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The residents are all working the night shift while the attendings go off to play -- Derek got his Alzheimer's grant, so everyone goes to Joe's to celebrate. When they walk in, though, they see literally the last thing on earth they had ever expected to see: Cristina bartending. She mixes them some crazy blue drinks, and things start to unravel for everyone in different ways. Bailey is child-free for the night, so she decides to drink her weight in blue cocktails while spouting romantic advice and complaints about fistulas. She shuffles back to the hospital to sleep it off, and April finds her and sets her up with an IV. They wind up having a bit of a heart-to-heart, and April is thrilled to think that they are now friends, but when a sober and hung-over Bailey wakes up, she assures April that none of that ever happened. The good thing is, though, that it seems to still have given April a bit of her confidence back after the whole Alex fiasco.
Alex and Jackson have actually made up in that way only boys can do after trying to beat each other to a bloody pulp. Jackson's mind probably can't maintain a feud with his roommate anyway, because it's too busy with PTSD and his massive survivor guilt. After Lexie has to wake him up from a nightmare about his poor dead buddy Charles, she tries to get him to open up, but he refuses. Instead he focuses his rather scary, angry energy on treating a kid who tried to beat a train across the tracks and lost, killing his younger brother in the process. While I was convinced this was going to result in his killing the kid and hitting rock bottom, he winds up being pretty awesome in the OR and is instrumental in saving him. Later, through analogy, he tells Lexie about his survivor's guilt, and how though he doesn't want to talk about it, it makes him better to know she knows what's going on. These two are totally hooking up sometime soon, I'm sure of it.
Alex winds up helping Mere, who drew the short straw and is watching weasely Dr. Stark's patients for the night. One patient is a kid who has extreme pain after surgery, and whose mom is a nurse so she knows something isn't right. Mere calls Stark in but gets told off by him for doing so, and he writes the kid's symptoms off as gas. Of course, it totally turns out later to be a perforated ulcer. She and Alex keep trying to contact Stark but he's ignoring them, so they wind up taking him in to surgery themselves and rocking it out. Of course, they are later rewarded by Stark's almost cartoonish screaming lecture and promise to make their lives hell for what they did, even though what they did was totally save his ass.
Mark, Callie and Teddy all wind up at Joe's for Derek's celebration and find themselves drunk from Cristina's concoctions, which leads the ladies to lament their love lives. Teddy is shattered because Callie and Arizona were the couple she looked up to, and she wants them to reunite, but Callie refuses to go to Africa; instead she tries to pick up another girl after Mark tells her she needs a sexual palate cleanser to help her move on. When that doesn't work out, and when she can't sleep at home, she makes the absolutely cringeworthy drunken decision to enlist Mark to be her sexual sorbet, though the shot of her face the morning indicates that she knows just how horrible that decision really was.
Obviously, Cristina's trying to bartend was also a horrible decision, and Joe realizes this pretty early on in the night when he has to explain that she can't give all the drinks away for free. Since Derek is her self-appointed protector, he winds up ditching his own party to sit at the bar and drink water while keeping an eye on her and make sure she doesn't do anything (even more) stupid. It turns out Joe fired her halfway through the night but she's now totally wasted and having a good time serving the bachelor party that is hanging out there. While Derek is making sure she doesn't leave with one of the dudes, he doesn't actually want to tell her what to do so he just watches as she drunkenly tries her hand at lap dancing. Owen comes back to the bar after surgery to find her doing just that, and while there isn't some crazy scene, he does put a stop to it and literally carries her home. He then plays the very good husband and brushes her hair out of her face while she pukes, but he obviously is at a complete and utter loss of what to do with her (as is everyone else). Looks like we're keeping this Cristina for a while to come, at this rate.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!First off, big thanks to the awesome Joe R for filling in for me last week! And now, on to this week's episode. I was all set to finally call time on transcribing these stupid VOs because I feel like they have gotten more and more unwieldy and either been obvious or forced. But then this week had one that I found actually kind of interesting. So: "We doctors take pride in the fact that we can basically sleep standing up, anytime, anywhere." Jackson is asleep and starts screaming bloody murder, so Lexie comes in to wake him up. He sits bolt upright and starts demanding to know where Charles is, and a freaked-out Lexie realizes he's still asleep and finally gets him to wake up. He's embarrassed, but covers by just getting all pissy and stomping off to get ready for work.
