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When I saw the promo for this week's episode, it looked like everyone was gawking at an x-ray showing something stuck up someone's private bits. At the time, I thought it looked kind of like a phone cord. It turns out I was very, very wrong, and it was in fact a carnivorous fish. And the privates in which it was lodged belong to the head of the hospital board, a.k.a. the Most Powerful Decider of Who Will Be Chief. It turns out that he wants Richard to remain as Chief, so I can only hope that comes to pass so that we don't lose him from the show. They get the fish out, and he's okay, but by the time it's over, he's dumped by his assistant/secret girlfriend as well as his wife, Mrs. Leery (formerly of Dawson's Creek). Because working with someone you're in love with, who isn't your spouse, will only end badly. Oh yes, the anvils, they are a-droppin', as George and Izzie are learning this lesson at the very same time. They seem to be getting along fine until Callie seeks out Izzie and actually begs her to let Callie have George back. Izzie turns cold toward George, and between that and his having to attend to his patient's wife and girlfriend, he realizes that this isn't going to work and inquires about transferring to Mercy West from Seattle Grace. Not wanting to be left out, Derek and Meredith are having relationship problems, too. She tries to be chipper and pretend nothing is wrong while he broods, and he finally tells her he's not sure if he can be with her after the whole drowning/not swimming incident. He forgets to mention, however, the detail that he might not be appointed Chief if they stay together. In the midst of all of the couple problems, Burke tries to get Cristina to choose a flavor for their wedding cake, all of the interns are studying for their intern exams (wait, after three seasons we might wrap up a calendar year on this show? NO!), Bailey beats herself up for missing a patient's correct diagnosis, Crush has her baby in an emergency C-section, and Alex and Addison have sex in the on-call room. You might think that would have belonged up with the couple updates, but Alex doesn't, and he rather bluntly breaks it to Addison later that the sex doesn't mean they're a couple. As it turns out, neither are she and Mark, since he saw her stumble out of the on-call room with post-sex hair. So Addison is left kind of confused and adrift, and I wonder if this is going to make her think about possibly leaving for a warmer and drier climate south of Seattle? We'll have to wait and see. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously on Grey's Anatomy, George and Izzie had The Amazingly Great Sex but are keeping it their little secret, Addie tells Mark to go 60 days without sex, the residents are vying for Chief Resident, the Chief of Surgery is retiring, Derek's not sure if he can be chief and be with Meredith, Crush picks a face and then yells at Alex that her name isn't Ava. Well, duh; it's Crush, silly. And wow, was that a chock-full "previously on."
The five interns are gathered at Burke and Cristina's, studying in a sort of frantic game-show style. Out of the hospital, the four all look great, including big, glossy hair on all of the girls. I take a bit of issue with the puff-sleeved t-shirt on Cristina, but overall they get an A for appearance. While they shout questions and answers at one another, Burke works behind them in the kitchen. Mere's voice-over starts the Theme of the Week: "As interns, we know what we want. To become surgeons. And we'll do anything to get there. Suffer through killer exams, endure 100-hour weeks, stand for hours on end in operating rooms. You name it, we'll do it."
Burke's puttering in the kitchen is actually him slicing cake, which makes him totally look like a mom preparing a snack for the high-school study group. He comes over and tries to feed a bite to Cristina, who is arguing that she's preparing for the biggest exam of her intern career. Burke puts the cake in Cristina's mouth as Izzie yells at them to ask her a question. She's stumped, and they all try and look for answers; Cristina unconvincingly says it's yummy and shoos Burke away to participate in the guessing. George gives Izzie some inside joke (to do with snot, yum) and she gets it. Cristina is immediately put out, assuming he's using "the wife's cards." She explains that Callie was #1 in her year after this test because of the phenomenal flashcards that she made. Izzie and George just say that they're "independently brilliant" and a "dream team." Burke tries to feed Cristina a bite of lemon cake, which makes her cringe. She and Alex both answer the question, and Cristina wants Burke to break the tie. He tells her, "Learn to care or I'll get another bride." The others all look mildly uncomfortable, but she just waves him away saying she loves all cake, and he tells them Alex had the right answer. It's so sweet, how they love being petty and dismissive of one another. My heart is warmed. There are gooey, happy shots of each intern as Meredith continues, "The tough part, though, is reconciling this huge thing we want, to be surgeons, with everything else we want."
