By Demian
In Ohio: Emma has, of course, disappeared in the wake of the last episode's abortive nuptials, and Will has, of course, given up on looking for her, because Will now completely sucks as a character. This means Bloaty The Gravy Clown must once again waddle to Mr. Schue's rescue, which he does by finagling Miss Pillsbury's current coordinates out of her still-bizarre parents, and after Mr. Schue wins his errant bride back with some grand romantic gesture I didn't exactly bother to watch, the two adults agree to something I didn't exactly bother to hear.
In New York: The magnificent Santana Lopez rifles through her new roommates' belongings -- as you do -- and while she mistakenly decides Dean Geyer's a coke dealer after finding a wad of a cash and a pager in his coat, she correctly decides Old Idiot Rachel's knocked up after finding that pee stick in the trash. The Horrible Hooker Of Broadway immediately starts blubbering about her now-occupied uterus, but we'll have to wait a week or so for resolution on all of that, because this evening's episode was awfully light on the plot points.
In Other News: St. Gay Of Lima's rebound relationship with Meth Head Grandpa is already on the (crack) rocks, Frankenteen informs Mr. Schue of The Kiss, and Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Featuring a variety of songs from various celluloid classics, including an utterly charming black-and-white dream sequence set to the tune of "You're All The World To Me" from Royal Wedding, as performed by Mr. Schue and Miss Pillsbury; a thoroughly embarrassing version of "Shout" from Animal House, as performed by the children of The New New Directions with Dreamboat Blaine and Brit-Brit sharing primary vocal duties; an appropriately consumptive "Come What May" from Moulin Rouge!, as performed by Dreamboat Blaine and St. Gay Of Lima; a medley on the apparent theme of "Thoroughly Unappealing Midgets With Inexplicably Lengthy Hollywood Careers" that includes Top Gun's "Danger Zone" and Risky Business's "Old Time Rock And Roll," as performed by The Glee Guys with Dreamboat Blaine and Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen on lead; this noted medley of "Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend" and "Material Girl," also from Baz Luhrmann's Moulin Rouge!, as performed by Not-So-Unique and Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel with an assist from the other Glee Gals; Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes," as featured in Say Anything..., here performed by Mr. Schue with doo-woppy backup helpfully provided by the children of The New New Directions; "Unchained Melody" from this penetrating examination of forbidden love in the California penal system, as befittingly performed by New Puck, New Finn, and a sloppy lump of wet clay; and the infamously awful "Footloose" from the infamously awful film(s) of the same name, as performed by the children of The New New Directions with solos from Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen and Artie.