George Harrison, rest in peace. I'm incredibly lucky that every single day of my life was made sweeter by your music.
Lorelai walks into her house with an armful of videotapes. Rory calls that she's in the kitchen. Lorelai tells Rory that she couldn't make up her mind, so she got The Shining and Bringing Up Baby. She finds Rory and Sookie standing in the kitchen, looking guilty. They turn and show the wrapped present on the kitchen table. They've used their deductive reasoning skills to determine that this is a wedding present for Lorelai and Max. Lorelai checks the card and sees that it is for her and Max. "I guess news doesn't always travel fast," she says. Sookie asks if Lorelai is going to open it. Lorelai says she's going to leave it and return it tomorrow. Rory points out that there isn't a return address. Sookie and Rory explain that there might be a return address inside with a card saying who sent the gift, but Lorelai would have to open the present to find out. Lorelai submits and asks for a knife. Sookie rejoices at the gift-opening ceremony. Lorelai opens the gift. It's an ice-cream maker. Sookie approves. Lorelai says that neither "God's law nor Emily Post" would allow her to keep a wedding present when there isn't a wedding. Sookie says she heard on Martha Stewart that a late gift has different rules, and that it's okay to keep the present. She then explains how Martha massages her Chow, until Lorelai shuts her up. Sookie says if the gift arrives after eight weeks, you don't have to return it. Lorelai worries that keeping this ice-cream maker will send the three of them to hell, so she declares that nobody approaches the ice-cream maker until she figures out who to return it to. Lorelai leaves to start up The Shining as Sookie moans to Rory quietly, "I bet Max would let us keep it."
Chilton. These kids have tons of English teachers. Max is one, right? Then the old one was played by this lady that taught my class at Second City this year, and now there's a new one. This is just a Shakespeare class, I guess. An entire semester on Shakespeare? We did that in drama, but I figured it was a part of my BFA. My father has an English degree from Villanova, and they only made him read Merchant of Venice. Anyway, this teacher assigns an act from Romeo and Juliet to different groups that will be combined with her third period class. Each group has a week to nominate a director, cast the scene, and perform the scene with their own interpretation, from Mafiosi to Roman Empire to Sonny & Cher (why Paris laughs at that, I don't understand). Then she tells them that this is fifty percent of their final grade. Wow. Is it the end of the semester? Why do they only get a week for fifty percent of their final grade? I hate Chilton. Louisa, Fraulein, Paris, and Rory are all assigned to the same group. Act V. Paris stands up and says, "Why don't they just sew our sides together and rename us Chang and Eng?" Hee.
Out in the hallway, Henry bum-rushes Rory. He confirms their phone call for tonight at eight. Paris walks between them and apologizes for interrupting. She continues, "But see, we're all standing there trying to map out a game plan and rehearsal schedule? And I'm sure whatever the two of you were talking about over here is so much more fascinating and important and…well, let's just say it, fun. But I'd really like to get an A on this assignment, and in order to do that, I'm afraid you're gonna have to discuss your sock hops and your clam bakes some other time. Okay? Thanks." Henry tells Rory, "That was scary." Rory says it'll be scarier once Paris gets a megaphone in her hands.
Rory walks over to Paris's group. Louisa points out that Philllipppe is back from suspension. So that's what the kids are calling theCreek these days. Rory asks if Philllipppe was suspended. Paris says, "Oh, like you hadn't noticed he'd been gone?" Fraulein says that Philllipppe took apart a teacher's car and put it back together in the school hallway. Man, Rory really doesn't participate in school if she hadn't even heard that. Louisa says that Philllipppe didn't act alone, and that his new best friends Duncan and Bowman were there. Fraulein adds that they paid mechanics to do the actual work. Paris notes that anyone who hangs out with "Butch Cassidy and the Sundunce kid" deserves any punishment he gets. Fraulein says that Philllipppe and his new friends are inseparable this semester. Louisa says that they're practically dressing the same. Was that a joke about the dress code? She didn't deliver it like one.
