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Lorelai's relationship with Christopher continues to progress. While spending the night at his house, she learns that his ex-wife Sherry sent him a brick of an apology letter, which is then followed by the news that Sherry wants Gigi to come visit her in Paris for a couple of months. The progress here lies in the fact that Christopher told Lorelai this himself instead of letting Lorelai find out in some upsetting way. But she doesn't think it's such a great idea to ship the kid across the ocean with her nanny, and when she says as much to Christopher, it initiates quite the chill between them. Of course, Emily is so happy to have Christopher joining Lorelai for Friday dinner that she doesn't even notice the hate-on they have for each other throughout the meal. As for Rory: Logan makes a surprise appearance in town for a one-day business trip, and she's very let down when their supposedly romantic pre-departure dinner in Manhattan turns out to be with his business associates. Just what Rory needs: another batch of obnoxious Logan-friends to deal with. And it doesn't help that one of them is a hot blonde. Christopher and Lorelai make up when he asks Lorelai to come to Paris with him and Gigi. Is there anything an invitation to Paris can't fix? Not much going on in Stars Hollow proper, other than the overpowering scent of rotting pickles. As Michel says, that is not a metaphor. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Lorelai and Christopher are getting ready to head out the door for a stay overnight at his place, so clearly things are still moving along between the two of them. Chris is sitting on the couch, making that face that everyone who ever dates Lorelai makes sooner or later, as she goes through the four overnight bags of crap she's toting over there. Including "comfort shoes," which look like anything but, unless Lorelai's living a secret double life as a dominatrix. Except they're not her comfort shoes; they're Paul Anka's: "Chewing on them reminds him of a squirrel carcass." Somewhere, Carrie Bradshaw faints. Lorelai goes on and on about how Paul Anka needs all this stuff in order to be comfortable in unfamiliar surroundings, while the poor dog to whom all this ridiculous diva behavior is constantly being ascribed is just sitting there on the couch to Chris, looking at him all, "'sup?" Lorelai scampers to another room for a supply of Paul Anka's tennis balls (Penn, new, green), and although we can still hear her babbling, the temporary reduction in volume is a nice break. She comes back telling Chris to watch his tone with the dog, and demonstrates the "proper" tone, revealing that Lorelai is hopelessly confused about the difference between "sweet and dulcet" and "bad brakes." Finally, she and Chris load up and head out, leaving Paul Anka sitting there all, "Hellooo! Pathetic, furry embodiment of Lorelai's empty-nest syndrome still sitting right here!" But then Lorelai remembers to call him before the credits start. Big deal. It's not like we're going to be seeing the dog again tonight anyway.
Rory gets off the elevator at her/Logan's apartment, just as he calls her cell phone to suggest that they watch some meteor shower together. Like, now. I'm no astronomer, but I'm not sure it's possible for two people a quarter of a planet apart to watch the same meteor shower at the same time, even if it's dark in both places. Rory's even less of an astronomer than I am, because she not only doesn't call bullshit on this, she isn't even interested in anything but a regular shower after spending nine hours in the library. But Logan insists, and she doesn't even get to go in the door and drop her crap; instead, he makes her run up the stairs to the roof that very second, schlepping all of her school stuff the whole way. "What has gotten into you?" she wonders as she hits the roof exit. Logan's only answer is "Nice night," because, of course, he's up on the roof waiting for her, in person. Surprise! Also, there are Christmas lights everywhere and tables with food and white tablecloths. Rory drops everything and runs over, thrilled to see him. They kiss as she realizes that there's no meteor shower, and, impressed, remarks, "You used the entire cosmos to trick me." Then she wants to know why Logan's there in the first place, and he plays coy while we try to guess whether he got fired, deported, disowned, or all three. Finally, he reveals that he's in the country on a short business trip -- as in until 10:00 the night. It seems that Logan and his team at work have been trying to buy some website, and have convinced the owners of the site to have a sit-down over breakfast the morning. Rory congratulates him, and then there's more kissing. Rory's gone about as long as she can without commenting on all the food she's smelling, and Logan says he brought tapas and a bottle of wine. On seeing the bottle, Rory goes into full oenophile mode: "I bet it's very oaky and corky and full of fruity legs." By which of course she actually means, "Pretty label." They're about to settle down to some wine and tapas, but first Rory throws herself all around Logan one more time in unabashed glee. Neither of them tumbles off the roof.
