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So we pick up where we last left off, with Richard on Lorelai's doorstep coming up with all these cockamamie plans to trick Rory into going back to Yale, from buying her a town house to changing the terms on her trust fund. Lorelai tells him to go blow, finally stating for the record that she's ready to help Rory as soon as she asks, but not before. We also learn that Rory's about to turn twenty-one, and that the girls had this whole plan about this birthday involving blackjack in Atlantic City and twenty-one guys, but they both realize that plan isn't going to come to fruition, and are both sad about it. Logan offers to take Rory to A.C. instead, because he doesn't get her -- and she may kind of know it because she didn't even tell him she had a birthday coming up; he had to find out from Emily, who wants to throw her a tasteful, fun party with youthful sushi and DAR ladies. Rory gets Emily to put Lorelai on the guest list, but Lorelai assumes that the invitation is another manipulation of her parents' and ignores it until Rory calls to browbeat her into RSVPing. Before the party, Richard and Emily figure that Rory is about to have relations with Logan (er...), so they call their minister over for dinner to explain to Rory that her "virtue" is her most precious gift. She tells him that she's already given that one away, and he tells Emily and Richard, so...awkward. And it's even more awkward when Emily contrives a reason to move Rory out of the pool house. So then it's the party and Lorelai and Luke show up, and Emily's all flinty at them. Richard spends the party hiding in his study because he's moping over having "failed" with Rory, and Emily storms in and tells him she has a million plans to keep Rory out of the pool house and that they won't have failed until she comes home pregnant (ouch), so Lorelai storms out of the room and runs into Rory, and they have very un-strained reunion small talk until it's time to blow out the candles, whereupon Lorelai looks at her daughter like she's a stranger again, and slips out with Luke. There was slightly more to the episode than that, which Al will give you the Lowe-down (HA!) on in the recap. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Lorelai opens the door to find her dad standing there, wanting to talk about Rory. "I don't like what I see in that girl," he says, giving the perfect set-up for Lorelai to crack, "My eyes?" Ignoring this, Richard says that he doesn't like it that Rory has lost focus and is running around planning tea parties for the DAR: "She's heading in the wrong direction, and I don't like it." He's thought long and hard about it, and they "need a plan." Lorelai flips. They HAD a plan. He's the one who abandoned it! He tells her he doesn't like her tone, and Lorelai says that apparently "the proper tone went out with the plan." I get where Lorelai is coming from on all this. Sure, I know she's supposed to be all mature and the mother and rise above all these indignities shoved on her by her child and her parents, but...well, I'm in somewhat of a vengeful mood myself these days. There's only so much bullshit you can take, and I kind of feel like Lorelai has taken enough. Richard, however, feels like it would be a good idea to shovel on some more. His new, brilliant plan involves all sorts of bribes and tricks to get Rory to go back to school. He suggests changing the terms of her trust fund, or buying her a car, or a townhome! "Don't you see," he says, "if there's something in it for her, maybe we can get her to change her mind." Ugh. Lorelai tries to end it there, thanking Richard for the dollhouse, and making to leave. He can't believe it and asks if she's even listening to him. "Uh, no," she says. Richard is flabbergasted, but Lorelai puts the kibosh on his dumb plans: "I want Rory to want to go back to school. She used to love to learn, and read, and study, and it was freakish, but it was her." She says that Rory will have to find her way back there, and the minute she wants and asks for help, Lorelai will be there: "I will fly in faster than the Gulfstream I'm sure you're going to offer to buy her , but until then, I'm sorry, you're on your own." Calling Lorelai impossible, Richard leaves in a huff.
Back from commercial, Luke has joined Lorelai on the porch to help her move the dollhouse inside while she rants and raves about her father. "Pretending like it's an accident that Rory's floundering," she says, incredulous. "Nothing's an accident. He caused this; he made this happen." Luke is supportive, I guess, but mostly he is trying to figure out how to lift the dollhouse, which apparently weighs a metric ton. Lorelai says that her father was being especially low by bringing up Rory's birthday like she didn't even remember it. "'She's turning twenty-one, Lorelai, did you know that?'" she mocks. "Of course I know that. I was there when she was turning nothing!" She says it's just like her parents to double-cross her, and then get mad when she won't help them undo the double-cross. Nostalgia overtakes her and she reveals that, actually, she and Rory had long-standing plans for her big birthday. They were going to go to Atlantic City and be sitting at a blackjack table ready to play 21 the moment Rory turned twenty-one. Then they'd take their winnings and buy twenty-one things. "And then," Lorelai says, looking at Luke, "there was a thing about twenty-one guys that wouldn't really be appropriate anymore since the engagement." All sad, Lorelai says that Rory probably doesn't even remember the plan. Luke assures her that Rory remembers, and Lorelai sighs, going in to order pizza and finally mentioning that the top comes off the dollhouse, making it possible to move the thing.
