Happy Thanksgiving, y'all. I'm very thankful that I cover a show that doesn't make me want to rip my eyes out every single week. I'm happy that you guys seem to enjoy the recaps almost as much as you enjoy the show itself. I'm thankful that I work with some of the coolest people on the planet, even though I've never met most of them and the other ones live in far away time zones and countries and stuff. I'm thankful that as I write this, I can smell turkey cooking. I'm very thankful for that. Turkey. The house smells like Stars Hollow.
We open at Friday dinner. Lorelai and Rory compliment Emily on the dinner. Marisela, the newest cook in Emily's staff, made it. Emily says that all of Marisela's food represents the charming little country she's from. It's "one of those little ones to Mexico." Rory wishes Richard were there. He's stuck in Akron on business tonight. Lorelai has her own monologue about what the phrase "get out of here" means, while Rory and Emily discuss the fact that Richard's miserable in Akron. Finally, Emily turns to Lorelai and asks whether she'd like a mirror placed in front of her so that she could literally continue her conversation alone. Emily continues to explain the horrible working conditions in Akron by saying that Richard had to eat at a coffee shop last night. Rory says she hates that Richard is unhappy. Emily seizes Rory's sympathy and tells her that there is something she could do that would make Richard happy. Lorelai shouts for Rory to run away and get out before it's too late, but it's already too late and suddenly Rory is going to have to sit for an oil painting that will hang in Richard's study. Lorelai tells Rory that she warned her, but Rory seems interested in doing something that will make Richard happy, since Rory always loves to please her grandparents. Lorelai asks Emily to have the portrait made from a photo of Rory. Emily says that's what they do at malls. Rory says it's fine. Emily tells Lorelai that just because her picture turned out so horribly, it doesn't mean Rory's experience will be so dreadful. Rory asks to what portrait Emily is referring, and Lorelai gloats that the picture was never finished. They had three different artists work on the portrait, and all three quit. "She wouldn't stop scowling," Emily explains. Lorelai clarifies that she was going for "a Billy Idol thing". One Italian man had a nervous breakdown. Emily says she swears she saw him rummaging through their recyclables a year later. Rory says she'll sit if it'll make Richard happy, and Emily says she'll schedule the sitting for the morning. Lorelai offers to teach Rory the "Billy Idol" face, and says how important it is to get the eyes right. Emily interrupts her by smashing something on the tabletop. Lorelai stares as Emily slowly goes back to her drink, and that strange moment takes us to the opening credits.
Luke's diner. Jess walks by and ignores a woman holding out her mug for coffee. At a nearby table, Luke is giving Lorelai business advice on the inn. Luke mentions that Lorelai will get to name the inn, and Lorelai explains that she's bad at naming things, what "naming things" means, and that she and Rory could only come up with "The Crap Shack" for their house. Jess walks over with coffee and Lorelai asks how he's doing. He says he's not bleeding, and Lorelai remarks that it's going to be a good day, then. Jess announces that it's 7:45 and asks whether Luke wants him to go to school. He says that Luke will be violating several child-labor laws if he doesn't release Jess. Jess puts the coffee pot on the table and walks off. Luke tells Jess to stay out of trouble. "Guess that means calling off the chickie run down at the salt flax," it sounds like Jess says. My closed captioning gave up on the sentence after "chickie run." Luke yells at Jess to leave. "Wow," Lorelai says. "So much...love." Luke asks whether Lorelai and Sookie have a place in mind. Lorelai says it's the old "Rachel property." Luke isn't so happy that the place is named after his ex-girlfriend. Lorelai explains that they just call it the Rachel property because Rachel took pictures of it, and the name sort of stuck (even though it has a name -- the Dragonfly); Lorelai offers to change it if it bothers Luke. She tries to think of something, and says "The Crap Shack" is already taken. This is the woman who names toolboxes and hammers and tiny statues and pillows but she's supposedly bad at naming houses and buildings? I'm not buying that at all. Luke tells her she doesn't have to change the name of the place on his account. Lorelai asks whether Luke's dad taught him everything about business. Luke says that his dad didn't even have a checking account until Luke got old enough to get one. His dad bought this place with cash and didn't have a bookkeeper or an accountant or anybody. He did it all on his own. Luke says that when he took over the business, he just dove in on his own and took the risk and accepted his fate. Lorelai says she feels the same way, except she doesn't want to just dive in and she's doing it with Sookie and not alone and she can't fail and she doesn't want to tempt fate. But other than that: same philosophy. Luke says he has to get back to work, and asks whether Lorelai is going to write off this lunch as a business expense. Lorelai says she's not paying for it. Nice. Take the man away from his work, make him make you breakfast and give you business advice and then not pay for his time, his food, or his advice. Luke tells Lorelai she's going to do just fine.