On cue, the other thing known as McDreamy walks through the hospital doors and she trots to catch up with him. She remarks that she hasn't seen him in a few days, sounding more cheerful than I would if my boyfriend didn't seem too happy to see me. She starts to talk so fast that Derek can't get a word in edgewise, telling him she's ready for him to stop stopping hovering. Tellingly, he replies that she was right and he shouldn't, but it turns out that she's missing the hovering, and promises to communicate more with him. He seems doubtful that she can do this, but also finally gives her a genuine smile for the first time. She narrates that she's about to get on the elevator and do rounds. Once she's on said elevator, though, the doors close so she can't see his face once again go solemn.
Mark and Addie get on a different elevator. He's counting down excitedly until the final 28 days are done in their sex bet. She cuts off his rhapsodizing, which clearly pours some cold water on his enthusiasm. She promises she'll be happy when they get "to the finish line." As the doors open and Mark turns to leave, he replies, "Just making sure you haven't lost interest in the project." She assures him not at all, and he's glad, but neither seems very sincere, and he actually seems somewhat insecure, which seems to be a new feeling for him. The doors close so that this time her face can go stony. Stay away from those elevators, they're smile-killers today.
Burke sets up a bunch of little cakes on the table in the conference room, complete with little place cards to announce each flavor. He tells Cristina she needs to pick that day so that they can tell the bakery. I guess deadlines mean a date has been set? Cristina thinks this all means he's turning into a girl, but Izzie thinks it's sweet. And hey, if he doesn't do it, clearly it won't get done, so someone's got to step up and be the girl. Alex digs in, while Mere frets about if she should take Derek a piece, like a good girlfriend. I have to say that for someone who previously was so worried about the mental state of his girlfriend, it's pretty dicky for him to be giving her the cold shoulder so that she has to start fretting about if she's doing everything right, especially since she finally seemed to have gotten to a better mental place. At this moment she's guessing that good girlfriends bring their men cake and communicate, but Alex assures her that the best girlfriends just keep that all to themselves. Cristina declares no cake for George since he hasn't brought Callie's flashcards. Bailey comes in and eyes the cakes, but is able to tear herself away for long enough to inform them they won't be scrubbing in for surgery since they'll need to study like crazy until their exams in two weeks. Cristina and Meredith get assigned to scut, Izzie and George get the clinic with Bailey, and Alex gets assigned again to Crush, who he tries to pawn off on someone else, but one quick Bailey glare shuts him up. She then nonchalantly takes one of the cakes, picks it up, and leaves.
George and Izzie are left in the room alone where they congratulate each other on being totally fine and able to study, hang out, and work together while they are just fine. Really extra, truly, super-duper FINE. Izzie grandly declares that they've made a mistake and moved on, and they verbally pat themselves on the back a while longer until George leaves. Once he's gone, Izzie takes a giant forkful of cake and shoves it in her mouth, because if TV has taught us nothing else, it's taught us that cake is the number-one choice of food for sexually frustrated women.
Richard finds Bailey and tells her Larry Jennings just checked in. I'll save you the suspense and jump forward to when he exposits that Larry is the chairman of the hospital board. They don't know what's wrong with him, other than that he cut short a vacation to come in, and his assistant called it a "matter of utmost discretion." He wants Bailey in charge and discreet, and when she protests about needing to work in the clinic, he orders her to delegate. As if on cue, just then, Sydney comes bopping up to them to answer the Chief's page. Bailey's face clearly says, "Oh HELL no."
Alex grudgingly reports to Crush's room, and, beacon of maturity that he is, ignores Crush except for terse, impersonal answers to her questions. When he said he was getting his assignment, she asks, "Anything as good as a crazily hormonal pregnant amnesiac with a tendency to yell at their own people?" Instead of accepting this cute invitation to an apology, he remarks that her blood pressure is high. She finally asks if they aren't friends any more, and points out that if not, she's not going to tell him about Addie and McSteamy's sex bet. She goes on about them formerly being "a thing," and Alex finally asks how she knows all of this. "I'm on bed rest five feet from the nurses' station and I have excellent hearing. I know everything. It's like watching a soap! Do you know how many doctors in this hospital Nurse Olivia has slept with? Oh wait, who am I talking to. You're one of them." It was at this moment that I officially decided I like this girl. Also, I wish I'd had as much entertaining gossip during my own hospital stays. Real life is far too boring. She tells him she advises him to make his move, or she would if they were friends. Alex still isn't really biting, just puts the cuff on her arm and remarks that it's fine if Addie wants to be with Sloane. Exasperated, Crush explains to him, "If she wanted to be with Sloane she'd be with Sloane!" Boys, it's true. We're actually pretty simple like that.