Rory is asleep in her old room in Stars Hollow. Ah, because she's dreaming. And in the dream, she is reenacting this scene (you're welcome, I looked it up) from Season 1 when she turned sixteen, except this time, her mom is Madeleine Albright. The former U.S. Secretary of State climbs in bed with Rory Gilmore. Well, everybody else seems to be doing it these days...oh, just kidding. How awesome is this? Albright is one fantastic lady -- what a coup for this show -- and doesn't do too bad a job as an actress, either. How I wish at the end of that scene, though, she had turned to Rory and said: "Now, get your ass back to Yale and stop whining and mumbling and having sex with the twerp. Do you think I became the mofo-ing Secretary of State by quitting every time someone had the audacity to suggest that I wasn't the embodiment of perfection? I fled Nazi persecution! I have a PhD from Columbia! I speak five languages! AND, I was all up in the middle of that whole Bosnian Serb thing that no one understands to this day! Plan a party for THAT." Alas, that is not what happens. Instead, we see Rory start awake, Logan at her side, and pout, probably realizing that her actual mom, though not a member of both the Carter and Clinton administrations, is not too shabby.
Lorelai walks across the square and runs into Babette and Morey coming from their Halloween shopping. They will be hanging Morey once again this year, and Babette is clearly disappointed to learn that Lorelai will only be hanging caramel apples from the trees, like she always does. "Not very scary," Babette says. Lorelai comments that, to a diabetic, dangling caramel apples might be downright terrifying.
At the pool house, Rory and Logan are (avert your eyes!) MAKING OUT on the couch. Actually, they are having a threeway with her Birkin Bag, and are interrupted when Emily knocks at the door. She sends Rory off to look for something in the bedroom so that she can surreptitiously ask Logan whether he has made any special plans for Rory's birthday. I must stop here to comment on Logan's jacket, which features a frayed collar and lapels and looks like he dug it out of the Oliver Twist costume trunk down at the community theater playhouse. Anyway, he raises his eyebrows, saying he has made no plans, and it's clear that he has planned nothing, because he didn't even know it was about to be Rory's birthday. Emily barely waits for Rory to emerge from the bedroom before asking how she would feel about a birthday party to be held at the house. Rory reluctantly agrees to a party, and Emily leaves, beaming about Rory turning twenty-one and ordering the youngsters to get back to whatever they were doing. "Hey," Rory smirks, taking Logan by the arm and leading him back to the sofa. "Grandma says." Logan can't believe Rory hadn't told him about the birthday, but she shrugs it off, saying she's just not that excited about it. Finally, it comes out that she's bummed, remembering her legendary plans with her mom. "My mom and I have been planning for my twenty-first birthday since...well, my first memory is kindergarten," she says, "but I have a feeling she was talking about it before then." Cute, but strange, seeing as how Lorelai wasn't even twenty-one herself when Rory went to kindergarten. Rory explains the whole scheme to Logan exactly as Lorelai explained it to Luke. "It was a pretty big thing," she says, "and now we're not talking and it's not going to happen." Logan says he knows she misses her mom, though the concept is a little hard for him to grasp, and he sweetly offers to take her to Atlantic City himself. ["Because he doesn't really understand her!" -- Wing Chun] She declines, saying that a party will be fine, and they celebrate by making out all over again. I miss making out on couches, man. Don't you? That is some fun, right there. Not that I'd ever make out on the couch with Brent Bracknell in the den while my parents were like ten feet away in the living room, or anything. I totally never did that. Repeatedly, every weekend for three years.