Lorelai calls one of her aunts, and has to explain who she is, so we know this isn't a close aunt. She checks a name off of her list as she listens to her aunt talk. "Um, yeah, that's right. Wow, you don't hear the word 'wedlock' much anymore." Rory walks in and announces that she's home. Lorelai continues to listen to her aunt on the phone and asks if the Bible mentioned her by name. She explains that she was kidding and that she's pretty sure she didn't send Lorelai the ice-cream maker. She asks for Aunt Clarissa's phone number, but it turns out Aunt Clarissa is a heathen too, so no dice. Lorelai promises to call in the twenty years, and hangs up. Rory sits beside Lorelai on the couch and asks if there was any luck. Lorelai says she's still got the Pennsylvania Gilmores to try. Rory tells Lorelai about Act V with Paris and the Non-Puffs. Lorelai asks what part Rory is playing. Rory says that Paris is still mulling over the screen tests, and that she'll find out tomorrow. Rory had to go through twenty-four takes. Lorelai wishes for a copy to sell on the internet, and walks back into the kitchen as Rory yells that she told Paris that Lorelai would make all of the costumes. I can't believe Rory did that, by the way. Neither can Lorelai, who walks back in, eating a tub of Cool Whip. Rory tells Lorelai she needs a résumé, referrals, and samples of her current work. "And my bare butt to kiss," Lorelai says. Rory: "If you think that will set you apart from the other applicants, yes." Rory comments that she can't believe there's someone in their family named "Bunny." Lorelai tells Rory to cross Bunny off the list as she draws her finger across her throat. "Poor Bunny," Rory moans. The phone rings. It's Henry. Rory puts him on hold and calls Lane. Lorelai says she's headed for class, but there's "pizza slash Luke's money" on the table. Doesn't Lorelai have class on Wednesday afternoons?
Yay, MamaLane's back! MamaLane informs Rory that Lane is studying and can't talk. Lane runs down the stairs and asks if the phone is for her. She says she needed to talk to Rory. MamaLane asks if Lane finished her homework. "You do your math?" Lane: "Yes." MamaLane: "History?" Lane: "Yes." MamaLane: "Biology?" Lane: "No." MamaLane: "Why?" Lane: "Well, I'm not taking biology." MamaLane: "Why?" Lane: "I took it last year." MamaLane: "And that's it? One year and you know all there is to know? Tomorrow we look into private school." I love MamaLane so much. She got a haircut. It's pretty. Lane begs to use the phone, and MamaLane gives it to her with a five-minute timer. Rory says hi and clicks Henry on the line. Rory puts the phone down as Lane talks to Henry, but calls him Rory. It's like a nickname, almost. Lorelai tells Rory that she's really gone this time, and asks Rory to make some of the calls for her. Um, no! It's not your daughter's job to inform people that the wedding has been cancelled. Ew. Rory asks if Lorelai's going too far with this. She tried to find who sent the machine, but she can't. "It's called closure, hon," Lorelai says. "Okay? I need it." Then close the damn book yourself, Lorelai, and don't make your daughter call up people to say that Daddy's not going to be Daddy and there won't be any ice cream made in the house, either. Rory picks up the phone to call Uncle Randolph, and apologizes to Lane and Henry for interrupting them. Lorelai tells Rory not to wait too long, because Uncle Randolph was Bunny's older brother.
We're at the business class for the first time, but it's the break room outside of the business class. Some guy in a brown blazer teases Lorelai for taking the last burrito from the vending machine once again. He asks how she does it every single week. Lorelai brags that her secret is having correct change and not futzing around with dollar bills. They sit at a table together as Business School Guy says he's got a theory about vending machines. He points out that when they were kids, they got their nourishment from their mothers (Lorelai gets appropriately grossed out at this point), and now they get their food from machines. It's just setting them up to be raised by robots and to be comfortable with no human contact whatsoever. He admits that he was watching the Twilight Zone marathon this week. Lorelai says that all of this was just his way of saying he'd like to look at her notes on the reading. He agrees that it is, even if we don't follow the logic that quickly. Business School Guy says he feels bad for copying her notes every week. He should feel bad about that blond scrubby fur stuff he's got around the underside of his face. Look, guys? It's not called a beard if it doesn't round the chin. Neck hair is neck hair, and you can't call it a beard if it doesn't reach your face. BSG asks if he can make it up to Lorelai for ganking her notes by taking her out to dinner some time. Lorelai is shocked that someone is asking her out on a date, and says she doesn't know if she could go out on a date. She stammers that her schedule is crazy for the couple of weeks. This guy is such a bad actor, y'all. He says that he understands, but if she has an opening in the few days to give him a call. Then he hands her his card. Is that because he's Business School Guy? Lorelai thanks him and tells him to enjoy the notes. He tells her to enjoy the burrito. Oh, she will, BSG. Just give her time.
