Luke's. Kirk's seated at a table, calling for everyone to return their ribbons. Two Luke lovers return theirs. Luke begs Kirk to stop shouting my last name and put everything away. Kirk informs us that Luke and Lorelai have reconciled. "I know, Kirk," Luke says. "I was there." Kirk says it's time for the town to start healing post-reconciliation. He adds that in his case he literally needs to heal, since he got an inch of his "chest flesh" in one of those pins. He then screams Lulu's name from inside the diner. Lulu's outside, proudly wearing her pink ribbon. She won't take hers off because she likes pink. Kirk screams that this is bigger than her love of pink. Lulu heaves herself, shouting, "NO!" and runs away from the diner. I’m having a similar reaction here in this coffee shop, since they've just started playing that damn same Norah Jones song it appears we legally have to hear every single day. ["Better that than that horrendous new Jennifer Lopez single, with the 'Oh-oh-oh, o-OH-oh-oh,' which gets played at least once every single time I go to the gym." -- Wing Chun]
Lorelai enters as Kirk leaves, asking Luke if he just saw all that. Luke says Stars Hollow needs a giant butterfly net store. Lorelai has brought a Weston's coffee into Luke's. He still kisses her a "welcome." Just as I noticed the cup, so did Luke. He becomes outraged that Lorelai brought someone else's coffee into his shop. It's like she has sex with him using Taylor's penis. Whoa, that's the grossest thing I've ever written here in these recaps. I apologize to all of you. Luke calls today the Day of Their Reconciliation. Quick, mark your calendars. Is it Friday? Lorelai loves Weston's coffee because they make the fancy-pants coffees with whipped cream and caramel swirls, and with the extra letters "c-h-i-n-o." Luke calls her drink disgusting; Lorelai prefers to call it "lover." Kirk opens the diner door and rests against the frame, panting, clutching Lulu's be-ribboned sweater in his hand. "Man, that was hard," he says. "She must have stretched first." Kirk tosses Lulu's sweater into the discarded pink ribbon box. We try out a calmer, gentler, strummier strummy-strummy (minus la) as we fade to opening credits.
Rory and Logan walk through a darkened, mostly abandoned Yale, post-date. Rory says that Logan's snoring tipper her off that he wasn't a big fan of the theatre. Logan corrects her; he wasn't snoring, he was groaning. He says that all plays are painful. Rory tells him he's missing out, because she and Lorelai recently saw Caroline, or Change, and it was amazing. She tries to school him on who Tony Kushner is, but Logan informs Rory that he's familiar with the man: his mom plays Canasta with him regularly. Rory calls Logan's life "magical." My opinion of the fake Tony Kushner has plummeted. Rory says she'd better get to her Mah Jongg with Mamet, but Logan suggests ice cream instead. He pulls Rory along, despite her protests due to her pretty high heels. Rory doesn't seem to carry a purse. Logan sure does pull Rory by the arm often.
Logan has the keys to the cafeteria. Rory, just as I would, freaks out that they'll get in trouble for being in the cafeteria after it's closed. She asks if they can get suspended for this. Logan tells her to relax, and that, for tonight, this magical room filled with locked-up, non-cooked food is all hers. Who wants ketchup cups? Rory loves seeing the cereal station completely full. There's a hint of the old Rory -- the one who frets over getting in trouble and geeks out over a plastic container filled with Rice Chex. Rory: "I KNEW they had Cocoa Puffs!" Logan tells Rory she should go crazy and have cereal and ice cream. Rory pours herself a bowl of Cocoa Puffs and looks very happy. Logan tries to head to the ice cream, but Rory wants to find the swipe machine so she can log this meal against her account. Logan can't believe how square his ladyfriend can be: "Trust me, with all the money my family's donated to this school, they can afford to be out of a few Cocoa Puffs." Rory smiles and says, "This is fun." Logan: "You're an easy girl to please." That sentence only needed to be four words long. He kisses her and heads to the kitchen. Rory comes back to leave a few dollars on the Cocoa Puffs box. "Ace, come on!" Logan shouts.
Dragonfly. Lorelai plays manager for a few lines, telling people we don't know how to do the jobs that don't really exist. Pretty blue top. Lorelai teases Sookie for putting out cookies and cupcakes because a photographer is coming to snap shots of the inn for some travel magazine that has rated them one of the top ten inns in Connecticut. Having stayed at the Red Lion Inn in New Haven, I can honestly say the competition wasn't that stiff. Sookie can barely move from behind her pregnancy belly. This can't be the same belly they gave her last time, can it? Lorelai confesses she moved all the furniture in the rooms last night four times before she settled on the same configuration she had in the first place. Lorelai compliments the dining room and notes that Sookie has put a cake on every table. Hey, did this episode start yet? I'm just checking. Still waiting on the plot.
In the...study/book/library/sitting/waiting/Digger room. Lorelai asks where all of their books have gone. There are plenty of books in the shelves, so she must mean a specific Readers Digest kind of special leather-bound collection. Sookie suggests that the guests have been swiping them. Oh, no, Sookie. Are you stealing books to escape motherhood, too? You are crying out for help, girl. It's because Lorelai started making you wear that uniform, isn't it? I understand. Lorelai isn't happy to see that her books have been replaced with Clifford the Big Red Dog and five copies of He's Just Not That Into You. Sookie: "We've been Airplane Booked." Lorelai calls some guy named Eddie, hands him the five self-helps and one kiddie book, and tells him to get rid of them. Where's he supposed to take them? Lorelai says she'll raid Rory's books tonight to refill the shelves. Poor Rory's gonna be livid when she comes home to find her vandalizedHowl has been stolen.
