Previously on Gilmore Girls: Rory met CuteDean. Lorelai met Mustang Max. CuteDean kissed Rory while she held a box of cornstarch. Max asked Lorelai out on a date. He then tried to get laid on the first date. CuteDean told Rory that he loved her, so they broke up. Max asked for a break. Luke's Rachel showed up. Luke didn't know if he wanted her to stay. Lorelai told Rory that she has to be able to say the words "I love you." Lorelai told Max that she missed him. Well, that's out of order, but that's how it was edited this time.
Okay. So for some reason this episode was written by Daniel Palladino and was directed by Amy Sherman-Palladino. I much prefer it to be the other way around. It seems like Daniel's trying to capture Amy's style and it's coming off more as desperate. Amy is directing in a crazy-hokey manner. You'll see when we get there. Let's go.
Morning. Quiet. Fade down to Lorelai asleep in bed. Suddenly, there is loud banging and Lorelai is jolted awake. "Good God almighty and Mr. Mirkle!" Lorelai shouts. I have no idea what that means. I rewound five times and finally used the closed captioning for it. Yahoo! is at an equal loss.
Lorelai walks into Rory's room and finds her asleep. She wakes Rory up and says that she can't believe Rory can sleep though all of this. "The frickin' Blue Man Group is outside our front door!" she shouts. And that I not only get, but think is pretty damn funny. Rory says that she was asleep and that it was "[her] insane Margot Kidder mother" who woke her up. Do you see what I mean about Daniel's writing? Amy would have picked the best of the three. Maybe she'd have two. But there would at least have been some normal lines in between.
Lorelai walks out on the porch and finds Luke hammering the railing. She asks what he's doing. He says he's fixing the porch rail. She laughs and then shouts that it's 6:30 in the morning; then she wails and asks why he's fixing it. Luke says he noticed it the last time he was over, and that it could hurt someone if it stays broken. Lorelai says she likes it the way it is. She's screaming, and Luke tells her that she's going to wake the neighbors. Lorelai asks whether he could also pound his head while he's out there. Still screeching, she then asks him to pound a "For Sale" sign out on the lawn. She walks and screeches that he has to pound those two things in that order or he'll be "too dizzy to do the sign thing." She's then locked out of the house. She calls for Rory. Luke tries to help, but Lorelai is ignoring him. Lorelai keeps yelling and pounding until Sally Struthers warbles out of her front door to tell Lorelai she's going to wake the entire neighborhood. Rory walks out and says she's "officially annoyed." Lorelai says that it's not her fault, it's Luke's. She turns to point the Finger of Blame, but Luke is gone. Rory pulls Lorelai back into the house as Lorelai tries to maintain that she's not crazy and that Luke was here banging on the porch. Fade to opening credits.
Dear Evolution: Any movie where a character crosses his eyes and screams in shock is a movie I'll avoid at all costs. Oh, and kill the ska music in the trailer. It is the year 2001. Just a reminder. And give us back our Julianne Moore. You're hurting her. Love, Pamie.
Independence Inn. The front desk phone is ringing. Michel is leaning on the desk with his head in his hands. Lorelai walks by and asks him to answer the phone. "I cannot," he mopes. Lorelai walks back to the desk and says that they've already discussed that one of his duties in answering the phone. He says that he wants to answer the phone, but that today he can't because today he is suffering from ennui: "Severe ennui." He asks whether she knows what ennui is. Lorelai then gives the Webster's definition as "a lazy, soon-to- be-out- of-work concierge who won't answer the phone." Michel says that everyone who calls the inn is "a notch above brain-dead." He says that although he usually gets paid the minimum amount of money required for him to face these people without physical violence, today he's got too much ennui to do it. Lorelai says that he's sleepy. Michel says that he's suffering from a metaphysical angst. "So, you wanna go beddy-bye?" Lorelai teases. Michel says that teasing makes it worse. Lorelai says that he needs some coffee, and pushes him into the kitchen.