At Christopher's place, Lorelai has discovered the magic of TiVo. Christopher comes in from putting Gigi to bed and finds her improvising a little symphony of "boop"s and "bamp"s. Seriously, that's what she's doing. "Finally, an instrument I can play," she says. Christopher tries to get the remote from her, and she wants to know what's up with all the episodes of The View, Girlfriends, and Sabado Gigante: "Who controls this thing, you or Pedro Almodóvar?" Chris blames the nanny, and finally retrieves the TiVo remote from Lorelai before she brings down a satellite with it or something. Chris says that he just tried to abbreviate Gigi's bedtime story, but Gigi wasn't having it: "My wicked stepsister voice kills.
This brings Chris to the topic of the evening: something he wants to show Lorelai. He gets up to retrieve something out of a drawer that's right there, but the short trip still provides Lorelai enough time to go on a whole thing about how she doesn't ever know how to react to toddler art. He returns, handing her a thick Par Avion envelope and telling her it's from Sherry -- the first communication he's received from her since their divorce was finalized. "How Dangerous Liaisons of her," Lorelai says. "She doesn't call, she doesn't email, then she sends you a letter with a wax seal that weighs roughly the same as a porterhouse." Basically, Lorelai's holding a fifteen-page apology. Chris was as surprised to get it a couple of days ago as Lorelai is now. He says that Sherry really appears to have changed, although he doesn't know whether to ascribe that to Sherry's having taken up yoga, or her having taken up with her yoga instructor: "Jean-Claude or Jean-Pierre, one of those names that always sounds fake." And then he says that Sherry wants to be part of Gigi's life again. Lorelai says that's great, and Chris seems to agree. And with that out of the way, we can more on to the most important aspect of this development, which is how it affects Lorelai. She's surprised that he's showing the letter to her after getting it a couple of days ago. He explains that he thought about telling her right away, but decided to wait until Lorelai came over. But Lorelai's not mad; quite the contrary, in fact. She's glad that Christopher's sharing it with her at all, instead of going the other way: "You're sure you don't want to stash it and somewhere, and then I find it -- accidentally of course -- months from now, and I get all weird and insecure about why you didn't tell me sooner?" Christopher says that this works fine for him. And one TiVo "boop" later, they're settled in to watch TV on the couch, just like some old never-married couple whose kid is away at college. Chris "treats" Lorelai to a bit of his wicked stepsister voice, much to her embarrassment. If he was worried about her breaking up with him over something tonight, I'd think it'd be that.
Rory and Logan are presumably full of tapas, wine, and flan as they lie on the rooftop, looking up at the stars (none of which is falling, because again, Logan's a filthy liar). He complains that light pollution in London makes this view impossible, and Rory asks if he's tired of London. "I'm tired of not being around you," he replies. She tries to fix that problem by quoting Johnson: "When you're tired of London, you're tired of life." Logan scoffs that Johnson was clearly never in a long-distance relationship, and Rory admits that Boswell was pretty much always around. Logan catches her trying to look at his watch, and she says that she still can't believe that he's here, or that he'll be leaving again in twenty-six hours and forty-five minutes. Logan tries to get her to look on the bright side: "That's an entire lifetime to a fruit fly." Rory lectures him about the difference between mayflies and fruit flies, probably in an attempt to make the evening feel like an entire lifetime to Logan. She asks if he can stay longer if his meeting goes well tomorrow, and then they talk about the website he's looking to buy, which sounds a lot like MySpace, except it's invitation-only (which sounds like Orkut, but whatever). Rory is quite sweetly supportive and excited about the site, however, going on and on about it and advising Logan to encourage the site's owners to order an expensive breakfast: "Then they have to sell it to you. It would be rude not to." Logan calls Rory a business genius, but he also calls her "Ace" again, so it kind of evens out. She says that she's been taking an Econ class with Richard, and Logan says that he's been working hard with his whole team, the members of which even have names: "Nick, Bobby, Philip." Then he starts going into all this new-media business-speak, rattling off jargon until he notices Rory grinning at him. She says she likes it, although her tone betrays that it strikes her as a little odd that the man she loves had basically turned into a Bizarro version of himself and she still digs him. He goes on reciting from e-Business For Dummies like he's talking dirty to Rory. "Oh, stop, I'm getting weak in the knees," she says sarcastically. But then they make out some more, so obviously it totally worked anyway.
