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Lorelai and Luke struggle to choose a paint color for their walls. Luke becomes a sponsor for the baddest, newsiest, bad news bears girls' soccer team that ever tore down the field. Rory is starting to feel the strain of being under Emily's constant, burning gaze, and fakes her out by lying about her nightly wherabouts. Unfortunately, she's been hanging out with Logan and his dumb, drunk friends, being their designated driver. Jess materializes out of the past, all cleaned up and with his newly-published book under his arm. Rory is glad to see him, but is not so glad to see Logan act like a jerk and dog him out. Speaking of dogs, Paul Anka gets sick, and Lorelai transfers all her shame about Rory's failures onto him. Meanwhile, all those failures are coming home to roost. Jess finally, FINALLY pulls the wool off Rory's eyes about her lame behavior, and they have a showdown that seems to wake her up to her own dumb-assity. She gets tough with herself, with Logan, and with her grandmother. Maybe our little girl is actually growing up. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Oh my Goooooooooood, the renovations at Lorelai's house are still going oooooooooooooonnnnnnn. And now Luke, Lorelai, and Paul Anka are at the MOST painful and difficult part: choosing a paint color. Lorelai can't decide on a combo, and I feel for her. I mean, I'd like to bust on her, but I have recently spent agonizing hours doing the same thing, causing my mother loudly to give false witness, in front of the entire staff of the Lowe's (no relation) paint section, that I am "legally colorblind." Anyway, Luke is giving off vibes of impatience. He's tired of waiting, and refuses to go away, since the last time he left Lorelai alone to think about it, she was looking at the reds, again, and she doesn't even like red. Going to get a beer, he notices that several pairs of her shoes are lined up at the bottom of the stairs. She says that Paul Anka has been systematically marching her shoes downstairs, and she has no idea why. She won't let Luke take them back upstairs: "No, I want him to march them back up himself. How else will he learn?" Luke sighs, calls Paul Anka a weirdo, and sits down. Lorelai wonders aloud why she said she didn't like red. Luke's about to crack, and asks about the white she had picked out before that they liked. "It didn't go with Paul Anka," she says, holding the chip up to the dog. It totally does NOT go with Paul Anka, either. Luke tells her that if she doesn't pick a color before the painters get ready to paint, they'll go on another job and won't be back for weeks. Lorelai asks Paul Anka what color he would prefer. He licks "dark magenta" for the walls, baseboards, and the ceiling. "You've got the Queer Eye, my friend," Lorelai tells him.
Rory wakes up in the Big House to her grandmother's early, loud knocking. Not sure why they showed us that thirty seconds...
...since we cut directly from there to the diner, where Lorelai is still torturing Luke with her indecision on the paint colors. Apparently, she has settled on the perfect color schemes for...everyone else's houses. "I showed Sookie that 'blanched almond,'" she says. "She flipped." They are still hashing it out when two little girls and a lady kind of drift up, waiting. "Hey," Lorelai tells Luke, "I think the Lullaby League is looking for you." The little girls introduce themselves as Megan and Tillie. "We go to Stars Hollow Middle School," Megan says. "You went there." Hee. Luke says yes, he did. They want him to sponsor their soccer team -- their old sponsor, Luger's Bait &Tackle, is closing. "Oh, that's right," Lorelai says, "They're shutting down. Luger's wife caught him at that motel with the transves..." -- she remembers the kids are there and changes course -- "ssistor...radio. And he retired, honorably." The girls tell Luke that, as a sponsor, he'd just have to buy their jerseys and stuff. He wouldn't even have to come to their games. He declines, uncomfortably, saying it's not really his thing.
The girls walk off; Lorelai can't believe Luke turned them down: "Wow. Oliver Twist just kindly asked for a little more gruel, and you kicked him right in the junk." Haaaaaaa! I will always laugh at jokes about kicking literary characters in the nuts. Luke is confused. "You broke those darling little girls' hearts," Lorelai explains. He says they'll find somebody else, and that he doesn't want to coach a soccer team. Lorelai tells him they don't need a coach: "How closely were you listening?" Luke says not very, since kids usually just yammer. Lorelai kinds of dogs him out about the sponsorships, making him feel jealous of Al's Pancake World, which sponsors a team and has its picture hanging in the restaurant. "Oh, Al's," Lorelai rhapsodizes, back on her original subject. "Sea green with burnt sienna trim..." Luke breaks down and goes over to the girls, agreeing to sponsor them.