"But it's a false pride because the truth is, after about 20 hours without sleep, you might as well just come to work drunk. Doctor or not. So, it's no wonder that fatal medical errors increase at night when we doctors are, proudly, sleeping on our feet." Well, that makes me fairly sure that even if I rip my arm off, I'm going to just wait until morning to go to the doctor. Derek gets home and sees Jackson shuffle to the bathroom (happily for all of us, sans shirt) and then looks into Alex's room as he sits bolt upright to his alarm, looking very much like an actual zombie if that zombie had just been beaten to a pulp. Lexie yawns her way to the bathroom but April is up and far too chipper, offering Derek some "breakfast" which he declines as it is 6 PM. Mere continues, "Recently, our communal pride has been shattered, and our egos have been wounded by new laws that require that we sleep all day before we work all night. We are not happy about it. But as someone who may one day need medical care, you really should be." Well, now I personally feel secure enough to go to the ER if my arm is ripped off, but if it's still hanging on by anything, I will still until morning since I don't believe that this daytime sleeping is doing any good. Either way, I found it personally rather interesting to learn there are now laws forcing doctors to sleep. Who knew?
Derek walks in to the bedroom where Mere is sleeping and recounts his day, tossing out casually that he got the Phillips Grant -- judging by Meredith's excited reaction, it's a big deal Alzheimer's grant. Mark is throwing him a party at Joe's, but Derek would rather fool around a little with his post-it bride. Too bad for him, she's late for work.
She's like the mom who has the carpool that day as she drives the sleepy gang to work, and as Jackson and Alex joke about their fight Mere marvels at that special ability guys have to just beat the crap out of each other and then shake it off. It's kind of funny -- one shot seems to be backwards as April flips from Alex's right to his left and then back again in the backseat. Alex gripes that April hasn't also let it go yet but dude, come on. Yes, she should have known better, but cut the poor girl some slack since you've probably scared her off of sex for at least another year. Getting yelled at isn't exactly what a girl is looking for during her first time.
When they arrive, the attendings are all aghast to see that the residents are yawning and won't accept their complaints about how hard it is to sleep during the day. Instead they all start bragging about how long they had to work without sleep back in their residencies and Alex adds that they did that while walking through the snow and whittling their own scalpels. It's the totally easy joke, but still: well played, Alex. Stark of course thinks he's an ass and tries to bust him but the others don't care and Bailey just loads him down with work for the evening, including pulling out a bunch of fistula cases for her. Avery and Lexie follow Teddy to the ER, and Mere draws the short straw and is on Stark's service, though he's glad to have someone working for him that he's heard is actually smart. He tells her all the patients are stable and bolts for the door to head to dinner; when she asks how to get a hold of him, he just says she won't have to. Seriously, how did Richard even hire this guy, especially to replace Arizona? Peter MacNicol definitely plays the squirrely asshole to a T, and he's such a self-centered jerk that it's almost difficult to watch.
Owen brings Lexie and Jackson up to speed but then pulls Jackson aside to ask how he's feeling. Jackson tries to first play dumb about what he means and then assures Owen that he's fine, and finally when Owen reminds him that he doesn't have to prove anything, he snaps once again at his superior. Owen just tells him that he really should talk to someone, but Jackson politely and pointedly just tells him to have a good night. Lexie is a terrible actress and though she fiddles with a chart, she's obviously been listening to every word.
