Lorelai stumbles into her dimly lit kitchen to find Rory on what could only be described as a coke bender. She's making mac and cheese in the middle of the night because she's still on her finals schedule. Oh, her laundry's done! And she'll just do jumping jacks right now, if that's okay with you. She loves mac and cheese! Rory makes the grossest mac and cheese ever, with a bowl of hot pasta covered in individual cheese slices (ew!). As Rory folds slices into her noodles (see?), she chatters on about how she's going to have to get a summer job so she won't have to swipe lunch cards year. Because it took up so much of her time this year. Lorelai falls onto a chair as Rory fetches her load of whites. Rory carries the laundry basket to her room as she wonders if she could be a fact-checker for the Stars Hollow Gazette. Lorelai seizes the opportunity to lock her daughter in her room by closing the door and propping a chair under the knob. (Wonder Killer Activate: The door opens the other way, so that chair wouldn't actually keep the door from opening. But while we're on the subject of things people used to do in the '70s and '80s in order to thwart and/or deceive...why doesn't anybody knock anyone out with chloroform anymore? Ah, that ubiquitous bottle and white handkerchief! It was the best part about playing "Spy," pretending to go on about your day, getting grabbed from behind suddenly -- your mouth covered, you'd widen your eyes and make a muffled, shocked sound. Then you'd struggle for three seconds and then pass out. Good times. What replaced chloroform? Roofies?)
We could play a game called "Spot the Dragonfly" in this episode, with the number of them on clothes, jewelry, decorations, and conversation subjects, but that would be higher than a scarf count. Lorelai and Michel walk down the stairs as Michel reads off the room assignments. Lorelai asks Michel why he skipped Room 4. Michel explains that 4 is taken by some of his friends. Lorelai says that Michel's beloved chows cannot stay at The Dragonfly. Hey, aren't Paw-Paw and Chin-Chin also the names of Martha Stewart's chows? Michel whines that the dogs can't stay home by themselves, or they will get lonely and "eat expensive Italian things." Lorelai tells Grumpy Tom she's putting Post-Its where they need paint touch-ups. This seems like it'll be a set-up for a joke later, but it's not. Lorelai says she'd really like the doors to have arrived by Saturday, when they're doing their test run. Tom says that the doors are coming. They are? Ooh. I hope they play "Soul Kitchen." Michel compares his dogs to Rory, saying that the canines are both cleaner and quieter than Lorelai's offspring is. Michel says he loves his dogs as much as Lorelai loves Rory. Lorelai says she carried Rory for nine months and twenty-six hours (for those of you crafting the home game), and so there's no comparison. Michel says he would have given birth to his puppies if he could.
Lorelai walks away to find Kirk stacking wood (dirty!) in the fireplace. He wears a lumberjack plaid flannel as he tells Lorelai that he put wood in all the guest rooms (dirty!). As he leaves, he tells Michel that he hates dogs, since they urinate on wood (dir...eh, that's...sorry...). Lulu, Kirk's girlfriend, appears from just off-camera to giggle and force through that painful-looking grin that she just loves it when Kirk looks like the Brawny Paper Towel guy. "It is a good outfit," Lorelai agrees. Lulu looks around and says that the place looks "absolutely wonderful." She asks when it opens. Two weeks, but they're having a test run on Saturday, if you haven't heard yet. Lorelai invites Lulu, saying she can have Paw-Paw and Chin-Chin's room. Where will Michel sleep? Lulu is excited to have the offer. She says that Kirk would feel better too, since he'd be able to check up on the wood. Lorelai: "Kirk's lucky to have found you, Lulu."
Sookie has hired a kitchen army, and she's very proud of all their hard work. Do they have to wear chef whites even when the inn isn't open to the public? Who are they making all that food for? Lorelai enters the kitchen, and Sookie gushes that this is the best kitchen staff she's ever had. Lorelai explains that there are way too many of them. Sookie says she hired seven thinking two would quit, but all of them have stayed and they're wonderful. Lorelai says they can't afford so many workers, so Sookie's going to have to play Trump at the test run which is on Saturday!!! Lorelai walks away from Sookie and pours a cup of coffee as Michel comes back inside and notes that Kirk is missing "all sorts of chromosomes." Lorelai tells him that she's put Kirk and Lulu in Room 4. "You cut me," Michel says. He reads off the rest of the list, and when he gets to Luke in Room 7, Lorelai gets all gooey and weird at the mention of her favorite grumpster. I just called him "grumpster" because that's what people in love do -- they make up nauseatingly cute words for things that are mean, pouty, or sourpussy. Hee. Sourpussy. That's not even "dirty." That's "NC-17." Lorelai stammers that she didn't know Luke was coming, which is fine, even though that's funny, but hey that's cool baby, you know how it is, rockin' and rollin' and whatnot. Michel simply stares at her. Lorelai says that Luke will be in lucky number 7, not that he'll get lucky. Sookie walks over and proudly displays a bowl of chopped onions. She loves how they're chopped so much she'd like to string them up and wear them around her neck. "Well, that wouldn't be at all eccentric," Michel says. When does Michel get his own episode? I love him. Lorelai hugs Sookie and says in all the craziness she forgot today was Sookie's wedding anniversary. Sookie takes .05 seconds and then goes, "Oh, my God." She runs off.