Richard is walking Bailey towards the chairman's room, expositing that he's the main guy who has a say in who becomes Chief, and that's why he doesn't want the residents to know that he's a patient. Naturally, this leads to them turning the corner to find the four candidates lying in wait, and they begin to pepper him with questions. Behind them, a very attractive woman with a great British accent greets the Chief. She's Celeste, Larry's assistant, and shows him to the door. He tries to shoo the residents, but Addison yells out, "We can help!" Burke scoffs at this, and when she bristles, he points out, "He doesn't have any woman parts." Touché. They finally admit they'll only come back when he's gone, so, defeated, he lets them all follow him in. And who knew Skinner was the chairman of the hospital board? Who knows what kind of intrigue could lie ahead? He's pissed that Richard wasn't as discreet as he would have liked, and that the residents are vultures, but finally throws the gauntlet. "One of you wants to be the new chief? Fix this. You've got my vote." He unzips his pants and drops them with a flourish, and the camera angle is from between his legs to show the shocked reaction of all of the doctors. As for much of America, something additional also popped into view at the top of my screen, and for a little while I thought ABC had pulled a great joke on the viewers and let in a glimpse of Skinner Junior for a giggle. But I am here to do the hard research for you, and once I watched it in slo-mo and paused the frame, it turns out it's just his head as he bends down. (His other head.) Not that I really wanted to see Little Skinner, but I still would have found it hilarious. Back in the shot we were supposed to be paying attention to, everyone looks horrified, and Skinner adds, "And no, those are not grapefruits." Addie excuses herself after all, with relief on her face, and the rest just continue to stare.
Bailey examines Skinner and notes that he hasn't been able to pee for three days. Call me crazy, but don't you think he would have gotten to a doctor along about, say, day two? Maybe that's just me. The docs all muse about what it could be, and Burke helpfully asks if he's had any recent testicular trauma. Illustrating with hand motions, he asks, "Twisting?" Mark scoffs, "You'd have to tie them in a triple knot to get that kind of fluid buildup." In response to their looks askance, he adds, "Am I wrong?" And really, are any of you questioning any sort of kinky sex expertise that McSteamy is giving? Turns out Skinner was taking a two-week raft trip on the Amazon, and they continue to throw out ideas until he whines, "Well, now they're just guessing, Richard!" in the tone of a kid who doesn't want to eat his vegetables. Richard sends Bailey to order tests and asks about Skinner's wife, but he hasn't told her yet, not wanting to worry her "unless he has to." Mark obtusely sounds surprised, asking if she wasn't with him, and Skinner just rolls his eyes.
Addison has found something more delicious than grapefruit-sized genitalia, and that's an array of sample cakes. Alex comes in as she's debating what flavor to try, and tells her about Crush's high blood pressure. Turns out she's pre-eclamptic, and he suggests an epidural to lower her BP. He then pauses and asks if he's going overboard, but Addie just replies, "Believe me, I wish I had someone that cared that much about my blood pressure." He tells her, "Yeah, well, from what I hear, in 28 days you will." I get that this has never been an entirely normal workplace, and that the relationship between these two has been a little bit strange and sexually infused, but do you really tell your boss you know about her sex bet? Methinks this falls firmly on the "in" side of "inappropriate."
In the clinic, George and Izzie are treating a guy who has an everlasting runny nose, describing himself rather aptly as "like the most disgusting fountain in the world." He's clearly really tired of being sick, but good-natured and nice. Izzie sadly tells him he has to just wait it out, but he explains that this time he can't do that, on account of him dating a girl he's crazy about, and with whom he wants to finally seal the deal. She assures him that someone who really likes him would wait, but he assures Izzie that she doesn't understand. "Have you ever met someone where the attraction is so intense you thought it may just kill you?" Oh, there's anvils in them there snot. The guy goes on and on about his skin feeling like it's on fire since they want to touch so badly, and Izzie mercifully cuts him off. George forges ahead that he'll do something while Izzie listens to his chest, which is an excuse for him to not finish that sentence because he's staring at his would-be soulmate's bodacious rack. Because, you know, They Can't Help Their Feelings. Sigh.
Mere and Cristina are studying in the hall. When Cristina sees Callie, she gripes about George getting the cards, theorizing that maybe that's why he married her. Mere looks up and sarcastically agrees. Cristina declares that she needs the cards, but Meredith tells her they don't, and forges ahead with quizzing Cristina. Turns out she's quizzing thin air since Cristina has leapt up to talk to Callie. She tries to bribe her with cake and sugary compliments -- well, she's not very good at doing that sincerely, so it's more like Splenda-flavored compliments. Callie doesn't miss a beat in telling her she's not getting the cards.