The attendings have all happily made it over to Joe's, and when they get there they offer their congratulations for Derek. Bailey announces that the first round is on her but then trails off and everyone turns to see what she is looking at. They are all completely horrified to see Cristina behind the bar, pulling an incredibly foamy pint as Joe tries to instruct her. I don't believe what she is wearing is THE famous Three Wolf Moon Tee but there does appear to be at least one wolf and a moon, and is shredded into tassels at the sleeves. Naturally, she then has a denim vest on over it. She looks like she outfitted herself at one of the biker apparel booths at a county fair. Derek asks her what's up and she just chirps that Owen told her to get a job so here she is, working. She then beams at him as she asks what he is drinking.
As she mixes some sort of revolting concoction at the bar under Joe's worried gaze, Owen explains to the others that she's spent days watching infomercials so yes, he told her to get a job but figured she'd work in a lab or something. Derek's bright idea is to suggest she could be a housewife but Callie snorts and rightfully points out that she'd probably be even worse at that than bartending. Cristina then glides over with some unnaturally blue drinks on a tray and announces that she calls them the "Early Onset Alzheimer's" because they won't remember anything after they drink it. She did it in Shepherd's honor but after he chokes at the taste he asks her if she thinks the name is a bit distasteful. Of all the things that have been said over the years among these doctors, I can't believe this is where he's going to attempt to draw a line. The boys order scotch but Bailey seems to like the EOA, against all odds. Cristina then flits off to go serve the bachelor party that just danced in, and Derek puts on his best Troubled Face.
Lexie and Jackson are heading to see the first trauma of the night and Lexie seems to want to call Owen but Jackson insists they don't, and wants to at least see what is wrong first. Unfortunately what they are faced with are two teenage brothers who tried to race a train across the tracks and lost. They are both in pretty bad shape, and Lucas, the elder bro, is calling out for his little brother Reilly and promising never to try racing a train again. Jackson is treating Lucas and tries to insist that they don't need to call Hunt, but when Lexie checks out the younger brother Reilly's injuries, she calls Jackson over quietly in that way that means it's obviously something pretty bad. She shows him the boy's leg sitting at the end of the table and then a gaping wound that I can't even tell what it is, but it seems to be displaying all of his innards, so Jackson finally agrees that now is the time to call Hunt.
Mere goes in to see her first patient, and of course the kid isn't stable and perfect as promised. He's in tons of pain after chest surgery and his mom is a nurse, so she knows that it's not normal to have ab pain after said surgery. As Mere checks him out Mrs. McNeill, the mom, asks if she will call Stark and Mere agrees.
Teddy walks into the bar, looking amazing with some great, wavy hair, and it turns out she looks fab because she just came from a date, but that it was a very short, horrible date. She tries a sip of the EOA and cringes before launching into a tirade against internet dating and refuses to let Derek chip in since he's happily married. She then turns to Callie and tells her to go to Africa, tell Arizona she's an idiot, and then make everything okay because what they had was rare and awesome. Callie says she's not going so Teddy declares that she's also an idiot. She sounds like she's already drunk but has only had one sip of the blue drink and some scotch from Mark, so I'm not entirely sure how she's this far gone only two minutes after her drinks. Cristina wasn't wrong about their potency, I guess. And speaking of the new bartender, Teddy finally notices her when she starts timing a chugging contest between the bachelors, and asks what she missed, face appalled.
April gets the comic relief patients of the night in two 15-year-olds who are in love and against his having to move away with his family so they have superglued their arms and hands together. The father is kind of awesome, not mad, just tired, and when they can't stop making out long enough to talk to April he answers, "Apparently my son and girlfriend's love is so great they can't HEAR YOU." The lip mics are really turned up for all of the disgusting smacking of their making out, too. The boy comes up for air long enough to declare that he's not moving with the family, he's staying there with the awesomely-named Lauren. They then go back to kissing but Lauren manages to suggest that she wishes they could glue their lips together, too. Oooooh, to be a teenager again, desperately in love and sure you've found your soulmate.