Back at The Grandparents', Rory is headed out somewhere and is on her cell phone, talking to Logan. Apparently, he has once again been called into last-minute service by his father ["suspicious!!!" -- Wing Chun], and has to go on some business trip to visit a newspaper in Omaha. Whatever. He doesn't know where Omaha is, but no matter; he is organizing a blow-out get-together with his friends to, I don't know, celebrate his leaving town? I'd go to that party. Rory agrees to attend, and has to do evasive maneuvers to avoid running into Emily, who is sitting at the dining table. "My grandmother is everywhere," Rory says. Logan nods: "The older generation. They have their methods of ubiquity." Rory says she's convinced that there are really five Emilys wandering the house "like she's a Cylon." Hilarious. See how great it is when Rory gets good lines? It's cute, and nobody hates her. She's right, too, as Emily chooses the moment to materialize and stop Rory before she can get out the door. She makes passive-aggressive chitchat, asking where Rory's off to, and whether she'll be sleeping over at Paris's again, tonight. Oh, now, come on. She asks what Rory's preference is for dinner that night, and Rory says she may not be there for dinner. Emily goes cold, telling her it's always best to give twenty-four hours' notice. Shamed, Rory apologizes, and then has to repeat over and over that she really has to go. Emily stops her again, though, to pull a dress out of...where? The dining room? It's a dress she's chosen for Rory to wear to the upcoming Russian Tea Rory is organizing for the DAR. Rory says she'll try it on later, and bugs out.
Back in her living room that evening, Lorelai is trying to trying to harass Babette into choosing Lorelai's paint colors for her. Babette says that choosing paint is harder than choosing a cantaloupe, which is really hard! Lorelai leans in for the kill: "I don't know if you're aware of this, but, um, if the painters are ready to paint and you don't have your colors ready, they'll leave and you'll never see them again." Luke yells from the kitchen to Babette, telling her not to let Lorelai bully her. Lorelai tells him to leave them alone and go about his business. "You're being cruel to Babette," Luke answers, "and you're going to rot in hell for this!" Lorelai is incredulous, and Babette needlessly apologizes for causing an argument. Lorelai finally sighs and says she knows she has to choose the colors herself. Babette gives Lorelai a bunch of brochures for Paul Anka -- doggy day care, training, etc. Lorelai says that when Paul Anka meets other dogs on walks, he'll bark at them, and then when they turn around and look at him, he'll play dead. Babette says that, in any case, he's the cutest basket case she's ever seen. I can't imagine why Paul Anka is such a freak. I mean, everyone surrounding him is so calm and healthy.
Babette leaves, and Lorelai finds Luke in the kitchen choosing jersey styles for the soccer team. He tells the vendor over the phone that he wants the best stitching, even if it costs double. Dude, isn't Luke the cheapest guy on the planet? I guess not. Also, why did I give this episode an A-? I can't remember. It is so boring so far, I cannot even muster the funny. What happens later that made me like it? Seriously, I can't remember right now. I wish I had a recap for this recap. Anyway, Luke orders the jerseys and, on Lorelai's insistence, orders one each for her, himself, and Paul Anka. Lorelai is proud of the way Luke has embraced the whole soccer-team thing. Luke says his friend Ed told him that the team was good, and had the potential to go all the way. Lorelai's eyes light up. She says that, one day, someone will make a movie about the reluctant, handsome diner owner who sponsors a team all the way to the national finals. "And you know who would play you?" she says. "Tobey Maguire." Luke says he's way too young, and then all casually goes "What about that Vito Morgenstern?" Lorelai: "Sure, or Viggo Mortenson. Or...Donald Sutherland." Good one, Lorelai. Luke says that Sutherland is too old: "He's got jowls!" They are distracted by Paul Anka, whose weird behavior is escalating. He comes into the kitchen and begs and scratches to go into Rory's closed room. Lorelai worries over him as Luke calls the vendor back to order more stuff for the team.