Oh, I guess the Post-It joke does pay off, but not when you'd expect and at a different location entirely. Rory wakes up to find a Post-It that reads "Lunch at Lukes" (who needs an apostrophe when you're in Love?) taped to her forehead. The clock says it's 11:26. She sits up to find herself covered in her own laundry on her bed.
Rory and Lane try to figure out how to play a videogame because girls don't understand videogames because boys are awesome, woo! Rory asks if this is what "teenage boys" are doing instead of watching television. "Seems like a lateral move." First of all, "teenage boys"? Who says that? But secondly: all boys. ALL BOYS. Ask any seven-year-old or Glark. ["Uh, and girls. Glark got us a new GameCube title about a month ago and my sister and I ended up playing it more than he did and soon were kicking his ass at it, even though he is a boy. Crazy world!" -- Wing Chun] Lane asks Rory if she's hungry. Rory says she's starving. But she was supposed to be at Luke's already! Lane lifts up her kitchen floorboard to pull out two containers of Pringles. She tells Rory that the boys will eat anything, including some vanilla almond body lotion she'd bought the other day: "On chips. Mine, by the way."
Rory tells Lane that Jess came by to see her. Lane can't believe Rory has been over for twenty minutes and is only just mentioning that bit of info. Dude, it happened, like, a week ago, probably while you were at a gig, so what else do you expect from your Be Fri? Lane asks Rory to tell her the story, but stops her momentarily to make sure she has a Pringle in hand. (Wonder Killer Notes: The Pringles had already been opened, since the flavor seal was removed.) Rory says her date with the guy Emily set her up with was "James Spader in Pretty in Pink" bad. Lane says she could have stopped at just "James Spader." Rory tells Lane how Jess wanted her to run away with him (leaving out the part about calling CuteDean in the middle of the night and spending all this time with him). She giggles as she tells Lane that she told Jess she didn't know what to do and that it was so weird. She says it was "just Jess," and that he showed up out of the blue with this "crazy proposal." Rory says it was awful. Lane argues that it isn't awful: "How incredibly romantic to have this guy show up out of the blue and want to take you away with him!" Yes, because all women want to be blind-sided, knocked over the head, and then dragged away to wherever some guy is going. ["Plus since when is Lane on Jess's side in anything?" -- Wing Chun] Rory says she thought Jess was going to be perfect, since they shared similar interests, but that he's great one minute and evil the other. ["Pfft. She's half right." -- Wing Chun] She says she could have said yes, packed her bag, and then by the time she got to his car he'd have changed his mind. Continuing their recitation of our Jess thread, Lane counter-points that this is what makes Jess so cute -- his unpredictability. Rory says that this never happened when she was with CuteDean. He always made her feel safe. Lane says that Dean was very dependable. Rory says that he is, was, is, so...um...yeah: "And he was so nice to me." Lane says that CuteDean really loved her. Rory says she blew it with him. YES. YOU DID. FORTY EPISODES AGO. Rory says she didn't appreciate CuteDean when she had him. Lane comments that every girl has to fall for a bad boy once in her life: "It's the reason so many accountants eventually get married." Rory chuckles and tucks her head in her arm. Awesome scene, three seasons in the making. Thank you for having Rory finally talk about Jess versus Dean.
I don't even care that The Troubadour is singing a little song in the middle of Stars Hollow now. Rory walks past and says hello. He doesn't sing hi back.
Lorelai is inside Luke's (dirty!) watching Luke like a hawk when Rory enters. Rory complains that Lorelai didn't wake her up, and that at this rate she'll be sleeping her entire break away. Lorelai says that Rory was like Farrah on Letterman. Lorelai asks Rory to pay attention to how Luke is acting. Luke walks over and pours the girls some coffee. He asks if they need a minute. Lorelai goes all crazy with the stammering and the awkward, and says they do need a minute. Luke leaves, and Lorelai asks Rory what she thought -- if she noticed anything weird or different. I notice that Rory's holding a cup of boiling hot coffee in the palm of her hand. That's weird. Lorelai keeps asking Rory questions as Rory gets more and more confused regarding the line of questioning. Lorelai takes Rory's hand and leads her out of the diner.