Stark has come back and is checking Kid McNeill. After he listens to him he gives thumbs up to Kid and then purses his mouth and nods at the mom. That's not weird and off-putting in the least, Doctor. He then walks out and asks Mere if she's had tiramisu from some particular restaurant. She's confused as she's thinking about, oh, medicine, but he's livid because she pulled him away before he could try said tiramisu. He's utterly sure that the kid just has gas and ridicules Mere for not reaching that conclusion on her own and calling him in. He brushes off her questions, repeats his diagnosis, and then stalks off talking about the tiramisu.
Owen shows up and gets right to work with Lexie on Reilly, who has now slipped into unconsciousness. Jackson calls out that Lucas has some sort of gaping wound and something stuck in it so Owen has him book and OR, and Jackson then tries to calm Lucas down as he keeps calling for his brother. He explains that his brother forgot his saxophone at school so they had gone back to get it, and that the guardrail was just coming down and he thought he could beat it. Kids: Never try to beat the guardrail. Despite Owen and Lexie's best efforts, Reilly finally dies, and Owen whispers the time of death so that Lucas can't hear. It's 1:40 AM. Emo music wails as Owen runs over to help Jackson with the other brother.
Derek walks over to the bar and Cristina happily pours him a scotch on the house, and an exhausted-sounding Joe has to explain that if she keeps doing that she'll put the house out of business. Cristina has gone completely manic and is acting like an airhead, as if all of her brain cells have just started dying off out of boredom from not working. Derek just asks her if she's having fun and she tells him seriously that she is, but as she accepts a tip and then picks up a tray of shots for the bachelors, she seems to have been a bit subdued by his question. Derek just sips his drink and watches her "work."
Of course Kid is still in massive amounts of pain and his mom insists to Meredith that this isn't just gas. Meredith lamely tries to say that the medicine needs time to work, but Mrs. M knows better and lectures her that she's worked the night shift before and knows what's what. She growls that patients can fall through the cracks and she won't let that happen to her son. She sounds melodramatic but I have to say that when I needed it my mom went and kicked ass like this for me, so it makes me rather fond of this character. And Mere knows she's right and admits she doesn't think it's gas either, and will run some tests.
Mark joins Derek at the bar and chides him for leaving his own party, and when Derek voices his worry for Cristina, Mark just writes it off as a phase and reminds him that this night is about his winning a prestigious grant. He knows Derek, though, and realizes that he's not going to get Derek back to his own party, so he goes back to the table alone.
By the time Mark gets back to the table, the ladies are all pretty drunk and having a Deep Conversation the way only drunk people can. Callie is jealous of Cristina in a way, because she's living the life that none of them ever did because they were too busy in med school. Mark thinks about cutting Bailey off by asking how many drinks she's had but she informs him that her son is with his dad for the night, so she can do what she likes. Unfortunately, Callie is turning into a sad drunk, and she asks Teddy if Arizona talks about her. Teddy has had too much booze to mask her deer-in-the-headlights reaction, and though Bailey shakes her head and tries to stop her, Teddy awkwardly says that Arizona just got right down to the medicine and is only focused on that right now. Callie starts to throw a full-on pity party for herself, moaning that she can't believe she's back here again and though Mark tries to stop her, she's too far gone. As she moans that she doesn't know how to be single again, Mark announces that she needs a "sexual palate cleanser." Teddy is thoroughly grossed out but Bailey is utterly delighted and laughs out loud at the idea of "sexual sorbet." It's a nice touch that her tongue is turning blue from the EOAs. Mark then tells Callie that a redhead across the bar has been eyeing her all night and though Teddy doesn't think it's a great idea, Callie decides to go for it.
In the OR, Jackson, Lexie and Owen can't even identify what it is that they are pulling out of Lucas' abdomen. Owen tries to get Jackson to slow down but he's thrown himself into the surgery like this will solve all of his problems and he just keeps at it. When a nurse announces that his parents are here Owen tries to send him out but he kind of flips out and announces he's staying, which he then amends to a request at a look from Owen. He agrees, and sends Lexie to talk to them, giving her a break from all of the worried looks she's been shooting Jackson's way.