It's folk night at Logan's gang's favorite bar, much to their collective chagrin. The singer is performing "Tom Dooley" while Colin, Finn, and Logan become increasingly more annoying. Colin makes some weird jokes about the song that I only half get because of his exaggerated fake drunkenness. I hate these characters. Is this how the kids tie one on these days? ["Yes, only even less wittily." -- Wing Chun] It upsets me. Logan is wearing his dumb jacket again -- the one with the ratty seams that screams "I'm so rich, I'm poor!" -- and his hair is oh-so-appropriately tousled as he orders another round. Rory wonders why he'd do that, since he has a drink in front of him, and he explains that he's anticipating his future needs: "You don't wait until your drink's done. That's for amateurs." Rory rolls her eyes: "Right. I forgot you went pro." Oh, Rory. Man, it sucks being this age and being out with this guy and raise your hand if you've been there, because haven't we all? I feel like we're minutes away from one of the guys saying something like "Relax, he's only had seven beers!" They talk loudly about some other dumb shit, I don't know, until someone at the neighboring table asks if they'd shut up so that he can hear the singer. Colin wonders aloud if that's the singer's boyfriend. Finn remarks that it's probably her brother. "Or, both," Colin quips. "They could be Southern." How do I hate them? LET ME COUNT THE WAYS. Wait, wait. Do I need to count them? I mean, I'm Southern, so I can't actually count, so let me just say that calling them stupid would be an insult to stupid people and that I can ONLY assume that the girls are still at the table because they accidentally sat down in a pool of beer and they're afraid to stand up. Siiiiigh. Logan suggests that they start a new drinking game: "Every time the folk singer sounds sincere, take a drink." Har har. They satisfy themselves with throwing napkins at her instead, and still Rory and the other girls just go on sitting there like a bunch of Geishas.
At closing time, Rory has to wrangle all three boys, by herself, out into the street, where they further make idiots of themselves, further insult the institution of dramatic arts by behaving like fourteen-year-olds girls who just sipped one wine cooler and "like, got totally drunk," and just infuriating me overall. Somehow, Rory gets Logan, who is complaining non-stop about having to go to Omaha the day, into the car and looks up to see that Finn and Colin have disappeared. We cut away, assuming of course that Rory has to run AFTER them, but hoping and praying instead that she gets into the car and drives around the corner where they are staggering through the street, and runs OVER them.
In the scene, we see her pulling back up the Big House, alone. She gets out and, hearing a noise, turns quickly to find none other than her first bad boy, Jess, standing there as if he materialized out of nowhere.
Let me say a few words about Jess. I didn't watch the show during the seasons where he was prominently featured, but I understand from the recaps that...well, there is some extreme Jess-hatred on the part of your average GG fan. Wing Chun, for example. I get the crazy, psychic feeling that she doesn't love him. ["Indeed, you have The Shine." -- Wing Chun] I kind of like Jess in this episode, but I have been told to reserve my judgment of him as the reemergence of his assy-ness is surely inevitable. ["He's definitely more tolerable than he was back in the day, but (a) that's not saying much, (b) he looks better by comparison to Logan, and (c) I will have no problem with him being Rory's friend, but he was a terrible boyfriend." -- Wing Chun] Right now, though, Jess is just weird, showing up in The Grandparents' driveway in the middle of the night. How did he know when she would be home? What was he going to do if she was there, but in bed? Ring the doorbell? Rory is surprised to see him, and a bit flustered. "Hi...I...Sorry." She stops herself: "That wasn't a sentence." He laughs and says he got the gist. She asks what he's doing there, and he jokes that he has a new job as a professional driveway skulker. Rory: "Pay's good?" Jess: "Yeah, but the hours suck." Aw. Do I really have to hate him? Come on! He's way cuter than NotCuteDean! Jess says that no, really, he's in town on some "business," and that Luke told him where Rory was. He tells her he has something he wants to show her, and she suddenly remembers that they're standing in the driveway. "We're kind of exposed, here," Rory says, indicating Emily's window, above. He says he could come back another time, which is also weird, because...if you could come back at another time, why are you there at 2 in the morning? Rory invites him inside, saying they have to be quiet as her G-mother is a light sleeper...