Chilton. "Hey," says Fraulein. "Hey," says Rory. "We're the Monkees," finishes Louisa. Rory asks where Paris is. She's getting some things from her car. Rory introduces herself to the boy at the table. His name is Brad, and he's from the third period class. Louisa isn't too happy that Brad's their only boy in their group, as Brad is not exactly a hunk. Paris storms in with a box of props and announces that they'll be doing their scene in Elizabethan dress. Rory starts to object, and Paris says the point of this scene is to get an "A", not to turn Romeo and Juliet into a Vegas lounge act. Paris asks Brad who he is (his name has all the letters in Bard, don't you know), and he shifts his eyes repeatedly as he explains he's from third period. Paris lays out her directing rules, and I wish I were able to use the same ones when I'm directing real actors. Paris says they're short on boys, so Brad will be Romeo and Louisa will be Friar Tuck. Yay! Philllipppe saunters in at this point and sits down. He explains that he missed the day groups were assigned, so he got to pick which one he's in. This is the only group that doesn't have any of his ex-girlfriends in it. Just all of his potential exes. Paris asks why they're being punished for their good taste. Louisa says they need him. She says he can be Romeo. Rory says that Brad is Romeo. "Put in your other contact, Grandma," Louisa says. "Tristan is Romeo." Fraulein tells Paris that Philllipppe was born to be Romeo. She then goes back to her Jane magazine product placement. Louisa tells Paris that she's letting her personal feelings stand in the way of fifty percent of their final grade. Philllipppe asks if Paris and Louisa are going to start scratching each other, or if this is just a verbal spar. Paris asks Rory for her opinion. Rory asks Brad how he is at speaking in front of an audience. Brad admits that he usually throws up. Paris tells Philllipppe that he can be Romeo. She doesn't even get to properly threaten him before his pager goes off and he's out the door. Do people still carry pagers? Louisa is happy and declares that Brad is Friar Tuck and she's Juliet. Paris tells Louisa, "Juliet's supposed to be chaste." Louisa knows she can't win that argument, so Fraulein sits forward to accept the role. Paris tells her that Juliet has more than three lines to memorize, so Fraulein sits back again. This leaves Rory for the part. Rory tries to protest, but Paris says that Rory is perfect for the part. She's a good public speaker and waif-like. As Paris goes on about locations for the performance, we fade to commercial.
Independence Inn. Sookie brings Michel a plate of low-fat wheat blueberry pancakes. Michel says he can only have twelve blueberries on his pancakes. Sookie won't tell him how many blueberries are on these pancakes, but she's curious to find out what would happen to him if there were more than twelve blueberries. "Would you die?" she asks. She tells Michel he can have the pancakes if he swears not to count the blueberries. She asks him to raise his hand and repeat, "May Destiny's Child break up if I count these blueberries." Michel pauses and orders, "Pick another group." Sookie won't, and Michel pouts out of the room without his pancakes. "I hate you!" he shouts. Lorelai walks in holding the ice-cream maker. She says she's donating it to the inn. Sookie says that Lorelai's donation is very thoughtful, but that they already have an ice-cream maker, one that makes enough ice cream for the entire inn, where Lorelai's ice-cream maker (named Fernando) only makes enough for Lorelai. Lorelai says it's not fair that Fernando is a part of that life Lorelai doesn't have anymore and won't have and he shouldn't be shunned like there's something wrong with him. Sookie promises to keep her change in Fernando. Then Sookie says she's worried about Lorelai. She points out that Lorelai has named the ice-cream maker. Lorelai says she names everything. Sookie: "You didn't name the toaster." Lorelai: "Poppy." Sookie points out that Lorelai just came up with that name just now. Lorelai admits that she did, but that Poppy is a great name for a toaster. It is. Just ask my last car, Club Protégé, and Clippy the Hair Clip. Well, you can't actually, because Club Pro got sold, and Clippy suffered the fate of Curious Boyfriend Who Can't Leave Things Alone. How come everything I name dies? Sookie says that it's been a while since Lorelai broke up with Max, and she should be dating now. Lorelai says she's not hibernating. You can tell by the slit in her skirt. Sookie tells Lorelai to put the "Available" vibe out there. Lorelai brags that a guy from her business class asked her out the other day. He's cute and funny, a bit younger, but they have a good rapport about her stealing his burrito. Sookie giggles and asks when they're going out. Lorelai says she hasn't said yes yet, because if it doesn't work out, class might be weird. Sookie says this guy can be like a pre-transition guy, and every guy doesn't have to be The Guy. Lorelai says she'll call BCG later tonight. Michel tries to take the pancakes again, and Sookie slaps him away.
