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Remember Really Old Guy, in whose room the Fab Five would eat lunch all during their internship? He actually wakes up, and it turns out he knows everything about everyone. Too bad he doesn't actually blurt out all of the really horrifying stuff. He's decided he wants to die that day, but Izzie can't believe it will really happen. He tells her that George is never going to tell Callie about them, which was AWESOME, but unfortunately…well, let's get to that in a moment.
Cristina figures out from Meredith and Derek's awkwardness that they're sleeping together again, and is totally miffed that Meredith hasn't told her. So she decides to act really sad about the breakup with Burke in order to get Meredith to give her surgeries. And she wins a doozy -- a woman is in with cancer of the tongue, and George inadvertently spurs Mark and Richard into trying a cutting-edge surgery neither has done before so that she'll still be able to talk afterwards. In exchange, Meredith takes her interns to work in the ER. This means she has to work with Lexie, who finally blows up at Mere after a procedure and then goes running to volunteer in the clinic. When Bailey finds out what is going on, she gives Meredith a talking-to about working with and teaching her sister as she's supposed to. Lexie also lets it slip that she thinks Meredith hated her mother, so once the day is over, Meredith brings her the report on her mother's death and reviews it with her so she knows what happened, and also corrects her that she really liked her mom. In between all of her sister drama, she figures out that Cristina's faking it because she's mad about Meredith not confiding in her like usual. She offers to have them stay up all night, talking and crying, and finally the truth comes out. Cristina then tells her that she doesn't need to be taken care of, especially not by Meredith withholding things from her to try and protect her feelings.
Alex gets a new intern assigned to him, who happens to be a few decades older than he is. They take a patient in the clinic -- a boy whose mom thinks he is doing drugs. Norman, the intern, makes chatty friends with the mom, and that contributes to Alex almost missing the correct diagnosis. He's got tons of fluid building up in his brain and as Derek's been pulled into the tongue surgery to save the day, he gives Alex instructions on how to drain the fluid in THE MOST horrifying surgical procedure I think they've had in the history of this show in order to save the boy's life. Afterward, Bailey gives Alex a dressing-down about how he needs to control his interns, no matter what their age, and that the pecking order of the hospital saves lives. Realizing she's had her own problems with this, she goes to make amends with Callie, who has been hiding and doing paperwork all day, and they agree to work together in the future. Which then brings us back to Izzie and George. He finally tells Izzie that it's his job to tell Callie and to back off (yay!) since it's not an easy or quick thing to do. But as it turns out, when he gets home that night Callie tells him to just spit it out, and so he admits he slept with Izzie. (Boo!) Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Seriously, these previouslys are getting ridiculous in their length. It's like, "Previously, on Grey's Anatomy, everything that's ever happened since the start of the series." ["Maybe it's an ABC thing? Because The Bachelor and Brothers & Sisters both have really overdetailed previouslys as well." -- Sars]
Let's hear what Meredith has to say to lead us into this week, shall we? "Doctors give patients a number of things. We give them medicine, we give them advice, and most of the time we give them our undivided attention." I have to say that I think "most" is being rather generous in that last clause. Izzie's been pacing in front of the elevators, while inside one of them, Lexie and Alex are making eyes at each other. A gaggle of interns join them and are exclaiming in awe, "I heard he saved a guy from coding yesterday. All by himself." Intern of unknown number: "He just knows things," et cetera. When they finally declare, "Best intern ever," Alex asks Lexie to whom they're referring, and when she tells him it's George, he starts to snicker, but she shushes him.
While Izzie jumps around on tiptoe, looking at people getting out of the elevators, Meredith's VO continues: "But by far, the hardest thing you can give a patient is the truth." Alex gets out and tells her conspiratorially that George has the interns snowed, but Izzie couldn't care less what he's saying.
Meanwhile, in another elevator, Derek gets in, and he and Mere scream, "Wasn't that secret sex good last night?!" but not quite in so many words -- they make stilted small talk while trying not to giggle. Cristina is reading the paper (because this must be the longest elevator ride in history) but looks up to see what's going on. VO: "The truth is hard. The truth is awkward. And very often, the truth hurts." The secret sex coach arrives, and Izzie swears. Cristina just indignantly tells her, "She's doing McDreamy. She's doing McDreamy and lying about it." In what will come as a shock, Izzie doesn't care, as this doesn't center around her. Cristina continues to rant, figuring Meredith is doing this because she thinks Cristina can't handle it with what she's gone through. Izzie manages a "Poor Cristina, all alone." Cristina agrees. "Damn right. Poor Cristina." She leaves, and the doors to the millionth elevator open, and the object of Izzie's desire gets out. She immediately asks what happens but gets a severe, tiny head-shake of warning. Callie comes out right after George, reading papers, and doesn't even bother looking up at the dumb blonde. After they walk past, George looks back once fleetingly and looks confused, as only a guy being led around by two women can. Mere wraps up, "I mean, people say they want the truth. But do they really?"