...and then promptly takes him to her bedroom, conveniently located door to her light-sleeping grandmother. This huge house and grounds and her only option is that room? Sometimes this show stresses me out. Rory makes excuses for her room, saying it's not really decorated to her tastes. "Yeah," he says, "not unless you've aged about ninety years." It is pretty chintzy. I can't believe Emily hasn't redecorated. Rory makes more excuses, kind of trying to explain why she's staying there -- that there's some trouble between her and her mom -- but Jess doesn't push her to explain. He asks why she's even there, if school's in session, and she finally has to tell him she's not going. "You graduate already, Doogie?" he jokes. No, Rory says. She's just taking a little time off. "'Time off,'" Jess repeats, in that "I may be a ne'er-do-well, but at least I'm not lying to myself" kind of way. She nods, feeling the burn. She changes the subject, asking where he's living now. He tells her not to laugh, and says he's in Philadelphia now. She agrees that Philadelphia's gotten cool, to which I say: how would you know, Rory? And also, when wasn't Philadelphia cool? Whatever, they babble kind of stupidly about how cool Philly is and how Rory saw a picture in The New York Times of some Philadelphia artists and yada yada...
Rory trails off, and Jess realizes she's nervous. "It's been a long time," she acknowledges. He's nervous, too, so he gets down to business, pulling from his bag the thing he wants to show her. It's a book. Rory nods, wondering what it's all about, until she realizes that it's a book he wrote, himself. "You wrote a book?" she asks, incredulous. She repeats it over and over as he explains that it's a short novel: "I got it to these guys that have a small press. They read it. I don't know if they were high, or something, but they decided to publish it." Rory is speechless. Jess kind of shrugs it off, saying it's not that big a deal -- that there's no money in it, but that he's in town to try to talk bookstores into stocking it. He's gotten it into a few, he says. Rory is thrilled for him. "I want to see it in a store," she says. She says that when she does see it, she's going to sneak it up to the staff recommendations section in the front and write her own recommendation on a card and attach it. I love it. Man, when Pamie's book came out, my husband and I went to every bookstore in town, moved her book to the front tables, made it face out on the shelves, photographed ourselves with it, had loud conversations in the aisles about what brilliant literature it was...it is AWESOME to see a friend in print. Rory is very proud. She says she knew Jess was capable of doing something like this. He says he knows she's always known, and goes on to say that he works at the press that published his book, now, and that he likes it. As he gets up to leave, saying it's kind of late, he tells Rory he wanted to show her the book because he couldn't have done it without her. She thanks him, touched. He says that he'd like to see her again, since he's going to be around for a few days, and they make arrangements to meet the night.
Luke and Lorelai are at the soccer field, ready to see Luke's team in action. Lorelai wonders where the bleachers are, and when Luke says they don't have those at these games, wonders where they'll go when they want to sneak off and make out. "I don't think they'd mind," he says, "if we did it right here in front of them." Hee. "So," Lorelai says, "these are 'soccer moms.'" Luke says yeah, or just bored spinsters. "They seem very concerned with education and national security," Lorelai jokes. Cute, but what's with that spinsters line, anyway? I don't even get that. Plus, shut up Luke. I love you, but your jersey looks like an apron and you are wearing fingerless gloves, which is dinky. One of the moms rushes over to greet them and says that Luke will be proud, since the girls really give it their all on the field. He's more concerned with the uniforms, and mocks the other team's cheap fabric and stitching. "Look at the sponsor," Lorelai says. "Fred's Dry Cleaning. Ruined a favorite sweater years ago. Today he pays." Tillie and Megan run over, preciously cute in their uniforms, and thank Luke. He reminds him that there will be a celebration at the diner after the game, win or lose. The girls say they think they have a shot at winning, and take off for the field. Lorelai mentions to Luke that she took Paul Anka to doggy day care that morning, and that she thinks it's going to go well for him: "He played dead for a couple seconds, and when that didn't work, he ran off playing with the other dogs." Luke looks genuinely uncomfortable with the constant dog discussion, and says he is sure Paul Anka will be fine.
The game starts, and Luke and Lorelai begin to notice that these sweet little girls are, uh, not so sweet on the field. Elbows are thrown, shins are kicked, and Lorelai finally has to ask, "Who is their coach, Sam Peckinpah?" Heee. I thought this whole thing was going to be a set-up about how the girls just wanted to play, but the parents were all overaggressive and crazy but, no. It's the girls who are kicking ass, and I love it.