Ever the goody two-shoes, April is appalled to find Meredith and Alex eating pizza in the attendings' lounge, worried they will get in trouble. But they aren't worried, so she hangs there and complains about her glued patients. Alex suggests she try acetone but April is still fully invested in her grudge and ignores him, asking Meredith for advice. Once she suggests acetone, April thanks her and skips out. Once she's gone, Mere does some complaining of her own about Stark and when Alex hears that she called him in, he laughs out loud. He repeatedly then tells her that the number one rule of the night is that you don't call Stark. She's at a loss, though, since she hasn't been on peds in a while. Alex, however, is turning into Awesome Peds Phenom, so she gives him the info and he suggests some additional tests that she can run. He insists that she has to totally cover her ass so that if she really does have to call Stark, he'll have no choice but to come back in.
Back at the bar the docs watch as Callie writes down something for the redhead, but she comes back to the table and announces that in fact she was eyeing Callie's new haircut, not what was under the hair. The women start grousing about dating again, and Bailey interjects that she wants a man that can talk fistulas. Yep, it came out just as random as you can imagine, and she silences the others. She then declares matter-of-factly that if you find a man interested in fistulas and pancreases (she has some trouble with that word and generously adds a lot of s's) that you'll then find a man that's not internet dating. She looks very pleased with herself with this "advice" but the others are confused as not much about her sentence actually made sense as a response to anything.
Alex finds Meredith waiting around; it turns out that she's waiting for her CT but there's only one tech and he's really backed up. As she's complaining, Richard sweeps into the room, thoroughly pissed to have been called at home by a mother concerned that his residents are about to kill her son. He's not worried about how she got his number so much as why she felt like she needed to call. For her part, Mere doesn't let herself get intimidated and just explains the backup in the CT lab.
Richard just marches over to the CT room and confronts the tech, who at first is so blasé about it that I figured he somehow didn't know who Richard was. His voice drips with attitude as he says that the backup tech didn't feel well, so he gave him the night off, which is something sweet they do for each other. It's pretty ballsy to talk back to the Chief, and as Mere and Alex watch Richard hollers that he needs to call the guy and order him to come in immediately. Something about his tone gets the guy to finally hustle and obey and it's a good thing, because Richard announces himself to the tech at the other end of the phone and warns him that if he's not there in five minutes both of them will lose their jobs. Fear properly instilled in those employees, he turns to the residents and announces, "That's how you get things done at night."
Out in the waiting area, Lexie gives Lucas' parents an update on his surgery, but as she turns to go back they call after her to ask if she knows anything about Reilly. Lexie is stunned to realize that they have no idea he's dead, and they pick up on her reaction right away. (I love that this is finally becoming more prevalent on the show -- that when the doctors have really obvious reactions to something, people actually notice rather than all of us pretending that they are doing a good job of hiding their emotions.) She carefully asks if anyone has talked to them and they both grab onto their chairs like they are life rafts -- which answers that question. Lexie takes a moment and then starts into her usual death notification, and the parents realize what's coming and scream and beg for her not to say it. She's left telling them how sorry she is as they wail and hold each other, and it's all she can do to keep it together.
Lexie comes back to the surgery rather depressed after having to go through that, and she chatters that she hopes they can keep Lucas alive, mentioning how guilty he's going to feel when he wakes up. That of course pushes a button in Jackson who hollers at her to shut up. Seriously, bringing the hot therapist in for three weeks to help counsel the doctors did just about nothing other than be soothing to our eyes, seeing as how some of our docs are still so deeply screwed up but yet are still allowed to work. Jackson apologizes but keeps operating with such a vengeance that it looks like he's stabbing some tool straight through Lucas' innards to get his aggression out. Owen is clearly worried, but Jackson does actually have his surgical wits about him, if nothing else. He manages to fix a bleeder that crops up and Owen compliments his work, managing to conceal most of his surprise that Jackson is able to do a good job in his current state.