Rory wakes up alone in bed, and Logan comes in all dressed up for his meeting like Lex Luthor, in a suit and purple shirt with no tie. It's 6 AM, and he's off to a pre-breakfast-breakfast with "Nickbobbyandphil" to go over notes and strategy for the actual breakfast. Is the man immune to jet lag? Because for viewers who are still looking for a redeeming quality in the guy, that's a stand-out trait right there. Rory's all reluctant to let Logan leave, and even playfully calls him a "work dork." He promises to be "all [hers]" for dinner afterward. Remember that later. Rory's mad at herself for wasting four and a half hours on sleep: "What are we down to now, fifteen hours?" She's literally holding onto Logan's arm while sitting up in bed, preventing him from leaving. "I'll let go, just one more kiss," she says. He starts to go for it, but when she lets go to get kissed, he ducks away, leaving her hanging. "Work dork," she calls after him. "Work dork-lover," he answers back.
Morning at the Dragonfly, and Michel's face is even more twisted in disdain than usual. It might even be disgust. If not, dare I say it, revulsion. Again, even more so than usual. Lorelai comes in, and whatever's getting to Michel hits her hard as well. It's an odor, clearly. A smell. A miasma. Something is rotten in Stars Hollow. "It smells like rotting cabbage," Lorelai gags, shocked. Michel adds, "Or with dense but subtle undertones of olives and tar." Sookie arrives, holding a kitchen towel over her nose and mouth and asking what's going on. "It's not coming from the kitchen?" Lorelai asks, which surprisingly doesn't earn her a smack across the chops; Sookie's too busy worrying that it's an olfactory hallucination, which she thinks is a sign of an impending heart attack. Lorelai doesn't think that they're having a "communal, massive heart attack." I always thought olfactory hallucinations were a precursor to a psychotic episode, and I would totally buy a massive, communal one of those on this show. Another one, I mean. Michel tries to blame the stink on some guests that he suspects of "traveling with decaying animal flesh." Lorelai dismisses that theory and tries to open the window, but that just makes it worse, because the stench is coming from outside. She slams it shut again. "So glad we tried that," Michel says, watery-eyed. Lorelai says that she's going outside to investigate. Sookie's right behind her, but Michel wants to wait and see if Lorelai makes it to the end of the block first. Sookie shames him into following, which he does while holding a fruit from the bowl under his nose. I'm just going to pause for a moment while I imagine Michel as a regular on C.S.I..
Okay, I'm back. Outside, the streets are thronged with townies holding cloths over their mouths and noses. Lorelai and her little entourage catch up with Kirk, who's strolling along unaffected as he says that Taylor called an emergency town meeting. "I'm not sure why," Kirk adds, because he doesn't think the smell is that bad. Not nearly as bad as, say, the length of time Kirk has been waiting to deliver another decent joke. Sookie wants to head right on over to the town meeting to find out what's going on, but Lorelai's heading back to the inn: "I'd rather smell this smell for the rest of my life than see Luke at a town meeting." Wow, that bad, huh? Michel and Sookie go ahead without her.
At the meeting, Taylor is presiding over an unruly citizenry. He begins by assuring everyone that the source of the odor is non-toxic: "It's pickles." Kerfluffle ensues. "Like, one giant pickle?" Kirk asks amid the commotion. Taylor explains that, three days ago, a train derailed outside of town and scattered seven thousand pounds of pickles and pickle brine along the tracks. The mess has been "baking in the hot sun" ever since (this line spoken while we can clearly see the paper jack-o-lanterns hanging from the ceiling directly behind him), and now that the wind's shifted, they're all suddenly living in Stench Hollow. People start turning on Taylor, and Babette screeches some weak crack about "Picklegate" that I've already wasted way too many words on. Sookie asks how hard it can be to clean up some pickles, and Taylor says that's not his concern. Over the increasingly noisy crowd, he explains that the mess isn't Stars Hollow's responsibility. The pickles themselves are from Ohio, the railroad company is incorporated in Delaware, and the pickle spill is on the Woodbridge side of the tracks. Do you care about this? Because nobody else in Stars Hollow does. Luke stands up and roars, "Just pick up the damn pickles, Taylor!" Taylor protests that the tab for the cleanup will run an "astronomical" $2500. "Sold!" Luke yells, to general agreement. Taylor calls a vote, and it's unanimous in favor, even Kirk. Taylor taps his gavel in defeat. "Pickle smell gone in forty-eight hours, along with everything good in Stars Hollow," he drama-queens, adjourning the meeting. And in case you're interested, I just transcribed every word Luke gets to speak in this episode.