Lane tells Rory that she's going to be able to attend the Shakespeare performances. I guess this isn't just a class project thing. She says that MamaLane is letting her go. "Trust my mom to turn one of the world's great love stories into a cautionary tale of what happens when children disobey their parents." Lane says she doesn't want to tell her parents about Henry yet, because she's worried it would change their relationship. MamaLane calls Lane, and they get off the phone.
Lorelai walks in and speaks in her Creepy Old Lady voice. She shows off the elaborate headdress that she made for Rory. In what, like, five minutes? Lorelai shouldn't be wasting her talents at the inn. Lorelai runs upstairs because she's late for something. The phone rings; it's Paris. She's on her cell phone, walking through the halls of Chilton. Doesn't that school ever close? And get this -- since there aren't any rehearsal spaces in ALL OF CHILTON, Paris went on the internet and found MissPatty.net, where she reserved the room. Now everyone's going an hour away to rehearse in Stars Hollow. Whatever. Nobody owns MissPatty.net, by the way. Have at it. Lorelai walks down, looking for her purse that looks like Stalin's head. Rory quickly recaps and worries about Philllipppe being in Stars Hollow. She says she has to tell CuteDean now that she and Philllipppe kissed at that party, because if Phillllipppe sees CuteDean he's going to tell him, and then it'll look like she was keeping it from him, which is exactly what she was doing. Lorelai thinks this is great, having Rory tell CuteDean what happened, because now CuteDean will rush the stage during the performance, slaying Philllipppe. Lorelai tells Rory to rehearse what she's going to say to CuteDean with her so she can have a practice run. "Dean," Rory says. "Rory," Lorelai says in this dumb-boy voice, and it cracks my shit up. Rory says that last year, when they were on a break, there was a party where Philllipppe was, and somehow they ended up in a room together and they kissed. Lorelai asks if they kissed on the hand or the cheek. Rory says it wasn't either. Lorelai asked if he kissed her or if she kissed him. "Kind of both," Rory answers. "When during the break-up?" Rory says it was the night after. "You mean the night after I told you I loved you?" Rory says she's a terrible person for doing that. Lorelai reminds Rory that she said it, not CuteDean, and that she did nothing wrong. She says that this will only hurt CuteDean if she tells him. She'll feel less guilty, but it will screw up their relationship. She says that everything will be fine. Lorelai says she has to go, but she wants to ask one more question. She goes back into her CuteDean voice and says, "Do you think my hair looks cool?" "Bye!" Rory says. "Cuz, you know, some days I wake up and I'm like, 'Cool.' Other days I wake up and I'm like, 'Not so cool.' Like today I got up and I was like, 'Left side cool. Right side not so cool.'" Hee!
Miss Patty is going through a cool-down with some hoofing seniors. Paris is upset that it's after eight. Miss Patty says you can't rush a cool-down. Paris says she understands the whole Mystic Pizza thing that this town has going on, but she comes from the big city where time is money and she has a busy schedule to keep. Miss Patty warns Paris to be careful or her face might stick like that. Rory walks up with Louisa and Fraulein. Louisa asks what's up with the cast of Cocoon. Fraulein says that Philllipppe has walked over to the market. Louisa adds, "He needed cigarettes just in case we didn't know that he was bad." Rory excuses herself to go save herself from humiliation. Paris points out to Miss Patty that her students are now asleep.
