By Demian
Blockhead Will returns from Washington just in time for Batshit Emma to ditch him at the altar in the middle of their Valentine-themed wedding. Fortunately, her parents already shelled out huge amounts of cash for the reception, so everyone else gets hammered at the open bar, and vast amounts of refreshingly straightforward sex ensue -- specifically, between Old Rachel and Bloaty The Gravy Clown, St. Gay Of Lima and Dreamboat Blaine, Santana Lopez and Quinn, and Artie and Artie's Bitchy Wedding Reception Piece. The fallout from all of this will be gruesome, I'm sure, but bright side? We don't have to deal with it until month at the earliest.
Once back in New York, The Horrible Hooker Of Broadway misses her period and scores what I sincerely hope is a false positive on her EPT. Oh, and Dean Geyer's a whore. Maybe. It's a scandal!
Featuring Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell's "You're All I Need To Get By," as performed by New Puck and Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel, with backup provided by Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen, New Finn, and Artie; a senselessly shortened yet immensely enjoyable "Getting Married Today" from Company, as performed by Emma, Will, and Mercedes; the habanera from Carmen, which appears as a leitmotif throughout the second half of the episode; "Dance Hall Days" by Wang Chung, as performed by Wang Chung; Depeche Mode's "Just Can't Get Enough," as performed by St. Gay Of Lima and Dreamboat Blaine; Haircut 100's "Love Plus One," as performed by Haircut 100; the Kenny Rogers and Sheena Easton version of Bob Seger's "We've Got Tonight," as performed by The Horrible Hooker of Broadway, Bloaty The Gravy Clown, New Puck, Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel, St. Gay of Lima, Dreamboat Blaine, Santana Lopez, Quinn, Artie, and Artie's Bitchy Wedding Reception Piece; and Ellie Goulding's "Anything Could Happen," as performed by the children of The New New Directions, with Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel, Artie, New Puck trading off on lead.
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