Luke and Lorelai are disturbed and can barely watch the carnage. They run to the truck after the game, speechless. "It was Scarface on the soccer field!" Lorelai says. They shiver as they remember the blood on the jerseys, and duck down to avoid seeing one of the girls. "Killers!" Lorelai says. "Killers, all!" She says she doesn't want to go to another game. Luke agrees, and they speed away.
Later that night, Jess has arrived at the Big House to go out to dinner with Rory. They talk about where to go, and Rory doesn't have any suggestions. His only requirement is that they not go somewhere with food in the title. "'Olive'...'Chili'...'Soup,'" he explains. "No 'Gardens,' no 'Plantations.'" ["Mmmm, Souplantation. I could go for a fifty-foot salad bar right now. Shut up, Jess." -- Wing Chun] Jess suggests that they try the college district to find "something funky." They're about to make their escape when none other than Logan drives up. Ugh. The dick-measuring starts immediately. Rory makes the polite introductions, even indicating that Logan is her boyfriend, and the boys stare in manly silence at one another. Well, I mean, as manly as Logan can be with his Backstreet highlights, and all. Rory tries her old mainstay -- babbling -- to cover the awkwardness, but it doesn't work. Jess looks on calmly as Logan postures with every ounce of his ego, even going so far as to invite himself out with them and leading Rory to his car, suggesting that Jess follow, alone. Ooooh, snap. Rory looks very uncomfortable and my Grinch heart grows three sizes on Jess's behalf. I don't care if the guy mugged Miss Patty in the town square and set the gazebo on fire in a past season. Compared to Logan, I love him.
Lorelai arrives at home to find her shoes lined up down the hallway, leading to Paul Anka, who is laid out in front of Rory's room. She bends to comfort him, wondering what in the world is going on with this shoe thing.
At Luke's, the team is celebrating their shut-out massacre of the Fred's Dry Cleaning team. Luke is trying to suggest a calmer, gentler game. "They ate some dirt!" one of the girls yells, and Megan and Tillie explain that being aggressive is part of the game. "You're not being competitive," Megan says, "if your jersey doesn't have a little O-negative on it." Awesome. I love Megan, especially when Luke suggests that maybe it isn't cool to do a bicycle kick on another girl's head. Megan leans back, throwing her hands up: "She was all up in my grill!" Luke says he knows, and that he doesn't like it when people are all up in his grill, either, but that there are ways besides violence to deal with it. Tillie insists that they just play the way the boys play, and Luke says that yeah, but boys are boys, and girls are girls. Oops. Way to go, Luke. The needle comes off the record, and they all turn to stare at him. Megan puts her head in her hands. "So," Tillie says, "we're just supposed to play like cute little girls at some tea party?" Good one, Tillie. The girls yell that they want to win, so they gotta kick some butt! Luke is amazed and leaves to answer the phone as the team goes over the beat down again. It's Lorelai. She's really worried about Paul Anka. He won't eat or walk around or anything. She says that the vet said that he has some kind bug and that she should let him be. She's still really worried, though, and Luke says he'll be over as soon as he can get the brawlers out of the diner. "They eat like pigs," he says, "so it should be soon." As he hangs up, we hear a cute little voice from the table recounting to cheers how "she went one way, and her knee went the other!" Yeah! Eat it, all you Title IX naysayers! In your face!
A painful scene is being played out back at Logan's favorite pub, where he has brought Rory and Jess for dinner. Jess says that the place is fine with him, and Logan suggests that he not try to come on Folk Night. Jess says he's not a big fan of folk music. "That's something we have in common," Logan smarms, as he orders another round for everyone and generally acts like Dr. Seuss on speed, asking if Rory and Jess used to date. Rory says yes. "Ah, no hemming, no hawing," Logan says. "Good course of action." He asks Jess what he does, and Jess blandly answers, "This and that." Not good enough for Logan, who is getting about as aggressive now as Tillie on a penalty kick. "Describe the 'this,'" he says. "Describe the 'that.'" Rory is getting annoyed, and explains that Jess writes, and that he has just published a book. Logan asks how big a book it is: "Short novel? Kafka-length? Or, longer? Dos Passos? Tolstoy? Little longer? Robert Musil? Proust? I'm not throwing you with these names, am I?" Ugh. Oh, yes, Logan, you're a literary scholar. Jess deadpans that Logan seems very obsessed with length. Awesome. Logan keeps it up, saying that he should just write down all his random thoughts, add a bunch of "he said"s, "she said"s, and get it published. I must tell you now the story of this dude who was on a blind date with a friend of mine once, in my presence, whose insecurity was so ripe and so palpable that you could not mention an accomplishment or a profession without him one-upping you to beat the band. We called him The Lumberjack, because I believe cutting timber in the Arctic Circle was the last thing he claimed to be capable of doing. He also referred to Céline Dion as being from "Canadia" and, when very, very politely corrected, got offended and huffed, "What, that's not the way you say it?" I will never forget that asshole as long as I live. Logan is that guy. Logan tells Jess he ought to send him a copy of his book. "Well..." Jess says. "Where do I send it? 'The Blond Dick at Yale'?" HA HA HA! Can you really say "dick" on TV like that, now? ["At least since Felicity, where it was Ben Covington's favourite insult." -- Wing Chun] I don't know how I feel about it, but I love it right here. On that note, Jess gets up to leave, amid Logan's mocking protests, and Rory goes after him, telling Logan not to follow her.