Predictably, in the kitchen, Sookie sits with her head in her hands. She's caught Michel's ennui. Lorelai says that Sookie has the tendency to think she's caught whatever diseases her friends get. Sookie says that's not true. Lorelai reminds her that she had to convince Sookie the other day that Sookie does not, in fact, have a prostate. Lorelai gives Michel a cup of coffee. Lorelai's cell phone rings. Lorelai has one of those almost annoying rings with the running of the scales. It's Max. He asks if it's a bad time. Lorelai says that it is for the hotel industry, but not for him. Max says that he just wanted to say hi and to thank her for last night. Lorelai agrees that it was a good night. He says that there will be books written about it. Hey, that guy stole my line. Lorelai says that they should do it again, and that time, she'll be the Gypsy Queen. Max says that the more he sees her, the more he wants to see her. She agrees. He says it's a vicious circle. She says it's an achy feeling. He says he's having withdrawal pains. She says it's awful. He says it's wonderful, and then that he has to go. "No, don't!" Lorelai whines. "Okay," Max says. Beat. Lorelai: "I gotta go." Max: "No, don't!" From three different areas in my apartment, me, my roommate and Stee all make the same noise at the same time. It sounds like a combination of a sigh and the words "so gay!" Max says this is an example of their vicious circle. Lorelai says that they should go. Max agrees that they should. They then do the "you hang up!" "no, you hang up!" argument until my throat swells. ["Yeah, that was gross, especially for this show." -- Wing Chun] As Lorelai hangs up, Sookie jumps in behind her and says, "You look happy." Lorelai wasn't even looking at her. She wasn't even facing her. Sookie's supposed to be in a sad stupor. Oh, forget it. Lorelai asks for the opposite of ennui. The closed captioning totally blows the joke here by spelling it "on-wee." Sookie thinks for a second, offers "off-wee?" and then bursts into giggles. She announces that she's cured. Hee. Me too. Such a lame joke. Still made me giggle. That's totally because of Melissa McCarthy, though.
Back at the Gilmore home, Lorelai is describing her dream to Rory. She dreamed that the house was a Kentucky Fried Chicken store. Lorelai says that she had to get dressed, but that the guy manning the giant oil vat wouldn't let her through to the back to get her clothes. Rory interrupts here to say that the words "oil vat" reminded her of a dream she had the night before about swimming in a pool of oil or honey. Rory is dunking cookies into a bottle of milk. They drink milk in bottles at Stars Hollow. Anyway, Lorelai says that Rory "totally did that thing." They then go into a bit about how people start telling a dream and that reminds the listener about another dream and then the listener starts talking about his or her dream and you never get back to the original dream. I'd like to point out that Daniel is doing it again. This has gone on longer than Amy would have had it. Lorelai goes back to her dream and says that the oil-vat guy was someone that used to live in town. Lorelai asks his name. Rory doesn't know it, but starts ganking jokes from my website coming up with names for him. Rory asks if he was Peter Stringbean. Lorelai says he was short and fat. Rory calls him Johnny McShort-and-Fat. That's the thing I say! Well, me and everyone. But I swear I was saying it first.
Lorelai walks out to the porch and asks Luke whether he remembers the man. Luke is on the roof, fixing a shingle. He asks if it was "that Stretch Cunningham guy." It's not. Lorelai says it's the "Dick Tracy guy." They go on and on about the name while we watch Rory dig through the hall closet. She finds the CuteDean box. Lorelai remembers that the guy's name was Jim Dunning, and runs in to tell Rory. Rory just stands there, holding the box. She doesn't so much look upset, but rather that she's just quietly busting Lorelai. Lorelai instantly goes into an explanation, saying she knows she was supposed to throw the box away, but that one day Rory's going to want to have that box when she's all grown up and she wants to go through the old boyfriends and their boxes. ["Which is exactly what Pamie said when Lorelai put the box away in the first place, by the way." -- Wing Chun] She says that she put it to the Max box so that they could keep each other company and can commiserate about how they each had a Gilmore girl and lost a Gilmore girl. She apologizes. Rory leans in and gives her a kiss. She thanks her and takes the box to her room.
Rory sits on her bed and starts pulling things out of the CuteDean box. There's the pretty dress. The chicken. The box of cornstarch. Rory finds the bracelet CuteDean made for her and holds it.
Lane and Rory walk down the street in Stars Hollow. They are eating fries and drinking Cokes. Lane is saying that she wanted to tell some girl off, but that she didn't, and that the girl then told her that she had great cheerleading potential, which just pissed Lane off even more. She says she should have gone "full Matrix" on her. She asks whether Rory's listening to her. Rory admits that she's not. Lane pouts and says that she's a great conversationalist. Rory announces that she's going into the market. Lane says that Rory can't, because CuteDean is in there. Rory says that she knows, and that she's going in. Lane starts to bounce and scream and celebrate Rory's getting back together with CuteDean. Rory admits that she doesn't know what she's doing, and that she doesn't even know what CuteDean is thinking or wants, but that if Lane keeps bouncing and shrieking like that, she's going to videotape it and submit it as Lane's cheerleading audition. Lane says that she encourages this, adding that she loves Rory, but that Rory's been "mopey, dopey, and about twelve other melancholy dwarves." Rory says that she wants to be the old Rory again, too. She says that the old Rory is staging a comeback. Lane says she hopes it's more successful than Peter Frampton's. Rory asks Lane to wish her luck, and goes into the store.