Outside the diner, Lorelai man-handles Rory a bit, prompting the question, "What's your damage, Heather?" Lorelai tells Rory that she might be dating Luke. Rory asks how and when. Lorelai says they had a great time at Liz's wedding, and that they danced. Rory asks what kind of dancing they did. "We popped and locked," Lorelai says. Rory asks if it was a fast dance, slow dance, or a group dance like "The Hustle." Lorelai says it was a waltz: "Luke can waltz." Rory: "Luke can waltz?" Lorelai: "Luke can waltz." Rory: "Look how you just said 'Luke can waltz'!" Lorelai: "What? I'm just saying I'm surprised Luke can waltz." Rory: "That sounded more like, 'I'm surprised I still have my clothes on.'" ["Ha. Because it's true." -- Wing Chun] Lorelai tells Rory that nothing else happened, other than that he asked Lorelai out to a movie. Rory says that the movie sounds like dating to her. Rory takes a second to realize this is "our Luke." Also "the town Luke," and that they see him every day and he's a part of their lives. Yes, and your mother's about to ruin another lifelong relationship of yours with her terrible romantic decisions. Say hi to Christopher for us, would you? Rory says that everyone will know that Luke and Lorelai are dating, and will know when they're together and not together. She says that Lorelai can't just date Luke, but if she's with him, she's totally with him. If it doesn't work out it'd be bad for both Rory and Lorelai. Man, this is such a great episode. They say what we're thinking! Rory asks Lorelai if she's sure about this, and ready for what kind of commitment it could be. Lorelai says they're getting ahead of themselves, and that this thing with Luke could be a totally innocent situation. She says they should go back in and see if anything's weird.
Back in the diner, Lorelai casually saunters back to her table. "Is everything okay?" Luke asks. Lorelai says, "Yes," and then collapses onto the table, knocking everything over. Hysterical. I watch it four times because it's awesome. It's the sound of the bouncing plastic cup that kills me. Luke leaves to get a broom. "That was a little weird," Rory notes. She then is captivated by what she sees outside Luke's window -- CuteDean. I am captivated by how much he's starting to look homeless, with his pants that don't fit and his hair that's everywhere and the shirt over the other shirt that doesn't match at all. Man. Someone Queer Eye CuteDean on the double. Rory waves; CuteDean ignores. Rory's smile fades.
Friday-night dinner. That means the test run is tomorrow! Lorelai and Rory are trading dinner garnishes because Lorelai thinks the meal is "gross." Lorelai says she doesn't like rabbit. Emily says she's not eating rabbit. Lorelai says it's rabbit sauce. Richard agrees. I wouldn't know I was eating rabbit even if I was sucking on a rabbit smoothie. Unless there was some kind of cottontail garnish. Then I might clue in. Emily says it isn't rabbit sauce. Richard says it tastes like rabbit sauce to him. Emily says it's duck. She asks the maid to clear the plates and bring out dessert, even though everyone hasn't yet finished his or her gross meal. Emily tells Rory she thinks they should go away to Europe together over the summer, just the two of them. She says that Rory should "do Europe right" at some point in her life. Wow. Way to insult everyone at the table with one sentence, Emily. Very impressive. Rory's caught off-guard, Richard's insulted, and Lorelai can't believe Emily just popped this question from out of the blue. Lorelai sees that her father's staring at his hand and asks if he's okay. Richard asks when dessert is arriving, since he has work to do. Emily says that it's coming as quickly as the woman can spoon fruit over ice cream. Richard thinks the woman must have carpal tunnel, or some other "modern disease." Emily suggests that Richard go in there and give the woman a hand. Lorelai tells Richard and Emily that she's having a test run at the inn, and that it would mean a lot to her if the two of them came for the weekend, since she's been working towards this for twenty years, and other than the birth of her daughter, this is the most important thing that has happened to her. She's all, "Unless there's some reason you guys can't come." And before Richard and Emily can protest or tell her that they're separated, Lorelai reiterates how important it is to her that they're there. Lorelai's parents say they wouldn't think of missing it.
Outside Emily's, Lorelai explains that she's really going to put her parents in the bungalow outside of the inn. Is that what they're calling the barn now? She's going to lock them in a room together for a weekend until they either work things out or murder each other. Rory: "Well, look who died and made you Hailey Mills."
Kirk walks into the diner, tells Luke they need to talk, and heads up to Luke's apartment.