Michel wanders into the room holding two big shopping bags, wearing sunglasses and a green blazer over a t-shirt. "There he is!" he smiles. "Who missed Michel?" Lorelai calls it a trick question. Sookie asks how he enjoyed California. Michel: "Oh, you know. It is insanity." Hee. I love Michel. He asks, "What is different about me?" Sookie guesses it’s the sunglasses he's wearing indoors. Michel corrects her, informing her that he's wearing "eyewear," and that everyone in Los Angeles wears pairs and pairs of eyewear. Actually, we're wearing sunglasses. And it's because the sun is crazy bright out here. The air is so filthy that the sun bounces off all the little smog particles in the air and it hurts to have your eyes open because the air is filled with crap and the sun is glinting off every single molecule around you and if you don’t wear sunglasses and take Claritin on the hour you can't even open your puffy, watery eyes. HOL-lee-wood! Dun-nuh-nuh-NA-NA-NA-NA HOL-lee-wood! And did I mention the rain? We're weather babies. Michel's t-shirt features a picture of a palm tree, and it says "Palm Tree" under it. God, that's hysterical. Michel says he belongs in Los Angeles, where everybody is thin and gorgeous. You mean like Stars Hollow? Hmm. Michel must not have gone to the Farmer's Market. Michel then gives a big-ol' shout-out to my old Coffee Bean, saying, "There's this place on Sunset Boulevard? A Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf? Everybody there talks exactly like me!" That is hilarious and pretty much true, except that everybody there is Persian, and smokes really stinky cigars. It's the most celebrity-spotting Coffee Bean to the one on Beverly and Robertson. Michel also got some Botox from Dr. Woo. "She's a genius; everyone goes there." He also got some veneers from Nick Lachey's dentist. All Michel needs is a dog in a bag and he's good to go. Part of me wonders if this is what Al Lowe, Omar G, and AB Chao think I'm like since I moved from Texas.
Michel shakes his bags and announces that he has gifts. "Oh! The shopping out there! Unbelievable!" He mispronounces Rodeo Drive, which Michel would never, ever do, unless he was actually shopping on Rodeo Drive, which boasts the place we like to call Targhetto. Michel has brought Lorelai a smog globe: "They are so funny in California." I'm starting to think Michel did go to the Farmer's Market. Michel brought Sookie He's Just Not That Into You. Michel says he "heard" it's a fabulous book, "and so true." Ha. Don't tell Jackson. Michel says his best news is still to come. Lorelai asks if he got his boobs done by Pamela Anderson's guy. Michel says no, but he did meet that man at The Coffee Bean. Hee. Michel then starts talking about the Farmer's Market. I didn't see this episode last night because the Lakers pre-empted it, so I am watching it now, while recapping, for the first time. I read the recaplet, but that's all I knew going into this recap, so I had no idea Michel was going to discuss the Farmer's Market. Hilarity. Because I knew he was going to go on The Price Is Right, so I was going to make a joke about how it's amazing that he got on the show without being at the Farmer's Market, and now here it is. And I want an Ultimate from The Coffee Bean right now.
Anyway, Michel was asked to be a contestant on The Price Is Right. Sookie and Lorelai are impressed. Michel says he was so stunned. So am I, because I've had friends who made it a mission to get on the show. It's actually quite an ordeal, from what I understand. Michel says he had never considered going on a game show before, but since he was finished with this Bubble Tea, he figured why not? Haaaaa. Sookie then echoes what I just said, because somehow I wrote this scene in the past and just don't remember it, saying that Jackson's cousin had to go through quite the rigmarole to get on the show: getting up at the crack of dawn, standing in line for hours with all the tourists, and then pretending to be a superfan, screaming and squealing, wearing t-shirts that said, "Pick me, Bob!" Michel's caught in his web of lies. Michel says he jumped a little, but didn't wear a t-shirt. Lorelai asks what Nick Lachey's teeth guy would say. Michel: "Make fun if you want, but I walked away the winner of over a hundred thousand dollar [sic] of cash and prizes!" Instead of a "Congratulations!" or "So when's it on?" or "You rock!," Lorelai immediately asks, "Then what's with the cheap gifts?" Sookie complains that the smog globe isn't all that smoggy. Michel gets up and leaves the room, moaning, "Why do I talk to you? Why?" Oh, Michel. I'm so glad they gave you such a funny scene, even if it's only written for the benefit of a single city. Actual conversation going on to me: "I mean, this morning on my way to Pilates, I saw my car was almost out of gas. I mean, my life is crazy right now!" I am not kidding. Then she goes, "At least you get paid for what you do. I really need to find a way to make some money at what I do." I love this weirdo town. (She says, as she gets paid to watch television and type long Word documents about what she thinks as she watches television...) Lorelai leaves to grab dinner, saying she'll be back after to finish setting up. Sookie settles in with a book based on a show based on a Post-It.