Lorelai and Sookie are still discussing names for the inn as Michel walks up and listens. Sookie offers something "simple" like "The Country Rose." That's such a gross name. It sounds like a strip club. Lorelai offers "The Inn By the Hollow" which sounds like a ghost story to me. Michel offers "The Money Pit." Sookie and Lorelai start booing him, but he continues, offering "The Outhouse," and "The Inn Heading for Bankruptcy." Michel says he's only saying this because he cares about them and informs them that most new businesses go down within two years. Lorelai says that they'll be the most exciting two years of their lives. Michel hands Lorelai some papers that just arrived, but since they don't involve the Independence Inn, it wasn't within his official duties to hand the papers to her, so he's taking an extra-long lunch break. "So genuine," Sookie says. Lorelai reads the papers and announces that they know who owns The Rachel Property. Sookie hopes aloud that it's not Donald Trump. It's Fran, the sweet lady from the bakery, known as The Cupcake Lady. They know that knocking Fran down will be a piece of cake, pun intended. Sookie says they could name the inn "Fran's Old Place" and it'd be like Ruth's Chris Steakhouse, where everyone is trying to figure out who Fran is. When I see Ruth's Chris Steakhouse, I'm always wondering if it is two different people or if "Chris" is some kind of adjective.
Cardigan Man is walking over to his store, and stops when he sees police tape. The market has been taped off; on the sidewalk in front of the entrance to the store, there's a chalk outline of a body. Now, is he just opening the store? Because there's nobody around and I'm assuming all of Stars Hollow would have gathered the second the tape and chalk went up. Cardigan Man frantically looks around.
Sookie rushes into Fran's bakery and apologizes for being late to the meeting. Lorelai says that Sookie's two cakes and a rum ball late. Sookie explains that she was late because she was working. You know, at the job Lorelai pays her to do, unlike this meeting where she's probably not getting paid because it's not at the Inn. Sookie explains that she had to make a different glaze for tonight's dessert because a lot of locals come every week for this particular dessert and she didn't want to give them the same thing again. Lorelai tells Sookie that her attention to detail and perfectionist personality are what make her such a genius -- a "maestro." Fran walks over and Lorelai asks if they may talk to her for a couple of minutes. I don't understand, since Lorelai just said at the Inn that she was going to set up this meeting with Fran, but whatever. Fran sits down and says she can spare a couple of minutes. She complains about her hip and her angina and I'm giggling because anything ending in the sound "gina" makes me laugh. Cragina. Kakigina. West Virginia. (It's close enough.) Lorelai is wearing a very ugly gold tuxedo shirt with ruffles. Fran is wearing an equally ugly purple cowboy blouse. Lorelai reminds Fran that she owns The Dragonfly. Fran says that it was her parents' business. She says it used to be so nice, but it's in such disarray now. Lorelai beams and sounds like she's solved all of Fran's problems as she tells her that they want to buy the property from her and fix it up and make their own inn. Fran says she's surprised. She tells Lorelai that she's going to be so successful, but she's not going to sell the property. She has no siblings or children, and that place is the only family she has. She's the last Westin left, so she plans on owning it "forever." Sookie and Lorelai comment on how long "forever" is. Fran apologizes. This launches the incredibly long "Ask if she'll will it to us without actually mentioning that she's eventually going to die" bit. Lorelai and Sookie try to get her to leave them the inn when she takes her "long vacation," while Fran pretends she has no idea what they're talking about because she's owning the inn "forever." I'll spare you. It's crazy long and doesn't improve with time. Fran doesn't budge, and Lorelai and Sookie pout until Fran offers to bring them some cupcakes.