Inside the store, Rory motions for Lane to stop staring at her through the window. She slowly wanders through the aisles, searching for CuteDean until she runs into Cardigan Man. He asks her what she's doing wandering around like a shoplifter. Rory says that she's not shoplifting. Cardigan Man says that she's exhibiting four of the eight signs of shoplifting. She's wandering aimlessly, alone, looking nervous, and wearing a big coat. Rory says that she tends to run cold. Cardigan Man asks why she's there. Rory says that she's looking for his checkout boy; she has a question and didn't want to bother Cardigan Man. He calls over the checkout boy. It's not CuteDean. Rory stares at this NonCuteNonDean for a bit and then stumbles out a question about whether likes being a checkout boy. He admits that he doesn't. She says she'll cross it off her list. By the way, that scene was brought to you by Iams.
Rory storms out of the market and tells Lane that she doesn't know what she was thinking. She says that CuteDean must be taking Thursday afternoons off now, and that he's got himself a "Thursday Afternoon Girl" -- the kind of slutty girl who makes you change your schedule and get Thursday afternoons off so that you and she can do slutty things on Thursday afternoons. Oh, I know those girls so well. Their parents always work on those afternoons and they lull your sweet, innocent boys over there and show them all sorts of things that can happen when you own a hot tub or a pool or a big shower and he's got all sorts of stories and blushes when you mention her and his grades slip and he suddenly can't be in the school play with you anymore and he totally doesn't care because he's getting laid by Thursday Afternoon Girl and I know that this isn't about me but it's my recap so you have to read about my pain. I hate the Thursday Afternoon Girl. Sing it, Rory. She says that she shouldn't have gone in, and that now Cardigan Man thinks she was casing the place: "Like I'd ever shoplift there." Lane points out that Rory has, in fact, shoplifted there. Rory stops Lane and asks her to be completely honest with her: has Lane ever seen CuteDean with another girl? Lane says that she hasn't. She promises on the soul of Nico. Rory asks whether Lane would tell her if she did. Lane admits that she wouldn't because she wouldn't want to hurt Rory, but insists that she really hasn't seen CuteDean with another girl. This seems to make Rory feel better, so Lane continues by saying that CuteDean has been miserable and suicidal. Rory says that he should be. Lane adds that CuteDean is "in desperate need of haircut." Rory thanks her. Rory and Lane walk by Grant Lee Hooker, doing his troubadour thing. He's sitting on some stairs, playing the guitar, saying something about not thinking for too long. Fade to commercial.
"Or, perhaps angels have no names." What I like about the trailer for A Knight's Tale is that they let me know in the first three seconds that I will hate and despise every minute of the film. I wish they'd stop trying to appeal to me by playing Garbage in the background. I don't ruin the crap they love by putting it near my good writing.
Chilton. The bell rings, and the hallway fills with girls in uniform. Wait, I had this dream before. Philllipppe finds Rory at her locker and tells her that she should decorate it. She says that she has. He says that she should maybe decorate it with things "other than a bunch of dead, black-and-white women." Rory compliments his naked picture of the Siamese twins. He holds up two tickets to PJ Harvey. She says that he has good taste in music. "You're into PJ Harvey, right?" he asks. Rory asks how he knew that. "Well, I'm all-knowing," he explains. "How godlike," Rory responds. Philllipppe says that one of the tickets is for her. Rory says that she doesn't think they should go to a concert together because that would seem like a date. Philllipppe says that's because it would be a date. Rory says that she can't date him. Philllipppe says he gives her permission. "And on that humble note," Rory says, and walks off. She walks into Louisa, Fraulein, and Paris. Fraulein asks to borrow her biology notes. Rory says that she can, but that she doesn't have them on her; she'll bring them tomorrow. Fraulein thanks her three times. Paris says she's allowed to thank her one more time. Fraulein does. Not really quirky here -- more tedious than anything. Rory walks away as Fraulein tells the other two girls that she's decided she's now completely into Judy Garland after having watched the TV movie on her. Louisa says she thinks they used her mother's medicine cabinet in that movie. Fraulein says that Judy Garland was the Courtney Love of her day. "Show me a trend and I'll show you Madeline," says Paris. Fraulein asks whether Judy Garland is trendy. Louisa says that Judy is "neo-addict retro chic." Philllipppe is now leaning against Paris's locker. She says hello to him as she opens the door. Fraulein asks what Philllipppe is holding. He says that they're tickets to PJ Harvey and that he's going to the concert with Rory. This does not make Paris happy at all. "Rory's going out with you?" Louisa asks with disbelief. "Yes, she is," Philllipppe lies and walks off. Fraulein says that she didn't think Rory liked him. "Neither did I," Louisa says. Paris slams her locker and storms off. "Do you think she's mad?" Louisa smiles, taking full glee in someone else's pain. Have I mentioned my hatred for that blonde tease Louisa before? Because I hate her. I hate her and I hate her ass face. From off-camera, Paris barks at them, wanting to know whether they are waiting for a tram, and tells them to get moving. "Oh yeah, she's mad," Fraulein says through her teeth.