Meredith and Derek have been "sharing the truth" in the supply closet, and are pulling their clothes back on, giggling, in the afterglow of all that honesty. Seriously, what happens if someone actually needs supplies? I've yet to see a supply room used for its actual purpose around here. When she tells him to leave the room first and she'll follow, Derek deduces that they're having not just breakup sex, but secret breakup sex. That, or they're trying not to advertise that they're spending their work hours studying each other's anatomy. He guesses that it's a secret because of Cristina, and Mere sort of waffles around about it and says, "If she knew..." Derek finishes that then she'd have to talk about herself and Derek, which would take so much time that there'd be none left for Cristina's problems. Mere points out, "I told you we don't talk about it."
Alex is ordering his interns around for the day, and gives Laura (the one I thought was a nurse last week) scut two days in a row for some slight backtalk. He then yells at them to get lost, all of which to show what a badass resident he is -- a self-proclaimed Nazi. The Chief then heads over to him with Dr. Norman Shales. Yay, Edward Herrmann! Richard explains that he transferred there from the greatest hospital at the best university in the history of the world, UCLA. Alex is happy to meet him and assumes he's the new OB/GYN. Unfortunately, he is very, very wrong. Norm is his new intern, and at Alex's horrified look, he declares, "Don't worry, son. This tugboat's ready to pull his own weight." Richard cheers him on, asking heartily, "Age is just a number, right, Norman?" Alex mutters to himself, "A pretty important one." I think Alex is just intimated because Norman appears to be literally twice his size. In fact, by comparison, all of Seattle Grace seems to be populated by munchkins now.
Meredith finds Cristina at the nurses' station and, at her dramatically lethargic hello, asks if everything's okay. Cristina leans on the counter and idly plays with a flower in a vase -- a surefire tip-off that this is acting worth of an Academy Award, because Cristina? Flowers? -- and says she thinks it's all just hitting her: stupid Burke, stupid Mama, getting dumped, et cetera et cetera. Mere asks if wants to talk, and as she already explained earlier, of course Cristina does not. In lieu of talking, Mere offers anything else she might be able to do, and Cristina deftly takes her golden opportunity. She sighs, wishing she had a really good surgery. "Surgeries make me feel better." That seed planted, she grabs Interns One and Two and leaves.
Mark heads in to a patient's room to see a middle-aged woman, Connie, and her two friends, Joanne and Elaine. Elaine remarks, "This is why you and I need to get sick. The doctors. One's more handsome than the ." Well, she's not wrong there, but I'd still recommend this hospital for eye candy, and another for dedicated care. Richard joins them, explaining that he knows Connie from taking her appendix out three years previously. She asks after Adele, and Richard loses every drop of cool and stammers about how hard marriage is, but how Adele has consented to go on a date with him that very night. Connie's not just there to help provide exposition; she had a bump on her tongue removed that turned out to be cancer, and now she's there to have the rest of it removed. Her tongue, that is. She's extremely good-natured and chatty, which I note because it will come into play in just a second. Mark has to kill the mood by telling her it turns out the cancer is in 60% of her tongue, but that they have a surgery called a microvascular free flap. I don't know -- I just don't want the word "flap" in a surgery. Something about that sounds kind of...unfinished. But what it means is that flesh from her leg will be used to recreate the lost tongue, and that she'll then be able to breathe, chew, and swallow. She notices one key action is missing, and she adds, "And talk." The uncomfortable silence of the doctors and the five thousand interns standing behind them gives her an idea of the answer, and she asks directly if she'll be able to talk. Mark finally answers that she will, but he's not sure anyone will be able to understand her. For the first time in this checkup, she and her friends are completely dumbstruck.
Alex has followed the example of his friends, and takes Norman down to the clinic for the "good experience." He gets in some ass-kissing about how Bailey is the best and Norman will really learn from her. Without batting an eye, Bailey calls him on dumping Norm there so he can troll for surgeries. There's a lot of nervous laughter, and he pulls her aside to explain, "The dude's got a bum hip and he smells like arthritis cream." He adds that Norm can't keep up and begins outright begging, promising to owe her one. She uses the moment to call it in just then and sends Alex over to see a patient, bringing Norm with him. "Show him how we do an H&P." Am I dumb? Multiple viewings and watching every episode of this show haven't helped me in guessing what that means. ["'History and physical.' The only reason I know it is from Googling it every damn time ER mentioned it." -- Sars]
What it means this time, at least, is dealing with a sullen kid and his mom, who insists he is on drugs. He vehemently denies it, but she cites his lethargy, irritability, mood swings, and dropping grades as proof. Alex says they'll run a series of tests, but she thinks a drug test is the only important one; she's directing this and all her other questions to "Dr. Shales," since she assumes he's in charge. He jumps right in and starts waxing eloquent about his own children and the power of a mother's instinct.