Luke's. Kirk has followed a lady into the restroom in order to get her pink ribbon. Luke can't believe how quickly Lorelai wolfed down her burger. Lorelai says she only has fifteen minutes before she has to be back at the inn. Luke worries that she'll get sick from eating so quickly. Lorelai smiles and says that her sickness will reminder her of him. "It'll be romantic." Kirk notes he gets "romantic nausea" all the time. Lorelai asks to be hit with some boysenberry pie. Luke says they're out. Lorelai is indignant, especially since she mistakenly thinks she told him to save her the last piece of boysenberry pie because she's back to being Luke's girlfriend and when she's Luke's girlfriend the world revolves very tightly around her unpredictable whims and desires. Turns out Lorelai left a message on Luke's cell phone concerning the pie slice. Luke has no idea how to work his voicemail. Lorelai laughs at him and grabs the phone. She tells him the cell phone is powerful, wonderful, and will change his life. Lorelai programs her number into his speed dial. She makes herself number one because she's number one. Perhaps voicemail should be number one. Ah, forget it. Who's going to call Luke other than Lorelai, anyway? She calls herself and says hello. Luke grabs his own cell phone to tell her over the phone, "No cell phones in the diner." Lorelai offers to put the cell phone on vibrate. Luke says her fifteen minutes is up. He hands her a donut for the road and says he'll pick her up at 8 on Sunday. Lorelai says she'll leave him a message letting him know his chances of getting lucky. Hey! Kirk's trying to eat around here. Lorelai asks Kirk how the ribbon collecting is going. "Why do you get him started?" Luke grumps. Kirk says they're near the finish line. Lorelai wants to know who's winning, even though Luke says it's not a contest and doesn't care. He says he knows Lorelai's winning because she's a total Townie who does all the stupid Townie events and has a Townie Kewpie Doll daughter. Kirk tells Lorelai: "You're kicking his ass." Lorelai shouts in triumph and asks for a final tally, because the loser must buy dinner on Sunday.
Rory's driving her damn Prius when she answers her cell phone. Lorelai wants to go shopping together to buy a Getting-Back-Together-With-Luke dress for her Getting-Back-Together-With-Luke dinner on Sunday night. She asks if they can go to the "new place" where Rory got "the scarf with the bows." As if it's possible to identify one scarf out of all the scarfs we've seen in the past two years. They agree to meet at 10; Lorelai's bringing the coffee. She asks what Rory's doing tonight, since it sounds like she's driving. Lorelai, like the rest of us, has no idea it's Friday. Rory's on her way to dinner with the Gilmores so they'll keep paying her Dating-Logan bill. Actually, Lorelai's just kidding, but wants Rory to have to say where she's going because that's fun for Lorelai. Lorelai laughs at Rory for driving the "Road to Hellville." She tells Rory to enjoy her "glazed woodcock with a side of truffled goose head." Heh. Rory is wearing too much blush as she hangs up the phone.
Luke's. Luke tells Kirk to finish up his meal so he can close up. Kirk assumes that Luke has plans with Lorelai tonight. Luke says that Lorelai is working tonight, and that he's not seeing her until Sunday. Kirk says it sounds nice, having a date: "You guys probably spend a lot of time together, huh?" A lot of time together. Kirk also assumes that Luke and Lorelai spend the night at each other's houses a lot. Luke tells Kirk his cookies are on the house and asks him to leave. Kirk's not going anywhere. He tells Luke that Lulu's his first real girlfriend: "I had an imaginary girlfriend once, but she left me." Left him with what? Nothing. Ha! Hire me. Kirk says he wishes he and Lulu could have what Luke and Lorelai have. Kirk reminds Luke that he lives with his mother. Luke wonders how he became part of a conversation he was completely avoiding. Kirk's mother is allergic to Lulu. The second Lulu walks into the room, Kirk's mom starts coughing, choking, her throat closing up. Just like in Moonstruck. Lulu has tried everything, changing every cream, salve, and balm she applies to her body: "She's actually kind of a mess right now, but nothing seems to work." Kirk doesn't want his mother choking three times a week, so he considered constructing a separate entrance for Lulu so that his mother is never subjected to Lulu's wake. But that'll cost $40,000, because he'd have to break through a bearing wall. Luke informs Kirk that he's a grown man and that this is ridiculous. He tells Kirk to change his living situation. "My mother won't move out," Kirk says. "I've asked." Luke tells Kirk to move out, get a life, get some independence. This won't end well. Luke tells Kirk that if he wants a real relationship with Lulu, he's going to have to "grow up" and "be a man." Kirk takes a second before he says, "I'm not sure I understand what you're saying to me." Luke says he's supplied the Lincoln Logs; Kirk just has to build the cabin. Luke turns the lights out in the diner and tells Kirk to lock up when he's done. Kirk takes a bite of cookie and then says he hopes Luke's not talking about a real cabin, because that would be really expensive. Luke shouts from deep in his room, "Night, Kirk!" This really won't end well.
Emily's. The doorbell rings. Richard practically bolts down the hall, shouting, "They're here!" He tells Emily to hurry. Richard cannot believe the size of the tote bag Rory has brought with her. It contains all of the recent issues of the Yale Daily News, her bylines highlighted. Emily walks up, beaming, waiting to be praised with lavish gushing from Rory for getting Lorelai and Luke back together. But Rory's still pretty short with her grandmother. They head into the living room. Oh, pretty dress, Rory. Emily's newest help asks if she should put the salads out now. Emily scolds Olympia for not reading everything she wrote down for her, including when to serve salads. Rory asks if someone else is coming, other than the three of them, since Lorelai isn't coming. This appears to be news to Richard and Emily. Before Richard can explain the confusion, Emily interrupts to say this is another one of Olympia's mistakes: "Olympia, it was three for dinner, not four." Emily turns back to Rory and Richard. "Well, she's fired," she says. Emily tells Richard to take Rory to the living room so that she can clear that silly fourth place herself.