Thirty-second bit of Miss Patty talking her young ballet class through Swan Lake. Lorelai walks by and says hello. Rachel walks up to Lorelai and asks whether she's seen Luke. Lorelai says that he's probably at the diner. Rachel says that he isn't. I don't know why Lorelai would be all, "He's probably at work, where he lives, with you," and be shocked that Rachel's like, "No, I just came from there. Where I work and live. With Luke." It's a strange awkward exchange, there. Rachel says that they were supposed to meet for lunch, but that Luke didn't show. Again. Lorelai makes a series of painful interjections while Rachel talks. Rachel says that Luke usually takes a break between lunch and dinner to come upstairs and see her, but that recently he's just been at Lorelai's house. Lorelai says that he's just fixing some things. Rachel says that he's been telling her. She asks Lorelai to tell him she's looking for him if she sees him. Lorelai says that she will. They awkwardly take off in different directions. Lorelai takes a glance at Troubadour Grant Lee Buffalo Stance and walks away. He's singing and then stops when he hears whistling. Across the street there's a Hippie Troubadour. ["He's played by Dave 'Gruber' Allen, who played Mr. Rosso on Freaks & Geeks." -- Wing Chun] He's playing the guitar and whistling. Grant Lee Whyfallo pouts and watches. Suddenly some girl runs by in jeans and a tutu, running to catch up with the Blind Melon video. There's whistling, strumming, and strange things on my screen, here. I'm moving on because I'm scared.
Lorelai walks into her house and hears a noise from upstairs. She calls out and then grabs an umbrella. She's about to attack, but of course it's Luke. He explains that he came over to fix the back-door lock. He had noticed that it was the kind of lock that's easily busted, and he wanted to replace it. He proved that it was the kind of lock that's easily busted by busting it to get into the house to replace it. Lorelai is not amused, and basically calls him a crazy person for breaking into her house and breaking her lock. She sits him down at the kitchen table and wants to know why he's avoiding Rachel. He says he's not hiding from her. Lorelai says that she didn't say he was. Luke gets all defensive, and they bicker back and forth for a while about whether or not he's hiding from Rachel. Luke admits that he's avoiding her. He says that it's weird having her at his place all the time. He's used to being alone and he's not used to having to be accounted for. He's used to putting the milk somewhere and finding it in the same spot later. Lorelai says that most people want this kind of relationship. Luke calls himself a loner. Lorelai says that she doesn't want to hear about the romance of being a loner. He says that some guys just like being alone. Lorelai says that they are sad guys. Lonely guys. "Lee Harvey Oswald," Lorelai offers. "John Muir," Luke retorts. "The Unabomber," Lorelai says. "Henry David Thoreau," Luke says. Lorelai concludes that all of those men were sad and lonely. Luke says that living with Rachel isn't what he thought it'd be like; it's not the fantasy he'd expected. Lorelai says that maybe he has to lower his expectations just a bit. Luke asks whether she means he has to settle for whatever comes along. "Wow. You think having Rachel is settling?" Lorelai asks. Luke says he doesn't mean that, and that Rachel's great. Lorelai says that Rachel's great, and that if her worst trait is that she's a milk whore, he's got it pretty good. She says that he needs to give the situation a fair chance. Luke says that he knows. Lorelai says that he can't work on the house anymore. Luke thanks her.
Rory stands in front of CuteDean's house. After a moment, she knocks on the door and a young girl answers. Rory talks to her like she's six, but the girl is probably about ten. "How are you today?" Rory asks. The girl says she's fine. She asks whether Rory's here to see CuteDean, her brother. Rory says she isn't, and explains that she's a Girl Scout. The young girl says that she's a Brownie right now. ["If that's true, she's eight at the most. Brownies are just little." -- Wing Chun] She asks why Rory's not in uniform. Rory says that they aren't wearing uniforms anymore because they want to blend in with the average person. The young girl says that Rory looks familiar and then remembers that Rory is the girl from the pictures in CuteDean's room. She says that there's a funny one of Rory sticking out her tongue that CuteDean had. Rory asks if the girl meant "has," or "had." The girl is tripped up and says she doesn't understand. Rory tries to be sweet and asks the young girl her name. It's Clara. She asks Clara if she meant "has" or "had." Clara says she doesn't know. Rory asks Clara to go up to CuteDean's room and see if the pictures are still there. Clara says that CuteDean doesn't like her to go into in his room. Rory tells her to sneak in. Clara starts to cry. It's a really bad cry. Clara must know someone. Rory apologizes as Clara touches her face. Rory says that she's a nice person and a Girl Scout. From inside the house, CuteDean asks Clara what's wrong. I don't know how he can hear her silent tears. Rory hauls ass down the street. CuteDean walks out, and Clara tells him that the Girl Scout scared her. She points at Rory. CuteDean watches Rory running away. CuteDean CuteSighs. Commercial.