Ever the professional, Izzie doesn't seem to be working so much as outright stalking George, and she pulls him into Really Old Guy's room to ask what happened the night before. Izzie does a lot of sighing and looking put-upon as George explains that he didn't do it, and then babbles about how mad he is at her but how much she helped him through and then how mad he is because "Who marries someone who just buried their father?" I love Callie (or Old Callie, at least) but...it's not a bad question. Kids, don't marry people at the most vulnerable and needy moment of their lives. Izzie's interns then pile in to the room despite her yelling at them that she needed a minute, and they gawk admiringly at George and his Intern Skillz. He flees, so Izzie starts rounds right there. She has Graciella, one of her outspoken female interns, give the bullet on Really Old Guy. She points out that he has a name, but Bad Mood Izzie snaps that it's "Really Old Guy" and tells her to catch up. He's been there a year, which is very convenient for our interns who wanted a quiet spot to lunch, and Izzie blithely runs through his normal treatment: labs and dialysis. No one is more shocked than Izzie when Really Old Guy himself tells her not to bother with dialysis, since "I plan to die today. So it won't be necessary." Izzie, blissfully, is speechless. He continues, "And while I think 'Really Old Guy' is charming, in a neglected-patient kind of way, my name is Charlie. Charlie Yost." Izzie smiles, and her interns laugh; it does certainly appear that they are laughing at her instead of with her.
Mere and Alex show up at the door, as news travels father than staph infections in this hospital. Alex asks if it's true that Really Old Guy woke up. Izzie says snottily, "He has a name." This would be easy, but kind of classic, comedy if it weren't selfish, psychotic Izzie delivering the line. Charlie chimes in, "And tomorrow you can call me Really Dead Guy." Iz examines him, commenting to Alex and Mere that she doesn't think he knows who they are. Charlie gaily corrects, "Sure I do! That's Meredith. She and the brain doctor are always running hot and cold. And you're Alex! You still got a thing for that old patient of yours?" Dude, if you've got to be semi-comatose, this is the place to do it. It's like a 24-hour soap opera for your unconscious entertainment. "I was semi-comatose, Blondie. I could still hear you guys." She orders labs, telling him his kidneys might be working, and he declares, "That means I've got two things to do today. Take a pee, and die." But Izzie tells him she's sure he's not going to die.
Richard comes up to Mark and tells him, "Functional muscle transfer." It's a procedure about which he was reading. Mark translates the Med Speak to explain, "Nerve graft." Then he says it's too risky, while George watches the whole conversation curiously. Richard says her currently planned surgery won't leave her able to talk the same, and that she loves to talk more than anyone. George pipes up and asks what a functional muscle transfer is. Richard tells him he won't find it in any books since it's cutting-edge, and hands him a paper on the subject. They'd move nerves from her leg to tongue. But Mark points out only half a dozen of the procedures have been done. It's all very good cop/bad cop. Chief says sometimes they've got to push the envelope. George, actually a voice of reason, asks why it would be better to do something they've never done before, and asks if they even know how to do it. Richard thinks he's saying they're old dogs who can't learn new tricks. George denies it while they say they still have it and begin conspiring. Mark once did a similar procedure on an elbow. Richard: "Elbow, tongue, that's pretty close!" Despite the fact that elbows don't get stuck to flagposts in the cold, they high-five and decide to go ahead with it, and Richard again asserts that age is just a number. That's what I want -- someone to perform a surgery on me because of a dare.
Apparently the residents have their own lounge, and Callie is using it to be depressed and look at paperwork. Bailey comes in to report that Alex is in the clinic. When Callie only mumbles that this is fine, Bailey eggs her on, saying that she knows Callie likes to be told, so she's telling. Callie won't take the bait and continues to study her papers. Bailey, however, seems determined to rile up her superior, and continues to tattle that Alex tried to dump his intern and clearly isn't interested in teaching. It's kind of a strange character turn; I never would have imagined Bailey as a tattletale. And now I've lost any train of thought I had after that statement, because you try saying the word "tattletale" a few times fast. It and everything else will lose all meaning. Callie just thanks her, and after a moment of staring and deciding if she really wants to stop prodding the sleeping dog, Bailey decides to leave for now.
Mark is researching his Dare Surgery, and Derek joins him, eating a Bowl-o-Something. Mark asks if he ever feels old. Derek: "I'm young. I'm a fetus." Mark means does he think eventually new techniques will pass them by, but Derek maintains his genius status. He tells Mark that Mere hasn't told Cristina about them, but that she tells Cristina everything. It's said in a tone that's lighter than air, which clearly means it's the only thing he can think about. Mark's surprised to hear that Derek didn't end it, and then calls him out -- Derek thinks he and Mere will get back together. "You think she's gonna grow up, and get all whole, and want a relationship!" The insight is very Mark, but the use of "get all whole" seems meant for a different character entirely. Derek is smiling like it's a crazy idea, which means Mark is totally right. Mark tells him he's a bad liar; Derek calls him old.