"Excuse me, stock boy?" Philllipppe has entered the market and has found CuteDean in a very dark corner of the canned goods aisle. They have canned beans near bottled ginger ale for some reason, and that's across from Cheer and Dawn. I guess this market organizes their aisles by pretty packaging. Philllipppe disses CuteDean's apron. He asks CuteDean which flour would make his cakes fluffier. CuteDean asks if he drove all the way out from Hartford to make fun of him. Philllipppe says he's there for Rory. I'd like to take a moment to curse myself for giving these two cute boys long nicknames. Philllipppe tells CuteDean that he's the Romeo to her Juliet. CuteDean tells Philllipppe to leave. Philllipppe drops the flour and breaks the bag. He pulls out his wallet and drops a few bills. "This should cover it," he says. CuteDean tells Philllipppe that, for Rory's sake, he hopes Phillllipppe has an understudy. Rory runs in here a bit too late and breaks up the potential fight. She ushers CuteDean outside.
Outside, Rory apologizes for not telling him earlier. She says that Paris moved the rehearsal here and she didn't have time to tell him. CuteDean asks why she and Philllipppe are thrown together so often. He says he hates it. He really hates it. Rory says that it's just until Sunday, and then she'll be back to "Tristan? Who?" CuteDean softens as Rory apologizes again. CuteDean says she doesn't have anything to be sorry for. Rory says she should have told him about the rehearsal, and she's sorry that No Doubt is touring with U2. They kiss again. Where did CuteDean's good kisses go? What's with all the no-lipped pecking? CuteDean tells Rory he's going to go for a walk, and he needs her to take Philllipppe out of the market while he's gone. "Right away," Rory says. Poor CuteDean. This is the closest they've got to him being like himself this entire season, and I'm already getting tired of him. I'm like a high school girl. I thought CuteDean and I would be together forever, and now I'm totally bored and wondering why I ever hated Philllipppe. He's so cute with the hair and the detention.
Luke's. Lorelai finds Rory eating pizza. Rory asks how her date went. Lorelai says he's never seen Ab Fab and he's outdoorsy. His dream vacation is The River Wild minus Kevin Bacon, whereas her dream vacation is Kevin Bacon minus the river. Is that a shout-out? Kevin Bacon was my imaginary boyfriend when I was ten. I'm sure not even Kyra Sedgwick had Kevin Bacon as an imaginary boyfriend. One day she woke up and went, "I'm married to Kevin Bacon. How did that happen? I'm Mrs. Bacon? I'm so keeping my name. Kyra Bacon? No fucking way, people." Lorelai said she had a nice time on her date, and it was fun getting treated date-like. The best part was that it was no big deal. She'll never date him again, but the burrito bit will live on. "I am now officially a casual dater," she says. Rory celebrates by ordering another round of fries from Luke. Lorelai asks how the rehearsal went. Rory says that Louisa acts like she's the priest in a Madonna video, but other than that they aren't half-bad. She tells Lorelai how Philllipppe confronted CuteDean, but she broke it up before anything bad happened and she told him most of the truth without really telling him all of the truth. She asserts that he's fine, though. Luke brings over the plate of fries and asks if Lorelai wants a burger. Lorelai says she'll just have Rory's. Rory orders another burger. Luke says that Lorelai looks fancy. "Do I?" she flirts. "'Cause I feel very casual." CuteDean walks in and sits down. He says he's about to go home for dinner because his mother cooked chicken. Lorelai says that's nice to have a mom who cooks, but she bets CuteDean doesn't have a casual dater for a mom. Rory says she hopes CuteDean's mom isn't a casual dater, on account of her being married and all. CuteDean says he's off tomorrow night, and he thought he'd come by and watch the rehearsal. Rory says that it'd be really boring watching a rehearsal. They don't even know their lines yet. She tells him to just come on Sunday. CuteDean says he'll come to both nights. He'll sit in the back, watch her die, and then walk her home. He asks if it's a big deal. She says it isn't. He pecks her goodbye and leaves. "Oh, yeah," Lorelai says. "He's fine."