Turns out that after Lorelai went back to the inn, she continued all the way to Christopher's neighborhood, where the two of them are watching Gigi play at the park. Lorelai rhapsodizes about fresh, pickle-less air, so clearly she got the skinny from Sookie and Michel before skipping town. Chris acts mock-hurt about Lorelai not actually being there because she's desperate to see him. "10% desperate to see you, 90% pickles," she assures him. She's even looking forward to Friday-night dinner at her parent's completely odorless house. And we learn that Christopher is invited, too. "You, me, Rory. Numbers, babe," Lorelai says. Chris laugh/yells at Gigi to keep her skirt down, prompting Lorelai to suggest skorts. Chris says that there's more news on the Sherry front: she called today and talked to Gigi for a half-hour. "That's as long as you can do anything when you're four," Lorelai says. And also when you're Lorelai, I'm thinking. Chris says that Sherry not only stands by everything she said in her letter; she also wants Gigi to come and stay with her in Paris for a couple of months. Lorelai goes wide-eyed at this, but Chris thinks it sounds like a great idea: "She's got to get to know her mother sometime, right?" He's too distracted by calling to Gigi not to climb so high to notice that Lorelai is quietly freaking out, so when she asks if Chris will go with Gigi, he says he'll just send the nanny with the kid: "I mean, she's dying to go. She's twenty-five years old, it's the chance of a lifetime." "Yeah, sure," Lorelai says noncommittally, as Chris gets up off the bench to keep Gigi from picking something up that she shouldn't. That could have so easily turned into one of those old Will Ferrell yelling-dad sketches. "I will CHAIN YOU to a PIPE in the BASEMENT if you don't keep your skirt down!"
At the newspaper office, Rory's in the middle of mediating an argument over who's going to be in charge of the paper while she's gone tonight. Bill claims that he, as managing editor, should run the place, while Paris claims superior experience. Bill points out that Paris ended up with a mutiny last time she was in charge. "It's not like anyone ever gave Captain Bligh another ship after the Bounty," he says. Wrong thing to say to Paris, who retorts, "Of course they did. Multiple ships. And by the time he died, they promoted the guy to Rear Admiral. Do you think the British Royal Navy ruled the world in the nineteenth century by letting that much natural talent and leadership capability go to waste just because a few whiny complainers wanted more breadfruit and less scurvy?" Well, I suppose the important thing is that Paris learned something from her experience. Rory's cell phone rings, and she asks them to take the discussion somewhere else, but then they start arguing about that, and she and her cell phone stomp off with a muttered "Oh, for God's sake."
It's Logan calling, from the back of a car somewhere, and he's got big news: they bought the company already. Well, that went well. ["Preposterously well, you might say." -- Wing Chun] Logan invites Rory to celebrate with him tonight, and she says that she's already cleared her schedule. "Tonight you'll be dining with a captain of industry," Logan boasts excitedly. Rory asks whether that involves a uniform. Logan just tells her to meet him later.
At the Dragonfly, Michel is lighting a veritable inferno of scented candles while he talks on the phone to a prospective guest, using a more pleasant tone of voice than I think I've ever heard from him. He sweetly inquires, "If all the air around you smelled like pickles and there was no place to run, no place to hide, would you find that bothersome?" Lorelai tries to enter through the front door, but she can't because Michel's jammed a bunch of rugs and blankets against the base of the door to keep the smell out. "No, that is not a metaphor," Michel tells the caller. "Perhaps it would be better if you checked in tomorrow night." He finally rings off and dons a handy surgical mask to admit Lorelai, who's still trapped outside and whining, "It's getting in my pores! My pores are pickling!" Michel lets her in and sprays air freshener at the edges of the door after he closes it behind her, going on about secret government chemical weapons testing. "That's a cheery thought," Lorelai says. Michel has more where that came from, but she's heard about all of the doom-c'est-ing she can take for now.