Cristina sees Meredith coming, and goes from normal to, well, Izzie-Cristina: head in hands, moaning about how sad she is. She asks if Mere is on the complicated-ectomy. Mere confirms it, and by way of response Cristina moans about being in the pit with her dumb interns. Then Cristina sighs dramatically, wishing she could catch a break. Mere asks if they're ever going to talk about Burke. With how close they are, it's a bit of a stretch to think Meredith hasn't caught on immediately to the act, as she herself knows it's not about them talking. Cristina tells her basically that, but better: "I'm not Izzie. I'm not going to lie on the bathroom floor all day." Then she remembers that she sounds too assertive and that "Izzie" is what she's going for, and says she'll lie there, putting her head gently down on the counter. Mere says she'll trade the surgery and take Cristina's interns in the ER. Cristina weakly asks Mere if she's sure; she is. Once Meredith leaves, Alex calls Cristina on being a big fat faker. Cristina says dryly that she's not pretending, and cocks her head to say, "Me so sad." He says maybe he should try that so that Mere will take his new intern, but Cristina snaps, "Hey, sad is mine. Go find your own pretend emotion."
Charlie hollers for "Bloooondiiiiieeee!" She looks fed up and drags herself into his room, ever the professional. You'd think she'd stop neglecting him now that he's awake enough to call her on her bullshit. Wait: you wouldn't think that, because that's how anyone other than Izzie would act. I used to be a very strong Izzie defender, but I'm over it. She's a self-righteous, selfish bitch who is actually dangerous to have in a hospital. And in actual real life, she's no fun to watch in any way at all. The way I get through an episode is to let my eyes glaze over and think about things like raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens so I can stay in my happy place when she's onscreen. She actually yells at him that she's busy, and he demands lobster for his last meal. She denies the request because he's not dying. He says a man can only hold on for so long. "After that it's not worth it." This gets her attention. She asks about friends and family but they're all dead, or almost dead. He tells her she'll understand right now, and that she's naïve, which she denies. "You and what's-his-face? That's not naïve?" Forget Bailey, forget a dripping McSteamy wrapped in the tiniest towel ever manufactured, Charlie is my new very favorite character. She laughs and denies it, then asks if he really knows about the situation. Well, we've already established that he heard everything that went on. Given your ridiculous bouts of melodrama, Izzie, I'm certain he knows. He says that she's crazy if she thinks George is leaving his wife -- that guys always say that. She haughtily tells him this is different. "Oh sure, it's true love!" he says dreamily. Where has he been for the last ten episodes or so? Oh, that's right. Semi-comatose. He says he's sure George has told his wife, moved out, and their friends all know. Izzie's clearly getting pissed. He then demands lobster again -- the real thing.
Mere walks up to Lexie in the ER and initiates a conversation for the first time since Lexie arrived, saying she's filling in, and then asks how it's going. Lexie declares, "I just pulled a splinter out of a guy's toe, and now I'm writing about it." It's the stuff dreams are made of. Mere says okay. "If you have any questions..." Lexie tells her she's got a lot, but none are about the splinter. Meredith actually sounds like she might be willing to answer, but is saved by the paramedics rushing in with a car accident victim. He's got no vital signs, and they couldn't intubate. Mere asks how long he's been down. She then calls Lexie over and asks if she knows how to do the procedure. Lexie's only seen it done and is clearly terrified, but Meredith tells her to do it now. She calmly talks Lexie through it while Lexie panics that she can't. Meredith tells her that she can, as Nameless Victim continues to go downhill.
Lexie stares at now-dead Nameless Victim. Meredith tells her it wasn't bad for her first try, and Lexie thinks it's a joke, since he died. Meredith tells her that the guy was dead on the scene, and when Lexie insists he was brought in for them to save him, Mere corrects her that he was brought in because legally the paramedics have to do so. Lexie is appalled that she seems to not care at all, and at Meredith's insistence that they did everything they could do, Lexie demands, "What kind of doctor are you?" A dark and twisty one, Lex, haven't you heard? Meredith counters to ask what all of this is about. They stare-off, and Mere tells Lexie that if she doesn't want to learn from her, she should go to the clinic.
George has a bunch of pictures propped up. My thought process went something like, "What is that? That sure is weird formatti-- AAAAAAUGH those are tongues! Not attached to anything!" They're going to have to start running vomit warnings for people like me who tend to eat dinner while they're watching. He's researching the surgery, which is a perfect time for Izzie to plop down to him and explain how Charlie's giving her a hard time and saying George isn't going to leave Callie, but that's totally not true, right? Right? She says that they're in it together, and that he's going to tell Callie tonight. After a moment waiting for confirmation that doesn't come, she says his name and George just turns to tell her he's got research to do. She freaks out that he's not going to do it, and he calmly and very exasperatedly points out that, yesterday, she didn't want him to say anything. Izzie gets mad, and storms out. I really think she's become one of the most hateable, unwatchable characters currently on television.
Norman happily reports to Mrs. Chapman that her son isn't on drugs, but rather than relieved, she looks confused to have been wrong. Norman is happy, and tells her that her son is "fine," which causes Bailey to look up and watch the events unfolding with some degree of worry on her face. Mrs. Chapman insists that this isn't like her son. Alex says they should run more tests, but Norman interrupts to say he's just being a teenager. Hunter replies, "You have apple hair. I threw a pancake in the river. A pancake!" As he examines Hunter, Alex asks him if he knows what he said, and he's not sure, but he was just trying to say he wanted to go home. Alex orders a full neurological exam.