Outside, Rory catches up with Jess and tries to apologize to him, making excuses for Logan -- he's tired and dealing with his family and has had a lot to drink. "What the hell is going on?" Jess says, shaking his head. Rory starts repeating that Logan's just tired and his family is dumb, but Jess interrupts her. "No," he says. "With you. What's going on with YOU?" Rory is confused and asks what he means. He tells her she knows what he means -- that he knows her better than anyone and that the life she's living isn't "her." Rory still doesn't get it. "What are you DOING?" Jess continues. "Living at your grandparents' place, being in the DAR? No Yale? WHY did you drop out of YALE?" No, really, I love Jess. Man, Rory has had this smackdown coming for a while. Why is he the only one who delivers? She gets offended, telling him that the situation is complicated and that he doesn't know, but he goes on: "This isn't YOU. What's going ON?" Rory is speechless, but man, oh, man -- say what you want about the beautiful Alexis Bledel, but it's coming across loud and clear here that Rory is beginning to see the sad reality of her whole situation. "I don't know..." she says, again, kind of pitifully, and the disappointment shows in Jess's face. He walks away, but turns again to say that he remembered her birthday was a couple of weeks ago, and wishes her a happy one. She smiles at him, sadly...
...and then, pausing for only a second, Rory stomps back into the bar for a SHOWDOWN with Fratty McGee, who is still throwing back drinks. He tries to joke around with her, but it doesn't work. "You were a jerk, Logan," she says, as we watch her lately non-existent backbone begin to knit itself back together. Logan says hey, he was just "challenging" the sensitive writer, and that if Jess had any Hemingwayesque pugnacity, he would have thrown a punch or two. He tells her not to let Jess get to her, but she corrects him that it's HIM who is getting to her: "He wrote a book, and you mocked him." Logan denies that he mocked Jess. "He's doing something," Rory continues. Logan shakes his head. "Good, he's doing something," he says. "Everybody in the world is doing something; more power to 'em." Rory says, however, that she's not doing something. She's not doing anything! And she's mad about it! Finally!: "I'm living with my grandparents." Logan says it's temporary, and that she should have a drink. "I'm palling with my grandmother," she goes on. "I'm being waited on by a maid. I come home and my shoes are magically shined, my clothes are magically cleaned, ironed, and laid out. My bed is magically turned down. I'm...in the DAR? I'm...going to meetings and teas and cocktail parties?"
Rory's in a reality spiral, and Logan tries again to suggest that she have a drink. Speaking of drinking, Rory has an opinion on that, too, all of a sudden: "I'm wasting my time, partying and drinking. Just hanging out, doing nothing." Logan somehow takes offense, telling her not to pull him into this. Rory says she didn't say anything about him, but he goes on, saying he can't be blamed for her drinking and partying: "That's your choice. When I ask you out, you can say no." Rory says that drinking and partying is all they do, and he takes issue, again. "It's all YOU do," she corrects herself, and the shit hits the fan. "That's my prerogative," he says. "Because come June, my life is over." Rory rolls her life. "Oh, yes," she snarks. "Your horrible life -- let's hear about it." Um, Rory? Can you not see the anvil of irony that looms ever closer to your head? No. Well, I guess Logan's going to have to spell it out for you. He tells her that no one is stopping her from making whatever she wants to happen, happen. "Go into journalism," he says, beginning to yell. "Go into politics! Be a doctor; be a clown! Do whatever you want!" She whines that it's not as easy when it's not handed to you. DUDE, SHUT UP, RORY. What has not been HANDED to your skinny ass?! Oh my GOD. I mean, I am glad that Rory is figuring it out right here, and everything, but she needs to stop tripping for a second and maybe pull a hanky out of her purse that costs more money than my life insurance would pay out if I died from a stroke right now caused by the combined ridiculousness of these two rich, intelligent asses arguing about whose life is harder. Logan says he has no choice about how his life is going to go, and that his family forces everything on him, and screams that Rory cannot blame him from her dropping out of Yale. He finally calms down and tries to get her to leave with him, but she refuses. Throwing money down on the table to cover the bill and her cab fare home, he leaves, telling her that staying is her choice.