Hey, it's Lane and Rory walking down the street. Lane tells Rory that some girl at school is trying to be her friend again, even though she gave her the "patented Keith Richards circa 1969 'don't mess with me' vibe." You know, I imagine Daniel Palladino has this little chart with all of the characters' names on it, and he goes, "Lane. Lane. Hmm...Music references. 1970s. Obscure rock." And he's got this list of all the characters he created that other people haven't been using in their scripts, so he just plugs them in all over the place in this episode. You'll see. Lane adds that she threw in the "thousand-yard Asian stare" as well. Lane and Rory stop when they see fire trucks and police cars swarmed around Cardigan Man's store.
The policewoman is asking Cardigan Man to calm down. Bootsy, the newspaper man I had hoped was a one-time thing, is behind Cardigan Man, repeating all of his lines, but with an angry tone. Cardigan Man yells that a crime was committed right in front of his store. The policewoman says that there's no proof of a crime yet, and that nobody has a record of any crime reported. Aren't there only two police officers in all of Stars Hollow? Why would all of these people come out, anyway? They'd know that the two of them didn't go down there and chalk out a dead body. This subplot is so lame, y'all. Cardigan Man asks what he's supposed to do now that he's got a dead body out in front of his store. The policewoman tells him that he's only got a chalk outline in front of his store. Bootsy says that now there are two crimes. Someone killed someone and then stole the body. "It's open and shut!" he says. "Bing, bang, boom!" I hate Bootsy. Why is he here? The policewoman asks Cardigan Man whether Bootsy is his son, and Cardigan Man gets just as outraged as I am.
Lane and Rory walk up to the police tape and find CuteDean. Doesn't anybody have a cell phone in this town? CuteDean says he just walked up to the crowd "and this is what [he] found." Great detective skills, there, Dean. CuteDean says he told Cardigan Man that this all looked fake, but that Cardigan Man didn't believe CuteDean. Rory says that CuteDean has such an honest face, too. CuteDean says that maybe Cardigan Man doesn't love him as much as Rory does. Lane tells them to get a room and walks off. Bye, Lane. Miss you!
The policewoman tells Cardigan Man that this was just "an elaborate prank." Elaborate? It's two pieces of tape and some sidewalk chalk. Cardigan Man asks how someone gets a hold of police tape. "Kids have their ways," the policewoman stereotypes. ["We have a roll of police tape in the house right now. It's not hard." -- Wing Chun] Rory then stares across the street and spies the very guilty Jess standing there laughing, practically holding up an "I did it!" sign; for some reason, Rory is the only person who can see him standing there. Jess also has incredible aural skills if he can hear them talking across the street. Rory ponders what she's going to do about this new boyfriend of hers as we finally fade to commercial.
Rory tells Lorelai that she's not writing what she buys on the back of the Inn's credit-card receipts. Lorelai tells her to just write "cooking spray and sponges." I'll just let that go -- all of the things wrong with that last exchange. Rory asks what's going to happen if they get audited. Lorelai then basically admits that she bought herself a scoop-neck sweater that she's never worn with the Inn's credit card, but that she's going to lie about it. Sookie says she had a dream that everyone was all old and she wore cataract glasses and Lorelai had gone deaf but Fran was still young and beautiful because she's never going to die and leave them the Dragonfly. Rory reminds them that it's not nice to wish nice people were dead. They like Fran. She makes cupcakes. Sookie says they love Fran, too, but they'd like to know "God's little plan" for her. Michel walks in and advises everyone to at least pretend to be busy because the owner of the Inn is here. Rory and Lorelai are very happy that Mia is there. They run out to the lobby.