The day, Rory is at the dining table, sampling cakes while Emily "helps" choose the invitations for Rory's birthday party. If this party is week, how are they going to get these invitations out in time? Anyway, Emily is fondly remembering her own twenty-first birthday party and how she insisted that her invitations had to be trimmed in real pearls. "I could not be convinced that it was at all tacky," she says, "or impractical. I was right, and that was the way it had to be." What a shock. Rory is not really paying attention, and when Emily suggests the lace invitations, she half-heartedly agrees. Emily moves on to the menu selection: "What do you think about sushi? Sushi feels young, doesn't it?" Rory says she certainly hopes so. "You don't want any old sushi hanging around." Emily says that they'll have a bar on the patio, but wonders if Rory would like a special tray-passed drink, like a Sidecar or a Gin Fizz. Rory's head is still not in the game and her grandmother is frustrated. She asks if Rory would just rather she plan the whole thing herself. "Sure," Rory says. "You've got good taste; I trust you completely." ["And that's how my mom planned my whole wedding reception: because, like Rory, I didn't care at all." -- Wing Chun] Emily shrugs and agrees, but says she'll need a little guidance on the guest list. Looking down the list, she wonders if the address for Rory's little "Asian friend" has changed. "Lane," Rory says, a bit forcefully, but not forcefully enough, because Emily just goes and does it again when Rory says that Lane will want to invite her boyfriend. It exhausts me that Rory doesn't smack her grandma down when she says stuff like that. Moving on, Emily asks if she should add Paris to the list, also: "Are you two friends? I never really can tell." Hee. A bit uncomfortably, Emily asks if Lorelai should be added. Rory's face lights up as if she never considered this, and she says yes, Emily should add her mom to the list. That decision made, Rory snaps back to the task at hand, deciding on the chocolate praline crunch cake for her birthday celebration. My own birthday was the day after this episode aired, and I wish I had seen it in time to order that same cake for myself because...how good does that sound?
Lorelai arrives home to find Babette and Morey setting up their Halloween gallows in their adjacent yard. They've added some new light effects, you know, to make everything grosser. Lorelai is impressed with their efforts. She is also wearing a gorgeous coat that I would like to own. What? Did you not just read that it's my birthday? Lorelai goes into her house to find Luke cooking dinner. He has just discovered that Paul Anka is scared of peas. Lorelai adds them to the list on the refrigerator, asking what Luke's making that smells so good. "Fried chicken," Luke says, causing her eyes to roll back and forcing her to spontaneously propose to him all over again. She tells him she has a whole new idea for Halloween. He seems slightly disappointed, asking if she's not going to hang her caramel apples again. She says that's not scary enough, and that she's decided to do something totally different and will need his help. Without asking what, he agrees. Unfortunately, she wants to do a skit where she plays a crazy mad scientist where she turns the whole front yard into her laboratory. "So, I come out and I do mad-scientist banter," she says, "like, Hhey, who here's from Bellevue?' and 'Girl, Interrupted, that sounds like my idea of a feel-good movie.'" Luke blinks in silence, and Lorelai says she'll work on the banter. That's not even the best part, though. The best part is when she brings Luke out, puts him in the electric chair, electrocutes him, and then throws him on the operating table and pulls sausages out of him that will look like intestines. Luke has a couple of logistical questions, like...all of it. How's Lorelai going to get him on the table? How's she going to cut him open? And what are the odds of her convincing him to do it in the first place? "Because," Luke finishes, "I'm thinking they're right up there with Pia Zadora making a big comeback." Aw. Pia Zadora is always getting the shaft. Lorelai is amazed that Luke doesn't want to participate in her big Halloween Distract-Me-From-My-Sadness Plan, and says that this conversation is not over. Lorelai grabs a head of broccoli, apparently the only vegetable Paul Anka endorses, and goes looking for her dog.
Logan is dropping Rory off at The Grandparents'. He can't come in for more macking, since he has to meet his father early the morning. ["He sure has been 'spending' a lot of 'time' with his 'father' lately. Suspicious!" -- Wing Chun] Rory does yeoman's work trying to convince him to stay, distracting him by talking about the Sri Lankan dinner they just had: "I appreciate you lying to me and answering 'chicken' every time I asked what I was eating." He says that with fifteen courses, he was bound to be right at least once or twice. He wonders if she really thinks this distracting technique is going to work on him. "Well," she says, "I've seen my mom do it before, I thought maybe it was a family trait." Random. Here's a tip: maybe don't mention your mom when you're trying to talk a man into having sex with you. Logan continues to resist going in, though he keeps on kissing her, anyway. (And, hey -- why does he have to grab the back of Rory's head when he goes in for every kiss? Is he afraid she'll run away? We should be so lucky.) Rory and Logan are interrupted when Richard knocks on the window, in that classic "out of the car, long-hair" style, and makes uncomfortable small talk with the young smoochers. They all say goodnight.