George runs up to Bailey to find out why he paged her, clearly wishing for a surgery. Unfortunately for him, she only paged him to ask how things were going in the clinic. Because she can't let go. WE GET IT, ALREADY. Come on, in the past this show used to be so much better with subtlety. But I guess that was lost with the George and Izzie Magical Love, alas. George stutters, and Celeste saves him by breaking in. Once alone with Bailey, she quietly explains that she'll need to be tested for whatever Skinner might have, so Bailey just as quietly has George page Addison.
Down in the Clinic of True Wuv, Sydney asks Izzie how things are going, and she says she's discharging Runny Nose Guy. Sydney is having none of that, and chirpily informs her that they need to be all about patient care, taking some well-aimed shots at Bailey and implying that she only cares about the clinic so that she'll become chief resident. She orders Izzie to do a nasal lavage on the guy, which she promises will be "restorative." She sends her back while chirping, "Rinse and repeat! Rinse and repeat!" How has this girl gotten this far in her career without someone offering to de-chirp her?
In an exam room, Celeste is clearly embarrassed as she tries to tell George and Addie that her situation isn't as sordid as it sounds, and that she and Skinner are in love. "The kind of love you think you're never going to find, and then you do, and the fact that he's married seems a small price to pay for being happy, you know?" She's certainly chosen the right audience for this speech. She goes on, and her façade slips a little bit as she admits she used to feel that way, but now that it's been going on for five years and he's still married, it's not quite so much. She figures they think she's a terrible person, not realizing they're currently standing in the world's most delicate glass house. They assure her very heartily that they don't. She adds that she knows she should leave, but "Do you have any idea how rare it is to find someone you can work and play with? And we love each other. How wrong can it be?"
Richard meanwhile goes back to Skinner's room, and Skinner demands to know what is going on. He explains that the urologist just drained his bladder, which I guess is for the sake of the viewing audience since I would think both Skinner and the urologist were both very aware of what just transpired between them. He then also says the interns will be taking him for tests, but Skinner's not liking that answer. He clarifies, "What are YOU doing for ME." Richard gets all defensive that he's got the best doctors in the world taking care of him, but Skinner wants Richard, the best of the best, to do it himself. He then engages in the age-old male tradition of trying to taunt Richard into doing what he wants. I call it the "chicken" argument. He tries to taunt him into remaining as chief, and when Richard says some things are life are more important, Skinner bluntly reminds him that Adele left and so why not just stay. No one ever said the "chicken" tactic was classy. They snipe back and forth and Skinner finally tells him that he used to be a doctor but now is a politician, and in that case it's best after all that he's stepping down.
Bailey interrupts Mere and Cristina studying for "an 'all hands on deck' situation." They excitedly each guess various large-scale calamities, but Bailey answers, "A penis. The Chairman of the Board's penis." When Mere asks what's wrong, Bailey answers that his testicles are swollen, "Which is... the understatement of the year." Reading that sentence does no justice to the disgust with which it was delivered. Once again, Bailey is awesome. Cristina can't contain her excitement. "Fantastic! How much? No, wait, don't tell me, let it be a surprise." Bailey tells them to take him for an x-ray and scan, and Cristina clarifies, "For the V.I.Penis." Bailey's not laughing, but I am. Because I'm twelve.
The boys are all gathered together and continue to guess what the problem might be. Mark's just glad that no matter what, he'll be the last one in to "make it pretty" and therefore will be the one that Skinner remembers. As he leaves, he remembers to pass on a report from Meredith to Derek on her whereabouts. He mutters to Burke that it's good to know. "Just when I need time to think she starts communicating." Burke asks him what's up, and he mentions not knowing if he can have this relationship and be chief; Burke counters that he has to be explicit with Cristina if he wants anything ever to happen, and they bond over relationships being hard. Oh, pardon me while I get a hanky, GROWN MEN. To his credit, at least Burke seems more accepting now of the fact that this is just the way Cristina is.
Crush eavesdrops as Callie says hi to Addie at the station. Callie tells her that she caught George in a lie that he was at the clinic when he was actually with Izzie. They share a Significant Look before she asks, "It's probably nothing, right?" Too heartily, Addison agrees. It's what Callie wants to hear, though, so she asks after Addie's manwhore. "Miraculously reformed?" A shot of Crush confirms she's eating up every word. Addison says he is for now, but that she knows he's not really what she wants. She wants stability and barbeques and someone teaching kids to play catch. Stability? You'd really better get away from Seattle Grace, honey. She knows that isn't really Mark, but adds that this doesn't explain why she's been drooling over Alex all day. Callie asks, "Why don't you just go there already?" "Because! He doesn't barbeque either! Plus he's, like, 12 years old." Callie counters that he's the kind of guy who gets stable after getting it out of his system in his twenties, and that also he'll never lie. I don't quite figure how one leads to the other, but as the weeks go on I'm learning to ask fewer and fewer questions. They part ways, each saying they need to stop thinking about Alex and Izzie, respectively, but Addie catches Callie to warn her that if she's obsessing about something that much, it probably means there's something to it. This hospital is a good place to get advice about the ins and outs of adultery, that's for sure.