Rory, Max, and Lorelai walk down the street in Stars Hollow at night. Shouldn't someone be at Friday-night dinner by now? Max looks through the grocery bags and says that they have food, drink, reading material, and chocolate-covered espresso beans. He asks whether that's everything. Rory says she thinks it is. "You're such a good provider," Lorelai coos. Max says he's heard so much about these town meetings, he wanted to see one first-hand. Rory says that last time, a crazy lady threw french fries at people. Max asks Lorelai whether the fries were cold. Lorelai says that she was just full. Max hands the girls two Ring Pops. He explains that the diamonds are actually candy that can be eaten. He's also bought candy that's not in a wrapper, and he should know better than that. Lorelai says that they are not eight. Behind his back they switch pops so Rory can have red and Lorelai can have grape.
Inside the meeting, Cardigan Man is yelling for peace and order. He calls a vote, and asks for a show of hands for who's in favor. No hands. Lorelai walks in and complains that it's already started. Cardigan Man asks for a show of hands for all of those opposed. Everyone puts up their hands. Lorelai raises her hand. Cardigan Man says that Lorelai doesn't even know what she's voting for. Lorelai says she's sure she's "a-gin' it!" Miss Patty is the only woman who finds Lorelai funny. Cardigan Man announces that the "nay"s have it. Rory gives the back of CuteDean's head StalkerEyes. CuteDean stares into his lap. Max and Lorelai walk to their chairs as Cardigan Man says he hopes that Lorelai doesn't have food in the bags. Lorelai says a series of words that don't make any sense: "Dorsal fins and Cucamonga." She tells Max that she just keeps saying nonsense until Cardigan Man gets confused and moves on.
Max, Rory, and Lorelai start eating as Cardigan Man opens the meeting up for "miscellaneous issues." Grant Lee Here'sMyMoment stands up and announces himself as the town Troubadour. Cardigan Man doesn't know what that is. Sally Struthers is on Grant Lee's side, and says that he plays music. Miss Patty says that Grant Lee plays on all of the street corners. Luke says that he's a vagrant -- a loiterer. Cardigan Man agrees. Luke wishes that they didn't agree on anything. Grant Lee IsThatRickMoranis says that he has been the town Troubadour for six months, and that he thinks he's done a very good job, and now Hippie Whistler is moving in on his territory. He says there's no room for a second Troubadour in Stars Hollow. Cardigan Man says that this is the silliest thing he's ever heard. Lorelai yells that he should hear them out. Cardigan Man glares at Lorelai and she says she isn't holding a bag of fries. Rory pouts over and looks at CuteDean. CuteDean sees her. Rory turns back around. Morey asks Cardigan Man to refrain from being "uncool." Grant Lee says that he just wants the town Troubadour laws to be enforced. Rory and CuteDean look at each other longingly. Cardigan Man says that there aren't any town Troubadour laws. Miss Patty says that the town handbook should say something. Kirk raises his hand from the audience and announces that he has the town handbook right there. In his lap. I love Kirk. Cardigan Man says that Grant Lee is practically a vagrant. He asks him where he lives and what he does for a living. Grant Lee says that he doesn't want people to know those things. He says that "the mystique" is part of being a troubadour. Cardigan Man asks Hippie Whistler whether he subscribes to the "Troubadour Mystique." "I run a Kinko's in Groton" is Hippie Whistler's response. Lorelai shakes her head in judgement. Grant Lee is enraged, saying that this proves Hippie Whistler isn't a good troubadour: he doesn't live up to the code. He says that the troubadour is supposed to speak through his music. Cardigan Man asks Grant Lee what his scam is, adding that he doesn't want Grant Lee using the people of Stars Hollow for a quick buck. Miss Patty blushes and says that Cardigan Man won't take any money. She's tried. Cardigan Man says that he might not now, but that he will; it's a money-making scheme, and there's no other reason to do it. Rory stands up and shouts the following as CuteDean watches: "Because sometimes you have something you need to say but you can't because the words won't come out or you get scared or you feel stupid so if you could write a song and sing it then you could say what you need to say and it would be beautiful and people would listen and you wouldn't make a complete idiot out of yourself but all of us can't be songwriters so some of us will never be able to say what we're thinking or what we want other people to know that we're thinking so we'll never get the chance to make things right again ever." Everyone stares at her. "So..." she says, "give this guy a license!" The crowd breaks into applause as Lorelai tells Rory she likes her speech. "That's the Girl Scout!" Clara excitedly whispers to CuteDean. Cardigan Man designates Grant Lee Buffalo as the town Troubadour, and I'm sure according to the Stars Hollow rules, I'm no longer allowed to make fun of him in recaps. Hippie Whistler slaps his thighs and takes off.