George is examining Connie, who is clearly terrified, as her friends assure her everything will be okay. She asks what if it doesn't work and says, crying, that it's her last chance to talk. Elaine tells her to say whatever it is now, which earns her a slap from Joanne for being morbid; Joanne assures her again that it'll be fine. She wants Connie to have no regrets, which clearly catches George's attention, but despite her assurances, Connie balks. George then blurts, "You should tell them." He then says that he knows sometimes things don't go how you'd like, so if she has anything to say, she should. I can already tell this is going to be really great advice and that no one at all is going to regret it. Connie turns straight to Jo and tells her she has to stop wearing those pants. Jo's taken aback. "They make your ass look like two puppies are struggling to get out." She then says all Joanne's pants are too tight, and begs her to buy new ones. "And Elaine, your breath is godawful." She quantifies it by saying she knows Elaine's got good hygiene, so she needs to see a doctor about it. She also tells her to get a new hairstyle as the eighties have come and gone. Is it mean to say she's not wrong? Elaine's got an auburn frizzy-perm look similar to one I sported through sixth grade, complete with it being held half-up with a clip. Unfortunately, there really was a time for that look, but very, very fortunately, it isn't now. George is watching, clearly not having expected this. Her friends look stunned.
Izzie been called in to Charlie's room, where he's pulling off all of his monitors, and Izzie has the only reaction she does to anything anymore -- exasperation He says he's sick and tired of waiting, and she counters that she's sick and tired of going to his room every five minutes. He wants to help his death along, so finally, pissed that she's got to attend to an unhappy patient, she yells that she'll help. She begins pulling more monitors off and yanking cords, all the while yelling at him about how none of it seems to be helping him die. On a roll with her self-righteous, sarcastic rant, she doesn't notice that Charlie's gone silent until Ubiquitous Male Nurse tells her so, and they jump into action as Charlie codes. (If he wanted to die so much, why didn't he sign a DNR form? Oh, that's right, then he couldn't be Izzie's Lesson Angel of the week.) She's terrified: "I swear to God I didn't do anything." More's the pity, because surely with her record this latest peccadillo would get her booted.
They shock Charlie, and after the second shock they get him back. Izzie calls his name and he begs, "Stop saving my life!" She rolls her eyes at...his lack of gratitude? I guess she was expecting "Thanks for your mean, condescending sarcasm. It made me really feel like I had something to live for after all."
George is helping wheel Connie into surgery; she can't believe she said all that she did. To his credit, George looks fairly guilty about it all. She asks if he thinks she hurt their feelings too badly and if they'll forgive her, and then grabs him and accuses him, "You told me to!" And that he said it would be okay. "I'm REALLY sorry." Kind of a Band-Aid on a knife wound there, George.
Lexie reports to Bailey, saying Mere sent her down there, and an unamused Bailey asks why. "Truthfully? She didn't want to work with me anymore. She kicked me out." Bailey tells her to go back and tell Mere the clinic is not a dumping ground. "We are not the Island of Broken Interns." Aw, with a reference like that, now I can just imagine Bailey secretly settling in to watch Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer with some hot cocoa every December. Lexie goes after Bailey and begs her to not have to do that, saying she can't work with Meredith. "I can't work with her because I can't look at her. She hates me, she hates my dad, she obviously hated my mother, and I am...please." I know she's hurt, but I do think that's unfair. Does Lexie think that Meredith actually chose to kill her mother? Because if that's the case, then she should be saying something stronger. To the cops and the medical board. She begs, and Bailey sends her off to do stitches.
Derek runs into the CT room to ask Alex what's up, and he brings him up to speed. Derek sees Norman and introduces himself; when Norm says he's from The Best University In The Universe, Derek muses that he thought he knew all the guys there, and needs to have it explained that Norm is an intern. He welcomes Norm with a handshake -- it should be noted that he maybe comes up to Norm's shoulder, which I find hilarious for the guy who fancies himself the Big Man on Campus. They look at the scan and it seems Hunter's got hydrocephalus, which is pushing against something and screwing up his speech. Norm comments again how sure he was that it was drugs, but "that's what happens when you're a pharmacist for 30 years, you're sure that everybody's hooked on pills or reefer." And you haven't gotten outside, apparently, or turned on a television, because we've got a brand-new, cutting-edge term: "pot." Derek says they'll put in a shunt; Alex tells Norm to book an OR and he'll go talk to Hunter and his mom. When he leaves, Alex comments that Norm can't shut up, even with patients. Derek points out that Alex is his resident, and Alex says he knows, but it would be like yelling at his grandfather.
Cristina walks up to Izzie, saying she heard about Really Old Guy. "What's the matter, couldn't find his LVAD wire?" The awesomeness of this barb has made me completely unable to come up with any sort of further remark or compliment. In fact, I'm bowing to her paused face on my TV right now. Izzie says it was a coincidence and that he lived, but Cristina clearly doesn't care and saucily heads off to do the tongue surgery.