Once inside, Kirk notes how small Luke's place is, and then compliments the windows. "I don't have any windows," he explains. "My room at my mom's house used to be a bomb shelter. It's very cold. But great for raquetball." Kirk tells Luke that he needs Luke's help. Lulu is so excited about her romantic weekend with Kirk at the inn. Kirk is worried because they've never spent the night together. Luke says that this conversation is making him uncomfortable. Kirk says that it's not the sex, since they've had "lots and lots of sex," but the fact that he has night terrors -- "Basically, I freak out at beddie bye" -- and is worried that in the middle of the night he might try to kill Lulu, or at least strip down naked and run around screaming until he almost kills himself. Odd that something that's been plaguing him for years is unknown to the people of Stars Hollow. I guess Kirk's mom locks that bomb shelter at night. ["Also, between Kirk's night terrors and Digger's inability to sleep in a bed with another person, it makes you wonder what kind of freakish sleep problems Daniel Palladino may exhibit himself." -- Wing Chun] Kirk says the worst part of the night terrors is that he always ends up completely naked. He knows that Luke's in a nearby room and will be able to hear if Kirk does anything weird and can stop him before he scares Lulu, who just might be the love of his life. "I can't assault her before I tell her I love her," he explains. He tells Luke to listen for screaming or Russian, and then Luke should come in and pull Kirk off of Lulu, unless it looks like they shouldn't be separated. Luke's totally grossed out by the conversation. Kirk begs him, saying Lulu's banking on this weekend. Luke agrees and Kirk thanks him profusely: "Just don't touch my bottom or I'll think you have a machete." Luke tells Kirk to never say the word "bottom" again. Kirk thanks him again and starts to leave, but then asks, "What kind of clothes are you bringing?" Hee.
Sookie tells Rory that all seven of her kitchen staff are great. Rory tells Sookie that one is bound to start sucking soon. Lorelai now actually has one of those Nextel phones I was joking about last recap, and is using it to talk with Grumpy Tom about the doors which still aren't attached to their rooms. Tom promises that the doors are on their way. Sookie says that her staff is fantastic. Michel speaks over the other Nextel to announce that the guests are arriving. Lorelai asks him to stall, since the doors aren't here yet. Michel says he's bringing them up now. Tom beeps that the doors are on the way. Lorelai tells Tom she's loving him like a two-dollar whore. Tom: "Terrific. I'll tell my wife." Lorelai shimmies to the door, announcing to everyone that the guests are arriving. This is it. The Dragonfly is officially almost open for business, just like it was at the beginning of the season!
On the porch of the Dragonfly, Lorelai reminds everyone that the people arriving aren't their friends, but customers. Three carts from The WB lot pull up and circle the fountain, pretending to be tour carts. Lorelai welcomes everyone. Babette (traveling without Morey) and Miss Patty tell Lorelai that the place looks great. Babette is already impressed with the number of babies that will be conceived on this property. Babette, no spoilers! Miss Patty sees some horses and is off to go look at them. Taylor walks up and complains that the ride up was very dusty, so Lorelai should warn guests not to wear white pants on their arrival. Lorelai calls some bellmen over to carry Taylor's bags. Tom tells Lorelai that the doors are getting loaded in, and that Dean will start putting them up. At the mention of his name, Rory runs off to find him. Lorelai welcomes Kirk and Lulu to the inn. Lulu thanks Lorelai again for the invitation, and walks off to see the horses. Kirk asks Lorelai if Luke's there yet. Lorelai says he's not. Kirk wants to make sure that Luke will be there before he goes to sleep. "It's a guy thing," he explains.
Rory finds CuteDean, who is still trying to ignore her. She asks if they can talk. She tells CuteDean that Jess didn't stay, and that she told him to go. CuteDean says he doesn't care. Rory says she's been calling him and following him around and he won't look her in the eye. CuteDean makes a big to-do, all full of heavy breathing, as he bends in half to be able to look Rory square in the eye. "I have to go," he says. Rory says again she told Jess to leave. CuteDean points out that she also told CuteDean to leave, and that she's always done that -- pushed CuteDean away for Jess, even though Jess is an asshole. Rory says she didn't ask Jess to come, she asked CuteDean to come. She asks why he's so mad. CuteDean says he thought Rory was back with Jess. Rory says she's not, but asks why it matters if she is. Oh, whatever, Rory. You know the answer to that one, evil girl. CuteDean says he doesn't like Jess. "Okay," Rory says. CuteDean says he doesn't want her with Jess. Rory asks if that's because Jess doesn't treat her right. CuteDean agrees. As they start to lean closer and closer together, Rory asks if CuteDean doesn't want Rory to be with someone who doesn't treat her right because they're friends. CuteDean says that's right. "I'm your friend," he says like he's a little nauseated. As he leans in to kiss her, Grumpy Tom interrupts by asking Dean if he's put those doors on yet. Who's the creepy person looking though the window behind Tom in this scene? That's weird. Anyway, CuteDean laughs because he almost kissed Rory. The affair interrupted, CuteDean goes on about his job while Rory tries to figure out what's so important in everyone else's life today that she can't mug down with her married ex-boyfriend in a hallway. Jeez.