Lorelai throws fries at the back of Luke's head. She asks whether he wants some. He says that he has to get back to the diner, since Rachel's been watching it for him. He leaves as Max puts a territorial arm around Lorelai. They kiss. Rory turns around, but CuteDean is gone. Does he even live in Stars Hollow? I thought he didn't.
Luke shows up at the diner and tells Rachel that the meeting is over. She says she sent Cesar home since it was pretty dead. I guess Cesar is the Asian man from the last episode who was serving Pizza Boy. But if everyone in the town goes to the meeting, then why would the diner be open anyway? It doesn't matter. Rachel's leaving. All her bags are packed, she's ready to go. Luke swallows a couple of times and then walks past her. He asks whether she was going to tell him. She says that she was waiting for him to get back so that she could say goodbye. He tells her to leave. She asks whether he wants to know why she's leaving. Luke says that he's sure it's the same reason she had all of the other times: she's restless and bored. She says that's not it. He asks whether it's another guy. She says that it's another girl. Luke briefly thinks that Rachel is coming out until she says the other girl is for him. She says she knows he tried, but his heart wasn't in it. After a very long period, Luke realizes that Rachel is saying he loves Lorelai. He says that he and Lorelai are just friends, and that he's said so a thousand times. She says that he's only said it once, and that it was hard for him to say it that time. He says that this is crazy, and that she has it all wrong. But he's stammering and sighing and slapping his thighs. Rachel says that she's going to leave. She hugs him and says she'll miss him. She asks him to stay in touch. Luke gives her a "Rachel, come on." She turns at the door and tells Luke not to wait too long to tell Lorelai. She leaves the diner.
Chilton. Rory walks up behind Fraulein and tells her she has Fraulein's notes. Fraulein doesn't stop walking, and tells Rory she doesn't need the notes anymore. She doesn't want them. She flounces away. Rory asks Louisa what is wrong with Fraulein. Louisa says that nothing is wrong, and calls Rory "Mary." Rory moans and wonders what she did to deserve getting called "Mary" again. Paris walks up to Rory and stares as they walk into the school. She tells Rory that when she first met her, she didn't like her, because she figured that Rory was a dumb hick from the sticks, but then she thought maybe she was wrong, and maybe Rory was cool, and then she let her guard down. She says it won't happen again. Rory asks what this is all about. Paris says that it's about using people and making enemies. Rory asks how she made Paris an enemy, and whether it has to do with her setting Philllipppe and Paris up on a date. She says that she was trying to help Paris, and that she even lent Paris her mother's clothes for the date; as she says so, she recalls that she still hasn't gotten Lorelai's clothes back. Paris says that she'll have to find out whether those are the clothes her dog just had puppies on or not. Rory asks what she did. Rory grabs her arm and stops her. "Think about it at PJ Harvey," Paris brats. Rory says she's not going to PJ Harvey. Paris says that Philllipppe says she is. Rory says that he's lying. Paris says that he already has the tickets. Rory says that he bought them on his own. Paris says that she's over Philllipppe, so Rory shouldn't back out on Paris's account. Rory says that she's not backing out. Paris says that she doesn't have time for things like concerts anyway, since she's going to be in charge of the school newspaper. She warns Rory that if she wants to try out for the paper, it's going to be a bit harder now that she needs Paris's support. She says she'll put Rory in charge of reporting on the school parking-lot renovation. She says it's a shame she already put Louisa on music reviews. Rory says that Louisa owns two CDs. Paris smiles that she knew that. Paris smirks and walks off. In a strange ode to Heathers, Louisa, Paris, and Fraulein stand in a triangle on the Chilton stairs and stare at Rory. "Have a really good summer," Paris brats. The bell rings, and the three walk away. Rory stares.