Heading down the stairs at that moment, Mere sees it all. Iz jumps up to ask if George has said anything, and Mere ignores it to say that Cristina's been faking. Christmas really has come early with all of this complete disregard for Izzie. She says she's got her own problems, so she has no time for them and their fake drama. Well, at least she and Cristina have a functional relationship with each other, Iz.
Charlie complains that it was impolite to not let him die, and Izzie mutters that in a hospital it's a lawsuit. And she should definitely know. He glares and tells her, "I don't like you." Oh, get in the back of a Disneyland-in-the-middle-of-summer-length line, Charlie. She snarks, "Oh really? Because I thought we were BFFs." I don't think she should be so cavalier with the only person who seems to give a crap about anything she has to say. He says that for that, he's dying right now, and screws up his face, but it's not working, and Izzie notes it. After thinking a moment, she asks if he really thinks George won't leave his wife. Charlie replies that if a person wants to do something -- like die -- they do it. If he had a different doctor, he might have a different outlook on life. She grits her teeth, and for some inexplicable reason he seems to feel bad, and tells her that maybe he's wrong and there's hope that they'll end up happy. She declares that he's not dying on her watch.
Bailey barges back into the lounge to report that Cristina and Mere are "playing musical chairs with the interns." Callie clearly couldn't care less. Bailey says she thought Callie might want to know, mentioning the Grey Family Feud, but Callie can't be bothered to look up. Without waiting for a response, Bailey says she thinks it would be best if residents stayed with their own interns, and Callie cuts her off that she got it. Bailey finally asks what's really been bugging her: "You planning to hide out in here all day long? Or you plan to emerge at some point and do your job?" Callie: "Why would I come out there to do my job when you clearly do it so much better?" I'd like to say Callie told her, but...I think Bailey does do it better. Callie says she's doing paperwork to avoid fighting with anyone today. Bailey seems to want to say something, but just heads out.
Oh FOR THE LOVE, I don't need to see Connie's bloody open mouth during her surgery! But it seems to be going well, and Mark comments that at this rate, Richard will be able to go on his date with Adele. Richard says he'd better, as she won't take him back if he cancels their "first date." George asks where he's taking her, and he answers, but then he and Mark put down their instruments and stare. There's a lot of "Uuuuumm." George asks if everything is okay, and Mark says he isn't sure. When George asks what that means, we get the Ominous Promo Line Of The Week: "It means we've never done this before." Cue the dramatic staring.
Mark and Richard each throw out options for what they could do, but none of them are greeted with enthusiasm. Mark says it might not work after all, but Richard reminds him how much Connie loves to talk. Mark then admits, "We need an extra set of hands. Someone who knows nerves." Richard seems more willing to say his actual name than Mark is, and tells George to page Derek.
Derek's musing about the surgery to George, who reports that for a while it had been looking really good. Derek seems rather exasperated at the pickle in which Mark and Richard find themselves. Speaking of exasperating situations, George says he'll be right there, and pops into the room where Izzie is moping. She's pissed, throws up her hands, and wonders what there is to say. "I'm Blondie. I'm the other woman. I'm a bad fifties cliché." George stops her from leaving on this dramatic, pathetic pronouncement, and closes the door. He then delivers my favorite line since this whole ridiculous romance started: "We're not in this together." She's mighty offended but he stops her, telling her she doesn't get to be mad. Which of course makes her mad, but here at home, my heart is feeling warm and toasty. He yells at her that there's no "we," since he is the one who has to tell Callie. "I'm the one who has to destroy her. This is not about you and me. This is about her and me." I have no idea where George suddenly got this perspective and emotional maturity, but he should really tap into it more often. And give it to Izzie if she's ever going to be a watchable character again. He explains that he is the one "ending a marriage to a wonderful woman." Now he remembers how great she is? "It's not something you just blurt out. It's not." Having no filter about what to say or when to say it, Izzie's confused by the concept. He says he will do it, but Izzie has to back off. She apologizes; oh, if only she meant it.
Bailey exclaims to Mere's back, "You traded a [tongue surgery I can't spell] for the pit." She says it's a long story, and Bailey points out that it ends with her fobbing Lexie off. Mere explains about the intubation on a dead guy, pointing out that Bailey used to do the very same thing to them. She adds that whatever Lexie said isn't true. Bailey answers that what Lexie said is that Mere hated her and her mother, which Meredith vehemently denies as Bailey goes on to remind her that Lexie's mother came to Mere with hiccups and ended up dying. Meredith just says she's not her intern. Bailey cries, "No, she's your sister!" She goes on to say that Mere hasn't had anything nice to say since Lexie got there, and between that and Mere being her mom's doctor, what should Bailey think? I get where she's going, but I maintain that it's a stretch for Lexie to just assume that Meredith hated her mom. An understandable idea from a hurt girl, yes, but still a stretch. "Whether you like it or not your job is to help that girl be a better doctor. So help her." She's paged and runs off, leaving Meredith alone to sigh.