This KFC Hipster ad campaign is the stupidest thing. No, wait. The Garfield/Black Eyed Peas commercial is the stupidest thing. Wait. Ugh. I can't believe I just wrote either of those sentences.
Lorelai checks in a complete stranger named Freddy. Miss Patty tells Lorelai that the place is spectacular. Lorelai checks her into Room 1 and asks her to be objective about her stay at the inn. Miss Patty promises to be a pain. Then she flirts with her door holder. Taylor delivers his list of complaints, of which there are already fourteen. He even brought his own comment cards.
Kirk asks Michel to remove the lamp, bookends, books, shoe horns, and sewing kit from his room. He asks if the pictures are bolted to the wall. Michel says he's not ripping the pictures out of Kirk's room. "Well then, apparently you've never been in love," Kirk snaps.
Lorelai checks in a couple both wearing all black. With only twelve rooms, how are there so many strangers sleeping at the Dragonfly? Emily and Richard show up with an amazing amount of luggage. "Look, Rory, there are your grandparents," Lorelai says. "And everything they own." Emily says that Lorelai wasn't specific on attire, so they had to overpack. Richard asks for their key: "I am tired from the drive." Lorelai says it was only a twenty-minute drive. "It felt longer," says Richard. Lorelai tells her parents that they're staying in the nearby bungalow, the Dragonfly's best room. Emily looks concerned that their room isn't connected to the inn, but follows the bellmen. Rory tells her mother she's The Bad Seed. Lorelai quotes a line. Luke arrives, with flowers. He hands them over to Lorelai as a congratulation. Lorelai coos and forgets how to speak English. Luke asks if she's okay. She says she's fine, and then walks headfirst into a passing door. Hee. Lorelai tells Luke to follow the door. Luke asks if she's sure she's okay. Lorelai says it's the third time she's done that today, and it's now the hotel theme: comedy. Luke walks off. Lorelai and Rory stare at each other, trying not to laugh as Lorelai tells Rory she's locked her in before and she'll do it again.
Dinner. Jackson and Rory are sharing a table. They tell Lorelai that everything is going very, very well. Lorelai compliments Jackson's Creedence t-shirt. Jackson says he was shocked that Sookie remembered their anniversary, what with everything going on. Lorelai says that Sookie would never forget her mushroom man. Jackson and Rory say the food is fantastic, and not just because Jackson's sleeping with the chef...and the zucchini. Grumpy Tom cleans up well in a suit. He tells Lorelai he's more of a "suit guy" than anything else. Lorelai tells Rory she's off to make the rounds. She finds Luke between Miss Patty and Babette, who are wearing their complimentary robes at the table. Luke is focused on his plate, since he looked up once and saw Babette's special places when her robe opened up. "His poor little heart couldn't take it," Babette says. Luke's dressed in the clothes Lorelai picked out for him long ago, and is blushing at the teasings of the two loud ladies on either side of him. Lorelai and Luke share a quiet moment when she knows how much she likes him and he knows he likes her and they can't talk about it right now. Lorelai makes this little gasp laugh that makes me think even I'm dating her now. She leaves, running into one of the servers. Kirk leans into Luke and says everything's set up. Luke tells Kirk to stop whispering in his ear.
Sookie watches from the door as Taylor sits down, ready to judge her food. She makes a beeline over to him and asks how his server was: "Derrick. Was he rude? Slow? Stupid?" Taylor says that Derrick's been an excellent waiter all evening. "Crap," Sookie whispers, crestfallen. She leaves.
In the kitchen Lorelai tells Sookie that she has no need for salad in her life, but that this one is amazing. Sookie complains that all of her staff are great. "What happened to the disenfranchised youth of America?" she asks. Michel enters from checking the backup generators and says that everything's going fine. The dinner's going fine. Everyone's settled. The doors are up. Everyone's happy. They listen to the sound of people laughing, talking, eating. "This is gonna work," Lorelai says to Michel and Sookie. She leaves.