An extra walks away from Mia so she can hug Rory and Lorelai. I guess we're all supposed to just realize that Mia must have let a very young Lorelai in and raised her and Rory when Emily didn't. We just have to transfer all of this love over here even though we've never heard of Mia before, even when Lorelai was getting married. Mia is like a Sandy Duncan, but with both eyes. Mia tells Rory and Lorelai that they are too thin and too beautiful and that she's missed them. Michel walks up and stands for inspection. Mia says that he's still very attractive and all. Michel says, "Well, I had a feeling that a lovely woman was going to be visiting today, so I decided I was going to look my best for her." Mia takes a great pause here and then says, "I'm sorry, honey, I didn't get a word of that." Rory translates and says that Michel says he missed her. Mia tells Michel that he's been in America a long time now, and that his English should be much better. Michel says the customers seem to understand him just fine. Mia turns with her arms out in apology to Rory and Lorelai and says, "I didn't get that, either." Hee. Lorelai tells Michel to get to the desk and work. Michel says goodbye, but Mia doesn't understand it so Rory interprets and says that Michel said he never liked Mia. Michel gets upset that Rory's lying, and Mia thinks that Michel is yelling at her in French. Mia says she doesn't know where this hostility is coming from, and she asks Michel if they can work it out. Michel says there's nothing to work out, and Rory tells Mia that he told her to get out. Michel yells that he didn't say that, and Mia thinks he's yelling at her in French, and they all scurry off before Michel hurts someone. "I don't know what I did to make him hate me," Mia says as they leave. It's funny. It's insulting. It's over.
Luke is working on a toaster as Mia, Lorelai and Rory pour in. Mia says that the place hasn't changed a bit. As Luke runs over in pure joy to greet Mia, Lorelai explains that she pretty much changed everything about the place last year when she painted it and got Luke to buy all new things for the renovation, but nobody is listening. Mia and Luke share the longest, warmest, strangest embrace. They're practically kissing as they talk to each other and the way this show lights everyone in the dark, it comes off as really creepy. They keep holding each other and talking as she calls him "Lucas" and he asks if she knows anything about toasters. She doesn't, so he tells her to sit down while he gets her some coffee. They all sit. Lorelai asks how Santa Barbara is. Mia says that it's horrible and that the "damn sun shines all the time out there." Rory says they've written songs about that. Mia says that half of her wardrobe is obsolete now. Lorelai starts to ask whether she can have some coat of Mia's she covets, but Mia says no before Lorelai can complete the question. Jess walks over to Luke and tells him he's making the toaster worse. Why did Luke go back to fixing the toaster, anyway? Lorelai tells Mia that the kid is Luke's nephew. Luke says he's "Liz's kid," as if that makes him less of a nephew. He introduces Jess to Mia and tells Jess that Mia owns the Inn. Jess grunts in understanding, and Luke says that means "Nice to meet you" in "Slacker." Are we still calling it "slacker"? I thought we moved on to "punk." Jess realizes he's not needed and leaves. Luke apologizes, and Mia says that she remembers what Luke was like when he was Jess's age. Suddenly this Mia woman has been around all of Luke's life, too? Then why didn't Luke and Lorelai meet when they were younger? Mia tells Rory and Lorelai all about Luke as a boy, how he helped people carry groceries for a quarter a bag, how he used to skateboard, and how he wore a Star Trek shirt every single day for a year. Luke tries to write off the shirt as a gift from his aunt, but Lorelai has already seized on Luke's Trekkie status, and won't ever let it go. Ever. Mia asks whether she said something she shouldn't have. Lorelai says that it's okay, but that she'll have to cancel everything she had scheduled for the three months because she'll still be laughing her ass off.
Cardigan Man storms into the diner and announces that he needs to talk to Luke. He's done a thorough investigation of the prank and has concluded that Jess most likely did it. He's a quick one, that Cardigan Man, I tell ya. Luke, of course, doesn't think that Jess did it. Lorelai explains to Mia that the town is too boring to have a real murder, so they had a fake one. Rory tells Lorelai that she's just one "Beam me up, Scotty" reference away from making a real one happen. Cardigan Man says that three people saw Jess out that night skulking and lurking. Another person saw Jess walking out of an Arts and Crafts store carrying something that appeared to be chalk. Couldn't Cardigan Man go one step further and ask the Arts and Crafts store guy what Jess bought? And how does someone spot chalk in a bag? Cardigan Man asks Luke what he's going to do about all of this. Luke says he's not going to do anything. Cardigan Man says that he speaks for the Stars Hollow Business Association, the Stars Hollow Tourist Board, the Stars Hollow Neighborhood Watch Organization, and the Stars Hollow Citizens for a Clean Stars Hollow Council. Luke: "All of which are you." Luke says that he's going to pretend Cardigan Man never came around. Cardigan Man warns Luke that there are going to be a lot of unhappy people at the S.H.B.A., the S.H.T.B., the S.H.N.W.O. and the S.H.C.C.S.H.C. Luke counters, "F.I.N.E." Cardigan Man grumbles and growls and gives a good double fist-shaking complete with a "Why, I oughta!" and walks away. He stops when he sees Mia. He says hi and she says it's nice to see him. He walks out the door. Mia says she can't get action like this in Santa Barbara. "I miss the small-town theater," she says. Um, have you ever been to Santa Barbara? It's small-town, and I got an eyeful of strange theater while I was there. Mia reminds Lorelai that it's almost been exactly fifteen years since Lorelai showed up with Rory in her arms and asked for a job. Mia says that Lorelai had no experience, recommendations or skills, but that she had a "who cares" look in her eyes, so Mia gave her a job. She says the other maids hated her. Lorelai moans that they were so slow. Rory and Lorelai moan that Mia doesn't come around enough and that they miss her. Mia says she's not needed. The Inn is running very well and is practically Lorelai's inn now. She says she'd be lost without her. Rory and Lorelai get all guilty until we go to commercial.