But Emily doesn't clear the place right away. She stares at the plate, the silverware, and the napkin and thinks to herself, bracing against a chair as we go to commercial. ["I wonder what Luke's dreaming about right now." -- Stac(e)y]
As they walk Rory to the door, Richard and Emily tell Rory how she can reheat her goose leftovers. Rory says goodbye and leaves. Richard says it was a pleasant evening. Emily: "Really? What dinner were you at?" Richard says they weren't sure Lorelai was coming. But Emily says she was sure: "I don't understand it. Why wasn't she here?" Richard suggests that Lorelai had something to do, but Emily doesn't know what that means. Richard tells her, and then Emily says she knows what it means, she just doesn't know what it means: "She got her filthy diner owner back. What is the problem?" I'm guessing Emily is calling the diner filthy and not the owner. Regardless, though, it seems that Richard and Emily's hatred of Luke is getting way out of character. At this point, you'd think they'd be happy Lorelai was interested in somebody at all, never mind the guy who's been more of a dad to Rory than anybody has been her entire life. I'd think they'd like him a lot for that, particularly since Rory loves him, and they love Rory. Richard wonders if it's possible that Luke and Lorelai didn't get back together: "Perhaps it didn't happen. Maybe he didn't understand what you were telling him to do." Emily says she spelled it out for him, speaking slowly, so there's no way he didn't understand. Richard says it's possible Luke didn't do it, since he's not the most "take-charge" kind of guy, adding that he never did follow through on the franchise. (Thank you for revisiting that storyline, writers!) Emily is furious that Luke didn't go to Lorelai after she specifically told him to. Actually, I'm surprised Luke went back to Lorelai at all, seeing as how I'd imagine the last thing he'd ever want to do is something someone told him to do, But he does do anything a woman with the last name of Gilmore orders, so I suppose it's no surprise he asked how high seconds after Emily said "Jump." Emily calls Luke an imbecile. Richard tells Emily she gave it her best shot. He says he's sure Lorelai will come along eventually, and then they won't have to deal with Luke and Lorelai as a couple. He goes to freshen Emily's drink. The woman who made my coffee just shouted at one of her customers, "Lick my nutsack, asshole!" Now that's a filthy diner owner.
Lorelai and Rory leave a boutique. Rory's got two bags of finds ("Thanks, random temp job I totally ditched after one day!"), and swears she's going back to pick up a sweater she's coveting if she still can't get it out of her head in twenty minutes. I think Lauren Graham's got the flu or a stomach virus or something because she looks miserable as she complains about not finding anything for her make-up date. Lorelai says there are no more clothes out there for her: "The Lorelai look is over. I wish someone had told me." She sees someone wearing an outfit she likes and suggests that they follow her. Rory doesn't want to. While Lorelai goes on about wanting to wear the clothes that girl is wearing, Rory's attention focuses elsewhere. Across the street Logan sits with a girl at a coffee shop. They are chatting, laughing, flirting. Lorelai calls Logan a jerk just as Logan kisses the girl on the cheek. Lorelai wants to hit him with a rock. Rory swears it's fine. Lorelai asks how this can be okay if Rory's still seeing him. Rory tells her mom they're keeping this casual. "Casual?" Lorelai blinks. Rory says she and Logan both agreed to this. Lorelai's all, "Okay. If you both agreed." But she's thinking, "I remember when I tried this with Christopher. Ended up making a baby. You know. Casually." She asks, for clarification, whether Rory and Logan are sleeping together. "Mom!" Rory says. "It's college!" Watch a Girls Gone Wild video and catch up, Old Mom. It's called a fuck buddy, Mom. Like, get over it. Gah. Lorelai: "Friends with benefits. I get it. No problem! I watch Oprah." Rory tries to distract her mom with shiny objects so that they can stop talking about the casual sex Logan's having with random strangers.
Dragonfly. Lorelai gives the photographer a tour, looking for the perfect place to take some shots. He needs to shoot the exterior first, since they're losing light. Lorelai goes to get Michel to help. Michel is on the phone shouting at someone. He tells Lorelai that everything's fine: "Lots of sunshine!" He then turns around and delivers a mumbled threat about poking someone with a stick very hard. Lorelai offers to show the photographer outside herself.
"Yale" "Newspaper." Logan finds Rory hard at work. A man leaving the coffee shop just leans down over me and asks if I'm writing the greatest play in the world. He sees my desktop, which has this Word document open and a tiny window of Logan and Rory staring at a computer, in this weird meta self-aware moment. I explain that this isn't a play at all. "I write plays," he says to me. "Oh," I say, because that's all you can say to a stranger who is touching your shoulder, leaning over you to read your laptop screen. "Is this a screenplay, then?" he asks. "Are you writing the best screenplay in the world." "No," I say. "Are you writing that television show?" he asks, like this is some Super Sims that I can control with my words. "I'm writing about the show," I say. "I don't write for the show." "You write about it?" he asks. "Like a critique," I say. "Is it the best critique in the world?" he asks, and for a moment I worry that he's about to shout, "Because I got banned from TWoP three years ago and you fuckers won't let me back on your Nazi forums because you're a bunch of fascist losers and I can't believe you got Wonderfalls cancelled, you bitch!" So I say, "No, it's not the best critique in the world. That's a lot of pressure." "You should do that," he says. He points at himself. "I get paid to write those kinds of things," he says, confusing me. "Good luck with that," he says, and then leaves. I think I'm supposed to do something life-changing with that exchange, don't you? When crazies talk to you in movies and television shows, you're supposed to take that moment and turn it into the rest of your life. With my luck, that was Berlanti. Perhaps, after this hiatus, I'll have figured out my new destiny.