Lorelai heads straight for the kitchen, where Sookie has been busy combating the odor the best way she knows how -- by cooking. She says that she started with baked apples with cinnamon and nutmeg, but that didn't work, and neither did cooking with cheeses, breads, or chocolates. Someone's going to eat all that, right? Sookie says that she finally decided to "embrace the pickle," and while Lorelai goes on an olfactory free-association jag that leads from Milton Berle to the Carnegie Deli, Sookie lifts the lid off a pot and announces, "Pastrami!" She offers Lorelai a sandwich with some celery soda, but Lorelai's all full of Lunchables from the park. Sookie's unimpressed. "Don't judge what you do not understand," Lorelai warns. Even more unimpressed than she was with the Lunchables, Sookie comments, "Friday in the park with Christopher, hmm?" Lorelai gets all avoidy by snagging a celery soda out of the fridge after all, making the trenchant observation, "Soda that tastes like vegetables. Who'da thunk it?" Not even trying. And then she comes right back around to Christopher, telling Sookie about the whole Sherry/Gigi/apology thing. Sookie thinks that means Sherry wants to get back with Christopher, but Lorelai tells her about Jean-Claude or Jean-Pierre, the fake-named yoga instructor. She also tells her about Chris's plan to send Gigi to Paris with a "twenty-year-old nanny." Sookie: "And you told him that's insane." Except, Lorelai says, not so much. Which is weird, she realizes, because she's used to saying what she thinks, as Sookie well knows. But Lorelai's already figured this out: she thought she was talking to Luke: "Luke is the one who didn't want me getting involved in his kid's life, not Chris. Christopher is not Luke." Sookie agrees with that sentiment, heartily and yet neutrally. Not sure how she does that. Lorelai asks why all nutritious things aren't in soda form. "I swear I would eat my vegetables if only they were fizzy." And I would watch this show for free if only it still were.
Lorelai's cell phone rings, and she's happy to see that it's Rory, who's calling from Logan's apartment, in her bathrobe. Lorelai leads with the news that Stars Hollow smells like pickles: "A pickle train crashed." "Is this a joke?" Rory asks, becoming the first person to make that mistake. "Is this a long, boring joke that I'm not going to get?" she clarifies, suddenly going from completely wrong to spectacularly correct. Lorelai insists that she's telling the truth about the pickle train, and then does a little bit about what a good pickle train conductor she'd be. And then about what a good pickle train conductor Rory would be. "I can't believe I'm missing this," Rory says, and Lorelai responds, "Well, you can celebrate year on the anniversary." Ha! Okay, at least one of the new writers has this town's number. Rory says that she's bailing on tonight's Friday dinner, because Logan's in town. Lorelai gasps. "I can't believe you let me go on and on about pickle train conducting when you had actual news," she says, as if there would have been any stopping her. Lorelai asks how Logan and Rory are filling the six and a half hours Logan has left in the country, but then backs off, thinking maybe she doesn't want to know. Not that she's suggesting anything, of course: "You might be farming rutabagas or something, and I wouldn't want to know because, boring." Rory just tells her about the plan to meet Logan in Manhattan to celebrate his purchase of the company. Did Logan ever tell her exactly where to meet him, or is she just supposed to head into Manhattan and poke her head into places? It's not that big an island, after all. Rory rather insincerely apologizes for skipping Friday dinner at the G-rents, but Lorelai tells her not to worry: "I'm bringing your dad...I thought it was time he meet the parents." Heh. Rory says that's "pre-pickle news" as well. So Lorelai realizes that the whole conversation has gone all wrong and decides to start over: "Hi, Rory, how are you?" Rory: "Fine. Logan's in town." "Lorelai: "Oh, my goodness. That's wonderful." Rory: "We're farming rutabagas." Lorelai: "Oh, you're a filthy child. I will disown you. Bringing your father to dinner. Pickles, pickles pickles, smell, pickle train conducting." Rory: "Alas, alack." Lorelai: "Good talk." Rory: "The best." Lorelai: "Bye." Hang up. Nice old-school moment there, but it would have saved me a lot of time if they'd gotten the conversation right in the first place.
Later that evening, Rory arrives at a fancy Manhattan restaurant, where she tells the host that she's meeting someone. Logan meets her near the podium, and they veritably skip into each other's arms while doing some more riffing on the whole "captain of industry" thing. Really, they're just stalling while we wait to see exactly how this is about to blow up in Rory's face. Logan leads her to "our table," which turns out to be a table for five. Yes, he brought the team. He introduces his teddibly British associates, Philip, Nick, and Bobby. Except Bobby is actually Bobbi, and she's played by the blonde chick from those Orbit chewing gum commercials. And thus I spend the rest of the episode waiting for her to exclaim, "Fabulous!" Rory is completely and transparently thrown by this development, especially the fact that one of the guys is a hot blonde. Except nobody notices her displeasure, of course, least of all Logan as he asks her to sit down. Still flush from their triumph and therefore thoroughly obnoxious, the four members of the team immediately go back to talking amongst each other, going on boringly about the deal they closed today and Philip's apparently inhuman appetite, while Rory barely keeps from crying. Bobbi, sitting at Rory's right, takes a smidge of pity on her and says that she's heard a lot about Rory from Logan. Rory lies that the reverse is also true, in that completely exaggerated way that people on this show have. Logan's guys (and Bobbi! Fabulous!) order another bottle of champagne and another basket of bread for Philip while Rory pouts to herself. Hey, what's a pity party without champagne?
