Episode Report Card Demian: B | 1 USERS: B YOU GRADE IT MINAAAAAAAAAAJ!
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 16 | Aired on 03.14.2013
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.In Ohio: In an effort to resolve the wholly immature slapfight now raging between Mr. Schue and Bloaty The Gravy Clown in the wake of last week's confession, Single-T Tina, Artie, and Dreamboat Blaine order the two gigantic infants to sing it out onstage at The April Rhodes Civic Pavilion, because Regionals are coming up in a few weeks, and the children need their so-called mentors to focus on what's really important. Naturally, several other interpersonal disagreements quite coincidentally flare up at the same time, so musical smackdowns involving Not-So-Unique, New Finn, Dreamboat Blaine, and Coach Sylvester also ensue, and in the end, a monstrously childish Mr. Schue sends Old Finn packing while Dreamboat Blaine finds himself on the bottom -- of Coach Sylvester's Cheerios pyramid -- when she succeeds in forcing him to honor a verbal agreement he made with her three months ago. For his part, New Finn gets off relatively easily, as all he has to do is apologize to Urethra Franklin, New Puck, and Stupid Boring New Idiozzzzzzzzzzzzz.
In New York: Santana Lopez finally figures out that Old Idiot Rachel's filthy whore of a boyfriend is, indeed, a high-priced fancy boy for wealthy socialites of a certain age, but when she threatens to expose him, he connives to have his girlfriend (and his girlfriend's accommodating gay pet) throw Santana out into the street. Of course, this is A Very Bad Move on Dean Geyer's part, indeed, for Santana promptly arranges a sting operation that somehow ends with Frankenteen lurching from a Manhattan closet to pimp-slap Malibu Midnight Cowboy into the middle of next week, where I'm assuming Old Idiot Rachel will dump his frequently rented ass at some point during our next exciting installment.
In Other News: New Finn's totally getting Te'oed by Not-So-Unique. Tell everyone you know!
Featuring "How To Be A Heartbreaker" by Marina And The Diamonds, as performed by Old Idiot Rachel and her filthy whore of a boyfriend; a medley of Elton John's "The Bitch Is Back" and Madonna's "Dress You Up," as performed by New Finn and Urethra Franklin; Paula Abdul's "Cold Hearted," as performed by Santana Lopez; another medley, this of "Bye Bye Bye" from 'N Sync and "I Want It That Way" by The Backstreet Boys, as performed by Mr. Schue and Bloaty The Gravy Clown; yet another goddamned medley, this mixing Mariah Carey's "I Still Believe" with Nicki Minaj's "Super Bass," as performed by Dreamboat Blaine and Coach Sylvester; and Tegan And Sara's "Closer," as performed by the children of The New New Directions.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Even before the lights properly fade up, an epic chorus swoops in from out of nowhere to pillage the soundtrack, and as the voices rise to fill us all with a sense of ominous foreboding, we're reminded of three key moments from episodes past: Bloaty The Gravy Clown abruptly hiking his tongue down Miss Pillsbury's throat, Coach Sylvester portentously announcing the bride's premature departure from the wedding ceremony, and Frankenteen foolishly confessing his supposed sin. Dun-dun-DUN!
Cut to the McKinley High music room, where Frankenteen and Mr. Schue have arranged themselves on a couple of the cheap seats in order to face a solemn tribunal composed of an icily regal Single-T Tina, a habitually affable Artie and a supernaturally peppy Dreamboat Blaine. "Thank you for agreeing to this sit-down," Artie begins. "We've all noticed the tension between you ever since Finn admitted he kissed Miss Pillsbury," Artie continues, and with that, we...
...smear sideways to the recent past. Frankenteen lumbers into the music room, mumbling apologies for his tardiness, with his back bowed under the heavy burden of several Lima Bean carry-out trays. "Here are the lattes Mr. Schue made me get everybody!" he calls out, sounding just a wee bit annoyed. Mr. Schue takes a sip from his cup, immediately detects an overabundance of mocha flavoring therein, and snippily sends the hapless Old Finn back to The Bean for a fresh batch. Bloaty The Gravy Clown gapes, and with that, we...
...smear sideways to the more recent past. "Sorry, Mr. Schue," an agitated Frankenteen blubs, "but all I did was pick up the vests!" "What's most upsetting," Mr. Schue snipes as he scratches away at an imaginary stain on one of his freshly dry-cleaned signature garments, "is that you actually think these vests are clean -- that it's okay to turn in subpar work!" Bloaty The Gravy Clown gapes, and with that, we...
...smear back to the present, where Single-T Tina coolly notes, "It's no surprise that Finn has been acting like he's losing his mind." And with that, we...
...smear sideways to the most recent past. "Great job, [New Finn]!" Mr. Schue shouts, rising to congratulate the impossibly broad-shouldered ukulele-sporting lunkhead in question. "See that, guys?" he continues. "Prowess on the football field and a terrific singing voice are not mutually exclusive!" Should I bother reminding everyone that Old Finn has generally sucked at both the football and the singing ever since we met him? Yeah, didn't think so. The camera zooms in on Frankenteen just in time to capture his massive freak-out as he lurches to his ungainly feet and shouts, "I can't take it anymore! It's bad enough you're treating me like your lackey, but I'm not gonna sit here while you fake-compliment [New Finn] just to hurt me!" Bloaty The Gravy Clown staggers from the choir room out into the hallway, intentionally upending a music stand as he goes, and with that, we...