Episode Report Card Pamie: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT CuteDean's Not A Virgin Anymore
By Pamie | Season 4 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.13.2003
Rory walks into Lane's house, ready to give Lane a serious talking-to. She says that it's Lane's responsibility to call Rory and let her know if she's coming home on the same weekend as Dean's wedding. It might actually be Lorelai's responsibility, but fine. Actually, it's probably Rory's responsibility, if she cares so much for Dean and all. I thought she got a subscription to the Stars Hollow Gazette. Surely they ran a story on this. Lane asks if Lindsay saw Rory on the gazebo. "I don't think so," Rory says. "I do a pretty good idiot run when I need to." Lane apologizes, saying she didn't know that Rory was coming home this weekend, and that it totally slipped her mind.
Lane asks Rory to hold on for a second so that she can open the armoire in the room. Inside are Zach and Brian. "Not cool, Lane," Zach says. Brian notes that this is the fourth time today that they've been locked in there. Lane explains that she thought Rory was her mother. Zach says the resemblance is uncanny. "We should get your mom a bell, like a cat," Brian says. Lane says they're having a band meeting because they need to replace their guitarist. Brian whines that he might have gotten a splinter. Zach informs him that a splinter can get into your bloodstream, go to your heart, and kill you. Brian wants to know why Zach would tell him such a thing. "Whatever, dude," Zach says. "This is lame. I'm gonna bail." Lane says that the band has come too far to give up just because of Dave. Zach scolds Lane for saying "The 'D' word." He says that Dave is dead to him. "He just went to college, Zach," Brian sneers. Zach says that he didn't just go to college, he walked out on his art -- his sound. A sound isn't easy to find. He cites The Glenn Miller Story as an example. Zach's Jimmy Stewart impression sounds a lot like Homer. Zach says that Dave took the band's sound to California (nudge, nudge): "You don't come back from California, man! It changes you!" I wish Lane got an episode to be sad about her first real love moving to the other side of the country, and Rory having to deal with her friend's real needs at a time when her own life is going through changes. It'd be really cool to see Rory blow off a test, or stand up to her grandparents because, for once, the girl who has always been there for Rory needed her, to lie, or to drive her to the airport for one last goodbye -- whatever. It'd be great if we didn't waste the great character that Lane is. Lane says that they can't expect Dave not to go to college. "No true rock-and-roller goes to college!" Zach screams. Except Weezer's Rivers Cuomo, who went to Harvard. Before I can finish playing smarty-pants, Rory starts doing it for me. She says that Mick Jagger went to the London School of Economics. Dexter Holland, of the Offspring, has a Ph. D. in Molecular Biology. Well, I wish he'd go cure cancer and stay the hell off my radio, that Weird Al Yankovic-sounding jagoff. Rory goes on about members of Black Flag and Bad Religion until Zach says, "Lane. She's your friend." Rory says that she's leaving and that she'll "call" "Lane" "later." Lane asks Rory if she's mad. Rory promises that she isn't. She says she was a little surprised about Dean's wedding, but that it's okay. She says she'll just be more careful where she goes this weekend. I thought she was the first to give Dean and Lindsay a present. She was the first one to find out about the engagement. Lane tells Rory that she'll see her in the morning, because the band's practicing in Lorelai's garage. So I guess Lane isn't invited to Dean's wedding, either. Zach storms back into the living room ranting to Brian, "Shut up, shut up, shut up. Weezer did not go to Harvard!" Brian: "Well, not the whole band. Just the lead singer." Well, there you go. Zach tells Brian to get away from him. But Zach follows. Rory says goodbye to Lane and walks out.
We follow Rory as she rounds the corner and runs into Dean. She looks like she might run in the opposite direction, but then bites her lip and faces him. They stammer some hellos, some discussion of Lane, and the fact that Rory's home this weekend. CuteDean asks about Yale. Rory says she loves it. Dean loves Connecticut State, too. CuteDean's hair isn't so much floppy, now, as it is waxed. I like it, but then again I just like Dean. I don't care what any of you say. Rory tells Dean that the decorated gazebo looks like Heaven, or a Victoria's Secret commercial, which for some people is the same thing. Dean says he didn't know Rory would be home this weekend, or he would have invited her to the wedding. Couldn't he have invited her anyway, in which case she then would have come home? Rory says it's no big deal. Dean hasn't stopped shuffling from one foot to the other as he says he wasn't intentionally not inviting her; he was just not inviting her. He says he didn't know she'd be home. He didn't want her to think anything. Rory says she doesn't think anything now, because she goes to Yale and they think for her. Dean decides that since she is in town, she should come to the wedding with Lorelai. So Lorelai wasn't invited to the wedding, either? Who does CuteDean know in town, anyway? And what event is sanctioned by the Stars Hollow Official Town Gathering without one of the Gilmores crowned its princess? "Chicken or beef?" Dean asks, and Rory stammers. Dean decides that of course the Gilmores would both want beef, because they are hearty eaters. Dean flubs his line a little as he tells Rory he doesn't think she resembles beef, she just is beef. He says he'll see her at noon at the church: "I'll be the one in the tux." He says he and Lindsay didn't write their own vows and nobody's singing opera, so perhaps Lorelai and Rory won't be compelled to heckle their ceremony. "I know you think that's lame." Rory says, "Oh, no. It's a wedding. It's supposed to be...operatic." ["I think that's what she said instead of 'kind of gay,' which weddings also are." -- Wing Chun] Dean says that Lindsay's expecting him, so he'll see them tomorrow. As he runs off, Rory says, "But..." And that's that. Rory looks around, terrified. I thought she was all for this union. Hey, what's with The WB wanting everyone to be married off before college?