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Everyone wants to find Juan's Crown Vic. Briggs ropes Jakes into helping him, telling him it'll be super simple, I promise! Mike enlists Paige, who he's told about his investigation of Briggs. But then small-time criminal Clayton steals the Crown Vic.
So Briggs cooks up a spur-of-the-moment undercover op with Clayton, which Mike crashes and they help Clayton rob one of LA's finest handjobberies. Mike prevents Briggs from getting to the car, but when he and Paige get there, the recording is missing.
Charlie is still fixated on Odin Rossi. Totally ignorant of the fact that Cortez is actually a sadistic cartel murderer, she enlists him to help her go undercover with drug dealer Quinn. When Quinn doesn't flip on Rossi, Charlie beats him to a bloody pulp.
Briggs scampers off back to the house, finds his hidden bag full of money and passports (and maybe a little recreational smack for those long international flights?), and flees.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously on Graceland: Briggs is (still) Odin Rossi. Charlie is suspicious. Briggs accidentally killed Juan and then not so accidentally buried his body in the desert. Now Mike and Paige are looking for Juan's car, which might incriminate Briggs, while Charlie is working with Mexican cop Cortez, who might actually be Jangles. And despite Blond Marius's cuteness, the charm of this series wore thin with me long ago.
Briggs is in bed. He's wearing a shirt, so this is all useless. Come on, USA Network, know your strengths and cut me a damn break. Do you make Matt Bomer wear a bag over his head? Briggs scans a missing notice for Juan, including what kind of car he was driving, and goes downstairs to wander creepily around the darkened house. Mike is sacked out on the couch. He's awake, but pretends to wake up, and then they make awkward small talk before Briggs goes to the fridge to steal some of Jakes's orange juice. Poor Jakes.
Speaking of, he opens his eyes when Briggs puts a hand over his mouth and wakes him. Jakes thinks ninjas must be attacking the house, otherwise his roommate would follow the barest conventions of good manners at least once in a while, but Briggs wants to call in a favor: he needs Jakes to make a car disappear across the border. Jakes is all, that's fine, I'll get right on it, and then Briggs tells him it can wait till morning. Even though he just woke him up in the middle of the night. Seriously, it's no wonder Jakes doesn't feel like these people are his family: they're all dicks.
Mike and Paige, who is still wearing just a bikini top and cutoffs because we no longer live in a society where I am guaranteed equal TV access to hot shirtless men (THANKS A LOT, MRS. HALL), blather on some about a tracker they're putting on Briggs's car. Mike tells Paige about how Briggs was wearing a hoodie and tried to sneak out last night, until Mike caught him, and Paige inadvertently steps into the zeitgeist when she points out that wearing a hoodie doesn't signal criminal intent. She puts the tracker under Briggs's car and then goes back to combing nine thousand different Bumble & Bumble products through her effortless beach-y waves.
Johnny makes pancakes. Paige requests an octopus and Johnny coldly offers Jakes a spaceship: a plain round pancake. He says it's the Death Star. Apparently someone still holds a grudge over the whole strippers-in-the-bounce-house debacle. Jakes says his bird-smuggling case is wrapping up and he could use a little help. Briggs volunteers. Very subtle, gentlemen.
Mike had hoped Briggs would help him find Juan, but he's sticking to the earlier and very sensible I-shouldn't-have-anything-to-do-with-this plan. He and Jakes leave and Briggs gets a case of the willies when they approach his car, then asks Jakes to drive. It also appears that Graceland doesn't have a garage or anything and the residents just all park on the street like commoners? I expect better of the federal government, really.
Mike stares at his laptop and watches the unmoving beacon: he tells Paige they took Jakes's truck. Oh, she put on a shirt! It must be a formal occasion.
So Jakes really is picking up some parrots. Briggs chooses this awesome moment to talk about what's going on between Jakes and Johnny, and brings up the face-punching incident. As they load up the birds, Jakes admits he was drunk and angry and had just come from making a fool of himself at Cassandra's. Briggs is of the opinion that Jakes did the right thing not being a part of Daniel's life, and he should let Cassie go. Jakes asks if Briggs has taken his own advice and let his dead girlfriend Lisa go. Briggs is all, have you not learned that the lesson of this series is "I am not a role model for anyone, ever, except maybe as pertains to my crunch-and-push-up routine"?
Hotel room. Cortez, who has a bandage on his right shoulder, dresses and pulls his tools o' torture out of his suitcase. So I guess he totally is Jangles. Intercut with this is Charlie putting on her makeup, and the cross-cut montage is not nearly as clever as the sho wmakers think it is. Not even the flash of Vanessa Ferlito side boob. Cortez's finishing touch… his wire-rimmed glasses, which make him look almost entirely harmless.
Johnny is trying to repair the punctured bounce house so he'll get his deposit back. He and Charlie bicker over who's going to pay for it, and I cannot give a damn about Charlie's problems. Women named Charlie are just not working out for me on TV lately.