We see Richard joining Emily in the sitting room, where she is looking through a catalogue. He tells her that the noise they apparently heard was not the neighbor's Dalmatian trying to mate with their lion statues, again, but rather Logan and Rory trying to, uh, "say goodnight," as the kids call it. This gives Emily pause. She reminds Richard that Rory is growing up and in fact is about to turn twenty-one. "Oh," he snarks. "Is that what the flotilla of party planners outside our door was about?" Emily says that Logan is a rather experienced young man, and that it could be that Rory is considering "having relations" with him. But Richard scoffs at this: "Have you seen the size of that sports car he drives? There's no room to cross your legs, much less do anything else." I had to rewind several times to assure myself of the tackiness of that statement -- seriously, Grandpa. I had this slow-mo, dream-sequence nightmare for a split-second that Edward Herrmann, on my television, was going to say the actual words that there was no room to cross your legs, much less spread your legs, and my life flashed before my eyes. I realize I am compounding the tack by spelling it out like that, but I really couldn't let it pass. Emily gently has to explain to the man that the car is not necessarily the deflowering spot of choice for today's modern booty callers, and tells him that, in fact, she knows Rory and Logan have been getting cozy on the couch of the pool house lately. These people, who are housing their granddaughter born to their own teenaged-at-the-time child, do not know a sexually active girl when they see one? Somehow? Richard is mortified, and says that steps will immediately have to be taken to ward off the sex. They agree that they will do something about it the day.
At the Dragonfly, Sookie has laid out dozens of linked sausages on the kitchen prep table. She asks Lorelai which one she needs for her Halloween skit. "I'm not sure," Lorelai says. "Luke's a big guy, so he needs a big-guy sausage." Sookie: "Don't we all?" Lorelai: "Don't make my man's sausage dirty." Too late. I am already thinking about Luke's sausage. Let's all take a minute. There. Yes, yes, I'm sure it's tasty. Firm, yes. I can hear you, internet, and I think you all need to take a shower. I will join you. NOT LIKE THAT. Man. Anyway, Sookie, says Lorelai should try kielbasa, since it is a large, manly sausage. Lorelai says maybe, though technically, Luke hasn't agreed to participate in this sausagefest yet . "Small detail," Sookie says. Lorelai agrees: "Minuscule roadblock." As Sookie is making further sausage suggestions, an employee delivers the mail. Lorelai is immediately distracted by one envelope. Sookie asks her what's the matter, and doesn't believe Lorelai when she says it's nothing. Lorelai sighs: "It's an invitation to Rory Gilmore's twenty-first birthday party." Sookie comments on the prettiness of the invitation, and asks if Lorelai's going to go. Lorelai says no, and that the invitation is really from her parents, who are bound and determined to get her involved in some new plan to manipulate Rory. "But," Sookie says, "you had a plan." Lorelai says she knows. Sookie can't believe that Rory is turning twenty-one: "It seems like just yesterday she was crying because you told her Charlotte Brontë couldn't come to her sleepover. Because she's dead." Aw. Lorelai gets kind of emotional, and has to stop all the Rory talk for a while. Sookie reminds her that they can pick up their sausage talk later.