In her blue Chanel, Emily goes to knock on Rory's door the morning at 7:30. She finds the room empty, not having been slept in.
At Lorelai's, Luke wakes up to an empty bed, himself. He follows the path of shoes down to Rory's room, where Lorelai has been sitting up with Paul Anka. She has been watching him all night. Sweet Lauren Graham; she is amazing. She cries about Paul Anka -- he got cold in the middle of the night, so she put his soccer jersey on him. This scene tore me up, I'm not ashamed to admit. I love my damn dog so much, to the point of obsession, that it is embarrassing. When his canine nemesis across the street attacked him by our mailbox, I screamed like Sally Field in Not Without My Daughter. I know Lorelai's angst here is all about transference -- she once again feels that she's failed as a parent, like she thinks she did with Rory. She thinks Paul Anka was messing with her shoes to try to tell her to put her shoes on and take him to the vet so that he could get better. "I tried so hard," she says. "I have a list of things that he's afraid of, on the fridge. And I tried to do the right thing....I did this wrong. How could I have let this happen?" Luke tries repeatedly to console Lorelai. "How can I not fix these things?" she asks. "I'm a bad mother!" Luke says she needs to stay home that day and says he will call Sookie for her. Aw. I mean, I'm crying about the dog, but Luke's sweet, too.
Rory has spent the night at Lane's, apparently, and is now headed out for the DAR event. Waste of Lane! We need more Lane! One scene is not enough! Rory thanks her for providing a place to crash. Lane says that any time Rory needs to is fine, and that she can't wait to hear the whole story. Rory sips her coffee and says she's "still living it." Lane tells her that she has a message on her cell phone from Rory's grandmother, and wonders how Emily even got the number. Rory sighs. "She's Emily Gilmore," Rory says, in explanation, and takes off for the event...
....which seems to be going swimmingly. Rory is handling the catering when Emily arrives (in another suit? Why would she change?) and insists on going somewhere and talking privately, right now. Rory refuses, saying she's needed there. Emily complains that the balalaikas are too loud, and demands again that Rory go with her to talk. Rory is mad and not having it, and says she will talk to her later. Emily flogs on, complaining that Rory is not wearing the dress she laid out, and Rory says that she is overreacting, and that she did not have time to go home. "You almost missed the event!" Emily says. "No," Rory corrects, highly frustrated, "I was early for the event. What I missed was your inspection of me back at the house; that's what you're upset about." Emily is incredulous, and says her "inspections" are for Rory's own good, since she doesn't know the proper DAR procedures for things. "I do okay," Rory says. Emily complains that Rory's address book, which she used to call people because she was worried about her, is ridiculous and outdated and that she's going to throw it out. Rory gets very mad, telling her not to do that. "I want to be very clear," she says. Emily's pissed: "You are becoming more and more like your mother with every passing day." Rory goes right back: "And you are becoming more like my mother's mother with every passing day." Aw, snap. Finally! Emily's head spins around and she tries to ground Rory, who reminds her that she is twenty-one and cannot be grounded. Oh, and by the way, Grandma? She hasn't been spending the night with Paris. She's been at Logan's. Emily can't take it. She lets loose the old "young lady, when your father gets home" threat, and Rory stops her. "You mean my grandfather?" she says, and snaps that she'd have to be living at the house to abide by their ridiculous house rules. Emily asks what she means by that, and with an ominous "You know what I mean," Rory snits off, leaving her grandmother standing there to face down the ringing balalaikas.