April is still trying to separate the lovebirds but the acetone isn't working, and she's at a bit of a loss. She thinks that her problems are solved when she sees Bailey walk by and excitedly runs after her to get some help.
What April couldn't tell through the window is that Bailey can only just manage to keep herself upright at this point, and she announces that she's just there to take a nap before she goes home. April still doesn't really notice what's wrong and starts to babble about her patients, and Bailey just babbles back about young people, love and fistulas. But when Bailey can't get a dollar into the vending machine, and then acts sad, like the machine is a friend who has betrayed her, April finally (FINALLY) gets what is going on. She gently asks Bailey if she is drunk and then helps her put her dollar in the machine so that she can get some oh-so-delicious-after-too-much-to-drink chips. Bailey, of course, just claims to be a bit tipsy.
Mere, whose patient is finally in the CT, has her own moment of thinking a white knight has arrived, this time in the form of Teddy. But Teddy astutely points out that if Joe won't give her back her car keys, she's probably not in good shape to actually practice medicine. Teddy then drops the bomb about Cristina bartending, which Mere thinks is a joke, but Teddy assures her that it's quite real. She then launches into yet another internet dating tirade, and Mere has to help her zip her jacket as she talks. Teddy then veers onto the subject of Cristina again, and she's pretty torn up that her star student is mixing drinks and letting bachelors feel her up. Mere looks appropriately grossed out at the idea, but then has to go back to work because the scans are up. Who would have ever thought we'd see the day that our residents were the more mature doctors, taking care of the attendings?
Mark has managed to get Callie home and as she wallows in her drunken funk he tries to make her feel better and helps her take off her boots. The camera gives us a long, loving shot as he unzips each one, so we know what is lurking somewhere in his mind. Mark mentions that Cristina looked like she was having fun but Callie says that's crap and talks about how girls who dance on bars are aloooooone, just like her. I agree with the "crap" part but her metaphor obviously veers off of Cristina and is about Callie's current state. She realizes she just needs to sleep, and Mark very sweetly tucks her in to her makeshift bed on his sofa.
So as we all knew from the very first second of the episode, Mere was right, and she tells Alex that Kid (Drew! He has a name! But I think "Kid" has now already stuck.) has a perforated ulcer and oh yeah, Cristina is working at Joe's. Fortunately she gets right back to the rather urgent medicine at hand, and tells Alex that of course Stark didn't answer when she called. The problem is that Kid needs surgery, and they both have a silent What Do We Do? moment.
What she does is bring Alex in to consult, and Alex informs Mrs. M that Kid needs surgery but that they called and Stark is on his way in, so they will start prepping kid now. Mrs. M is super grateful and thanks then genuinely.
Once they are out in the hall Mere points out the enormity of what they are about to do, calling in an OR team, since Stark might not ever answer the call. Alex just points out that Kid could die and says he's taking him in either way, then parrots the Chief by announcing that this is how you get things done at night. He talks a really good game, assuring Meredith that he could handle any of the complications she suggests, and that he can do it even better than Stark. He then asks if she's in or out, and though she seems a bit unsure, she absolutely won't let Alex do it without her.
After he's prepped they wait as long as they can, and have a nurse call Stark every five minutes until he answers, but it's pretty much time to go. Alex also tries to page Bailey but he knows they are out of time, picks up a scalpel and just goes for it.