Sookie's kitchen. Lorelai moans that she can't believe she hadn't told Mia about their plan to buy their own inn yet. She feels terrible, and realizes she should have told Mia a long time ago. Lorelai's cell phone goes off. It's Emily, complaining that Rory won't pose for the picture in an appropriate manner. Didn't Emily say at dinner last Friday that the picture would be done Saturday morning? In any event, Rory is unhappy because Emily wants her to pose with her arm over her head like a ballerina. Lorelai says that Rory shouldn't have to sit in a silly position, and that Emily should pick something simpler. Emily says she originally wanted the swan to sit regally aside Rory's throne. "'Swan'? 'Throne'!" Lorelai says. She says that swans and thrones mean "Siegfried and Roy." Emily doesn't know who those people are, and says that Lorelai would probably have Rory just sitting, reading a book. Lorelai says that Rory sitting with a book is very natural, and the perfect picture for the study. Emily says it might not be a bad idea, and lets Rory lower her arm. The Foley artist hits "Play" on track sixteen: swan croak. Rory jumps; Emily looks off-screen and says she thinks the swan is just hungry. Wah-wahhhh! Swan humor!
Lorelai hangs up and asks Sookie how she's supposed to tell Mia that she's leaving the Inn. Sookie suggests they get Mia drunk. Mia and Michel walk in discussing a problem with a lamp being too short. Michel makes a suggestion, and Mia tells him it's a great idea. She realizes she understood every word he said. They celebrate and leave the kitchen. Lorelai tells Sookie she doesn't want to ruin Mia's celebratory moment. Sookie starts clucking, because Lorelai is a chicken.
Mia, Rory, and Lorelai are walking in the dark to the town meeting. Rory is upset that they are late, because Cardigan Man has threatened them with "severe consequences" for being tardy in the past. They meet up at Luke's; Luke jumps when he sees them. Lorelai makes the lamest joke ever about Luke having his phasers set on stun, and nobody laughs. Lorelai says they should celebrate being early by going into the diner and having some pie. It would make them late, but she wants pie. Luke says he's harassing her (he pronounces it "hah-rahs"). Lorelai says they are merely his groupies. They start cooing that Luke is keen.