Chilton. Rory asks Philllipppe if she can talk to him for a second. They walk over to his locker. Rory tells him that CuteDean is coming to the rehearsal tonight. Philllipppe asks what will happen if there's a run on baked beans. Rory asks him to not say anything about what happened between them. Philllipppe feigns ignorance, and Rory reminds him that they kissed at Fraulein's party. "That was you?" he jokes. Rory tells him to forget it and walks away. He follows her. She says there's no point in talking to him. Philllipppe says he won't tell CuteDean that they kissed, but that he'll find out anyway. He says when CuteDean sees them kiss onstage, he's going to be able to tell it's not the first time they've kissed. It's hard to hide that kind of passion. Rory says things are going well for her and CuteDean, and she'd hate for something she regrets doing to screw it all up. Philllipppe is obviously hurt by her saying the kiss was a giant mistake that she hates. She follows him back to his locker and asks if he's all right. He says that he'll somehow recover from the great romance between Rory and "the Beav." Rory points out that there's lots of drama in his life these days with the car theft and the suspension and all. She says it doesn't seem like him. Philllipppe says she doesn't know him at all. Rory says he didn't used to get caught so much, and that his new friends aren't as smart as he is. Philllipppe excuses himself from the conversation before they have to hug. As the bell rings, Philllipppe turns around to say, "And ask your boyfriend to remind me when it's coupon day, okay?"
Luke's. Morning? Lorelai tells Rory to eat her burger, so maybe it's not morning, but if it's not the morning, then Rory should be in school, shouldn't she? Or is this some kind of five o'clock dinner? Lorelai says they're going to shop this afternoon to cheer Rory up. She says that today is the day they'll finally spring for the Powerpuff Girl shot glasses. Lorelai would be jealous of my Powerpuff Girl ashtray. That is, if Lorelai or I still smoked. Rory says she promised to help Lane pick out an outfit for the show tomorrow. Okay, so I guess it's Saturday afternoon? Then last night was Friday? Where was dinner?
To distract us from the timeline problems, Lorelai's BCG pokes his gee-golly head in at the back of Luke's. He's wearing a baseball cap over his scruffy hair, and they want us to think that this guy is now about twenty-one. I'm not buying it, mostly because I think Philllipppe is about twenty-one. He's brought his parents with him. BCG is in a South Park t-shirt. He points at Lorelai and tells his parents, "This is the girl I told you about." Lorelai asks what he's doing in Stars Hollow. Check out this stupid response they wrote for him: "Well, you talked so much about the town the other night and especially Luke's place so…my mom's crazy for coffee and I thought I'd bring them up here for breakfast." So, it's breakfast time? Then the burger is…? BCG's mom's all grinning like, "I'm wearing a smock!" Lorelai tells Rory that this is her date from the other night. Paul. We finally get his name. It's Paul. She introduces Paul to Rory. Do you think Paul already knew about Rory? His parents seem so happy to finally meet the teenaged daughter of the woman their twenty-something son is dating. Luke asks if they're ordering. Paul freaks out like Luke is one of the Beatles and announces that this is The Luke. Paul's mom says that they've heard so much about him. "Darn shame about that Rachel," Paul's dad says. What? This is so lame. Does he live with his parents? Did he tell his parents every line from his date? No wonder they want to pass him off to some other maternal woman. They must be sick of his yapping. And why would Lorelai tell Paul about Luke unless she was missing Luke on her date? I'm only mentioning this because in about five minutes Lorelai's going to act like she's never even considered dating Luke. Paul explains that Lorelai told him about people in this town, Luke being one of them. He orders three coffees to go. For breakfast, I guess. Lorelai asks Rory if something is funny. She says she's just a happy person. Paul and the Happy Parents leave to go antiquing. "I've always wanted a little brother," Rory smiles. Lorelai says that he looked way older the other night, and that he's usually scruffy and in a suit. Rory says, "He must have been a very good boy to deserve such a happy day. I bet they let him ride a pony." Lorelai tells Rory to go help Lane. Luke walks back over to the table. Lorelai asks if he has something to say too. He doesn't. She tells him not to hold back on her account. Luke says he wouldn't do that, and then asks the two young boys at the counter to move further down so he feels more comfortable. Lorelai puts her money down and says she's not leaving a tip. Luke says she should have one of those height bars like they have at amusement parks so she knows the cut-off.