What happens when everything seems to be going just fine? Digger. Wearing really bad pants. He tells Lorelai that the place looks great. He's standing in the lobby, and Lorelai isn't happy to see him at all. Digger says they need to talk, and that he's been staying away, giving Lorelai space. Lorelai says it wasn't space; they broke up. Digger says he didn't look at it that way. He thought of it as a cooling-off period. Like escrow. Lorelai reminds Digger that he's suing her father. "Goodbye!" she says. Digger says he's not leaving. Lorelai begs him to go. Digger asks for a room. Lorelai says that every room is taken and that he can't stay: "Please go." She says she'll call him on Monday. Digger can't wait until Monday, since she could talk herself out of trying again with him. Lorelai says she'd have to talk herself into trying first, so she'd probably wait until Tuesday to call him. Digger asks when she's on break. Lorelai says she won't have a break for two days. Digger says those are terrible hours, and that he'd like a word with her boss. Lorelai says she can't do this. Digger says he's been staring at a dead plant for two weeks. He says he's not leaving until they work this out. "Oh, boy," says Lorelai. Digger tells Lorelai to go about her business, and says he'll just sit in the lobby until she's got some time. Jess...I mean "Digger" sits down and cracks a joke about the coffee table book available to him. "Oh, look! Above Connecticut. I've been looking for that." Lorelai doesn't call Security.
Later, during board games, Lulu interrupts her game of Life to tell Kirk she's getting tired. Kirk loudly announces that they're going to bed. The wallpaper in that room is so ugly, it looks like they're at a Bennigans. Babette tells Luke that it appears as though Kirk wants Luke to go upstairs and make love to him.
Lorelai asks Rory and Tom how their backgammon game is going. Tom says that Rory is letting him win, which is very annoying. Lorelai tells Rory that they locked the kitchen crew in with Michel, but that the plan backfired: six of them quit, and now Sookie and Lorelai have to find new employees. She asks Rory to run home and get some CDs in case a guest wants to listen to music in his or her room. Too bad they didn't invite Lane to be a guest, since she's broke and starving in her hovel. She likes CDs. Luke watches Lorelai head over to Digger.
Lorelai hands Digger a plate of food. Digger thanks her and asks her to sit and have dinner with him. He says he wants to fix everything that went wrong between them. Over his shoulder, we can see Luke watching their exchange.
Babette rolls a full house and cheers that she's kicking Luke's ass in Yahtzee. Luke asks whom Lorelai's talking to. Babette gives Luke the earful, explaining that Digger's Lorelai's ex, who was also Richard's partner, blah blah blah conflictcakes. Babette says she thought they broke up, but there he is, so maybe they didn't. "I could ask Patty for you, if you want," she offers. Patty often has information first, since her phone line sometimes picks up other people's conversations: "Something about proximity to the power lines. I tell ya, 'location, location, location!'" Hee.
Lorelai tells Digger she has to get back to work. Digger says he's fine; he has food, Sookie brought him wine, and he's moved on to Gnomes of the West. Lorelai tells him that someone will bring him dessert. Ugh. Someone call Security.
Emily storms in, furious that Lorelai locked her in the bungalow with Richard, so that they didn't get to join other people for dinner. Lorelai says that it's supposed to be romantic -- the honeymoon suite, to spend their evening together. She asks all dramatically, "Why would you want to get away from each other, Mom? Are you and Dad fighting?" Emily tells her to stop it; she knows Lorelai must know, and she's mad that Lorelai intentionally did this. Lorelai asks what she was supposed to do. Emily calls Lorelai cruel and insensitive, and thinks Lorelai should have been respectful of knowing even if she was supposed to pretend she didn't know: "And then you forced your father and me to come here tonight under pretense of family obligation." Lorelai: "Well, hello, that's the Gilmore way." Emily says she won't stay in the cabin anymore. She demands an interior room, and tells Lorelai to bump someone. Lorelai asks what happened between Richard and Emily: "Was it Floyd's lawsuit?" Emily asks for a room. Lorelai says she doesn't have one. "You don't have a room for your mother?" Lorelai says that the room she gave Emily is the room she has for her. Emily calls the room a practical joke. Lorelai says it's a chance for her to do something special with Richard. Emily decides to wait in the lobby, where she runs into Digger. "Do you have a room?" she asks. Lorelai says that he doesn't, and that Digger just showed up there: "Because apparently it's Blake Edwards night at the Dragonfly." Best line of the season. Richard enters. "Emily. Jason." "Richard." Richard asks Lorelai if she's trying to kill them. "Oh, my God!" Lorelai answers. To be fair, though, she was. Richard announces that he's packed their things, and they can leave. "It's been a blast," Lorelai says. Digger asks if he can have their room. Lorelai gives Digger a look of evil and walks away.