Izzie runs up to her nurse after getting a page, and is told that Charlie has checked himself out. Izzie whines that he can't leave, because he's sick and also because she got him lobster. I hope this isn't supposed to make us sympathize with her.
Alex runs into the clinic after being paged to find Hunter on the floor. The kid is in awful shape with a blown pupil, so Alex calls for Shepherd. They put him back in the bed as the mom demands to know what's happening. Alex asks Bailey what to do, and she has to admit she doesn't know. Since Derek's not responding to pages, Alex runs to find him in the ER. He explains what's going on and Derek orders, "Okay, you need to do exactly what I say or that kid's going to be dead in the ten minutes. Can you do that?" Alex says he can, and Derek tells him to get the biggest needle he can find. The very idea gets me limbering up for the fetal position.
Alex sprints back in and finds a needle; Mrs. Chapman continues to demand what's up. He finally thinks to have her removed, despite Norm saying she should be told what's going on since she's the boy's mother. As they leave, Bailey asks what he's doing, and he instructs her to hold Hunter's head -- Shepherd told him what to do.
I have to admit right now that I didn't watch this scene the first time I watched the episode, and I didn't exactly watch it the second time. At least there was less horrified screaming from me and my friend the second time. I saw Alex go for Hunter's eye, I remembered the phrase "biggest needle you can find," and I turned and started studying things in my apartment and realizing that I really need to dust. On first viewing, I turned around after a moment, thinking they weren't really going to show it -- it would surely be a close-up of Alex's worried face, right? I got treated to a tongue depressor holding up Hunter's eyelid. At which point I buried my face into the sleeping cat on my couch, hoping the purring would take me to a happier place. From what I can tell from the aftermath, the fluid was drained, Alex did a good job, and Hunter will be fine. The End.
I really was in a happier place -- a purring cat can do that for you -- until my inner peace was broken by Izzie's voice. It's horrifying in its own way, although very different from anything involving needles and eyeballs. She walks into Charlie's room where he's sitting in a wheelchair in street clothes, looking out the window. To his back, she sincerely asks him not to go. She says she knows he thinks his life is over and he doesn't have anyone. But his life isn't over and he has her. Run, Charlie! She admits that she doesn't think George is going to leave Callie, and says she needs Charlie's advice. Charlie hasn't moved the whole time, through this impassioned speech, because rather than listen to Izzie, he has chosen to pass away. She just mutters, "Crap," and sits down on his bed.
Mrs. Chapman can't believe that all this time Hunter had been telling her the truth. I'm glad they had a near-death experience to bring the trust back to their relationship. Alex explains what they'll do now and that Hunter will be okay, then heads over to Norm. He apologizes for yelling but Bailey overhears him, and orders, "Don't apologize to him!" Norm begins to agree but she cuts him off immediately: "Shut up Norman, I'm not talking to you." She turns to Alex and says that Norm was getting in his way all day, and that when an intern gets in a resident's way, they aren't doing what's best for the patient. She adds that they nearly misdiagnosed Hunter because of Norm, and that he should be yelled at. As she turns to walk away and let the verbal beating sink in, Alex mutters, "Dr. Bailey, he's as old as the hills." She asserts that she doesn't care and that "interns are basically teenagers." She yells that they're hard on them, not for fun but because it's life and death and because they need to learn. "There's a reason why we have a pecking order in a hospital. It saves lives." But come on, isn't it still just a little bit fun? She leaves so that Alex can ponder.
Mark and Richard are scrubbing out, and Mark declares, "That woman's going to be able to talk for the rest of her life thanks to us!" Richard adds, "I think I still got it!" Mark gives him a verbal slap on the back: "I think you do too." The camera has panned over during this little party to show Derek not smiling. Mark then mentions that the only thing left to do is to figure out what the Chief should say to his wife. Mark's advice is to not admit he wants to move back in: "It reeks of desperation." Finally, Derek can't contain himself any longer and tells them that they're kidding themselves, that Connie almost lost her tongue, never to speak again. "Oh yeaaaah, couple cowboys in there!" He adds that they had no business doing that surgery, and then grins. It's a very McDreamy grin -- like I said before, he's doing a good job of trying to earn back the moniker. "Lucky I came in when I did. Shame on you! And shame on you! As for Adele, tell her you can't imagine your life without her. Tell her for the last month you've been walking around this hospital at night just thinking about her. Tell her the truth. Sorry I called you an idiot." Clearly, however, it's easier for Derek to dish out advice than to take any of it himself. But at least these two guys seem properly chastised.