ANYWAY. Rory's still wearing her shopping clothes, so I guess on Saturday afternoons she and Logan head to the Yale newspaper room to work on articles. Rory tells Logan she's determined to finish her article before her caffeine buzz wears off, so she's only got another thirty seconds left. Logan sits on Rory's desk and casually asks if he saw her on State Street. Rory interrupts his question to tell him that he did, indeed, see her, and that she saw him. Logan asks if they're still "good." Rory says they are, since they both agreed to "no strings attached." Logan is incredulous and says it's good to hear. Satisfied, he asks if she'd like to get some coffee right now. She asks if he's got a master key to a Starbucks somewhere. Logan says they'll go old school, walking in and paying. Rory stands up and hits her strummy-strummy-la-la screensaver.
It's Golden Time, people! Let the man take his picture! Sookie brings out a roasted chicken and places it on the porch's rail, just in case the photographer doesn't get a chance to come inside and shoot the food. Why does Lorelai look like she's wearing an embroidered baby-burping towel over her shoulder? Michel runs out, yelling into that annoying Nokia remote-control-phone, complaining about how useless Ned the Bellman is. In comes Michel's brand-new Winnebago, with Bellman Ned running alongside, trying to stop the monster machine from approaching the pristine doors of The Dragonfly. I've seen some of the guests of the Dragonfly. I'm positive this isn't the first Winnie to make it over to Cletus's front stoop. Michel tells us that the Winnie is his present, along with many, many boxes of some kind of rice dish that should be inside the vehicle. The driver steps out and tells Michel he's pleased to present this motor home and would love to give Michel a grand tour of his newest second home. I wonder what the taxes are on that kind of thing. Michel is upset. See, he told The Price Is Right that he didn't want that "monstrosity"; he wanted the cash. Totally with you on that one, Michel. Michel whines that the producers would only give him half what the Winnie was worth. Sookie says the same thing happened to Jackson's cousin on the $25,000 Pyramid when he won a washer/dryer, but preferred picking up women at the laundromat. Michel reiterates he wants the cash, but the driver thinks it's best if he explains the leveling jacks to Michel before he leaves this prize. How's the driver going to get home, exactly, now that he's dropped off the Winnie? He hands the keys to Michel, telling him to enjoy his day. "Drop dead and we'll discuss it," Michel says. Ooh, did you kiss Bob Barker with that mouth, Monsieur Gerard?
Michel explains to Lorelai that he thought he had a week before it was to be delivered -- he even had a Craigslist ad and everything -- but that they delivered it days ahead of schedule. This is infuriating to all of y'all who are still waiting on your Honda Hybrid cars to be delivered, months after you've ordered/paid for them. Lorelai asks the driver if she can pay him to remove the vehicle for an hour. The driver says he can't. The photographer's ready to pack it in because the dust kicked up by the vehicle has ruined the day. Lorelai promises that she can fix everything before they lose the light. Sookie waddles down the steps to ask about the roast. Michel complains that he doesn't know how to work his Space-Shuttle-like motor home. The photographer says it's too late for the shot (perhaps he should have arrived sooner than 4?), but adds that he'll take some interiors "for the hell of it." Annie Leibovitz, look out. Sookie's more than happy to take the photographer inside, where it doesn't look quite so podunk.
Lorelai gets to immediately scolding Michel, even though he's already explained how this isn't his fault and that he tried to get it stopped early and if anything, it's that crappy bellman's fault. But Lorelai's in boss mode, and you can't stop her. Get this: Lorelai actually says to Michel, "Michel, I know the world revolves around you and we all have to understand that." Oh, my. Michel wants to keep his job, so he doesn't say any of the thousands of things we'd offer him to shoot back right now. Michel says that he didn't think it was going to be delivered today. Then Lorelai says something that I hope will be one day followed by a massive apology: "You didn't think. Period. You know, I don't always expect you to be a great help around here, but how 'bout not being a super-colossal hindrance to us all. Okay?" Lorelai runs into the house as we throw heavy objects at our television screens. Go give someone a snowjob, Lorelai. You're the one who never ordered mats, who didn't put in enough food orders, who overbooks or underbooks. She who leaves at a moment's notice when her love life is in jeopardy. Oh, whatever. I hope you have to buy Michel three motor homes and nine smog globes to apologize for your tantrum.
The Yale cafeteria looks an awful lot like a courtroom when a guy walks up and asks Rory, "Business or pleasure?" She's seated on a couch, reading a book with a lengthy title about dictatorship. This guy, we're supposed to remember, is Robert from Logan's poker game. He tells Rory he's waiting for the movie version of her book. Rory says Renée Zellweger's gaining "a ton of weight" to play the peasant. Robert and his clenched jaw invite Rory to Finn's birthday party, a place with the promise of lots of booze and no food. Rory accepts, and then Robert tells her about the Quentin Tarantino theme. The last time I dressed as a QT heroine, it was 1997, and I do believe these kids were still in grade school. Maybe it's time for Finn to upgrade to a Kevin Smith theme, or something in more of a Lynch. Rory has a very long smug moment of bliss as she realizes she's totally now having casual relationships as well.