Rory's walking through her dark house, listening to "Satellite of Love." She answers a knock at her door. It's CuteDean, because seriously, he's totally not married. She's wearing some weird Juliet outfit for the occasion. She lets him in. CuteDean says that Taylor's a big hip-hop fan, if she's trying to figure out which music to pick. He's in her room and says it looks the same. He asks if it's weird, being back at home after being away for a while. We don't hear Rory's answer because we're all too busy laughing and shouting, "Away where? When?" CuteDean laughs again and says, "So, um. Today." Rory agrees, "Today." CuteDean says it was an interesting day. Rory agrees. CuteDean says he had a feeling that if Tom hadn't come in when he did.... Rory says, "Dean. Lindsay." CuteDean says it's not working with Lindsay: "I can't make it work. I tried." Rory asks if he's sure, since she heard that the first two years of marriage are the hardest. Two? No, it's just the first year, right? It's just the first year, y'all. Pretty sure that's what they say. CuteDean says he's not happy with Lindsay, and she's not happy and he can't make her: "It was a mistake and I know that now." Rory suggests a counselor. CuteDean laughs and says it's over: "We both feel it. I know we both feel it." Rory makes sure CuteDean really thinks that he and Lindsay think it's over. CuteDean says that they tried. Rory says that if it's over, she's sorry: "I'm sorry you're not happy." CuteDean says he'll be happy again, because things happen for a reason. They sort of touch and breathe weirdly as Rory kind of doesn't protest at all and then they kiss. I wonder if they write these episodes around whom Alexis Bledel is actually dating at the time, because wasn't she with Jared when Rory and CuteDean were dating and with Milo when she and Jess were dating? So CuteDean and Rory kiss and kiss and kiss as they fall to the bed and CuteDean climbs on top of Rory and NO! DON'T GO TO COMMERCIAL UNTIL YOU TAKE OFF THE SHIRT. Dammit, it's the whole point of watching The WB!
Luke decides to meet this Digger fellow. He sits down to Digger in the lobby. They chit-chat about the food. Luke says that Digger's name is familiar. Digger says he's a friend of Lorelai's, and that Lorelai has already mentioned Luke to him. Luke says it's nice to be mentioned. Digger tells Luke that he's dating Lorelai, "going on six months." Luke says he thought they'd broken up. Digger says they hit a rough patch, but that they're working through it: "When it's right, it's right. And Lorelai and I are right." Luke tells Digger he's very happy for him. Digger asks for directions to the bathroom and leaves. Luke thinks for a second, and then gets up to leave as well.
Lorelai finds Luke and says he's the last one up. Luke says he's not the last one up at all. Lorelai asks if he's okay after his butt-kicking from Babette. Luke says he's feeling pretty stupid right now: "I'm not a mysterious man, am I?" Lorelai says that the wardrobe is a bit of a head-scratcher. Luke says he's been very clear with his intentions: "You knew what I was doing." Lorelai says she didn't officially, since he didn't say anything official. Luke says he let his actions speak, as that's what you're supposed to do: "That's the romantic way to do this, dammit." Lorelai says he's right, and apologizes. (Dude, mark that moment in history.) Luke continues, saying that Lorelai went along with all of it, so he assumed that they were on the same page: "And then your boyfriend shows up. Here, at the inn, which I invested in." Luke wouldn't bring up the money right now, would he? If so, watch out, Lorelai. Lorelai says that Digger's not her boyfriend. Luke says that Digger told Luke that he was: "And the whole time I'm thinking to myself, 'What the hell have I been doing this for? She's taken!'"
Luke walks outside the Dragonfly as Lorelai follows him, saying that she's not taken. She says she and Digger broke up. Luke says that Digger doesn't know that. Lorelai tells Luke to calm down. At this point, all of Stars Hollow should be peeking out of their windows, unless those new doors are really well made. Luke says he did everything right and did everything the book said and he thought they were on track and now she's looking at him like he's crazy. Lorelai says she's not. Luke tells her he's never bought flowers for anybody before ever. Lorelai says she loved the flowers. Luke says he thought there was a moment after he walked her home from the wedding. Lorelai says there was a moment. Luke stares at her. "There was a moment," she says again. The guitar strums a bit, prompting us to sit up a little straighter, maybe grab a hand to hold. Luke leans in, and Lorelai leans back, asking him what he's doing. "Will you just stand still?" he asks. They kiss. They stop kissing. Lorelai leans in. Luke leans back, asking her what she's doing. Lorelai asks him to just stand still. They kiss again. As they go to kiss a third time, it's not Digger's pained scream that interrupts them. It is Kirk, naked with a pillow over his crotch, as he runs from the inn in terror. Luke goes to follow him, telling Lorelai he'll explain later.
Lorelai runs into her house, calling Rory's name. She tells Rory that she's missing everything. Lorelai runs upstairs and tells Rory to come back with the CDs before the midgets arrive. Lorelai runs back downstairs, telling Rory that Kirk's running around naked through the square. She's come back to the house to get Band-Aids and a camera. She says that after all this time you'd think she'd remember "Kirk equals camera."