Christopher's driving Lorelai to dinner at Richard and Emily's, and he's got Skid Row playing on the radio, of all people. Somehow we don't hear the crash of the car driving right through the fourth wall. Lorelai invokes her rule against hair bands, and although that gets her nowhere, she draws the line at Chris saying, "'Killer'...'wack'...'rocking' or 'pimping' or 'slamming,' capisce?" "Fo' shizzle," Chris agrees gamely. "There's gotta be an eject button here somewhere," Lorelai says. Chris suggests that the two of them take off somewhere for a weekend. Lorelai's already got the destination picked out: "The Ice Hotel." In case you don't feel like following the link and never saw Die Another Day, she's referring to an actual hotel made entirely of ice. "Wouldn't it be amazing if you went down the hall and the ice machine was empty?" Christopher says, but Lorelai's serious about the idea. Well, mostly. She goes on and on about how guests get to wear parkas and fur hats, and sleep under reindeer skin and eat reindeer meat. I find myself in the position of agreeing with Christopher, who's kind of stuck on "get to." Lorelai points out that you can drink vodka there. Chris says they can drink vodka in Bermuda, too. "The Ice Hotel in Bermuda would totally melt," Lorelai duhs. So Christopher suggests two weekends: "Once we've been treated for frostbite and had our stomachs pumped of reindeer meat, we can go defrost on a beach somewhere." Because, you know Gigi's going to be out of the country for a while and all...
...which gives Lorelai her opening to belatedly express her doubts about the whole Paris plan. Christopher says that although he thinks he's been doing a pretty good job with the kid ("Amazing," Lorelai agrees sincerely), "it's hard, you know? It's really hard." Lorelai doesn't point out that she knows exactly how hard it is to raise a kid when said kid's other parent has totally bailed on you. Instead, she lets Chris go on to say that he needs to help bring Gigi and her mom together. Lorelai sees that, but isn't sure the best way to go is to put "a toddler alone on an airplane with an eighteen-year-old nanny who's totally psyched to go to France." "The nanny's twenty-five," Christopher says testily. At which age Lorelai had a nine-year-old, but whatever. Even without my help, this is pretty clearly escalating into an argument before our eyes.
As they pull up in the Gilmores' driveway and walk up to the door, Chris pulls the rather dickish move of accusing Lorelai of being threatened by Sherry. She denies it: "This is about me thinking I could speak openly and honestly about my concerns without getting freaked out on." It's just going to go downhill from there, but Lorelai's already rung the doorbell and asks Chris to drop it. Emily answers the door, completely amped to see both of them. Stoked, even. I would go so far as to say jazzed. Does she care that her guests hate each other right now? Well, that would require her to notice, and we all know that isn't going to happen.
Meanwhile, Rory's having a miserable dinner of her own, listening to Logan, along with Philip and Nick, go on and on about their meeting, and how it looked like the whole thing was about to fall through. Until Bobbi abruptly stood up and said, "Meeting's over, boys." She acts all shy about it now, but after much coaxing from the guys, she finally agrees to reenact the scene for Rory's benefit. Not that "benefit" is the word on Rory's mind right now. Judging from the look on her face, I'd say that that word would have to be "napalm." The gang orders another bottle (like they need one), and Bobbi again tries to be nice, turning to Rory to ask her about her major. When she hears Rory's studying English, she reminisces about doing nothing but reading while she was at Oxford. "It was such a luxury," she Brits. "Enjoy it while it lasts. Before you know it, you'll be out in the real world with the rest of us poor sods." Rory gracelessly points out that they seem to be having plenty of fun, which Bobbi credits to Logan. Rory tries to say something about how Logan also has a serious side, which would probably be more convincing if he weren't simultaneously licking her hand. "You two are so adorable," Bobbi remarks. Then she says, "Don't get too excited, boys. I'm just going to the loo," and makes a big production of standing up from the table again. The guys raucously approve. If it's possible to sulk raucously, Rory does that.