The doorbell rings, and Lorelai runs down the stairs complaining that Max is on time again. She's in a little black dress. She's putting on her shoes as she's going down the stairs and has to remind herself that it's "stairs then shoes." ["Her dress is black and her shoes are off-white. NEVER! You never wear shoes lighter than your hem -- if you're dressing up, I mean." -- Wing Chun] She answers the door. It's Luke. He came by to pick up his toolbox. Lorelai tells him that she's going out. She says that she and Rory got used to the toolbox in the house. They named it "Bert" and say "goodnight, Bert!" to it and it talks back and they like it. Luke thanks her for watching it. He puts the toolbox down, turns around, and announces that Rachel left. He says that she left last night (so it's Friday night now, right?). Lorelai asks what happened; she wants to know Rachel's reasons for leaving. Luke says it's hard to explain. Max shows up, and says that he tried to be late. Lorelai smiles and says that he failed at "one minute past." Max kisses her. Lorelai stands between Max and Luke in the hallway as she introduces them to each other. Luke's last name is Danes, for those of you making a slam book. ["Which is odd, since we know the diner was originally his dad's store and it clearly says 'Williams Hardware' on it." -- Wing Chun] She tells Max that Luke owns the diner. Max says that he saw Luke at the town meeting. He points too close to Luke's chest. Luke says that he saw Max at the meeting as well. Max says that they should get going. Lorelai makes an apologetic face at Luke. Luke says that he was just stopping by for his toolbox, anyway. He says that he's been around the house fixing things. He does things for Lorelai. Lorelai agrees and says that they'll talk later. "Yes, we will," Luke says, laying claim to her. Max interjects that "later" will have to be more like tomorrow, because he doesn't know how late she'll be getting back tonight. Lorelai says that she meant "later" as "tomorrow," because she'll go to the diner in the morning. Luke says he'll see her at the usual time. Max struts that it might be a little later than the usual time, if Luke knows what Max means. Luke says that it doesn't matter, because he's got the coffee and Lorelai needs the coffee, so she'll eventually show up. Lorelai looks so comfy during all of this, by the way. They stop fronting each other, and Luke leaves.
Max asks whether they are going. Lorelai says, "Uh, yeah. Just wanted to make sure you two were finished swinging those things around." Hee. "Someone's bound to lose an eye." Max asks what she's talking about. Lorelai says it's nothing and goes to get her purse. Max asks whether she and Luke are "over." She says there was nothing there to begin with. He says it's okay, and that he dated while they were apart, and he assumed she'd date while they were apart, so if she dated Luke, it's no big deal. Tension mounts as Lorelai says that she didn't expect him not to date, either. She asks who he dated. He says he didn't know if he'd see Lorelai ever again. She says she dated too. "So you did date Luke!" Max says. Lorelai says that she didn't date Luke. She exhales and moves her arms. Max says that there was a vibe. She exhales and moves her arms. She says there was no vibe. She says he won't tell her who he dated. He says it's not someone she knows. She asks whether he did casual dating or "get down, Soul Train" dating. He says more of the second. She says she likes his honesty and that most people would have spared her feelings and just sort of lied or skimmed that part, but he didn't. She adds, "I slept with Rory's dad." Max asks to change the subject. "On my parents' balcony," she continues. Max asks to change the subject. Lorelai says he started it. They bicker until Max asks why they always get weird when the two of them are doing well. Lorelai says that she doesn't know. They say they don't like it and they're sick of it. Max says that there's only one thing he could think of that would solve it. "Break up," Lorelai offers. ["'Yes!' I screamed." -- Wing Chun] Max sighs. Lorelai says that she's not interested in a murder-suicide. Max says that they should get married. It is quiet for a second before Lorelai asks whether he's kidding. He says he's not. She says that this isn't what proposal is supposed to be like. It's not supposed to be a desperate last-minute effort to end a bickering match. It has to be planned -- magical, with music playing, romantic lighting and a subtle build-up to the popping of the question. She says that there should be a thousand yellow daisies and candles and a horse (which might be a bit over the top, she allows) -- but more than this. He says that she's right. She says she knows. He apologizes. She says it's okay. He asks to start the evening over. Lorelai makes a doorbell sound. Max says he's five minutes late now. She sighs. They leave. As Lorelai walks out the door she sees Luke's toolbox. "Bye bye, Bert," she says and walks out the door. Fade to commercial.
By the way, I can't believe this is the last show until the fall. I'm sad. ["I didn't want it to end." -- Wing Chun]
Chilton. Philllipppe stands by the wall until Rory walks past. He says he's tired of the game, and asks whether she's meeting him at the concert. Rory tells him that she hopes he has a good time with his empty seat. Philllipppe asks what she's so mad about. She says that he's been telling everyone that they're going to the concert together when they aren't, and now Paris and the girls are mad at her. Philllipppe says that the damage has been done, so they might as well go to the concert together. Rory says that she'll never, ever, ever go anywhere with him. Philllipppe says that the tickets cost him a fortune. Rory corrects him, saying that the tickets cost his daddy a fortune. Philllipppe says that he doesn't even know anyone else that's into "this stupid guy." Rory yells that PJ Harvey is a girl. She starts to walk away, and Philllipppe grabs the books out of her hands, saying that she can't have them back unless she agrees to go to the concert with him. She says he's pathetic and that he can just have the books.