Briggs and Jakes park to the site of the Estate, the burned-down FBI residence. They look for the black Crown Vic, and Jakes says he can put it on a boat leaving LA today. Except the car is nowhere to be found. Jakes finds a shard of glass on the ground and says it looks like the car was stolen, as it's in gang territory.
Mike has also identified the gang that stole the car: the Mongrels. And he's found the car at a gas station in Long Beach. Not being filled up by Briggs, notably. They ID the criminal and his gang as a group who tend to steal cars, use them in a crime, then ditch them. Paige points out Clayton, the criminal, won't have the car much longer. They hope they can get to Clayton through his mom, and since she's not likely to talk to feds, here's Paige's great idea: "You're going to get me pregnant." I really can't believe that sound bite wasn't part of the "week on Graceland" teaser.
Charlie and Cortez meet for a drink. She just whines and whines about the Odin case and how Whistler got killed. Cortez asks about this dirty FBI agent she alluded to, and also if her agency knows she's working with him. Charlie says if the bureau knew, she'd be deported to Mexico. I guess that's where we send Italian Americans from Brooklyn now? She refuses to give Cortez Briggs's name, but flirts enthusiastically with him over the rim of her glass. He offers to show her what he has on Jangles. I bet he doesn't mean that bag of knives.
Briggs and Jakes cruise, looking for the Crown Vic. Frustrated, Briggs explodes and pounds on the dashboard, so Jakes pulls over and is all, the fuck is going on, man? Briggs ignores him and rambles about going undercover to talk to the Mongrels and try to get the car back.
Jakes demands to know what's in the car, and Briggs admits there's a recording of him killing an FBI agent. He explains the struggle and how he thought it was Jangles and then Jakes boots Briggs out of the car and gets himself on the first flight to Bora Bora, because who has time for this shit? No, actually he just digs himself in deeper. I'm sure week's season finale will include everyone getting kicked out of the FBI for being dumb as a box of hair.
Charlie and Cortez stroll to his hotel. She's drunk and he is totally going to fillet her. Just as he's opening the door, Charlie's phone rings. Cortez freezes. It's Johnny. Charlie wants to call him back, but he spills what he's learned: a CI of his ran into Quinn, the dealer who helped Whistler OD. She thanks him and promises to pay for half of the bounce house. Charlie hangs up and, jazzed by her lead, takes a rain check on looking at Cortez's "info."
Paige has herself all tarted up like one of Melissa McCarthy's brothers' girlfriends in The Heat, complete with crispy perm and a fake baby belly. Mike's hesitant about doing this to a nice churchgoing lady like Clayton's mom (except for the fact that her son is a car-stealing gang member?) but Paige just strolls right in there and tells Nancy that her boy got her up the stick. Clayton's mom is all, go jump off a pier, you skank, because I raised a kid on my own and so can you. Paige protests that she doesn't want money, she just wants to talk to Clayton, and threatens to go into the church and make a scene. Nancy relents.
Briggs has come to the conclusion all on his own that he should talk to Clayton, and isn't that convenient? He directs Briggs to a doughnut store Clayton works out of and goes in to talk, bringing one of the contraband parrots with him. Seriously, free Jakes.
Inside, Briggs sets the parrot down on the counter. Clayton comes out of the back; Briggs tells him the bird is a gift for Nancy. Briggs says he's looking for work and Clayton offers him something week. Briggs pushes for something now, because he says he lost his girl (Lisa) and thinks he can get her back if he has quick cash. Clayton says he has a job he can help with, sure.
Paige peels off her fake belly and she and Mike discuss how often she's used it before (three times professionally, once to break up with a dude). Mike is horrified by this, because apparently a fake pregnancy is one moral bridge farther than helping a drug dealer dump a bunch of impure heroin on the streets of L.A.? Mike pulls up to the doughnut shop and sees Jakes's truck. He just strolls right up and knocks on the driver's side window. Jakes tells him Briggs is inside, and admits it's not really about the parrot case. Just then, Jakes's phone beeps with a text from Briggs. But it's Mike who shows up inside the shop.
(Sidebar: I would much rather be recapping the Chris Hemsworth Is a Sexy Race Car Driver movie right now, you guys. I bet Ron Howard knows the appropriate amount of shirtless beefcake).
Clayton isn't impressed with Mike's seeming toughness, but Briggs vouches for him. Clayton explains that the job is a standard smash-and-grab, and we've seen how well that worked out for Mr. Orange and Mr. Blue. He tells them to meet him the day at noon.
Mike and Briggs walk out with a bag of doughnuts and Briggs snaps at Mike for almost blowing his cover. Mike's almost laughing when he says Briggs lied to him. Everybody lied to everybody! Mike says he'll believe what's on Juan's tape: tomorrow when Clayton picks them up in the Crown Vic they'll get the tape and know who's telling the truth.