Looking disheveled and guilty, Rory steps out of her bedroom. Lorelai says hello. Seconds later, sheepish and just a little too happy, CuteDean steps out of the bedroom. "Dean came over to borrow something," Rory says. "Yeah," CuteDean says. Yeah. Her innocence. The look on Lorelai's face is perfect: swallowing the desire to scream and wail, the burning behind the eyes, the need to beat that boy up until his dick falls off. CuteDean says he should go, and says goodbye to Lorelai. "Bye, Dean!" Rory says loudly. Ah, isn't that how we all want to lose our virginity? Quickly throwing our clothes back on and then not even a kiss goodnight as he leaves out the back door when our moms come home? Love. True love.
Lorelai walks over and looks inside Rory's room, where we see her dirty whore bed, sheets pushed to the edge of the mattress. Rory tries to talk about the CDs, but Lorelai turns away from the bedroom, closing her eyes. She asks, "So, what'd he borrow?" Rory apologizes for not talking to Lorelai about it first, as she had promised she would, but it just happened and she hadn't planned it. So who brought the condom? Rory says it's awful that she found out this way, but she's fine and everything's okay. She says they were safe, so all the Trojan Man jokes over the years apparently stuck: "And I'm lucky, too, because Dean. He's...well, aren't you glad that it happened with someone who's good and really loves me?" Lorelai says, "But he's married." Rory tells her mother that she doesn't understand the situation. Lorelai: "Is he still married?" Rory: "Yes, but..." Lorelai: "Then I understand the situation." Rory says that Lindsay and CuteDean aren't happy, and that it's not working out between them. "Oh, Rory," says Lorelai. Rory says it's over between them. Lorelai asks if CuteDean told her that it was over, he was moving out, he has a lawyer, and he and Lindsay are dividing up the monster truck season tickets. Rory says they didn't get around to discussing everything: "It was a crazy night." Lorelai says that Rory, the list maker, the girl who thinks everything through, should have maybe discussed those things before "jumping into bed with a married guy." I'm sorry I don't have anything to snark on here. It's just a good scene, and Lorelai says everything we want to say. Rory says that CuteDean isn't a married guy. "He's Dean. My Dean." Lorelai says that he's actually Lindsay's Dean. And then the line we knew she was going to say: "You're the Other Woman." Rory repeats that it's over between CuteDean and Lindsay. Lorelai says it's not over until he's out of the house with the ring off. "He took the ring off," Rory says. But he's putting it back on right now, girl. Lorelai says she can't believe this. Rory says that Dean's in love with her, not Lindsay, and that Lindsay isn't good enough for him. Lindsay wants him to quit school and work all the time and she doesn't see him for the guy Rory knows him to be. Lorelai says that her daughter isn't going to be one of those girls who blames the wife for forcing the husband to cheat. Rory says he wasn't cheating. "He was cheating, Rory," Lorelai says. "He was cheating. And you were cheating with him. There's no other way to spin that, kid." Rory says she's not spinning it, and that she's not a kid: "I'm nineteen."
Lorelai says that this isn't how your first time is supposed to be. Rory asks how it was supposed to be. Lorelai says it was supposed to be in a retirement home and ideally with someone single. Rory says that her first time was with someone sweet and kind who loves her. Lorelai says she didn't raise her to be like this.: "I didn't raise you to be the kind of girl who sleeps with someone else's husband." Rory points out that Lorelai slept with Christopher while he was engaged to Sherry, who was pregnant with Sherry and Christopher's unimportant child. Lorelai asks if Rory has to follow in her footsteps after setting one crappy example. We'll see in nine months, won't we?
Rory walks away as Lorelai follows her, asking Rory what she's going to do now: "Is there a plan?" Rory says she doesn't want to talk about it anymore. Lorelai says she wants what's best for Rory, and doesn't want her to get hurt. She asks what'll happen if CuteDean doesn't leave Lindsay. Rory thinks Lorelai's just mad that Rory didn't come running up to Lorelai for advice before she took this step. Lorelai says that Rory wasn't ready for this step, since she slept with someone else's husband. "He was my boyfriend first!" Rory shouts. By that logic, that Vanessa Paradis had better get her mitts off my boyfriend. Lorelai tells Rory that she dumped Dean, rejected him, picked someone else. Rory runs through the living room, yelling at her mother to stop talking: "I hate you for ruining this for me!"
Rory puts on her coat and sits on her front steps, calling Dean on her cell. Lindsay answers. Rory hangs up and cries. She cries a lot. Lorelai walks out of the house as Rory cries. As Lorelai heads toward her daughter, we fade to black.
See you guys in a few months. Have a great summer. Try not to sleep with any married men.