April gets Bailey all set up with an IV to help set her right, but Bailey's already feeling pretty right -- when her phone rings she delightedly sees that it's the OR and then panics and shoves the phone at April. April, flustered, answers and then tells them that Bailey is indisposed and hangs up, which tickles Bailey to no end. She's in such a good mood, in fact, that she decides now is the right time to call Ben and tell him how well he took care of her NEEDS, and that she made a big mistake by breaking up with him. Oh honey, we all could have told you that a long time ago. When April finds out Ben is her ex, she tries to keep the phone away but when Bailey wants something she generally gets it, and she pulls the phone from April's grasp and implies she doesn't get it because she's a virgin. April is pretty taken aback at how gossip really does travel but Bailey just assures her that she knows everything. Yes, but also, gossip does travel at light speed around these parts. She pulls April veeeery close before loudly pronouncing, "Alex Karev is not the boy you want to take your maiden voyage with!" April is appalled, but Bailey just settles back onto the gurney and muses that she will find a nice boy who loves her. As she babbles, she adds, "Soap and warm water." April is worried that Bailey is somehow referring to her maiden voyage but Bailey is talking about her glued teenagers, and assures her that soap, warm water, and acetone will do the trick. April thanks her and runs off, and fortunately Bailey seems to drift off before she actually drunk dials. That never ends well.
Joe and Derek, who has moved on to water, are watching Cristina do shots with the bachelors when Derek suggests that Joe could fire her for drinking on the job, but it turns out Joe did that hours earlier. He thinks Derek should just take her home but Derek is still holding firm that everyone else has been telling Cristina what to do, so he won't do that -- he won't take her home until she wants to go. I think this is where Derek's method of treatment goes a bit off the rails. I get not pushing her into surgery but taking a drunk married friend away from a group of drunk horny bachelors just seems like something that one does for a friend, whether they are having a life crisis or not. But Derek is just going to stay and make sure she doesn't leave with anyone, saying as long as she's acting like a stripper, he'll act like a bouncer. Joe is incredibly skeptical about Derek's non-plan, and they both just watch the former surgeon while she cavorts with the drunks. Here's my question, though. Couldn't Joe solve all of this super easily by just closing for the night? Bars in Seattle close at 2 AM, and Owen called time of death on that kid at 1:40. He's since been in surgery picking bits of turn signal out of the kid's brother, the Chief has showed up, Meredith has gotten her CT, and the other attendings have all made it home or to the hospital. I know that didn't all happen in just 20 minutes. So why is Joe just watching all of this happen rather than kicking everyone out as is customary once it's closing time? Then again, this is a show that took three seasons to chronicle one calendar year, so I guess I shouldn't question timelines too much in this universe.
Owen, Jackson and Lexie are out of Lucas' surgery and Jackson insists that Owen go home and try to get a couple of hours of sleep and he'll take care of the follow-up. Owen agrees and again compliments his work, tells Lexie to go give the parents some actual good news, and then takes off. Once he's gone, Lexie cautiously approaches Jackson and tells him that he can talk to her. He plays dumb, which is one of my total pet peeves -- dude, she hears you screaming every night. Clearly something is on your mind. She tells him as much, but way nicer than that, and adds that she had sleep problems too, that turned out to be real problems. Seriously, of all of the people there she really can empathize better than anyone. He just haughtily announces that he doesn't have any problems and then reminds her that he just kicked ass in surgery and saved a kid's life, which he considers a great night. Lexie just looks skeptical at his bravado, which clearly irks him, so he just asks what her problem is and then walks away. Ugh. He's making himself less hot by acting like a jackass and I don't like that. Lexie just raises her eyebrows, because she knows that she's the one who is right.
Meredith and Alex work away on Kid since Stark still hasn't answered his phone. As they work, they marvel at their balls for calling in a whole OR team, and they also marvel at the fact that the team actually came and here they are.
Mark gets up for some water and when he sees Callie, he worries that he woke her up. But she couldn't sleep, and she has a certain look in her eyes; when he asks if she wants some water too, she haltingly admits that she wants... sorbet. There's something endearing to me in the fact that he doesn't immediately get what she means, thinking instead that she wants actual dessert. After she gives him a very pointed look he catches on and seems skeptical, but also not averse to the idea. He asks her if she really means it, and she does. Oh Mark, this is where you play the good friend and gently put a stop to it because you know it's a terrible idea even though you two have always been totally hot together! But he doesn't, and they start ripping each other's clothes off, and they are still totally hot together.