At Graceland, after Johnny rambles pointlessly about the bounce house some more, Charlie tells Johnny she's going after Quinn again. Johnny proposes that she go back undercover as Katie the junkie, and Charlie says she'll go in without Briggs this time, since he almost punched Quinn out last time. Her death wish is getting rather obvious at this point. When Johnny protests about her going in alone, she says she has a new partner in mind. Oh goody, so Cortez gets to kill her and Quinn.
Paige de-sluts herself while whining about lying to Briggs all the time. Mike points out that Briggs always has reasonable answers for their questions, and that it's important not to listen to what he says but to pay attention to what he does. In another room, Briggs rants to Jakes about Mike's investigation. He tells Jakes to grab Mike first tomorrow when the tac team shows up (since Jakes has to arrest Briggs and Mike to maintain their covers with Clayton). If Jakes can get him ten extra seconds, he can destroy the tape. Jakes is reluctant; you can tell he's booking that ticket to Bora Bora in his head. I'm sure they have illegal parrots in the South Pacific.
Clayton is late and Mike is jittery. In their car, Jakes explains to Paige how he's going to arrest Mike and Briggs. Paige needles him for taking the easy duty (since Briggs and Mike probably won't shoot him) and further pokes at him for not being an active part of the house. "Just because I keep to myself doesn't make me an asshole," he says. In this crowd, I think it's a sign of wisdom and good taste, actually.
Clayton pulls up in a red car rather than the black Crown Vic Mike and Briggs were expecting. They pry out of him that the Crown Vic is the switch-out car for after the robbery.
Charlie and Cortez meet again for drinks. At this point I'm pretty sure she's going to sleep with him before he chops her face off. She asks for his help going undercover with Quinn, and insists that it'll be easy to get Quinn to roll on Odin. Just then, Johnny plops down between them, and Charlie's instantly outraged, asking if Johnny followed her. You'd think a fed would be better at losing a tail—or, you know, noticing she has one. Charlie introduces Cortez and Johnny says he doesn't trust federales. Johnny and Charlie argue about what she's doing and Cortez is all, can I please just cut off one of your ears? Or maybe a fingertip? I'm getting anxious here. He insists he's been a clean cop for twelve years and is on Charlie's side. Johnny acquiesces.
Clayton, Mike, and Briggs pull up in front of a Korean massage parlor. So they're going to rob some hardworking working girls, as it's an all-cash business. Clayton passes a sawed-off shotgun to Briggs and reminds them not to forget to rob the johns. Inside, Briggs very politely interrupts some knickers-only massages (this is still basic cable, after all) and asks for wallets. Clayton's other associate clears out the safe and heads out, but as Briggs is reminding everyone not to call the cops, Mike handcuffs him to a bookshelf.
Briggs points the shotgun at Mike and tells him to let him go. Mike says if Briggs is innocent, Mike can prove it, then runs out and gets into the red car, telling the others that one of the johns punched Briggs out. Clayton drives away.
Jakes and Paige are watching and listening, and Jakes runs into the massage parlor. He unlocks Briggs's handcuffs and suggests they follow Mike's wire to the Crown Vic. Briggs is resigned, though; he knows they can't beat Mike to the recording. So he's going to run. I suppose there's still time for him to become a respected New York fashion designer.
Quinn's place. Charlie and Cortez walk in, both looking ridiculous in junkie drag. Quinn is watching the weather, still in his burgundy tracksuit. Man, that thing must reek. She introduces Cortez as Rafael and says her thing with Eric (Briggs) is over, because partnerships break up all the time—like his partnership with Odin. She says Rafael can help them get back the millions Odin took from Bello. Using Jangles as the bait. Quinn's skeptical and tells Cortez to take a hike, because Quinn doesn't want to talk business in front of a stranger. Charlie says it's okay for "Rafael" to leave her alone with Quinn, because flinging herself into traffic is just too messy.
Quinn doesn't want to talk. He wants to nail Charlie. Instead, she socks him in the face. They fight and she throws him through a glass coffee table. Johnny listens, intrigued and then scared, as Charlie pummels Quinn in the face, flashing back to how Whistler died and Quinn made her shoot up. After she's reduced Quinn's face to a runny jelly, she tells Johnny she's all right, and he's all, that is not my primary concern right now. So…Cortez couldn't hear any of this?
Clayton pulls up to the switch-out car. He, Mike, and the other guy get out, and Mike pulls a gun on them. He tells them he's a fed and orders them to get on the ground. Paige roars up in her black SUV full of team members, but without Jakes.
Briggs comes home to Graceland, finding it empty. He eyes a statue of the Buddha, then nudges it aside and pulls a large wooden panel off the wall. He punches a hole in the drywall and hauls out his bug-out bag, filled with cash and an extra passport.
Mike goes to the Crown Vic, pries the glove box open and doesn't find the recorder. Paige asks where it is, and Mike says the better question is "Where the hell is Briggs?" Yeah, I doubt that'll become another "Who Shot JR?"
Briggs takes one last look at Graceland, then leaves.
week on the season finale: Johnny tells Briggs there's a detain-on-sight order out on him. Charlie finds out Cortez is Jangles and maybe he cuts her head off.