The meeting has already started and everyone turns around to stare. Luke asks why the meeting has already started. Cardigan Man admits that the business community had a special issue they wanted to discuss, so they started early. Luke points out that he's in the business community, and he wasn't told about this meeting. Cardigan Man confesses that they didn't invite him because the meeting is about the Jess Situation. Luke says that there isn't a "Jess Situation." Rory and Lorelai take their seats. Cardigan Man tells Luke that if he had dealt with Jess weeks ago when he first started causing trouble, then they wouldn't be in this predicament now. He says he lost business because of the chalk outline. Mrs. Lanahan couldn't get her lettuce for her lunch, so she had to drive to Woodbury to buy her lettuce. He asks Mrs. Lanahan for confirmation, but she's the oldest Stars Hollow resident (you remember her from the traffic light?), so she's asleep. Lorelai pats her on the shoulder and tells her she really shouldn't be driving. Cardigan Man says that Mrs. Lanahan was telling other market shoppers that the Woodbury lettuce was crisper, so he lost business. Luke offers to pay Cardigan Man for five heads of lettuce, but they're upset about everything Jess has done. He's stolen money and lawn gnomes and hooted at dancers in Miss Patty's studio. He stole a hose from Fran's yard and set off the fire alarm at the school. Lorelai shouts that Jess also controls the weather and wrote the screenplay to Glitter. Man, these jokes are flat. He really has caused lots of trouble, and it doesn't seem like Luke's accepting responsibility for Jess's actions. Bootsy stands up and decides to comment. Turns out that Bootsy and Luke are rivals from grade school. They bicker and shout at each other and they both develop Brooklyn accents for some reason. Lorelai shouts another Star Trek joke into the meeting. Cardigan Man says that Stars Hollow was a better place before Jess got there. Luke says he's lived there his entire life, which is longer than most people there. Bootsy says he's five weeks older than Luke, so he's been there five weeks longer. Luke says he's done the best he could. He pays his taxes and is a member of the community. Lorelai says that if there's a problem with Jess -- even though they're not saying there is a problem -- then they should talk to Luke about it before they storm in his diner with pitchforks and torches. Um, they did. Cardigan Man went in there to talk to Luke and Luke told him to fuck off. Luke storms off and says he was going to keep the diner open late so they could eat after the meeting, but now he's not going to. Everyone's upset and Bootsy complains that Luke's turkey burgers are very dry.
Outside, Rory, Mia, and Lorelai leave the meeting together, talking about how upset Luke is. Lorelai says he'll calm down. Rory says she's going to go check on CuteDean because he's been scraping the chalk outline in front of Cardigan Man's store for two days now. Um, the garden hose that Jess stole from Fran's yard? Is that the only garden hose in all of Stars Hollow? Does that arts and crafts store some special kind of chalk that doesn't come up with water or soap and must be scraped away? And why is CuteDean working at this hour? Lorelai says that CuteDean can't work as quickly when Rory is attached to his face, but Rory leaves anyway. Mia tells Lorelai that she's having a great time, and that she's so proud of Lorelai and Rory. Lorelai tells Mia that she and Sookie want to open their own inn. She says she loves the Independence and they love Mia, but they feel like they need to do this. Mia isn't disappointed at all. She says she knew Lorelai wouldn't work for her forever, and that Sookie and Lorelai are very talented. She says she wants to help them in any way she can, and asks what the time frame is. Lorelai says they're just waiting for this perfect location to free up, and then it'll happen, and that she'll tell Mia as soon as she knows. So, basically, they're not moving on the place at all because they're waiting for Fran to die, but they don't know what Fran has in her will about the place. Why would she even tell Mia, when there's no real inn in their future? Mia asks Lorelai to bump things up and move faster on their own inn because now she can sell the Independence Inn. She says she gets offers all the time, but that she always turns them down because she didn't want to abandon Lorelai and Sookie and everyone, but now she doesn't have to worry about them anymore. Lorelai is upset, since she's going to lose the Inn, and she doesn't really have another inn yet; now Mia won't be her competition, but some big chain will be. She doesn't say any of that, though. Mia's very happy she finally gets mad cash and the Inn is off her back. Mia and Lorelai walk past the Official Town Troubadour as Daniel Palladino checks another "Character I Created Cameo" off his list.