Rory arrives for dinner at the big house, all dressed up. She's excited to be dining there, saying it will be the first time in weeks she hasn't had to eat something that's been supersized. Emily tells her the fabulous news that they'll be having her favorites: pot roast, mashed potatoes, Parkerhouse rolls, and ice cream sundaes for dessert. "Am I dying?" Rory asks. No, Rory, but there is a minister available if you decide to do so. She walks into dinner and is introduced to the Rev. Boatright. They all have a lame conversation about how great pot roast is. Emily and Richard lamely excuse themselves to leave Rory and the Rev. alone. The guy is so nerdy, he might be an actual reverend, except I recognize him from something else; I can't think what. He tells Rory that her grandparents are very proud of her. "Well, then," she says, "it's a mutual admiration society." The Rev. goes on to say it must be wonderful to be young and about to turn twenty-one and have crazy feelings rushing through your system. As Rory grows more and more uncomfortable, the Rev. goes on: "Being a young lady comes with many gifts. Your virtue, for example is...a precious gift. Once you give it, it's gone. You can't re-gift it." He tells her that if she gives it away too soon, then when the right man does come along, she'll have no gift to give: "You'll have to buy him a sweater." (Which is hilarious, in a way, and I guess explains why I gave my husband a DVD player on our wedding day.) Rory finally clues in and has to do the same for the Rev. She thanks him for taking the time to come and talk to her about all of that, but concludes, "I'm afraid the 'ultimate gift' ship has sailed." The Rev. is surprised and saddened. "Yeah," Rory goes on. "It's probably in Fiji by now." While the Rev. soaks in this news, she suggests that he see The 40-Year-Old Virgin: "You might like it."
The day, Rory is returning to the pool house in her jaunty little Hartford Zoo community-service suitie. She finds the pool house full of junk, and goes to the big house to ask her grandmother what the deal is. Emily is busy firing people left and right for putting vases or whatever in the wrong place in preparation for the birthday party, but stops long enough to tell Rory that she had to store a bunch of rental stuff in the pool house, and has moved Rory upstairs into her old room, to Richard and Emily's. "We can knock secret code messages to each other at night," she says, "like we're in camp." The only things this woman can do directly are 1) denigrate and punish her daughter; and 2) abuse people she's hired. Instead of demanding a real explanation for the pool house embargo, Rory checks the list and sees that her mother has not RSVPed one way or the other for the party. She goes on a rant about it. Emily is surprised at Rory's rage, and says that maybe Lorelai is still coming. "But how do we know?" Rory asks, all mad. "If she doesn't call, how will we know whether or not to make an extra chocolate box?" Emily assures her that they can make an extra chocolate box, but Rory says no: they're paying for these things and chocolate boxes don't grow on trees. First of all, Rory, you are paying for nothing. Secondly, you're making nothing. Third, shut up.
Lorelai is at the diner, loading her chocolate chip pancakes down with whipped cream, when the phone rings. Luke answers, and it's Rory. Lorelai wigs. Lauren Graham is so amazing, really. Her face when she hears it's Rory on the phone is alternately filled with joy and trepidation. Rory doesn't ask Luke to hand the phone off, so he plays middleman while Rory yells at him about the chocolate boxes and needing to know if Lorelai's coming so that they can make her one. Lorelai says she didn't know she was invited, and Rory hears it through the phone and gets furious. "I sent her an invitation," she yells. "Where the hell'd she think it came from? The invitation fairy?" Lorelai is amazed by all this -- she didn't know the invitation was from Rory. She shouts so that Rory can hear her that she is coming and wants a chocolate box. Luke hangs up. "Rory called," Lorelai says, still in shock. Luke says yeah, he noticed, because Rory was yelling at him. "No," Lorelai says, smiling, "she called and yelled at me." Luke says, though, that he's the one who had to hear it. "She was mad and she yelled and she said 'hell,'" he says. Lorelai continues to grin: "Yeah, but she called."
It's 4:03 AM -- the morning of Rory's birthday. We see Rory and Lorelai in their respective beds, both awake, thinking of each other.
Inexplicably, we then cut to that evening. Emily is on her usual pre-event rampage, dressed to the nines, mouthing off to the help about the sushi ("disgusting food") and early-arriving guests ("Why not just show up the night before with a sleeping bag?"). As she eviscerates a maid over not answering the doorbell on time, Rory comes downstairs. "That dress is to die for," Emily tells her. "Well," Rory answers, "it's the one you laid out on the bed, so I assumed I was supposed to put it on." Rory learns that her grandmother has had the bartender concoct a signature drink for the occasion. It's called a "Rory," and contains champagne, vodka, pineapple juice, and grenadine. Y'all. If Pamie, AB Chao, and I were trapped overnight in a liquor store, that is exactly the disgusting mixture of substances we would invent. It's hot pink, too. Of course it is. And the glass is rimmed with sugar. (If AB invited it, it would be rimmed with cigarette ashes; that's the only difference.) Logan cruises up to say hello and is met with the frostiest reception imaginable from Emily, who leaves immediately to go check on the cake. He wonders what's up, and Rory mentions that it's probably because Emily found out Rory and Logan are having sex. His eyebrows shoot off as he asks how she found out. "I told her minister," Rory shrugs. Logan wants to know why Rory would do that. "Because," she says, "he was going on and on about how my virtue was a gift, and now you have it, so I'm gonna have to buy the guy a sweater." Heee! SO cute, but Rory...we know you owe that sweater to Logan, anyway, since your virtue was unfortunately doled out to NotCuteAndAlsoMarriedDean. (I'm still mad about that, by the way.) Logan needs a drink. "Come on," she says, "let's get you a 'Rory.'" He sighs, saying that the Gilmores are stressing him out. She drops the stress bomb on him now, telling him about her recent eviction from the pool house: "From now on, we'll have to have sex in our invisible suits."