Dragonfly. Lorelai's in that pink and black dress I don't like. She's looking for Michel to arrange a car to take some guests to the Foxwoods Casino. Michel is doing those people a favor by ignoring their request. Trust me. Sookie tells Lorelai that Michel's showing some people around the motor home. Lorelai wonders why Michel didn't ask her permission, so Sookie tells her that Michel's a little afraid of Lorelai right now, on account of her being so mean to him before. Sookie reminds Lorelai that Michel can dish it out, but that he's extremely sensitive when you give it back. Like me. "You can't even tease him. He never wore those red cowboy boots again," Sookie says. Like me. Lorelai tells Sookie to tell Eddie to arrange the car. Delegating at its finest!
Outside, prospective buyers are inquiring about the motor home's gas mileage, but all Michel knows is that he wants to get rid of this hunk of metal pronto. Just as he's about to accept a check for twenty grand, Lorelai runs up and begins upselling the vehicle with all she's got. She uses phrases like "wall-to-wall wallpaper" and "maple-ish paneling." When all the buyers are inside the machine, Lorelai asks Michel why he's just giving this thing away for twenty grand. Michel pouts, "That's what I was told to do. I didn't know about the maple-ish paneling." Lorelai asks him what he's thinking, selling it so cheap. Michel pouts some more, saying that he never thinks, according to her. Lorelai follows him three steps to the left and apologizes. She says she was tense about the photo shoot and said things she didn't mean and shouldn't have said. She says she knows the inn couldn't run without him. She tells him they rescheduled the photo shoot, and everything's fine. Michel calls Lorelai dramatic. He says he really wants the motor home gone. Lorelai says that the entire world saw the $100,000 flash under Michel's face on television. He needs to go get his money. Lorelai says that the bolo tie guy looks stupid enough to buy this thing. Michel says the woman with the elastic-waist jeans could be a good backup. Lorelai tells him to go in there and sell the thing.
La-la-Lorelai's. She has apparently decided to wear a sequined nightgown under a tiny cardigan on her make-up date. She looks as unhappy about it as I am. She calls Rory, who is getting ready for her own date. Lorelai complains that her outfit is too sparkly, and that she looks like a chandelier. They discuss shoes. Then they discuss boys. Specifically Robert. I think Rory makes up his last name here when Lorelai asks about it, because she has no idea what his last name actually is. Rory explains that while she's on a date with Robert tonight, it doesn't mean she won't be on a date with Logan very soon. Lorelai sounds concerned that her daughter has turned slutty. Rory says she's going as Gogo for the party, since she already has the skirt and is out of ideas. And QT doesn't exactly make that many parts for girls. How many Mia Wallaces can there be? Lorelai has to say the word "slutty" somehow, so it comes out in a complaint about herself. "This dress is too slutty!" Rory: "The dress is fine. The person in it, however..." Lorelai pretends the phone is breaking up, but honestly, it's weird to have Rory call her mother a slut, even jokingly. Lorelai hangs up and adjusts her dress.
Luke arrives, dressed like he's going as Vincent Vega. Lorelai and Luke have a few awkward beginnings-of-sentences as Luke meets her on the stairs instead of making it all the way to the front door. They agree that it's stupid that they're so awkward, since they've done this before. They say "Hey." Luke puts his arm around Lorelai and walks her to the truck.
In the truck, Lorelai is unhappy to find a reggae CD. RUN, LORELAI! RUN! Reggae is always a bad sign. Lorelai wants to know the when, where, and more importantly the why of Luke's reggae CD. Luke bought it at a gas station. So that's who buys those things. Lorelai's worried that further investigation of Luke's glove compartment may reveal ganja and a red and green knit cap. Luke says he simply bought a CD, not a membership to Rastafarian culture. Lorelai can't believe there was this chunk of time when they weren't with each other, when she was working her ass of and he was running around buying reggae CDs. Luke reminds her it was just one CD. Lorelai says she hates that they were apart. She tells him he's lucky she's back in his life, since he was clearly lost without her: "It's a miracle you're even still alive. Right?" Luke smiles. "You bet." All better now.
QT party. Reservoir Dogs soundtrack. Fake Eric Stoltz takes a shot as Mr. Pink walks past with two...Isabella Rossellinis from Blue Velvet? Who's that character in the blue sequins with the black, curly wig? And why does one look right at us as she passes? Robert's glad to see the booze right away. Rory says she'll wait until she's actually at the party instead of entering it. Robert is dressed, I think, as Michael Madsen's Kill Bill character. I think. Oh, he says he's "Dead Extra Number 2." Well, fine. Finn is dressed as Vincent Vega. The fake Daryl Hannah Extra looks an awful lot like Daryl Hannah. Robert tells Finn he owes Robert forty bucks. On his birthday, no less! Finn forks over the cash. The girl in the back wearing the Bridget Fonda outfit gets kudos for her bravery. Finn and Robert call each other's fathers cross-dressers. Rory is once again introduced to Finn, who doesn't remember her. Finn goes back into his party. Robert compliments Rory's costume, but Rory's too busy staring at Logan (dressed as Bruce Willis from Pulp Fiction ["my sister had to ID that one for me" -- Wing Chun]), who's talking to his date, The Bride. Rory runs into Colin, who ditched his date when he found out she was dressed as Mira Sorvino (blond wig, name tag that read "Mira Sorvino.") I guess Colin doesn't think that counts. I guess I'll take off this video store costume now. Logan introduces his temp date Whitney to everybody. Her wig is terrible. Logan, Robert, and Rory engage in awkward small talk until everyone leaves to go drink and flirt on their own. Rory asks Robert his last name. Ha! I knew it!