Bailey visits the clinic and sees Izzie mid-lavage. Both doctor and patient look fed up with the process, and Bailey is aghast and turns on Syd, who declares, "We've really turned this place around today." This one really does have claws, that's for sure. Bailey asks, "Nasal lavage?" and Syd counters with, "Four visits in one month?" Syd, having more balls than I ever expected, says she understands that Bailey is protecting her investment in becoming chief, but that she needs to be about patients rather than politics. I wouldn't be surprised if Bailey killed her with one hand right now. They fight, and Runny Nose Guy lies down miserably. Once done fighting, Bailey comes over and very gently apologizes to him, which he sadly accepts and lifts himself back up. When he does, she sees a drop of clear liquid with some red in the middle on his pillow, which appears to be a very, very bad thing. He says, "See? This is why I'm never gonna have sex again." Bailey quietly has Izzie order a CT, and confirms that it's definitely not a cold.
In an x-ray room, everyone gathers to check out Skinner's insides, and Mere informs Derek that she'll be right over there. "Easy to locate, right? Girlfriend comes with a GPS?" Mercifully, this ends when they all look at the x-ray, which looks like it shows a skeleton with barbs of some sort. Meredith adds that it looks like "a teeny tiny catfish." Just then Richard enters and tells her she's close, but it's actually a Candiru fish. Cristina is once again delighted, asking, "A penis fish? This guy has a penis fish! In his, in his... wow." It's just like really disgusting Christmas.
Alex goes back to Crush's room; she asks what he did to her. He tells her pregnant women love epidurals, but she counters that she's not in labor. He tells her that this is supposed to keep it that way. More importantly, however, she's mad that she can't even sit up, and is therefore missing "The Seattle Grace Show." He helps her up, and she tells him she's glad they're friends again, to which he replies that he tried to stay mad at her, but it didn't work. Now that they're friends again, she asks if he made a move on Addie and that she has an update. The update isn't delivered, though, since it's at that very moment that she begins to have a seizure, and Alex yells at someone to page Addison.
Richard explains the Candiru to Skinner. The fish is a parasite that lives in the Amazon. Skinner is offended, saying he knows not to drink the water. Drinking, however, isn't the problem, it's peeing in it. Cristina looks far too excited as she explains that the fish is attracted to urine and will swim up the stream and straight into one's urethra. I just crossed my legs, and I don't even have a penis for the penis fish to swim up. This whole story is revolting yet hilarious. Skinner is appropriately appalled, and Cristina goes on to tell the story of one man who actually saw it swim in and tried to grab it, but the fish was too slippery. Richard finally stops her, but she protests, "It's in the literature!" Apparently, now the fish is living to his bladder and they need to go in and take it out before it causes sepsis. Skinner is caught off-guard by the idea that he could possibly die from this.
Crush is rushed into the OR, and we see Alex and Addison from her perspective as she comes to. Alex is telling Addison the epidural didn't help, but she says it will in delivery. They tell Crush that because of the blood pressure spike and resulting seizure, they need to deliver the baby by c-section. When she protests that the baby's too young at 30 weeks, Addison tells her the survival rate is really high. It's one of those things that's meant to be comforting but totally isn't, and Crush panics that she can't do it alone. Alex grabs her hand and tells her it's a good thing she's not alone, then. After this he's clearly going to go light up a barbeque.
Derek joins Bailey and Izzie, annoyed that he was called out of Skinner's consult. They have something good for him, though. It turns out the drop on Runny Nose Guy's pillow was something called a halo sign, which means he's been leaking spinal fluid through his nose. I can't quite figure out the medical specifics of what's happening, but his brain is... sinking. Bailey is beating herself up for thinking it was a cold. She also tells Izzie she won't be in the surgery since she needs to study, and that Bailey will scrub in with Derek instead. He thought she was on Skinner, but she tells him she'll do both, and that she can't not do anything when she sent this poor guy home three times before.