Dinner at the Gilmores'. Richard's telling some boring story about how he butted into some students' conversation about Franz Ferdinand, not realizing that the students were talking about the band and not the dead Archduke. That segues into a boring conversation about the pears in the salad, which in turn gives way to Richard rambling on about midterms. The salad course over, Emily gushes that she chose lamb for the main course, Chris's presence being such a special occasion and all. Then she brings up tennis, saying that they need new doubles partners because the people they play with now kind of suck. Not at tennis; it's just that the wife grunts a lot and wears plaid. "I can only think that it was designed to cause some sort of optic misfunction," Richard says. This is of course their way of inviting Lorelai and Christopher to play with them, and Chris and Lorelai are both too distracted by how pissed they are at each other to do anything but accept. Not that Emily notices anything wrong. If this scene is attempting to show us how stultifyingly dull Friday dinners would be without Lorelai's acting up all the time, I would deem it a rousing success.
The entree arrives, and Chris says that he likes lamb now, although he didn't when he was a kid. "I guess I've changed," he says, with a pointed look at Lorelai. "People do that sometimes." Lorelai huffs angrily at him, but Emily and Richard are too wrapped up in the riveting saga of Richard's late-onset fondness for radishes to take note of it. Radishes. Not making this up. Glaring at Chris, Lorelai remarks, "I don't like radishes. I guess it's because I find them threatening." "What a peculiar thing to say," Emily says, because even she can't miss the wind whipping through her hair as the clue train passes closer to her than ever. Not that she's any closer to parsing the situation between her guests. Richard proposes a toast: "To many more nights like this, and Lorelai and Christopher. Who knew, twenty-some-odd years ago, that we would be making plans to play doubles tennis?" Emily throws in bridge. Richard says that they've come a long way since their "rebellious youth." "Derelict," Emily says. "The word is 'derelict.'" Well, that got nasty in a hurry. Funny, though. Everyone drinks. Emily repeats her "derelict" charge, and reminds Richard of the time Lorelai and Christopher stole a bottle of wine that Richard had been saving for ten years, but because they didn't know from corkscrews, "they just cracked the top off with a brick and slurped what they could off the patio." Mmm, oaky and porchy. Lorelai smiles a little at Christopher, but he doesn't seem to notice. As Richard compliments them for "drinking very nicely out of glasses" tonight, Lorelai abruptly tells Chris that she needs to see him in the bathroom. Is there really that severe a room shortage in Richard and Emily's house? But Christopher doesn't question, and follows Lorelai away from the table, to her parents' mild consternation.
In the bathroom, Lorelai extends what she thinks is an olive branch: "You're not Sherry." In short, she thinks that Chris is taking Lorelai's criticism of Sherry personally: "You leaving Rory when you were sixteen is not the same as Sherry, a grown woman, packing up and leaving Gigi." She says that she gets why Chris is upset. "That's great, Lor," says Chris. "Thanks for telling me how I feel." He walks out, leaving Lorelai alone in there, looking like she kind of needs to light a match.
After dinner, Rory and Logan walk along the city-sidewalk set, holding hands. He's finally noticed that something's up with her, and after much cajoling, he gets her to tell him what's wrong. And even so, Rory's kind of a wimp about it: "This isn't exactly what I expected tonight." She thought that "celebrate" meant just the two of them. Well, he did say he was "all [hers]" this morning, but that was before his big win over the breakfast table. Logan reminds Rory that last night was just the two of them, and Rory says that was great and all -- so much so that she's sorry she's bringing it up. Logan apologizes for not being more clear on the phone, and for her not having a good time tonight, although any apology that begins with "Look" is automatically suspect, if you ask me. Rory lies that the guys are great: "Technically, Bobbi? Well, she's not exactly a guy." Logan smirks his agreement, and Rory says she thought Bobbi was a guy until she actually met her: "You know why? Because you never use personal pronouns."