While Logan is processing this, Lane arrives with pfTL. Rory introduces Lane as her "best friend," and Lane sizes up Logan with an appreciative nod. pfTL and Logan awkwardly shake hands as they all receive their Rory drinks. Lane is excited. "Wait until you see the bathroom," Rory tells her, embarrassed. "The guest soap has my face on it."
Lorelai and Luke walk up to the house, Luke saying that this might be his least favorite door in the world to knock on. "What about Death's door?" Lorelai asks. He says that the reception on the other side of that door might be warmer. Good one, Luke. He's quite right. When Emily sees them, Rories in hand, she frosts over, saying that because she didn't know Luke was coming, he'll have to share a chocolate box with Lorelai. "Fat chance," Lorelai says, mumbling to Luke, "Mom orders really good chocolate." Emily notices that Luke doesn't appear to like his drink, and when he jokes about its being awfully pink, tells him that no one is asking him to wear it: "It's not a skirt." Hilarious. Listen, somebody, speaking of Luke wearing things -- I know I said I like woodsy Luke better than dressed-up Luke, and that is true. But, if you're going to MAKE him wear a suit, have him shave. I mean, one or the other. Unshaven, suited Luke is leaning back in a direction we don't want to go, and that direction involves Firebird T-tops. Luke cringes when he is forced to take a sip of the Rory drink, saying that it tastes like a My Little Pony.
Paris and Doyle arrive a little late. They stopped and ate first, Paris says, "in case the food here sucked." Paris, by the way, looks like she's wearing a negligee. They have big news, they say. Since Doyle is a senior, his tenure as editor of the Yale paper will be over at the end of the year. So, guess what? Paris is going to be the new editor of the paper. That's the big news. "I mean, it's so incredible," she says to the slightly-crestfallen Rory. "Last year I was sleeping with the editor..." she pauses, smiling, and Doyle jumps in: "And this year, I am!" They go on and on about the great changes Paris will make at the paper, as Rory catches sight of Lorelai. By the way, Lorelai's dress is amazing. She comes over, uncomfortable though the situation clearly is, and puts on her most fun face for Rory. She gives her the "hey, birthday girl!" cheer, and Rory smiles back before Paris and Doyle interrupt and announce the big news, once again, with the little prepared skit about who's sleeping with the editor. Lorelai congratulates Paris, but sees the sad look on Rory's face. Rory can't take it and excuses herself, walking away from Lorelai and the rest of the group.
Back from commercial, Lorelai is raging to Luke that one shouldn't be allowed to put just anything into a martini glass, like the "Rory," for instance. She's sad -- drinking real martinis was part of the original birthday plan. "It's the sweet drinks that really kill you," she says. "It's the sugar that gives you the hangover and makes you throw up." Luke: "Yeah, because no one's ever thrown up from a martini before." They are interrupted by two of the DAR biddies, who come giggling over and introduce themselves. Lorelai hams that she didn't realize Rory was running with the bad crowd. Luke steps in it when he asks what the DAR is, but they think he's kidding and giggle louder. Making his escape to go and get a beer, Luke runs into Rory. They chat a bit, and Rory says she's glad Luke and Lorelai came to the party. He takes this moment to give her a present he's carrying in his pocket (not like that!). They don't show it to us, but it's apparently a pearl necklace that belonged to Luke's mother. Rory is sweetly surprised and touched. "You're lucky," he says, "because month is Cesar's birthday, and I know he likes pearls..." Hee. Some DAR busybody comes over and sees the necklace, and pronounces it "exquisite." Rory introduces Luke as her stepfather-to-be, and he smiles, before again asking, "What's the DAR?" Busybody giggling erupts yet again. "I'm killing with that line tonight," Luke says.