Independence Inn. Sookie bounces over to Lorelai so that Lorelai can check out the menu she's making for some wedding at the Inn. Lorelai is making place cards for the tables, I guess for the wedding. Sookie's menu is mostly in chicken scratch because she changed her mind as she was driving to work and now she can't read some of the things she wrote down. Lorelai is unhappy and doesn't want to be bothered with Sookie's scribbles and giggles. Lorelai tells Sookie that Mia took the news "classy." Sookie asks why Lorelai's upset. Lorelai tells Sookie that Mia's going to sell the Inn. Sookie's happy that everybody is going to win. Lorelai says that the Independence Inn will be sold to a chain, and all of the charm will be gone from the place. Sookie says their place will be better. Lorelai is all, "You don't care what happens to this place?" Sookie says she cares, but that she can't control what happens to the Independence; the only thing they can focus on is their own place. Lorelai says it's a little short-sighted to write off the Independence when they don't even know if they have Fran's place, or any other inn. Lorelai points out that they haven't looked at any other places, and that they aren't being practical. Sookie follows Lorelai into the dining room as she says that Fran's place is perfect. But they don't even have it! In fact, they were told they were never going to have it! I don't understand! Lorelai tells Sookie that she can't get too emotionally attached to a place because this is business. Sookie says they aren't detached and that there aren't any other locations. Lorelai says she doesn't have time to look for another place. Sookie asks whether they can buy the Independence. Lorelai says the Independence is five times what they can afford. She says that their inn dreams are now on hold. With the economy the way it is right now, she doesn't know if the time is right. Sookie says, "Okay, that's not fair, because I don't know anything about the economy." Well, I do, Sookie, and I'd advise you to keep your job. Nobody's staying at hotels these days because nobody's flying or travelling. I know. Both my parents are in the hotel business. Stay at the Independence where there's job security. And then get me a job. Sookie does a long monologue about rolling balls and jumping off or on them. It's long and unfunny. Lorelai then rips Sookie a new one, calling her irresponsible and flaky. She's always late to meetings and changing menus at the last minute and their budget at the new inn won't allow for that kind of thing because they won't have any money. Sookie can't believe that Lorelai is yelling at her about all of this. She says she doesn't want to start crying in front of Lorelai because Lorelai will have another thing to hold over her head and use as a basis to call her weak, so she's going to leave. Sookie says she'll see Lorelai tomorrow if she can remember to show up. Sookie storms off and Lorelai pouts.
What day is it? Rory and CuteDean are walking through Stars Hollow. CuteDean says he needs to stop by the market and pick up his paycheck because if he's not there by 4 PM, Cardigan Man locks his check in a safe with a timer and gives him a lecture about banks and stuff. CuteDean leaves and says he'll be back in a minute. Rory stands outside alone for .03 seconds before Jess walks up to warn her that this is a dangerous corner. Rory awkwardly pretends she doesn't care. Hide your books, Rory! Jess asks what her problem is with him. Rory says that poor Luke is having the entire town hate him because of what Jess is doing. She looks down at the chalk outline that's still there. Does CuteDean have no upper-body strength, or what? Rory tells Jess that the entire town knows that he did it. Jess complains that town meetings are so To Kill a Mockingbird. Rory tells him what happened, and that Luke's a pariah in the town because of Jess. Rory bitches that he doesn't care, and tells him to leave because she's tired of talking to him. She gets her "second wind" and starts yelling at him for using Luke and abusing him. She says she knows that the kind of crap you have to do "when you're trying to be Holden Caulfield," but that it's stupid and annoying and she doesn't like Luke to be attacked. Jess says he didn't know the town was coming down so hard on Luke. "Funny, I never pegged you as clueless," Rory says. "My mistake." Jess says he understands. He waits a few seconds and asks whether Rory at least thought the chalk outline was funny. She did, of course, because we're supposed to believe she'd like this guy. I miss Philllipppe. CuteDean walks out at this point, and Rory introduces them. Jess asks whether CuteDean is Rory's boyfriend, and says that Rory never mentioned she had one. Nice. Rory tells Jess she'll see him around, and he says that it always seems to turn out that way. With much suspicion, CuteDean watches Jess walk off.
I guess it's Friday night again, since Rory and Lorelai are walking up to Emily's house. Rory wonders whether Richard's still in Akron. Lorelai says that, for Akron's sake, she hopes Richard has moved on to Boise. The door opens, and Lorelai quickly announces to the new maid that they are the daughter and the granddaughter. They walk in the house, and Rory comments that Lorelai is very crabby. Lorelai says she has a headache. Emily is very happy to see both of them and ushers them into the study to see Rory's portrait. It's creepy, and doesn't look like Rory. She's looking up like God is talking to her all Agnes of God-style. Rory says it's "freaky." Rory says she just has to forget that it's supposed to be her, because she can't accurately judge a portrait of herself; Lorelai quickly says that the painting is nice. Emily wants Lorelai to be more complimentary, and Lorelai snaps that she didn't know she was supposed to do a cheer and gymnastics and throw a party about how great the fucking painting is. Emily storms out of the room.