Rehearsal at Miss Patty's. Philllipppe takes a sip from the poison vial as he sits over dead Rory. He calls for line on "Thus with a kiss I die." Paris is livid that Philllipppe can't remember his lines. The camera keeps turning as Philllipppe asks if that's the part where he kisses Rory. The camera keeps rotating until we can see CuteDean standing in the doorway, overseeing the shenanigans. Paris says that this is where he kisses Rory and then dies. Philllipppe smiles at CuteDean. Paris asks why he's smiling, and reminds Philllipppe that the performance is tomorrow. Philllipppe says he totally missed that the first forty-seven times she told him that. Then why aren't they in costume? Isn't this their last rehearsal? Paris says she'll replace him with Brad in a second. "Oh, dear God, no!" Brad says. Rory asks if they can just get through this. "Please," Fraulein says. Philllipppe says his line and leans in for the kiss. He stops at the last second, turns to CuteDean, and smiles at him. Then he sits back up without kissing her. Paris asks what his problem is. He says that since this is their last kiss, it reminds him of their first kiss "at the party." Rory sits up and says, "What?" Paris tells her to lie down. Philllipppe tells Rory that she remembers their first kiss. "In Act One at the Capulet's masked party?" He says he was just trying to think of something that would make this kiss as special as that one. Philllipppe says that Rory should cry. Paris says that Rory is dead and can't cry. Philllipppe says the beauty is that nobody would expect her to cry. "I would," CuteDean calls from the doorway. "You know, funny you should say that," Philllipppe says, and Rory asks to take five. Paris tells everyone to take five and cancel all of their plans they had tonight, because they are staying until they get this right. Brad pulls out his cell phone. Louisa brats, "Who could you possibly be calling?" I don't like that Louisa one bit.
Rory asks CuteDean to leave. She says that they'll never get finished on this project with him and Philllipppe challenging each other. This project is fifty percent of her final grade and it's important and she doesn't want to be there all night. CuteDean says he doesn't like the way Philllipppe is messing with her. Rory says she doesn't like it either, but they have to get through this. She asks him to please leave. He does, and Philllipppe smirks. CuteDean pecks Rory's lip and tells her to call him later. Philllipppe and CuteDean share one last challenging look. CuteDean leaves. Philllipppe walks over and says, "Now, I noticed you didn't cry when you kissed him. I'm starting to feel a little insecure." Rory says he makes it impossible for anyone to be nice to him. Philllipppe gets a page and bails. Paris follows him, yelling that she's the director and that he can't leave. "Tristan, come back!" Brad shouts as he follows Paris out the door. Rory pouts into commercial.
Luke's. Sookie is very excited about the Shakespeare. She can't remember any of the lines. Lorelai asks Luke to come with them to Chilton. Luke says he can't go, but suggests that Lorelai bring some baseball cards and pass out her phone number while she's there. Lorelai says the ashes of this joke have already been sprinkled on the ground, and to let it rest. Miss Patty walks up and says, "Lorelai! There you are! You naughty, naughty girl." Lorelai says she didn't meet Paul at his bar mitzvah and since she met Paul in Business School, he has to have some level of maturity. Luke points out that Doogie Howser was only sixteen when he was in med school. "Doogie Howser wasn't real," Lorelai says. "How sad for you," Luke counters. Lorelai says one date and she's the female Jerry Lee Lewis. Sookie says that the town just likes to tease. "Plus he did look really young," she adds. Lorelai asks Sookie how she knows what Paul looked like. "Kirk snapped pictures!" Sookie says. Lorelai walks over to Luke's counter for no real reason and asks what's wrong with him. She stands to Infernal Bootsy. Luke says nothing's wrong. Bootsy says that when he was eighteen, he dated an older lady and she broke his heart. Lorelai says she's sorry for his pain, but she's not dating a younger man. Bootsy says she didn't break up with him; she died. "She was quite old." Thank you, Bootsy. Lorelai asks Luke why he's being mean to her. He says he thinks it's embarrassing, her running around with a kid. Lorelai tries to keep things upbeat, saying she wasn't running around with him and they just had dinner. He tells her to live her life as she pleases and excuses himself back to his work.
