and do not necessarily reflect the views of my employer."