Rory walks away. Philllipppe follows. She stops when she sees CuteDean standing in the lot staring at her. CuteDean sees Philllipppe standing behind Rory, holding her books. Rory doesn't see what CuteDean sees. He starts to get back into his truck as Rory runs toward him and asks what he's doing there. He says he's leaving. She asks him not to go. He says he shouldn't have come. She asks him to wait and slams his door shut. He says he feels like an idiot; he drove all the way there, only to see her with Philllipppe. Rory starts to explain, but CuteDean points out that Philllipppe has her books. Rory says that he took them and wouldn't give them back. Philllipppe just stands in the background watching, holding the books. Rory asks why CuteDean is there. He says he doesn't know. She says he does. He says he thought she was trying to talk to him, and that she came to his house. Rory's all, "It wasn't me." He says it was her and that his sister recognized her from the pictures in his box. Rory asks what box he's talking about. He says he has a box of their pictures and letters and things. Rory is deeply touched that CuteDean owns a "Rory Box." CuteDean asks what her little speech at the meeting was about. Rory says she doesn't know what she was talking about. CuteDean asks whether that had anything to do with him. Rory doesn't say anything. CuteDean says that he must have imagined it all. Rory still doesn't say anything. CuteDean says that Rory's boyfriend is waiting, and starts walking to the truck. Rory says that Philllipppe isn't her boyfriend and that she hates him. She asks CuteDean to stay. He asks why. "Because I love you, you idiot!" Rory shouts. PJ Harvey starts blaring in the background as CuteDean turns around. Man, fuck The Princess Bride because this is the best kiss ever recorded. CuteDean just reaches Rory in like, three steps, and he grabs her by the chin and starts kissing her while he holds the back of her neck and she melts into him and Philllipppe's still standing back there like a chump and he puts Rory's books down while they kiss and Molly Ringwald drives by with Jake Ryan in his Porsche and Mary Stuart Masterson kisses Eric Stoltz as she wears his earrings and looks good in his future and the music is swelling and I'm bawling my eyes out and I'm so glad CuteDean is back. For all of you CuteDean haters out there: I told you so. I stood by my man. Man, I think these two kids are dating in real life. They have to be with that kind of kissing. They touch foreheads and smile at each other. Philllipppe walks away.
Lorelai runs up to the Independence Inn as Kirk and Michel are fighting at the door. Michel says that he's the man in charge of floral deliveries. Lorelai says that he's also one of the few men who would proudly boast that fact. Kirk says that the flower delivery he has must be signed by Lorelai. Michel says he didn't order this delivery. Kirk says he's just doing his job. Lorelai understands that it's a delivery for her, and walks into the hotel. We see Lorelai's shocked reaction. Michel walks in with Kirk and Frenches that he'd never order daisies. He says they're just a small step up from weeds. Lorelai says that there are a thousand of them: "A thousand yellow daisies." Kirk says that the order was for exactly one thousand yellow daisies. Lorelai walks through the room filled with yellow daisies. She's near tears as she sits down and pulls out her cell phone. She calls Max. He says he couldn't find a horse. He tells her that she was right last night, and that he shouldn't have proposed the way he did, but he didn't do it because they were fighting; he proposed because he loves her. He wants to break the bad pattern they have. He says he woke up this morning and realized that he has studied and taught the great literature his entire life, and those characters always let opportunities slip by, and if doesn't follow the teachings of those stories, then he's not the man he wants to be. Instead of being nauseated, Lorelai says he "talks good." Max continues pouring out his bottle of Schmaltz liquor and says, "I love you, Lorelai Gilmore. And I know this to be true." They hang up. Lorelai looks around the flowers and sighs.
Lorelai walks over to Luke's that night and passes Grant Lee Legalo. Hippie Whistler is about to leave, but Grant Lee gives him a head nod and Whistler joins him in song.
Lorelai busts into the diner and asks whether Rory's there yet. It's 7 PM, but Rory isn't there yet. Lorelai has startled Luke, and he accidentally spilled on Kirk; he throws Kirk a towel and asks Lorelai what's going on. Lorelai says that they are potentially big things, but that she'd like to tell Rory first, and then she'll tell him. Luke asks whether it has something to do with work. Lorelai's on some sort of Motorola pager thing looking for Rory. Luke asks if she wants coffee. She doesn't. Luke says this must be big news if she doesn't want coffee; he asks if Lorelai is happy about this news. Lorelai says she might be, but she's not sure. She beeps and says she's going to go meet Rory. She stops and hands Luke a daisy. "The whole town gets one today," she says. She leaves. "Bye," Luke says to no one.
Outside, Lorelai puts away her beeper so she has room for all of the cheese she's about to swim through. ["Come on -- this is where I started bawling!" -- Wing Chun] Rory walks up and sees Lorelai. Lorelai sees Rory. Y'all, they run to each other down the street. Running. Running. Running. They meet each other and talk at the same time. They talk at the same time. They laugh at the same time. They cheer at the same time. They both say they'll talk first as we pan up from the gazebo and close the first season of Gilmore Girls. Oh, I wish it had ended on a sweeter note. And where's Drella? Hurry back, Gilmore Girls. I'm going to miss you.
At least I'll have more time to work on my CuteDean body lotion.