By LTG
I hope nothing important happened in the first five minutes of the episode, because my cable company gave me nothing but a blank screen. Anyway, New Directions and the Troubletones get together to sing some songs to Santana to let her know they still love her even if she is a big lesbian. She's completely dismissive of Kurt and Blaine's effort, and Puck's love song ends up being obviously directed at Shelby, much to Quinn's chagrin. Finn confronts her, consumed with guilt that his outing her will lead to her suicide, and she appears to forgive him after he sings a lovely cover of "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" to her. And she seems to appreciate it when all the girls of both groups get together to shut down a lesbophobic rugby player who thinks he can be the one to straighten her out. Even her parents are okay with her lady-loving ways. But things go south when she gives a lovely coming out speech to her grandmother and her abuela tells her that she never wants to see her again.
That love song Puck sings in the direction of Shelby pays off when she calls him for help when Beth falls and splits her lip. He parlays an alpha-male performance in front of the doctor into a roll in the hay with Shelby, but she still has enough sense to recognize a horrible mistake after she's made it and throws him out. Which leads him to the arms of Quinn, who wants to get knocked up again. He talks her out of that, but makes the mistake of confiding in her about his fling with Shelby. From the disgusted look on Quinn's face, that may come back to bite him some time in the future.
Meanwhile, Sue has decided she needs to start dating a man before her opponent's ad questioning her sexuality airs, and she sets her eyes on Cooter, Coach Beiste's new fella. The fact that Coach punched him the one time he tried to hold her hand makes it a lot easier for Sue to make her move. But the Panther finally realizes she needs to show Cooter how she feels, and she vows she won't go down without a fight.
And it's finally time for elections, both school and Congressional. Kurt's terrified that he'll lose and will never get into that fake theater school. And then things get worse when he wins by such a large margin that Figgins accuses him of stuffing the ballot box. Of course, St. Gay would never do such a thing -- Rachel was the one who freaked out and stuffed the box. She saves Kurt from unjust punishment by confessing to Figgins, leading to a one-week suspension and being banned from competing at Sectionals. Oh, and also, Burt wins his election and is now the newest Congressman from Ohio.
Featuring k.d. lang's "Constant Craving," performed by Santana and Shelby Corcoran, Pink's "Fuckin' Perfect," performed by Kurt and Blaine, a really slowed-down, stripped-down arrangement of Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Want to Have Fun," performed by Finn, Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl," performed by the ladies of New Directions and the Troubletones (with Rachel and Santana on lead), Melissa Etheridge's "I'm the Only One," performed by Puck, and Dolly Parton's "Jolene," performed by Coach Beiste. (Please do enjoy the hair at that last link. It's insane, even for the '70s.)