On the patio, Emily finds Lorelai and asks where Luke has gotten to. Lorelai cracks that she's sure he's off sizing up all the silver in the house, seeing how much he can stuff into his pockets without making a bulge. Why are they so insistent on making us think about Luke's bulging sausage in this episode? Emily coolly responds that she was in no way sniping at Luke, she was just making small talk: "It's what people do at parties." Lorelai makes an attempt, herself, at small talk, but stalls when she sees that Emily has become distracted by Lorelai's engagement ring. "Well," Emily says, cold as ice, "it seems congratulations are in order." Lorelai says that wasn't exactly "congratulations," but whatever. ["And furthermore, Emily of all people in the world, real or fictional, should know that 'congratulations' are for the groom; 'best wishes' is what you're supposed to say to the bride. Unless that was a deliberate, extremely subtle dis from Emily, which is always possible." -- Wing Chun] Emily and Lorelai are interrupted by the caterer, who is ready to cut the cake. Emily is angered afresh by the absence of Richard who, she says, is apparently going to sulk all night in his office and miss his granddaughter's birthday party. She goes off to arrange for the cake cutting, and Lorelai sneaks away to find her father.
Richard is in his office, indeed, drinking in front of the fireplace. Lorelai comes in, joking around, and Richard tells her to go away. He wants to be left alone with his moping -- he is blaming himself for Rory's leaving Yale and messing up her life. Lorelai -- very generously, I think -- says that leaving Yale was Rory's choice. Richard says he could have stopped her, though, and now she's ruining everything and even having sex. He pronounces this like it is the biggest issue out of the whole debacle. "I paid forty thousand dollars to redecorate her sex house," he says. "I bought her her sex mattress, her sex boxsprings. I provided everything she needs to waste her life." Poor, poor Richard. I feel for him, a little, and so does Lorelai. She assures him that Rory was having sex "way before the big renovation." Richard snarks that he feels so much better, now. He's clearly very upset, and says that he's made a terrible, terrible mistake. Lorelai continues to take the high road -- this would be her perfect opportunity to really lay the hammer down on him for betraying her when she asked for his support to make sure Rory went back to school...
...especially since Emily chooses this moment to walk in. She insists that Richard come out and participate in the party, but he refuses. She demands to know what's going on, and Lorelai has to explain that "it's Rory." Richard feels like they've lost her. Emily doesn't get it. She says they got Rory out of the pool house, and runs down a litany of passive-aggressive tactics she'll use to keep Rory under their direct supervision, forever. They haven't "lost" her, she says: "We have not failed until that girl comes home pregnant. Then we've failed." Here it is, I think, rubbing my hands together. The big showdown. How I wish Lorelai had have stood up, grabbed a piece of burning wood from the fireplace, and held the whole place hostage until they bowed down and admitted their culpability in the whole mess. Unfortunately, Lorelai walks out -- REALLY unfortunately, since the thing Richard does is to admit that the minute they went against Lorelai, they lost Rory. Richard is mad about more than the sex thing. He's mad about the DAR job, and Rory's wasting time planning parties and doing frivolous things. He doesn't want that life for her, he says. Emily sees the truth: "You mean my life," she says. "You don't want her to be me." Richard insists that's not what he meant, but clearly it is, and Emily knows it. Robotically, she turns and walks out, saying it's time to cut the cake.
At the gifts table, Lorelai runs into Rory again. Face to face, they are a bit sad and nervous. Lorelai tells Rory that her drink is disgusting. Rory agrees, and says that her mom looks skinny. Lorelai says it's the construction diet, and has to explain to Rory about the remodeling going on in the house. She also tries to casually announce that she got a dog, but Rory goes on immediate alert, panicking, "He's alive?" Lorelai says he's fine, yes, and by the way, she's not discussing the hamster anymore. Rory makes sure that Lorelai has asked Babette to double-check that Lorelai feeds him every morning. They continue to make nervous small talk, until they are interrupted by the cake and the chorus of "Happy Birthday." Lorelai stands back, tears in her eyes, until she is joined by Luke, who comes over to lead her out.
On the drive home, he tells her she can pull linked sausage out of him, if she wants. Thank God for Luke (and his sausage).