Luke begs Lorelai to turn off the reggae. They eat food in his truck. Total waste of the shoes and dress, but a good burrito is worth anything. Oh, they're just duck-shaped leftovers. I must be hungry. Luke accuses Lorelai of playing the CD over and over, hoping Luke would beg for mercy. He does. Lorelai informs him that she hasn't actually been playing the same song over and over. That's reggae. And that's exactly how I feel about reggae. Luke and Lorelai notice a sound coming from Lorelai's garage. They go to investigate. Luke brandishes a weapon, and Lorelai begs him not to hurt any cute raccoons. Luke says he'll only scare them. Lorelai suggests that he play some of the reggae CD to scare them.
So it's Kirk, naked in Luke's boat, asleep under a barely-there blanket. Lorelai: "I probably should be more surprised than I am, right?" Luke wakes Kirk up, much to the displeasure of everyone else's eyeballs. Lorelai and Luke tell Kirk he's at Lorelai's, in Luke's boat. "I'm exposed," Kirk notes. He wraps himself in his Batman blanket. Kirk did just what Luke told him to do: he left his mom's house. He packed his clothes, gave his mom his key, and left. Lorelai says that this is a big deal. Kirk says that Luke told Kirk he can't have a grown-up relationship with Lulu with sleepovers if he lives with his mom. But now Kirk doesn't have anywhere to go: "I probably should have found an apartment first." Lorelai tells him he can stay in Rory's room tonight. Kirk tells Lorelai he thinks there's a raccoon in the garage. Lorelai tells him to go into the house. Luke needs a haircut. A little too much wispy on top there. Hair doesn't need whimsy. Actually, it's the same hair they give mfTL, isn't it? Lorelai can't believe Luke gave Kirk any advice at all, and that now they have to take care of him because of it: "He is now our responsibility." Lorelai cites the Colin Powell Pottery Barn rule: "You break it, you buy it." Luke groans.
The QT party is playing the most annoying song from any soundtrack, Kill Bill or no. I have now asked two QT fans who the ladies in sequins and gloves are supposed to be. They both guessed, "I don't know. Something from Jackie Brown?" ["I think your Blue Velvet guess was probably right." -- Wing Chun] Robert and Rory are standing at a table, where Robert is explaining his entire life goal: to outlive his brother, inherit the entire family fortune, put all his sisters out on the street, live as frivolously as possible, have numerous wives and thousands of children, die completely alone, and leave every cent to a parrot named Moe. Well, I do believe this date is over. Colin comes by, looking for another girl to mack on, complaining that their incestuous parties never make for good fresh meat. Finn asks, "Who's as drunk as I am?" Colin: "No one, since Spencer Tracy died." Mad props to the guy in the background dressed as Chris Penn at the end of True Romance. Finn asks Rory if he's met her yet. "Several times," she answers. He leaves.
Robert goes to fetch Rory a drink that isn't too strong. This allows Logan to swoop in and ask how her date's going. They make small talk about Robert. "Teenage Wedding" plays in the background. Rory's enjoying Logan's jealousy. Logan tells Rory that Robert is "kind of a jerk." No kidding. Rory says she hadn't noticed. Logan grabs Rory's arm and pulls her to a place where he feels more comfortable making out -- another wall that's kind of in a corner but not really. He tells her she looks great. They kiss, and Rory pulls away, looking for Robert. Logan asks how school is. "School's hard," Rory says, with a little catch in her throat. That's what happens when you hang out with people who don't actually have to go to college to be wealthy and successful in life. Logan says it'll make her an upstanding citizen. "God-fearing Christian," Rory adds. More kissing. Logan wants to ditch all of this because he hates that Rory's here with someone else. He wants her to leave with him, go anywhere. Even go to New York for the evening (Jess flashback!), just get out of that party and away from her date. But Rory, surprisingly, does the right thing here, and decides she'll leave with the man she came with. Finn's Vega has found his Mia, and they (impressively) dance us out of the scene.