Lexie walks out of Lucas' room, having just given them an update, and asks Jackson if she should mention any of the risks, since she doesn't want to worry them more than she has to. Jackson just says to tell them that he's going to feel pretty awful, and that every time he feels glad to be alive he'll hate himself for it since his brother died. He then adds that Lucas won't want to talk about it, but he'll be glad they know. Finally!! I'll take talking in totally obvious metaphor if it just means he's getting something off his chest. Lexie looks at him, understanding, but he can't really look at her after saying all that and he takes off.
Mere VOs: "Under the cover of darkness, people do things they'd never do under the harsh glare of day." In Cristina's case, that thing is giving a (thankfully clothed) lap dance to one of the bachelors, and Owen walks in just in time to catch part of the show. Derek tells him it's not as bad as it looks but Owen quips that it does look pretty bad. But he thanks Derek for calling him and for looking out for his wife, and then goes to collect his bride. After he calls her name she looks up and slurs, "Oh my God, it's my boyfriend," and he has to remind her that he's in fact her husband. The bachelor hands her right over, and Owen slings her over his shoulder and takes her home while Joe watches and seems to wonder just what kind of crazy took over his bar that night.
When a very confused and hungover Bailey wakes up a very perky April is there to greet her. April immediately starts talking about the night before and is thrilled that Bailey opened up to her, since she hadn't even known if Bailey liked her at all. Bailey's looking more and more troubled but the last straw is when April suggests that maybe they're kinda sorta friends. Bailey takes a moment and then calmly tells her that this never happened, but when a confused April finally agrees Bailey doesn't think it's enough and makes her actually say the words, so that they can then forget this night ever happened.
Mark has fallen asleep as happy sorbet but Callie is still wide awake, and the freaked-out look on her face shows that she regrets this already. Mere VOs: "Decisions feel wiser."
"People feel older." Mere and Alex are in the conference room, waiting for Stark to finally get there and presumably give them what for. They're reassuring each other that they did what they had to do but Alex points out that Kid is now going to be okay and his mom is happy -- they did what they were trained to do. Mere then smiles and asks if he remembers their first day, when Richard said that only two of them would make it? Simultaneously, they both admit they thought it would be themself and Cristina. They smile and pat themselves on the back for being the last two standing. Stark finally decides to show up, so they both put on serious expressions as he winds up and then starts screaming like a banshee. As he promises to make their lives living hells, and rebukes them for "hijacking" an OR (seriously, at this point it feels kind of like he would rather the kid died, purely out of spite) Richard walks by and starts watching at the window. He chuckles, and while Alex keeps a straight face Mere shakes her head ever so slightly. It seems to be a proud chuckle rather than a "you're getting what you deserve" chuckle, since they did what he said and figured out how to get things done at night.
Mere then drives the crew home as her VO continues, "But when the sun rises, you have to take responsibility for what you did in the dark." April is a changed woman -- as opposed to sulking she takes a giant piece of pizza from the box Alex is holding and happily munches away as she tells Alex how she used soap and water with the acetone to separate Romeo and Juliet. He just announces that he wants a beer and Mere happily points out they've got that at home, as '80s teen movie pop music peppily plays in the background and they all smile at their successful night.
Cristina's not having as much fun facing what she did in the dark, since she has to face it in the toilet bowl as Mere finishes: "And face yourself under the cold, harsh light of day." Owen is holding her hair back, still sticking with her like he promised, but after she shoves his glass of water away he does look like he's finally at a total loss of what to do about her.
And who would have thought that Derek and Meredith would be one of the most functional couples of the show? As Derek gets up for work and wishes her a good morning, she wishes him a good night, and he goes and shuts the blinds as he gazes at her. Seriously, I never in a million years would have seen that coming, but here they are, appearing to be quite happy and, dare I say, functional. Who knew?