Mere decides to try to out-Cristina Cristina. She catches her in the hall and links arms, and says sensitively that she's been thinking about Cristina being sad and she wants to help. Cristina too quickly asks if Mere has another surgery, but Meredith declares that that's not what she needs. Meredith instead offers her time, and suggests they go home, get into pajamas, and talk all night long. Cristina is as horrified as if Meredith had just suggested they go skipping through a field of daisies with a basket full of kittens. Meredith adds one more important step: "And cry! Cry," she says seriously. Cristina pulls away, knowing that Meredith knows. Meredith confirms, "You're damn right I know, surgery-stealer." Cristina's comeback is, "So? Person who's sleeping with Derek." Meredith can't believe it and demands to know how Cristina knows. It's because she has eyes, Mere. Cristina doesn't bother to point this out and instead just asks, "What, you think I'm too fragile to handle your sex life?" But despite the fact that it didn't line up with the person she should know Cristina is, Meredith was trying to help, and she points out, "Well, he did leave you at the altar. And I'm your person." Cristina straightens Mere out by reminding her that protecting her isn't how to be her person. "That's not what we do. You know that." She says she doesn't need to be taken care of, and Mere agrees, but warns that Cristina owes her a surgery. Cristina searches for a comeback and then demands, "Yeah? Well you owe me...sex details." The continued awesomeness of their relationship does help to make up for the awfulness that is some of the others currently on the show. Alex then walks past them to segue into the scene, asking, "Are we doing this or not?"
"This" is gathering in Formerly Really Old, Now Really Dead Guy's room. George runs in last, and Alex sneers at him. The Fab Five gather around the bed; it appears Izzie has gathered them for a memorial. She implores each of them to say something nice -- as he wasn't conscious for 99.9% of their relationship, these things include not complaining, taking his meds, living through twelve surgeries, and, courtesy of Alex, hardly ever farting. Once they've gone around the circle, Izzie says her own piece. She announces that Charlie was a mean, stubborn bastard. That might have been because his doctor was a bitch, I don't know. But she adds, "He knew what he wanted and proved if you want something badly and are determined and patient enough, eventually it will happen." So, she's using a memorial to a dead guy to send a message to George, since he stopped her from talking to him about it normally. I'd say this might even be more egregious than using an interrupted wedding to send a message to the best man. But because she's Izzie, this all gives her hope, so she thanks Charlie and says goodbye, and they all stare at bed.
We must be coming to a close, because here is Omnipresent Meredith Voice-Over. "The truth...is painful." George is in with Connie as she wakes up, and tells her that her surgery was successful. But with just her eyes, she asks after her friends, and George has to admit he hasn't seen them. At that very moment, however, Joanne and Eileen bust in with flowers and balloons, nervously asking if she's okay. Once they learn she is and that she'll talk again, they decide it's time to deliver a little bit of truth on their own -- namely, that her first husband was handsy, and her second husband was ugly. Oh, girls, if he's her ex-husband, my guess is she already knew that.
VO: "Deep down, nobody wants to hear it, especially when it hits close to home." The queen of Not Wanting To Hear It, Meredith, approaches an angry Lexie. She explains that she's got her mom's death note, which is an account of everything that happened that day, and which Meredith wrote. She explains that she'd like to go over it with Lexie if it's okay, and Lexie looks confused, but nods. She starts by gently telling her about how every single thing that happened only had a 1% chance of happening and then, before she goes on, adds, "For what it's worth, I was very fond of your mother. She was...I was very fond of her." Lexie looks at her, and as Mere begins to explain again, Lexie tears up. It's a really nice moment both between the sisters and in memory of Bonnie, about whose death I'm definitely still mad. This is what made you, Grey's, moments like these! More of this, less of George and Izzie, please. Especially Izzie.
To lead us gracefully into the scene, Meredith's voice explains, "Sometimes we tell the truth, because the truth is all we have to give." Bailey decides to suck it up and give Callie the truth, albeit haltingly. "I've been having trouble. With this whole pecking order of things." She explains she's used to being number one, but as she's not now, she'll be the best number two ever, and that they'll be a team. "Because...look, girl, you seem to be having a hard time." What tipped her off? The sitting alone in a darkened room all day? Bailey says she's having a hard time too, but that they can do it together. Callie looks relieved and nods happily as they share their awkward, alpha-female bonding moment.
VO: "Sometimes we tell the truth because we need to say it out loud to really hear it for ourselves." Alex and Lexie are in the elevator at the same time again; wouldn't it be funny if these two somehow started a romantic entanglement somewhere down the line? I'm sure it won't happen, and it's just uncanny that they do all of their floor-to-floor traveling together. Some other interns get in and again are fawning all over George, and Alex can't take it any more. Cruelly, he announces that George is so good at this because he's repeating his intern year, and "If you wanna learn from someone, really, really learn, go to a resident. Not this dude." Satisfied, he leans back while George's humiliation seeps from every one of his pores. Embarrassed, he stammers that Alex is right, and that they definitely shouldn't emulate him. Lexie looks terribly sad -- I guess Alex shouldn't quite count on any supply-room antics with her now, at least for a while. Norm turns to him and opens his mouth, but Alex demands, "What the hell are you looking at?" He then turns to Lexie and laughs, "Interns." It's quite a poor job of reading his audience, as she's clearly angry.
VO: "And sometimes, we tell them, because we owe them, at least that much." George gets home to Callie, and after a moment of staring, she tells him to just say it. There's a silent few beats, and he announces quietly, "I slept with Izzie." Callie manages to stay mostly composed while her eyes show everything just turning to dust on the inside, and we go to black.