Rory goes on to list a number of "Bobby"s who have dicks, while Logan just grins in the face of her rambling. "You are very cute when you're jealous," he finally tells her. She denies being jealous, and says it's not just that: "No one all night asked me anything about me." Logan reminds her that Bobbi did just that, but Rory says that Bobbi was condescending about it, and called them an adorable couple. "Wait, she said that out loud?" Logan deadpans. "You want me to go back there and kick her ass?" Rory bitches that nobody calls anything that lasts "adorable": "And excuse me, but how many times does a girl need to stand up at dinner? Yes, you have legs. We get it. 'Oh, no, Iâm not leaving, I'm just going to the loo,'" she mock-Limeys. "Here's a tip: You're in America now. Speak English." Aw, Rory and her cute new xenophobia. Logan gets it too; he understands that "you would prefer that I work only with girls who have no legs." He tells her not to be jealous, saying of Bobbi, "She's great at what she does. She's smart, she's talented." Well, that'll fix the whole jealousy thing. Rory says, "So now I'm not just an idiot, I'm an anti-feminist idiot. An anti-feminist who's standing here in the street, arguing about things I don't want to be arguing about." In other words, she's mad at herself for not fully enjoying the twenty-six hours Logan's in town: "You think I like this about myself? Wrong. I hate myself for being this way. I hate Bobbi for her professionally tweezed eyebrows and her oh-so-incredible ability to stand up at a moment's notice. And most of all, I hate the fact that in a few seconds you'll be in that car leaving me again." You know what I hate? I hate the fact that neither of them seems to realize that maybe it's a trouble sign in your relationship if you find yourself arguing in person after being apart for months. Logan just tells Rory that she used an awful lot words to say "I miss you." Welcome to the show, Logan. She begs him for a response, and he only comes back with "I miss you too, Ace." She complains that he only used five words, but he says that he's not done yet. However, any tongue-flapping he does after that is confined to the inside of Rory's mouth. Just as well for him. She might realize that a more valid argument would be for her point out that he gets to spend all kinds of time with the team back in London, but he never gets to see her, and it simply wouldn't do for her to bring that up, now, would it?
But in Rory's defense, she can't only blame herself for never learning to pretend to have a nice time at dinner; clearly there was no way she was ever going to learn it from her mother. Lorelai and Christopher are having after-dinner drinks with Richard and Emily as the 'rents go on boringly about winter tennis, while the members of the younger couple gaze miserably at their knees, completely tuned out. Finally, Christopher turns to Lorelai and mutters, "I know I'm not Sherry." Emily's briefly distressed to think that Chris got sherry instead of port, but Chris ignores her and asks Lorelai to come to Paris with him: "You were right. I should take Gigi myself, check everything out." Lorelai agrees, melting faster than a Bermuda Ice Hotel. Emily and Richard struggle to keep up, until Lorelai finally remembers that her parents are there, and announces that she and Chris are going to Paris. Chris says that it'll be in a couple of weeks, so they'll have to reschedule the tennis date. Lorelai twists the knife: "Yeah, totally 12th of never. We don't play tennis or golf or bridge or any game that can be played in a foursome, except hangman and sometimes Pictionary." ["They're really missing out by boycotting mah jongg." -- Wing Chun] Emily wonders what's going on with Lorelai all of a sudden: "You were being so pleasant all evening." Of course to Emily, "pleasant" means "quiet" where her daughter is concerned. Either way, she really should have noticed that something was up. The doorbell rings as Lorelai finally digs into the rhubarb pie that's been sitting in front of her this whole time. Rory comes in, and Lorelai tells her she's just in time for the viewing of Emily's mug shot. She pulls out her cameraphone, and even Richard hops up from his spot to Emily to join in the group mocking of his jailbird wife. Rory asks whether Emily had to wear handcuffs; Christopher says no, but that she had "one of those ankle things with a chain and a cannonball on the end." Lorelai piles on with a crack about a stripy outfit. Emily sits and pouts, making us three for three on grumpy Gilmore women for the evening.
Later, Christopher drives Lorelai and Rory home in his car. This makes me wonder how Rory's been getting around up until this point in the evening, but never mind. We're almost done. Anyway, Christopher looks for a song on the radio that they can all agree on. Lorelai says no to Jewel, Rory says no to Quiet Riot, and neither of them wants to hear Kenny G. Finally, Chris lands on an oldies station playing Jay & the Americans' "Come A Little Bit Closer." They bond silently over their shared enjoyment of the music, and Chris even does a dorky little head bob along with the beat. It's kind of a sweet moment. If this goes on very long, I'm going to start gagging and making grossed-out faces. But then they do instead, as they enter the pickle-stink zone, and I feel much, much better.