Luke's complaining about the state of Lorelai's refrigerator -- that it holds nothing but massive quantities of calories. "How are you not four hundred pounds?" he asks. Lorelai answers: "Scientists call it 'The Lorelai Effect.'" He asks whom she's calling. Lorelai is checking to see if Rory left a message. Luke brings over two bowls for the ice cream. "Who's washing those?" she asks. Luke puts the bowls back and grabs two spoons. Lorelai asks if they're out of plastic. Luke goes back to grab two plastic spoons. Lorelai then tells him they'll need four because the plastic ones break. Luke then fetches Lorelai her slippers, chases his tail for fifteen minutes, and pees on the rug. Lorelai tries to explain to Luke that Rory's on a date with a boy who's not her boyfriend because college means dating whoever is standing in front of you at the time. Luke thinks that's what kids are supposed to do, but Lorelai thinks that's not who Rory is. She says she can't talk to Rory about it because she is worried about her Mom status. I suppose with her current relationship with Emily, she'd hate to do something that would push Rory away from her, by disagreeing with the way she's running her life. Luke thinks Lorelai's still the mother, and should do some mothering when Rory needs a little social guidance. Lord knows Rory hasn't dealt much with real people in her life. And by that I mean "mean" people, who didn't grow up with the rose-colored glasses of Stars Hollow. Mean Yale people with sexually transmitted diseases, who probably throw rainbow parties in their parents' guesthouses. I mean...College is great! High school is fun! Huzzah! Naked Kirk wanders through the house, carrying his blankie. Lorelai realizes that they probably didn't lock the front door. Luke goes off to fetch Kirk.
Luke's. Emily storms in, furious. I do mean furious. She asks what's wrong with Luke, "besides the obvious lack of fashion sense." Says the woman in a pink speckled blazer. Emily can't understand how stupid Luke would have to be not to get back together with Lorelai, after she specifically told him how and why he should do exactly what she says. Luke can't get a word in edgewise as Emily is insulting him, yelling at him at his place of business, telling him exactly what she thinks about him. There's a suggestion box, Emily. It's a nicer way to offer criticism of someone when you're both in public. Also, it's not Luke's job to live his life the way you tell him to, particularly when you think he doesn't live his life correctly, or how you'd live it, or up to some potential you think he can never reach. And it seems that everybody is happy with Luke but you and your husband, so maybe it'd be better if you didn't talk to Luke at all anymore, or visit his place of work. That might make you happier, since it seemed to be a big inconvenience for you to tell him what to do in the first place. Luke tries to tell Emily he's in the middle of fixing a toaster, but Emily screams that she doesn't care what he's in the middle of, because she has decided this is the time she's going to tell him how she feels about him, and what she thinks he should and shouldn't be doing. She blames Luke for tearing apart her family, for making her life miserable. Luke doesn't know how to keep Emily from assaulting him with insults, so he calls Lorelai using the number one key on his touchpad.
Lorelai's on Stars Hollow Drive (I do believe I've made that street name up, but I'm using it) when she gets the call. She hears Emily yelling. She runs over to Luke's.
By the time Lorelai reaches Luke's, Emily has moved on to the fact that Luke never followed-through on Richard's plan to franchise the diner: "Apparently, you can't follow through with anything. Not even a razor!" Luke has remained pretty quiet through all of this, since he doesn't want to insult Emily (because we all know he has no problem yelling in his own diner). Lorelai runs in and asks Emily what she's doing there. Emily says she's having what she's sure will be another fruitless conversation with Luke. Lorelai profusely apologizes to Luke, who says it's okay. Lorelai tells Emily to go home, that she has no right to go to Luke's job and insult him, causing a scene. Emily thinks she has every right to be there because she "has something to say." Lorelai doesn't care what Emily has to say: "We just want you to please butt out of our lives." Now Emily gets that Luke and Lorelai are back together, and the blame shifts. Luke tells Emily that while he did get back together with Lorelai, it wasn't because Emily told him to. Emily is not the boss of him. Lorelai reminds her mother that their split was a direct result of what Emily did. There has been no apology on Emily's end, and she's insanely rude and judgmental to Luke, so why would Lorelai go back to Friday Night Dinners like nothing had ever happened? Emily says she only did what she did out of concern. "Oh, please," Lorelai says. Emily feels, as Lorelai's mother, that she has every right to be concerned: "Especially when it looks like you're taking your life down a completely disastrous path." "Mom!" growls Lorelai, interrupting. "Please hear me. If I want your input in my life in any way, shape or form I will ask for it. Until then, do us all a favor and SHUT UP!" There is a moment when the world gasps. Emily's face crumples a bit as she sees Lorelai's anger seemingly for the first time. She leaves the diner. Lorelai is breathless and shocked at what just came out of her mouth. Luke says he's suddenly a big fan of the speed dial. He gives Lorelai's hand a loving pat as Lorelai sits down to regain her footing. I'm surprised this doesn't end the episode. A scene like this one usually does.
Lorelai calls Rory's cell, assuming Rory will have heard an earful about Luke's. But instead Rory had just gotten a call from Kirk, asking if he could crash at her dorm. Lorelai says tells Rory that this Kirk thing is a long story. Rory asks how the date went. Lorelai says it was great; the dress was a hit. She awkwardly asks for a recap of Rory's evening. Rory gloats about how jealous Logan was, and how everything worked really well because now Logan's calling her all the time and doesn't want her seeing anyone else at all: "Complete and total turnaround." ["Not really, if he's still seeing other people." -- Wing Chun] Lorelai says it sounds like all the balls are in Rory's court, and then realizes how dirty that sentence was. Rory asks if she's okay. Lorelies that she's fine.
Michel is on a cell phone with the bolo guy, who wants to know a measurement of something inside the motor home. Michel goes outside to measure, threatening to give the motor home to elastic-waist pants lady instead. Anyway, Michel goes into his motor home only to find Kirk asleep on the bed, still naked, still clutching his Batman blankie. Michel can only muster the strength to roll his eyes. Why didn't these two scenes happen before the confrontation at Luke's?
Six weeks off. Everybody go outside.