Crush's daughter is delivered, and they tell her that she's beautiful. The joy is short-lived, however, as they do that very calm doctor voice and mention the amount of blood. Addison has Alex give the baby to a nurse so that he can help her fix up Crush, who keeps asking what's wrong. Getting no answer but hearing the urgency in her doctors' voices, she begins to panic. Once he gets the okay from Addison, Alex stops working on her and pulls off his mask to look into her face. He talks her down until she's calmer, and Addison continues to work earnestly while also observing the moment between the two.
George finds Celeste and tells her that she has no chance of an STD, but that Skinner is having surgery. When she doesn't answer, he asks how she is, and she admits she isn't really fine. "I probably won't really be fine until I don't care if he's fine anymore." Oh, don't worry, honey -- he might be powerful and the apple of your eye, but I wouldn't call him fine. Just then a woman runs up to them. Now we're just having a reunion of characters from original Mighty Big TV recaps! Mrs. Skinner is none other than Gail Leery, who I must say looks great these days. Before she goes in to see her husband, she gives Celeste her keys and asks her to move the car, very subtly putting her in her place. George asks Celeste what she's going to do, but she cagily avoids the real answer, saying she's going to move the car.
The interns are all hanging out with the cakes, and Meredith calls it divine retribution that Skinner slept with his assistant and gets a fish up his business. That's a kind of ballsy statement for someone whose boyfriend neglected to tell his girlfriend he had an estranged wife for the first weeks of their relationship. George and Izzie pointedly don't look at her, but Cristina calls her on it. Meredith says that then Addison showed up, and with the near drowning and the crazy mother it was enough. "I mean, it's not fish in my hoo-hoo, but it's certainly not an easy ride." Cristina lets it go, saying she cheated on boyfriends and nothing ever happened, and was it just her? George and Izzie look panicked and their eyes dart all over the room. It really would be more subtle if they just held up a banner that said, "We did it! And we LIKED it!" over their heads. Cristina and Mere don't pick up on it, though, and George changes the subject by asking about her favorite cake. She says she doesn't have favorite cakes, which is why they're there. "It's not eating for pleasure, I really need a choice," and appears to hand them a questionnaire. Pleasure or not, I wish my workplace had a variety of cakes spread out on the table. Meredith and Cristina leave, Mere reporting her whereabouts for Derek, and George and Izzie are once again left alone. She apologizes for freezing up, and he assures her it's fine and shuts her up by stuffing cake in her mouth. Potential wedding cake, even. Oh, the symbolism, it might actually just kill me. They laugh, and naturally Callie is walking by at this moment and sees the silly moment between the two. She shakes her head in disgust and leaves. Don't worry, Callie, we're all disgusted.
Addison finds Alex post-surgery and angrily asks him if she has another Denny Duquette situation. Alex can't believe it, but she continues that he's never been so attentive. She maintains that caring for Crush is her job, and he's just an intern. He agrees, and counters angrily that that's why he won't ever be in her OR "and be anything less than overprepared. Okay? There's no way I'm going to work every day with a surgeon like you and not be at the top of my game." Though I hate, hate, HATE this pairing and that they really needed to go there with possibly the last two people to have not crossed that line, he's really hot and if I were in that moment, I might also have done what Addison does . Which is attack him, push him into the on-call room, and rip off his clothes. Also, I really hope Seattle Grace washes the linens in that room extremely often. If I worked there, I'd be sleeping on top of the covers every time I needed a nap.
Cristina is badgering Callie again about the cards. While Callie tries to ignore her and write in a chart, Cristina natters on about knowing she and George are married, but that there's something to be said for female surgeons sticking together. Callie tells her that she's scary and relentless, and that she'll give the cards to George and she's sure he'll share them. For her the subject is closed, until Cristina mutters the magic information, that she's sure George will only share them with Izzie. In one second, Callie calls Cristina back and tells her where to find the cards in her locker.
In the hallway, Addison literally stumbles out of the on-call room, adjusting her skirt. Alex follows her out and they bump into each other and awkwardly agree that they're fine and good, and bolt in opposite directions. Unfortunately, Mark is down the hall, and if anyone knows the look of a woman just sexed up in the workplace, it's McSteamy.
Izzie gets into the elevator, and Callie jumps in behind her. When the doors are closed, she quickly launches into speech before Izzie can do anything. "Don't talk. I know it's not fair and I know it's not your fault and I know there's nothing going on between you and George. I know that. Except there is! You're his best friend! He loves you! He gets you, he needs you, and I'm just, I'm just his wife. And I know I get the sex and the commitment and the life with him but I want him to get me, and to need me. And I can't compete with you. So I'm asking you to please stop. Just stop. Find another friend! Or whatever you do! Just give me my husband back." It's horrible and heartbreaking and for the millionth time, I hate this storyline.