Lorelai follows her, telling her not to walk away when Lorelai's being a giant jerk to her. She adds the painting is really nice and she loves that Rory's reading in the painting, concluding that Richard will love it. "You can be so harsh sometimes," Emily says, "and I just don't know where that comes from or what I've done to deserve it." Lorelai says she's just had a bad week. She explains what happened in the fight with Sookie and how Mia's talking about selling the Inn. She says that the Inn was her home with Rory for so long, and that it's hard to think that the Inn wouldn't be there. She repeats that the painting is great, and asks whether Emily accepts her apology. Emily says she does, and then walks back to see Rory.
Back at Lorelai's, Luke has finished doing something with Bert the toolbox. Lorelai thanks him, and says that she didn't want the rain to ruin the Chupah. Luke asks about the broken goat figurine. Its name is Gilbert, and his head has fallen off. Luke breaks out the wood glue and sits down to paste the head back on the body. Lorelai makes some tea. Luke mentions that Sookie was at the diner this morning and wouldn't talk about the inn. Lorelai explains the fight again. She says she panicked about everything because she was scared. She asks whether she can cry in front of Luke. He asks her to suck it up. Lorelai admits that she has no confidence in herself. Luke says she's good at what she does. Lorelai says she's good at doing things she has to do, like getting a house for her and Rory, getting herself a job, and getting Rory into Chilton. She doesn't have to leave the Independence and open her own inn. Luke tells her that she doesn't have to leave the Independence. Lorelai says she does have to, because Mia is selling the Inn, and it's her home. It's where Rory took her first steps and where she took her own first steps. Luke says she's scared, like everyone else is when they start something new and scary. He says he puked and passed out when he opened the restaurant. He tells her she has to just stick with it and wait for it to get fun. He says it might take a year to become fun. She says she wants to do it. He says she should. Wait, isn't Mia only selling the Inn because Lorelai said she was leaving? Couldn't she stay at the Independence if she wanted to? I mean, it's not like Mia's hurting for cash or anything. Luke has fixed Gilbert and goes to put him back on the lawn.
Sookie's kitchen. Lorelai walks in and apologizes for her behavior. Sookie says it's okay, but Lorelai says it isn't. She tells Sookie that she's a brilliant chef, and that she shouldn't be told to do things differently. Brilliant trombone players and brilliant cymbal players aren't told to stop playing their instruments the way they do, so she shouldn't have to change how she cooks. Sookie stops to ask whether there are really brilliant cymbal players. "Theoretically," Lorelai responds. She tells Sookie to pretend she didn't freak out and asks if they can just move on. Sookie makes Lorelai promise not to freak out on her again. Lorelai promises to not lose confidence again. They giggle and make up immediately. Poor Sookie, always taking the abuse.
Out in the lobby, Mia asks Emily if she can help her. Emily introduces herself. Mia admits that she has wanted to meet Emily for quite some time. Emily isn't as warm meeting Mia. Mia wants Emily to have lunch with her, but Emily declines. She says the hotel is very nice. It's not a home, but a nice hotel. Mia says that home is where your family is. Emily notes that it's certainly where her family was for a number of years. Mia says that tea might make things less awkward because there are things to hold and stir. Emily comments that she doesn't know why she came there. Mia says she was hoping that they'd meet someday. She says that when Lorelai showed up at her doorstep fifteen years ago, holding a small child, she wondered what she'd want to happen if her daughter had shown up on a doorstep cold and hungry without a home; she realized she'd want her daughter to be someplace safe, where someone would look after her and take care of her. Emily says that she would want someone to send her daughter back home. Emily starts to leave, but asks if Mia will keep this secret from Lorelai. She then asks if Mia has some pictures from those years. Mia says she'll send a box over the day. Emily thanks her, and leaves.
Lorelai and Rory are eating their breakfast at Luke's. Lorelai says she's so happy to have the Sookie Situation fixed. Rory comments that it's awful fighting with friends. They have enough enemies. They start listing off people they hate until Rory pretends that Lorelai spat in her eye and they fake-bicker until Rory demands her toast from Luke. Luke says it'll take a little while since the big toaster is broken. He says the word "dinky." Hee. Jess walks over and proves that the big toaster now works. Luke asks whether he fixed it. Jess plays the innocent, saying that the toaster may have gotten better. Luke says that toasters don't just get better on their own. Jess leaves for school...but not before giving a knowing look to Rory, who gets all schmoopy over him as the episode ends.
week Ryan Philllipppe is back! And they're gonna do Romeo and Juliet at Chilton. Huzzah!