Okay, so this thing is now the Chilton Shakespeare Festival, which makes no sense. It's been, like, a week and a half and this is an English class, not a drama class. And a festival is one play done in parts by two different classes with different themes? One play is a festival? They computer generated a banner over the Chilton doors and everything. We start with some caveman interpretation of Romeo and Juliet. It's the "But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?" scene. Sookie, CuteDean, Lane, and Lorelai are sneering as Sookie asks, "Are you sure this is Shakespeare?" Rory walks up in her Juliet outfit, and Sookie tells her she looks like a princess. She asks CuteDean to back her up, and he says she looks beautiful. Well, there's a first. Rory brags that Lorelai made the dress. Lorelai adds that she also made the girl inside the dress. "Hello! Gross!" Rory says. Rory says that Act III is starting up. Lane gets nervous because Henry's in that scene. She asks how she looks. Rory says that Lane should probably hold a phone up to her face so Henry will recognize her. Lane runs off to go watch Henry. Paris grabs Rory's arm and says, "I need you."
Out in a hallway, Paris tells Rory that Philllipppe hasn't shown up. They start in twenty minutes and he's not there. I can't believe she didn't recast him last night. You don't have an actor walk out on dress rehearsal. Paris wouldn't have taken that shit. Paris says she's pretty sure that Harvard won't accept students that fail Shakespeare; she doesn't have the numbers on it or anything, but she's pretty secure. Rory says that Philllipppe might be smoking in one of the bathrooms. They split up to check.
Lane watches Henry play Mercutio in business attire. They fight with their cell phones.
Paris is still going on about having Philllipppe as Romeo and how dumb a decision that was. Philllipppe shows up behind them. Paris says they're on in ten minutes. Philllipppe says he can't be in the show because his dad had him pulled out of school. Paris storms off immediately. Why would Philllipppe's dad have him come here to tell his group that? Philllipppe says that he pissed his dad off by breaking into Bowman's dad's safe. Bowman had a key, and it shouldn't have been a big deal, but they tripped the silent alarm. Rory tells him to apologize and explain that he was going through something. Philllipppe says he was going through Bowman's dad's safe. He's getting shipped to military school in North Carolina. In Fort Head. Philllipppe says that Rory's probably happy he's going to be gone. Philllipppe's dad calls him at this point. Philllipppe says he has to go. He says he'd kiss Rory goodbye, but CuteDean's watching. They both look over at him. Rory looks down. Philllipppe says, "Take care of yourself…Mary." Rory smiles and he leaves. Paris stomps by in a wig and Romeo outfit and tells Rory to get going. Whee!
Louisa's Friar Tuck is fixing her cuticles as Paris is finishing her monologue. You know what's strange about the Chilton Shakespeare Festival? Everyone has to stand and watch the show. And wasn't Paris talking about locations for the piece? Paris drinks the poison vial and chokes. She leans in to kiss Rory, but the drugs are so quick she passes out before her lips reach Rory's. Lorelai and Sookie laugh in the audience, but they cut the line from the teaser where Lorelai says that this play gets funnier every time she sees it.
At the coat check, Sookie says it was all so great and that they should keep doing cultured things like going to museums or playing chess. Lorelai says they can go to Luke's. Sookie: "Even better." Lorelai says she's still pissed off at Luke for being so hot-and-cold to her lately. One minute he's sweet and building her a Chupah and the he's teasing her about her play-date. Sookie says that Lorelai knows Luke has a thing for her. Lorelai blows it off. Sookie says that Luke's had to watch Lorelai go from one guy to another and then get engaged and then break that off and date a young kid and it's like everyone in the world is better than he is. Sookie says it might be crazy and irrational, but it's there.
Luke's. CuteDean asks Rory if she and Paris actually kissed, or if it was a "stage thing." I'm thinking it was a "censorship thing" and they had to cut Paris and Rory's original kiss. Rory says a lady never kisses and tells. Lorelai tells them to grab a table. She walks over to Luke and asks if he's good at dating. He says he doesn't really have it down since he lives with his nephew. Lorelai says she's not good at it either. She doesn't even really like it. She says that with Max, it was the first time she thought she'd found someone that would always be there for her, and then she realized she was wrong. Luke asks why she's telling him this. Lorelai says she doesn't have many people in her life that are in her life forever that will always be there for her. Rory, Sookie, the entire town, and then Luke. Luke says she does have him. You know, after Cardigan Man and Kirk and the entire town. Luke asks Lorelai to tell him about Romeo and Juliet. They flirt until the episode ends.
No episode week. My fingers are killing me. Nine weeks in a row? Be careful what you wish for. For real.