In the OR, the team works at getting the fish out of Skinner. The Chief is supervising everyone, and Cristina and Mere come in to watch. There's lots of shots of long rods and tubes being inserted into places I don't want to think about. Meredith asks Mark a question and he doesn't seem to hear her, and he's glowering in a way that makes me want to push him into an on-call room and rip off his clothes. Rowr. He tells her he's had better days. Richard asks to have Bailey paged just as Skinner takes a turn for the worse, and they decide to open him up.
In another OR, Derek works on Runny Nose Guy. Bailey is still beating herself up but Derek tells her there's no blame, since it's hard to make the leap from a runny nose to a condition that might kill a person. She's paged, and he tells her to go. Above, George joins Izzie in the gallery. He tries to talk to her but she turns away from him and keeps giving him short, terse answers to his questions. When he finally asks what her problem is, she tells him, "My problem is you. You're my penis fish. You've crawled in and latched on and now I can't move, or talk or think or even pee without the nagging feeling that something is eating through my organs." Pee? Really? I think he would have gotten the point without that. George obtusely objects that she doesn't have a penis, but she snaps that it's a metaphor. He then asks what happened to them being fine. She says she doesn't know. "Maybe we're not." And with that, she leaves.
In the V.I.Penis OR, the fish seems to be doing a great job hanging on. As Bailey comes in, they announce they're going to cut it out, and there's a lot of grossed-out looks over the surgical masks of everyone assembled. When they finally grab it and pull it out, it looks like these horrible old plastic bugs that a friend's brother had when we were kids. In addition, it looks to be about five inches long. Excuse me while I just go have a little retch in the corner, I'll be right back.
Outside the OR, Meredith and Mark both scrub up after the surgery. She's making conversation while he just glares at her, hot and angry, and then looks like a light bulb has gone on over his head. "What do you say we have a real meeting of the Dirty Mistresses' Club? Like it should have been from the beginning?" She more confused than anything, and he goes on to explain how they could do it really quick in the on-call room. (Sheets! Please will someone wash the sheets?) He keeps coming on to her and adds that he's sure something's wrong with her and Derek, since something is always wrong. She handles him amazingly, and never loses her cool or even bats an eyelash, and instead just asks him what's wrong. He finally tells her that things aren't going to work out with Addison. Meredith says coming on to her won't help, but he says pathetically, "She doesn't want me. Something's gotta help." I wonder if Addison had him ultimately underestimated, as this is a guy who really is hurt by what's happened. Meredith advises him, "Revenge sex is not the answer. If you're letting her go, let her go. Be an adult."
Alex visits Crush, who is back in her room, and she thanks him for everything and adds that he and Addie are a great team. When he mentions Mark, Crush tells him that isn't happening, and gives him the update that was so rudely interrupted by her seizing and giving birth earlier. She tells him Addison is looking for someone committed, and when he denies that he's that person, she assures him he is. "Whether you want to admit it or not, you're actually one of the good ones."
George finds Gail Leery and tells her that Skinner is going to be fine. She seems relieved -- not incredibly emotional, but still glad. She then asks him to tell Celeste the news. "She's a basket case and I just don't have it in me to take care of my husband's girlfriend right now." George is silent, and she answers the unasked question. "Of course I know. The wife always knows." She walks away to see her husband, and the weight of what she says clearly sinks in for George.
In Skinner's room, Gail is reading in a chair to her husband's bed when Celeste walks in. She tells Skinner about the business arrangements she made for him, and mentions that someone named Danny will handle everything else. At his confusion, she explains that Danny will be filling in until he can find someone else. He's confused and calls her name, but she's already out the door. Staring at the cloud of dust she left behind, he asks what's going on, and Gail replies, "Well, I think she just left you." She then gives him her own goodbye and leaves the room. He's still confused, and asks George what's going on. George whispers, "I think I'm done here," and leaves Skinner all alone, with not even his penis fish to keep him company anymore.
In the conference room, Izzie shovels cake into her mouth as Burke walks in. The remains of the cakes are all over the table, and it appears that Izzie has done a lot of the damage. Mouth full, she asks, "Can you be a vault? I think I need a vault because I've eaten, like, a cake and a half and it's just not cutting it. And you don't gossip." He says that's because people don't talk to him, and in reply she spits out that she had sex with a married man. "I don't mind that nobody tells me anything," he quickly adds, but she tells him it was George, and looks close to tears. Like with Callie earlier, I hate the storyline, but I do love the individual characters, or at least I did before it all happened, and she looks so wrecked, it tugs at me a little bit. He grabs a fork and takes his own bite of cake. He muses about what makes the perfect cake, and Izzie observes that he's thought a lot about it. He adds, "This cake, and this day, with this woman." She tells him the red velvet is his winner.
Meredith goes to Derek's trailer and finds him brooding. She says she is apologizing, and kisses him. Again, apologizing for what? For making an effort? I'm getting completely infuriated. He seems mad and tells her she's making light of things, but she continues to give him a play-by-play of what she's doing there. She heads to his bedroom, takes off her clothes, and gets into bed. I think the reason this whole thing makes me so angry and uncomfortable is that I've been there, with the boyfriend ignoring you and making you feel like you did something wrong, and I've done the apologizing for I'm not quite sure what, and it's one of the worst feelings I can imagine. And here it is, in Technicolor on my television screen. He just shakes his head and finally smiles, but still looks sad. Run, Meredith! Remember the sad sex with George!
Addison runs into Mark at the end of the day and asks him for a drink and to talk. She seems nervous and mentions something always being wrong with them, and my thought is that she was going to admit to what happened, or at least call off the arrangement between the two of them. Mark decides to take the high road, though, or at least his own twisted version of it, and end things first by telling her that he's not what she's looking for, and that he's slept with someone else. "Once a manwhore, always a manwhore, right?" She's shocked, and for the umpteenth time this episode, I'm sad.
Bailey is at the board, putting up the surgeries for the day. Richard finds her and tells her to go home but she won't listen, nor will she listen to his assertion that she can't do it all and has to delegate. She tells him he did the same thing with Skinner, but he asserts that was a special case, being a fish in a man's penis and all. She only replies, "There's always going to be a fish in a man's penis, Chief." Yowza, I hope not, or I'm going to have to find a new show that doesn't make me cross my legs for the entire hour. She also calls him out on not really moving on yet from being chief. He just warns her back that one day she might not have a family to go home to, and wishes her goodnight.
Meredith and Derek seem to have done the deed, but he's now staring at the ceiling, and she says he can't look unhappy after sex. He says he's fine, she asks if they're fine, and he gives the really assuring and mature answer of "sure." She tells him she shouldn't have accused him of hovering, he says she's right, and some back-and-forth ensues until he admits what's wrong. Or at least part of it. "That day. You came out of the water, I spent the scariest hour of my life trying to breathe for you. I love you and I want you but I don't know what to... you didn't swim. You didn't swim, and you know how to, and I don't know if I can... I don't know if I wanna keep trying to breathe for you." Hey, I have an idea! Mere, you tell him about the realization you came to that you wanted to live. You can leave out all the freaky talking-to-dead-people stuff. Derek, you could tell her it's also an issue about becoming chief. Then you guys are actually talking like an actual mature couple. Are you really, truly not there yet, after everything you've been through in the last three seasons? I guess not. But to Meredith's credit, she has been trying to move on with her life and had no idea this was still a problem, until now when they're naked in bed and everything is horrible and uncomfortable. She looks understandably gutted and says she should go, to which his response is to stare more at the ceiling, so she gets out of bed.
"Too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you can't have," Meredith VOs. Cristina is at home studying with the magical perfect cards, totally delighted. Burke sits down and asks her about picking a cake. She's barely paying attention but does tell him she liked "the red one." He realizes she means the red velvet, the one that Izzie advised was his winner, and he takes the card out of her hand and they canoodle. It's very strange to have the happiest couple at the end of the day be Cristina and Burke, that's for sure.
George and Izzie look into Runny Nose Guy's room, where a girl is by his bed, holding his hand. Izzie admits she doesn't know how they go on acting like things are okay and working together. George has a possible solution, and that's the age-old gem: run away! He says that there's a spot at Mercy West and he's contacted them about transferring. I'm certain his wife isn't going to find anything at all suspicious about this transfer, either. Good thinking, George, good thinking. Meredith continues, "Desire leaves us heartbroken. It wears us out. Desire can wreck your life."
Addison is on her way out and sees Alex studying in the lobby, so she invites him for a drink. When he says he can't since he has to study, she flirts an invitation to study with her at her hotel. It's kind of awkward and horrible, and only gets more so when Alex answers her by announcing, "You're not my girlfriend, okay?" She's caught off-guard, and he continues, "No offense, today was awesome, it's just I'm really busy... " She's confused and works to save face, telling him with a smile to study, and then makes her way out of the hospital. Once there, she turns around and stares back at the building as Mere wraps things up. "But as tough as wanting something can be, the people that suffer the most are those who don't know what they want." What? I'm not crying, there's dust in the air! Leave me alone.